Before you read this chapter, I'd like you to remember (as stated before the first chapter) that for the sake of this story, Sheldon has not seen or talked to Leonard and Penny since Amy broke up with him, so a certain conversation that is very important to this story has not happened yet.

The song that is referenced later in the chapter is 'Hard habit to break' by Chicago.

I know you all wanted Sheldon and Amy to be happy and some of you are nervous for the "storm" that is happening. I almost wanted to skip the next few chapters because honestly, I want them to be happy too. But I promise you, as painful as it might get, it will only make them stronger in the end.

Wedding bells and broken hearts

Chapter 10

Sheldon

He woke up early. It was still dark outside. Amy was still sleeping soundly in his arms and it took him a minute to comprehend what had happened the night before.

The intimacy they had shared. They had crossed so many boundaries.

It was astounding. For years he had been afraid of this. He had tried to avoid it for so long.

But it turned out, it was easy, touching her. It felt so natural.

He was more than a little proud of himself for overcoming his fears like this with her. Only with her. He knew she was the only person in the world he would ever be able to be intimate with.

The power this woman had over him. His whole life had changed because of her.

Things that had seemed impossible a few years ago had become not only possible but crucial to him.

Again, he was hit with the reality of how important she really was in his life.

The thought of losing her was unbearable. Now even more than before.

And while he did not regret the night before, it had also made the reality of their break-up so much more horrifying.

As quietly as he could he untangled himself from her and got up. She did not even stir in her sleep. He grinned. He had really worn her out.

Wanting to get ready for the day he felt the need for a shower, but he did not want her to wake up alone. She would take it the wrong way and worry unnecessarily.

So, he decided to quickly go to his room to fetch some fresh clothes and use the shower here.

While standing under the water stream, he tried to clear the mess in his mind. The last few days had been so intense. Their talks, their cuddling, spending the night together and of course what had happened just hours before. Their dynamic had changed completely.

It had left his heart open. Vulnerable. Unprotected. He wanted her in his life. He couldn't imagine anything else anymore. And he was more afraid than he had ever been. An uneasiness started to take over his mind.

Amy

Something was missing. She noticed it as soon as she heard her alarm. The bed felt cold. No strong arms holding her. No warm body pressed against hers. She opened her eyes lazily and looked around the room.

It was empty. Just for a second her heart sank. But then she heard the shower running in the bathroom. He was still here. He had not left her.

Relieved, she relaxed again and closed her eyes. The memories from the night before filled her head and she could not help but blush.

Sheldon had touched her. Really touched her. And it had been the most amazing thing that had ever happened to her.

And the best thing about it was, he did not run. He still seemed to be okay with it. This felt like an even bigger step. But what was going to happen now?

She was tempted to enter the bathroom and surprise him in the shower. But he had asked her to make up her mind first and she would respect his boundaries.

Not that there was a lot left to think about. After what had happened, not just the night before but this whole week, all she wanted was to forget about this stupid break-up.

But she knew she could not. Not yet. There was something she needed to figure out first.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Sheldon came back to the room.

He was fully dressed. No longer in his cowboy attire. But in his usual khakis and two shirts.

He had looked extremely attractive the night before. But this was even better.

He looked like her Sheldon again. The Sheldon she knew so well. The Sheldon she had fallen in love with.

It felt like they had been different versions of themselves last night. And as much as she had loved it, she loved the fact even more that they were just Sheldon and Amy again.

And yet, things between them had shifted. Seeing him like this in this room somehow made the events of the night before even more real.

"Good morning.", she offered a little nervously.

"Good morning, Amy.", he replied, smiling at her sheepishly. "I hope you don't mind me showering in your room."

She chuckled. It was such a curious thing to say. Only he would worry about this after the night they had shared.

"Sheldon, I think after the events of this week you can stop referring to it as my room. I hardly was in here without you after all."

He came closer and sat down on the bed. "Well, I guess you are right."

She sat up too and looked at him. She had no idea what to say to him now.

What do you say to someone you're currently on a break with, in the morning after sharing the most amazing night with him?

"I… uhm… I am glad you stayed.", she mumbled, still blushing.

He just nodded at her. He seemed to be at a loss of what to say too.

"I did not expect your alarm to go off this early. Isn't the bachelorette party starting in the late afternoon?", he finally asked.

"Actually, Sheldon I'm meeting your meemaw for lunch. She asked to… uhm… do some crocheting again."

Part of her felt bad for lying about this, but Sheldon did not have to know everything now, did he?

His eyes lit up for a second. "Well, that's wonderful. Meemaw must be thrilled to finally have someone in the family who is interested in the same things as she is." In the family?

His eyes widened as he realized what he just said. "I mean…"

"It's okay, Sheldon. I know what you mean.", she assured him, not wanting any awkwardness between them.

"I could take you to your mother's house. I'm guessing Georgie could take you to the bachelor party later."

He shook his head at her suggestion. "No, I'll stay here. I opted out of the bachelor party as soon as I got invited."

"Oh… So, you'll be alone all day?"

Maybe she should cancel on meemaw. Or at least skip the bachelorette party.

She knew no one there except Missy anyway. Maybe she could spend time with Sheldon instead.

As if he could guess what she was thinking, he covered her hand with his gently. It made her heart beat faster.

"You enjoy your crocheting and the bachelorette party, Amy. I want you to have fun today. And I could use some time to myself to… process some things."

Process things? Of course. She knew exactly what he meant.

Their eyes met and she knew they were both thinking about what had happened the night before.

She was blushing again and probably resembled a tomato by now and Sheldon seemed to have a hard time holding her gaze.

He got up from the bed. "I should let you get ready now."

"Wait.", she said and got up quickly before he was out of the door.

He turned around, looking a little insecure now.

"Sheldon, are we still okay? After what happened last night, I mean?"

He stepped closer to her, biting his lips nervously. "I did not plan for it to happen like it did, Amy.", he said softly. "I don't know what came over me."

She blinked at him. "But you did plan for something like this to happen?", she couldn't help but ask.

"Yes.", he admitted. "Before you broke up with me. That's part of the reason why I booked this room for us."

She was speechless.

"I have been ready for a while, Amy.", he continued.

"You… you were?", she croaked. "You never said anything."

He sighed. "I know. It was supposed to be a surprise."

Another surprise? Hadn't he told her this whole trip was planned as a surprise for her? Were there other things she did not know about?

"I am sorry Sheldon. For ruining it. For ruining everything. And for hurting you." Tears were forming in her eyes again. Oh, if only she had known.

Sheldon gave her a weak smile. "I am sorry too, Amy. You didn't ruin everything. I played a part too. By making you doubt my feelings for you."

Their eyes met again. He looked just as distraught as she felt. "I guess we are both to blame then.", she mumbled.

He nodded and took a deep breath.

"To answer your question, Amy. Yes, we are still okay. Last night… it was so much more than I expected. But it is a lot to process. And I am scared, Amy." He almost whispered the last sentence.

Her heart almost broke for him. The way he looked at her. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. She felt awful.

"I… I am so sorry, Sheldon.", she whispered back.

"Don't.", he answered. "You have nothing to be sorry about. Just make up your mind, Amy. Only two more days and you will have all the space you need to sort through your feelings."

She breathed out shakily.

"I will.", she promised.

Sheldon

It was confusing. Everything was confusing. String theory seemed like child's play compared to this complicated mess they were in.

Amy was spending time with meemaw. Meemaw knew, they were broken up, a fact he had not told Amy yet. But they were not really broken up anymore. They were not together either, though.

He shook his head and quickly got out a comic book to read on his bed. He really needed a distraction.

But his mind kept going back to Amy. Amy in that pretty outfit being his date for the evening. Amy laughing while they line danced. Amy holding his hand. Dancing with Amy.

Kissing Amy. Touching Amy. Amy crying out in ecstasy because of his touch. Amy wanting to touch him. And of course, holding Amy and waking up with her in his arms. Time and time again.

He sighed and turned on the radio before trying to focus on his comic book again. He did not usually like to listen to the radio but right now he needed something to distract him. To fill his senses with anything but her.

He had just read the first few pages when a song started playing that sounded familiar. His sister used to listen to it a lot when they were teenagers. He had never focused on the lyrics, but now they seemed to crash over him.

I guess I thought you'd be here forever
Another illusion I chose to create
You don't know what you got until it's gone
And I found out a little too late
I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doin' you a favor, I hardly knew you were there
But then you were gone, and it all was wrong
Had no idea how much I cared

Tears formed in his eyes, and he tried hard to focus on his comic book. It was not too late, he told himself. He would get her back.

Now being without you takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it but I don't want to
Being without you is all a big mistake
Instead of getting easier, it's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to you babe, you're a hard habit to break.

It was too much. He could not listen to this preposterous song. So, he turned off the radio. Amy loved him. He would not have to learn to live without her.

And soon everything would be right again.

She was going to be his girlfriend again, right? All signs were pointing to it. She had told him she was sorry for hurting him. That meant she viewed breaking up with him as a mistake, didn't it?

It must have been a spur of the moment thing. Something she did not even want to do. She had said so, hadn't she?

Maybe it was just like the time when he had tried to break up with her after Leonard had bought that hideous table.

She had not really meant to leave him. Because the Amy he knew and loved would never leave him. Would never abandon him.

Yes, she would take it back and they would make up and resume their relationship. And then they would get engaged and she would move in with him and he would get to experience what they had discovered this week every day for the rest of their life.

They would be together again. It was only a matter of time. It was. It had to be. Oh, he hoped it was. The alternative was unthinkable.

He sighed and tossed away his comic book. This was going to be a long day.

Amy

She had stopped at the convenience store on the way to meemaw's house and bought some wool. She did not know why. They weren't going to crochet. But all this deceiving had made her nervous. She wanted to at least have some props to support her story.

Oh, how she hated lying to this wonderful old woman who still did not know about their break-up. She really did not deserve her kindness. But hopefully they would soon be together again for good, so maybe there was no reason to feel guilty.

It was so confusing. Lying to Sheldon about crocheting. Lying to Sheldon's family about the status of their relationship that – by her own fault – was still undefined.

Not reacting to her friends' texts who had no idea she was in Texas with Sheldon and still thought they were broken up for good. This had to stop soon.

And of course, last night… She still could not wrap her head around it. It had been so amazing. Just like a dream. Better than all her fantasies.

But then the way Sheldon had behaved in the morning. He was pulling away from her. He was scared. She could not blame him.

She should have stopped him, she berated herself. As wonderful as it had been, she could not break up with him, ask for time and then let him pleasure her like this. She was giving him mixed signals. He deserved better.

She had wanted to tell him that there was no reason to be scared. That everything would be okay. But it was too soon for that. Or wasn't it?

Finally, she arrived at meemaw's house.

"Amy! I'm so happy you made time for a boring old lady again."

Amy returned meemaw's hug. "Oh meemaw, you're not boring. I love spending time with you."

They quickly moved to the living room where meemaw already had wine glasses waiting for them.

"Oh, so you're really going to crochet?", she wondered, when she saw Amy taking out her wool.

"Yes. I figured that way I am technically not lying to Sheldon about why I am here."

A big smile spread on meemaw's face. "This is so cute. You feel guilty about this little white lie. My grandson is lucky to have found someone like you."

Amy winced lightly. "Well, I guess we are both lucky.", she said quickly and took a big gulp out of her wine glass before resuming her work with the crocheting needle.

She could feel meemaw's gaze on her and tried her best not to look at her. She must suspect something.

"So, are you two back together then?" Amy almost spit out her wine. She coughed and meemaw patted her back.

"I am sorry, dear. I did not mean to startle you."

"You know?", Amy asked incredulously.

"Of course, I know. I knew as soon as you entered this house for the first time. It's a good thing you're not an actress, dear because you would suck at that."

Amy couldn't believe it. All this time? Did Sheldon know about this?

"I… I'm so sorry for lying, meemaw. Please know I felt guilty all the time." She looked down at her feet. This was so uncomfortable.

"Oh honey, there's no reason to feel guilty. I know you were just protecting my grandson. But this morning my granddaughter was gushing all over how much in love you two looked yesterday when you went line dancing. So, I just have to ask. Are you two back together again?"

She looked so hopeful, it broke her heart to disappoint the friendly old lady. Amy bit her lip. "It's a little more complicated than that."

"It is?", meemaw implored. "Do you not love him?"

"Of course, I love him.", she exclaimed and took another sip of her wine. "But there are… things I need to figure out first."

"I see.", meemaw said deep in thought. "Amy, I don't mean to overstep, but I don't understand. If you love him and want to be with him, then what more is there to figure out?"

"Well…", Amy hesitated. "Meemaw, as much as I love Sheldon, things have been hard lately. I need to know that we are on the same page going forward. Or that we can at least find a way so we both can be happy."

Meemaw listened closely. "So, what now? You're going home, keep your distance and think about things alone? You think this will bring you any closer to a solution?"

"Well, what would you suggest?", Amy asked feeling a little helpless.

"Oh, Amy." Meemaw shook her head. "If you want to be with him, then be with him. And more importantly, let him take part in your thought process. You need to talk this out. Tell him what you need. You need to figure this out together."

Amy was speechless for a second. Meemaw made it sound so easy.

"I… I don't know how.", she confessed. "I find myself having a hard time telling him the things I want. What if Sheldon runs away?"

Meemaw looked at her knowingly. "You mean, because of last year when he left after you did just that."

Amy gaped at her. She knew about that? How much had Sheldon told her?

"Amy, listen to me. I know it is hard. But things have changed since then. And if you can't talk to him about what you need, then your relationship won't work. Ever. And that would be a shame because you two are clearly made for each other."

"But…", she started protesting.

"No, Amy. No but. Just listen to me. It is clear neither of you wanted this break up. You were both in so much pain when you arrived. And you both completely misinterpreted what the other was thinking. Let me tell you, young lady, you have some serious communication issues. Both of you. This whole mess could have been avoided, you know?"

Meemaw sighed deeply before she continued. "And when you're my age you will realize how little time you really have. Don't waste too much of it, dear."

They were silent for a while. Amy pondered what she had heard. Was it really that easy? She wanted it to be. She was going back and forth on that topic again and again.

Sheldon had surprised her in so many ways this week. She knew he loved her. She knew she was important to him. She knew he wanted her. And he had told her he wanted to move forward with her.

Maybe it was time to toss her doubts aside and just trust her heart. And trust Sheldon. Maybe they really could get back together now and work on the details later.

He had offered to write up a new relationship agreement with her after all. Maybe he was ready to hear about what she wanted for their future.

Maybe they could negotiate it just like they always had before, when they had started dating. Compromise. They used to be so good at this.

"Thank you meemaw. For your advice. And for not being mad at me for breaking up with Sheldon."

"Oh, that's okay, dear. I know you did not want to hurt my moonpie. But don't do that again or I promise you, your next visit to Texas will not be as pleasant."

Amy could not figure out if meemaw was serious. But it did not matter. She did not plan to break up with Sheldon again after all. Never again.

Smiling, she realized, she had made up her mind after all. Meemaw had just given her the push she had apparently needed to finally realize it.

She could hardly wait for the bachelorette party to be over so she could go and tell him.

Sheldon

He had tried everything. He went for a walk, skimmed through a science magazine, challenged Stephen Hawking to a new round of Words with Friends, but his mind just kept going back to Amy.

In the end he went back to her room. No, their room. She had said so herself.

Maybe she wanted him to be here when she came back from the bachelorette party. Maybe she would snuggle up to him and he would wake up with her in his arms again.

Maybe she would tell him to forget about their break-up. He knew this was wishful thinking. But oh, how much he craved having her as his girlfriend again.

This was preposterous. He turned on the TV and zapped through the channels.

Star Wars was on. Episode IV. Oh, goody, there was no way this would remind him of Amy.

But then the Death Star appeared. Death Star. The spherical cake. Star Wars Day. Arthur dying. "Appreciate them". Oh drats.

It was pointless. Ever since last night he was obsessing over her. He needed her back. He should have asked her last night. Doubts be damned. She would have said yes, he knew it.

He grabbed pop-pop's leather jacket and studied it. Pop-pop would know what to do. He always had. He had been a strong man. Quiet but determined. No way he would have been this confused. He would have gotten back his woman.

Maybe he should find her before the bachelorette party. Maybe he could make her his girlfriend again and then after the party instead of hanging with the girls, Amy would come back early, and they could finally be together again.

He planned what he would say to her. He would tell her he loved her. He would reassure her that he wanted the things she did. Maybe, if things went well, he would propose on the spot.

And of course, he would tell her, that it was okay, if she still needed time. That he would wait, just as he had promised. But that he wanted her to know how serious he was about this.

He was already getting up, planning to get a cab to meemaw's house, when his phone rang.

Reluctantly he picked up. "Hello?"

"Sheldon? This is Penny. Listen, Leonard and I just came back from Vegas. I know we should have told you, but we wanted to have a few days to ourselves to sort out some issues. I am so sorry to hear about you and Amy. Are you okay? Where are you? We've been worried. You did not run away again, did you?"

He smiled. It was nice to know his friends cared for him like this. "I'm fine, Penny. I'm in Texas for my sister's wedding."

"Oh.", Penny sounded surprised. "Hey listen, I didn't want to ask you about this, but since you're fine… you don't happen to know where Amy is, do you? She's not answering my calls and she hasn't been at her apartment. I'm kinda worried about her."

Sheldon smiled. "Well, actually, Penny. Amy is here with me. We are… uhm…"

No, he could not tell her everything. She would blab and it might ruin his chances with Amy.

"She's pretending to still be my girlfriend. My sister invited her as my plus-one before the break-up. It's a long story. She will probably tell you everything once we're back. Now if you'll excuse me…." He really wanted to go find Amy.

"Sheldon, wait." He rolled his eyes.

"What is it, Penny?"

"Just… please respect her decision Sheldon, okay? I know it's not easy for you to handle change, but this must have taken Amy a lot of courage. I really did not think she would actually go through with it."

Her words hit him like a ton of bricks. Penny had known? Amy had discussed this with her?

"What did you just say, Penny? You… you knew about this?", he asked sharply.

"Hey, don't take that tone with me, sweety. It's not my fault Amy thinks you're a bad boyfriend."

Sheldon took a deep breath. "That's what she thinks, huh?", he asked tonelessly.

"Look, Sheldon this is not your fault. These things happen. You'll get over it. I know you tried, but maybe you're just not cut out to be a boyfriend. It's okay, you know? Not everyone has to be."

Sheldon could feel his blood beginning to boil. "Is that what you told her too?"

"Huh?", Penny sounded confused.

"I am asking you, Penny. Did you tell Amy she'd get over it? Over me? That I am not cut out to be her boyfriend? Did you even try to get her to talk to me?"

"Listen Sheldon…"

"No.", he cut her off. "No, you listen, Penny. You are one of my best friends. You know me better than most people. Did you even try to warn me, when you knew my girlfriend of five years wanted to break up with me? Did you try to persuade her to tell me what was wrong? To give me a chance to fix things?"

"I told her to stay true to herself and do what makes her happy.", Penny argued.

But I do. I make her happy. He wanted to scream.

He could feel his heart shattering in a thousand pieces. Again. "I see.", he answered quietly.

"Come on, Sheldon…", Penny started but he could not listen to her any longer.

"I have to go now.", he blurted out and ended the call.

Tears filled his eyes. It had not been a spur of the moment thing after all. She had wanted to break up with him. To leave him.

For how long, he did not know. And she had never told him. Had she lied this week when she told him she had not planned to break up with him?

She had not warned him. She had talked to Penny, but not to him. She used to tell him these things. She used to tell him when she was not happy about his behavior. Why not this time?

Since when did she trust Penny more than she trusted him?

He sobbed. It was too much. He was not ready to process this new information on top of everything else. He could not figure out what it meant for him. For them.

The thoughts were running wild in his head. It was overwhelming. And not in a good way.

He got out of his room, planning to take another walk.

But when he passed the hotel bar, he stopped in his tracks. It was customary to visit the local watering hole when your heart got broken, wasn't it?

"Long island Iced Tea, please.", he ordered, after sitting down. This was going to be a long night.