Wedding bells and broken hearts Chapter 13, a big bang theory fanfic

The song that plays later in this chapter is "Will you still love me" from Chicago (Yes, Chicago, again. And yes, I really love this band).

I hope you will enjoy this chapter!

Wedding bells and broken hearts

Chapter 13

Sheldon

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. His head was still hurting, and he felt like vomiting.

Was it from being hungover or from the pain of being unable to take Amy's offer to be her boyfriend again?

He could not tell. Probably both.

It was devastating. The prospect of being with her again dangling over him, just out of reach.

He knew he was being unfair to her.

Yes, she had not communicated with him before ending their relationship. But hadn't he also tried to break up with her after that stupid incident with the dining room table?

She could have held that over his head but instead, she had just taken his side, just like she always did.

Hadn't she stood by him for five years? Supported him any chance she got?

No one understood him better than her. No one outside of his family had ever cared about him the way she did.

And despite being hurt by his behavior in the past she had decided to give him another chance. She was willing to trust him again.

Why couldn't he just do the same for her? Why couldn't he just get over it?

The time had come to get ready. He stayed in his hotel room until the last minute, forgoing the tradition of spending time with the other groomsmen.

He had already skipped the bachelor party and except Georgie no one there really knew him, so he would not be missed.

And he really did not feel like talking to anyone. This whole day would be hard enough already.

As he was sitting in a cab, headed for the wedding venue, his mind kept wandering off to Amy who was most likely with Missy and the other bridesmaids.

How was she holding up? He hated the thought that he had hurt her by rejecting her.

He wanted so badly to sort through his feelings and find a way to be with her.

But right now, he couldn't. The pain of losing her was too fresh.

And he knew now, how much he had hurt her. So much, she did not even dare to talk to him anymore.

Maybe it really was better to just forget about this whole boyfriend-nonsense.

He checked the pocket of his vest. The engagement ring was still safely lodged inside.

He would find a way to get rid of it today. Maybe he would ask meemaw to keep it for him.

Maybe someday, he would ask for it back. But until then it just hurt too much to have it.

Amy

It could have been a perfect day.

Getting dressed with the other bridesmaids and then helping Missy put on her breathtaking wedding dress.

Under normal circumstances, she would have loved every minute of it.

There was laughter and there were tears when they were gushing over the beautiful bride-to-be.

Missy was one of the most attractive women Amy had ever seen and her dress was perfect.

But the most beautiful thing about her on this day was the happiness that seemed to be exuding from her.

Amy was trying to smile for Missy, trying to be happy for her despite constantly being reminded of the fact that there would not be a wedding day for her.

She would not be able to make Missy a bridesmaid, as she had promised.

The pain came in waves. The banner kept appearing before her eyes. She could have had it all. She had been so close to seeing all her dreams come true. And now it was all gone again.

Most likely, this would be the last occasion when she would spend time with the woman who would now never be her sister-in-law.

She willed herself not to show her grief. But her mind kept repeating the things Sheldon had said to her.

She hated the fact, that she had hurt him so severely he couldn't even imagine a future with her anymore.

They had both screwed up. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was better to just forget about all that relationship stuff.

They were so good as friends. Back when they had just met. It was them against the world.

Them plotting and doing experiments on their friends. Them feeling superior.

Of course, even then she had wanted to be more than just friends with him.

But back then, she would have never complained to Penny about Sheldon. Because there was nothing to complain about but also because she had viewed Sheldon as better than anyone in every aspect.

She still did. But she had lost track along the way.

She had focused too much on the things he could not give her. She had taken the other things for granted.

Their unique bond. His honesty.

The fact he understood her on a level no one else ever could.

And now she had lost him. With the way he had looked at her, she did not dare to keep hoping too much.

All she wanted to do was fly back home, lock herself up in her apartment, eat a ton of ice cream and have a good cry.

Tomorrow, she promised herself. Tomorrow she would lick her wounds and sulk. But tonight, she still had a role to play.

Sheldon

The wedding was beautiful, even he had to admit that. The venue was nicely decorated. Classy and not too pompous.

There was a string quartet playing when he walked down the aisle with Amy by his side.

Amy. Oh, how beautiful she looked in this dark green silky dress. It almost took his breath away.

The green of her eyes was even deeper than usual and the way the dress flowed down her body accentuating her feminine curves.

He could hardly keep his eyes off her.

Her hair – curly, just like on the night he would never forget – was pinned up with a few strands being loose, encircling her face like a picture frame.

"You look very pretty.", he had whispered to her before he could stop himself.

She had just smiled at him weakly. She looked sad. He was too.

Missy and Mike had written their own vows and as they were reciting them, it was easy to see, how much they loved each other.

He was truly happy for his sister. She had found a man who – despite doing the deed at the courthouse almost two years ago – was willing to take part in this huge celebration. Just for her.

But his eyes kept wandering to Amy who was standing behind Missy with the other bridesmaids.

He would have loved to give her a wedding like this.

He could picture it. Her wearing a white dress, standing in front of him, looking a little nervous. Her eyes full of love for him.

Their families and friends assembled in a hall similar to this one.

Both of them making their own promises to each other.

Just for one night, he would have been a hippy for her and said all those lovey-dovey things in front of everyone they knew.

Not just to please her, but because he wanted the whole world to know, that he considered himself the luckiest man alive to have landed this exceptional woman.

If only things were different. If only he could clear up the mess in his head.

And now, he was sitting at that big round table, ignoring the glass of champagne someone had handed him. No way he would ever touch alcohol again.

The seats next to him were empty. Amy was taking pictures with Missy and the other bridesmaids, and his mother was surely there watching.

"Oh moonpie, it's a shame, things didn't work out. I was rooting for you two."

He looked up to see his meemaw had taken his mother's chair and sat down next to him. He was ready to tell her off. Ask her why she assumed things did not work out.

But he knew better. His meemaw had always been good at noticing those kinds of things.

"It's okay, meemaw. Maybe it's better this way.", he mumbled.

The old lady patted his shoulder. "Oh, honey. I am so sorry. After Amy left my house yesterday, I was so sure she was planning on taking you back."

His eyes shot to hers. "You talked to her? About the breakup?"

She smiled. "Of course, I did. Forgive an old woman for putting her nose where it does not belong. But I just had to try and help you. I can't understand why she wouldn't give your relationship another chance."

He chuckled dryly. "She wanted to, meemaw.", he said tonelessly.

At least this once he had managed to surprise his meemaw. She had not seen that coming.

"She did? But why are you not together then?", she implored.

Sheldon took a deep breath and proceeded to tell her what was on his mind. His phone call with Penny. The realization that she had kept things from him. His anger. His confusion. His worst fears.

"And now I am lost, meemaw. I have no idea what to do."

The old lady had been listening closely.

"Oh, my moonpie.", she said finally and softly lay one hand on his shoulder.

He looked up to her. "That's it? You are not telling me to get over myself? That I am being a fool? That Amy is perfect for me? That we just have to talk more, and everything will be fine?"

She smiled slightly. "No. I am not telling you what to do. I've meddled enough."

He looked at her incredulously. "But meemaw, this whole week you told me to get her back. And now that I could, you're just staying silent on the matter? I thought you wanted us together."

"Moonpie.", she said softly. "I told you to get her back because you said you wanted her back. Yes, I would have loved to see you both together. But first and foremost, I want you to be happy. With or without her."

He bit his lower lip. "I don't know if I can ever be happy without her. But I am scared she might leave me again."

Meemaw nodded in understanding. "I get that. The man I loved left me too."

He huffed. "It's different, meemaw. Pop-pop died. He did not leave you."

"Sheldon Lee Cooper!", his meemaw exclaimed. He looked up alarmed.

She did not usually call him by his full name. "Your pop-pop might not have chosen to leave me. But he did. He left me alone in this world, fending for myself for the last thirty years."

"I am sorry, meemaw.", he averted his eyes. He should just keep his mouth shut today before he would hurt even more people that he loved.

She calmed herself down again. Her voice was much softer now.

"I miss him every day of my life. But despite the pain I will feel until my last day, I will always be thankful for the time I got to spend with him."

"I miss him too.", Sheldon admitted.

"Oh, I know you do.", she squeezed his hand softly. "He would have been so proud of you. You are so much like him, you know that?"

"I am not." Sheldon shook his head. "I might look like him. But he was so much stronger. I wish I could be more like him. He would never be as scared as I am. Maybe… maybe I am not good enough. Maybe she'll be happier with someone else. Someone who does not take years to show her the affection she deserves."

"Oh, stop it, moonpie. Being a martyr does not suit you. You don't want to be with her? Fine. But don't tell yourself you're doing it for her. Because she is completely smitten with you. She does not have any interest in being with someone else."

"Then what do I do, meemaw?", he asked desperately. "Every time I think about getting back together with Amy, I remember the pain I felt when she broke up with me. How do I make sure I won't lose her again?"

"You can't.", she said softly.

"Then how do I figure out where to go from here?"

He buried his face in his hands, trying to hide the tears that were flowing down his face again. His meemaw wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"Well, boy, I cannot help you there. Only you can tell if you still trust her. Just… try to picture your future with and without her. Are you prepared to lose everything that could be?"

It sounded so easy when she said it.

Did he still trust Amy?

Of course, he did. She had made mistakes, just like he had. But that did not wipe out the five years when he knew he could always depend on her.

So, he followed his meemaw's advice and tried to think about his future without her.

He did not like it. And it hurt to think that maybe someday, she would find someone else.

She was so special. Of course, she would not be single forever.

And since he would be her friend, maybe he would at some point be invited to her wedding where she would look at someone else the way Missy had looked at Mike.

Or just like the way Amy had looked at him in the past.

He felt like being punched in the gut.

He loved her so much. But how could he make sure their relationship would work out? That they would not make the same mistakes again?

Amy

They had spent a long time posing for the camera. Sheldon's sister had insisted on taking a few pictures with just her. "Sisters-pictures" she had called them.

Again, it was bittersweet. Being an only child, she always had wanted to have a sister. Too bad it was all just a ruse.

Mary had wanted some pictures with the two of them as well. She reminded herself to never ask Sheldon for those photos. It would hurt too much, seeing what could have been.

What would happen once they were home? Would he really want to go back to being just her friend?

How would that even work?

Would he want to date again? Maybe eventually. He had planned to propose to her so deep down he must want to find someone to share a life with.

She could not picture Sheldon dating another woman, but until a few days ago she could not have pictured Sheldon doing anything they had done this week.

Maybe now that he was ready, he would find a woman who would appreciate him. One who was stronger than she was.

Would she have to watch him fall in love? Stand beside him as his friend as he would take all the steps she so desperately wanted to take with him?

It hurt, just thinking about it.

When they walked back to the venue, Amy was surprised to see meemaw holding Sheldon close. He looked sad.

Had they talked about her?

She took her seat next to Sheldon and avoided looking at him.

Soon there was loud applause filling the room, as the newlywed couple entered. Speeches were held.

Food was served and everyone engaged in friendly conversation.

She was listening to Georgie's girlfriend on her left talking about things she had no interest in while Sheldon was silently eating his food on her right.

Then, after the tables had been cleared again, the DJ announced the first dance of the newly married couple.

It looked so romantic, the way Missy and Mike moved to the slow music, gazing into each other's eyes. As if they were the only two people in the room.

It must have looked similar when Sheldon had danced with her only two nights ago.

Oh, what she would give to have a first dance with him. What she would give to be in his arms again.

Then, before the next song was played, the DJ asked all the other couples to join them on the dance floor.

Amy looked away. The situation was too similar to when they were line dancing. But at the same time, it was completely different. For obvious reasons.

They would have to come up with an excuse, she figured. Maybe Sheldon would just tell everyone that he did not like to dance. Or she could pretend to have twisted her ankle.

She was surprised, when Sheldon cleared his throat next to her.

"Amy? Will you dance with me?"

He must have noticed the surprise in her eyes.

"It's just that it's customary. People will find it weird if we don't dance."

Well, she guessed this time it really was just a social convention.

She did not dare look at his face to find out if she was right.

Because it did not matter. She wanted to dance with him. Maybe for the last time.

So, she nodded and took his hand.

Time seemed to freeze when they were standing in front of each other on the dance floor.

Instead of taking her hand for a formal dance, he put both his hands on her hips, so she decided to rest her hands on his shoulders.

She recognized the song with the first sounds of the piano. It felt like a dream when they started to move. She looked at Sheldon when the lyrics started playing. Saying everything she couldn't say to him anymore.

Take me as I am
Put your hand in mine now and forever
Darling here I stand, stand before you now
Deep inside I always knew
It was you, you and me
Two hearts drawn together bound by destiny
It was you and you for me
Every road leads to your door
Every step I take forever more

She saw tears glistening in his eyes. But he did not look away. He held her gaze the entire time.

She grabbed his shoulder tight, desperately trying to hold on to him.

Just say you'll love me for the rest of your life
I gotta lot of love and I don't want to let go
Will you still love me for the rest of my life?
Cause I can't go on
No, I can't go on
I can't go on
If I'm on my own

He pulled her closer to him, almost hurting her with the way he was grasping her hips. She was so close to him, she could feel his labored breath.

The way he looked at her. It was evident, he was just as affected by this as she was.

Take me as I am
Put your heart in mine, stay with me forever
'cause I am just a man who never understood
I never had a thing to prove
Till there was you
You and me
Then it all came clear so suddenly
How close to you that I want to be

She was shaking. He seemed to notice, because he pulled her flush to him. She could feel his heartbeat at her cheek. Smell the familiar scent of talcum powder and fabric softener.

Her lips trembled. Was she crazy? Something was shifting between the again. Or was it just wishful thinking?

She could feel his breath at her ear. Little sobs seemed to be escaping his throat. She desperately wanted to see his face now, but she didn't dare to pull away from him.

The tears were falling freely from her eyes. She buried her face in his chest to hide them.

Maybe to the other guests they would just look like a young couple dancing closely.

Do you believe a love could run so strong?
Do you believe a love could pass you by?
There was no special one for me
I was the lonely one, you see
But then my heart lost all control
Now you're all that I know

Her hands fell from his shoulder. She slipped them around his waist. Trying to get even closer to him. She knew the song was slowly coming to an end. But she did not want to let go. She couldn't.

Did he feel the same way?

Even after the song was over, they were still standing on the dance floor, lost in their hug, pretending to still be dancing.

He was not letting go of her either, not even loosening his grip a little bit.

After a while, she dared to look up to him. His eyes said it all. He was just as shaken up by this as she was.

"Amy?", he whispered into her ear.

"Yes, Sheldon?", she whispered back breathlessly, hoping against hope, he would say something, anything to make this moment last.

"I think, I've had enough time to figure out what I want."