To Be A Survivor

by Aqua Elsa

A blown up township, one sworn enemy, a huge annoying crush, still no name, and a chance to speak again. We have made some unlikely alliences to stop a common enemy, but will that be enough? New friends, traiors, experimentations-it’s all something I’m going to have to face, and i can only hope I’ll be able to survive it. Book 2 of the To Be A Runner series.

8. 8: Me, Myself and Time

"Runner Five, no."

'I don't see why I can't do-'

"You know exactly why you can't," Maxine sighs while rubbing her temples. She's just as frustrated as I am. We've been arguing about this for fifteen minutes. "You just got back yesterday, and if you were to take take this now you'd throw up your pain medicine and it would have no effect on you."

I glance down at my arm, which now has stitches and looks pretty ugly from my standing view point. I had to get surgery on it when I got back to New Canton; There had been some nerve damage and the severing of some tendons. I didn't really listen to Dr. Lobatse's medical talk. I just wanted the pain to stop. The adrenaline from the run was gone, and all that was left was pain, exhaustion, and more pain.

And because I'd been running, it'd started pumping out more blood. I didn't pass out, but I was definitely feeling woozy and it didn't help that curious watchers at the tunnels wanted to ask exactly what happened.

'I'm sure I'll be fine. I faced a lot worse pain when I got the surgery,' I answer, my gut twisting at the memory. Dr. Lobatse was right when she said they were low on anesthesia. I ended up waking up half-way through surgery, and the pain-God, it was unbearable. I ended up passing out towards the end, just as Dr. Lobatse was about to stitch me up.

I only stayed a day before leaving for Abel, but before I left the doctor gave me three different kinds of medicines: one for the pain, syrup of ipecac, and medicine to heal my throat once I take the syrup. She knew I wasn't going to be going back into New Canton's base for a while, so she gave me the two extra medicines, which is what I'm arguing about with Maxine.

"Runner Five, you can't take this right now. You only have a few days off and that's only because Sam pestered Janine into letting it happen."

'I have five days off,' I counter.

"And it could take up to a week to clear out the tissue, and you know we can't have you out running when there's a chance you'd have to stop and puke your guts up!"

I roll my eyes. 'She says it can take up to a week, not that it will.'

"Five," She says warningly.

'Please, Maxine. Why wait? You have the medicine to help stop the bleeding already, and Dr. Lobatse gave me the other two medicines I need. If this works it could take up to a year for me to talk again. I don't want to have to add another year without speaking.' I look at her desperately. 'There's a fifty percent chance this will even work, and every day I wait my hopes get higher. I don't want to become really hopeful and then be let down so I want to do this now. Please let me be selfish just this once.'

I know it's a bad thing to say, but it's true. This could be considered selfish, but you have to care about yourself sometimes, right? I mean, I'm just going to be sitting around for five days anyway, and if I do this now I won't have to worry about taking off later, meaning I could do even more missions which hopefully will help us in getting closer to Van Ark and making him pay for what he did to Abel.

Maxine sighs, looking at me tiredly. I can tell she's sick of arguing with about this, but whether or not that means she'll let this happen is a give or take. "Alright. Once I'm done with my shift at the hospital I'll give you the medicine. Come back in a few hours and we'll start treatments."

I grin widely, almost beaming as I nod. 'Thank you.' I stand up from my seat, walking across the empty, makeshift hospital room. When I reach the door I turn back to the doctor and wave. 'I will see you in a few hours.'

As I make my through the barely existent building that is the hospital, I can't help but feel a save of excitement. Of course, I know the treatment is going to suck, but it's the first step into getting my voice back. It's the first step for me to start speaking again.

Of course, there is the chance it might not work. I was warned about that, but I try not to think on it too much. I'm trying to look at the positive, as Maxine told me after telling me just what would happen after taking the syrup. It won't be pleasant, that is for sure, but I got shot in the arm two days ago and now I'm missing a part my left ear, meaning I look sort of like those cartoon versions of bikers who have pieces of their ears missing in order to make them look scarier. So really, how bad could vomiting for a few days really be?

As my feet leave the hospital floors to step out into the cold of Abel Township, a gust of winds causes me to shiver and goosebumps erupt onto my skin. With my one long sleeved shirt ruined, I've been forced to wear my short sleeved ones until I get a new one. Jody promised she'd knit me a sweater for Christmas which is only two weeks away, so I have that to look forward to, but until then every time I go outside it's like a race to get to the next building with some shelter from the cold.

Most of the buildings have giant holes or missing roofs or aren't even there anymore, so it's hard to actually get warm, especially for me, but those who are here in Abel do our best to stay comfortable in the Township. And each day more is being restored-the coms shack has been fixed up and the kitchens have entirely been rebuilt-and we've even had a few more people come back to Abel when I came in. We're hoping we can have the Township restored by Valentine's Day, which I would love since I already miss Caleb and the children.

I'm sprinting for the coms shack, my toes and fingers just starting to feel numb as my loose hair whips forward into my face. I wrap my fingers around the doorknob, which is so cold it nearly burns, and yank the door open, rushing inside and slamming it shut.

"What was that?" Jody asks through the coms.

"Oh, that was just Runner Five making a dramatic entrance," Sam says with a smirk, and I have to force myself not to roll my eyes.

"Oh, hey, Five. How's the arm doing?"

Sam glowers when she asks that, and I cringe. I know she's just trying to be a good friend, but every time its brought up Sam's face gets a shadow casted over it and his mood darkens instantly.

'Could you tell her it's doing better?' I ask, and he nods, his eyes still holding a silent anger that almost scares me.

"She said it's getting better." He pauses for a moment. "There's a couple zoms coming out of that yogurt shop to the right, but they look like they're just shamblers."

"Alright, if we have time after I pick up these bed springs I want to go into the craft store. I need some more yarn so I can finish Five's sweater."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll tell you if there's anything heading your way."

He doesn't wait for her to respond. He just flips the switch that turns off the mic and sighs before turning his gaze to me. "There's a blanket over there if you want it."

He jerks his head towards the cot on the far side of the room, where the blanket lays. It's old and the color of the fabric is faded and I already know it doesn't feel the greatest against my skin, but I walk towards it anyway, bending down to pick it up and wrap it around my shoulders. It feels rough as it rubs against my arms, but there's a slight softness too it that keeps me holding on to it.

Sam holds a knowing grin, as if he knew I was going to get the blanket. He says nothing on it, and I don't question his look; I don't need to.

But then his grin fades, and his eyes dart to my injured forearm that is partially covered by the red blanket. There's a look that comes on his face that tells me he's angry; Angry at Nadia for what she did; Disappointed in himself for not noticing sooner; Upset at me for acting so casually about this.

'I really am doing better, you know,' I sign while awkwardly balancing the blanket on my shoulders so it will stay on. 'And it doesn't hurt that much.'

"You were shot in the arm, Five, and you got shot in the ear."

'Only the little bit at the top. I haven't lost any of my hearing from it, and my arm be healed in about four months. Besides, I-'

"That doesn't matter," He interrupts. "Well, I-I mean it does matter that you'll get better, but I just mean that... why are you acting so casually about this? Are you even mad at Nadia for trying to kill you?"

I shrug, my eyes sliding away from Sam's face. 'I am upset, yes, because now I have no warm shirts and I do now have a piece of my ear missing and I had to leave Caleb and the kids, but what's done is done. I can't go back and change it. And I guess in a way I understand why she did what she did.'

"You understand?" He repeats incredulously, and I nod.

'I led her around making her believe someone she loved was still alive and alright. I am upset that she tried to actually kill me, but I-'

"Wait, are you seriously trying to say you deserved what happened?" He can barely choke out the words, and my eyes are downcast. "Five, that wasn't your fault that he died, and you were doing what you had to to protect Abel Township. You know this. How could you possibly... how could you think that?"

'Because I'd do the same thing!' I sign furiously, guilt racking through my body in waves. 'If someone were to make me believe Wes was still alive I would have-'

I stop instantly, feeling the blood drain from my face. How is it, even when I cannot speak, I find a way to say something I'm not supposed to?

"Wes?" Sam questions, his eyebrows furrowing together. "I remember you mentioning him before, I think. Was he a friend of yours?"

'It doesn't matter,' I reply quickly, fear mixing with the ice in my blood and causing my system to freeze up.

"It does if you were willing to kill someone for him."

I want to sign out an excuse-some kind of answer but I can't find the words. I have to get myself out of this situation fast. He can't know about Wes, for multiple reasons. He can't know who he was or how I knew him or how I killed him. He can't know.

'I'm starting treatments for my throat today,' I say, praying that this will be the change of subject that stops his questioning.

"Really?" He asks, his eyebrows shooting upwards. I give myself a little pat on the back for succeeding in the first try.

Pretty much everyone in Abel knows about me trying to get my voice back, and the little bit I gave on how I lost it. Everyone seems appalled, Sam especially since he actually considered how old I was when I lost my voice. He almost looked as mad as he did when I got back from Abel and he was still ranting about how Nadia didn't think about how I would be missed and how people cared about me and so on and so on.

Janine was persistent in trying to find out about who did this to me, and if me being in Abel made the township a target. It took a long while to assure her that it would be just me they wanted, and only if I actually spoke about them. I think she might have believed I was a part of some nut job group or an organization like Netrophil.

She still may believe it, but I told her as much as I can say, and I won't tell anything just to get on her good side.

A wide smile appears on my face as I nod enthusiastically. 'Starts when the doc finishes her shift, which shouldn't take too long since she's just trying to organize medicine and maybe treat one patient.'

"That's... wow. I didn't think you were going to start on that this soon."

'I thought I might as well since I won't be doing anything for the next few days.'

"I thought you'd need more time to uh, you know... hack up all that."

'It said up to that a week, not exactly it would take that long,' I answer. 'I've already had the argument with Maxine, and I was able to convince her to let me start taking it now so I'm sure I'll be fine.'

"Yeah, I hope so. Hold on just a sec." His eyes slide over to the scanners and screens on his desk. He flips the switch to turn his mic back on. "Hey, Runner Four, you got all those bed springs we needed?"

"Got a backpack full of 'em, Sam," Jody replies. Her voice is a bit breathless from all the running but she sounds quite relaxed. I find it surprising since she's always so squeamish during runs. "I don't see any zoms around. Are there any on the scanners?"

"Nope, you're all clear, so that means you can go pick up your yarn," He answers, and we give each other a knowing glance.

"Alright." She tries to say that in a casual manner, but there's a lingering excitement that she can't hide. "Hey, what's Five's favorite color? I've already knitted most of it but I want to put her number on it too."

Sam looks at me expectantly, and it takes a moment for me to answer. It's been a long time since I've thought about colors and which one I liked best. I wasn't really expecting Jody to ask, because she probably could have knitted me a sweater that's the color of poop green and I would've been thankful because I'd be somewhat warm.

'Blue,' I sign after a few moments of silence.

"She says blue."

"Oh, okay. It's not like there are twenty different types of blue yarn in here," Jody grumbles after entering the craft shop on the camera.

'Turquoise then.'

"See if they have any turquoise," Sam says for me.

"Alright, I will."

"Oh, hey, Jody, guess what Five just told me," He says with a smile on his face and it's just visible in his voice.

"What's that?"

"Five is actually going to start taking that medicine for her throat today."

"Really? You're starting that now?" She asks in shock and Sam nods, even though she can't see it.

"Yeah, it's exciting, isn't it?"

"Are you sure that stuff will actually work?" She questions, and I feel a small bit of doubt start to bloom in my chest. If this doesn't work I will be disappointed-very disappointed. If my throat is too damaged I think a part of me-well, another part me-will die.

"We certainly hope so, but it'll take about two months after she you know, throws it all up and all that before it might be healed enough for her to speak. It might take up to a year, or it might..." His voice trails off, but I know what he was going to say, and I'm sure Jody knows it too.

It might not work at all.

"But let's not think on that since we don't know. Let's think about how if you do get your voice back, Runner Five, what will your first word be?"

"Sam, she's actually spoke before. She's not a toddler just learning how to talk." I can almost see Jody rolling her eyes while searching through different colors of yarn.

"I-I know that, but she didn't think she was ever going to speak again, and now might actually get the chance to. So what do you think you're first words will be?"

I blink. I didn't actually think about that. I was just thinking about that fact I'll get to talk again-laugh again-sing again-cry again. I haven't been thinking about first words or what they might be or what they might mean; I've been thinking about all the words I'll get to say after those first words.

'I don't know. I don't think it'll be anything special.'

"You could make it special by saying something like... your name?" He guesses, and I narrow my eyes.

'Not going to happen,' I reply, and Sam groans in defeat, causing Jody to giggle through her headset.

"I'm guessing by that reaction she said no?" She asks while trying to hide her laughter, but failing miserably. "Nice try though, Sam."

I glance up at the small battery powered clock that hangs up in the wall. The glass is cracked but it still works fine, and I can see I still have a little while before Maxine is done working. The more I think about this, the more excited I get at the fact that this will be the first step of me healing. It will be the first step to me maybe getting my voice back. The thought sends a rush of nervousness and fear and joy and excitement all at once.

My hand reaches up to grab at the well known invisible backpack strap, which doesn't go unnoticed by Sam.

"You really are anxious about this, aren't you?"

'I just want to get it over with. If I'm going to be doing it for five days I'd rather get day one done quickly. I already know the process is going to suck.'

"I don't know what Five's said since I can't see her in the coms shack, but just know I'm not going to be holding your hair up while you puke your guts up," Jody states. "I'm leaving the craft shop now. I was able to find a good amount of yarn, and I found some in turquoise too."

"Alright. You can start heading home then. You look clear of zoms, except for a small group from the east. If you keep at that pace you should avoid them." With that he flips the switch again, turning his mic off.

'I don't expect her or anyone else to hold my hair.' I frown. 'That's what hair ties are for and I don't want Maxine to even be in there with me. Why would I want anyone else?'

"You want to do that alone?" He raises a brow in surprise, making me scoff.

'Well, yes. I rather wouldn't have anyone just watching me, and it's not that big of a deal.'

"It could be if your throat starts bleeding too much," He argues.

'I'm not going to be able to keep anything down anyway, and Maxine has medicine to help with the bleeding, so there's nothing to worry about.'

It's not like I'm going to unknowingly drink some sort of acid and then have another liquid forced down my throat so I'll throw it up and then be dragged to a medical room where I'll have surgery to stop the bleeding.

"There's actually a lot of things to worry about when it comes to this, Five."

'Then pray for me. That would make me feel better. I am not backing out of this, though. I want at least a chance to speak again.'

"Well, yeah, I know but... I've already seen you get hurt enough this week." He glances at my left ear and then my left arm which is still half hidden by the blanket.

'It's different this time. This time I'm getting hurt willingly.'

Sam scowls. "That-that doesn't make it any better, you know."

'It will have a better impact, and as far as I know it won't result in death,' I answer with a smile, and Sam grits his teeth.

"That's not exactly reassuring, you know."

'I will be fine. This will hopefully all work out and within a few months I'll be able to speak again.'

I hope.

•

"I'm going to give you two tablespoons of this and then you're going to drink two glasses of water, alright?" Maxine asks as she pours the brown liquid into the clear plastic measuring cup.

I nod, taking the small measuring cup and eyeing the two filled cups of water on the nearby table.

The hospital room is on the far side of the building. While there are no patients currently since the last one left about thirty minutes ago, I was sent into this room just in case someone else comes in. If anyone does, they'll be put in a room away from this one and away from me.

"It'll take about fifteen minutes for it to work, then you'll vomit for five to ten minutes, stop, then vomit again, stop, and then most likely vomit again and so on. If you finish vomiting you'll dry heave for a while and after you've done that for a few rounds you should be done. I want you to get me immediately so I can check your throat and see just how bad the bleeding will be. It shouldn't be too bad but I will have to give you some medicine to stop the bleeding and you'll drink some more water so you can rehydrate."

I feel my stomach churn even though I have yet to take the medicine. I've heard this before, but it still sends me a queazy feeling at hearing it. I nod, my eyes staring straight ahead at the dark skinned doctor.

"You know I could stay in here if you want. I've seen a lot of things, Runner Five. You throwing up isn't going to bother me." She gives a smile in attempt to lighten the mood, but it doesn't, and I shake my head.

'I will be okay. Don't worry.'

Maxine nods respectively, saying she'll be around the corner if needed. Then she leaves, and I'm left alone with the measuring cup of the syrup pinched between my fingers. I take in a deep breath.

Here we go.

I down the syrup as quick as possible, nearly gagging at the taste. It's sweet-almost too sweet, like dates or chocolate frosting. After drinking it I set down the measuring cup and grab the first cup of water. I drink the first half of it in gulps, desperate to get that horrible taste off my tongue, but it doesn't leave. I drink the rest of the cup, and then the second a bit slower.

But still the taste is there, and it's just as strong as when it first touched my tongue. It tickles at my tongue and throat and no matter how much I rub my tongue against the roof of my mouth.

It's a minor inconvenience, so I just keep brushing my tongue against the roof of my mouth and make odd choking noises to help with the tickle in my throat. It doesn't help much, but it gives me a bit of a distraction.

Until about eight minutes later.

Then I begin to gag. It's like I have something in my throat that I can't get out. I run over to the five gallon bucket Maxine got out for me, but nothing comes up. My throat keeps convulsing, but nothing is happening.

My mind glitters with thoughts if confusion and worry. Is this supposed to happen? Maxine didn't mention this. As I just having some weird reaction to it?

Those thoughts and the gagging continues for minutes until my throat is aching, and still nothing has come up.

Then fifteen minutes in, something does.

I vomit into the bucket, stomach convulsing so hard it shocks me the first time, but I barely have the time to truly acknowledge it because it keeps happening over and over again. It's so violent that I retch forward each time, and I feel like I have to hold onto the bucket for dear life.

There's a ripping in my throat-a tearing. The searing pain makes me want to scream but I can't because I'm still vomiting and I can see the small bit of scar tissue that was a part of my throat for just a split moment before it's covered with more vomit and blood.

With each time it happens the pain in my throat and stomach intensifies, growing worse and worse and another small section of tissue comes up along with more blood. It all hurts. My stomach, my throat, even my lungs because I'm going without air and it's taking everything just to draw in one single breath before I'm retching forward again, filling up the bucket with the contents of my stomach, blood, and smaller bits of tissue.

It feels like an eternity before I stop. The smell of it all disgusts me, but I feel too weak to push myself away. The taste in my mouth is sour and rotten, with the taste of the ipecac still buzzing on my tongue. I swallow the small bit of blood that's starting to trickle down my throat, and in my hazy, weak state I realize just how little blood that is. I must've only torn a few pieces of tissue off, even though it hurts like anything.

That's when I realize why I have to throw up multiple times a day.

That's when I also realize this was just the first round of vomiting.

Oh, Lord, help me.

A/N: Hello, everyone. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Also sorry if that last part was a bit disturbing to you. Please be sure to vote and comment so I know what you think. Thank you and have a nice day.