**TW for mentions of abuse, rape, homelessness, self-harm, and attempted suicide.

Emma closed her eyes as they pulled into the driveway, so many memories hitting her. The last time she had been here was when her and Zelena finally took the next step in their relationship and it had been such a magical moment. Zelena looked over and smiled sadly. "Memories?"

"Yeah. So many, but mostly…us."

"Me too. Honestly, I had considered staying at Granny's, but I know Regina would be disappointed."

"I feel like she hates me. I mean, I don't blame her, but I've never seen her look at me the way she did earlier."

"She doesn't hate you, Emma. She…you were her best friend. She was hurt and had no idea it wasn't your fault."

Emma just nodded before getting out of the car. "This isn't easy."

"I'm right here." Zelena assured her, taking her hand. "Emma, if you let me, I'll always be right here."

Emma looked at Zelena. "You'd give me another chance?"

"Emma, I'd give you all the chances in the world, but this wasn't your fault." She looked down a moment. "I never fell out of love with you. Some people say it's stupid because we were so young, but I could never stop loving you."

Emma closed her eyes, tears brimming them. "I never stopped loving you, Lena. I never could be with anyone else…never have been with anyone else."

Zelena wiped Emma's tears. "Me neither."

"It's so complicated though, isn't it? You're in Boston, I'm in Maine and we both have jobs and…"

"Emma, breathe." Zelena said, rubbing her thumb over Emma's hand. "We don't have to and honestly shouldn't figure this out now. We can talk, we can exchange numbers, and we can figure it out as we go. I just know that I can't go another decade without seeing you."

Emma smiled lightly. "Me neither." She let out a long breath. "Let's get this over with."

"Emma, if you don't want to…"

"I don't, but I have to. I just hope Regina has something strong to drink."

"Regina? Where's Graham tonight?" Kathryn asked as she sat in front of the fireplace.

"He's working. He asked if I wanted him here, but I figured Zelena and I would be catching up, so I said no. He'll be home late tonight."

"They're just standing out there talking." Ruby said, looking out the window. "I think they're going to kiss."

Regina felt like she was in school again as she went to look out the window. She smiled at them. "This reminds me of when I first caught them."

"They'll be back soon." Emma said as she broke the kiss for air. She and Zelena had been 'secretly' dating for about a month now and though neither were ashamed, they wanted it to be a secret a bit longer.

"They're shopping, Ems, don't worry." Zelena said, kissing her girlfriend again. It was Thanksgiving break and Cora had agreed to let 'Regina's friend' stay over for the holiday.

Emma pulled away. "But if they catch us, I'm screwed."

"No, you're not." Zelena said, stroking Emma's cheek. "I hate that you have that fear, Ems, but I promise you, my parents wouldn't do anything bad. They'd just keep more of an eye on us."

"Then why don't you want to tell them about us?" Emma asked, biting her lip.

"Oh, Emma. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just…I wanted time with you. I'm not at all ashamed and if you want, I will tell them as soon as they come back."

"No. No you're right. Let's keep it between us a little longer." Emma said, smiling softly before kissing Zelena again.

"Guys, mom and dad are coming." Regina said, interrupting them. "I knew you were together!" She smiled wide. "I'm so happy for both of you!"

"I knew it." Henry said with a smile. "I just knew you were the reason my daughter has been so happy. Don't worry, we're not upset, we'll just…keep a bit of an eye out, but I feel we can trust you."

Emma blushed as she had not even heard anyone come home. Cora smiled as well, hugging her daughter and then Emma. "Don't worry, Emma, we accept this and honestly, I couldn't think of a better person for our Zelena to be with."

Emma smiled softly, relief flooding her. "Thank you. I really do like her and I know we're young, but it's real."

"Of course, it is." Cora stated, smiling at her daughter. "Zelena, I hope you've been respectful. I hate to say this but because of Emma's essay, I know she hasn't been respected in the past."

Emma looked down but Zelena took her hand. "She will never be disrespected again, mom. I promise that."

Regina blinked as the couple started coming into the house. "Maybe we'll finally get some answers."

"Emma!" Kathryn exclaimed, going to the blonde and hugging her. "I couldn't believe it when they said you were back. You too, Zee. Gosh, this feels like old times."

Before Emma could say anything, Regina came over and hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry, Emma. This is what I should have done when I first saw you instead of blaming you for things that weren't your fault."

Emma hugged her back, closing her eyes as she held her one-time best friend. "It's okay. You didn't know."

"I still don't know the details."

"I told them some, Emma and I'm sorry for that, but I didn't tell them everything."

"It's okay. They deserve to know."

"Only if you are sure you want to." Zelena offered.

"I do. I just need a drink. I also may need Mal to take over if I…if I can't."

Mal smiled softly and gave a nod. "I've got you, Swan."

"And I've got you a drink." Ruby said, handing Emma a glass. "Regina's famous cider."

"I just hope it's strong enough." Emma said, downing the glass in one gulp.

Regina shot a worried look to Mal who gave a small shrug. She knew this was going to be hard for Emma, so she nodded to have Regina refill her glass.

"Take it easy, Ems. It's stronger than you think."

Emma sipped it this time. "Right. You guys aren't really used to me drinking. Don't worry, I have a knack for it."

Zelena took Emma's hand and sat down with her on the sofa. "That's something we'll talk about later as well."

Emma sighed but gave a nod, putting the glass on the table. "I don't really know where to start."

"When our mom called you in to talk to you, was that the first time?" Regina asked, sitting as well.

"Yes." Emma said with a nod. "I guess I'll start around there." She stared into the fire. "You all know about how I graduated with honors but still wasn't being accepted into any college and had a hard time even finding work. Granny let me stay with her and work for her but apparently, she wasn't supposed to. After Zelena and Regina left for school, she called me here to talk." She closed her eyes, picturing the office. "I thought…I thought it was going to be a pep talk or something, I mean, she was never mean to me before. I could tell right away though that it wasn't that. She told me how disappointed she was that I was working for Granny and not going to school. She said I was a waste of time and space and not good enough to be with Zelena or even be friends with Regina." Emma was already tearing up and had a lump in her throat. "It took me by surprise because she had been like a mother to me for three years. I tried telling her that I was doing my best and that I'd make sure I was good enough for her daughters, but she glared and smirked at me. She said 'Emma, you will never be good enough. You will never get accepted into a school and you will never find work around here. I have made sure of that. Granny didn't listen to me, but the longer she keeps you, the more she will pay.' I told her I didn't understand and she…she stood up and came over, pinching my chin. 'I let Zelena have her fun in school, but now it's time for her to grow up and find someone who deserves her. You do not. You are nothing. You will always be nothing. I will make absolute sure of that. I hope you've enjoyed your taste of the good life because you will never actually have it. Stay far away from my girls. If I hear you've contacted either of them, you will pay and so will they.'"

Mal softly rubbed Emma's back as Regina just shook her head, anger filling her. Zelena held Emma's hand, trying so hard to be strong for her. "What did she mean by that?" Kathryn asked.

"I didn't know at first, but I did know that I couldn't let Granny pay for being kind to me. I went to the B&B, packed my things, and left, taking all the money I had. I figured I had enough saved to get a bus once on the mainland and just go until I was either broke or out of road to go on. I wanted so badly to go to Boston and find Zelena or reach out and tell Regina, but after her threat, I couldn't. My mistake was that I went to Maine instead of out west, but I thought Maine would be kinder to someone down on their luck. Once I got to the mainland, I bought a phone and hopped on a bus. I knew I had to be careful with my money, but I had no idea how far Cora's reach was. While I was on the bus, I called one of the places I had applied for and eventually got it out of them that they were warned not to hire me, and they didn't want the drama. The University of Boston said that they were also warned not to accept me. I then figured Cora had called all the schools I'd applied for. She would know since she had access to my record. I figured she also called everywhere I applied for jobs because I had her as a reference." Emma shook her head. "I was so stupid."

"No, you weren't Emma. It was my fault. I knew how she could be, and I let my guard down. When mother came to my dorm, I should have tried harder to find you." Zelena said, tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Emma sighed and took another drink. "Lena, I can't do this if you and Regina are going to keep apologizing when it wasn't your fault. I hate to say it, but this gets so much worse before it gets better."

"I just…fuck! I wish she was here to fucking answer for this!" Zelena said, getting up and pacing. "She can't apologize, she can't even answer any questions now. She's a damned coward."

"She's dead, Zelena." Regina said softly. "I'm not excusing her by any means, but it's not like she ran away; she died."

"Yes, she died without fixing her mistakes!"

"Lena, please don't get so upset." Emma said softly. "Yes, it gets worse before it gets better, but thanks to Mal, it does get better."

Zelena took a breath and sat back down by Emma, taking her hand. "It gets better?"

Emma nodded and looked at Mal. "Will you tell her?"

Mal smiled softly. "It gets better."

"Where did you go?" Kathryn asked quietly.

"I got off the bus in Freeport Maine because I just couldn't sit anymore. I had enough money to get a cheep motel room for the night and well, honestly, I cried myself to sleep." She looked at Mal, knowing what was coming up and Mal put her hand on Emma's shoulder for support. "The next morning while I was waiting at the bus stop, a woman started talking to me and while she was, a guy grabbed my bag and ran. I had all my money in my bag, and it was all gone. I went to call the police, but the woman hit my leg with her umbrella and ran off. When I finally did call them, they said there wasn't much they could do. I had nothing but my phone at that point. No money, no clothes, nothing. I found a pawn shop and got about forty bucks for the phone, but I had no idea what to do."

Zelena shook her head. "Was your blanket in your bag?"

At that, Emma felt more tears. Her blanket was the only thing she had from her parents before they died when she was a baby. "Yes. I need another drink."

Mal poured her one and rubbed her back. "Do you need a break?"

Emma shook her head and took a drink. "No, but if anyone else does, that's fine." Everyone shook their heads and Emma continued. "You think you know what it's like to be homeless, you know? You see the shows, you see the news, even as a foster kid going from home to home, you think you know. The thing is, until you are homeless, you have no idea. Even in small towns, people treat homeless like rats. Men think they can treat you however they want, women think they can talk to you like trash, even kids look at you like you're horrible."

"Did anyone…did they…" Kathryn sighed. "Did they rape you?" She knew Emma's past and hoped against hope it didn't happen.

"They tried, but I fought them off." Emma admitted. "Anything I got by panhandling was saved other than the apple or banana I'd buy every morning to eat. I applied everywhere, but being I had no phone, no address, or anything like that, it was impossible. I'd do things like carry groceries for people, but really, the only thing I had was panhandling. I slept in boxes, shivered myself to sleep, got used to feeling hungry, and felt so utterly alone. I'd walk all day, going town to town to try and find a job, get rides if the person seemed nice, and once or twice, found a barn to sleep in. There were some nice people who'd give me more money than usual, give me blankets, clothes, food, water, but it was rare. I lived like this for three years before…before it was too much. I couldn't envision living the rest of my life like that and figured there really was no point. After I once again had everything stolen from me, I was literally standing on a bridge, about to jump, when a police officer stopped me. I broke down right there. I started sobbing and telling him my whole life story. I look back and feel so bad for him, but he saved me. He pulled me back and, because I was suicidal, he took me to a hospital. The seventy-two-hour hold turned into 30 days, then 90 days as I worked hard with the doctor to put my mind back together. Once she cleared me, social services helped to find me a shelter where I was given a safe place to sleep, food, clothing, even a social worker to help me find a job."

Emma chewed on her lip. "But she followed me. I told the doctor about Cora, and she assured me that she felt it was over, but as soon as I started applying for jobs and continued to get rejected, the social worker looked into it and said someone was keeping tabs on me and preventing me from getting a job. I had worked so hard so when I heard this, it was so painful. The social worker tried, she called places and assured them I was a good worker, but no one wanted to chance it." Emma grabbed some tissues and wiped at her eyes. "I left there because it was so hard seeing them try only to have nothing work. I had clothes and a bit of food and never took my bag off so it wouldn't get stolen. Once again, I was on the streets and once again, I was feeling rather low. I pushed through for another few months but then had planned on ending it again. That morning, however, I was trying to get warm with a hot cup of coffee when I saw someone running down the street. This wasn't exercise running, he was running away from something. That's when I saw Mal chasing after him with determination on her face. I figured I had nothing to lose, so when he got closer, I tackled him and held him down until Mal came over." Emma looked at Mal and smiled.

"She was great. I had been chasing after this guy for weeks and all I could think was he was going to make me lose out on $10,000. I only take the heavy hitters and needed to get him. Thanks to Emma, I did. I turned him in, got my reward money and went back to find her to give her half." Mal looked at Emma who took a shuttering breath. She took Emma's hand and held it. "I'm glad I did too because when I found her, she was about to slit her wrists. I grabbed the blade from her and threw it before just hugging her. I could tell a lost soul when I saw one and she was lost." Emma just sat there, staring at the flames and letting Mal take over. "She was stubborn, but finally, she agreed to come stay at my place. I let her shower, fed her, and gave her half of the reward. I told her she wasn't being held captive, but I wanted her to stay at least the night. She was underweight and just depressed. She slept almost solid for two weeks, waking up only when I forced her to in order to eat. Finally, one night, she asked about my job. After I explained it to her, I asked if she wanted to be my partner because I realized I needed help. It took a few months, but we finally got our business up and running when I got a call from Cora. She acted all sweet, telling me what a terrible worker Emma is and how I shouldn't work with her, but once I told her to go pound sand, she threatened me. I laughed at her and hung up because there's nothing she could do to harm me. When I told Emma about it, she told me her whole story and I was happier than ever that I found her."

Emma smiled softly and wiped at her eyes. "She did more than find me, she saved me. She stopped me from ending it, stood up to Cora, and trusted me to work with her."

"We're now feared by bail jumpers." Mal said with a chuckle.

Emma grinned. "We make pretty good money, I've not been cold or hungry for four years, and I've done pretty well at getting my life in order." She looked at Zelena. "I've wanted to call you every day. I wanted to see you so badly. I just…being that Cora still was watching me, I knew I couldn't. Once you've been homeless, it's hard to change the way you think and live." She looked at Regina. "So many times, I talked to myself pretending I was talking to you. All of you, but sorry, mostly Regina."

"That makes sense." Ruby said softly, dabbing at her own tears. "You two were closer in some ways."

"I just…" Emma tried taking a deep breath but found it hard. "I didn't realize until I came back just how much I need to know why. What did I do wrong? What was so wrong with me?"

Regina came over and Mal shifted away so the woman could hug Emma without making Zelena move. "Emma, I wish I could tell you why she did what she did, but I can't. There's nothing wrong with you, you did nothing wrong. I'm going to look through all of her things and see if I can find anything, but in the meantime, I'm just so glad you're here and that you didn't succeed in killing yourself."

Mal stepped back as Ruby and Kathryn also came over, the four of them surrounding Emma in love. "Emma, don't ever leave without contacting us again." Kathryn said. "I completely get why you did, but please, don't do that again. I've missed you so much, we all have."

"I'm sorry." Emma sobbed, leaning her head on Zelena's shoulder. "I just couldn't stand the thought of any of you getting hurt because of me."

"Ems, look at me." Zelena stated and waited until Emma looked at her. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Absolutely nothing. I never want to hear you apologize for this again because it was her doing, not yours."

After a bit, Emma was able to calm down and Kathryn stood and stretched. "Regina, do you mind if I take a guest room? I drank a bit too much. I won't be a bother."

"You know it's fine." Regina said, waving her hand. "You can use the same one you used last time." She looked at Emma and Mal. "You two can stay as well if you want."

Emma bit her lip. "Honestly? I kinda feel like I've been on a roller costar today and I think I need to go back to the B&B to recover." She looked at Zelena. "Can I come see you tomorrow?"

"If you don't, I'll be breaking down your door." She said with a grin.

"Emma, are you sure you don't want to stay here?" Mal asked. "I can get a cab with Ruby back."

"All my stuff is back there." Emma said, though she'd love to stay and just be close to Zelena. "I mean, unless I can borrow some pajamas."

"Yes." Zelena said with a smile. "I have plenty."

"That settles it." Mal said with a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, sweet girl."

Emma said good night to everyone and headed up the stairs with Zelena. Once in her room, she felt a bit shy. "Zelena, I really…I mean I really am tired."

"Emma, I'm not expecting anything. We haven't seen each other for years; I'm not going to jump into sex with you. However, I am going to invite you to sleep in my bed, but if you'd rather take a guest room, I understand."

"I'd like to sleep in here if that's okay."

"It is." Zelena said, handing her some pajamas. "Bathroom is still through that door."

Once the two were ready, they lay in bed together. Emma hesitated but then cuddled in with Zelena, taking a deep breath. "You smell the same."

Zelena chuckled. "So, do you." Zelena traced shapes on Emma's back. "I'm really glad you didn't kill yourself, but I do understand why you'd think you had to. I hate that you were in those situations, Emma. I hate it and I don't know how to stop being angry about it."

"I still get angry sometimes. I still hurt sometimes. But…I'm here. I'm here and you're here, and she's not here. Can we maybe focus on that?"

Zelena smiled and kissed the top of Emma's head. "We can. Let's get some sleep."

There was some silence for a few moments before Emma very softly opened her mouth. "I love you."

Zelena could hear the vulnerability in Emma's voice, so she held her close. "I love you, too."