Two Sides Of The Same Coin

The clanking sound of dishes filled the kitchen, the cutlery rinkling against the metal bottom of the sink. Standing side by side, Lucifer would pass her a clean one and she'd dry it before putting it away.

"So, the meeting was a mess?"

Chloe snorted, accepting the glass from him. "Pretty sure a mess is an understatement in this case. No one had prepared anything, or even discussed the topic with each other beforehand." She put it down on the counter too hard, and a crack appeared. She really had to get a new batch of glassware soon.

She sighed. "I don't know why I even bother."

"They're lucky to have you."

His voice seemed to slip on the last vowel, but she dismissed it as fatigue on her part. They were both fraying at the edges.

And the real work hasn't even started yet.

Chloe pressed a kiss to his shoulder before taking the soapy plate from him. Rubbing it dry, she tried to catch his eye but failed as he stood bent over the sink.

"Speaking of work, how did it go down there? Did you make some progress? "

Lucifer let out a mirthless chuckle. "Same as always. Bloody depressing, filled with the damned, demons all around."

There it was again, that lazy lilt to his tongue. Was he just tired? Could he be having a stroke now he was able to make himself vulnerable again? Were angels capable of having those?

Worry stirred in her gut. She dried her hands off before putting one on his shoulder. He stiffened beneath her touch, then relaxed.

"Is everything alright?"

He put a wet hand on top of hers, squeezing it a little too hard. "Why shouldn't I be, now that you're here?"

Finally, he turned towards her, and her heart stopped.

A scar crossed the length of his face, his built broader than she remembered as he straightened himself to his full height.

She yanked her hand back so quick his nails drew blood and started to back away.

"Hello, Detective," Michael drawled in that awful voice of his, a mockery of the one so dear to her.

Her mind short-circuited, blood freezing in her veins. Her gun. Where was her gun? But it's no use, a small part of her mind whispered. The knot of fear tightened into a cold fist.

"You- you shouldn't-"

He cocked his to one side, the movement predatory. "Shouldn't what? Be here?" He tutted. "And I thought you were supposed to have an open-mind."

Chloe's back hit the counter, the panic rising inside her not caring that it was impossible. It rose up, clutching at her breath.

An awful smile spread over his ruined face as he looked her up and down. His gaze clung to her like an oily sheen, and revulsion bubbled up inside of her. "Look at you, all wound up. Truly a pity my brother spoiled you for me."

He withdrew his hand from the sink, water streaming down the kitchen knife in rivulets. "All the fun we could've had." Then his face darkened. "But of course Lucifer had to have his way."

Chloe's hand bumped against a vase, and without a second thought she hurled the object at him. It found its purpose, shattering in his face but without any effect.

She had to move, find higher ground. The block of knives was behind him, and he pair of scissors and other sharp objects were in the drawers. Move. But she found herself rooted to the spot as her dark memories rose to the surface.

"Oh, Detective, why did you have to go and ruin it now?" Anger - no, rage- contorted his features into an ugly snarl, grip tightening on the knife.

Michael lashed out, fast as a viper, and Chloe feinted left before darting right. But he'd been expecting her.

He grabbed her by her upper arm and swung, sending her crashing against the cupboard, her teeth rattling in her skull.

She managed two well-placed jabs in his ribs, which should've left a grown man on his knees gasping for breath. Instead it felt like she'd hit solid rock. Then he was upon her.

Chloe gripped his wrist, the knife inches away from her throat. Why wasn't her newfound strength doing more?

Michael's eyes were frenzied, bulging in their sockets, his breathing labored. He looked like a rabid dog. "This could have all been avoided if you'd just chosen me."

"Go to hell," Chloe spat.

He slammed his head into hers, black stars blooming behind her eyes. Her hand fell away from his wrist, and Michael struck.

Pain bloomed in her gut, and Chloe looked down to see him twisting the blade.

The baby. The baby. The baby.

Michael leaned in close to whisper. "Wrong answer." And pulled out the knife.

She pressed her hands against her abdomen, palms stained crimson. Her legs gave way beneath her, and she slid down to the floor.

"See you on the other side." He tipped his head back, malformed shoulder shaking with malice. His cruel laughter chased her into waking.

Chloe bolted upright, panting so hard it felt like she couldn't breathe. Bile rose up in her throat. Cold sweat clung to her skin, her hair plastered against her temples. Her hands flew to her abdomen under her shirt and came away clean when she pressed. The only thing noticeable was the old scar from the war.

"Chloe?"

Lucifer called her name again, voice laced with concern. One of his arms was half-stretched out towards.

She let out a distressed yelp, her fear spiking, scrambling backwards until she hit the headboard. Because for a second, it wasn't her partner's face that greeted her. It was him.
Hurt flashed across his features, almost instantly replaced by understanding. He dropped his arm mid-air.

"You dreamed of him again, didn't you? "

Chloe nodded, trying to get the air back into her lungs. Her heart was beating so fast she was worried it might stop. She had to feeling she was about to vomit but didn't think her legs could carry her to the bathroom.

"It's okay. It's not real. He can't hurt you."

The darkness in the penthouse pressed in at her from all sides, and she was back in the cage. Back underground, not knowing what was going to happen to her. Back in the stadium, bleeding out before everything went black. Helpless. Weak.

The rustle of sheets, and she felt Lucifer move closer, but without touching her, giving her space. She didn't look at him, staring at a spot on the ceiling as she tried to calm her breathing.

"Chloe, it's okay. It's me. I'm here." The quiver in his voice betrayed his worry, and she could picture the helplessness on his face without looking. "Was it the same one as last time?" he asked.

She pressed her lips into a thin line. "There was... a struggle. And I lost, as always. But this time he didn't just kill me, he killed-"

Her words ended in a sob, and she pressed the back of her hand over her mouth to stifle it. She curled her other arm around the slight swell of her belly.

It's okay, Rory. Mommy's here. Mommy's here.

Lucifer placed a careful hand on her shoulder, and when she didn't shy away from his touch, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her close against him.

"I'm here. I'm here. Nothing's going to hurt you."

Sobs racked through her frame as she buried her face in his chest, casting her pride aside. Lucifer, she thought, repeating his name like a mantra. Lucifer.

He cradled the back of her head with one hand, the other curved around her waist. Murmuring words of comfort against her hairline.

The words themselves didn't register. Chloe was focused instead on the elegant rise and fall of his vowels, the way his tongue formed around the consonants. Crisp and clean. Not that horrid, lazy drawl.

By the time her tears stopped coming, she felt empty inside. Hollow. But her unease hadn't subsided, lurking just below the surface.

His bare skin was warm under cheek, always aglow with that internal heat. She lifted her head in order to look at him.

The relief on his face when she did felt like a gut punch. Guilt pooled in her stomach.

"Don't." He grazed his hand over the small of her back. "Don't blame yourself. Not for this."

She sniffled. "I'm not afraid of you."

"I know. I know, love."

"It's just that when I opened my eyes, for a split second-"

"-you saw him."

Lucifer hugged her closer. "It's just instinct and intuition. Nothing more, nothing less. I would expect no different from you, Detective."
A barely-there smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. He'd gotten more creative in his terms of endearment the past few years, trying out new ones on various occasions. But she suspected that this one would stick with her all her life, even though that wasn't her rank anymore.

She couldn't bring herself to be upset about it, though. She never could. Not in the way he said it.

Silence stretched between them, and the back of her neck prickled at the dark now her initial panic had diminished. It was too quiet here.

Metal bars. A weak beam of sunlight filtering through a gap in the rock. The scent of mold and rotting straw. Uneven footsteps on flagstones.

"Can you turn the lights on, please? All of them?"

"Of course."

Lucifer pressed a kiss to against her forehead before settling her against the pillows. He stood up and shrugged his bathing robe on in a swift motion, then paced into the living room.

The lights above the bar sputtered to life first, followed by the ones above the seating area and the braziers. The lamp next to her side of the bed turned on, and she found her the knot in her chest loosening ever so slightly.

Chloe slipped out of the bed and slipped her own night robe on, then padded after him into the seating area.

The lighting in the penthouse wasn't stark by any means. On the contrary, it cast a low, warm glow over everything. She'd always found it cozy, romantic even. But tonight it just wasn't enough.

Lucifer walked back in from lighting the lanterns on the terrace, hair still ruffled from bed. "Is this better?"

She wrapped her robe tighter around her, managing a tight smile. "A bit." But it wasn't. He'd been here. Between these walls.

Chloe cast an uneasy glance around. Walls. Did the room seem smaller, or was that just a feeling?

There certainly was a lot more space with the panic room finally disassembled. Nevertheless, the shadows seemed to lengthen, walls inching closer each time she looked away. A trap, closing in on her.

She closed her eyes, swallowed against her rising unease. Dread slithered down her spine. He wasn't here. It hadn't been real. He was in Hell. He couldn't hurt her anymore.

Yet every time silence fell she could hear that horrid laughter still ringing in her ear.

Somewhere in the back of her mind sat shame, but it was being cornered by panic and irrational fear. Footfalls sounded, then stopped right in front of her.

"Tell me what you need."

"I need to get out," she said on an uneven breath. "I need to get out now."

"Wait here, love."

The sound of his voice grounded her, giving her the sliver of strength to peel her eyes open. She watched him disappear into the bedroom, hearing him rummage around. He appeared again holding both of their clothes.

He handed her her jeans and sweatshirt. "Here. Thought you might want to put these on, although I won't object to your current outfit." He tried to sound playful in an effort to comfort her, but the worry bled into his tone.

"Thanks," she croaked, taking the clothes from him. Dressed only in a shirt that grazed the top of her legs, it wasn't exactly warm now she was out from under the sheets.

They both dressed quickly, wanting to put as many layers of clothing as possible over the scar she was now acutely aware of.

"Ready?"

She all but dashed through the doors onto the terrace, speeding past a whiteboard with Lucifer's endless to-do list. 'Nursery?' it read at the top in great, black letters, above 'stroller' and 'bubble wrap'. The box next to 'pajamas' had been ticked off.

The sounds of traffic below were louder here, the noise like a tendril connecting her to the world of the living. And she was a ghost.

Lucifer's footfalls were louder than usual, purposely announcing his presence so as not to startle her. If he wished, he could be as silent as a cat.

He brushed a hand down the small of her back, stepping up beside her. "Lucifer Airways, at your service. Where would the lady like to go?"

"Somewhere high. Open. No walls. I want to be able to see around me." She loathed how small she sounded, hoarse even. How hard had she screamed in her sleep?

"Your wish is my command." He scooped her up easily, one hand at the hollow of her knees, the other around her waist. Huge, white wings burst from his back, and they were off.

Chloe laced her hands behind his head, pressing her face into the crook of his neck to avoid the sting of the wind in her already sore eyes. She planted a kiss to his neck just above the collar of his shirt before settling down again, his thumb grazing her back in turn.

Guilt churned inside her. It wasn't his fault that they looked alike. It wasn't his fault she'd responded like that.

Occasionally she would look down for a second, the lights of Los Angeles flashing by far below. She couldn't tell where they were, or which direction they were going. It didn't matter. The roar of the wind filled her ears, along with the steady beat of his wings. It helped push her thoughts to the back of her mind.

After a while, he started to descend, the wind lashing out and howling around them. The strength of the gusts lessened as they got closer to ground, Lucifer beating his wings in an effort to keep them both as steady as possible as they landed. The air was much warmer here, and sensation was starting to return to her numb fingers.

"Here we are."

Chloe lifted her head, and was greeted with the top of the huge, white letters of the Hollywood sign just below her over the ledge.

Leave it to him to pick out a spot.

He carefully lowered her to the ground, searching her for approval. "Is this alright for you? I can fly somewhere else if you'd like, anywhere-"

She cut him off with a shake of her head, gratitude settling in her chest beside lingering fear and panic. Scanning the area, she found that the hiking trails were empty, the hilltop providing her with excellent oversight of her surroundings. Nothing could sneak upon her now. "No, this is good. This is perfect."

Lucifer's shoulders relaxed, visibly relieved. He shrugged the jacket of his suit off and lay it on the ground, then sat down on it. Patting the space next to him, he looked up at her with such expectation.

He didn't like doing nothing, he was much more a man of action. Planning and calculating how to take on things, how to succeed or profit from a bargain. Sitting around and simply waiting was an excellent way of driving insane. Their various stake-outs over the years had made that all but crystal clear.

Chloe sank down beside him on the ground, aware she was sitting on hundreds of dollars. But if he didn't make a point of it, then neither would she. She rested her head on his shoulder, the fabric cool from their flight. He curved a protective arm around her waist.

They sat in silence for a moment, gazing out over the expanse of the city, from the twinkling lights of the suburbs to the blazing glow of the skyscrapers in the center. The only sound was the chirp of the crickets in the dry scrubs dotting the landscape.

Lucifer was the first to break the silence. "Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to," he added quickly.

"No, I do." She plucked a strand of dry grass, twirling it between her fingers. "It's just a bit hard to find the right words." The last thing she wanted was to hurt him, especially since none of this was his fault.

He leaned his head against hers. "Take your time."

"I-" She swallowed, shifting closer against him. "The fact that I dreamed... that again took me by surprise. They'd been getting so irregular over the last couple of weeks that I'd just assumed they'd stopped."

The worst period had been right after they'd won the war. As ecstatic that she was that they were both still alive, and that he loved her, the aftermath of the events lingered in both their minds. Those six weeks together had been blissful, but sometimes interspersed with a melancholic undertone.

Lucifer was still grieving his sister and grappling with the fact that both his parents were now irrevocably gone. Often when she woke up at night, she'd find him watching her. When she asked why he simply replied, 'To see if you were still breathing'.

Chloe did the same, only in her case she could only fall asleep on bad days with her head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. Making sure it was still there.

And then there were the nightmares.

She'd wake up screaming, throat raw, completely disoriented. Sometimes Michael killed her, in various ways. In others she was holding Dan as he bled out in her arms or seeing Lucifer dissolve into nothing. But the worst ones weren't those were she was kidnapped. It were the ones were she came home to an empty house and couldn't find Trixie anywhere. The only clue was a mottled gray feather lying on her bed.

And she knew.

Now it seemed her mind had conjured up an equally horrifying one, but this time it involved Rory dying alongside her.

During their vacation, which had felt more like a honeymoon than anything else, there had been dozens upon dozens of nights where they'd enjoyed each other's bodies, reveling in the other's presence.

But an equally large amount was spent hollow-eyed over large mugs of coffee, neither of them daring to go back to sleep, mindlessly watching late night television until dawn broke at last.

"I thought they were over," Chloe repeated. "At least the ones that were this vivid, the ones that felt so real." The strand of grass snapped between her fingers. "Guess I was wrong."

She watched it blow away in the breeze. "It was one of the reasons I took the necklace from the safe. Without my gun, without my badge, I needed something else to hold on to. "

Lucifer hadn't minded that she'd taken it, being happy that helped her. At least initially. He'd given her the code after they'd gotten together, in case she was ever in need of 'some cash' (his words, not hers) and didn't have any on hand. She had been curious to finally know what it was, her team effort with Linda having failed in cracking it that night. Apparently, he'd changed it right after giving her her present. The new code had turned out to be her birthday.

"I didn't want to feel weak anymore. To bear the full brunt of my mortality, not being able to protect my family." Her tone wavered. "I wanted to be able to have your back again. Against whatever we faced."

Who knows what I might have prevented.

"Chloe, there has never been a time when you didn't have my back. Even during our most difficult periods, I knew I could always count on you. Always."

Lucifer's thumb was drawing idle circles against her waist. "I still have those nightmares, too. Dwelling on might-have-beens and what-if's has never done anyone any good. Take it from an expert."

Her lip quirked into a half-smile. "Your inner shrink is showing."

His fingers dug lightly into her side, just enough to make her jump at the tickling sensation. She let out a squeal, playfully swatting his arm.

"That means I must be doing a good job, then."

Chloe let out a humming sound, nestling herself once more against his side. "Well, don't let me stop you from doing so."

He kissed the top of her head. "I'm not going to pretend to know what it's like to be human, though I do can attest to vulnerability. In the end, it's something you learn to accept, to work with. Sometimes you can't change the hand that you're dealt. But that doesn't have to be your weakness."

She could feel him smile. "I mean, look at our Rory. The best of both of us."

A shadow passed over her face. "But with my vulnerabilities."

"And a million other fantastic qualities, love."

She placed her hand on top of the one he had on her side.

"Everyone has their weaknesses. Yours and mine are different, and some of them are the same. But regardless of what they are, certain people will always find a way to turn it against you. So don't beat yourself up over it."

A rush of affection surged through her, and she swung a leg over, straddling him. It was the first time since she'd woken up that she'd properly faced him. The way his eyes lit up told her everything.

"Thank you." Chloe cupped his face in her hands. "And you are nothing like him. To be honest, you look nothing alike."

"I think some people would beg to differ."

"Well, I'm not one of them." She reached for one of his hands, turning it over in her palm. Grazing her fingers over his tips, she continued. "He has calluses all over, while you only have them here. They're gentle hands. Musician's hands, not the ones of a warrior. You always reach for things. He grabs them."

Lucifer swallowed against the lump in his throat but remained quiet to listen to her.

She leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips, just a brush of their mouths, like she must have done a thousand times by now. And still she felt his breath hitch.

"You always put so much care into your kisses, even now. Instead of taking what you need, you always try to please. Making sure I'm okay." She chuckled. "And sometimes you still get that stunned expression."

He leaned his forehead against hers. "How could I not be?"

She cupped his face again. "But the real giveaway lies in your eyes. However much effort you put into concealing your emotions, I can always see them dancing there. Maybe not always readable, but still present. His are dead, flat, a mockery of yours. The only time they light up is when someone is suffering. But not you. Never you. "

She brushed a stray strand of hair from his face. "You're so much closer to a saint than he'll ever be."

Chloe captured his mouth again, this time longer, pouring all her emotion into it. She felt him sigh as he wrapped his arms around her.

Lucifer pulled away first, out of breath, genuinely smiling. "And here I was, thinking it impossible to love you any more than I already do."

An identical smile graced her features. "Always defying the odds."

"Only for you." He let himself sink slowly backwards, until his back hit the ground. He lay flat with her on his chest, hugging her close. The night sky spread out wide above them, the stars faintly twinkling in the deep blue expanse.

Wide open. No walls or fences around her. No other people in sight. But she found that the lingering panic had vanished, the irrational part of her mind now quiet.

"I just hope a beetle doesn't crawl into my hair," Lucifer murmured after a while.

Chloe patted his arm. "I'll protect you."

"Where would I be without you?"

"Beetle-infested, probably."

He laughed, the sound rumbling through his chest, Chloe moving along with it. Relief flooded through her. The nightmares plagued him from time to time as well, though he didn't always want to talk about it. He'd hold her close, and she'd know what he'd dreamed about.

At least he was feeling better, too. She must have scared him witless. Perhaps they should talk about cheerier subjects for the moment being.

Chloe snaked an arm over his middle, nuzzling her nose against his cheek. "I saw the whiteboard at the penthouse. You're not worrying too much, are you?"

"…No, I just want to be prepared for everything."

She chuckled. "You still have six months. We'll make it. Even with bubble wrapping the place and all.

Lucifer rolled his head to the side in order to kiss the tip of her nose. "I know. I just want to do something." He brushed a tender hand over the slight swell of her belly. "Right now you're doing all the hard work."

"Honey, it's a joint effort. Just being there for me is enough right now, trust me."

Lucifer gazed at the stars for a moment. "Would it be alright if I got started on the nursery within a couple of weeks? Nothing too complicated, just cleaning up and maybe start with priming the walls. I assume we're still going to use Maze's old bedroom for this?"

God, he really couldn't sit still, could he? Not that she was one to point it out. Earth was her home, the place where she lived and worked and spend time with her loved ones. But for him Hell was work, and Earth was the place where he could relax, spend time with his family. Of course he'd devote so much time to this.

"I'm not protesting, though that room is sort of where I drop all the stuff I don't use anymore." That was severely understating matters, but she wasn't going to discourage him now. "Cleaning it is going to take a while. Pretty sure there's still a knife or two in there as well."

"I'd be disappointed in Maze if there weren't any."

"Do you have any color in mind yet? Or a theme or something."

He lifted his head to scan the area, checking for any possible insects. "Do you want a gender-neutral color?"

Chloe frowned. "Aren't all colors gender-neutral?"

"Fair point. Any preferences? Things you hate with a blazing passion?"

"Not really. Just no yellow. I don't like as a color for a room for some reason."

Lucifer laid his head back down, assured that nothing was creeping up on him. "Nothing yellow then. Perhaps I can combine a couple? Make a soothing combination." He gestured in the air, picturing the room before him. "I'll definitely use pastels, no doubt about that. Although -"

Chloe lay there listening to his ideas, huge smile plastered on her face. It was adorable to see that this was where his energy went to when he wasn't working or plotting an elaborate prank. Making to-do lists was one of those things, if the scribbled whiteboards in the penthouse were anything to go by.

"Lucifer?" she interrupted his rambling.

"Yes, love?"

"Don't ever change your accent."