A Day Trip
"And I remember getting so mad it felt like I could hardly breathe. I said nasty things, and I can't even recall half of it. She just had a way of draining the blood from under my nails, you know? But she was my sister. My little sister."
The bearded man scrubbed a hand over his face, blowing out a long breath as he leaned back on the couch.
Lucifer nodded, writing it all down on his notepad. He crossed one leg over the other, then looked up at the man. "And how does that make you feel, Carl? What would you have done differently?"
"I'd take it back," Carl croaked. "I'd take it all back. Those were my last words to her before - before she…"
He rested his hands in his head, fingers digging in his scalp. "That driver shouldn't have been there, but if it hadn't been for me she'd never gotten into the car at all."
Lucifer tapped the paper with his pen. "We can only control ourselves, not our circumstances. It was not you who hit her."
Carl shook his head, clamping his lips together. "That's not-" He clenched his jaw, wiping his cheeks dry. "Can we stop for now? I don't - I don't want to do this anymore right now."
Lucifer flipped the pad shut, feeling like he'd hit a wall. "Very well. I get that his is difficult, guilt always is. But we are making progress."
I hope.
"You may go. Think on what we discussed for our next appointment."
The huge man was already on his feet and halfway to the door when he answered. "Yeah, sure." A glimpse of a demon waiting outside to escort him to his altered loop, then the door clicked shut.
Lucifer reached for his flask and took a large gulp of bourbon. He may not feel the soothing lull or sharp burn of the alcohol down here, but the thought behind it helped nevertheless.
Either my clients are getting more difficult to help, or I'm just a lousy shrink.
And he wasn't even a shrink, technically speaking.
Right now he just drew from his own personal experience to help people process their guilt. Which was, in fact, a limited experience, at least the part he needed as a therapist. He'd been alive for a long time, but the true personal development had only started about six years ago.
On top of that, acknowledging and recognizing all those feelings was one thing, but correctly channeling them in order to heal people was something else entirely.
I need a break.
Today he wasn't in the mood for a walk around the office, having held a meeting with the demons that morning on how to analyze people's hell loop. If they saw his face, he would be bombarded with dozens of questions, and he wasn't quite in the mood for that now.
Let them struggle on their own for a while. Failure was a great teacher, and what was the worst that could happen? They're all already dead, anyway.
And besides, the weather was always the same. Grey, overcast, ashes raining down from above and a hint of sulphur in the air. Lovely.
Instead he rose and walked to the desk, sitting down in the much more comfortable office chair. On occasion it still struck him as odd that he spent his days in an exact replica of the doctor's office, but he wouldn't know how else to decorate the space.
Anything familiar was always welcome in Hell, anything that sparked hope or joy in the bleakness of it all.
His gaze fell on the framed pictures on his desk. One was a group picture taken at Maze and Eve's wedding, everyone in formal attire, Trixie in front of everyone so they'd be able to see her.
He had to do a double take. Goodness, she really was growing up.
Another one was a photo of Ella and Dan dancing at Lux, laughing at something that was happening offscreen, Maze in the background coming to bring more drinks.
But it was the picture in the middle that never failed to bring a smile to his face.
Chloe stood on the beach, her dress billowing around her in the breeze. The sun brought out the lighter strands in her hair, turning it to gold. She'd turned towards him right before he took the photo, that radiant smile blooming on her lips.
Lucifer couldn't help his own smile. He missed her when he was down here, in his worst moments even so much so that it hurt.
But the knowledge that on his return to Earth only a couple of days would have passed for her eased his mind. He was terrified of missing out on things, even more so now, let alone after Rory was born.
When Hell was more organized he could hopefully go up more often, and for longer periods of time.
He cast a glance at the sketches he'd made for the nursery, trying out various compositions for the room. As much fun as he'd had making them, right now he didn't feel like it. The outlines he'd made were also rough estimates, since he hadn't emptied the room yet.
Reading it was, then.
Lucifer picked up the book he'd brought with him, resuming where he'd left off.
The second trimester of your pregnancy lasts from week thirteen to twenty-eight. It's the middle phase of your pregnancy, when your bump starts to show.
All right. Check on the bump, however tiny it may be. Chloe was sixteen weeks along now, nothing out of the ordinary save her super strength.
During this trimester, your baby will grow quickly. Between the eighteenth and the twenty-second week you'll have an ultrasound so the doctor can see how the baby progresses, along with the possibility of determining the gender.
Well, they already knew the gender, and had made an appointment with the gynecologist. He looked at the examples of an ultrasound, and excitement fizzled inside him.
This would be the first time he'd see his daughter again, albeit a much tinier version. Their Rory. He wondered what she looked like when she wasn't an adult.
In this phase of your pregnancy, you may experience changes in your body.
That was severely understating matters, even with his limited knowledge.
You may notice some cramps or aches in your lower abdomen. These happen because as your uterus expands, it puts pressure on nearby muscles and ligaments. The cramps can be felt as a dull ache, but also as a sharp stabbing pain.
That didn't sound pleasant. And she was doing this for the second time.
To relieve these, try a warm bath, relaxation exercises or pressing a hot water bottle to your lower belly.
Lucifer jotted down his notes. He could do that. Didn't sound so much different from soothing her period cramps.
Backaches are inevitable during this period. The weight you've gained puts pressure on your back. To ease this, sit up straight and use a chair with good back support. Sleep on your side with a pillow tucked between your legs and avoid lifting heavy objects.
Did she have enough pillows at home? Were those sufficient for this? He'd have to get her a couple more, plus a few spares in case she accidentally ripped it apart.
If the pain is really bad, ask your partner to rub the sore spots.
Ah ha! He could make himself useful yet.
The muscles in your uterus may tighten for a minute or so, but these aren't real contractions. This symptom is called Braxton-Higgs contractions. They can come and go at random, but may be triggered by intense exercise, a full bladder, dehydration or sex.
The latter was certainly something to keep in mind. The last things he wanted was to hurt her, but up till now she hadn't complained of any ache or discomfort. The contrary, really. Certainly she'd tell him, right?
And what had his father been thinking when he created humans this way?
Before he could read any further, the alarm on his phone went off, signaling the end of his break. The only bloody thing it was useful for, because there was no reception in Hell.
Lucifer put the book down with a sigh and adjusted his cufflinks. He dared to cast a glance at the list with the names of his next clients.
Only two hundred and thirty-seven to go before he could go home again.
But looking at Chloe's picture he found his spirits lifted. He could almost hear her voice, the same she used to coax him into helping her with paperwork.
Come on, you. Grab a drink and get going. The start is always the hardest. Once you get going, you're good.
A knock sounded on the door, and Lucifer straightened. He hoped he could be of more help to this person. But in the end, there's nothing like learning on the job, right?
"Come in."
Lucifer put his bags down in order to pat himself for his keys. He'd timed his arrival perfectly, landing at five o'clock on the dot.
After speeding through the stores with a thousand other people coming from work, he'd opted to fly instead of braving the Los Angeles traffic jams and losing precious time.
Luckily, it got dark early in November so it was difficult to spot him.
He turned the key in the lock, the air much warmer inside. "Honey, I'm home!" The fact that he was able to say those words made him insanely happy.
Home.
"I'm in here!"
Walking past the counter, he dropped the bags and quickened his steps, eager for the sight of her.
Chloe sat on the couch with her back to him, hair thrown in a messy bun, hunched over a stack of paperwork.
Before he could say anything to his partner, a blur crashed into his side, clamping onto him. "Lucifer!"
Hello, Trixie," he wheezed, returning the embrace. Those combat exercises with Maze had definitely been paying off. "Do you get taller every time I'm not looking?"
The girl stepped back, looking herself up and down. "Uh, I'm wearing slippers right now. Maybe that gives me an extra inch or two?"
"Mmm, that must be it then."
"Or she's secretly eating magic beans or something." Chloe had an arm on the back of the couch, watching them with an amused expression. "I can't keep track of it anymore."
"Has Mazikeen been feeding you something behind our backs?"
Trixie shook her head. "I'm just growing. Makes me sore, though."
"You and me both," Chloe muttered, rubbing her back.
Just the sight of her, even a little grumpy, made Hell seem like a distant memory. Lucifer hugged Trixie for a couple more seconds, then swiftly crossed the distance to her.
He leaned down towards her over the backrest, brushing a strand of hair from her brow. "Hello, love."
"Hi," she beamed, any discomfort momentarily forgotten. She ran an ink-flecked hand over the stubble on his jaw. "I missed you."
"I missed. You too," he replied in between kisses, feeling her smile against his lips. Heaven truly was a place on Earth.
"Gross, you guys," Trixie said where she'd sat down at the coffee table to resume her homework.
They both chuckled but kept their voices down to avoid disturbing her too much. Lucifer sat down next to her, careful not to knock over a heap of papers. He slid an arm around her middle, feeling the tiny bump beneath her LAPD sweatshirt.
"How's the Antichrist doing?"
Chloe leaned against him, flexing her fingers after all the writing. "The Antichrist is fine. Not making me too nauseated anymore, so that's a win."
"And how's her mother doing?"
"Sore, tired, behind on work." She laid her hand on his knee, giving it a squeeze. "But in good company."
"I-"
A rattle sounded, and Trixie bolted upright after dropping her pen. Hurt flashed across her features, along with sorrow. "I, uh, I'm gonna take a shower."
And before any of them had the chance to reply, she was already up the stairs.
"Is she alright?" Lucifer asked. She'd been so happy to see him a few minutes ago. He didn't understand where the sudden shift in mood had come from. Had he said something wrong?
Chloe craned her neck to catch a glimpse of her, but she was already gone. "I don't know. It's been a difficult week, but I thought she was finally doing better today. "
"Did she have a couple of bad days again?"
She nodded, pressing her lips into a thin line. "Tuesday was the worst one. Trixie cried all evening, and there was nothing I did that could soothe her. Next morning she woke up so sick she couldn't go to school. Good thing my mom was able to come over last minute to look after her."
She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sometimes I just don't know what to do."
Lucifer put his hand atop hers on his knee. "You're doing everything you can. Is that child psychologist she's seeing helping her a bit?"
"Yeah, they're making progress, but things like that don't go away in a few months. They never go away completely," she added quietly, staring ahead.
It made perfect sense Trixie was still upset occasionally. Her father had been murdered mere months ago, what did you expect? Trauma like that, and at such a young age, scars someone for life.
But somehow he had the feeling that were more factors at play he did not yet know about.
Lucifer dropped a kiss to her temple. Her hair smelled nice, like coconut. "Would it make her feel better if we all went on a day trip sometime? Going away for a while can't hurt, I think."
Chloe chewed on a nail. "Maybe that's not such a bad idea. The neighborhood's often too full of memories for her, I think. This house, too." She turned in her seat to look into the kitchen. "What did you bring, by the way?"
"Oh, I, uh, got you some extra pillows. I read that in this trimester you can get a lot of back aches, and that the right pillow can do wonders. Now you don't have to use the ones from the couch anymore."
He'd gotten a couple since they had these things in all possible shapes and sizes, but the larger ones were for when she was further along. Better too many than the wrong one.
She chuckled, patting his arm. "Thank you, I'm sure I can already use one tonight. Half-angel or not, all the uncomfortable stuff is still there."
"I also got you an extra-large bag of nacho cheese Doritos."
At that, Chloe surged forward and covered him in kisses, forehead, cheeks, nose. "You know that I love you, right?"
He smiled at her affectionate onslaught, heart still skipping a beat at the words. "I certainly do now."
Something in him eased when he saw her face was a bit fuller, the gauntness of the past months fading. He knew it was mostly due to the pregnancy, but she'd lost a lot of weight since Daniel's death. When he'd held her at night he was often afraid she'd break in his arms. At one point he'd been able to count her ribs.
She cast a look at the pile of paperwork, then tossed her pen on top of it. "I've had enough of this for now. Are you hungry? We're having mac 'n cheese tonight. Just something quick and good."
Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "That's what you used to call our morning activities."
She rolled her eyes, but he didn't miss the way her lips quirked. She slapped his knee and got up. "Come on. It's not going to make itself."
He followed on her heels, but they both lingered at the foot of the staircase. Beatrice had been doing so well this month, having started on the track team and organizing game nights, but one of the things he'd learned as a new therapist was that there never is a definite pattern to grief.
And still he couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something else was off as well.
"The day trip will help her," Chloe said after a while, though he didn't know if it was directed at him or if she was talking to herself.
"It'll be good. For all of us." He grazed a hand over her back. "Some family time."
She sighed, leaning into his touch. "I hope you're right."
Before he could reply, his stomach made a whale call, grumbling loudly. Definitely back on Earth.
Down below he didn't feel things like hunger or fatigue, with it being the land of the dead and all that. But that made them hit all the harder once he flew back up here.
Chloe laughed and inclined her head towards the kitchen. "Come on, you. Let's make some dinner."
She padded to the counter on those adorable fuzzy socks, fishing the chips out of the bag. Pulling it open, she propped a couple in her mouth before putting it next to the stove. "What? It's just a snack during cooking."
Increased appetite, check.
Lucifer took a cooking pot from one of the drawers. "I didn't say anything." He filled it with water as she rooted in the fridge for the cheese and milk.
Chloe bumped her head and cursed loudly, feeling free to do so now Trixie was out of earshot. Still, it was a mark that she was stressed. She stood next to him, grating the cheese and holding out a chip to him with the other hand.
He accepted it and placed a careful kiss on the spot she'd bumped, right above her hair line. Then he put the pot on the stove and regulated the heat.
Creaking sounded, like metal bending, and the grate Chloe had been holding was crumpled like a piece of paper.
She put it down with a sigh. "I could really use a glass of wine right now."
Perhaps a day off for everyone wasn't such a bad idea after all.
Lucifer didn't remember why he'd agreed to do this. For Chloe and Trixie, yes, but of all the things on God's green Earth? There was his comfort zone (quite large, if he said so himself), the outer ring, the outer ring of that outer ring, and then there was this.
Disneyland.
He shuddered and closed the door of Chloe's car. His partner was rummaging in the trunk, getting all their supplies for the day.
"Are you sure you don't want your coat?" she asked, shrugging her own red raincoat on. "Pretty sure it won't stay dry today."
Lucifer looked up. The sky was overcast, a dull, slate grey with rolling clouds. The wind was a nagging, chill breeze. Of course today had to be one of the rare days in California with bad weather.
"I'll take my chances."
The weather did not seem to be bothering Trixie at all. The girl was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, bundled up in her pink parka. "Can we go now?"
Chloe closed the trunk with exaggerated slowness, not wanting to wreck the car. "Yep. Let's get going."
"Hang on." Lucifer stopped her with an outstretched arm. "Give me that. You're already sore."
She looked like she was about to protest, then swung the backpack from her shoulder and handed it to him. "Thanks."
"Are you sure you're going to be okay? It's a long day."
She leveled a stare at him. "Honey, I'm pregnant, not terminally ill. I'll manage. Besides, it's not that she's big enough to be in the way yet."
That was true. Under the loose raincoat, her bump wasn't even visible. Right now it was only visible when she wore a tight shirt.
He swung the backpack over a shoulder. "I know. I just want you to have a good time." Which still baffled him how it was possible to have fun in a place like this.
"Come on, you guys! " Trixie called.
Chloe inclined her head. "Let's go. Or are you trying to stall?"
He huffed. "That's preposterous."
They started making their way over the larger-than-life parking towards the entrance, and cheery music floated out to greet them.
"Monkey, don't go too far ahead!" But her tone was far from stern, relieved at seeing her daughter so excited.
How bad had her week been? He'd witnessed some of her heartbreaking meltdowns, when she'd begged him to bring Daniel back. And he had to deny her each time, because it wasn't possible.
On several occasions he'd been the one to comfort her after a nightmare, the girl clinging to him like a rock during a storm. They'd both remained silent. Sometimes there were no words to be said. He'd held her until her tears stopped coming and her breathing deepened, and she'd fallen asleep at last
Despite the bad weather, they were far from alone. They soon ended up in the throng of people all heading towards the security checks and ticket office. Halloween decorations were still strung up all over the place, even though it was already November. A remix of 'This Is Halloween' played in the background (Miss Lopez had insisted on watching it with him this year.)
Thirty long minutes, two questions from stranger asking if he was from management - according to Chloe it was the suit - and a budding headache later, they finally stood in the park in front a red brick building called the Disneyland Railroad.
And then it started to rain.
Umbrellas opened all around them like flowers blooming in a field, people pulling up hoods and zipping up coats. They took shelter beneath the Railroad with a dozen other people, the walls lined with cheery advertisements.
"Maybe it'll blow over in a couple of minutes," Lucifer said.
It started properly pouring.
Chloe craned her neck to see into Main Street over all the heads, then perked up when she spotted something. "Wait here." And she dashed off into the crowd.
Trixie had pulled out her phone and was furiously scrolling.
"What are you doing?"
"Checking the waiting time on the rides. Space Mountain's only forty minutes, and the Bobsleds are thirty. You should get the app. Much easier, you know?"
At least she's not bothered about the rain. He turned around and scanned a code in order to download it. If only he could change the weather.
Lucifer perked up. But he knew someone who could.
He fired off a quick text to Amenadiel. Weather sucks in Disneyland, please do something about it.
Trixie felt fine now, but as the day went on she'd probably get cold, right? The last thing she needed was catching pneumonia.
Make it quick, he added. It's for a good cause.
"There you go." Chloe held out what looked like a white garbage bag to him.
"Thank you, love." Lucifer accepted it, turning it over in his hands. "What is it, exactly?"
"It's one of those ponchos," she clarified. "To keep you dry."
"Oh." The thing looked positively ghastly.
Chloe crossed her arms. "Is it not fashionable enough for you?"
He could not answer that question without lying or hurting her feelings. Damn his morals. Instead, he just held it out to her. "Can you help me put it on?"
By the amused glint in her eye, he knew she could tell exactly what he thought about it.
Ever the Detective.
She took it from him and folded it open, the plastic rustling. "Give me your head."
He obeyed and bended forward as she pulled it over him, clipping buttons under his arms to make sleeves. Pulling the hood over his head, she added with a smile, "There. All ready now."
Lucifer knew he looked ridiculous, but the thought of a soaked suit in November wasn't appealing. Besides, he knew she liked it when he wore mundane stuff like this.
"Can we go to the Buzz Lightyear Blasters first? The queue isn't long, and Tomorrowland's not far, it's just past Main Street!" Trixie piped up, ready to sprint all the way there if necessary.
"Fine by me," Chloe said. "Lead the way, but don't get too far ahead!"
The girl bounded ahead onto Main Street, the rain having lightened to a drizzle. The area smelled like vanilla and roasted meat, and for a moment he wondered if they simply sprayed the scents in the air since there wasn't a bakery in sight.
Disneyland and its dirty tricks.
But he had to admit that the 20th century architecture of the buildings had a certain charm. The colorful storefronts with their endless supply of merchandise or expensive donuts lured many inside, mostly children begging their parents for a toy.
But not Beatrice.
She plowed ahead through the mass, dodging people left and right, splashing in puddles without taking notice. Her eyes never strayed from the map she had open on her phone. He laughed inwardly. The girl truly had her mother's will. Once focused on something, she never let go.
Lucifer searched for Chloe's hand, lacing their fingers together. Her hands were cold and damp from the drizzle. He tugged the sleeve of the plastic poncho down, having length to spare, so that it covered both their hands.
She gave his hand a squeeze, then glanced sideways. "I'm happy you're here."
"I'm happy to be here with you, Red Riding Hood."
Chloe quirked an eyebrow. "Does that make you the Big Bad Wolf, then?"
A feline grin spread over his face. "Depends on what you want me to do tonight."
A delicious flush rushed over her cheeks, but she held his gaze, eyes dancing. "Is that a promise, Mr. Morningstar?"
"It is if you want it to be."
An excited cry from Trixie cut off her potential reply. They were now surrounded by a number of futuristic buildings, having crossed the main plaza near the castle. Tiny, green aliens with three eyes waved at him from behind a store window. The sign above him read 'Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters' in big letters, the panel indicating a waiting time of fifteen minutes.
What was waiting for him in there?
Trixie looked at her mother with big, pleading eyes. Chloe nodded. "Go on. We're right behind you." The girl all but shot towards the line, the both of them having trouble catching up.
Chloe chuckled. "It's like she downed three cups of coffee back to back."
Lucifer let her go first, then followed suit. First attraction of the day, involving shooting and aliens, apparently. Was this really something suitable for children? Disney really was the stuff of nightmares.
Trixie was waving for him to keep up, having almost reached the entrance. He sighed. There was only one way to find out.
Two rides later, and he was luckily still alive, albeit a bit dizzy.
Chloe had wiped the floor with both of them in the Astro Blasters, earning nearly three hundred and seventy thousand points by blasting weird aliens with a laser. Trixie had held her ground with eight thousand points, and he'd managed to scrape together a measly total of four hundred and ten points.
Needless to say, shooting was not his forte. It would be a long time before he'd hear the end of that one, his partner unable to hide her glee at the fact that was a lousy shot.
After that, they'd gone into something called Star Touring or Tours? He' d asked Miss Lopez if it was related to that show she so dearly loved, and had received a stern scolding over Messenger about the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars (and still he couldn't keep the two apart).
The ride had been interesting, though. It simulated a flight over various planets in outer space, Chloe squeezing his hand at the sensation of the drops. Fingerprints were dug deeply into the armrest on her other side, but thankfully no one had noticed. Bus rides in space. Human ingenuity truly never failed to baffle him.
They were all huddled right outside the exit, the rain still not having relented. He checked his phone. The messages to Amenadiel were still unread. There was no reception in Heaven, but he knew his brother descended twice a day to pick up or drop his son off at the Doctor's.
And that's supposed to be omnipotent.
Chloe pulled the hood of her raincoat up. "Alright. Where to next?"
"Mom, do we have snacks with us?"
"Uh, yeah." She turned to him. "Can you turn around for me please, honey?"
He obliged, and she lifted his damp poncho so she could zip the backpack open. "Do you want candy or a sandwich already?"
"Candy."
Chloe produced a pack of sour Gummi bears and tore it open, holding it out to her daughter.
Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "I thought you couldn't picknick outside the designated zones?"
She popped one into her mouth, mirroring his expression. "When did you, the Devil himself, become such a stickler for rules?"
"I am not, just wondering since when you started smuggling candy."
"Since these are way too expensive in the park. Pretty sure it's nearly ten bucks or something."
He made a humming sound. "Where would I be without your morals?"
Chloe held out the bag to him. "Hungry."
Lucifer grabbed a handful, then pecked her on the cheek. "Thanks, love."
"Can we go to 'It's A Small World' now?" Trixie asked, having swallowed the candy with astonishing speed.
It took a moment for the name to register, then he shot up. "That's not a place for children! For anyone really." He shuddered. "Most dreadful, that is."
Chloe and Trixie stared at him with the same level of confusion.
"Lucifer, it's just a boat ride. Nothing happens," Trixie offered, looking at him like he'd just sprouted a second head.
"If Hell had a national anthem, that would be it. Do you have any idea how many people they used to torture with that? It's not safe!"
Chloe put a hand on his arm. "Hey, it's fine. We've both been on the ride multiple times before. Nothing bad ever happened. Trust me."
He hesitated. Well, if they'd both been there before, Daniel included, and hadn't lost their sanity or had trauma resurfacing at the name... It could still have effects on them that were only noticeable much later.
But looking into those familiar baby blue eyes, his resolve lessened.
"Fine. But I won't let you out of my sight."
Trixie perked up. "Great. Let's go!" And bounded off into the rain.
Chloe tugged the hood of that ridiculous poncho up as they stepped out from under the roof, then slid his hand in hers.
People with Mickey ears filed past, clutching cups of coffee and sticky pastry. There was a long queue along the walkway, and as they got closer he saw it was to take a picture with Minnie Mouse. The character was shielded from the weather by staff carrying umbrellas.
"Do people really wait that long in the rain to take a picture with someone in costume?"
Chloe laughed softly beside him. "When she was just six years old, Trix waited forty minutes in line just to see Minnie. But she didn't dare to go alone, so Dan went with her. It was mid-June, a hot day. So when they finally got the picture, Trixie was nearly bursting with joy, but Dan was so red from the heat he looked like he was about to catch fire. " Her laughter faded, and a familiar grief settled beside her nostalgia, and she fell silent.
Trixie's brisk pace faltered as she spotted the mouse, and something flashed over her face. It vanished so quickly he thought he'd imagined it, and she trodded on even faster towards their next ride.
They made their way through the park in comfortable silence, the sound of the rain thrumming softly on their coats. After a while, the colorful facade of a literal hellscape came into view. Tall houses and buildings and a giant ticking clock.
And the tune of the music in the waiting line was all too familiar.
We used to torture people with this in Hell, and they just decide to use it in a theme park? And they say demons are bad.
Chloe gave his hand a squeeze before they entered the queue, the line thankfully moving continually.
They both took their hoods off, shaking off the rain under the shelter of the roof. They kept moving along, but there were a lot of people in front of them. Unease prickled inside him.
If she said it was fine, it was fine. He trusted her blindly. But the reputation of this... thing was notorious, to say the least. In order to distract himself, he looked around to see the various kinds of people that were present.
Lovebirds that probably either just got engaged or married. A group of vloggers juggling smartphones and cameras for the best angle. Friends who recently graduated college and want to have a blast before starting to work. Loads of couples with children, very brave.
It struck him then, like a lightning strike in a clear sky. They were also a couple with children. Well, one and a half to be precise.
We're a couple with children.
Beatrice wasn't his, even though in terms of coloring they looked more alike than in relation to one of her actual parents. A trickle of dread slithered down his spine.
What if she'd been acting so strange because she thought he was trying to replace Daniel?
Even the thought alone filled him with resentment and loathing. He'd never dream of doing so, both out of respect for her and his friend. But she probably didn't know that, did she? How could he reassure her that replacing him wasn't his intention? He should say something, but how to phrase it correctly?
But it seems that now wasn't the time. A man in a Disney uniform was ushering them into a large boat, and Lucifer stepped in first despite his nerves. He held out a hand. "Trixie, you first."
The girl frowned but took it nevertheless, plopping down in her seat without much care, chewing on a Gummi bear she'd stashed in her pocket.
"Now you, honey."
Chloe took his hand, eyes twinkling at his concern. She patted his arm before settling down with a sigh. "Thanks."
Lucifer sat down himself, Trixie in between him and Chloe. If anything happened, he could jump up and cover them both, by any means necessary.
Chloe had an arm around Trixie, holding her daughter close. She seemed relaxed, happy even, to be able to spend time with her. They were talking about their favorite countries in the ride. What did countries have to do with this? Was it some sort of war simulation? Granted, it wouldn't be the weirdest thing he'd ever encountered. The last year had been hectic for all of them, to say the least.
Then they started moving, and the people in the boat let out a cheer as they rounded a corner and entered through the gates.
"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears. It's a world of hope, a world of fears."
The song hit him all at once, harassing his eardrums. And then there were dolls dancing and singing all around him, dressed up in the livery of a specific region or country.
This was not what he'd been expecting.
Trixie pointed at various things, making his partner laugh, which in turn caused her to indicate certain silly animals on mountain tops.
"There's so much that we share that it's time we're aware. It's a small world after all."
The landscape faded into the background, and instead he decided to focus on the two of them, cracking stupid jokes and doing poor animal impressions that had them clutching their midriff from wheezing.
It was these sort of things that he missed most when he was down below. In the end, it didn't boil down to big moments.
No, it were the little things that stayed with you.
Like watching the love of his life trying to imitate a reindeer in a way that alarmed the people on the row behind him. He didn't know exactly what the animal sounded like, but it was certainly not that.
After a while he found himself laughing along with them, and before he knew it, they were outside once more. The subtle but annoying background music of the theme park was a massive improvement to that miserable song.
No wonder Mazikeen liked to use it during her interrogations.
They all got up to exit the boat when he heard a voice behind him. "Is your wife alright, sir?"
Lucifer turned around to find a man in his fifties regarding the three of them with concern. He glanced at Chloe, who was still laughing along with Trixie, wiping the tears from her eyes.
He smiled. "She's excellent, thank you."
The man hesitated, then bobbed his head before moving along.
Trixie creased her brows. "I thought you two weren't married yet?"
Yet.
The child certainly hadn't stopped her poking about it ever since Eve's wedding. But he'd slipped again. He didn't even bother to correct people anymore. Sometimes he almost referred to her himself like that before catching himself last-minute.
Lucifer met Chloe's gaze, an identical smile on her lips. "No, we're not."
Yet?
The child shook her head before getting off the boat. "You two are always so weird."
He stepped off first so he could lend Chloe a hand.
"And I thought chivalry was dead."
The sky was still a rolling mass of grey clouds, but the rain had stopped.
Finally. You'd think God himself would react a little quicker.
Chloe nudged his hand, dropping some more candy in it while she was chewing her own. She often had the munchies these days.
"Thank you."
"Mom, can we go together in the Bobsleds? Like we always do?" Trixie asked, already seeking the next thrill. Where she got her boundless energy from was beyond him.
Chloe's face fell. "Oh, monkey, I can't ride that, with Rory and all. It could hurt her if I crash into the railing or fall back too hard against the rest."
The girl pressed her lips together, looking at her feet. "Okay, I see." There it was again, the same expression she'd had the other night before storming off.
"I can go," Lucifer offered in a burst of generosity. The worst was behind him now, right? He cast a glance at the fake mountain looming in the distance.
But I'm probably still going to regret this.
She perked up. "Really?"
"I'm a devil of my word, aren't I?" And now there was no going back anymore.
"Great!" Chloe said, relieved at the turn of the situation. "I'm going to find a place inside to sit down for a while." She rubbed her arms. "And warm up a bit."
She gestured towards him. "Give me the backpack, I'll take it with me."
He obliged and quickly leaned in to peck a kiss to her lips. She tasted like lemon drops and sour apple. "Text me where you are."
Chloe hummed. "I will. Now go! Or the line will be too long."
Trixie had grabbed a fistful of the plastic poncho and used it to tug him into motion. "Let's go!"
He cast a last glance at Chloe, who waved them off with an amused expression. Together, they hurried over the central plaza towards the line, dodging people left and right.
The closer they got, the bigger the Matterhorn seemed as it loomed over them. Apparently, it was some sort of roller-coaster, but with sleds? A sled coaster? He honestly did not know what to expect.
They quickly shuffled in line, and silence fell between them. Over the years, he'd gotten more comfortable in Trixie's presence, going from a rare visit to game night to him picking her up from school and helping her with her homework to comforting her when she had nightmares.
Perhaps he was just better with older children?
He'd never be a natural, not like Chloe was. But all his experience and tactics were hard won, arising often from cringe-worthy encounters he'd rather not think too much about. So what if they were tailored to the needs of one child in particular? Right now that was all that mattered. He'd try until he got it right.
"Trixie, are you feeling all right?"
The girl shrugged, moving forward in the line, her bubble gum pink parka making her stand out. "I'm in Disneyland, why wouldn't I be fine?"
He followed her, closing the distance between them. "You seem a bit off. Your mother said you'd had a... difficult week."
Trixie caught his eye for a moment, then turned away. "Yeah, I guess it was. But it's over now."
Lucifer drummed his fingers on the railing. She didn't want to talk about it, but the fact that she was shutting herself off more often from the rest of the world wasn't good.
Chloe had noticed it, too, but didn't always have the time or space to react. Neither did he, for the matter. But now she couldn't run. This was an opportunity to press forward in the hopes of discovering the gravity of the situation.
"Does being here bring back memories for you? Should we have gone somewhere else today?"
The girl shook her head, plucking an invisible piece of lint from her coat. "I know I came here with dad, but that was long ago. I don't remember much about it. Just that it was really hot, even for California."
Lucifer considered her answer. She didn't appear to be lying (even though she was quite apt at it if she wished), but he had the feeling she wasn't telling him everything. Half-truths. One of his specialties.
"Is everything alright at school?" He straightened. "Is some petty loser bullying you? Do I have to bring Maze along?"
From the way she frowned he could instantly tell he was going in the wrong direction. Well, sometimes the dead were easier to work with.
"No, school's fine. At least now I have something to distract me. I didn't have that this summer."
Right. Maybe he should just stop guessing altogether and ask her?
"I can tell something's bothering you, and I'm worried. Would you like to tell me?"
That one was straight out of one of the Doctor's books, and the worry about the words sounding too mechanical was countered by his being pleased at even being able to remotely remember it. The phrasing did not sound like him at all, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing at the moment.
Trixie was quiet for so long he thought she hadn't heard him. They were almost at the entrance gates to the carts when she finally spoke.
"I-" She hid her hands inside her sleeves, not meeting his eye. "Just don't forget about me."
Lucifer frowned. Forget about her? What did she mean by that?
"Forget you? You mean when I'm down in Hell?"
Trixie shook her head, her lower lip jutting out. Frustrated that she had to spit it out for him. Then words tumbled out as if she resented speaking them. "No. Please don't forget about me when Rory's born."
Oh, Beatrice.
"Is this what's been bothering you? Why you dashed upstairs this week when I was talking to your mother?"
Trixie looked at her feet and nodded, tears starting to slide down her cheeks.
Lucifer lifted his arm, heart aching at seeing her distress, her fear. How on Earth could she think something like that? "Come here."
She shot forward, wrapping her tiny arms around him and burying her face in the plastic of his poncho. The people around them gave the two of them weird looks, but he ignored them.
"I won't forget about you, Trixie. Ever. In Hell, Heaven or on Earth."
He settled his arms around her, the girl's small frame shaking with her sobs. How long had she been walking around with this? Why hadn't he noticed before? He'd been making this all about himself when he should have just looked at it from her perspective
"I'm not your father, and I would never dream of replacing him. I hope you know that."
Please do. Because I'm not quite able to properly phrase the 'why' and 'how' of it yet. I just know.
"But I do care about you. Very much, more than I ever thought I could about a child. I would never forget you. I always think about you when I'm at work."
"Even about game night?" she asked, sounding muffled.
"Especially about game night."
She drew back, still sniffling. "I know you're busy, and that mom's busy, and that a baby is a lot of work." She looked up at him, her eyes red and swollen from crying. Her voice shook when she spoke. "But will you please promise me? That you won't forget? I know you always keep your promises."
He crouched down so he was eye to eye with. Putting his hands on her arms, he said, "I promise, Beatrice, that I won't ever forget about you. Not in this life, or the next." Now his voice broke. He should say these things more often. Much sooner.
"Don't ever underestimate how much you mean to me. I would tear the world apart for you. I love you as much as I love Rory."
Maybe I'm not your father and you're not my daughter, but I think we come closer to them than we sometimes realize.
The girl blinked in surprise. He'd never said those words to her before. Not explicitly. Then she threw her arms around his neck in a bear hug that nearly sent him to the floor.
He returned the embrace, feeling that some slumbering bond between the two of them had awakened again. He'd barely seen her over the course of the summer.
And while years ago his limited knowledge (or interest) in children had made him keep his distance from them, it was what drove him now to actively seek it out. A handful of children in particular - well, two, Charlie and Trixie - but still. The last year and a half had been such utter madness that he'd neglected some of them.
And one of the harsh lessons he'd learned was that everything could change in the blink of an eye, for better or for worse. So as terrifying for him as these things could be, he would no longer put them off.
The elderly woman behind them cleared her throat, and he was aware they'd been seriously holding up the line. Still no sensible reason to disrupt the moment. Lucifer gave her a glare before moving along. They traversed a good amount of space, and before he knew it they stood before a closed gate.
A weird sled like thing awaited them on the rails. The moment the gate opened, Trixie sprinted forward and practically jumped into the cart. "Come on, it'll be fun!"
Lucifer sighed and followed her. Guess he had to take her for her word, didn't he?
It was not fun.
At least for him. Trixie had laughed and whooped as they shot down the side of the mountain and into the tunnels, throwing her hands in the air at every twist and turn.
He'd just desperately tried to keep his lunch down each time the cart dropped. So far he'd succeeded, but he didn't know for how long that would last.
They both stepped inside the Jolly Holiday Cafe, the warm air a welcome reprieve from the autumn chill outside. The scent of chips and pastry made his already upset stomach lurch.
He quickly spotted a familiar golden head, and settled himself down with a grunt on the chair next to her.
Chloe set down a half of her grilled cheese and brushed the crumbs from her hands. Of course she'd chosen that to eat. "Hey, how was the ride?"
He leaned back in the chair, glad to be sitting. Maybe then the world would stop spinning. "I just need a minute."
Trixie slid into the seat opposite him, beaming, cheeks red from the cold outside.
"Did you have fun, monkey?"
She bobbed her head. "Yeah! It was great! But Lucifer screamed when he saw the Yeti."
"It was a yelp of surprise."
"Didn't know the Devil was afraid of Yeti's," Chloe teased, resting her forearms on the table.
"Yelp. Of. Surprise," he muttered, but couldn't hide the way his lips quirked. He would not hear the end of this anytime soon.
The girl eyed Chloe's food with large eyes. "Are you hungry, Trix? Why don't you go look at the menu cart?"
"Can I have anything I want?"
His partner sighed. "As long as you finish it, yes."
"OK!" Trixie bolted out of her chair, nearly crashing into the table next to them.
"I don't know where she gets her energy from," Chloe mused, taking another bite from her sandwich. "Are you sure you don't want anything? I can go get something for you so you don't have to get up."
Lucifer patted her hand. "Thanks, love, but I'm good for now."
"Alright." She looked to where Trixie was intensely studying the menu card, mumbling to herself under breath as she weighed her options. "You know, she looks a lot better than she did this morning. Or the entire week, for that matter."
"She told me what's been bothering her."
Chloe straightened. "She did? How? What's wrong?"
With the help of T. J Eichmann's manual on psychology. "I asked her when we were in the queue for the bobsleds. She's afraid we won't have enough time for her anymore once Rory's born."
He saw the pain and confusion he'd felt at Trixie's answer reflected in Chloe's eyes. "But that's not- I would never..." she trailed off, seeming at a loss for words. "She's my monkey."
"I know, I know. But Chloe, not all fears are rational, as the doctor always told me. I reassured her as best I could, but you should probably talk to her as well."
Chloe was staring at Trixie, who was ordering her food. "Yeah, I should. I really should." He could almost see the guilt press down on her shoulders.
Lucifer brushed his knuckles across her cheek, causing her to meet his eye. She leaned into his touch.
"Hey, you are a fantastic mother. These things happen. It's a simple misunderstanding, it's not your fault. We've all been busy the past few months. " He caressed her cheek with his thumb. "Don't feel 'bat' about it."
That brought the beginnings of a smile to her face. She covered his hand with her own before pressing a soft kiss to his palm.
"Alright. I'll try not to feel 'bat' about it."
They remained like that for a few more seconds, not caring if anyone was watching, before Chloe ducked under the table to retrieve a plastic Disney bag.
"Speaking of which, I'm pretty sure your shopping craze has rubbed off on me. I couldn't resist buying this."
She took something from the bag, and when she folded it open he saw it was a baby onesie with 'Sleeping Beauty' written on it in pink, curling letters.
"Get it? Because she's Aurora, like the-"
"- princess." He smiled. "It's perfect."
She hummed, laying the garment across her lap as she rooted in the bag again. From it she produced two large chocolate bars with Mickey Mouse on it, one milk and one white chocolate. "Couldn't leave these when I saw them. I had to take them along with me."
Chloe carefully folded the onesie again and returned it to the bag, then put the chocolate in the pocket over her coat hanging over her chair.
Not a second later, Trixie put her tray on the table and shrugged her pink parka off. She'd gone with fries and chicken nuggets in the end.
A classic.
A comfortable silence fell, Chloe and Trixie eating while he enjoyed a moment's reprieve from everything spinning and swinging. Being vulnerable around your loved ones was splendid, but it did come with a few downsides.
"Hey, I got you something," Chloe started once they'd both finished, fishing the chocolate bars from her coat pocket.
Trixie perked up. "Oh, thanks!"
She handed them over to her daughter. "You know I always think about you, right? Because you're always on my mind, Trix. No matter what. "The weight in her words was unmistakable, not wanting to have this conversation here but still wishing to reassure her.
The girl froze for a second before taking the bars from her. She smiled, looking at the mouse waving up at her from the wrapper. "I know, mom. It's okay. I know you do."
The last of the tension Trixie had in her had dissolved. It was late afternoon already, almost evening, and they'd mostly chosen the more relaxed rides so Chloe could join them.
Pirates of the Caribbean was delightful, he could say it was one of his favorites so far. He could always sympathize with a little bit of lawlessness. But only a little these days. His partner was still a police lieutenant, and he wouldn't endanger her position.
Alice in Wonderland was... unsettling. He couldn't say why precisely, just that most of the characters unnerved him. Especially those cards. Cards weren't supposed to have arms. Or legs. Imagine how much more difficult gambling would be. The horror.
He should have known something was off when Chloe waited outside while they went on Thunder Mountain, their last ride of the day. But his mood had considerably lifted now he knew what had been bothering Trixie. Seeing Chloe happy had improved his day even further.
So he'd gone along with the girl, and it wasn't until the bars had locked in place against them that he'd started to have some doubts.
Surely this couldn't be as wild as those damn sleds?
The train departed, and as the cart crawled up the rails in the dark he started to regret the popcorn he'd shared with Chloe.
I should have learned my lesson the first time.
He gripped the safety bar as the cart dipped down, trying to focus on one point on the horizon. Trixie cheered beside him, clearly having the time of her life. "Woo-hoo!"
After a few sharp turns they started to slow down, and he relaxed.
That wasn't so bad. Glad it was over quickly.
But then he saw that they were rising again, this time higher. They almost reached above the great red rock formations strewn about.
"Oh, dear," he muttered. He peered over the side of the cart, then quickly realized his mistake. He swallowed. "Why do these things have to be so high?"
"You fly like, all the time. Pretty sure that's much higher than this." Trixie looked happy, no, relaxed. How could she be relaxed in something like this?
"The difference is that I'm in charge then, not strapped to some mechanical contraption that can malfunction any given moment. Not to mention those dreadful turns where I-"
The tail end of his sentence was lost in a shout as the train dove down, then swooped into a turn that sent his organs scrambling. He braced himself in his seat on all sides, trying to limit his movements.
There was a reason he avoided theme parks. He should have remembered that reason.
By the time the cart stopped moving, Lucifer was surprised to find all his limbs still attached. He tried to stand up it felt like his legs might gave way beneath him. He climbed rather awkwardly out of the train, hands gripping each surface he could in order to cling to something solid.
And non-moving.
As they walked towards the exit, they passed a booth that sold pictures taken during the ride. He searched the row, scanning the pictures until he found theirs.
Trixie had her arms up in the air, laughing, her pink parka a blaze of color against the dark background.
His face, on the contrary, was white as a sheet, eyes spread wide in horror. He was mid-shout, clutching the railing like his life depended on it.
It was one of the most unelegant poses he'd been ever caught in on camera.
"I'll have two," he said to the clerk.
The walk back towards the parking seemed endless. How large was this park, exactly?
Chloe had looped her arm through his, holding the bags with their souvenirs in the other. He'd reached his other hand out to Trixie, feeling a bit awkward. Was she too old for this now? But he didn't want her to feel left out, either.
She'd taken his hand without hesitation, hers feeling so small in his.
They'd all let out a collective breath of relief when the concrete building of the parking appeared before them. Chloe had started to lean heavily on his arm, her back probably hurting from the long day. He had to get her a pillow and some ointment when they got home.
Chloe started making her way to the driver's seat, but he stopped her. "It's fine, I'll drive." She didn't protest, just nodded and handed him the keys.
Yes, she was that tired.
They all filed in the car, seating themselves with grunts and groans from sore muscles and painful feet. He had to put the driver's seat backwards a couple of inches, his partner's legs being a good deal shorter than his.
As he made his way from the parking and onto the highway, silence fell in the car. Looking into the rear-view mirror, he saw that Trixie had fallen asleep, the picture of them together in Thunder Mountain clutched in her hands.
Chloe was watching the street lanterns flash by, the light illuminating her features every now and then.
"Did you have nice day?" he asked in a hushed tone, remaining focused on traffic. Even at this hour there were still plenty of people about.
She rolled her head to his side and gave him a soft smile. She was exhausted, but a content happiness had settled in her. "I had a wonderful day. Thank you, for coming along. I know theme parks aren't really your thing."
Lucifer put his free hand on her knee. "Maybe not, but I enjoyed myself more than I thought I would." He looked in the rear-view mirror. "I'm mostly glad she had a nice day as well."
"Yeah." Chloe craned her head to see Trixie. "It's been a long time since I've seen her laugh so much in one day." She squeezed his hand. "I'm glad you were able to reassure her."
"So am I. And surprised. I honestly did not think it was going to work."
She snorted, shaking her head. "Stop giving yourself so little credit. You're better at this than you think."
He turned on his blinker and merged lanes, the tail lights of the cars driving before them like pairs of glowing red eyes in the dark. "Actually, that is something I'd like to talk to you about."
Chloe sat up straighter, though he did not miss her wince. She'd have to get some rest tomorrow.
"What do you want to talk about?" Her relaxed, trusting tone meant everything to him.
"I've been thinking for a while. Being a therapist is... difficult. Don't get me wrong, I love doing it, and it brings me gratification. But I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. I work very intuitively, and sometimes that works and that person goes to Heaven."
He slowed down, letting another car pass in front of him. "But I don't have a method, or analysis techniques or certain patterns I can apply. When I don't have a connection to a patient, it's nearly impossible for me to make progress with them. And that's not how I want to do my job. That's not how I can do my job."
He glanced at her and found her regarding him with a quiet intensity. "So," he continued, "I am considering taking psychology classes. To properly understand how I can go about all of this. It doesn't feel right that I learn this all on my own. Probably not possible, either."
They were both quiet, until Chloe spoke. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah." She smiled. "Why would I not agree with you? It's brave of you, taking that step. And I'm sure it'll be good for you. A different environment can't hurt, and it will take away a lot of frustration."
The nerves that had crept upon him without noticing fizzled away into nothing. "This also means that I'll be on Earth more often, at the very least once a week. So I get to see you and Trixie more, and I can take care of Rory while you're at work."
Her smile grew wider, eyes sparkling. "I don't object to that either." She laced their fingers together. "I'll help you the best I can with finding a good program. Partners, right?"
He brushed his thumb over the back of her hand, grazing the metal of her ring. "Partners."
With a hum, Chloe settled back in her seat.
Lucifer kept glancing at her every moment he could spare from keeping an eye on traffic. There was something else he wanted to tell her. Or rather, ask.
But from the way her eyes started to flutter close, he knew this wasn't the right moment. Or preferable setting. And that's alright. That's alright, because there's still so many moments that they get to share in the future.
For once, they had time.
And he intended to make the most of it.