Author's note: Thank you all for your feedback and I'm so happy it's been positive. Also, I glad you can relate to this Bella character because so can I and a lot is based on true personal experiences.

Here is chapter 5 in Edward's POV. I hope you enjoy a little bit inside his mind.

…

"When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her"

Work Song - Hozier

...

"Hello everyone and thank you for coming." I say in front of my five employees. It's a monthly meeting that I say is mandatory and none of them have missed them. "I wanted to talk about areas of growth for the shop today. How can we get our name out with surrounding shops that have more clients than we do?"

I sound smart, right? As a leader should. My father used to tell me that.

But sounding smart can't hide the feeling of anxiety in the pit of my stomach.

Bella agreed to have dinner with me... tonight.

I've checked my phone a thousand times in the last hour waiting for her to send me a text that says she wants to cancel. I wouldn't blame her. I don't know why my resilience to make her feel better overpowered the fact that we're better off without each other, especially at a vulnerable time for her.

Maybe that's why I did it. I knew she was vulnerable so she had to say yes to me.

I am an ass. I always have been.

Like her mother, my father was just as a hard ass on me. He raised me after my mom died. I guess raised isn't the best word to describe having a nanny twenty four seven and a tutor in between after the school activities that kept me too tired to even want to spend time with my dad.

I was fine that way. My Nanny taught me everything. Cooking, cleaning, folding laundry, and school work. She loved me and she would do anything I asked for, which also taught me how to manipulate and woo the female species.

I could get my way with just a smile sometimes and money all the time.

As soon as they saw my expensive car my father bought me, they wanted something.

So did I. I wanted to feel needed to make myself feel strong.

It wasn't until Bella I felt my strongest.

Money was a weak point but with Bella I was debilitated. I would give her the world... would have given her the world. But then I messed up.

I couldn't protect her from my own flaws of gambling my life away. An addiction I didn't know I had until I played card games for money the first time.

When I turned eighteen, I went to Las vegas. I looked like I was twenty one and with my brother's talent to make fake IDs, to the employees I was.

But Vegas was where my addiction swelled with pride, greed and envy.

Pride when I stole money from wealthy assholes who could feed the world.

Greed when I felt like six figures in my account just wasn't enough.

Envy of those who could control their cravings and still live a semi healthy, normal life. Married, kids, and a career that they hated but made too much money to quit.

But those sins couldn't protect her.

After that night, I knew I had to leave. I couldn't drag her down with me. She was fragile and needed stability.

She was fresh out of some treatment facility and I had just quit community college. She was a waitress at a local pub and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Her jeans hugged her hips, her breast peeked out of her low cut shirt, her hair blew in the wind that didn't exist in the restaurant full of drunk, creepy men.

I knew I wanted to protect her when a guy harassed her to pull her top down a little further. She smiled uncomfortably. When the dick tried to put a tip down her shirt, I only saw red.

It wasn't my first bar fight and definitely not my last. But for her, I would have killed him for touching her at all, let alone that way.

I only knew her name from her badge. I didn't know her past, her personality or her favorite color. This was our first time at this pub and luckily her boss was more thankful and didn't ban us from coming back when I banged the drunk bastard onto the bar stool.

I was always angry. I loved fighting whether I was starting them or not. I made sure to workout and get stronger through high school to make sure no one would mess with me like they did in middle school.

I was tall, lanky and had acne. The popular kids, the ones I was supposed to be like in my dad's eyes, thought I was weak and sought me out. They preyed on me, but my best friend, Jasper, was there. He did wonders as a best friend who was more like the brother I never had, teaching me how to defend myself and how to make my acne go away.

In high school, I became a popular athlete and never was bullied again. I even kept myself from being a bully and focused on athletics and academics so I could get the hell out of Seattle. I didn't get out of Seattle though. I found Bella and gambling found me, two mixtures that sent me through a downfall I didn't care enough to stop.

But after Bella, I found tattooing and became a great enough artist that I could get into an apprenticeship somewhere. I was able to go to California and learn under some of the greatest artists about the details, flick of the wrist and business aspects of my new found love. In four years, I was able to have my own shop.

But my addiction to gambling didn't end. It came back full force but I needed the money. At first, it was only once a year but that soon turned into multiple times a year until it was every month. The money came in fast and it was how I was able to afford this shop near Bella and I's first apartment in the citier part of Forks.

"Maybe we could hold a flash sale!" Tanya answers my question from earlier, snapping me out of the thoughts.

I nod in approval.

"We could advertise on social media and all draw half palm size ideas they can choose from. A lot of other shops do the same and it's a hit." Tanya continues and I am back in business mode.

...

I pulled my white corvette into the parking lot of the restaurant of her choice. Fucking Olive Garden, I should have known. I'm a sucker for their breadsticks so I can't be too upset.

My phone rings and Bella's new number with a Florida area code lights it up. It heightens my uneasy feeling that this was a bad idea.

"Hello?" I say into my phone. It's Bella and I hope my uneasiness doesn't show in my voice.

"Are you here?" She sounds tired. She looked like she hadn't slept in days yesterday. I can't blame her if she hasn't, but a part of me wants to scold her on her sleep hygiene knowing that it's important for someone like her.

Not someone like her... for everyone... including myself... fuck it, you get it.

"I just pulled in. Are you?" I ask, hoping that she hasn't been waiting long.

"Uh, yeah. I'm seated in the back." Shit. She always did like being early. "I told them you were coming."

"Okay." I'm afraid to hang up until I see her in person. Like she'll hang up and I will wake up from this dream of acceptance from her.

I find her sitting where she said she is. The light is dim. She has a glass with white wine in it. She circles her fingers over the rims of the glass and takes a sip before she sees me. She takes a larger sip when she does.

"You shouldn't be drinking." Those are the first words to her and I am an idiot.

She rolls her eyes. "You don't have much of a say in what I do now, or ever." She snaps.

She's right. She has always been feisty and one thing she will do is whatever she pleases. I love that about her... loved that about her... who am I trying to kid?

"Sorry." I murmur.

The waitress comes and takes our food order. She orders her favorite Italian Wedding Soup. I settle on a customized pizza and order the house wine by the bottle. Might as well drink to celebrate this awkward reunion.

"A toast?" I lift my glass up after pouring drinks for us both.

She snorts. "For?"

"Life and love lost."

She rolls eyes but holds her glass up and touches it to mine.

I don't know why I mention love. I don't even know why I told her I love her. I do love her and I meant it when I said those words. It may not have been the right time but I don't take it back.

Since our divorce I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. How she's been doing, what she's doing, has she been achieving her goals? I know she isn't a fan of Florida but that's where she went after she left that day. I ran after her car, hoping that this wasn't truly the end of us. But as her car became further from me, I knew it was. I signed those papers because I was angry, but after I shook hands with my attorney who made sure this would be quick and easy, my heart shattered because I didn't think it would end like this. I still needed her to tell me it would be okay and I would say the same to her. It would be okay and we were still okay.

When I heard about Charlie, I immediately thought of her. Praying that she was strong enough to hold this on her shoulders as she once did, probably still does, the entire world.

"Why are you here?" She asks moments after we take our sip of wine. It's too sweet for my liking, I know she will love it.

Her cheeks are already flushed as she picks at a strand of her long wild hair. It's naturally brown but in the light a red undertone shines through.

"I told you," I say, taking a bite out of a lovely dough placed in front of us. "I wanted to make sure you were okay?"

Her brows furrow as she goes into thought. I am trying not to pry but I would really like to know what she's thinking.

"Why?" She asks, shaking her head and tucking the strand of hair behind her ear.

I run my hands through my hair, tugging a little. "I already told you that too."

I don't want to repeat my declaration of still loving her. The words left my tongue and spread like a wildfire, but here we are.

She shakes her head again. "No."

I tilt my head in question.

"We can't." She picks with her fingers, looking down at them.

Is this what she thinks of me? That I come spewing out words like love and begging for her back? It's not. I know we aren't good for each other and I am not good enough for her. I know she thinks she isn't good enough for me and she only thinks that because of me, because I let her.

"It's just dinner, Bella." I'm trying to calm the storm brewing on her face and in her body language.

She shifts in her chair like she can't get comfortable and I can feel her bouncing her leg under the table.

"It's never just dinner with you."

How can she say this after all these years? We haven't had dinner or let alone spoken to her since the day we signed our divorce papers.

In our two years together, we both enjoyed staying in and ordering take out rather than coming out to restaurants. It was better for us both. No other people, no drama, no money, no temptation. Just us, intertwined in our bed with nothing but the noise of the busy streets below us.

"You can't just come back here and expect-"

"I don't expect anything," I interrupt her. "I know how stressful this has to be and I know how you can handle stressful situations.

"You don't know anything about me anymore." She tries to whisper but I can hear the irritation in her voice.

She's right, but I can't help but to feel a hit to the wall I have built over the years, much like her. But she was always the one who could tear those walls down and repair them so she was in the dark, tunneled castle I kept myself in.

I clear my throat. "I know. I just..." I drift off because our waitress arrives with our food.

We take a few bites and sips in silence. The pizza is dry and I wish I would have ordered something else. She spoons her soup but lets it fall back into her bowl and stirring it.

"You should eat." There I go again. Sounding like Renee and making suggestions she doesn't need. She's an adult and makes her own choices which I have no say in, not that I ever really did.

She pushes her bowl in front of her and picks up the wine bottle, pouring the remaining liquid into her cup almost to the top. I don't know how much she drank before I arrived, but even the thought of getting her drunk at this time in her life makes me uncomfortable.

The waitress comes by asking how our dinner is and if we want another bottle.

"No." I answer without looking away from Bella.

"No, thank you." She's always been nicer than I am in public. The waitress nods and leaves us.

"Let's start this over." I take a deep breath.

She giggles, picking up her wine glass. "Should we toast again? To life and love lost, was it?" She holds her glass up but instead of waiting for me, she chugs the entire glass.

Shit.

"I care for you, Bella. I always have and I always will. It was shit when we were together but we had good times too." I ramble. "It's just dinner, like I said."

She giggles again. The sound is amazing as it fills my ears, sounding like a song made perfectly for me.

"Just dinner?" Her right eyebrow rises and she fights a smile. The dimple on her right cheek dares to come out. She bites her lip, her fucking lip. Her eyes look more hazel in the light as she blinks them softly at me.

Jesus.

"Yes." My voice doesn't break.

She rolls her eyes. "You're no fun." She pushes her food away and takes a sip of her water. "I was kidding anyway. I'm celibate."

I almost choke on her words. "Huh?" It couldn't be. I could not have been her last. I'm sure there were other men out there, dying to call her theirs. There's no way.

She laughs loudly. "You should have seen your face!" I love her. Always turning things into a joke.

"I didn't... I mean..." I stutter. She continues to chuckle, biting on her straw. Her full, glossed lips haven't changed.

"I mean I guess you should say I am." She just shrugs like she's not rambling her personal sex life to me, someone who was once a part of that life.

I process her words in my own time that feels too slow for how this information finally gets to my brain.

Is she telling me there hasn't been anyone else since me?

I want to ask her but before I can, she's going on about something else she thinks is funny. I am trying to pay attention but I am constantly wondering if she really never touched anyone or didn't let anyone touch her since we were last together.

Our last night together was a ditch effort in trying to save our marriage. We were in the process of divorcing and really shouldn't have been seeing each other, but she came to get some of her stuff. I didn't know, I was getting out of shower and walking around naked. I saw her, got a hard on and everything else was bliss.

She regretted it and we divorced the next week.

The rest of the night was smooth. We sat in the restaurant until closing, kind of pissing the employees off. I didn't care though, leaving Bella wasn't an option since I wasn't sure if we would even see each other again.

She completely sobered up and I was more comfortable with letting her leave.

We said our goodbyes quickly because I was afraid I would overstep any boundaries, which was something I was never focused on but I still didn't know this new Bella.

She was confident and sure of herself. She looked amazing as ever with her shiny brown hair, soft brown eyes and a body that fit in the flowing navy blue dress she wore.

"Thanks for dinner," she told me before smiling awkwardly, not too sure if we should hug or not.

I didn't make a move on her and only told her, "Text me when you get home."

She nodded and gave me a slight wave before walking to Charlie orange beat up Chevy.

It took me ten minutes to get to our apartment but I knew it would take her twenty to get back to La Push.

I was on high alert with my keys still in my hand waiting for her to text me.

I only felt some relief when she texted me that she was safe because I want her here next to me. But for now, spending even the slightest of time would be enough.

...

Author's note: Wow, a lot from Edward. I hope you all enjoyed his POV and getting a little bit of insight from him. Still a lot we don't know but I promise you will soon. Don't forget to leave a review on what you think! 3