Author's note: Welcome back! Happy Fourth of July! Please stay safe and enjoy chapter 13!

Disclaimer: Unedited, please excuse the mistakes.

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"I've been told, I've been told to get you off my mind

But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind

Oh my lord, oh my lord, I need you by my side"

Bruises - Lewis Capaldi

…

"You have three jobs?" Edward gasps. Of all the things he chooses to be surprised about, it's the fact that I work myself to death and actually like it.

"Yeah, it helps keep me busy so I don't have enough downtime to think." I shrug.

Enough downtime to think about the fact that I'm a recovering addict and still craving for anything to settle my thoughts.

Would that be too much to tell him though? I still have cravings, which were obvious earlier. I've grown a lot but not as much as he seems to have. He looks like he's moved past his bullshit. Maybe it's a front but after seeing the tattoo shop tonight, it's a fucking good one.

I chose to talk to Edward tonight because this is becoming more than just friends fast and he needs to know some things upfront first. If he wants to back out and truly never speak to me again, he has the chance. I have convinced myself that there will be no hard feelings despite the sex if he chooses to leave, which he might after spilling my sad life story to him.

So I tell him about sleeping in my car or friends house because being at Renee's was sometimes too much. How did all kinds of drugs and partied before deciding to go to rehab in Florida. How I thought about moving back to Forks but I had a panic attack each time I thought about running into him.

He stayed silent, but he was listening. He watched me the entire time but didn't touch me. Little did he know I wanted him to be my blanket as I babble. But how was he supposed to know? I didn't even look at him the entire time I spoke. I couldn't though, I was trying not to cry and I knew looking at his wave of emotions on his face would make me.

"I haven't done drugs since the day before I left for rehab." I end my story on a good note that I am proud about. The room feels too sad now. "Except weed," I chuckle.

He gives me a shy smile. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"You don't need to be sorry," I tell him immediately. It's not his fault for my time after we divorced. I was fully aware of my decisions, my family genetics, and how my tendency to be impulsive could ruin my life.

"I am though," he sighs, still looking at me. "Because I should have been there."

I shake my head and push my brown flyaways from my face. "Nah, I had to do this on my own." I explain to him my time at the rehab facility and sessions with multiple therapists.

I wasn't going to get better with or without him. I had to and still have to make my own decisions about my recovery. I can only control who I am and my choices. Choices not to use drugs, drink excessively or allow anyone to stir me wildly that they dominate me so much. Choosing to eat and exercise moderately, on my own terms. Choosing to work three jobs or sleep in my car to get away from the crowding of Renee's disapproval despite my ability to work my ass off. Choosing to do good things for myself and now, choosing to allow Edward in.

"I don't want your sympathy." I finally look at him. His green eyes burn into mine in admiration. I give him a smile to let him know I am happy he is listening to me instead of giving me a lecture.

He used to always have a comment on what I was doing wrong when I was venting to him and just needed an ear to talk out loud to. It got to the point where I hated opening up to him because he seemed to think his advice fixed everything. He had great suggestions but that wasn't and it's not like he was using the points he made on himself.

"I just wanted you to know some things before we really tried again." I feel like I am walking on a fine line where this could be good or really bad. I'm telling him that I want to try us again as if our actions earlier didn't seal that fate.

His eyes soften and a smile tugs on his lips. "Try again?" His smile is full force after he speaks.

His toothy, boyish grin makes my heart skip a beat. I can't help but smile back at him, nodding slowly.

"Yeah." My voice is a whisper but I mean it.

I do want to try again. I don't know how or even why, but I want to find out.

"We should have rules," he says seriously. "Boundaries."

He's right. My life after him has been built on boundaries with myself and other people. It needs to stay that way. If we want to do this right then there's lines we should make so they don't get crossed.

"What do you think about just dating?" He suggests after a moment.

"Just dating?"

Edward and I kind of skipped the dating stage in our relationship. We met and went on two dates before we decided we really loved each other despite how bad we could be together. We fought a lot but we fucked even better. He drove me crazy and I pissed him off. I was his wing woman at the casino and I watched him flirt with other women many times, but at the end of the night he was with me and that's all I thought I needed.

Other people around saw the red flags and that's why we didn't have much support when he asked me to marry him. It was too soon for others but after six months of being together, we agreed on the motto you should be with who you love.

"Like get to know each other again, go out together or stay in, whatever is cool." I can hear the nervousness in his voice as he further explains what "just dating" is to him. "And what happened earlier…" his voice fades.

I laugh a little. "You mean when we had sex?"

He laughs too. "Yeah, we shouldn't have sex for a little while." There's emphasis on a little while.

I raise my eyebrow. "Did you not enjoy having sex? Because if I seem to remember right, you came on to me and you did enjoy it."

I watch as his cheeks turn pink and he clenches his jaw, remembering the same.

"Of course I did," he stutters and runs his fingers through his hair. "You just…" He looks down then back at me. "You already cloud my judgement and I think sex, which was very nice by the way, would cloud it even more."

I don't say anything because he is right. With one touch from Edward I was a puddle of emotions that I worked so hard to lock away. I couldn't make decisions that would keep me away or doing the right thing when it came to him if he touched me. It's how we ended up going to dinner and naked in my bed earlier.

Our relationship was built on sex. Honestly, after our first night together, he could have asked me to marry him and I would have said yes. Sex was our dating period but it had to be different this time.

"Okay." I agree. "We have to know this won't be easy and we can't just give up."

He nods, smiling again and calming the storm in my head. "I won't let you leave me." He puts his hand on mine and I welcome his warm touch.

"Just don't piss me off so I don't want to." I giggle, leaning into him. "I guess I can call you my boyfriend now, huh?" My hands are on my hips and I smile, eyeing the man before me.

My Angel squeals with excitement so loud Confidence and Devil cover their ears.

"I guess so." He smiles at the idea but bites his lip like there's something else.

I cross my arms, still smiling. "What is it?"

He stands up, wiping his hands on his pants. "Would you-uh," he stutters and I am nervous. "Would you wear your wedding ring?"

I feel my mouth drop.

"As a wedding ring. I'm not proposing."

I go from completely and utterly in love to confused and frustrated quickly.

My arms drop from my chest and back onto my hips.

My Confidence and Devil feel like I do, but Angel checks out her left hand ring finger.

"Like a promise ring." I feel myself falling in love with him again.

Slowly, but surely, his cute and innocent request begins to shadow my thoughts. My thoughts that tell me this is crossing a line that is too fresh to be crossed.

I shake my head and close my eyes, thankfully snapping myself out of the urge to take the ring and just marry him.

But I can't do that again.

"That seems too much Edward" I say and watch disappointment flood on his face. "I just want to think about it, okay?" I quickly recover but the disappointment doesn't falter. "I'm-..."

"Don't say you're sorry." He interrupts me. "I should be saying that but I am glad I brought it up, it would've bothered me."

I offer him a smile and he looks more relaxed. I reach out for his hands and step towards him. "Communication is good, you know?"

He rolls his eyes and pulls me all the way to him, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on the top of my head. I wrap my arms around his torso and rub circles on his back as he does the same to mine.

"Well, are promises too much?" He asks quietly.

"Depends on what they are." I was never into promises because a lot of them couldn't be kept, especially by Edward. I said I would try again and maybe I'm stupid for giving him the benefits of the doubt but he deserves a clean slate.

"Will you promise to continue to open up to me?"

I pull away to look at him. I search his eyes for something telling me not to say yes. Cruel intentions or the power to use what I just told him against me. I've already told him so much and he hasn't told me anything, there really hasn't been time to but it will come, won't it?

I don't see any bad intentions or red flags telling me I shouldn't be honest with him. I've never been good at accepting it but I know when Edward isn't telling the truth. Right now, he is.

"Only if you promise to open up to me." I tell him, watching his expression.

He looks behind me for a moment. I watch his expression go cold and distant but he recuperates swiftly. "Okay."

He smiles but my Confidence still doesn't believe him but this is the part of trying again. No sex, communication and promises. But with promises comes trust and I've never been good at trusting Edward, let alone anyone. Even though I know and I'm starting to accept that as of five seconds, I am still urged to test the waters.

"Would you be willing to do so now?" I feel like I have told him alot and have gotten nothing. Not that I truly give a damn, but why was Tanya such a bitch earlier and I'm interested to know why.

He thinks for a moment, sighing twice before nodding. "What do you want to know?"

"Who is Tanya to you?" I sound like a jealous girlfriend but I truly want to know.

"She was strictly a friend and an employee I'm thinking about firing." The look of frustration washes over his face.

There's a part of me that is glad the idea of firing her is on his mind but the other part doesn't want someone to lose their job because of me. There's a bigger part that's focused on the words he used to describe the relationship.

"Was strictly a friend?" I emphasize "was" because they seemed friendly to me until she tried to show her ass.

"I met her about a year after we divorced. She worked at the initial shop I started working at. We went to dinner a few times and she helps out a lot at the shop." His voice almost seems panicked as he tries to explain what friends meant with Tanya. "And she was my wing woman at one point."

I feel my mouth go dry and my stomach drop. My head begins to hurt and I wish I was high again. I don't know what I am more angry at right now, the fact he chose her to be my successor or the fact that he still needs a wing woman.

While I tiptoed around with drugs and alcohol, Edward's addiction was money and gambling it away in hopes to get more.

He was good at it and a lot of our income was from going out to casinos twice a month. He knew how to play one step ahead of all of his components. With his own skill and the helpful hand of me as his wing woman.

My job was to flirt and get them to drink to get them off their game. Sometimes I could even get them to tell me their secrets of the game and get them to Edward. I wore a beautiful dress and natural makeup for an innocent look. We entered alone and we left alone to keep the others from thinking we were together. Our inside game led him to many victories and only increased his addiction therefore increasing mine as well.

Like I said, the sex was amazing but the fights were horrible. It wasn't a good environment but we fed off of it until the accident happened and we realized we were safer away from each other. Hence the divorce, move back to California and rehab.

But the game was exciting and almost like foreplay for the wild nights we would have in some of the most luxurious hotels. I was addicted to the secret between husband and wife and he knew that which is why I'm confused about him choosing Tanya to be his wing woman. You have to be crazy, stupid and in love to cheat and feed into an addiction that way.

"It was never more than that if that's what you're thinking." His words don't calm that thought, at all.

"How could it have not been?" Because I really don't understand.

"Tanya was in a hole with debt from school, she wasn't going to be able to finish school. Sure she was attracted to me and I to her, but it was never going to work out. I was still caught up in our relationship and she never understood why. I gave her eighty percent of the winnings so she could finish school, she had earned it too."

Edward has always been sweet, much unlike his father. Edward Sr was known to be a cold man even before he met Elizabeth. She softened him only so much and never in public. People worried that Elizabeth and her son were being hurt behind closed doors. But Edward Sr never laid a hand on them. He did love his family at one point.

When Elizabeth was killed, there was no one to keep him soft. Edward was a spitting image of his mother and a reminder at how painful life and your choices can be.

She was murdered because he chose to work a case with a lethal gang in Seattle. It took entire families off the streets including young teenagers. OGs were pissed and they could only retaliate in one way.

Elizabeth was an easy target and they wanted to hurt him. They knew living without her would somehow break him down and it did.

He wasn't much of a father to Edward after. Luckily, Jasper's dad didn't mind having a little Edward over often. It was fishing with his uncle or playing in rooms around the maids, cooks and his own tutor which was honestly lonely even in a mansion. But in his loneliness, he learned how to have a giving heart that only wanted to help people.

"So you care for her?" I ask but I don't know why.

His eyes bore into my body. I look down but I can see him nod in the corner of my eyes. "But nothing more than a friend who was there for me and I was there for her. The friendship with Tanya can be over."

I shake my head because I don't want that. I would feel horrible if Edward was mean to her or fired her for me. She's a bitch but we don't need to get along. If he's her employee then he has to have social interaction with her.

Edward looks more concerned while I'm thinking and saying nothing

"There's been no one since you Bella," he tells me.

The validation melts me and I think this no sex thing will be harder than I thought. I'm bad at words and for him I love to use my body to show how much I appreciate him and love him.

"There's been no one since you either Edward." I tell him, ignoring the kiss from when I just met Jacob. It doesn't count, it meant nothing and it was only proof of that.

"That's not what it seemed at the bar…" I knew he saw the hug between Jake and I, but that was also nothing. He's a nice guy and I was being nice.

"Jake is a friend. He lives in La Push I met at a party through Leah." I say to remind myself that the kiss didn't matter but should Edward know? I choose yes quickly. "We kissed but that was it and it was nothing."

He doesn't look angry, just disappointed… in himself, I think. To my surprise he even chuckles to himself. "Bella, I know how troubling it is for you to realize that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on but it is no surprise that any man would give up an opportunity to get to know you."

I make a weird face in confusion because I don't know if that's a compliment or not.

"I didn't deserve to know you but I will never wish to not fully know you or not have you close to me in a way no one else could be again."

We always hated the fact that we didn't lose our virginities to each other. But those teenage high school hook ups were nothing compared to what Edward and I made each other feel in between the sheets.

"I don't deserve that but here I am and I don't want it to ever end again."

"I don't either." I finally breathe and throw my arms around him. I don't want him to leave again and I am willing to try whatever it takes.

As he kisses my forehead and I melt into his touch the thought that I will to try everything it takes is slowly overshadowed wondering if Tanya is his current wing woman. Was it a one time thing or is he still gambling.

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Author's note: What do you all think? I hope you enjoyed getting to know a little bit more about Tanya. See you all next chapter and please leave a review!