Author's note: Welcome to the next chapter and thank you for your reviews for the last chapter. I really love hearing your thoughts. There's still so much to unpack because these characters have a lot of baggage which you will see in this chapter. I hope you all enjoy!

Disclaimer: Unedited but if you see a mistake, let me know kindly (:

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"But if you love me, don't let go

Whoa, if you love me, don't let go

Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady

A little unsteady"

Unsteady - X Ambassadors

...

It's New Year's Eve and we decided to stay in, which we have been doing a lot. It's made this process easier, allowing us to ignore the outside world and live free from their judgment. I stay at Charlie's a lot during the day while he's at the shop and I don't spend the night often. We have date nights where we go out and I still spend every third weekend with Rosalie.

I'm trying not to care what other people think about my decision to "just date" Edward again. Just dates and rule number one is no sex.

It's gone well so far, honestly. With my recent consistency of taking my antidepressants, my libido isn't alive and well. She's resting while Edward's is poking her flaccid body to wake up when I kiss him. I'm always the one to break the kiss because he wants me to be in control of the pace of this trial. I actually like feeling in control of something, but it's almost been two months and I can tell we're going to push it further each time because my libido is does stir from time to time.

Getting to know each other is also letting him know that I have indeed changed for the better and I've been hoping to see the same from him but something tells me that he isn't telling me as much as I tell him. I wear my thoughts and feelings on my sleeve, something that I used to never do. After learning that it does more harm than good, I learned to say what's on my mind and not apologize for it. I control myself now.

But he still seems like he's walking on eggshells. He has told me a lot but there's a buzz in my head telling me that there's more.

He's been more tense since he came back to my house after he dropped me off on Christmas. I didn't say anything about it because honestly I was happy to have him sleeping next to me. It had been so long since I've shared a bed with anyone and I felt so secure with him next to me. I slept even better that night and was honestly happy when I woke up wrapped in his arms.

I'm hoping it's not me making things up in my head to self sabotage me trying to trust Edward, but what if I'm right? He's only ever proven he lies to save himself and has that really changed over the years?

Then again, he did tell me the truth about his friendship with Tanya which I'm sure was hard to do.

I haven't spoken to Tanya since the night I met her. I haven't really had the time because I keep myself busy with the house and I got myself a part time job as a waitress at a bar in La Push.

She's been in the back of my mind and I would like to keep it that way especially since I told Edward not to fire her. I don't need to think about them together at all even if it's strictly business. He hasn't said anything and on the rare occasion that I do come to visit Edward at the shop, she keeps herself away from me.

"Is that all the groceries?" Edward asks, closing my trunk.

Since we're staying in we decided to go get some snacks and drinks to watch the ball drop at midnight.

"I think so," I say, looking at the bags in my hand and walking towards the front door.

We're staying at Charlie's tonight again. It feels more cozy and the fireplace is an amazing attribute. The new painting, carpet and appliances makes it feel more like a home. Modern but family, hopefully hiding the past trauma and hurt that once took place. Also, the new air mattress I bought feels much better than my old twin bed.

I have to set the groceries down so I can unlock the door but to my surprise, it's already unlocked. I gasp and take a step back, running into Edward.

"What's wrong?" He asks, setting the groceries he's carrying to turn me around.

"The door is unlocked already." I feel more confused than worried that someone is actually in the house. I am trying to think back to before we left. I know I locked the door and checked it twice like I usually do.

Did I forget? Did Edward lock it?

I look at him and his look of fear worries me more. He's scared? I know he hasn't told me everything yet but I've only seen the look he has now one other time.

I made myself believe that Edward didn't really care about what happened to me that night I was attacked. He detached himself from me after and I really needed him then. He pushed me away and left me alone then divorced me. He couldn't have cared if he was able to do that to me.

But his expression makes me wonder if I was wrong.

He takes a moment to collect himself then stands up straight. I watch his eyes flicker between now and traumatic flashbacks from finding me sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket the police covered me with.

I wouldn't look at him or let him touch me. I rightfully blamed him.

"Stay here," he says sternly, moving in front of me.

I feel silly letting him go in alone because two is better than one. He opens the door slowly and I peek over his shoulder to see if anything or anyone is behind it.

There is.

She is.

Dressed in all black with her dirty blonde hair straightened and cut in a long bob. She stands like a model in her stilettos even I am surprised she's wearing. She holds her all white lab coat in her arms and there's a suitcase next to her. Her lips are painted in a glossy red that makes her look younger than she is. She is kissed with the Florida sun just right and her face is free of wrinkles but not even the concealer can hide the bags under her eyes.

"Isabella, it's good to see you," Renee says, speaking slowly and looking directly at me

"Fuck your life." My Devil, Angel and Confidence say together.

They haven't been present since being with Edward. He quiets their voices that tell me everything will end poorly. He calms the anxiety that fills my head and the impulse to self sabotage something good in my life.

But as my mother stands in front of me, I know she could ruin that if I let her.

My Devil and my Confidence saddle up ready to fight battleside. My Angel cowers in the corner, avoiding conflict as always.

To her, I don't look as assertive as I feel. I'm basically hiding behind Edward even though I don't mean to.
"I have a copy of the key, Honey." She answers my question and I note to change these old ass locks.

"What are you doing here?" I ask still behind Edward. He hasn't moved or said anything but I can see him looking at me from his peripherals. After everything I told him about my time with Renee in Jacksonville, he wants to protect me from her but I don't know if anyone can do that.

"I have a conference in Seattle but I thought I would stop by since I haven't heard from you in almost three months." Her voice quickens but she smiles like it hasn't bothered her.

I wouldn't say I've directly ignored Renee's calls but when she has called, I let it go to my voicemail that is full.

I really have been busy with the house, work and my relationship with Edward. I am also finally starting to feel like I have some routine that wasn't set for me. I'm figuring out what I enjoy doing even when it's out of my comfort zone. I don't feel like I need to depend on Edward or anyone which is surprising.

"I'm surprised to see the company you've been keeping." She finally addresses Edward. Her eyes narrow at him and I feel Edward tense in front of me. I put my hand under his shirt to touch the lower part of his back. My hand feels ice cold against his hot back but I feel him settle slightly.

"Leave him alone, Mom." I step in front of Edward and I now feel his hand on my shoulder. I sound like I'm fifteen again as she and Charlie fought but she spoke words of malice towards him. He was already down and she was planning on taking me from him, he didn't need to be hurt further.

But this was different. She has no reason to be upset with Edward. She didn't care we divorced other than she knew it would happen. She's upset with me so he needs to stay out of it.

She rolls her eyes. "I would like to be at my hotel by eight. I thought you would want to get an early dinner."

The fact that she would think I would want to go out with her after I haven't answered her calls in three months makes me remember how ignorant she can be. She never cared about the mood of the room. She would get what she wanted one way or another.

"It's snowing and the roads are going to get bad as it gets darker." I'm not wrong and she knows that, making me a little more wary about why she is here. "You should probably get to your hotel sooner than eight."

I don't know if it's the fact that Edward is standing behind me or that I know I really don't need to be afraid of her here that makes me brave. Either way, my Devil and Confidence are proud which gives my Angel a boost of encouragement to stand up for herself.

Renee's eyebrows rise in surprise at how I am talking to her right now. She has no jurisdiction here and she needs to know that.

"I will be fine on the roads. I've been provided a perfect driver for my visit." She boasts but it doesn't make me feel better. "I just wanted to spend time with you since I am here."

Here? Visions of the last time she was here to rip me away from a place that had become home for me. Charlie crying and throwing his empty liquor bottles at the wall. Rose closing the door to keep me from seeing his loss of control while Renee pulled me out of the house.

"I don't think she wants to have dinner with you." Edward speaks up for me after what feels like five minutes of silence. I snap out of my thoughts and elbow him in the ribs.

"I don't need you speaking for me." I snap at him then turn back to Renee. "Now isn't a good time, Mom."

"Well, when would be a good time? I haven't heard from you in months and then I come here to find out you've fallen back into the same pattern as before." She eyes Edward again.

"Don't act like you give a fuck!" I shout. "Why would I want to have dinner with you? So you can tell me how much of a fuck up I am?" I can feel my body shake to keep the tears that have formed from falling.

"To keep you from making mistakes like the one you're doing right now. I can see you've gained weight already. People have been talking that you're back in rehab…" she goes on and on about how what I am doing is wrong like she is concerned. "I thought I was going to find you here choking on your own vomit again or a needle in your arm like your father."

My Angel covers her ears and my Devil's fire is ignited.

She acts like she is truly relieved but I realize what she is really here for.

In a split second my vision is black and when it comes back I am standing over her as she tumbles to the ground on her side.

"Bella!" I hear Edward and then feel his arms wrap around my wrist. I don't fight him as I realize that the reason Renee is on the floor is I am standing over her not remembering how it happened.

Did I push her?

She collects herself before putting her heels back on and getting up. She fixes her dress and makes sure her hair is in place. Her wrist cracks as she moves it to make sure it isn't broken since she fell so hard.

She crosses her arms and smiles. She came here to push me over the edge as a reminder that I am still a loose cannon without her here to command my every move. I am still the sensitive and temperamental child that doesn't know how to handle their emotions when they are not checked and corrected daily.

"Leave." I don't hit Edward when he speaks for me again. He holds me now, rubbing my arms to soothe me.

My Angel and my Confidence watch as my Devil burns, chest rising and furious.

Renee says nothing as she smiles and pulls out her phone to make a call. "You can pull in." She tells the person but doesn't take her eyes off of Edward and me.

I see an all black SUV pull up and a tall man in an all black suit with a winter coat gets out. He waves then opens the trunk and back passenger door, waiting for her.

"Seems like some things will never change." She looks us up and down as she walks past us.

We watch her walk down the driveway and get into the truck without another look. The driver closes her door, waves at us again before heading to the driver's side.

I feel my body relax when we watch the SUV pull off. Edward finally releases me to close the front door and lock it.

My chest feels heavy and I lean over, placing my hands on my knees. My breathing gets faster and my head fills with pressure. I am panicked and in distress as the high from my rage is gone. I am trying to put the piece back together before I completely fall apart in front of Edward.

I pushed Renee and I blacked out doing so. I haven't blacked out in so long but it was inevitable with what Renee said out loud in front of me and Edward.

Without context, he must think the worst of me. We have shared a lot with each other but just like him, I haven't told him everything.

"Bella." Edward's voice is soft. He is in front of me, trying to stand me up.

My body feels too heavy to fight him as he takes on my body weight. He wraps one arm around my waist to hold me up and uses the other to lift my chin so I will look at him.

I feel my heart break when I look into his eyes. He's pure worry and confusion makes me realize how right he was that I needed someone to be there for me. I never thought I could be okay with being so vulnerable around him again as I cry into his chest.

He holds me tight and rubs my hair as I stain his shirt. He doesn't say anything else and neither do I because what else is there to say? With Charlie's death, the house and all of the in between that led me and Edward here, my shoulders have felt so heavy. I've always been a loose cannon full of stress and ready to be lit. This was no different, I faltered and lost control.

It feels like hours before I finally stop crying. Edward moved us to the air mattress, holding me bridal style before slowly laying me down. I still cling to him and he doesn't let me go. With small kisses on my forehead and circles rubbed on my back, I feel my eyes get heavy as I drift into a dark sleep.

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Author's note: How do you like a not so motherly Renee? I kind of enjoy writing her as mean. Leave a review! See you next time