A few hours later, she fiddled restlessly with her fingers. Her tension increased. She paced up and down in front of her desk with increasing unease. Twenty minutes ago she had already been unable to sit still. She was nervous. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her racing heart. She was trembling. She closed her eyes. Tried to focus only on herself. At the time, her therapist had advised her to actively feel every part of her body. She hadn't believed her at first, thought it was nonsense. But once she had gotten into it and actively thought about every single part of her body, had settled a deep calm in her. The only difference was that it didn't seem to be working now. She pinched her lips together. Frustrated that she couldn't manage to convince her head that there were other solutions...
...As she pressed a piece of the handkerchief dipped in disinfectant onto the cut, she hissed briefly. It stung. She clenched her teeth briefly. She knew from experience that in a few seconds the burning would be forgotten and her high from the cut would set in. She leaned her head against the cabinet under the sink in her private bathroom. For the first time in an hour, her lungs filled fully with oxygen. She relaxed and closed her eyes for a moment. Not only was her hangover from last night giving her a decent headache, but she had barely been able to close an eye in the night. Because of the appointment with the lawyer and the final consequences it entailed, or because of the alcohol and the conversation she had still had with Isabelle, she didn't know. She let any tension sink out of her shoulders and let her head tilt forward. Her hair fell in her face and she ran a hand through her hair as she straightened up. Her reflection looked back at her with sad and heavy eyes. She sighed in resignation and turned away.
With slow steps she walked through the corridors of the seventh floor. As if in a trance. As she did so, she thought. About the last days, weeks and months. She didn't notice Blake giving her a worried look every time she walked past him. She walked in a circle. In the hallways of the seventh floor of the State Department, and maybe also in her life. She had concluded that her taking the state department job had been the reason for her failed marriage, but now that she thought about it, that didn't seem to have been the trigger. The trigger was much further back in the past. Back during her college days. In her friend group. They had all been close friends. Everyone seemed to have been happy. Until...
"Ma'am?" Her head snapped up. Her train of thought was lost and she looked around quickly. Then she spotted Blake standing in the middle of the hallway, looking at her critically. "Is everything all right? I've called after you a several times. Your staff is waiting for you. Besides, your..." He lowered his voice slightly "...court date is coming up." She nodded and turned toward the conference room.
As she entered the room with Blake in tow, she looked into worried and uncertain faces. She couldn't expose them for it. It was unusual for her to have her staff called together in the middle of the day. They must surely be worried that something had happened or that they all will be fired. She took one deep breath before greeting the group. "Good afternoon. Thank you for taking this moment and being here." At that, she nodded appreciatively to everyone. Now she was standing here. Now there was no turning back. She forced herself to smile kindly. She didn't want to cause them any more anxiety or worry. "I have one thing I would like to address. However, I ask you to please treat this issue with respect and discretion. Also, I ask that you accept my decision and avoid unnecessary inquiries. It is not easy as it is." She had to swallow. And took the opportunity to look each of her employees in the eyes. She was about to open her mouth when words failed her. She swallowed again and forced herself to suppress the rising panic. She didn't know where to begin. How could she possibly phrase it? She quickly shook her head to sort out her thoughts. Finally, she just said it outright. "CIA Director Munsey and I, we've had our disagreements lately, which is why we're heading for a divorce."
The eyes of those opposite her widened. Matt, as well as Jay, seemed to be blindsided. Their mouths opened and then closed again. Nadine had a sad but understanding little grimace on her lips and Daisy, unlike Blake and Nadine, appeared surprised. Just as Elizabeth saw Matt about to say something, she raised her hand to interrupt him. "The appointment is soon. I just wanted to let you know and..." she looked at Daisy, "hope for your support." Daisy nodded. She understood. Gratefully, Elizabeth gave her a smile. Quietly, she heard Jay say, "I'm sorry." Her eyes searched the room, looking him over closely. "Jay, you don't have to be sorry. I... It's better this way." Turning to everyone again, she said in a firm voice. "I thank you for your understanding." And with that, she left the room. It had been easier than she had thought.
She pondered on the way down in the elevator and finally, as she sat in the car, pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and quickly typed a few sentences into her cell phone.
I'm counting on your support. You already did an excellent job last time. Thanks again for that.
She looked out the window and turned her attention to the display again. The three dots appeared and a short time later her phone vibrated.
Of course. You can count on me. See you soon.
Bess smiled and leaned her head back against the seat of the car.