Chapter Nine – The Weight of Titles

The meeting fell deafeningly silent as Cynthia was escorted into the conference room. Of the military personal present at the long table, she only recognised Premier Zachery and Pyxis on the left. On the right, she caught a glimpse of Hange and Levi. The group waited until she was seated at the very end of the table – isolated. She avoided the pointed gaze of Zachery.

"…What of the military officer?" Zachary continued from where he stood at the head of the table. Hange stood from their seat, uncharacteristically straightening her uniform and clearing her throat.

"She passed last night. Fever," Hange said delicately, almost like she was trying to soften the blow. Cynthia slumped slightly against the table in front of her, pinching the space between her eyes as a headache overcame her. She should have known, yet she wasn't prepared for the news. She could feel the room's eyes all on her as she processed the information. Death was not unfamiliar to her, yet the news was painful in more ways than one. Even when it was certainly not inevitable, she couldn't prepare for the sting, regardless of who and where. Life lost in the line of duty always felt pointless in Marely, and here she wanted to believe it was different. So why did it hurt the same way?

"That's the first casualty outside the walls in over a year. It's unacceptable," Zachery huffed. He seemed more concerned with the statistic than the fact Sophia was dead.

"With all due respect Zachery, the circumstances surrounding her death were not only unforeseen but close to impossible to prepare for. This was the first sign of settlement outside the walls we have encountered, and we had no good reason to expect them," Hange defended. Cynthia shot her a glance, surprised by the strain in her voice. Her appearance was different since Cynthia last saw her. She looked tired, dark shadows underneath her eyes. Unbelievably, her hair was more of a mess than usual.

"The assailants, do we know who they were?" Zachery asked, clearly not expecting a satisfactory answer.

"No, there was no forms of identification on them, and no one's reported them missing. But we believe they are from inside the walls, judging from the clothes. The girl in particular we think came from the underground," Hange said.

"How do you know?" Zachery asked.

"She had blackened fingers and face rot – signs of sickness you get from the mining tunnels," Levi spoke up. Cynthia had heard little of this underground city, but it sounded… unpleasant.

"Any idea how they got all the way out there?" the Premier continued his questioning.

"I have a theory," Hange said, spark in their eye, "They used tunnels that reached the surface, one of the entrances being the hillside cave we found. They had ODM gear, so it's possible they used it to navigate the cave systems."

"How would they see anything down there?"

Hange triumphantly pulled a small vial from her pocket containing a crystal-like ore. She cupped it in her hands, shading it from the light as much as possible. It was hard to see in the afternoon sun, but the stone had a slight blue glow.

"This crystal – I sampled it from the underground chapel near the Reiss family estate. I think they might use it to light the tunnels. It wouldn't go out like a flame while using gear," Hange explained fervently. Cynthia realised she hadn't fully appreciated the brain that hid underneath Hange's unkemptness.

"But there's nothing to support this?" Pyxis asked. Hange refused to kill her passion.

"Given enough time, I could find it," Hange declared.

"The report says you were also suspicious of titan presence. What does that mean?" Pyxis asked, the calmest of the three.

"Evidence suggests there's possibly one in the cave system. We couldn't get a visual," Hange explained. Zachery eyed the report closely, a critical scowl coming across his face.

"Evidence based on stone scribbles and… noises? Noises which only the immigrant heard?" Zachery pressed. Cynthia suppressed the urge to protest the title, taking a deep breath.

"There's a reason I said it was important she was present for this meeting", Pyxis stated, flipping lazily through the paperwork in front of him. Cynthia eyed him, realising he was the only reason she was here, whisked away from other duties.

"Forgive me if I am sceptical of the word of an outsider," Zachery said.

"You are entrusting the volunteers with more and more information about the island, but our shared fear of a common enemy is not enough to convince you of a threat?" Hange argued.

"Then let's authenticate this claim, hm?" Pyxis proposed, turning his attention to Cynthia. The others followed, causing her to shift in her chair in discomfort. "Miss Tempest – lovely name, by the way – have you encountered titans before? You know what they sound like?"

Time to make your case.

"I… I saw plenty of my compatriots transformed on the battlefield. I know the roar of a titan when I hear one," Cynthia said clearly, hoping to keep succinct.

"Am I correct in remembering you were conscripted for the military? The volunteers cohobate as such, so I don't believe there is much to contest here, Dhalis," Pyxis said matter of fact, turning back to the Premier. Zachery considered his words before letting out a pained sigh.

"If – and that is a big if - there is a titan still present on this island, it is in our best interest to find and destroy it. However, our efforts should be focused on resource acquisition," Zachery pressed, increasingly disinterested.

"An officer has died. Should the search for those responsible not be a top priority?" Hange asked, but their words fell flat. Before even catching wind of the gossip that confirmed as much, Cynthia knew Hange's opinion was undermined by her investment in titans.

"We might have had more information if the attackers weren't dead - as far as I'm concerned, the one responsible is in this room," Zachery said, not even attempting to cover his discontent with Cynthia. She clenched her jaw. She wanted to be angered by his words – she had no choice but to defend herself. Instead, horrible, intrusive images flooded her mind - faces. Of the kids, she never got to see grow up in her neighbourhood, of the revolutionaries that promised her freedom, of those who died by her side on the frontlines. Sophia's joined them. A lifetime of exhaustion, of guilt, settled on her shoulders.

Maybe it is my fault. Maybe I should have just died.

"Premier, I think shouldering the burden of reasonability on to one individual in this instance is complete insanity", Hange started, standing from her seat, curled fists on the tabletop. The Premier cut her off.

"In the end, this incident is a direct reflection of the poor decision to recruit an outsider. It leaves us on thin ice in the public eye, Commander Zoe," Zachery said, "I need to know your judgment has not been compromised and if Tempest should be allowed to continue her time with the scouts."

"Compromised?! I-" Hange went to protest again, but Cynthia noticed Levi shift slightly, presumably kicking her under the table. It was the first sign of life from the captain since she entered the room.

"Please, Commander. This is one of those times I wish to defer to your colleague…." Zachery continued, "Captain Levi is there any additional evidence that should be brought to my attention that will help in my decision?"

Cynthia found her eyes travel to Levi's jacket, where an obscured lump in the breast pocket was present. Sophia's notebook. Cynthia stared at him, trying to discern his thoughts. She felt she already knew his answer – which is she was not only unhelpful but was actively detrimental. She was a parasite taking up scout resources and giving nothing in return. That Sophia was dead because of her. A horrible sense of powerlessness overcame her, one she had been very familiar with ever since she was a child. One that was most poignant when Gideon got her mother killed and again now. She wished she could cut out this feeling with a knife - forget about Gideon, forget about Sophia, forget about the volunteers, forget about the scouts. Forget about Levi. Forget about Hange. For a moment, death was a credible option. What better way to stop thinking than to stop doing anything.

Cynthia gave Levi an accepting glance, taking a deep breath. This is how it would always end – with her in a prison cell. Here or there, it didn't matter. He met her gaze, expressionless. He then threw a glance at Hange, who didn't meet his eyes, too busy containing rage.

"No, Premier," Levi said, resoundingly so. Cynthia felt the stress melt from her shoulders, sights pinned on Levi, who remained unmoved. Hange turned to him, rage replaced by surprise. He gave her another swift kick to the ankle, making Cynthia wonder how no one else was catching the interaction.

"You have no comment on your Commander's judgement?" Zachery pushed.

"Hange may not make the decision's you wish them to, but that does not mean they are wrong," Levi said flatly, looking the Premier in the eye.

"And you deem Tempest to still be no threat?" Zachery asked, deflated.

"None at all", Levi assured, almost smugly so. The Premier sighed, processing the information.

"Zoe, keep scouts on the ground to watch for titan activity, but our priority remains to advance our island preparations. Tempest, you are dismissed," he concluded.

"So, I'm -?" Cynthia couldn't help but speak. It didn't feel real.

"Seems you've dodged prison once again, young lady", Pyxis joked.

"What about the caves? The undergrounders? There could be something else going on here-" Hange started again, but Dhalis raised a hand.

"Island. Preparations," He emphasised.

Outside the conference room, there was some conversation. Upon entering the hallway, Cynthia could see the usual suspects– Sasha, Jean, Connie and Mikasa conversing about something. Connie had his back to her, telling a story, one that was meant only for his companions to hear. Cynthia slowed her pace when she picked up on some of the words, finding herself listening intently to the gossip.

"… They were saying she's basically a war hero over there. Called her White dog or something? No, no, White fox! But apparently, she still couldn't gain the title of honorary Marleyan for some reason. Sounded like it pissed her off, and that's why she's helping us kick their ass's now-"

She caught the eye of Jean, who immediately stiffened, whacking Connie with a hand to indicate he needed to shut up and fast. Connie turned, confused. His face went a screaming white at the sight of her. She gave them a blank stare, deciding it was best to move past it, but she could feel hot tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

Cynthia pardoned herself, heading out into the manicured courtyards of Trost HQ. She searched for a secluded spot, away from it all. Somewhere quiet to breathe. She followed the white gravel that paved the way through the gardens, noting which flower names she could recall to ground herself – names she wouldn't have known a few months ago. So much useless information now occupied her mind, thanks to Hange.

It's not useless, she reminded herself. She came upon a secluded courtyard, tall hedges obscuring it from the rest of the gardens. The centrepiece on display was a statue of white, intricately carved stone of a man, tall and composed. He was regal in a way, one hand curled in a fist against his chest, face hardened but serene. Upon closer inspection, she noticed he was wearing a scout uniform. Several fresh and dead flower boutiques sat underneath it, covering the plaque. Curiosity peaked; Cynthia carefully brushed some aside, unveiling the brass text "In honour of Erwin Smith, 13th commander of the Scout Regiment". The man Hange struggled to fill the shoes of.

"Tempest"

Cynthia spun on her heel, feeling like a child caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. Levi's appearance was jarring and out of place, like a sudden beam of light in a dark room. She had her questions for him before, but now he was in front of her; they seemed to float away. She remembered the tears that stuck to her face, quickly wiping them away and composing herself.

"Captain", she addressed him, but his attention wasn't on her, his eyes fixated on the statue behind her. Without looking at her, he took the dreaded notebook from his jacket, giving it a critical glare, some tension in his face. The silence continued between them as he thought until he eventually threw it at her.

"-hey!" Cynthia faulted, clumsily catching the book in her hands, "Why?"

"I don't want this to be my problem anymore," Levi said, voice tinged with frustration.

"What do you mean?" Cynthia asked, staring at the book in her hands. The pages were wrapped with heavy use, swollen with a red stain she didn't want to identify. The cover was worn and unlabelled.

"Read it," he said, arms crossed. Cynthia gave him an incredulous look before hesitantly peeling the pages apart. It was not reports inside but diary entries, hundreds of personal logs, to her surprise. Most of it was meaningless drabble about Sophia's day, usually about the people she had to deal with in the police.

"I don't understand", Cynthia stated coolly.

"The last entries, idiot. About you and four eyes."

Cynthia flicked through the book, reaching the blank pages and backtracking. She wasn't thrilled to be looking through a dead person's belongings, but she found her curiosity taking hold. She paused on the last pages of writing, scanning the words.

…I don't think I've seen Commander Zoe so involved in scout work since retaking Shiganshina. Probably a good thing, considering the rumours; I'm worried the scouts are losing credibility by the day now that the titans are gone. The only threats now are from the outside, making me wonder why they paired me with the Marely girl for tomorrow. I guess they deemed she wasn't a shifter? Still doesn't explain why she's coming with us, though.

Cynthia flipped to the last entry, feeling sharpness in her chest.

Diary, it makes sense now! This Marely woman – she's just eye candy, the Commander drools over her like a dog. It's a bad look, even if she doesn't seem completely useless. Even now, I'm sitting in the carriage with them; they're whispering to each other. Turns out losing Erwin was an even more significant loss than we first thought – it's turned our new Commander into a puddle around the most mediocre of women. I will admit, though, without this Tempest person, Zoe might have not had this fresh gust of life breathed into them. We might not be doing this survey trip. It might have not gotten me out of my studies for the next couple of weeks. Now, that is something to appreciate.

The words were scathing – burning themselves into Cynthia's mind. She clenched her jaw, pain shooting through her face. She felt empty, the lack of resentment for the writings surprising her. She forgot Levi was standing there, silently waiting for her reaction.

"Thank you for not turning this in. I certainly wouldn't be here if you had," Cynthia eventually said, slamming the book shut with a finalising snap. She looked back up at Levi, still mostly unreadable and dull. First Gideon, now this. Why does he let me get away with these things?

"I should have", he started to say, his mind drifting elsewhere before continuing "… But, I'm not doing it for you."

"You're keeping me around for… Hange?" Cynthia let slip before considering the trepidatious nature of her question. Levi eyed her.

"It's not your business. Just be glad you're not inside a cell," Levi said carefully. He wordlessly turned to leave the gardens after giving the statue behind them another solemn look. Cynthia reached a hand out.

"Wait! I would like to start ODM gear training," Cynthia said firmly, curling her fists in anxiety. Levi was quiet, but Cynthia found she wasn't as nearly as nervous asking about it as she thought she would be - especially since the last time they clashed about it, he handed her ass to her. She straightened her posture when he continued not to speak and cleared her throat.

"I know I was hesitant before. But I'm ready," she asserted.

"Why now?"

"I don't want what happened out there to happen again. It was wrong; what happened to Sophia," Cynthia explained. She watched as a spark of emotion other than annoyance finally crossed the captain's face – astonishment. His answer was just as so.

"No," he said dryly. Cynthia gritted her teeth, befuddled. She wondered if he was testing her resolve.

"Wh – can I ask why?" she asked, keeping her voice level. She had an inkling Levi did not respect one's lack of control over their emotions. He sighed, running a hand through his raven bangs in frustration.

"It is essential you know how to ride a horse. And you're scared of them," he finally said after some thought, surprising Cynthia again.

"Wh – I don't fear them. I respect them," Cynthia said quickly, unable to stop her defensiveness.

"Fear is not a form of respect," Levi said, finally looking at her, "You can't go into the field without a mount. I thought getting you to clean the stables might have helped, but…."

"That one was definitely out to get me," Cynthia joked, recalling the incident he was referring to, "I think I'm right to fear anything that wants to kick me in the head for no reason."

"You scared him", Levi explained, crossing his arms. Cynthia thought it was ironic that Levi would say fear was not the same as respect. Older scouts were clearly intimidated by him. Unless – he didn't actually think they respected him?

"Animals are irrational; what am I supposed to do about it?" Cynthia argued.

"Deal with it," Levi said sternly, "You start horse riding, and we'll start your ODM gear training. Tomorrow"

"Okay, if that's what it takes", Cynthia said.

"We should get back before the board sees you sulking around. We're already suspicious enough," Levi said.

We? Cynthia decided not to question further. Levi was already slowly inching away from her. No –inching away from the statue. It was like he couldn't stand being its presence, unable to look at it straight since they had started speaking.

"You go – I have to deal with this first," she said, flexing the book in her hands before tucking it away in her jacket.

"What are you going to do with it?" Levi asked.

"It's not your problem anymore – like you wanted," Cynthia stated evasively. In truth, she wasn't sure. Not yet. But it made her feel better having it in her hands, being able to claim something was under her control. It was close to addictive.