Chapter 5 Spinner's End

A few days after the movie, Severus finally decided to enact a plan he'd been concocting ever since he'd returned to the Evanses Home. The day he arrived, even the very first night he'd spent in his new room, he had taken an inventory of all the things that had been brought over from his old house to his current one. All of his stuff had been taken—not that he had much to be fair, but still, all of his things had survived the trip from his old home to his new room. What hadn't been brought over was Eileen's old things, her old potion journals as well as her old prince family tomes that she'd kept hidden under some floorboards in her old room. With luck he could sneak out of the house whilst Mark, Violet and the rest were busy, head on over to Spinner's End, get his books and get out without anyone even noticing. Knowing Tobias, he probably spent half his day passed out on the couch with the Telly blaring a football match whilst he slept off the booze. To Severus' knowledge, his father hadn't held a job since he'd lost his last one as a foreman at the local Cokeworth mill a month ago—his supervisor had fired him after one too many occasions of him showing up at work inebriated and late.

During the weekend, the house was far too crowded for him to attempt such a stunt, Mark was home from work, Petunia and Violet usually spent much of their time at home, and when they did go out, Marlene and Lily were the ones staying home much of the time. Severus instead used the weekend as an opportunity to devise a plan in which he would sneak out, return to his old home, get his mum's books, then come back without anyone the wiser. Monday morning would present his first good opportunity to his plan into action, since Mark had returned to work, Violet was in town shopping for groceries, Petunia was at a friend's house, and Lily and Marlene were sleeping in as they usually did on the holidays. So as the clock struck nine on Monday Morning, Severus quietly slipped on his new coat, put on his boots, grabbed his wand, and headed out the front door of the Evans home. If all went according to plan, he'd be in and out of his old home in a matter of minutes, with his mum's precious books in tow. As he walked down the pavement, he smiled to himself thinking that today would be the last time he'd ever have to visit the hellhole that was Spinner's End.

Unfortunately for Severus' sake, he closed the front door a little more loudly than he would have liked, rousing Lily from her slumber. She bolted upright in her bed and yanked the blinds back, flooding the room with light. Marlene hissed angrily at the sudden influx of light assaulting her closed eyelids but Lily paid her friend no mind as she saw Severus close the front gate to their garden and turn left down the pavement that if he kept going…lead to his old home—to Spinner's End. Lily's bleary eyes bulged as she watched him disappear from view around the corner, a few moments later she had leaped out of bed and was rifling through her dresser—trying to find the warmest set of clothes she had. She slipped of her PJs and undergarments, before quickly choosing a new set then donning her warmest sweater and pair of jeans. Once she had finished dressing, she quickly penned a note to Marlene just in case her late-waking friend woke up before she got back. Hopefully I'll be able to reach Sev before he makes it to Spinner's End…why on earth would he want to go back there anyways? Lily zipped up her corduroys, slipped on her boots and left her note for Marlene on her bedside table. She then left the room, dashing down the stairs, and out the front door to chase after Severus.

Several blocks away from 16 Walnut Lane, Severus was walking along a puddle ridden sidewalk with his hands stuffed firmly into his trouser pockets. Thanks to the shopping trip he'd been on with Violet a couple days back, he actually had some warmer clothing on, and for once—he wasn't even feeling cold. His coat didn't have a single hole in it, and it came with more pockets than he knew what to do with it, two of them were currently occupied with warming his hands and they were doing an admirable job. As he walked along the rain soaked pavement, he ran over his plan one more time in his head, to ensure that there wouldn't be a moment's hesitation when the time came. I'll disillusion myself once I'm within the wards…they should still recognize me. Then when I'm invisible, I'll sneak up the stairs to Mum's room, shift aside the floorboard, grab the books and get out. Hopefully that old man will be none the wiser and passed out drunk on the couch.

Severus turned a few more corners, now arriving in the seedier part of Cokeworth as he neared Spinner's End. Unbeknownst to him, Lily was a few blocks behind racing to catch up. She was above average height for her age, but even so, Severus was well above average and his longer strides meant she had to work double time to close the gap to him. Never before had she been so thankful that he'd showed her the way to his house when they were younger, she was practically jogging on autopilot as she navigated the streets of Cokeworth. After another ten minutes of brisk walking, Severus at last had arrived in Spinner's End, specifically, 37 Spinners End, his old home. He pushed aside the rusted, rickety old gate and entered the property feeling the wards his mum had cast so many years ago welcoming him home like an old friend. He sighed at the feeling, he always felt warm and fuzzy whenever walking through his rusted iron gate when he returned home. The longer he was away, the nicer the feeling got, so whenever he returned home from school, that feeling of walking through the wards again was not unlike hugging an old friend after months or years apart.

Don't think about wards now you sentimental sop, you've got a job to do haven't you? Severus cast the disillusionment spell on himself, and after ensuring that he was nothing more than a distortion of light and a faint shimmer in the air, he pushed open the front door as silently as he could manage and crept into his old home. The scent of mothballs, hard liquor and stale food immediately assaulted his nose, the blaring noise of the telly in the back room meeting his ears as it blasted away the results of last night's nationwide slate of football and rugby matches. He kept the door ajar in case he had to make a hasty exit and walked through the dingy hall and up the stairs towards his mother's room. He cringed as he accidentally stepped on the creaky floorboard on one of the steps and silently prayed that his father didn't hear it. The telly was still on full blast and his father's snores still sounded out from the back room so it seemed that he hadn't. Severus Snape thought he was in the clear now, his father seemingly hadn't heard and was still passed out, what he didn't know, was that Tobias Snape's war-trained senses snapped to attention and his bloodshot, unfocused dark brown eyes suddenly opened with the suspicion that there was an intruder in his home.

Severus reached his mother's room and crept quietly along the upper hall, taking extra care to avoid the creaky floorboards that he knew by heart and taking a bit more time than he would have liked but soon enough, he was in his parents' room. He gently pried the loose floorboard out of place and dropped down on his hands and knees to begin bringing books out of the secret cubby and once his arms were full with as many books as he could carry, he gently slid the floorboard back into place and got to his feet. That went well, perhaps I should make a return trip to come back for the rest. The old fool was—wait, is that footsteps? He glanced upwards, his eyes only finding the hulking, furious form of his father as he charged towards him from the doorway. How can he see me? I'm invisi—the books!

"Urghh!" Severus grunted, as his father tackled him to the ground. He felt his collar bone break under the pressure and he released a sharp cry as his father landed on top of him and pinned him to the dusty, rotting floor of his parents' bedroom. His father's immense bulk meant he had no chance of escape, unless he could reach for his wand in his trouser pocket…his hand was ever so close.

"Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my house! You and your kind aren't welcome around here you invisible son of a bitch!" Tobias Snape roared as he rained punch after punch on Severus' invisible, blood splattered face.

Severus twitched his wand, and the charm began to drop, his blood-stained features appearing to his father's eyes as his semi conscious son appeared before him, blood pouring freely from his nose, the beginnings of bruising forming over his left eye, and a large cut on his right cheek.

"Severus?" Tobias' voice was quiet—deathly quiet, as he looked over his heavily bleeding son that was gasping for air with short labored breaths after the onslaught of punches. Severus was breathing raggedly as blood seeped out of his hooked nose, broken once more for the umpteenth time it seemed. "Is that you son? What are you—"

"Expulso," Severus gurgled, pointing his wand at his father's abdomen as the man was sent flying several feet into the air off of him.

Tobias crashed through the doors to his room and fell down the flight of stairs from the sheer force of the spell alone. Severus shakily got to his feet and cast the healing charm, Episkey on his wrist and nose, he'd have to consult another healing tome for his collar bone since he knew Episkey only worked on certain joints(a collar bone not being one of them), he could tolerate the pain for now though. He stuffed his books in a bag—his father's bag— that he found on the floor and left the room. He limped downstairs, his wand held aloft in his dominant hand and the bag slung over his shoulder. With his wand outstretched, he followed the pitiful groans of his father as the man limped over to the couch and flopped down on it.

"Severus," the man growled as he spotted his son limp into the room.

Severus' eyes, so similar to his fathers were utterly dead, devoid of emotion as he directed his wand at a bottle of whiskey on the table. "Diffindo," he muttered, cutting the bottle in half as the auburn liquid within sloshed to the floor in a wave.

"What are you doing?" Tobias roared, his eyes were dark coal black pits that screamed murder. He stood from the couch in an instant, intent on stalking around the table to wring that greasy boy's neck and teach that insolent brat a lesson. He didn't even manage to advance more than two measly steps before he was cowed by Severus' wand pointed right between his eyes. The man eyed the small stick of wood warily and sat back down, wisely keeping his mouth shut since he was well aware of the power that tiny stick could wield in spite of its innocuous appearance.

"Hello father," Severus said softly, yet his tone was tinged with such malice it felt so good to finally express how he felt in front of the man that had ruined his life. "I wasn't planning on talking…or even interacting with you today…but you couldn't leave well enough alone could you?" He asked venomously as his black eyes glittered away with glee. Glee at finally having his old man under his heel and not the other way around. Severus now understood the appeal of his father's drinks—the hard liquor his father loved so dearly swam to the forefront of his mind; since he too was drunk. Not drunk on liquor, but power, the strongest drug known to man and Severus was relishing in the fact that for once, just this one time at least, he was the one with the power, and he wasn't about to waste this once in a life time opportunity.

After all, when had his father wasted an opportunity to beat him or his mother to the brink of unconsciousness, or even well past that point until his ears rang, his nose gushed, and over half a dozen bones were broken as he laid in a crumpled heap on the ground. His mother had always been there to patch him up, to nurse him back to health and take the brunt of Tobias' abuse when she had been alive, but in the end, she chose death as a favorable alternative to life with Tobias.

"I have no desire to kill you, father. But I do want to hurt you—badly, I want you to understand what you did to mum—what you did to me," Severus went on, pacing menacingly with his wand still pointed at his father's chest.

Tobias looked scared, his eyes were wide with fear, and for once, just this once, he knew what it was like to be in Severus' shoes, to feel the imbalance of power flipped on his head. He was the one cowering in terror now, he was the one who was fearing for his life, and Severus' smile broadened as he gleefully took in his father's cowering self.

"You're not allowed t—to use magic outside of school," Tobias stuttered weakly.

"I am not," Severus agreed, nodding his head but still smiling wickedly at him. "But the wards Mum put in place over your home—" he spat the words as if it pained him to even think of it—let alone say it, "—mean any and all magic can be used here and no one at the ministry would know. I could kill you even and no one would find a thing, let alone associate it with me—until the rotting smell of your corpse disturbed the neighbors."

Tobias flinched, sinking further into the couch, but he breathed a sigh of relief as Severus drew up a chair and sat himself down, setting his bag of books down by his side. He turned to face his father, his gaze calculating, but his visage as cool as ice. "She killed herself because of you. Mum thought death was a favorable alternative to living with you. Do you want to know why she thought that?"

Tobias remained silent, glaring at him through his drunken haze but not daring to utter a word in his calmly irate son's presence.

"It's because you're the worst," Severus explained, glaring right back at his father. "You failed to provide for us. You never provided us with what we needed to survive, let alone live a life worth living, and so in the end mother decided to end it all because of you. Because of who you are and what you've done to us, Tobias," he spat.

"It doesn't feel good does it? To feel…powerless, helpless…entirely under someone else's heel silently praying to any and every god out there that you shall be spared from harm. What you're feeling now, father, is how I've felt every day I've lived in this hovel for the past fourteen fucking years, living with you," he growled.

He stood from his chair abruptly, relishing in the fact that Tobias flinched and sank even further into the threadbare cushions of the couch. Severus' smirk widened as he fired a stinging hex at Tobias, the man yelping in surprise as if he had been stung by several bees at once on the abdomen. "Severus, what the bloody hell are you—"

"Langlock," he drawled, using his first ever self-created spell to stick Tobias' tongue to the roof of his mouth.

"If I wanted to hear you speak, I'd ask for it."

He paced around the room a few times, fiddling with his wand all the while. "You know father, mother and I oftentimes discussed running away from here, running away from you—the monster, no…not that, the demon of our lives. It was just talk…of course, ideas that would make us feel better just to think and speak about them, we had nowhere to go. So all this time dreaming of leaving you, escaping you and your drunkenness was just that, a dream—a fantasy. After all, mother cut off her connections with her family for you, she severed all ties with the magical world for you, she even fucking bound her magic so that she could never hurt you! All for you to abuse her, abuse us, beat us within an inch of consciousness so many fucking times, I wouldn't be surprised if I had fucking brain damage you imbecilic bastard of an asshole!" His voice rose higher and higher to the booming crescendo that had his father wincing.

Seeing his father cower, almost allowed a smile to form on Severus' face in spite of his anger, but once again the rage bubbled up within him that overwhelmed his delight at seeing his father finally in his shoes.

"She died because of you!" Severus yelled, not letting up in the slightest, his entire body shaking with barely repressed hatred, the rage and grief coursing through his veins making it difficult to stand still. Every single thought he'd ever felt for his father, almost all of them negative, sat on the tip of his tongue, just begging to be released—to vocalize the thoughts he'd held and hurl them like daggers at the man who had ruined him from the day he first showed his accidental magic. His eyes narrowed into slits, as he opened his mouth once more and he attacked his father once again with the words he felt would cut deepest and give the man just an inkling of the pain he'd given to Severus over years worth of torment. "Mum is dead! Because. Of. You! You bastard! You ruined her! You ruined me! You're not my father and you never were! I hate you!—"

A loud crash, the front door flying open and and loud cry of "Severus!" snapped the boy out of his rage-filled haze. His mission of making his father understand just how terrible it was to have lived under his heel for over a decade was halted by the sight of two shimmering green eyes that looked terrified, not of him—but of what he was capable of doing. Severus paused, his wand lowering slightly as his eyes found Lily's and a sob forced its way past his constricting throat. Seeing those eyes, so vulnerable, and so full of fear, much like his own…he couldn't bear it. He felt a dam break inside him, anger and rage replaced by misery and despair as he sank to his knees, the tears started to fall from his eyes. The silence was suffocating, only broken by the faint sound of a Sports Anchor's voice in the background and the quiet sobs of Severus as he tried to muffle them with his woolen coat sleeve. The relative quiet was broken as he released a loud, gut-wrenching scream of agony, as the sight of his mother hanging lifelessly from the ceiling and the note by her bedside came back to him.

His blurred eyes moved back to his father, who was staring at him confusedly, almost in shock of the sight before him. he had been sure that Severus was going to curse him, perhaps turn him into a frog or something—possibly even kill him at the end of it all, and now…seeing his son break, something snapped within the man. His heart was racing, not because of the alcohol for once, but for an entirely different reason that had to do with the sobbing mess that was his son huddled on the floor in front of him. In spite of the pain from being sent flying down a flight of stairs, his legs carried him off the couch and towards Severus.

"Severus—"

Severus wrenched his gaze upwards from his his hands and screamed; "GET AWAY FROM ME!" his voice was inhuman and demon-like as he glared hatefully at his father. "Don't fucking pretend you care because you don't, you bastard!" He felt his soul catch fire and burn hotter than the sun as he put every scrap of anger that he had, calling on all his rage and grief and torment and directing it towards the man that had ruined his life. That had destroyed him as a child and taken away his one source of protection against the man who was not fit to be a father. Now he wanted to make amends? Well it was too late for that.

Tobias moved towards him undeterred, "Severus, I—"

"I don't want to see you again," he sobbed, his anger falling, crumbling to ashes only to be replaced by sorrow.

"Leave him alone," Lily said shakily, pointing her wand at Severus' father with a trembling arm and quivering lips. She looked to be straddling the fine line between abject fear, and all-consuming rage, quite possibly feeling both of those things as one.

"Listen here—"

"I said leave him alone."

"This is my house, you can't—"

"Get away from him or I'll hex you so badly, even your own mother won't recognize you after I'm done," Lily growled, her voice set but her arm still shaking with fear.

Tobias cursed under his breath but wisely listened to the scared, yet furious redheaded girl as she slowly, warily made her way into the room.

She lowered her wand for a moment as she sank to her knees beside her best friend and enveloped him in a hug. "Sev…we have to go, we can't stay here," she soothed, trying to drag him to his feet.

"L—leave me alone," he sobbed, snot flying from his still-bleeding nose as he tried in vain to stifle his cries.

"No Sev, I won't do that. I can't do that. I've got to help you, Sev," Lily murmured softly, yet fiercely.

Her eyes found Tobias' who was staring at them both with an indiscernible expression on his face, watching the exchange with widened, but blurry eyes. "Help me," Lily said, her eyes moving to the bag that was filled with Eileen's books and tomes. "Get the door and get that bag for me," she ordered.

Tobias, terrified of what they might do otherwise seemed to temporarily snap himself out of his drunkenness and carried the bag to the door and left it wide open for them. Tobias then moved out of the way, just as eager to get away from them as Lily managed to haul her taller friend to his feet, and helped him towards the door. Lily picked up the bag in her free hand and guided him onto the pavement and they set off towards the river. She heard the door slam shut behind them but didn't look back as they walked over to their spot by the river.

They walked along the path towards the river, both silent for their own reasons, Severus in an attempt to tame his out-of-control emotions, and Lily in an effort to not embarrass Severus and give him his space to calm down before speaking to him again. All she did was hold his hand, and provide an ear for him to vent to; she knew that once he'd calmed enough, the deluge of words that had sat dormant inside him would flow free, all that she had to do was be patient and listen. Neither of them spoke a word until they reached their willow tree, Severus silently pushed aside the reeds with one hand, the other, leaving his clasp with Lily to dab at the blood and snot still flowing from his nose with a handkerchief. Lily stayed with him all the while, still silent in understanding, her watery smile and indulgent nod being all that he needed to begin his tale.

With a weary sigh, he tucked the blood-stained handkerchief away in his coat pocket and sank to the base of the tree, his sore back slumping against it tiredly. "I'm sure you're wondering why I returned to Spinner's End today…aren't you Lily?" He asked.

Lily nodded quickly, blinking owlishly at him as she lowered herself to the ground beside him. "The thought had crossed my mind. And I don't think your reason had anything to do with picking a fight with your father but more to do with these books—" she said lightly, trying her best to inject some humor into the situation.

Severus' eyes flickered to the bag of his mother's most precious tomes, the entire reason for his trip, as they sat a few feet away from him. Some of the books contained spells and rituals exclusive to the Prince family, priceless and one of a kind magic that had catapulted the Princes from relative mediocrity to some of the best spell crafters the world had ever seen. Eileen Prince herself had made almost a dozen spells over the course of her life; and her son had inherited her talent with his creation of Langlock, as only a third year and he was well on his way to finishing his second spell, Muffliato. He still had to put the finishing touches on that particular charm.

"I had no intention of confronting my father today…" he said softly, his eyes staring blankly through the bare reeds at the partially frozen river. "I even disillusioned myself so he wouldn't see me. He saw my books though…floating in mid air—of course and assumed I was one of my…mother's bunch—the Princes, stealing his stuff. So he confronted me—and then he…" his voice trailed off, laughing slightly, he shook his head and silenced himself as he shifted away from her, he couldn't bear to let her see him like this, on the verge of going manic and losing it.

Her hand on his coat-covered arm sent a jolt of warmth through his nerves, just her touch was opening him, prying him open for her to see, baring him before her once more. "What did he do Sev? How did he hurt you?" She asked gently.

His heart clenched and he felt tears pool once more in his eyes, that dull ache in his chest returned in full force as images of his mother flashed before his eyes. He couldn't answer her, not when it was so painful to do so, he felt that void in his chest open at the mere thought of recounting his experiences to her—just the thought of telling her was too much. His heart beat painfully in his chest as he shook his head, glancing away from her as he fought a two-pronged battle, resisting the urge to cry—to snivel in front of her again…and to resist the grip she had on his soul that was coaxing him to speak when all he wanted was to curl up in a ball and cry.

"Sev what did he do?" She repeated, she was pleading with him now, begging him to let her in, let her feel the ache that throbbed within his chest—to let her heal him in a way no one else could. Merlin she just knew what she was to him…what she could to him, and it was spurring her on to find his core—his very essence, and heal him.

"I—I can't tell you," he whispered, his voice heavy and choking on emotion. It took every inch of his resolve to hold back the deluge of tears that was building behind his eyes, he couldn't break again, be seen as that sniveling, sobbing mess anymore. With each ragged breath he took, he felt his resolve strengthening—then weakening, ebbing and flowing between the two like the rise and fall of the sea.

"Please Sev. Please tell me. It'll help you," Lily pleaded, each syllable she spoke cut his resolve down bit by bit until it lay in a crumbled pile at his feet—nonexistent in the face of her desperation.

He didn't have the strength to deny her any longer, not when she spoke with such desperation—as if every second of silence from him wounded her. Little by little his resolve turned to ash and her pleading words lead him to throw in the towel, he couldn't deny her request any longer—not when she sounded so hurt and pained by his silence. He could never hurt her. Severus turned to face her, eyes shimmering as the last remnants of his will shifted from holding his tongue in the face of her desperation—to holding his tears in the face of her concern.

He sighed, his breath coming out raggedly as her eyes searched his face, looking him over and seeing the dried blood from his busted nose and the cut he sported on his cheek. Lily reached out, her hand moving to his cheek with a touch so light he felt aflame; she shifted closer, eyes holding his all the while and hugged him. "Y—you don't have to tell me…if it hurts, Sev…I'm sorry for prying, I don't want to hurt you…but my mum always said no one should hold their burdens alone. I d—don't want you to just…let this hurt inside you fester alone. If you need me—"

"He caught me in his room," Severus interrupted, his voice shaky and uncertain. He felt her suck in a breath, shock evident in her frame against his as she silenced herself to let him speak, all she had to do was provide an ear to listen after all.

"I was getting my Mum's books, as I said earlier. He…found me, the books were visible and he—" his voice caught, choking on a loud sob. Lily moved to hug him tighter but a raised hand from him told her to keep her distance. "He beat me…over and over again. I was invisible, b—but my spell dropped…I couldn't sustain it. He stopped…I could barely see him, but I—I could recognize his voice…even though I couldn't see him too clearly. He stopped beating me when he saw who it was."

"And then you defended yourself right?" Lily asked softly, blinking several times to rid herself of the tears that had welled up in her eyes. "Y—you used your magic…but the ministry, won't they—"

"They don't know anything," Severus muttered darkly, "mum put wards up over the house similar to the kind they have at Hogwarts…less strong—much less strong of course, but the trace doesn't work within them."

"That's why you hexed him then," she reasoned, sliding closer to him again. She took his hand in hers, ran her thumb over his fingers.

"I didn't just want to hex him. I was…drunk on power, finally being in my father's position, with him in mine…I wanted to hurt him…possibly even kill him," he confessed, ashamed of himself now. "I don't know what I would have done, had you not come. Something far worse than a bloody stinging hex, I'd think."

For a moment, Lily considered snapping at him, whacking her best friend upside the head to knock some sense into him. How could you even consider those things Sev? You're not a bad person! How could you even think of killing him! Her eyes had narrowed, her tongue reared back, ready to strike; but then images flashed before her eyes, Sev, broken and battered in the aftermath of one of his father's beatings…waking up in a cold sweat, screaming bloody murder after a nightmare during a sleep-over, bawling his eyes out when his mother had passed on—losing his last line of defense against his evil father.

I'm a fucking hypocrite, I would've wanted to kill him too if I were in Sev's shoes. I can't possibly fault you Sev…I would have wished the same.

"You're really brave, Sev," Lily murmured, running her hands through her friend's hair as he hunched in on himself.

He yanked his gaze up from the dead grass beneath their feet, eyes searching hers—hunting for the slightest shred of insincerity. He couldn't find any. "I'm not brave, I'm a coward, I couldn't stop him from killing my mother, I wasn't even brave enough to curse him! Let alone kill him!" Severus shouted, he was in hysterics, his quick-to-anger nature rapidly replacing his sorrow and misery.

"It wouldn't take a brave man to curse your father, Sev. It takes a vengeful man to do something like that. You're not vengeful, nor are you like your father, Sev," Lily explained soothingly. "A brave man wouldn't sink to the depths they have been treated for the sake of turnabout. You rose above your father, showed him who is superior today. To me Sev, you're not a coward, a coward would have beaten your father, giving in to their desires and exact vengeance…you are brave for not doing that, for resisting it and showing your father just how much better than him you are."

"I have a lot of brave people in my life. being a Gryffindor—a Lion and all that…it's to be expected though isn't it?" Lily asked, smiling slightly at the thought, "but you're braver Sev. A full head and shoulders braver than anyone else I've ever known. Ironic, right? The bravest person I've ever met isn't a Gryffindor, but a Slytherin."

"I doubt real brave people break down and snivel and cry…I'm not brave, Lily. I'm not brave at all. I may not be a coward but I don't deserve to be called the bravest person you—"

"That's simply not true Sev," Lily interrupted gently. "Brave people cry all the time. My father's cried, and besides you Sev, he's probably the second most courageous person I know. It's okay to cry sometimes, it only makes you human, Sev."

His resolve began crumbling in the face of the brute honesty of her words. He tried, he hunted and searched for even the slightest hint of mockery or insincerity, but try as he might, he found none, not a scrap of a lie, all he saw was his beautiful, radiant Lily telling him it was alright to bare his soul, telling him it was alright to break and release his misery, she told him it was alright to cry, to lose himself in his sorrows and that she would be here all the while, holding him as he did.

He sat on a razor's edge, his tears were already welling up, but his eyes had shut, unable to look at the red haloed angel in front of him any more, he knew he would break if he looked at her indulgent, sincerely smiling face for even a second longer. His entire being sat on a precipice, caught between maintaining his frigid exterior, manning up and ridding his tears with the wipe of a sleeve; or an equally enticing option of finally letting himself go, and stop resisting the flood of misery that was itching to free itself.

In the end, it was Lily who made his decision for him, she slid closer and hugged her friend tightly, arms winding around him to rub his back that was rigid with tension. "It's alright Sev, I'll always be here—I'll always be your friend. It's okay to cry, I'll be right here with you, Sev."

Lily spoke with such certainty and assuredness, Severus couldn't help but believe her. He searched her face, replayed her words over and over again in his head, but he couldn't find a single scrap of mockery, or uncertainty, or even hyperbole. He felt that familiar feeling of emotion bubbling up within him, but instead of rage, he felt grief, all-consuming sorrow and misery. Lily pulled back from their hug, her green eyes wide open and boring tunnels straight through his walls and into his soul, that was all it took for the dam to burst. Severus made a noise half-way between a cry and a sob, tears welling up in his eyes in a matter of seconds before bursting free and carving tracks down his pallid cheeks. The wail that gurgled his way past his lips was nothing short of gut-wrenching and Lily winced at the sharp increase in volume. In mere seconds, she'd enveloped him, hugging him tightly—fiercely even as Severus fell apart, breaking down and finally baring his misery for the world to see.

Tears continued to flow from his eyes, but they weren't tears for himself—he never was that big on self-pity anyways. He cried for his mother, the woman who had birthed him, protected him for years from the drunken rampages of his father, the woman who bound her magic to never retaliate against her husband no matter of the circumstances, the woman who had chosen to die—death being a favorable alternative to living under the same roof as that monster. Severus at least had Lily, he had a friend that sympathized with him, lent an ear whenever he wanted to talk, and never failed to comfort him in the aftermath of a beating from Tobias; Lily was always there to help him without fail. His mother had no one. Sometimes he'd escape and spend the weekend at the Evanses, but for his mother, there was no respite—no escaping the monster that was Tobias and the fact that she had lived miserably, died a horrible death to escape a fate some might consider worse than death cleaved his heart in two.

He cried because he wasn't strong enough, he was too weak—pathetic, too much of a sniveling coward to stop his father from destroying everything he held dear…he couldn't even save his mother. What did that make him? He'd be lying if he said he hadn't considered joining her on more than a few occasions. As he shook and cried, he barely took notice of the fact that Lily had shifted closer to him yet again, he hardly even felt her arms wind around him, one hand stroking his hair as she laid his head on her shoulder, her other hand stroked his back, rubbing circles to relieve it of tension. She murmured soothing words in his ear, holding him close—physically and in spirit, trying to find him—find Severus' essence, his core amidst a roiling storm of misery, anger, sorrow and rage. In the middle of that storm, she found a rock, small, but immovable. No matter how the wind howled or the seas rocked, that rock remained still, an anchor for Severus; she clung tightly to it, holding on and never wanting to let go again. In the end, that rock represented the crux of who Severus was; immovable and sure, not relenting against the storm that battered away everything else.

Lily felt a surge of grief—raw, all-consuming grief surge through her, his pain became theirs, his misery was now theirs to share as well. She felt it crash over her like a wave, inundating every fiber of her being—she felt so in-tune with him, more than she'd ever been before. She felt his soul laid bare before her, finally coaxed out of its self-built, impenetrable shell and releasing all its pent-up grief, accrued over years of abuse directed at him and his mother. She wanted to cry. Cry for all the hurt he'd suffered, all the things he'd lost—or never had to begin with; all thanks to his no-good rotten father she swore she'd kill if she ever saw again. And so she did. Her tears joined his, drenching his coat as she gripped him even tighter—seemingly never wanting to let go again. The words that spilled from her trembling lips may have seemed like nonsense to any passerby, mumbo-jumbo that held no meaning, nor any hidden significance. To Severus, they meant so much more, it meant she understood now beyond a shadow of a doubt all that he'd gone through; and she hadn't run away repulsed, she stayed, and that meant the world to him.

When his tears had dried, this time it was Severus hauling Lily to her feet, his arm supporting her shaking frame. He'd stopped crying, but her tears continued to fall, dripping down her cheeks as she cried for him. It pained him to see her like this, but he did the best he could to return the favor, assuring her that he was alright, that she needn't cry—not for him. She'd seen him bare, the very essence of his being with all his layers gone and thrown to the wind. Despite being terrified of what lay in the midst of it all—the roiling storm that was Severus; she couldn't help but feel as if losing him—losing that grasp she held onto Severus would destroy her as much as it would destroy him. Because in spite of it all, in spite of the pain, suffering and misery she felt wash over her in waves, when she finally reached his beautiful core; forcing her way through the storm to reach the eye of calm in the middle of Severus' perturbed soul; she felt warmth unlike any other. It was like fighting through a hurricane, only to arrive on a balmy, breezy beach on the shores of some tropical island. Lily never wanted to leave that toasty warmth, and as Severus held her tightly, holding her upright and helping her along, in a similar manner to how she'd helped him; she realized that he didn't want her to leave either.

A/N: Wow this chapter was a doozy to write, I hope I nailed the balance between sympathetic, miserable Severus and angry, I-want-to-kill-you Severus. Although I think I probably leaned to the soppy side a bit more than I should have, lol. So ends the saga of Severus' interaction with Tobias, I felt some closure was needed in terms of their relationship, and he definitely needed to exact a little vengeance for what happened to Eileen. Will this incident be a turning point for Tobias? I like to think so and that he'll finally get his act together.

To my most recent guest reviewer you're absolutely right! Seb Vettel is my favorite driver, I've been supporting him since his 2008 Monza win in the rain. What an absolute masterclass that race was. Pierre Gasly is my favorite of the new generation though. I guess you could say I'm a fan of Toro Rosso Drivers whenever they win at Monza? Watching Monaco, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous watching them go wheel to wheel up Beau Rivage.