Chapter 2

(Flashback)-The hours before

Reid woke up to the piercing sound of his alarm clock ringing at 6:47 am. Time to start another day.

He was tired and aching. His body hurt and he had a God-awful hangover. He felt like crap and he knew he was crap. He really wanted to die sometimes. No, not sometimes. Every minute of every day. The worst part was no one, not even his team cared. No, that was wrong. He was weak. It wasn't their fault, it was his. Why would anyone care? He had caused this. With his weirdness. His feelings. Just being himself. He was a freak to put it simply. It was his fault everyone abandoned him, not theirs.

With these harsh thoughts full of self-hatred in mind, he stumbled into the bathroom. He fumbled on the wall feeling for the switch flipping it on. Cold surgical white light flooded the room. He looked like hell he observed looking into the mirror. Dark bags beneath his eyes, short messy tangled hair, pale skin not unlike vampires. He turned on the shower pulling off his clothes. He stepped under the spray of the water. As the water rushed over him he picked up the silver blade that lay next to the bar of soap.

Placing the blade on his shoulder, dragging it across. Hard. The crimson blood that had been drawn forth drew his eyes towards it hypnotizing he watched as the blood swelled only to be washed away. Again and again, until there was no clear spot to cut on that piece of skin. Then he stopped putting down the blade, his legs and wrists were both full of scabs not yet healed completely. He'd have to find a new place tomorrow until the cuts he had at the moment healed more. If there was a tomorrow. He finished his shower, stepping out blood still pooling in the cuts.

7:09- 51 minutes until he should arrive at work. One hour before everyone else arrived. Excluding Hotch, he got there around 7:45-8:15.

He wiped the blood away again rubbing isopropyl alcohol rubbing it across the cuts. Hissing at the coolness of the liquid and the sting that was left in the wake of the alcohol. After applying pressure on the cuts for a few minutes he took the now bloodstained towel away. He gently washed the dried blood off of his skin before wrapping his arm with gauze and medical tape.

7:21- 39 more minutes before he had to be at work. He brushed his teeth and quickly pulled on his long-sleeved button-up shirt and sweater. He hadn't worn a sweater vest in almost a year since he learned that long-sleeved shirts can roll up fairly quickly. He finished dressing and quickly checked the bandages for blood, grabbed an apple, and walked out the door.

7:28- 32 more minutes left. He walked to the cafe on the corner ordering a coffee. No sugar. Why would he deserve such a simple pleasure like that?

7:38- 22 minutes left. He started walking back to his apartment building. Coffee in hand. Winter chill in the air and an ache in his bones.

7:47- 13 minutes until 8:00. 60 minutes since the shrieking alarm went off. He got into his car and began eating his apple as he began the drive that averaged 9-minutes.

7:56- 4 minutes. Traffic. He hated traffic. At this time of the year usually, there was little to no traffic. He just wanted to get his work done and pray there was no case today. A case meant the possibility of sharing a room. Sharing a room meant no privacy. No privacy meant being unable to take his feelings out on his body with his blade.

8:03- 3 minutes past 8:00. He walked through the building greeting the receptionist. A smile on his face that he would be unable to drop until 5:00. 9 hours he could get through this.

He sat at his desk. Paperwork from the last case overtook the drawers along with the surface-level paperwork. He got to work.

8:42- 18 minutes until others would start arriving. ¾ of his pile was now gone and everyone else was almost spilling off their desks. He stood quickly going through Morgan's and Emily's piles. Pulling out about 40 more files in total. He went back to working on his pile higher than everyone else's pile.

8:54- 6 minutes till 9 am. Garcia and JJ carpooled to work because JJ's car was in the shop. It was funny the last time he'd been around her car Nathan Harris had tried to kill himself and now he knew how it felt to view yourself as a monster and want to end it. But Nathan had had somewhere there for him, Reid. Reid had no one. Life had never been kind to him. He resumed his files.

8:58- 2 minutes early. Rossi arrived stepping into the break room for a coffee before heading into his office.

9:01- 1 minute after 9. Emily came in sitting at her desk across from him.

9:05- 5 minutes late. Morgan walked in nursing a hangover but a smirk on his face most likely from successful late-night activities. He headed to his office.