Chapter 9

Emily was pacing the floor. Her maroon pants swished against her legs. 10 minutes into the wait for JJ and she became restless.

A frazzled blonde ran into the waiting room. Her eyes searched before making contact with the brunette.

She sat down in the chair holding Emily's purse. Emily walked over and sat down.

JJ's eyes searched hers for a clue

"Why's Spence in the hospital?"

"He-" Emily didn't know if she could say it again. The words sounded so weird in the same sentence with Reid.

"Reid attempted suicide." Emily looked at JJ for her reaction.

Shock, anger, sadness, pain echoed across her face.

"How?" The small word held so many emotions.

"He slit his wrists and took a bottle of pills."

"Why don' want the rest of the team to know?"

"Hotch would have to report it, the whole team would be riddled with guilt unable to function, they would crowd Reid and that wouldn't help that can make it worse. He needs some peace. I won't be able to watch him the whole time, I need someone else there for him. The rest of the team won't be able to not freak out except for Hotch."

JJ nodded her head in understanding. "I can help with watching him. How are you getting him out of work?"

"Medical emergency with his mom, Hotch should understand and give him at least a week off. The time won't solve everything but it will help him collect himself. Over the weekend he'll be on suicide watch at the hospital."

JJ took a deep breath. "You're going to have to tell the team eventually."

"Yeah."

Emily looked around the room. People waiting for news about family and friends. Anxious.

"They deserve to know what happens. But they're going to act like he's a fragile person, while people have to not degrade him. Walking on eggshells can make him feel worse."

JJ stared Emily in the eye. "How do you know so much about how to feel on Reid's side?"

Emily looked at her shoes, pulling her sleeves up. JJ looked at the faded stripes that were now hard to see. "How long ago was it?"

"I did it from 15 to 19, I've been clean for about 20 years. While me helping him would be good I could start getting tempted to cut again leaving us both at the bottom of the mountain." JJ drew Emily into a hug.

"I'll tell the team after he gets some stability."

"That's a good idea. Was there a suicide note?"

"I didn't even think to check. I'll look after we get some news."

"Ok."

They sat in their chairs waiting for the news be it good or bad.

"Spencer Reid." A doctor called into the waiting room.

The two women walked over to the man.

"You're here for Spencer Reid?" The man asked.

They nodded. "We had some problems getting into contact with Jason Gideon, his emergency contact."

Why was Reid's contact still Gideon?

"Gideon left 3 years ago, he told us not to find him and he changed his numbers."

The doctor nodded a look of perplexity on it. "Do you have a number we can use until he can pick one?"

His mom's sick. Hotch couldn't know yet. His friend lived in New Orleans.

"My number should be fine until he can change his."

"Ok, Mr. Reid is stable now. We had to give him 223 stitches and we pumped his stomach. We have him on 72 hour suicide watch, he's unconsious at the moment you can go see him in about an hour."

"Thank you," JJ led Emily back to their chairs.

"I'm going to find the suicide nore, Call me when we can see him."

JJ nodded, sitting down. Deep in thought. How had it gotten so far without them noticing?

Emily walked out the doors of the hospital. Realizing she had ridden in the ambulance with Reid she had no car.

She waited on a cold metal bench under a grey sky waiting for the Uber to arrive.

10 minutes after she called for it the black car drove up. She boarded the car telling the driver Reid's address.

She stepped out of the car. She entered the apartment building much more calmly than last time.

She went to his apartment thankful the door was still cracked open and no one had gone in.

She walked into the living room and remembered seeing a thick stack of papers in the bedroom.

She walked to the desk in the bedroom slipping the papers into her purse. Planning on leaving to go back to the hospital she left the bedroom passing the bloody bathroom.

That wouldn't do. When it was safe for him to come home and live alone, he couldn't come home to that.

She shedded her arms of her jacket, rolled up her sleeves and grabbed a bucket of soapy water, a rag and a scrub brush. Dipping the rag into the liquid mixture.

She knelt to the ground scrubbing at the dried blood. A watered down red color surrounding her. She quickly rubbed the blood off the walls and then grabbed a mop. She quickly mopped up the coppery liquid before bleaching the room to get rid of the metallic scent. She ended the cleaning by opening the window to air out the room.

Satisfied, she began to walk around the apartment. She saw photos of the team. From years ago, some had Elle, Gideon even the people who had died in the Boston Bomber incident. A smile on their faces. A smile that was so rare to see on Reid's face nowadays.

That smile was gone. She had hardly even noticed until she looked back. How had she missed this? There were so many signs. So many obvious signs of the battle going on in his head.

She wasn't fit to be called a profiler. She wasn't fit to be called his friend.

She looked at the small apartment. It was dark. It was cozy and messy. It was suffocating. It was his home. She sat down on his couch.

What was he thinking when he sat here? Is this where he decided he wanted to end his life?

She shook the thoughts from her head, going through her purse looking for the letter to her from Reid.

She withdrew the white paper with a shaky breath. She carefully unfolded the paper.

Dear Emily,

I want to thank you. Thank You for uplifting my spirits today, it made me happier than I have been in a while. I'm sorry to say it wasn't enough to stop me from doing this. It was coming for a while. I just couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much. I couldn't take people forgetting that I was a human too. I was a person too. I'm just a human. I hurt. I bleed. I break. I feel. It was too much. Nothing would have changed my mind at that point. It's selfish of me, I know. Killing myself was selfish leaving people to deal with what I left behind. I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed someone to notice. To notice I was hurting and slowly breaking. I needed a rock and didn't even have a pebble. You all had your own troubles. Your own problems going on, I understand why you didn't notice. I just wished someone did, but at the end of the day I'm worthless no one needs me. I've been working and trying so hard. Since I was 13. I'm sorry for how I acted when you first came to the team. It was unfair to you. You were like a big sister to me.

You guys will move on, you always do.

With Love,

Reid

A tear slid down her cheek. We all need you Reid. You're our rock all we never returned the favor. You're always there for us. We're never there for you.

You guys will move on, you always do. What does that mean?

Leaving the team and dying were so different. Nothing Reid ever did was selfish, he was the most selfless person she knew.

His self esteem was so low, and no one had noticed. They were all terrible friends. Reid was the most perfect person and he slipped and fell and had no one there to help him get back up. He fought his way up and tried to stay up. And maybe sometimes there was a hand that almost reached him. But then he ripped and fell again. And again. Continuously.

He thought of her as his big sister and she left him there to drown.

She needed help, JJ couldn't be the only person to help. Ethan, Reid's friend could help. She ealked over to Reid's messenger bag pulling put his phone.

She found the number and called it.

"Hello Spencer?"

"Hi is this Ethan?"

"Um, yeah. Who are you?"

"Emily Prentiss. I work with Reid."

"Is everything ok?"

"Rei- Spencer tried to commit suicide."

Silence.

"Are you still there?"

"Yeah. Just shocked. I'll take the next flight out."

"Ok. We're at George Washington University Hospital. Only me and JJ know, I didn't want the team to crowd him when he gets up."

"Ok, Umm I should be in tomorrow around 12"

"Ok, Umm see you."

"Bye." She hung up.

39 minutes. She had to get back to the hospital if she wanted to be there to see Reid. She grabbed his messenger bag carrying it outside.

She called another Uber waiting 7 minutes for it to arrive before heading back to the hospital.

She stepped out of the elevator sitting next to JJ.

"I called Reid's friend Ethan, he is going to come tomorrow. He can watch him for the majority of the time for a few weeks since he won't have a job like us."

JJ nodded "that was a good idea."

Emily looked at her. "How are you doing?"

JJ broke down. "How did we never notice the trouble he was having? How are we, such bad friends? We were never there for him."

Emily nodded, pulling JJ into a hug grabbing a tissue to wipe her tears away.

"They'll let us in to see Reid soon. We need to be strong for him. When we get out I'll give you the note from him."

"There was a note."

Emily shook her head. "11. One for me, you and Henry, Garcia, Ethan, his mom, Hotch, Gideon, Elle, Morgan, Rossi, and one for Seaver."

JJ wiped away more tears, smoothing her face. They sat in silence, waiting. The same nurse came up to them.

"You can go see him now. Room 206. He's not awake yet, if he wakes up call for the nurse so we can set him up to talk to the therapist."

They both nodded in understanding walking off to the room.

(A/N the next chapter will be posted late Friday night or Saturday)