Chapter Thirteen: Act III, Scene III: Instinct
A/N: Mentions of sex and internalised homophobia. Next chapter might be a bit of a tear-jerker, so just be ready for that.
Whilst Mitchell hadn't made a scene of Mariam and Claudia beating him up, apparently it hadn't gone unnoticed. Beth's door was flung open at some ungodly hour of the morning, and she blinked and shielded her eyes, noting Thomas's unimpressed form in the doorway. She groaned and rubbed her eyes.
"What time is it?"
"Do you want to explain to me what happened last night?" Thomas demanded, arms folded across his chest.
"What?" Beth's mind whirred to catch up for a moment, before it clicked and she sighed. "Oh."
"I don't think 'oh' covers it." Thomas closed the door and leaned against it. He didn't look angry exactly, but he did look confused. "Watching Mariam and Claudia beat Mitchell up? Really, Beth?"
"I don't want to talk about this." Beth's voice was flat. If she engaged in this conversation, it would go down an unpleasant path. Thomas didn't seem to have heard the rumours about the Quidditch World Cup, or at least he hadn't mentioned it if he had. She could only will him to drop the subject, but he didn't seem to be budging.
"Well, we're talking about it." Thomas's eyes narrowed as Beth eased herself out of bed. "This isn't like you. He's a Death Eater, you know that."
"Like you?" Beth sniped back.
Thomas's jaw clenched. She had the feeling that whatever had prompted Thomas to take the Dark Mark, it wasn't simple. Perhaps he had his secrets, too. Did he kiss boys in secret like she had with Mariam? What was Thomas hiding behind the grimness in his blue eyes?
"So what, you're happy to stand by and let your friends act like Muggles? You just think you can take on whoever you want, and it's got no consequences…"
"Because he fucking raped me, Thomas!"
The words ripped free from her throat, slicing like knives. She had never said it aloud. Phoenix had correctly guessed what had happened at the Quidditch World Cup, but Beth had never put a name to it, not to anyone else, not even Regulus. But that had been what happened, and she was sick to death of trying to find a delicate way to put something so awful.
"What?" The single syllable was a cracked word, horror lighting up Thomas's blue eyes as he examined his younger sister.
Beth stood with her body rigid, hands balled into fists and shoulders tensed. She didn't want to cry, Merlin's beard, she'd cried enough. But seeing the heartbroken way her big brother looked at her was enough to make tears well in her eyes and spill thick and fast down her cheeks. Despite them, she licked her lips and spoke again.
"He raped me." It was easier to say the second time, almost cathartic. "At the Quidditch World Cup."
Tears welled in Thomas's eyes as he processed that, and she didn't think she could stand it if her older brother cried. He might be a Death Eater, he might not be as close to her as she could hope for, but he still cared about her. He blinked and the tears fell, which only made Beth press her hands over her mouth to suppress a sob.
"I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse with anguish. "Beth, I'm so sorry."
Beth's knees collapsed and she sat heavily on the edge of her bed, burying her face in her hands. She couldn't look at Thomas, not now that he knew the truth. The pity in his expression wrenched at her heart. The bed sank as Thomas sat down beside her, draping an arm around her shoulders and holding her close. It took a few moments for her sobs to subside.
What Mitchell had done was no longer a raw, open wound. It was half-healed, something she kept picking at to see if it still bled. And it did. She kept people like Regulus and Mariam at arm's length, scared of letting anyone get too close to her. She no longer thought she was broken, but she did think she was a disaster.
"Please don't say anything." Beth shook her head fervently. "There's been enough drama around it. I just want it to go away, Thomas. I just want to forget it, and it's so hard when everyone keeps digging it up."
"Okay." Thomas's voice was barely above a whisper, and he slipped his hand into Beth's. "But if you ever need to talk to me, I'm here. I want you to know that I'm not alone."
After it had happened, Beth had been certain she would be alone. Now, months later with the boy she loved, the girl she'd kissed, her best friend and her older brother on her side, Beth was beginning to realise that maybe she wasn't. She didn't have to keep falling anymore, not when there were people to catch her.
Beth was late to Evan and Phoenix's New Year's party, mostly because she hadn't been certain whether she wanted to go at all. The idea of seeing Mitchell again after what had happened at the function was terrifying, but she donned eyeliner like it was war paint, slipped into her favourite black pants and a button-down cream shirt, and headed over with her head held high. She tried to emulate Phoenix, and the effortless confidence her best friend exuded.
It was only an hour before midnight that she arrived, and although Phoenix was talking outside with Regulus, Lorna immediately swooped in upon seeing her. She shrieked in excitement and threw her arms around Beth's, and Beth was assailed by the strong scent of bergamot. Isaac Mulciber wasn't far behind, and when Lorna drew back, she held out her hand for Beth to see a ring flashing on her finger.
"Is that…?" Beth glanced between Lorna and Isaac. When Lorna squeaked and clapped her hands in excitement, Beth forced a smile. "Congratulations, Lorna."
It was so different to the way Phoenix had reacted to her own engagement. Across the room, Beth noticed Evan talking animatedly with Barty Crouch Jnr, a member of the Slytherin Quidditch team who was in the year below Beth at Hogwarts. He was laughing as though Evan had said something hilarious, though Beth couldn't ever remember Evan being funny in his life.
"We'll get married once I finish Hogwarts." Lorna's voice drew Beth back to her friend. "Isn't it exciting?"
"Very," Beth lied. She personally didn't understand the hype surrounding marriage. Sure, she enjoyed attending the weddings of her friends, but it was just something that didn't appeal to her. Not that Beth was exactly fending off proposals, for which she felt immense relief. She spotted Phoenix returning inside, a slight wobble in her step indicating she was probably tipsy if not drunk.
"Beth!" Phoenix flashed a dazzling smile as she spotted the blonde, snatching up a bottle of rum as she crossed over. "I wasn't sure if you'd come."
Beth arched an eyebrow. Phoenix was looking stunning, as always, in a glittering red dress with a slit up the side and a plunging neckline. Beth supposed if she had boobs like Phoenix, she'd wear dresses like that, too. There was a wicked gleam in her grey eyes as she took a swig of the rum.
"How much have you had to drink?"
"Not enough." Phoenix laughed. Beth had noticed her best friend had been drinking more since she'd been married to Evan. They'd always drank at parties, but now it was like Phoenix intended to get absolutely sloshed. Still, her speech wasn't slurred and she was coherent, so she was probably leaning toward tipsy at this point.
"Who's responsible for the playlist?" Beth asked, noting that the house was resonating with the sound of fast-paced music fit for a party.
"Me." Phoenix shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the bottle of rum in her hand. "I was thinking of dancing."
"Okay." Beth nodded slowly, before she noticed that Phoenix had headed over to the table in the centre of the room. She couldn't help but grimace, feeling as though she was in for a spectacle. "Phoenix, wait."
"What?" Phoenix scoffed, sliding up onto the table and easing herself to her feet. She cocked her hip and looked imperiously down at Beth. "Are you coming up?"
"Dancing on the table?" Beth asked. They'd done it before, but that had been when they'd been kids who weren't involved in a war. Before Phoenix's wedding, before the Quidditch World Cup. It seemed like a lifetime ago now.
"Mhm." Phoenix swayed her hips to the beat, and Beth felt a flash of desire race through her before she firmly pushed it away. Phoenix was her married best friend. Nothing was ever going to happen between them. Still, it didn't stop Beth from thinking Phoenix was hot, more the resurfacing of an old attraction than a current crush.
"What are you doing?" Evan crossed over, a scowl across his handsome face as he looked up at his wife. Barty was hot on his heels, eyes wide with curiosity. "Get down. You're embarrassing yourself."
"Oh, I'm having fun." Phoenix glared down at Evan, expression annoyed. "Stop being such a little bitch."
Evan's eyes flared with anger, jaw clenching. He caught hold of Phoenix's waist and lifted her down from the table, setting her down on her feet in front of him. Beth couldn't help but tense. She hated it whenever Phoenix and Evan bickered, although she supposed she should be used to it by now. There was frequent animosity between the couple.
"You can have fun without causing a scene."
"What is your problem?" Phoenix demanded, turning to march off. However Evan caught a hold of her wrist, tugging her back to him before leading her across to the staircase, presumably to have an argument that wasn't quite so public. Beth watched them go, trepidation whirling deep in her stomach. Barty's mouth had pressed into a thin line, a frown across his face as he observed the pair arguing.
"I know she's your best friend, but Phoenix can be such a pain in the ass."
Beth's eyebrows flew upward. "Excuse me?"
Barty shrugged his shoulders. "I just think he could do better than that stuck-up little bitch."
Beth burned with indignation. She knew that Phoenix wasn't always easy to get along with if you got on her bad side, but Barty's words were callous. Something lingered on her mind, Barty always on the edge of the group of Slytherins, always hanging around Evan. Beth made a noise of contempt, making him glance sharply at her.
"Are you saying that because you think it's true, or because you have a crush on him?"
Barty's cheeks burned red and his eyes widened. "What the fuck?"
"I'm not stupid." Beth tossed her blonde hair back. "You can think whatever you want of Phoenix, but Evan is as straight as they come. He's never going to be into you, so you may as well flush that pipe dream down the drain."
"I'm not gay," Barty snapped, his ire only serving to reinforce her belief that she was right, "Some people can just see past this whole 'Phoenix is gorgeous' bullshit that everyone seems to put out there."
"I mean, she is. You'd have to be blind to think otherwise. Same way that Evan is good-looking. Don't you think so?"
"You're a bitch," Barty snarled, a nerve twitching in his cheek, his anger a stark contrast to Beth's cool indifference, "No wonder you were so eager to get your hands all over Mitchell. He's about the only person who'd want you."
Beth's wand was in her hand in an instant, and Barty yelped as she pressed the tip of her wand hard against his collarbone. She wasn't about to let some snobby kid in denial about his sexuality dig in the verbal barbs.
Panic flashed in Barty's eyes. "You wouldn't dare."
"Maybe, maybe not." Beth's smile was icy as she dug the tip of her wand in harder. "But I'm eighteen, Barty. You're still sixteen, aren't you? You aren't of age. Which means only one of us can do magic outside of school without risking expulsion. Do you want to guess which one of us that is?"
"Psycho." Barty wrenched away from her and stalked off, and the tension left Beth's body in a rush. She glanced back over toward the staircase, but Phoenix and Evan had disappeared.
"What did you do to scare him?" Regulus's amused voice came from behind her, and Beth noticed he was watching Barty march across the room to get a drink.
"Oh, you know." Beth couldn't help but smile. "I'm just a naturally scary person."
"It's good to see you." Regulus kissed her cheek, and Beth couldn't help but blush. Even though she knew what he'd done in the Forbidden Forest with Evan and the others, she hadn't been able to completely get over her feelings for him. She noticed that he was looking more tired than usual, dark circles under his eyes and a weariness in his smile. Since she wouldn't want anyone to comment if that was the truth about her, she didn't go digging.
"You too. Phoenix and Evan seem to have vanished."
"They're a bit tense." Regulus didn't seem perturbed, and in truth neither was Beth. The couple were usually tense. It was nothing new. Perhaps their argument had reached the sort of volume where they'd had to take things upstairs to avoid causing a scene. Phoenix wouldn't have cared, but Evan was more mindful of his reputation.
"How have you been?" Beth nudged him in the side.
"Just busy." Regulus heaved a sigh, raking his fingers through his hair, a shadow crossing his face. "Death Eater business mostly. It's been taking up a lot of my time over the holidays, and I haven't seen as many people as I've liked."
"Well, good thing you've got them all here in one place," Beth said, making a grin spread across Regulus's lips. Merlin, she loved that smile, and she loved when she was the one who prompted it in him.
"Did you want to go upstairs?" Regulus asked, pausing when Beth lapsed into silence. "Oh. Not for like...I just know parties aren't always your scene. Phoenix let me stay in one of the guest rooms. I've got some Dragon Barrel Brandy."
"Sounds good." Beth linked her arm through hers, grateful for the chance to spend some more time with him and relieved that she could leave the hubbub of the party. The whole downstairs must have been enchanted to be soundproof, because once Beth and Regulus ascended the stairs, they couldn't hear anything.
As Regulus led Beth down the hall, she heard a sharp gasp from one of the rooms and frowned. The door was ajar and she peered through and immediately wished that she hadn't. Phoenix was sprawled on the bed with her red dress hitched up around her waist and her head tilted back. Evan was on top of her, lips pressing down her neck, the movement of his hips making it clear exactly what was going on.
Cheeks burning, Beth lurched back from the door and collided with Regulus, who steadied her.
"You okay?"
"Phoenix and Evan." Beth wrinkled her nose. "They're having sex."
"Disgusting." Regulus pulled a face, continuing down the hall and opening the door to one of the guest rooms, ushering her inside. Beth headed inside, her heart hammering in her chest as he closed the door behind them. There were some things she never wanted to see, and that was definitely one of them. It seemed weird to her, that they'd been arguing half an hour before and now they were shagging. She guessed that fucking was probably how they solved their problems.
The silence was a pleasant respite from the noise of the party, and though the brandy burned its way down Beth's throat, she felt safe with Regulus. It was probably the most relaxed she'd been at a social event since the Quidditch World Cup. She rested her head on his shoulder, and Regulus sighed deeply.
"What are we doing, Beth?"
"Drinking brandy?"
"No." He was quiet for a moment. "I mean, we keep pretending like we're happy being friends, but I think both of us want it to be something more."
"Then why can't it be?" Beth raised her head, the brandy in her system giving her boldness. "I don't understand how you can push me away but you still want to be with me."
"I guess I thought...after what happened…"
Beth sighed. It was true that she had been the one who had wanted space after the Quidditch World Cup, so she couldn't fault Regulus for that. Yet she refused to be defined by that one night. She was more than her shattered pieces. In her heart, she knew her feelings for Regulus hadn't changed.
"I'm doing something important." Regulus's voice was soft, fingers drumming against the bottle of brandy. "I can't say what. But once it's over, I'd like to try again. I know I don't deserve another chance…"
"I want that, too." Beth reached across and placed a hand over his, stilling his nervous fidgeting. "I know you have a lot on your plate, though."
Regulus smiled tightly, but it didn't reach his eyes. Despite the jokes he'd cracked tonight, the lightness of his words, Beth realised that his eyes had been miserable the whole time. She didn't know why, or how to fix it. Whatever Regulus was doing, he clearly couldn't talk about it, and she wouldn't force the issue.
"I should go to bed." Beth eased herself to her feet, wanting to distance herself once again before she said something she would regret. "Goodnight, Regulus."
Beth hid her disappointment that Regulus had returned to Grimmauld Place the following morning before she woke up. A handful of their friends had stayed the night at the Rosier estate, and seemed to be nursing hangovers the following morning. Phoenix slid a steaming mug of tea across the table and sat across from Beth. Her black hair was bundled up into a messy bun, and her wide yawn told Beth she hadn't gotten much sleep.
"I heard you and Evan last night."
"Oh." Phoenix didn't even flush, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. She raised her mug to her lips and took a deep gulp.
"Does that always happen after you fight?" Beth asked. The dynamic of Evan and Phoenix's relationship still baffled her at times. It was a volatile marriage, though Beth didn't think it had ever gotten physically violent. It was poisonous words and verbal barbs, traded with the ferocity of duelling wands.
"A lot of the time," Phoenix admitted.
"And you…" The words were sour on Beth's lips, but she had to know. "You want to, right?"
"Of course I do." There was a mixture of shock and sympathy in Phoenix's grey eyes, still smudged with last night's mascara. "Evan's a lot of things, but he's not a terrible lay."
Beth remained quiet, some of the tension leaving her shoulders. Phoenix's cage was a decadent one, an expensive ring glittering on her finger and all the money she could want, but it was still a cage. The idea of being married at their age filled Beth with anxiety, and she didn't know how Phoenix managed it.
"I want to say it's complicated, but I guess it's rather simple." Phoenix traced a finger around the rim of her mug. "Evan can say whatever he wants, but he wants to control me. He thinks the fact that I'm his wife means that he owns me. He likes to try and assert dominance and...sex is the only time I get some of the power back."
It sounded like some twisted game to Beth, but she didn't say as much. She had the feeling that Phoenix already knew full well that her relationship with Evan wasn't healthy. The only thing that could make things worse would be throwing a kid into the mix, but Phoenix was adamant that she wasn't considering anything like that until at least her early twenties.
"What about you and Regulus?" Phoenix pressed, shifting the attention off her. "I know the two of you spent a lot of time together last night."
"He seems...stressed." Beth bit her lip. "I'm worried about him."
"So am I," Phoenix said quietly, "He hasn't said anything to me, either. I don't know what's happening, but I have the feeling it's something big."
Cold dread settled in the pit of Beth's stomach. She wondered what sort of mess Regulus had gotten himself into, and exactly how he planned to dig himself out of it. Regulus was clever. He always had a plan. Whatever important things he was doing, Beth liked to think that he'd figured it all out.