Chapter Thirteen

"But, Professor," whined Ron Weasley as he followed Professor McGonagall into the Great Hall during the lunch time period.

The strict transfiguration teacher stopped in her tracks and turned to the seventh year Gryffindor and said, "Mr. Weasley, do you really expect me to believe that you were hanging from the rafters of your dormitory in a compromising position?"

"Yes Professor, it's true. The guys came in and saw me there and did nothing to help me."

Frowning at the red head, Professor McGonagall walks swiftly down the table to where Harry was sitting with the other Gryffindor seventh year boys along with Ginny Weasley and a visiting Luna Lovegood eating lunch.

"Mr. Potter," she said sternly. "It is true that you returned to your dormitory and found Mr. Weasley hanging from the rafters?"

"Well, there was something in there hanging, but I honestly didn't notice what it was. I was kinda busy at the time," Harry replied.

Looking at him skeptically, she asked, "And what could have possibly been so engrossing that you failed to notice a prefect hanging in your room?"

Before Harry could reply, Seamus piped up, "His penis grew over twice as big this morning and we were all looking at it."

"Really?" Ginny asked with interest and Seamus scowled at her.

Sighing, the Head of Gryffindor asked, "Please tell me that you have not followed in Mr. Finnigan's foot steps and placed an engorgement charm on yourself in order to impress someone."

"No I didn't," Harry said forcefully. Then he realized what she said and turned to Seamus and asked, "Tell me you didn't do that."

"Yeah he did," Neville and Dean answered together.

Harry shook his head with a smile on his face. However, he returned his attention back to Professor McGonagall. "If he were hanging in the dorm then I would say that Eppy did it to him. You'd have to ask her about that."

"Is that your house elf?"

"Eppy is not a 'that,' she is a sentient being. And, yes, she does belong to me. EPPY!"

A small house elf popped in wearing a little pink dress with little yellow flowers on the hem. "Yes, Master Harry, did you's call for Eppy?"

"Yes, I did," Harry said to her. "Professor McGonagall has some questions for you."

Eppy looked up at the teacher and flashed her a big toothy grin. "Yes, what can I's be doing for you?"

"Yes, well, did you hang Mr. Weasley from the rafters of his dormitory room today?"

"Oh yes, Eppy is being doing that," the house elf replied.

"See, I told you," Ron whined and pouted.

"But, Eppy is only doing that because Weazy was being disrespectful to Master Harry's possessions..." said the innocent looking house elf. "… again."

"How was he being disrespectful?" asked McGonagall, ignoring the beginnings of Ron's tantrum.

"Well, you's is seeing, Master Harry is receiving a nice package from the little children who's is drawing him pictures of his mummy and daddy. They's is reading about how my poor Master Harry's pictures was being destroyed by the cruel and bad wizards and he was missing his mummy and daddy he was. So's when he is getting this package of drawings, I's is putting them on the wall by his bed to reminds him that they's is being good witches and wizards in the world still. But when Eppy had to go make a little pee pee because I's is having a little bladder, the Weazy comes into the room and rips the pretty pictures down and throwing them in the trash bin."

"HE. DID. WHAT?" Harry announced through clenched teeth staring at his former best friend.

"It is being okay Master Harry, Eppy has fixed and pressed all the pretty pictures that the little childrens have sent you and hung them on the wall. You's is not seeing one wrinkle, Eppy did a good job I's did."

Harry did not take his eyes off of Ron Weasley who ducked down and tried to hide behind Professor McGonagall. Like that was gonna work. He's over six feet tall and she was little short woman. Oh yeah, that was good coverage to hide him with. No Harry sat there seething and everyone around them was watching intently.

However, Eppy continued, "So you's is seeing, I's is having to punish him by making him hang naked wearing the goat skins I's is finding in his trunk to be teaching him a lesson about being respectful. I's is not knowing why he is liking goat skins, they is being all smelly and had this funny dried up white substance on them."

Okay, for those of you who can't guess what that dried up substance might be, think about it. If you still can't guess, then you're too young to read this story.

"I see," Professor McGonagall said. Then turning to face Ron she said, "It seems that you have once again failed to act your age Mr. Weasley. I would take house points from you, but I think that you have already been punished." Then she walked away to have her lunch at the staff table, leaving Ron all alone.

"You tried to destroy more of my possessions?" Harry ground out.

Ron gulped and everyone waited to see what would happen next.

"It wasn't enough that you and Granger destroyed everything I owned before sitting in that cold dirty and tiny little cell in Azkaban for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. But now you have failed to learn from your past mistakes and attempted to do it again?" Harry said in a low voice.

"Harry… mate…" Ron stammered.

"Only my friends can call me by my first name Weasley!"

Before either boy could continue, Eppy pulled on his sleeve and said, "Master Harry, I's is to be telling you that you's is having a visitor."

Harry looked away from Ron and asked, "Who?"

"Who's is knowing who Master Harry. She has been here before."

"Oh." Then Harry smiled with a hint of evil and continued, "Tell her I'll be there directly."

x-x-x-x-x

About an hour later Harry walks into his Advanced Muggle Studies class to find his teacher already waiting for him.

"I'm sorry I'm late Professor, I had something that couldn't wait."

Amanda Langtree looked at him suspiciously. "What could you have possibly done that couldn't wait? I'm the only teacher in the castle whose homework you actually do."

Harry looked at her impishly but didn't reply.

"Oh, that kind of thing huh? Well as long as I'm not on receiving end of it, then I'll overlook it this once."

Harry grinned at her and took his seat for her to begin the day's lesson. As the books that she had ordered for him had finally arrived, they finally had something worthwhile to do in class. As the two began to discuss the workings of the marvelous Muggle devise called a computer, Harry became very excited. After all he had never been allowed to touch Dudley's two computers before and was really fascinated by them.

However, this lesson it seems was to be cut short. Okay this is fair warning, put the soda down now.

"Amanda," the Headmaster said as he walked into the room flanked by two very large men wearing white robes with the cross wands emblem of St. Mungo's in their chests. "I'm sorry to interrupt your lesson, but I'm afraid that I need Harry to come with these gentlemen and myself."

"Well Professor Dumbledore, this is highly irregular. Harry is my only student in Advanced Muggle Studies and if he leaves, then I'll have no one to lecture to. What do you need him for?"

"I'm afraid," Dumbledore said with a mysterious twinkle in his eye, "that is something for Harry, myself and these two distinguished gentlemen to discuss."

Standing up Harry speaks, "Alright, then I'll ask, what do you to talk about with me?"

"I think that my office would be a much better place to discuss this Harry."

"Uh-huh," Harry said skeptically. "So why do you need two escorts for a simple conversation?"

"They are here to escort you Harry, not me."

"Uh-huh. Where are they escorting me to Professor?"

"Why to my office of course."

"Then where too?" asked a suspicious Boy-Who-Lived to be damned in Azkaban. I mean come on, Harry may have spent one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds, but that didn't mean he was freakin' stupid.

"Well, Harry, I have arranged for you to get some well deserved rest and attention and these two gentlemen are here to escort to a calm and safe place."

"I see," Harry said with a sudden smile on his face. "Did you know that I just had a meeting with a reporter from the Daily Prophet and her photographer and agreed to allow them to take candid photographs of me for tomorrow's edition of the paper, Professor?"

The twinkle left Dumbledore's eyes immediately.

"Did you also know that you have no authority in which to incarcerate me at St. Mungo's as you are no longer my headmaster, since I already informed you that I would be leaving school at the end of the week? Algernon Graves made sure I had several tidbits of information about what you can and cannot do in case something like this happened."

"I have no idea what you are talking about Harry."

"I'm sure you don't," Harry replied as two people walked into the room.

"Professor Dumbledore," Rita Skeeter said seductively, "Would you care to comment about what you are doing to poor Harry Potter?" She already had her quick quotes quill out and was sucking on the end of it, to get the ink flowing before anyone could make a sound.

Turning, Dumbledore said, "Ms. Skeeter, how nice to see you again. You've not written anything nasty about me in days. I believe that maybe a new record for you."

"I think we can remedy that, can't we Rita," Harry called out to the reporter and the photographer who was setting up for a picture of the two men from the hospital.

Frowning at his student, the Headmaster says, "I'm sure that won't be necessary." Then with a slight nod to the two men, all three left the Muggle Studies class room.

Harry and Rita shared a knowing smile as Professor Langtree exclaimed, "What the hell was that?"

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

I bet you were all thinking that Eppy was gonna kick some Dumbledore butt weren't you? Fooled you!