Agnes 28

Author's Note: Now Agnes gets to find out. FYI the story will come to an end in the next couple of chapters. Anything in italics is a memory.

Let me know what you think!

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Donald Ressler sat looking at the picture of him and Liz and Agnes on a glacier on her last day with them. It had been a cold day, and they were all bundled up for early November like you would dress when a cold snap hit DC in February. They had taken Agnes for hot chocolate together, then hiked to the glacier and spoke as they walked about the circumstance of her birth. Both he and Liz had spoken for over a week about how best to approach this topic with her and decided that they needed to be alone for the talk and in a space where they could stop and address any questions or issues she had, without making it a formal sit-down discussion that may scare her. Ressler had come up with the idea of the hike because Agnes liked hiking with him, and it seemed like a safe activity for her as well. They didn't want her to feel limited by her illness, but understand that for the rest of her life, there would be safe and unsafe choices for her. But that she could still have adventure in her life. Her new medications were upsetting her stomach a little and needed to be adjusted at her appointment he and Liz had scheduled for her the next day after the hike. She seemed to be responding well otherwise so that made them both happy and okay with Liz leaving to go back after Townsend.

Liz had already had a rudimentary talk with Agnes about babies, with information about mummies and daddies having parts inside them that, together, made a baby. Liz had spoken to her about her body parts being private and hers and that no one should touch her or make her touch their private body parts. Agnes had seen penis' in men's washrooms but still thought they were for peeing and probably had no idea they were part of making babies as well. Ressler was grateful for the cold as it kept his face from going too red. He was an enlightened man but discussing sex with his six-year-old daughter was not how any man wanted to spend his time.

"Hey honey, remember how you and me talked about mummies and daddies each having things that together made a baby?" Liz started as they trekked across the barren scrub. Ken and Bianca stayed about 50 feet back from them.

Agnes nodded.

"Did you have any more questions about that?" Liz asked her.

Agnes looked at her perplexed.

"Mummy and I wanted to talk with you about babies some more," Ressler added.

She looked at him and shrugged.

Liz and Ressler exchanged a look, she was not making this easy. They had hoped she would have questions.

"So, remember how I said mummies and daddies have things inside them that make babies?" Liz started again.

Agnes nodded.

"And remember when I took you to a baseball game and you saw men peeing?" Ressler asked her.

She nodded.

Ressler sighed and looked at Liz, she nodded.

"Well, men pee from something called a penis," he said, uncomfortable. "And that penis, doesn't just pee, it also releases little sperm that swim toward a mom's egg which is inside of her."

Agnes stopped walking and looked at him with a twisted look on her face.

"Agnes?" Ressler asked.

"Are the mom's eggs in the tray they pee into?" Agnes asked.

"No," Ressler said as he crouched down in front of her. "They are two different…functions. Sometimes penis' are used to pee and sometimes they are used to make a baby."

Agnes furrowed her brow.

"You have one?" Agnes asked him.

Ressler's face reddened. "All men do, sweetheart."

"Penis' swim?" Agnes asked.

"No," Liz smiled at her. "Penis' pee or make a baby, but what's inside them, which is called sperm, when they make a baby, it swims…"

Ressler looked at Liz, he felt they had got off track already.

"Like fish?" Agnes asked as she looked between Ressler's snow pant-clad legs.

"Sweetie, I think we're not doing a very good job of…" Ressler started.

"Daddies have a penis, it has sperm inside it, and instead of pee coming out, sperm does, it swims towards a mommy's egg and makes a baby," Liz said before she released a breath.

"Are your eggs in the fridge with the chicken eggs?" Agnes asked, suddenly worried she had eaten the wrong kind of egg one morning.

"No, they are inside me, about here," Liz said as she pointed to her pelvis. She knew the next question before it came so she pre-answered it. "Daddies put their penis inside mommy's vagina, which is down here near where you pee."

Liz pointed to herself again.

"And then the sperm and the eggs get together and make a baby inside mommy who carries it until the baby is born," Liz said, hoping she got everything.

"Both mommy and daddy's pee parts…"

"No, not peeing," Ressler sighed, this was going as wrong as it could, and they hadn't even gotten to IVF yet.

"Come on baby, let's walk and talk," Liz said reaching for Agnes' hand.

They started to walk again, and Agnes seemed to relax.

"What did I tell you was the most important thing needed to make a baby?" Liz asked her.

"Love," Agnes smiled at her.

"Right," Liz said. "Babies can get made all kinds of ways, but love has to be there every time."

Agnes nodded.

"What other ways?" Agnes asked, thinking there must be something better than putting something you pee from inside a mommy.

Liz smiled at Ressler.

"Well, sometimes it doesn't happen inside a mommy and instead the baby is made by scientists, then put inside the mommy," Ressler said as he took her hand as well.

Agnes liked this way better.

"They take an egg from a mommy and sperm from a daddy and make a baby, then put it inside the mommy until it is born," Ressler said.

"But what also has to be there?" Liz asked her.

"Love!" Agnes cheered.

Ressler and Liz smiled down at her.

"That's right sweetie," Ressler said.

"Well, were you made from love?" Liz asked her.

Agnes nodded.

"You were sweetheart," Ressler smiled down at her.

Liz exchanged a worried look with Ressler and took a deep breath before she spoke.

"Baby, we just found out that daddy who died was not the daddy who helped make you," Liz hedged, hoping she got the wording right that she and Ressler had practiced for this part.

Agnes looked between them, confused.

"Daddy who died, loved you very, very, much though," Ressler said.

Agnes continued to walk and look down at the ground, absorbing this information.

"You were made with love from eggs and sperm with some scientist's help," Liz said.

Agnes glanced up at her, she was happy no one was placing a pee penis inside her mommy.

"Do you understand honey?" Liz asked as they started up some shale.

"Daddy who died didn't put his pee penis inside you," Agnes said.

"Sweetheart it's not a pee…" Ressler started.

"No, he didn't," Liz said. Knowing it was more complicated, but Agnes, obviously needed simple.

"But another very special daddy made you with love," Liz said as her eyes got watery. "He didn't know until very recently that he was your daddy who made you."

"With the scientist," Agnes said. Affirming that no pee penis' were near her mother.

"Yes, with a scientist who took eggs from mommy and sperm from daddy to make you," Liz said. "Do you want to know who that daddy is?"

They walked for a few feet before Agnes shook her head in the negative.

Both Ressler and Liz looked at her and each other confused.

"Sweetie, you don't want to know about…?" Liz started.

"I have a daddy," Agnes said as she looked up at Ressler and squeezed his hand.

Ressler smiled down at her and then looked to the side quickly to wipe at his eyes.

"And I have a little girl," Ressler said when he looked back at her. "The best little girl."

Agnes' smile widened and she skipped over a rock.

Ressler and Liz looked at each other, not sure what to do. She said she didn't want to know, possibly because she didn't want another man in her life, but she needed to know the truth.

"Baby girl," Liz said as she looked down at her daughter, holding both their hands and skipping a little as she walked. "Daddy, this daddy, Don…he's the daddy who made you with mommy."

Agnes stopped walking and looked up at her mother perplexed.

"We just found out," Liz admitted to her.

Agnes looked at Ressler. "You didn't know you made me?"

Ressler crouched down, as much as Liz was about being honest with Agnes, there was a level of honesty about the situation that they were not going to share.

"I loved your mommy very, very, much," Ressler said. "And I think the scientist knew that, so he made me your daddy, but he didn't tell me or mommy, he kept it a secret."

Agnes nodded. "Daddy who died didn't love mommy?"

"He loved mommy, but not as much as daddy," Liz said as she met Ressler's eyes. "The scientist knew that mommy and daddy were both needed to make a little girl as amazing as you. And we loved each other very much. Which is why you are so wonderful."

Agnes looked at Ressler and placed her mittened hand on his shoulder as he crouched before her. "Always daddy?"

A smile cracked across Ressler's face. "Yeah, sweetheart, always daddy. But I wish I knew, because I would have been your daddy from the start if I knew."

Agnes nodded.

"But daddy knows now, and so do I, and so do you," Liz said softly as she placed a hand on Agnes' head. "Do you have any questions honey?"

Agnes furrowed her brow.

"What is it, baby?" Liz asked her as she crouched next to Ressler, their knees against each other.

"Daddy who died wasn't my daddy at all?" Agnes asked, thinking of the man her mom had always spoken about.

"No, he was, he helped raise you and change your diapers and…"Liz started.

Agnes' face screwed up in disgust at the talk of diapers.

"He loved you baby girl, even if he didn't make you," Liz said with a smile.

Agnes nodded, absorbing all the information.

"Sweetie, do you have any other questions about babies, or…daddies or…anything?" Liz asked.

Agnes shook her head in the negative and they started to walk again.

When they got to the glacier, they took some pictures and walked on top of it for a bit before turning around to walk back. There were few hours of daylight, and they couldn't be out for long.

As they approached the car Agnes asked. "Will you and daddy have more babies?"

Liz and Ressler exchanged a smile.

"Yeah, sweetheart, we have a lot of love," Ressler said. "So maybe a sister or brother for you."

"And the scientist will help?" Agnes asked.

Liz chuckled. "No, I think we can have another baby without the scientist this time."

Agnes looked at her mother disgusted. She liked the scientist making babies a lot more than the pee penis shooting fish to find an egg inside mommy.

Liz hid the chuckle that was bubbling to the surface when she looked at her daughter's disgusted face as she made sure she was buckled properly.

"Baby girl, if you have any more questions about making babies…"

Agnes vehemently shook her head in the negative.

Ressler chuckled, they may have told her what they wanted to, but they may have also put Agnes off any talk about babies or sex for a very long time.

Ressler smiled. She had had a few questions about sex since Liz had left over two weeks ago, and he had muddled through them fairly well, but today's question was one he hadn't expected. He typed:

Your attempt at drunk yoga. Call please.

He waited a few minutes and then saw her reply.

Your secret stash of Little Debbies. Calling in 5.

He chuckled at her reply and waited for the video call to come in. Agnes was asleep and he had put off answering her question, saying it was an answer that he'd have in the morning because she was tired.

"I could have totally done crow if you hadn't stopped me," Liz laughed as he answered.

"Sure, you could have," he said with a chuckle. "And you found my Little Debbies?"

"In the drawer with your nice sweaters, by the back, in a paper bag," Liz snickered. "I thought I was coming across a secret porn stash or pot…no, Little Debbies."

Ressler laughed hard. "Well, keep that between us, I wouldn't want my stash of Little Debbie's becoming water cooler talk at the Post Office."

Liz chuckled.

He took a deep breath. "Liz, she asked a sex question tonight that…I didn't know what to say…"

Liz furrowed her brow. "What was it?"

His neck got red and then his face.

"Oh boy, this can't be good," Liz said.

"She said penis' look floppy," Ressler started. "How does something floppy go inside a mommy?"

"Well, at least she's stopped calling them pee penis'", Liz hedged.

"Once I cleared up that there is no peeing that happens in a vagina," Ressler said. "Did I mention I was cutting up a banana at the time she asked this latest question?"

Liz laughed and covered her mouth.

"How can we explain excited?" Liz asked.

Ressler shrugged.

"I googled it and it's all stupid shit," Ressler said.

"Your brain tells it not to be floppy?" Liz asked.

He winced.

"Mommy's vagina makes it feel good?" Liz asked.

"I am not saying that," Ressler said clearly.

"It's excited it gets to play with mommy?" Liz asked.

"God no," Ressler said.

Liz sighed.

"See?" Ressler said. "Not so easy, is it?"

"What did the articles say?" Liz asked.

"Basically, what you said," Ressler said. "A couple got into deep anatomy…she just finished calling it a pee penis, I'm thinking she's not ready for testes…"

Liz laughed. "Uh, no."

"I think the brain one is accurate, easy, and less graphic," Ressler said. "I don't know if she'll have follow-up questions though…"

Liz nodded. "The brain one."

Ressler sighed.

"How's it going dad?" Liz teased.

"No more upset stomachs in the last few days," he said. "This seems to be the right dosage."

"Cast comes off this week?" Liz asked.

"Two days," Ressler smiled. "She says it smells."

"I bet it does," Liz said.

"Many questions this week?" Liz asked.

"Just that one, but it was a doozy," Ressler joked.

"It was," Liz smiled with him.

"How's it going with Townsend?" Ressler asked.

"Soon," Liz smiled at him. "Soon."

"By Christmas soon or…?"

"I'm no sure," Liz admitted.

He nodded. Nothing was guaranteed.

"You're safe?" He asked.

She smiled at him and nodded.

"Good, that's all I care about," he admitted. "This Christmas or next Christmas, just don't put yourself in danger, okay?"

She nodded.

"Do you want another one of those video calls?"

Ressler smiled and then shifted uncomfortably.

"It's kinda hard to do them when I think about Reddington and Dembe in the next room where you are," Ressler cringed.

"True," Liz chuckled. "I hadn't thought about that."

He smiled at her.

"I do miss you, though," he admitted.

"You okay?" Liz asked, suddenly concerned.

He nodded.

"You talking with someone like I…"

"Liz, you know I don't…"

"Don, please," she asked him. "For me, if not for you."

"For you?" He asked surprised.

"So I know you're okay," Liz said. "Kinda like why I agreed to Reddington joining me. I know you felt better about it."

He sighed. "I'll think about it."

"Do more than think and book an appointment," she said.

He sighed again.

"I love you," she said with a soft smile. "And I want you to be okay, not just say you're okay. There's a difference."

He nodded. "I get it. But…"

"I'm going to talk with someone once this is done, and what happened to me…"

"Was still an invasion," he said.

"It was," she nodded in agreement. "But a medical invasion, which is wrong, but yours was…Don, it was sexual assault."

He swallowed hard.

"If what had happened to you, had happened to me…"

"I'd kill him," he interrupted.

"Now you know how I feel about her," Liz said seriously. "But would you not advise me to get help?"

He took a deep breath.

"We both know that answer," she said. "So, why, because you're a man, is it any different?"

He met her eyes on the screen.

"I'm glad we agree," Liz smiled softly at him.

He nodded.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome," he acquiesced.

"I gotta go, it's the middle of the night here and I have a big day tomorrow," Liz said.

"Care to enlighten me?" Ressler asked.

"Let's just say this is step 4 of a 7 step plan, and I feel the momentum toward the end of all of this for the first time," Liz smiled at him.

He nodded. "Goodnight Liz."

"Goodnight honey," She smiled at him. "I'll call in two days, when the cast comes off?"

"Yeah, she'll like that," he smiled.

"Take care of our girl," Liz said before the call ended.

Ressler looked back at the picture he had been holding before they started talking. Agnes was their girl, in every way. He would need to talk to his mom when this was all done, and everyone in their life would be quite surprised. But, he sensed, this news wasn't just going to make him and Liz happy.

To be continued…