"Are we sure this is the right place?" Joseph said as he observed the dilapidated structure where Lucas supposedly lived.
"It sure doesn't look like Bouchard." Carson agreed.
"No. This has to be it." Nathan replied. "This is 7th street and that is Norman's Grocery across the street."
Lee shook his head. "Well, what do we do next?"
"We wait." Nathan said. "It's five-fifteen right now. If she's right, he should be home any minute now."
Ten minutes later, the wait was over. The trolley pulled up to the corner and Lucas Bouchard slowly stepped down from it, cane in hand and fishing in his pocket for change to pay the driver.
"Have a good evening, Lucas." They heard the man say.
"You as well, Simon. I will see you tomorrow."
As he adjusted the cane in his hand and began to walk, Nathan couldn't help but feel sadness for the change that he saw. Gone were the dapper three-piece suits and well-coifed hair. They had been replaced by baggie pants with suspenders and a newsboy cap that hid hair that hit just below his Adam's apple. His frame was thinner, almost too thin, and his eyes displayed the weariness that came from having one's world turn upside down. To the outside observer, he was hardly recognizable; and, yet, the way he behaved and his genteel manner said it was still him.
Turning toward the grocery, he walked stiffly and slowly toward his apartment.
"He looks terrible." Lee whispered.
"He does. "Carson admitted. "I don't like how he's walking. I want to check that leg right away."
"Bless his heart." Joseph stated. But Nathan was silent being conflicted between the compassion he felt for this wounded soul and the anger he felt for Elizabeth's sake.
"Evenin' to you, Lucas" an old man said as he exited the grocery, meeting Bouchard on the sidewalk.
"Good evening, Mr. Samuels." Lucas replied. "Please express my gratitude to your wife for the plate of food last night."
"'Twern't a problem at all." he responded. "Happy to do it."
Just then, a window opened from above the store.
"That you, Lucas?" said an older woman with her hair rolled up in pin curls.
Lucas steadied himself and looked up. "Yes, It's me, Mrs. Grace."
"Good! I just finished washing my hair in the sink. Would you mind pickin' up my paper from the sidewalk?"
"I'd be happy to."was his reply.
The woman added. "Oh, and hurry in. Annabelle's been anxious to see you."
Lucas smiled. "Tell her I'll be right there."
And that was all the proof he needed. As Lucas walked forward to retrieve the paper, Nathan sprang out of the shadows and not a man could stop him. Before he even knew what was happening, Lucas felt two strong hands on his shoulders spinning him around followed by a hard jab to his jaw that sent him flying through the air. Next thing he saw was sky.
The other three men rushed in to stop Nathan from hitting him again and as Lucas recalibrated and figured out that he'd been hit, and when he saw who had hit him, it took everything within him to not fall into some of the language he heard while playing poker in saloons in Louisiana. He started to open his mouth but when Nathan stuck his finger in Lucas's face, he pulled back defensively.
"That's for Elizabeth!"
"Elizabeth?!"
"Yes, you remember – the girl you said you loved. The girl whose heart you're breaking now."
Lucas shook his head. "Nathan-"
"Shut up! You had me convinced that I had read you wrong and that you were really a decent and honorable man. I was even beginning to feel a little good that you two were together because I could see how happy she was, but I must admit my only error is in underestimating how low you could go. How could you?!"
Lucas looked confused as he sat up on his elbows. "How could I? Could I what?"
Joseph immediately stepped in. "Now, Lucas. This is your pastor speaking to you and I'm also your friend. And, I know that times are rough and that the temptation you must feel can sometimes seem overwhelming – but man…fornication is a sin! You gotta flee that stuff, my friend! You can't simply succumb to it because you're feeling low."
Lucas was slack-jawed as he watched the two men. "Thank you for that advice, Joseph." He replied. "Lee! Would you like to help me with this?"
Lee looked at him solemnly and took a step forward, scrunching his face. "Lucas. We know about Annabelle."
Immediately Lucas's eyes registered understanding. "Annabelle." He said, flatly.
"Yeah. The…the Jezebel you're living with?" Nathan replied.
"Nathan! Enough!" Carson warned, but before Nathan could respond, Lucas had buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Nathan took a step back as Joseph walked forward.
"Lucas, it's okay man. We still love you. Ain't nothin' you've ever done that can't be forgiven."
Lucas laid back against the stairs and wiped his eyes but from his expression it was clear that rather than grieving his sin, he was finding the conversation uproariously funny.
"He's a reprobate!" Nathan said.
"Lucas, this is not a laughing matter." added Lee, and the harder Bouchard laughed the more helpless Joseph felt at giving him spiritual advice. Finally, Lucas calmed himself down and with dimples showing, stretched out his arms in order to be helped up.
"Lee. Keep him away from me." He said, regarding Nathan.
"Carson. Joseph. Would you mind assisting me to my feet?"
The two men silently stepped forward as Lucas turned to them. "There's someone I would like for you to meet."
Lucas reached down for the newspaper and opened the door, entering the building. He motioned for the men to wait at the entrance as he slowly navigated the five stairs that took him to Mrs. Grace's apartment. Knocking he looked down the stairs at Nathan then shook his head.
The door opened and the same woman who had spoken from the window opened the door with a smile. "Thank you, sweetie." She said, taking the paper. "Here's your girl."
"Thank you for staying with her. I sincerely hope that she was not much trouble." He replied.
"No trouble at all." The woman smiled as she opened the door wider allowing a tan and white puppy, not much bigger than a cat, to come scampering out of her apartment. She was attached to a leash. Lucas bent down and picked her up then turned around with the dog in his arms to proudly display her to the men.
"Gentlemen, meet Annabelle." He said with a smile.
Nobody said a word, though each man's face became visibly more relaxed as he made his way down the stairs clutching Annabelle under one arm and the banister with the other.
"She followed me home from work one day. I think it was the peanut butter sandwich." When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he set her down, stopping in front of Nathan, and staring him in the eyes. He held out her leash.
"Constable Grant. As I have just come home from a long day at work and given the fact that I'm certain to have a nasty bruise from being knocked onto my posterior, may I impose upon you to take her out to relieve herself?"
An embarrassed Nathan didn't break Lucas's gaze, only studying him to see if he was angry. Noting that he looked more amused than upset, Grant reached out and took the dog. "Sure. I'll be right back." He walked toward the exit.
Lucas shook his head as he rounded the corner and began to go down the stairs. "Now, gentleman. It would be awfully rude of me to have you come all this way and for me not invite you in, so you might as well follow me. " He unlocked the door. " It isn't much, but it's far superior to sleeping on the streets."
As they entered the apartment, the men looked around at Lucas's sparse surroundings. There was a single table with two chairs that didn't match, a sofa that looked like it had seen better days, and a bed in the corner with a nightstand. An efficiency kitchen and bathroom completed the flat. The walls were covered in cream colored wallpaper that had mildew stains at each corner. The floor was tile.
"I'm afraid Fiona is nowhere around to give me that free haircut." He said, taking off his cap and revealing the unkempt mop below. He hung the cap on the coat rack. "Would you like some water?" he asked, as Nathan returned with the dog.
"No, we're okay." Carson said. "We've come to check on you."
"I'm fine." Bouchard replied.
"You don't look fine." Nathan said.
Lucas raised his eyebrows. "Well, perhaps that's because I was ambushed by a police officer as I walked up to my home. Are sneak attacks on crippled men something that they teach you in Mountie school?"
Nathan pursed his lips and took a step back.
"Lucas, why are you here?" Lee asked.
"Lee, why are you here?" Lucas retorted.
"He asked you first." Nathan said.
Lucas took a deep breath then exhaled, walking to his bed. "Do you mind if I sit down?"
"Please." Lee replied.
Lucas grimaced in pain when he took a seat, a fact not missed by Carson. "I'm here because I live here now. Shocking, I know – but what else can I do?"
"You can come back to Hope Valley." Lee suggested.
Lucas shook his head. "I'm sorry, Lee. That's the one thing that I cannot do."
"Why not?" Lee asked. "You were happy there and you were loved."
Lucas leaned back against the wall. "I was. But at last, it's not about me. Please don't misunderstand. I shall always cherish my time with all of you, not just Elizabeth. But if I were to return, I know I would only hold her back from reaching her dreams. Maybe not immediately, but it wouldn't take long.
Elizabeth should have a man who is strong who can give her the life she deserves. I can't even take care of myself. Just look at me." He said, again grimacing in pain as he lifted his leg.
"You're doing better than I would do if I were in your position." Joseph said. Lucas simply shook his head.
"How long have you been on your feet today?" Carson asked. "Be honest."
Lucas leaned back, not making eye contact. "Sixteen - no, seventeen hours."
Shepherd frowned. "You know that isn't good. What are you trying to do? End up like Cy?"
Lucas's dark eyes met his doctor's and a sardonic smile came upon his face. "It couldn't be any worse than this." He then looked away. "In fact, it'd be so much better. What is that verse, pastor? No sorrow, no crying, no pain."
Joseph looked at Carson with concern.
"Lucas. Cy is not dead." Shepherd said.
Lucas's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. He tilted his head.
Carson continued. "The infection took over his body to where for a while it appeared we were going to lose him, but at the end, he rallied."
Lucas smiled, slightly. "Guess he was right. Knock him down, he gets right back up."
"We had to remove the rest of his leg." Carson interjected and Lucas grew very quiet. "He's back to square one in terms of his recovery, which is where you will be if you don't take my instructions very seriously."
"I've been doing the best that I can." Lucas pleaded. "But, Carson, I have to work. If I don't work, I don't eat."
"I understand that. But you also have to take care of yourself or else you're going to make yourself sick." He countered. "Now, roll up your pantleg, remove the prosthetic and let me examine your leg."
"I can't." Lucas replied.
Carson Shepherd's patience began to wear then. "Lucas…"
"No. I'm not trying to be difficult. I physically can't." he interrupted. "It takes about an hour of applying ice before the prosthetic will even budge."
"Your leg is swollen that bad?" Carson asked.
"Yes."
Carson sighed. "Then we'll wait. Lee, would you go to the kitchen and get some ice. I assume that you have an icebox?"
Lucas looked at his doctor and saw his resolve and relented. "Yes. It's in the corner in the kitchen. It's not big but I don't need it to be since it's just me and Annabelle."
"Okay, you stay right there." He said, standing to show Lee where to find it.
"Where am I supposed to go?"
"Knowing you – that could be any place." Carson stopped and looked at him. "Stay right there."
Elizabeth Thornton slipped down the hallway of the Emerson Hotel in Baltimore, Maryland and knocked on the door to Peter and Helen Bouchard's suite. She'd just spent an hour with Rosemary who was trying to show her support in light of what they had learned about Lucas being with another woman. Rosemary took Elizabeth's calmness as indicative of being in some sort of denial and perhaps she was. But she had to listen to her heart on this one. Her heart told her that Lucas was innocent and until he was proven otherwise, she was not going to worry, at least not about that. There were other matters more pressing than a rumor picked up off the street, such as why Helen Bouchard was near Baltimore and didn't visit her son.
The door opened and Peter Bouchard was the first face that she saw.
"Have we heard something?" He asked. In the background, Elizabeth could see Helen stand up from where she had been seated, eager to hear some news.
"Nothing yet." Elizabeth said.
Peter appeared disappointed but stayed strong. "Perhaps soon. Were you here to see me or my wife?"
"Actually, I was hoping to speak with Helen." She replied.
"Very well." He responded. "I was just going to run down to the tobacco shop in the lobby."
"You smoke?" she asked.
"On occasion. I smoke a pipe." He replied. "It seems to calm my nerves. If you'll excuse me."
Elizabeth walked into the sitting area inside the suite and over to Helen Bouchard.
"Won't you sit down?" Helen asked. Elizabeth smiled and took a seat.
"Peter told me what that woman said about Lucas. I don't believe a word." Helen began.
"Neither do I." Elizabeth said. "But that isn't what I came to talk about. Helen, you said you were recently travelling through the area and had an opportunity to visit Lucas, but you chose not to. Would you tell me why?"
Lucas's mother's eyes drifted toward the floor. "I never wanted to have children. That was Peter."
Elizabeth's lips parted at that confession, a confession she found shocking and inconceivable given her own life experience and desires, though she longed to understand.
"I wanted to move to New York and start my own publishing house - to publish quality literature for the masses. I never dreamed of being a mother – or a wife. But Peter was patient and persistent, and he won my heart. It wasn't long after that when I found myself with a life that I'd never imagined, that I'd never contemplated. As a result, I feel that I was very ill equipped to fulfill either role as I should.
When Lucas came along, he was the most beautiful baby and had the sweetest disposition. But I couldn't enjoy him."
"You weren't well at the time either." Elizabeth added.
"No. I wasn't. I was in physical pain and emotional pain. Everyone thought I should be happy and I constructed this persona at the time where I pretended to be. But all I wanted to do was to stay in bed and let the nanny take care of the baby. That carried forward to when Lucas was a toddler. I rarely wanted to hold him and when I did, I'd put him down as quickly as I could. It was so unfair because he was such a loving child. And, it wasn't that I didn't love him. How could I not? But I couldn't relate to him…which is part of why I think we're where we are today."
"What do you mean?"
"Because of my lack of affection, Lucas was always a child who was eager to please. He became attuned to people's emotions and was always happiest when he was able to make them happy. And it isn't artificial. Lucas loves to make people happy – especially those he loves most, which is you."
Elizabeth smiled softly. "He certainly does that – make me happy."
"Yes. But the downside of that is that if he feels he has harmed or will harm someone by his actions, it crushes him. He'd sacrifice himself rather than make someone he loves unhappy. Lucas is very sensitive in that way."
"I've seen that. When Henry Gowen fell ill and Henry's son blamed Lucas, Lucas locked himself away in his office for hours and it took me going up to talk to him to get him to come out. I knew he was very upset."
"You're good for him, Elizabeth – in a way that I never was." Helen said. "You want to know why I didn't go see him? Because, in embracing what Bernard Luison said over what was truly best for my son, I've failed him again. Lucas almost died because of my stubborn refusal to see what was happening to him was wrong. Peter and I argued over the matter more than once, but I refused to acquiesce making Lucas's recovery that much more difficult. I didn't go see him because once again, I failed him."
"Helen. You made the mistake of trusting someone who had been instrumental in saving your life in the past. Bernard Luison broke that trust, but there was no way in the beginning you could have known that. You can't allow that to come between you and Lucas. He needs you, just as he needed you then. You can't let the things of the past, however recent or far, come between the two of you now."
Helen began to cry. "I don't know that I can. It's just so hard."
"It's hard on all of us. Nobody wants to see Lucas in pain." Elizabeth said. "But, Helen, you have to try. Lucas needs more than anything to feel he is loved and accepted by those in his life whom he loves – and that definitely includes you."
An hour had passed and Carson walked over to examine the leg of his patient who was so exhausted he had fallen asleep about fifteen minutes after he'd arrived home. With Annabelle curled up beside him, Shepherd hated to awaken him, though he was so concerned over what was going on underneath the prosthetic, he knew he must.
"Lucas." he said, gently shaking him by the shoulder. Lucas resisted waking up but Annabelle helped to rouse him by licking him in the face. A small smile appeared on his face.
"Okay, girl. I'm awake." He stated, opening his eyes and scratching the side of her cheek.
"It's time to see what's going on here." Carson said, and the smile on Lucas's face faded. Still, he didn't resist – he nevertheless did request some privacy, so the others made themselves busy on the opposite end of the apartment
If there was any blessing in losing part of his leg, it was that Lucas's limb had been severed below the knee. This allowed for a prosthetic that made up for the loss of his foot, ankle and part of the shin, as best as such a device could, while allowing his natural knee to provide the kinetic ability to flex and move as his leg normally would – that was as long as it wasn't unusually swollen, which Lucas's unfortunately was. Unlacing the leather sleeve that covered his knee and thigh, Carson carefully tugged the leg out of its socket and then unwrapped, it revealing reddened flesh beneath. He shook his head.
"Just as I thought." He said, somberly. "Lucas, you are overdoing it and if you don't stop what you're doing right now, you'll be in real trouble sooner rather than later."
"I've been trying to take care of it. What else am I supposed to do?" Lucas said.
"You can come back to the hospital for a start. There is some chafing here that needs to be dealt with and while you need to work, the kind of work you're doing is not going to work…"
"AS I TOLD YOU…" Lucas said, raising his voice, but when seeing he'd gotten the attention of the others, he lowered it. "As I told you, I have no other skills. They have me doing inventory, which while not the most intellectually fulfilling activity in the world is within my realm of expertise."
"You're selling yourself short." Carson said.
"I'm trying to survive." Lucas responded.
"You're trying to stay in charge." Carson said, a little louder than he wanted to. "Lucas, there are times that our lives don't go the way we imagined they would, times where what we wanted seems out of our grasp and there is nothing more we can do. It's in those times that we need to just accept the hand that's dealt us and learn to adjust. You are at one of those junctures."
"Carson is right, Lucas." Joseph said, walking up to his bed. Lucas immediately hid his bare leg underneath the covers. "When Minnie and I had Angela, I can tell you our hopes of what life would become were far different than what they became. When she lost her sight, we really couldn't see past the pain of her disability. And, for a while, I'm ashamed to admit that I was even a little mad with God."
Lucas shifted positions in his bed and his focus intensified.
"But I can tell you, as I look back now, that God had a plan and it was far better for us as a family than we ever could have imagined at the time. God takes no pleasure in the pain of His children but will, with each situation, make a way that we come out better people for the struggles he lets us go through.
Minnie and I have had to work out a lot of things– between ourselves, with our children, and yes, with God. But I can stand and testify that you can't outrun Him. Nor do you want to. He's a very patient Father and in the end will wait as long as He needs to for us to stop running and come back home.
But being the stubborn folks that we are, we want to fight all of that and do things our own way and we only extend our own misery in doing so. God has many blessings ahead for you, Lucas Bouchard, and I can just about promise you that the thing that you feel is your most terrible curse – He'll make it into your greatest blessing – for you, and for Elizabeth. He just needs you to come home."
Lucas lowered his eyes. "I can't see how the way I am now would ever be a blessing to Elizabeth."
"That's because you're eyes are blinded by the tears for now. Man, I get it. Sometimes life is hard and you've been through more then ten men in just a short period of time. But, though I would have chosen sight over all of the struggles for my child at the time, I can also see how having Angela being the way she is has helped us to grow, both individually and as a family. We've been able to help others more now than we ever could have before because we have a new understanding of His strength shining through when we are at our weakest. And, looking back at it now, knowing what I know, I'm thankful of the fact that what man meant for evil, God turned to good. There is no doubt in my mind that he'll do the same for you – and for Elizabeth."
"I can't see how Elizabeth could possibly want me now, when I can't be the man that she and little Jack need me to be."
"She's here for you now." Nathan spoke up. "In a hotel not far away."
Lucas stirred. "You let her come to Baltimore?! Why on earth didn't you stop her?!"
Nathan smiled. "Have you ever been able to stop her from doing something that she's determined to do?"
Lucas's mouth twisted to the side.
"Besides, she's not my responsibility. She's yours." Nathan said. "For whatever reason, you are the man that she chose to give her heart to and you at least owe her an explanation, face to face, of why you now feel that it's okay to toss your love aside."
"Lucas. I've been watching you intently." Joseph said. "And I've seen how, so far, you've been checking off all the boxes of a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love. You've been patient and you've been kind. You've never envied any good that has happened to Elizabeth nor boasted of your own goodness to her. When you get cross with one another, you never let it stand. You keep no record of wrongs. When something is bothering the one of you, you both want to make it better – you don't delight in evil and you're truthful to a fault. You're honest with each other. You're protective of her and you trust each other. So right now, as I stand here, I'm kinda scratching my head because I know those verses also say that love hopes all things, endures all thing and it never fails. Are you really going to come this far and go through all of these trials to give it up now – right when you're at the finish line?"
"That's not the Lucas Bouchard that I know." Lee said.
Lucas took a deep breath. "Perhaps that Lucas no longer exists." He said, as an exasperated sigh rang out across the room.
Nathan stepped forward. "No. He exists. He's just a little lost right now and not in much of a position to be making any big decisions about himself – or Elizabeth – because he isn't seeing things very clearly right now."
"You would send me back to Elizabeth?" he asked, curiously.
Nathan thought for a moment then nodded. "I would. Despite our history, I do care about what happens to you and I want to see both you and Elizabeth happy. I told you before that what Elizabeth and I shared wasn't the same as what you two shared and that I believe her heart has always been with you. She loves you. Just why, I don't understand – No…that's not right. I do. You are an honorable man who has put her interests before your own this entire time. I can see that now. Bu, you say you're doing this so that Elizabeth can thrive and be happy in her life. And from where I stand, I honestly don't see how that can happen without you."
Lucas did not respond, but his eyes were windows to his thoughts. These men were his friends, including Nathan Grant, and they were trying to get him to see what at this time he couldn't see. It gave him much to ponder.
"So, are you going to stop running from God and go with Carson?" Joseph asked.
Lucas cleared his throat and sniffed, trying to maintain composure. "There's Annabelle."
"I've already spoken with Emily." Nathan responded. "She'll be happy to watch her for you if you go back to Johns Hopkins."
Lucas dropped his gaze.
"Sounds like you're out of excuses." Lee said. "Are you going to do the right thing or just sit here and waste away?"
Lucas stayed silent for a few seconds longer, then looked up at Shepherd. "I want…I need to do the right thing. I'll go with you." Then he looked toward Nathan. "And…I will give Elizabeth the conversation that she deserves. Just give me some time to get situated at the hospital and you can bring her on over."