Catra paced back and forth in her empty apartment. Her new, empty, expensive yet crappy apartment she had rented for her and Adora. Her fingers clacked loudly at her phone as she walked.
"Adora, please come back. I can explain."
Feet hit the ground, gaining speed as Catra slammed one foot after the other across the wood floors. When she reached the window she paused, spun, and paced back. She checked her phone. No reply. She wondered if Adora was on the plane. That could explain it. Still, Catra couldn't sit still. She didn't want to stop and think about the fact that she couldn't afford this place, that she would have to find a roommate or move out. She felt sick to her stomach. Her downstairs neighbor hit a broom against the ceiling and Catra screamed profanities while stomped loudly in reply. She took a breath, checked her phone again. When it came up blank she sighed and collapsed to the ground, giving her a chance to catch her breath. The question of why she had signed without telling Adora kept bouncing around her head. She knew why, but now she felt foolish for keeping the truth from her.
The truth that their contract for the 10 week tour had already been taken from them after Catra had an episode with two of the members of the First Ones. Last night was their last night on tour. Entrapta was on their side which was a comfort. She was one of the few people who saw Catra's talent aside from her anger. The passion behind her pain. The others though, they couldn't deal with the constant attitude. Catra could feel everyone starting to hate her but it just made her angrier. It was how she was away from Adora. The only person who had ever been able to keep her calm and give her the chance to be her best self. Catra slumped against her knees, wrapping her arms tightly around herself as her lip quivered.
The First One's had said they could find a replacement easily and they did. Catra apologized to her bandmates, but the damage had been done. She had felt worse than ever when Double Trouble offered her a 6 month contract at The Crimson Waste. Entrapta knew the owners and was able to vouch for them. Scorpia was excited for the change. Lonnie thought this made them famous and repeatedly begged Catra to sign. Her and Bow had stayed up extra late that night talking.
"Have you talked to Adora yet?"
"No," Catra said, as the pair sat on the empty rooftop of the hotel. Catra had one foot hanging off the edge, the other tucked up next to her. Bow was sitting a few feet away from her, looking nervously at the far drop below them. Catra would normally laugh as she watched Bow's fear on full display but she wasn't in the mood tonight. Instead, she picked at her nails that were normally groomed to perfection. She snagged a corner of her finger, her nail sharply cutting into her, making her hiss as she drew blood. Bow was watching her curiously. "Why are you so nervous to talk to her?" He asked, as Catra sucked at her bloody finger.
she looked away. "I'm not nervous to talk to anyone." Bow scoffed, shaking his head. They sat in silence a moment, watching the planes going by, their lights shining into the mist of the foggy night.
"I wish I was on one of those," Bow whispered, his eyes following one into the clouds.
"You want to go home?" Catra wondered if this was his answer for the contract. If he was out.
"If everyone wants to do it, then I'm in," Bow replied, casting a smile in her direction. It fell almost at once. "But I wish Glimmer were here." He looked back out to where the plane had disappeared now and shrugged.
"I'm glad Adora's not here," Catra admitted, returning to picking at her nail. Bow gave her a look of pure confusion that made Catra laugh. "Look at me!" She cast her arms out, gesturing to herself. "I've been an absolute nightmare. I'm so angry all the time." Catra shook her head. "No, I'm glad she's not here. She would be ashamed of me. To know I haven't changed at all."
"That's not true Catra." Bow extended a hand, gently comforting Catra's shoulder as he moved closer to both her and the edge. He cast another glance at it with a look of discomfort but sat at her side anyways. She gave him a soft smile in return that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"I don't want to tell her we lost it," she said quietly, putting the words out there into the universe. Her shame at who she was. She looked to Bow, but his expression remained unreadable. He said nothing instead just waited patiently for her to continue. She took a breath and felt a resurgence of energy as she prepared to share her plan.
"If we sign this, she's going to be so proud of me. I know she wants to come back here and we could actually do that. I mean I could afford something for once in my fucking life and give Adora what she deserves, ya know?" Catra cast a glance at Bow but didn't wait for a response, "I mean why tell her at all about losing the contract? She'll say yes to the new one when I see her. For fuck's safe, I'll pretend I didn't even sign it yet. She'll think the band is doing both. If you think about it that means she could maybe… well," Catra fidgeted, "Live here with me. She could paint and I could perform. It'd be perfect." The last idea just popped into her head but Catra sat up, a smile spreading across her face as her plan settled in her stomach with a content glow. "Better idea I rent us an apartment. No lying, well maybe a little lying," Catra added, "But then I surprise her." Catra's smile fell. "Don't tell Glimmer. Please. We could surprise them together." She turned to him, pushing her feet underneath her, her hands praying before Bow. "Please. I just want to do something right. I'm always the failure who needs her help but right now I'm everything she ever wanted me to be. It's only a week."
"That is… a horrible plan!" Bow shook Catra and she pushed him off with a hiss. He rubbed his hands at his face, avoiding looking in her direction as he thought. Catra tried to make herself look pitiful on the chance he'd fall for it. He ignored her.
"C'mon! They aren't going to find out. You're telling me Glimmer would say no?" Catra nudged him.
"Probably not but still…"
"Please Bow," She gave him her best pouting face, her lip quivering for dramatics. He rolled his eyes.
"I don't think it's a good idea," Bow continued.
"But…" Catra raised an eyebrow.
"But," Bow sighed, "If it means that much to you. What's a week really?" A smile grew across his face as they made eye contact, Catra already beaming.
"We've got a 6 month contract," Catra laughed. Bow joined her, the two hugging in excitement. Catra took a moment to look up at the stars and blew a kiss up in thanks.
Back in her empty apartment, as Catra lay on the floor, she hated herself. Bow had been right. She checked her phone. Nothing. She unlocked it and sent a text to Bow. "Is Glimmer with Adora?"
"Nope, Glimmer is staying the night. We're celebrating!:)" Catra read the text and immediately wanted to punch him in the face. It also meant Glimmer hadn't spoken to Adora. She still didn't know. And even Glimmer didn't know about the apartment. Catra thanked the heavens and hells for that. She wondered if Adora would have been surprised or if she would have dug Catra's grave even farther. Her phone buzzed and she grabbed for it. Her hope switching to annoyance as Double Trouble's name popped up on her home screen.
"What?" She said flatly.
"Is that any way to talk to your manager?" Double Trouble laughed back. They always ignored Catra's attitude as if it didn't exist. Catra didn't know if the action made her feel better or worse but at least she didn't have to hide herself. "Listen I've set up a little photo session tomorrow morning so I'm going to need everyone there. Also no offense but if I see one of those handmade Fright Zone t-shirts again, I'm going to scream."
"Adora made those shirts," Catra said, surprised at the lack of emotion it took to say.
"Yes, well why don't we leave homemade things where they below… at home," They paused, "At least for tomorrow? Okay?"
Catra didn't have the energy to fight them. "Sure. Anything else?"
"What's wrong kitten? You sound upset?"
"Nothing. Just tired," Catra responded, rubbing at her face with her hand. It wasn't technically a lie, she was exhausted and desperately needed sleep. Still, they didn't buy it.
"I'm sure whatever fight you and your girlfriend got into will be resolved," They responded. Catra felt her words hitching in her throat and tried to keep it out.
"Yeah. Maybe," Catra said, her voice starting to quiver.
"Put it all down in writing, Kitten. I know it hurts now, but you are an artist. If there is one thing I know it's that all of that emotion will make you famous," Double Trouble ended the phone call before Catra could respond. She stayed where she was, lying in the dark. She needed to find a roommate, needed to figure out her life. She needed to do a lot of things, but she felt Double Trouble's words as well. The only way to get through it, was to use these emotions for good. She grabbed her notebook and guitar and plopped back down to the ground, ready to do what she did best. A few blocks over, in their nice downtown apartment, Double Trouble sat smiling at their phone.
Over the next few weeks, Catra wrote 5 new songs, each better than the last. Scorpia and Lonnie ended up moving in, which wasn't ideal but worked. Lonnie slept on the couch since it was a two bedroom and Perfuma occasionally made an appearance, making googly eyes at Scorpia while Scorpia blushed in return. Catra used it as an excuse to lock herself away and write.
At night, she would wake in a cold sweat from nightmares. She started to drink a little bit more each day to fall asleep. She knew it wasn't a perfect plan but didn't care about much besides music currently. She didn't talk to anyone really, not even her roommates. She barely saw Bow besides practice and shows. He came over every once in awhile, especially when Glimmer was busy with homework from Brooklyn College but Catra still stayed in her room, her guitar replacing any sense of loneliness she might have experienced if she gave herself a moment to feel it. Bow had tried to talk to her, they all had, but she had no interest in listening.
She had texted Adora. Explained the whole situation besides the apartment over text or left as voicemails. She had even sent letters but no reply. Adora had posted on Instagram with a new girl named Netossa that they had hired at the store. Catra had studied it repeatedly as her stomach turned. She wrote a song about that too.
The only person who seemed to be on her side was Double Trouble. Entrapta had left to finish the tour with the First One's but promised to come back once they were done. Until then, Catra focused on being Double Trouble's ultimate success. She came alive on that stage. No one cared if she was angry up there, no cared if she yelled or screamed because it was all just a part of the act. She was the show, and the crowd ate her up. Catra smiled at them or flipped them off and either way they were still amped to be there.
Women had started to hit on her, only at the bars at first or yelling things while she was on stage. Then things escalated to fan groups backstage. No matter where she went after a performance, they started to follow. They asked about her music and her muse. Mostly they asked if she was looking for a new one. Catra blew them off most of the time, but occasionally felt herself slipping up and flirting in return or allowing them to buy her a drink. Afterwards she would lie in her bed and rethink the whole evening, kicking herself for attempting happiness that she knew she would never find.
One night after a dinner out with the band, Catra and Scorpia found themselves walking home together. They stepped in silence, both of their hands resting in the pockets of their unzipped jackets. Neither felt the chill that still lingered in the air, although the people around them were bundled up tightly. Catra could feel Scorpia's attention. She had always been able to feel it, even before they started dating.
"What?" She asked, not bothering to glance at Scorpia, who she was sure was smiling back in surprise.
"Why do you know me so well and I never got to know you?"
Catra stopped in her tracks and turned to the other, a choked laugh slipping from her lips. "You want to get to know me?" Catra asked. Scorpia shrugged.
"I mean I know you. I sing your lyrics." Catra gave a nod and started walking again, Scorpia falling into step again at her side. "Hold my breath. Take it. It's easier than breathing the air you don't stand in. Burning lungs worth every hour, my broken heart left to devour," Scorpia recited a line from one of Catra's new songs, "Less Oxygen". Catra blushed as Scorpia gave her a nudge. "It's good shit," She added, her eyes meeting Catra's. Scorpia looked happy tonight, at ease. She seemed happier in general and Catra noticed an extra glint behind her smile. Catra stared at her until Scorpia looked away, blushing. "Listen, I need to go back to Seattle for a few days and I was wondering if you wanted to come?"
"Pass," Catra responded with a roll of her eyes.
"Catra," Scorpia said, in similar tone to that of Catra's teachers when they were about to lecture her. Catra stopped and groaned but turned to the other. Her eyes momentarily returned to Scorpia's lips. Scorpia stopped too, looking down at her, "I just want.." Scorpia's gaze was intent and Catra realized with a pounding in her chest that it was pity. Her stomach knotted. If there was one thing she didn't require, it was Scorpia's pity.
"You want to get to know me?" Catra cut in, taking a step towards the other and looking up at her, Catra's gaze slipping from Scorpia's lips to her eyes and back again. "Come get to know me," She whispered, tracing a sharp thumb nail down Scorpia's cheek. Scorpia froze, letting out a small breath of air as Catra touched her. Her eyes closed at the touch and Catra smirked, leaning in close. She reached gently for Scorpia's chin, tilting it down towards her. Her lips touched Scorpia's as she pulled her down to her. Scorpia's palms were on Catra's chest and Catra reached up around Scorpia when she felt another pound in her chest as Scorpia pushed her back.
Catra caught herself, embarrassment flooding her. Scorpia was giving her a look worse than pity and Catra's heart raced out of her chest. Her face flushed bright red. "Whatever," She mumbled, her eyes cast down to the sidewalk, away from Scorpia's looks of disapproval.
"You don't want to do that Catra," Scorpia said kindly, looking sadly down at the ground and back to her ex. Catra nodded with tight lips.
"Have fun in Seattle," Catra responded with a nod, her hands shoved back into her pockets. Scorpia opened her mouth and closed it. Catra guessed this conversation didn't turn out how Scorpia planned, which made her smile. "Feel free to come back… or not," Catra added with a shrug, her embarrassment replaced by anger, "We can always replace a singer if need be." Scorpia's face fell, and Catra shoved down the guilt that was already setting in. At that moment, Catra's phone went off and Double Trouble's picture came up on her screen. Scorpia scoffed and shook her head. "You should answer that. Your new best friend, right?"
"Huh?" Catra responded, momentarily hesitating to answer the phone. Scorpia shook her head in disappointment.
"You are not who they think you are, Catra. It's why we joined the band – because of you, but everyday you become more and more like them. All about the music and forgetting about the people." She shook her head again. "You're not a good friend right now Catra. I wanted to do this but if this is who you're going to be then," Scorpia paused, "Then fine."
"Fine, what?" Catra raised her eyebrows, preparing for the insult on Scorpia's lips.
"Fine, you can replace me," Scorpia said clearly, her gaze strong against Catra's. Catra paused. Scorpia stood her ground, raising her chin high. "It's all about you anyways, right? I'm just replaceable." Catra flinched as her words shot back at her. Her phone was still ringing. She hadn't answered it but she also hadn't declined. Scorpia glanced at it with a nod. "Go ahead. Answer," Scorpia continued, turning to walk on by herself. She hesitated a moment to glance back to Catra, "And I will have fun in Seattle." She nodded, as if confirming to herself that that was the case. Then, she smiled at Catra's dumbfounded expression and left her to walk down the street. Catra stared after her without a word. She felt sick to her stomach but pressed that down too. Her phone, which had finally gone silent, started ringing again, and without pause Catra answered it, turning to walk back to Double Trouble's side.