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Chapter 19
When Darcy parted Bingley's company, Richard followed. This was not the cousin he knew and loved, for better or worse, it would be brought to his attention, whatever rift it caused between them for now. Darcy had asked for reproof and it would be delivered post-haste. It would be an injustice to the entire party at Netherfield if it were not, especially those young women. He knocked, barely waiting for a reply, and stormed into Darcy's chambers.
"Not now, Richard, I beg of you", Darcy muttered and turned away.
"At once, Darcy, this conversation cannot be delayed," replied Richard, firmly.
"I won't discuss it," replied Darcy as though issuing a servant an order.
Richard was not about to have it, this could not be allowed to take root in his cousin's character. "This is the only conversation we will have, sir, until we have it. It is now that the damage has been done to those girls and it's now that it must be resolved. I won't have your unjust and unfeeling words echoing in Bingley's mind, sowing seeds of doubt in his mind about her affections, until he believes it to be the truth of the matter."
"Bingley's may do as he chooses. He had the right to know the disadvantages of the match," replied Darcy, though he himself, was not convinced. He knew his actions were both ill-advised and unjust. He would make it right, he had learned to repent it, even as he walked away. He, however, was of no mind to further discuss the matter.
"Darcy, you know not that woman's mind nor sentiments, how dare you imply you that you had such sentiments from her closest sister, that she held him in no regard. You know well he leans on your judgement. It's one thing to share the actual disadvantages of the match, if done rationally without other motives, to ensure he has thought them through, it is quite another to invent hurtful objections to the match by materially misrepresenting the truth. The truth in this matter is that you sir, have no knowledge of her affections," said Richard coldly.
Taking a deep breath, Richard went for it, saying "Darcy what in God's name has gotten into you? How dare you conspire against their futures after all Miss Elizabeth has done for you. Have you thought on how precarious their situation is, how cruel it is to chase away an eligible suitor, and with information you know very well was misrepresented. My God, there is a selfless desdain for the feelings of others in you. How dare you claim to know the heart of the eldest Miss Bennet. Have you ever even had a proper conversation with her? You are at least half as bad as Wickham right now, hurting the sister of a person who has done so much for you."
Darcy blanched, Richard knew he would. Darcy was not Wickham, he wouldn't willfully hurt another, but he would fail to think about how his own actions might bring harm. On occasion, in situations he had not been taught to think otherwise, he failed to consider other people.
In matters in which he was schooled properly, his cousin was everything generous and kind. He had been raised to think of the plight of his servants and tents, the suffering of the poor, but he had also been raised to have most of society defer to him, to be suspicious of young ladies, and think little of the harm speaking meanly of the gentry did.
He was born into a society that spoke snidely of others as sport, over tea, and in drawing rooms, with little consideration as to the cost in such cases. His parents, God rest them, were among them, often thinking highly of themselves, pronouncing judgment on those of little consequence in society, as though they had some natural superiority for being born in better circumstances. Darcy had learned it, same as he did their better traits, thinking it was the natural way of things, never truly questioning it until his encounters with one Miss Elizabeth Bennet.
"What set you off in such a way, it could not have merely been the mother? Any rational man, knowing their circumstances, would see how to resolve it." inquired Richard, his anger beginning to temper when he recalled his cousin headed to the stables. He looked wounded, not proud, then.
Darcy, ashamed, detailed his overhearing of the ladies that afternoon and further replied, "I do not wish her to love me, I'm not cruel Richard, but I do wish her to think well of me."
To what purpose thought Richard, though he dare not speak it. He let his cousin rant, perhaps, if this situation were allowed to endure, his cousin would find himself to far gone and make an offer. Darcy deserved to love and be loved. If the colonel could assist so he would.
"Well, to that point I can say with confidence that any sensible woman, especially a rational one, like Miss Elizabeth, would not have the romantic imagination to leap from disdain to admiration in two days time Darcy. Though, I can see she thought a great deal better of you yesterday afternoon. God help you if she ever finds you tried to harm her sister." said Richard, with compassion, but not allowing Darcy to miss the material point, that he had harmed another.
"I'm ashamed Richard. Truly, I was lashing out like a wild animal, attempting to talk myself out of the affection I feel and can not act on. I had not thought of the harm it could cause Miss Bennet, or I should think, that I would have not spoken thus. My intent, though it makes me no better, was self-preservation, not harm." There it was. He had admitted it, to his closest confessor, Darcy thought.
"Darcy, you must make this right, you see that, do you not?" inquired Richard, softer this time, knowing what it cost his cousin in pride to confess the truth, especially to himself. His cousin, he knew, prided himself on keeping his person under good regulation, not opening himself up to ridicule, by giving in to passions as so many of his station often did. His cousin's years of well-meaning, but ill-guided, strict self-discipline, was resulting in a disastrous reckoning that was scarcely avoidable at this point.
"I will speak with Bingley at once Richard. I'll tell him while in some ways objectionable, those objections can be nothing if he works to mitigate their efficacy, and if he has her affection." suddenly wishing the same for himself.
"Very well, our next topic shall be garnering goodwill and good opinions without raising expectations," said Richard, imitating a schoolmarm, attempting to lighten the atmosphere. His cousin felt the sting of the wrongness of his actions, that much was clear, and Richard did not wish to see it fester into broadening, which, all things considered, was too easy a transition for his cousin. He saw it after Ramsgate, Darcy lost in remorse and guilt would help no one. His cousin was one to right his wrongs, after he saw them, though there was little cause to sympathize with how he had been about creating such situations of late. Though his cousin could be rather dense and unyielding when lost in his own thoughts, he felt reproof most keenly, perhaps because reproofs came to his ears so infrequently.
"I'm hardly in humour for it now, Richard" replied Darcy.
"Then it is a shame the student is not at liberty to choose the time of his lessons," replied Richard, winking, pouring a drink, and sitting firmly down in a manner that implied he would be present for a considerable length of time.
Darcy raised an eyebrow but just nodded.
Richard began covering the basics, while Darcy occasionally wore a scowl. The great gentleman from the north, in essence, began receiving instruction on how to grow out of petulance instead of further into it. Speak to many, feign interest in the topics they choose, ask after family members. Dance with many women, showing preference to none. It was imperative to be polite to everyone, thus it would hardly gain attention when he spoke to someone he may prove to be interested in. Politeness, simply put, was the price of being able to discover if one was interested in another, without causing a stir. Not giving offense was critical, scolded Richard, one never knew the far-reaching ramifications of such fleeting relief. Richard pointed out the upcoming ball as an excellent opportunity to inform them both on the progress of his awkward manners. As much as his progress with said manners had regressed earlier that evening, Richard had hope, some of the better attributes unearthed would endure.
"Surely, you can think of at least one woman it would be no punishment to stand up with," jested Richard, though his half brooding cousin was in no temper to endure it.
Taking a serious, though melancholy tone, Darcy, said, "Though I am in no real danger from her, I can assure you, I begin to think that dancing with her, in the proper way, at a proper ball, would be divine. I cannot think of asking it again of her though, knowing how little she wishes it. Not after this morning's revelations." replied Darcy, quite sullen, as though he had been denied his dearest wish.
"Darcy, she said only that she had no designs on you, and why should she? You have certainly given her no cause to pine after you. That, however, is far from not desiring to dance with someone, or thinking it a punishment to stand up with them. She seemed to enjoy partnering with you well enough last night. Only you and starry-eyed girls fresh from the schoolroom make so much of a single dance or two. I daresay she likes the activity. If you think she would object, ask her if she would mind you requesting a set, when the date is announced. Tell her you do not wish to impose upon her, after the spectacle you caused the last time." The colonel realized what Darcy did not, he was very much in danger of losing his own heart.
"I would hardly call it a spectacle, Richard. We spoke in her father's study" replied Darcy, rather daftly, and insensible of what his cousin had already picked up on, the whole town knew.
"I daresay, the gossip would have made it across the countryside before you arrived in the study. You slighted her in public Darcy, and I daresay she mocked you for it more than once prior to your apology. As we witnessed, she is not one to take an insult by sitting out and crying."
Darcy put his face in his hands, feeling the shame of it all over again. He was acting like an adolescent. Finally now, trying to interact with a woman at this stage in his life. "I'll do as you advise Richard." He may as well, he thought, he was already humiliated here, this would be all the more embarrassing in town, he may as well take his medicine where he had proved his illness.
"Oh, and Darcy, ask Miss Elizabeth if she has suggestions for your other partners," instructed Richard.
Darcy looked at him questioningly, and Richard replied "Explain to her that you are uncomfortable when you are not very well acquainted with your partners. She will know the most sensible partners to suggest for you. Showing humility will also help aid forgiveness." added Richard. The Colonel also thought Miss Elizabeth would not miss the implied compliment in the question as well, though Darcy would.