Chapter 31
The morning after the ball Mr. Collins had finally cornered her, her mother insisted that she stay and hear him. Her youngest sisters laughed, her eldest sister looked on with terror in her eyes, and Mary looked as though she had a streak of envy inhabiting her pious person, but they all left her to his effusions. He went on and on, insulting her portion and her situation, all while exclaiming it was no matter to him, though it seemed to matter very much to him that she be made well aware of her deficiencies.
Elizabeth, now frustrated with his unwillingness to accept her refusal, was determined to set him in another direction. If reason could not be prevailed upon, if respect for her objections would not halt his declarations, if Mr. Collins could not trouble himself to hear her opinion on joining him in the martial state, perhaps he would be willing to hear it from another.
She attempted another method, decidedly mimicking his own behavior, assuming it may better induce him to respect her wishes. She started spouting her own false flattery, hoping he would be persuaded by self-interest where reason and respect for her wishes had failed.
" My dear sir, it would be unjust for me to accept a man of such an exalted position before Lady Catherine DeBurgh when I know full well greater felicity in matrimony could be found elsewhere. Miss Bingley, who herself has declared, within your own hearing, her own approbation for you person, and has the pleasure of presenting her future husband with a dowry of twenty thousand pounds, is well able to make you far happier than it would be in my power to do, I am sure. Sir, I would be doing you a grave disservice to accept you. It would be unchristian of me to rob a clergyman of a dowry far more significant than I could hope to provide, and from a woman who holds you in far more affection, sir. Additionally, her verse is as skilled as your own in the art of flattery. For that skill alone Lady Catherine would be well pleased."
Mr. Collins' ears perked up. He was indeed beginning to see sense, to Elizabeth's eternal relief.
"It would be cruel to relieve a man of the cloth of such felicity. When you could become a gentleman so soon as the banns are read, thus being rewarded for your faithfulness in caring for God's flock. Such a felicitous couple could delight your dear patroness with all the compliments so deserved by one so condescending, yet of her station. Miss Bingley is well-practiced, even having had the opportunity for many years now to flatter that very Lady's nephew. Such a woman must be acceptable to her ladyship. How could I live with it, sir? To bring my near penniless person into a marriage with you when a better-dowered woman has expressed her approval of your person."
" Your scruples do you justice, my dear cousin," replied Mr. Collins, eager to dodge Mrs. Bennet and form an agreement with Miss Bingley, before the matron could protest.
Indeed, her scruples did her too much justice to scruple marrying Mr. Collins. Feeling little remorse and great relief she thus sent him on his way. "Make haste Mr. Collins for a woman's affections are indeed fickle, and she may deem her case hopeless and set her designs on a man of a less exalted position."
As Elizabeth knew Miss Bingley to prefer to feel superior in everything, she determined would she would readily allow her neighbor to feel superior in Mr. Collins's affections, for the sake of her own relief. Perhaps after the result of last evening's interference and false flattery, Miss Bingley would learn to occupy herself with her own concerns.