I posted a chapter earlier today, just in case you missed it.
Chapter 36
Mr. Bennet, immediately upon entering the room, cleared his throat, and briefly made the announcement, having had his fill of this morning's amusements. Everyone cheered and wished them joy with the exception of Mr. Collins, who seemed quite shocked which swiftly gave way to a general sense of feeling resentful and ill-used.
"Mr. Bingley, you've engaged in the worst duplicitousness, sir! Lulling me into a false sense of security while you stole my bride! It is unchristian sir, as you knew very well my intentions towards my dear cousin as I left Neitherfeild this morning. When Lady Catherines hears of this, I'm certain she will condescend to warn me of the dangers of being taken in by tradespeople and their vulgar sense of propriety and decorum, which I have now borne witness to, even this morning at your own table, and you now steal a bride from me after having been denied your sister. Sir, it is unpardonable! Even Christian charity cannot extend so far," cried Mr. Collins, barely taking a breath, fully ready to sermonize before Mrs. Bennet interupted.
The said lady was quite vexed, seeing her machinations threatened. "Stolen your Bride? Whatever can you mean sir? What can you be about? For I've told you from the beginning my eldest daughter's affections were otherwise engaged," cried Mrs. Bennet. Whatever he was about, Mrs. Bennet was not about to let Jane be snatched from a wealthy suitor for the sake of a bumbling clergyman, whatever he may inherit, as Jane could not have been so beautiful to land only Longbourn.
"I have had it from Miss Bingley, just this morning madam, that there were no serious designs on matrimony betwixt the two. Mr. Bingley, who was present himself, failed to state intentions otherwise, no doubt for an underhanded purpose, in order that I may not make my address first, and thus be accepted by my fair cousin, who surely would have accepted such an advantageous offer, allowing herself and all her family to remain at Longbourn after her father's demise, though I pray it is a long time in coming," said Mr. Collins, bowing in a conciliatory fashion to Mr. Bennet.
Jane looked quite confused, looking to Bingley to clarify. Bingley, stumbling on his own words, attempted to get a word in edgewise, to refute this oddity that would soon be his cousin, but was, in the end, too agreeable to speak his mind.
"I daresay my demise has not been speculated on by too few this morning," replied Mr. Bennet dryly. "Have I no hope that I may outlive you?"
"I must protest sir, The man has taken my bride from me by underhanded means. I insist you allow me to make my addresses to my cousin, so this wrong may be righted and, God willing, we will be united in matrimony, before Christmastide.'
"Of what underhand means do you speak sir? As I understand it my daughter was courted properly for weeks, the whole of the community expected his addresses, my daughter was applied to and consent was given. Which part of this do you protest?" replied Mr. Bennet, ready to mention he was, at present, still master of this estate, as reminding his cousin he was not dead yet had failed to carry his point.
"Sir I had determined to make my proposal to her, I should not have been cheated of my chance, for she surely would have accepted me!" cried Mr. Collins, feeling all of the imagined injustice of it.
"I understand you proposed to my Lizzy sir. At what point did you determine to propose to my dear Jane, Mr. Collins? Do you mean to ask one of my daughters each hour?"
Before Mr. Collins could reply Mrs. Bennet, decried her least favorite daughter "This is all that Lizzy's fault, had she accepted him, she should be engaged to him and he would have no claim on Jane. Oh Mr. Bennet, do you not see what you have done? Had you made her marry him, he would not attempt to take Mr. Bingley's intended bride!"
"Mrs. Bennet I must insist you calm yourself. Mr. Collins, when did you form your designs on Jane?" said Mr. Bennet, everyone watching with rapt attention, except the older two sisters who knew better than to draw excitement from Mr. Bennet's antics.
"Directly after I proposed to Miss. Bingley, sir. I then immediately transferred my affection to cousin Jane."
"And when did you propose to Miss Bingley sir?"
"This morning, I returned to Longbourn post-haste, but I was on foot sir and determined to write Lady Catherine of this morning's events, as is her due as my patroness." replied, Mr. Collins, though his audience knew the said Lady not well enough to understand the implications.
"Jane, it seems Mr. Collins intended to propose to you first, now that you know you may have such an illustrious husband, would you prefer to switch your intended?" Mr. Bennet asked dryly.
"Certainly not, I have accepted Mr. Bingley sir, and my affections are quite engaged," replied Jane demurely, seeing no real need to get caught up in the antics as she was one and twenty.
"Mr. Collins, it seems it would be far more efficient to form a line at the next assembly. For it seems you intend to seek a bride every few hours or so. Jane and Mr. Bingley are formally engaged, it can not be broken, sir, and I daresay the bride ought to have some say in the matter, and as she does not find the man who is to stand up with her to be interchangeable, I declare there is little to be done about the matter."
To Mrs. Bennet, there seemed little sense for him to form a public line when she still had an unattached daughter who would have him. What was her husband about, giving him the notion of inviting the unmarried ladies of the neighborhood into the affair, when they still had their own daughters to marry off? "I sure this business can all still be rectified Mr. Collins, my Mary is of a far more yielding temperament and you both prefer Fordyce as an author, it would give you much to speak on, I'm sure, though I can't say I care for it myself," mused Mrs. Bennet out loud.
Mary perked up, hope in her eyes, feeling sure it was her turn. Then Mr. Collins said, "Madam, you can not mean to insult me so! This abuse is unpardonable! You mean to foist your plainest daughter on me while withholding the two in greater beauty, denying the future heir of this estate what is his due, how am I to bear this insult agreeably, madam? I have been grievously ill-used and now you mean to pull the wool over my eyes, insisting one daughter is as good as the other. This has been done to me when I came to heal the breach, extend the olive branch, make up for the entailment that so grievously injured your daughters! You do my Christian generosity no justice madam, indeed you show it no consideration, to cheat me of your finest fruit in such a way," said Mr. Collins, feeling himself fully in the right, thinking on the sensibilities of the matter of matrimony no further than as though he were being cheated of better meat at the market.
They all gaped at the insult to Mary, and Lydia shouted "La! What a fine joke, even Mary could find a better husband. I suppose she would refuse you too, every unattached woman in the county must escape you! We shall call it a game and hide! Oh, I'm sure our friends will wish to join. Mayhap I'll be found by a handsome soldier and he'll marry me instead, sparing me your address when it's my turn! What a fine lark it would be! I'm sure the most handsome would seek me out, they would all be fighting over me for though I am the youngest, I'm also the prettiest, next to Jane and she is now taken."
Mary, during the course of Lydia's speech, rose, looked Mr. Collins in the eye and as soon as her sister finished said, "As a clergyman sir, I'm sure you well know, a Christian woman ought not to be adorned by things of this world, but by a demeanor acceptable to God, being dressed in good works, and a man of God ought not to chase after his own lusts but instead endeavor to pursue the things of God. I daresay I would have refused you too." she curtsied and left Mr. Collins gaping as it seems for once he could not think of a reply.
"Oh, Mr. Bennet, do you not see what allowing Lizzy to run wild has done? Now Mary is defiant too! Had you made her marry him, they would now be engaged." cried Mrs. Bennet at the injustice of her plans going awry due to one stubborn daughter.
The Bennets began to bicker amongst themselves and Charlotte Lucus was wondering how she may induce him to Lucas Lodge when Mr. Darcy was announced, and by all appearances noticed the house was in an uproar, having likely heard at least some sound that ensued due Mrs. Bennet's lamentations and Mr. Collins insistence at ill use.
"Darcy," shouted Bingley, in his usual jovial spirit, "You are to wish me joy!"
Before Darcy could reply, Lydia shouted, thinking of what Bingley had confessed about Darcy's interference, and thought he must mean to stop Bingley's proposal, "La, you are too late Mr. Darcy, for they are already engaged!"
Darcy's eyes bulged out of his head, thinking her family must have impressed upon Elizabeth to marry Mr. Collins, in pure panic he turned to her and in desperation to set the matter to rights said, "I beg of you to relieve my suffering madam, and consent to be my wife instead, please allow me to tell you how ardently I love and admire you." He had not planned to make so public an address, but there was nothing to be done for it, rumors of a prior engagement to Mr. Collins could not be spread, her family would need to know forthwith she would marry him. He had initially thought to say more, however, after having witnessed Mr. Collins's proposal that morning he thought better of listing a bride's faults and trusted instead that Elizabeth would know he had thought the matter though in its entirely.
"Yes, yes, she will have you, I'm sure Mr. Darcy. Mr. Bennet, tell Mr. Darcy that Elizabeth will have him. Oh, Elizabeth you sly thing, you should have told me. I would not have thrown you to Mr. Collins had I known you could have Mr. Darcy. I beg of you do not frighten him with your impertinence before the wedding." answered Mrs. Bennet for her.
"I will not have him, madam," said Elizabeth coldly, to her mother, ignoring Darcy entirely.
"You can not prefer to marry Mr. Collins? Is this all the pleasure of a reply that I am to receive, and with so little civility?" gaped Mr. Darcy, astounded, as he did not expect the objections to come from her quarter, but perhaps Mr. Collins.
"Mr. Darcy, did you not conspire against and attempt to ruin, perhaps forever, the happiness of my most beloved sister? You can not believe that I would accept you! How dare you, sir, seek to harm those I love, for presumably your own interests, then suppose that I would join you in matrimony. Your behavior towards my sister has effectively addressed all of my confusion about your character sir. What would you feel towards someone who had so conspired against your sister? Twisting even your words as an argument against her? All the while feigning friendship towards you? Could you sir, join your life with someone who had so schemed against a most beloved sister? "
Mr. Darcy did not need to think on what his answer would be, his resentment was implacable, his good opinion once lost was lost forever. If someone who had harmed his sister, had designs on him, his lack of civility would far outweigh hers.
"Oh but Lizzy, no harm was done." cried Jane, "If you really feel affection for him I could hold no grudge."
"That hardly means no harm was intended," cried Elizabeth, "What else could he have been about? To.." but Mrs. Bennet interrupted her, "Mr. Bennet, you will make her marry him!"
"I will not have Miss Elizabeth forced into matrimony, I will withdraw my suit, madam," he bowed and left, out the door rather more swiftly than was proper, and once again found himself fleeing Longborne. Elizabeth fled in the opposite direction.
Not a person in the room could put two words together to begin the formation of a sentence, Mrs. Bennet and Mr. Collins included. Lydia and Kitty burst into laughter thinking it all a fine joke. Charlotte rose to take her leave, thinking her friend a fool for turning down two such eligible suiters, though little could be done about it now, as it was never effective to reason with Lizzy when she was in a temper.
Mr. Collins, determining there was no bride for him in Hertfordshire, began to pack, putting himself on the heels of his express to Lady Catherine, declaring to everyone who would hear him the lack of civility he found in Hertfordshire, of his ill-fated proposals, and of course how his cousin had dared try to steal Miss De Bourg's intended.
Thoughts? Dear readers, your silence is deafening after all the responses I received to Mr. Collins first to proposals, which by the way made me laugh harder than what I had written. What did you guys think of Lydia's inadvertent role in this mess? Did Darcy have it coming or do you think Elizabeth should have demanded an explanation? He did try to fix it, though Elizabeth doesn't know that. Does she definitely have a right to feel betrayed? What do you think of Darcy taking a lesson from Collins' style of proposal? And Mr. Collins, a lot happened due to his proposal to Miss Bingley. I've started writing her reaction to hearing Darcy proposed. Would you guys like to see Collins return with Lady Catherine? I'll a little torn on that myself. I have an outline for the rest of the story, but the chapters aren't quite filled in yet.