Chapter 39
Caroline Bingley seldom allowed herself to be sensible to anything that didn't affirm her designs. If something stood in contradiction with her aspirations, she would too soon explain it away, before she had the benefit of any real reflection. True to her disposition, in absence of her guests, she quite began to think the current circumstance could be rectified if only she resorted to her prior fawning over Darcy forthwith, as he clearly did not prefer a more forward woman, with some finessing on her part, his reproof would be short-lived.
She was determined to be a consummate hostess, allowing her guests to make do with nothing subpar, insisting everything would be superior. She harassed her staff and abused her cook, as all needed to compare well to perfection to regain her momentum towards marital bliss. One mark against her, in all the years of carefully crafted display, would hardly be grounds for Darcy to dismiss his designs on her, she would rise to his latest challenge of maintaining grace and decorum even with the threat of possible defeat.
He was testing her poise under pressure, she was sure, satisfying himself that she would be a credit to the Darcy name, even in the face of adversity. Why else would such a consummate gentleman fail to step in to shield her from the odious insults of that insipid parson?
Her strategy in place, she bravely sat before her brother when he returned, informing him that his affections for Miss Bennet were injuring her chances with Darcy, as he would never countenance taking on such ill-bred relations. Darcy, she declared, would not suffer marrying into any family that included the Bennets, no matter how slight the connection.
"Caroline, are you without your senses? Darcy informed you himself he would never offer for you. Furthermore, I'm engaged to Miss Jane Bennett, and in case you need further proof - Darcy offered for Miss Elizabeth Bennett this morning,..." but before he could finish relating the matter in full she hit the floor in a dead faint, and he was half afraid she had suffered a fatal apoplexy, even at such an early age.
As he was running for help, Colonel Fitzwilliam was returning, "What has happened man?" inquired the Colonel seeing his host in distress.
"Caroline needs assistance, I was just telling her Darcy proposed to Miss Elizabeth, but.."
The Colonel interrupted, already knowing the result of such a lacking courtship. "Good God where is he?"
"When I returned I was told he already quit the house, off to London, I suppose. I dare say it's all my fault. I've done him a dreadful turn."
"Whatever has happened, I dare say it's not all your fault, see your sister settled and return to the study, I need you to voice everything you can recollect," ordered the Colonel.
The Colonel departed to refresh himself, not particularly concerned with the state of Miss Bingley; she was, after all, bound to take it quite hard.
Bingley calmed himself at the Colonel's nonchalance, thinking he would better know the seriousness of his sister's fainting due to seeing wounded men as a matter of his profession, summoned several footmen to carry her off to her rooms, and had the apothecary called at once. Like Mrs. Bennet, it seemed she was only wanting for some smelling salts.
Bingley and Richard closed themselves off in his study, insisting they should not be disturbed until they exited of their own volition. "From the top to the bottom good man, leave nothing out, tell me what you know, what you think you know, and any details you can remember."
"Well, um, I daresay, it's been quite an eventful morning, you see…" Bingley started with Collins announcing himself in the breakfast parlor and explained as best he could how Collins' declared his intentions towards Miss Elizabeth (which Caroline had somehow provoked), thus Elizabeth convinced him to propose to Caroline, then Caroline announced her intent to marry Darcy and sent him to Jane.
Bingley became particularly agitated relaying the next bit, but the Colonel thought he could make out from Bingley's mutterings that he had set out and beat the clergyman to the fight for Miss Jane Bennet's affections, half proposing and ending up engaged, his misgivings were cleared up at the expense of Darcy, when shortly thereafter Darcy was announced and Lydia caused him to think Elizabeth was engaged to Collins (thinking he had come to stop Bingley), and Darcy then requested she marry him instead, then Miss Elizabeth soundly abused him, which was no small fault of Bingley's, then Collins tried to insist on Jane as his bride again, and then Mary eventually declared she would not have him (though the Colonel couldn't tell if she was proposed to or if it was just a general statement of her lack of intent), and finally the infamous parson ran off to tell Lady Catherine, who would be "most seriously displeased."
The Colonel gaped while he tried to wade through it all, he had left two grown men to their own devices for less than a half a day, thinking nothing of it (which would have to be reconsidered the next time something of a serious nature was afoot), and by this account, Bingley was lucky to be engaged and his cousin was lucky to be in one piece.
Was that at least six proposals he had counted, five of them failing to succeed at obtaining a bride? That was if you could accuse Bingley's engagement of starting with a proposal. Someone should have been of a mind to bring that clergyman to his senses much earlier in the day, mused Richard. Unfortunately, it seemed Darcy and Bingley were happy to let him waddle about, proposing marriage to unsuspecting maidens throughout the entire duration of the morning. To the Colonel's mind, all they had needed to do was to take him aside and cause a delay, telling the man to spend a fortnight meditating on which candidate Lady Catherine would prefer. It was a wonder the two of them had such well-run estates; it was rather unjust that people thought second sons were of so little use, reflected the Colonel, as they were far more sensible in their dealings. At any rate, whether or not Bingley had asked, Miss Bennet had accepted, and the Colonel wished them every joy.
Richard knew the trouble was not over yet, it seemed Lady Catherine was destined to swoop down on Hertfordshire like a rabid old bat, determined to bite someone, as soon as the morning's events reached her ears. There was nothing to be done about it, except avoid her, and see if the lively Miss Elizabeth Bennet could be kept from her sights.
The Colonel explained his aunt's manners were far worse than Darcy's, as she was both ignorant and dictatorial, then asked, "Is it possible to have her out of the county when my aunt comes? I daresay she should have to suffer no more verbal abuses from my relations, especially not my most infamous one at that, and worse, I think it likely Lady Catherine has been agitated into quite a state by her ridiculous parson."
"Jane mentioned perhaps taking Lizzy to London to shop for her trousseau, she thought her sister may need some peace from her mother's lamentations. The whole household is in a stir, as it was here, Mrs. Bennet has had quite a bit to say on her daughter rejecting two suitors in not two days. I've explained it all, my part in the matter, at any rate, to Jane, even before I returned here, I pray her sister is more forgiving when she hears the whole of it and sees no damage was done."
The second they left the confines of the study, an express was handed off to the Colonel. He was called back to his regiment in two days' time. If the Colonel left forthwith, he could go to London before heading back north, it was no minor inconvenience, but someone had to make Darcy see sense, and put the matter to rights. His cousin needed to know that his Miss Bennet was not engaged, and with some sense and humility, he may be able to mend this matter so long as he would think before he spoke and determine to give no further offense.
The Colonel called for his horse to be saddled, begged Bingley would take leave of the Bennets for him. He requested that he wish the bride joy, and wish the rest of them all the very best, with any luck they would all soon be family, so long as his cousin could be reasoned with and his intended was just as forgiving as she was the last time. A hell of a mess was made while he was about other matters that morning.