Sorry, it's a day late. I'm truly grateful to all of you for following along so far. I never thought I would need so many chapters to tell the story. I never would have guessed that I'd make it to 300 follows (on the nose) and more than 500 comments. Let me know what you think!

Chapter 50

Elizabeth was out of her usual spirits and behaving in a rather morose manner, though she troubled herself to try and hide it; taking great pains to be in good cheer for Jane's sake, her sister had every right to her joy, tempered though it was by her sister's sullenness. She couldn't remove her mind from Darcy. Confused as she felt when she had left Meryton, she now felt she had arrived at answers for her own feelings, if not answers in regards to his actions, that part remaining but speculation.

Upon reflection, she could not help but noting her remembrance of pain in his eyes. It haunted her, what hurt him hurt her as well, even if it were her words that caused him to suffer thus; she couldn't bear to see him in pain - regardless if he were deserving. Was he deserving of her anger? She wished she had answers, though she knew the fault lay with her, at least in part, that she had none. She could have demanded answers before she had rushed to refuse him in anger.

She had been thinking on what she knew of him - his warmth in the garden, his concern for his sister, his candor even when it was ill-advised. It had been coming on so gradually, that she hardly knew when it began. It seemed her sentiments were constantly assaulted by that which would cause confusion -namely his own behavior but it was certainly added to by others.

Not moments after she thought him handsome had he insulted her appearance, he apologized and became excellent company, she found herself often looking forward to him, wondering what he would think about this or that. Miss Bingley had implied he would be dishonorable towards her, so had Wickham: but he had made her an offer of marriage. He appeared to be assisting Jane while running interference with Miss Bingley, but then his friend confessed he had almost abandoned Jane because of Darcy's warnings, though now she considered he may only have been urging carefulness, as Charlotte and Jane had offered as excuses for him. Vexing man, one would think someone so seemingly straightforward would seldom prove to be such a riddle.

She meditated on what she wished for in a husband, began now to comprehend that he could be exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. Beyond mutual affection, she wished for a true partner in life. Mr. Darcy had displayed his willingness to see her as an equal throughout their acquaintance. He changed his behavior based on her reproofs, he sought her opinions and worked to implement them. He even respected her wishes by quitting the house when she refused his marriage proposal, Mr. Collins did not care for her perspective on her marital state- though she would hardly hold that man up as a standard. The more Elizabeth meditated on the matter, the more she believed Charlotte was right - he hadn't been fleeing her questions as much as he had been fleeing her mother's insistence. Had he not said something about not forcing her before he departed? She wished now that she could remember his words more clearly, so overcome with anger was she at the time that she had hardly heard what he said.

His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was a union that would have been to the advantage of both: by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved; and from his steadfastness, concern for those in his care, and knowledge of the world, she must have received the character traits she most desired in a partner.

She was convinced that she could have been happy with him, when it was no longer likely they should meet. Surely he would avoid her now, sad though it was that her revelation was tardy - she now knew without a doubt that she loved him. With little to be done about it though, she made her way downstairs determined that her family should not suffer for her afflictions, she would do her best to present her cheerful self.

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs she was immediately summoned to Mr. Gardniers's study by a servant. She perked up, perfectly willing to deceive him as to her cheer so long as it spared them further concern for her well-being. I would profit nothing to have them worry for her.

"Elizabeth, there you are, please do sit down. I have something that I must relay to you," he said while nodding towards the chair.

"Now then, know that neither your aunt nor I will pressure you, though we offer you our counsel if you should come to believe yourself in need of it," he said, lifting his hand as she went to speak. "Please hear me out first Lizzy, a few days ago I was summoned by Mr. Darcy. He expressed his desire to explain himself to you, only after assurances that we would by no means pressure you, which of course is to his credit, though he was forthright that an apology was owed. This letter is from him, I need not impress upon you the risk to your reputation if it is to be discovered. Though I have consented to its delivery, believing you may need time to reflect on his words before you react," he said, giving her a pointed look. She could not rightly answer that, so she remained silent.

"He has offered to call a few days after you've read it, if you send him away, I have his word that he will not trouble you again." Her eyes bulged and her heart panicked, as her uncle relayed the last bit, but she sat there, suppressing every natural urge to grab the letter and ravage it for answers.

"Though I think it only right, once you've decided, for me to send a response letting him know if he would be welcomed. The man ought not to suffer any longer than he has to, though I will not rush you to decide. Your aunt and I will take Jane to the gardens today, we thought you would be in need of some privacy."

She thanked him politely and took the letter, suppressing every sense of urgency that the situation provoked, as decorum required, she instead slowly made her way to her room.

She read the letter, his letter, a first time, a second, and then a third, she could not remove her eyes from the page even to pause to reflect upon her own feelings. She heard the faint sounds of her family departing at some point, finally putting the pages down as she could scarcely believe his words. There was no doubt now that she loved him and he loved her too!

Oh, if only she had the freedom to go to him or write to him herself, but it couldn't be done with any semblance of decency, not even a woman of ill repute would attempt it, so she did not, knowing that she must wait for her uncle to return. She read his letter yet again, unwilling to part with his words. He was no more or less flawed than herself. He saw the error of his ways and had acted to correct it. Though it seems he had hardly helped the matter, nor was he as innocent as Charlotte and Jane had purported, he did try to do right and make things right when he was discovered to be in the wrong.

She paced the floor, scarcely containing her joy and contentment, hardly able to wait upon her family's arrival, not being due for some hours yet. Her thoughts were interrupted by a pounding upon the door.