For the One I Love
Chapter Fourteen
"The Clothing Store"
"Hey Usagi, are you okay? You still got that nasty cold that went around during Christmas?" Usagi blinked and looked up as she felt her friend's warm hand press against her forehead.
"Huh? I'm not sick anymore."
"Hm? Then is it about that rumor that got spread about Mizuno-san?"
"Oh, no. I just..."
"Have a lot on your mind..." Naru sighed as she finished the sentence for her, taking her hand away from Usagi's forehead. "You say that every time I catch you spacing out now, which you've been doing a lot more than usual. What's up?"
"Err..." Usagi hesitated. There were a lot of things on her mind at the moment, none of which she could really tell Naru about, or she didn't really feel like talking about. The Dark Moon Clan seemed to be getting stronger and more active. While the Sailor Senshi were running into Esmeraude more often, they hadn't seen any sign of Sailor Star Fighter since Esmeraude first gave that ominous warning a few days back about the Dark Gate. She seemed to be a Senshi that came and went of her own accord.
To top it all off, Usagi still hadn't been able to properly face Seiya. The thing she'd wished for most to happen had happened, getting back together with Mamoru. Yet she couldn't seem to be able to come out and tell Seiya that. Seiya has been acting odd as well. There was something about the way he smiled at her now that wasn't like his usual self, and he never flirted with her anymore. She almost began to wonder if Seiya somehow knew already, but that only made facing him seem worse for some reason.
"Usaagiii..."
"Huh what?" She jumped at the sound of her own voice. "Naru, you're still here?"
"Of course I'm still here." Naru flicked Usagi's nose. "Honestly. Don't go off into your own world in the middle of someone talking to you. If it's something you can't tell me, just say so."
"Naru..."
"I'm just concerned about you is all."
"Thanks, but, I'll be okay. Promise." Usagi smiled at Naru unconvincingly, getting up from the soft grass where they had been eating lunch. "I'm gonna head home early today, tell Ami and Makoto when they get here that I'll meet them later?"
"What, already?" Naru asked slightly taken aback. "We still have three more classes."
"Chibi-Usa's been home sick, I'm going to go check up on her."
"Isn't your mom home with her- hey!" Usagi waved as she ignored Naru's last remark and hastily walked away. Chibi-Usa, though really at home sick, was just a scapegoat. The more Usagi thought about it, the more she couldn't stand the thought of that sunken Seiya sitting behind her in class. She would see him again on her own terms, or at least that was the plan, until…
"Seiya?" Usagi didn't mean to call to his attention as she stopped, spotting him also about to exit the entrance gates of their school. Seiya turned around, his eyes lighting up in muffled surprise.
"Dumpling..." Usagi didn't say anything back. They stood there in silence, facing one another for what felt like forever, Usagi's heart thumping against her chest. Quiet sounds escaped her mouth as she struggled to find something to say, anything to say, to the man standing before her. Seiya watched as she struggled, his own heart pounding. "You know!" He suddenly said in a cheery voice. "I'm still waiting for an answer, about my official asking." He winked.
"Ah!" His sudden change in attitude caught Usagi off guard, but only for a moment. They were onto the topic Usagi wasn't ready to talk about yet. She remembered their date, and her heart beat even more frantically. Looking at Seiya's smiling face, something inside of her pained, and she couldn't bring herself to tell him that Mamoru was back in her life.
"Let me know sometime soon, okay Dumpling? See yah!" He spared her more awkwardness and left. He left the same way she intended to go, but Usagi stayed rooted to the spot, allowing some distance to develop between them. She couldn't have gone after him, even if she tried.
Instead of turning right, Seiya took a hard left, deciding to loop around a couple blocks in order to get home. This would ensure that Usagi wouldn't have to follow him for as long in order to get to her own house, where he assumed she was going. It appeared she had the same idea he did, leaving early so they wouldn't have to face each in other in class. He knew why he was running away, but he wondered why she was. Why was it so hard for her to turn him down, which he knew would be the answer to his proposal, now that she had finally gotten Mamoru back?
Not really paying attention to where his feet were carrying him, Seiya was slightly surprised when he realized he'd already reached the door to his apartment. He opened it and stepped inside, taking off his shoes and lazily throwing his school bag down next to them. His body hit the couch with a nice thud and he continued to think. "No..." He told himself. "No, that's not the reason..." He had to stop fooling himself into believing the things he wanted. He knew better than to believe the reason Usagi was having a hard time was because some part of her had feelings other than friendship for him... he knew it, he told himself, and he knew Usagi... the reason she was having such a hard time turning him down was because they were good friends... and Usagi was a good person. She wouldn't want to hurt anyone, especially a good friend. Right?
Seiya rolled from his side onto his back, staring up at the dark ceiling. "Maybe it's time to leave..." He said to the emptiness. He thought it over after he said it, what leaving would really mean. He didn't like the idea of leaving them in the midst of a battle. He still had a gut feeling he couldn't explain about this enemy and the things that were taking place between them and the Senshi. Yet at the same time, his goal was never to help them win this battle. "After all," He told himself. "they'll win it eventually. I've seen the proof of that..."
That day's work was a slow, boring, torturous one. Seiya was half hoping for a busy day so he wouldn't be able to let his mind wander, but that hoping went in vain. He had all the time in the world to think about Usagi and his next move, about six hours of it. Even if the work itself was slow, he thought at least his co-worker Hitomi would be able to keep him somewhat cheery, but the two had barely spoken their entire shifts. It seemed Hitomi too, had things on her mind. It was near closing before they spoke to each other again.
"Er, Seiya-kun?" Hitomi looked up from the register she was sitting at, to Seiya who was washing the store windows.
"Yeah?"
"I was just wondering if you were okay? You seem kind of... out of it today."
"Oh, yeah, well... I'm not the only one it seems." He flashed her a half grin which made her blush slightly.
"Y-you noticed?"
"Of course I noticed. You're usually very cheerful."
"Oh, uh..." She smiled to herself, tucking her hair behind her ear. "So, anyway, what's up with you? Problems with girls?" She teased.
"Yeah..."
"Oh." Hitomi said, mentally kicking herself for bringing up the topic. "With... Tsukino-san?" She bit her bottom lip and looked down at her hands. When Seiya didn't answer, Hitomi looked back up to find him staring outside. "Did...did she reject you?"
"Officially, not yet. But I have a feeling, I'm about to be..."
"Huh?" Hitomi watched him flip the "Open" sign to "Closed", walk over to the door and open it. Usagi entered looking solemn, her hands clenched tightly together in front of her chest and her cheeks a pearly pink. She stood staring at the floor as Seiya closed the door behind her.
"Hey dumpling, what brings you here? I'm almost off work."
"I-I know." She said still not looking at him. "I wanted to make sure I caught you before you went home... I don't know exactly where you live."
"Oh, what for?"
"I-" She glanced up at him and faltered at his smile. "Er-" She looked down again, then around her, spotting Hitomi. "Oh, sorry, I didn't-"
"Hitomi can you-" Seiya started.
"Hey! I got to run down to storage really quick okay? Manager wanted a count on that shipment we recently got in." Without a second glance at Seiya or Usagi, she walked over and disappeared behind the storage room door. After, Usagi and Seiya continued to stand there, Usagi looking at the floor, and Seiya looking at Usagi.
"Seiya I-"
"Did you know that Earth gives eight classifications of stars?" He changed the subject. Usagi slowly turned around to look at him. He was smiling, staring out of the store window. "Protostars, T Tauri stars, Red Giants, White Dwarfs, Red dwarfs, Neutrons, Supergiants, and Main Sequence Stars-"
"Seiya I... I have-" She whispered quietly as her heart ached again, trying to get back on topic. He wasn't making this any easier on her.
"When it's in the T Tauri stage, it's at its most beautiful and most pure, because it's newly born. No evil, no darkness, nothing has touched it to contaminate it. At the same time, even the purest of stars are better when they're not alone. That's why I like it when it officially joins the Main Sequence, because it's no longer-"
"Seiya! I have an answer for you!" She finally managed to cut across.
Seiya stopped rambling and turned to look at her, giving her his full attention. When she didn't say anything more Seiya smiled meekly at her and said, "Well, let's hear it." Usagi met his eyes for the first time since she entered the store. It was if she was mentally pleading with him to make her stop, to not make her have to say it. "Whatever it is Dumpling, I want to hear it."
"I'm scared!"
"Huh?" Seiya blinked, taken aback. That wasn't near what he was expecting her to say.
"I'm scared of losing you! I don't know why- but for some reason... for some reason I get this sinking feeling that if I don't answer- if I don't say what you want me to say... I'm scared you'll leave me. That you'll disappear out of nowhere. I don't want you to leave like that!"
"Dumpling, I..." He clenched his jaw together. This very afternoon, he had been debating on leaving.
"You have to promise me. You have to promise that no matter what, you won't disappear from my life. Promise?" Seiya looked down into those sad royal blue eyes.
"I promise..." He walked over and touched the side of her cheek. "...I'll never leave the life of Tsukino, Usagi." And he wouldn't leave the life of Usagi. This Usagi would meet him again one day... it was all he could say to reassure her and still be honest. He couldn't stay with this particular Usagi forever, especially now. She eyed him for a second to see the sincerity in his eyes, and then...
"Then, I'm sorry!" Seiya's hand was left in midair where her cheek once was, as Usagi quickly bowed to him. "I'm sorry, but I have to decline your offer to me." To her astonishment, she heard him laugh.
"I was beginning to wonder if you were having second thoughts on your decision, with how long it's taken you to finally answer me." Seiya gently placed his hand under Usagi's chin, lifting her slowly out of the bow. "I've lost." He smiled. "But, may I hold you? Just one last time?"
"Ah." Usagi blushed, and hesitantly nodded. "Un, okay..." As Seiya wrapped his arms around her in an embrace, he closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold back the onset of emotions he was feeling. He didn't know that on his shoulder, Usagi was trying to do the same. "Remember..." She whispered. "You promised. No leaving me..."
"… I had been so sure…" He muffled dejectedly into her shoulder. "I was sure you had to have felt something, but, I guess I really have just misread everything, again…."
"But! I-" Usagi tore away from their embrace still clutching onto his arms. "I did- I mean- ah!" Usagi clasped her hands over her mouth, looking terrified. Seiya stood rooted to the spot, shell shocked, his eyes and mouth wide open. He swallowed hard.
"You … did? … Felt something?"
Usagi shook her head. "Please, forget I said that! I don't want you to get the wrong idea!"
His mind was racing, thinking back, back to a scene that involved cherry blossoms. Do you really feel nothing, he had asked her. Nothing at all? … She never answered him. Until now. This Usagi had feelings for him, he knew it, and surely, his did as well? Yet, then and now he still lost. Why? "Usagi, what if…" He started to say. "What if, we had met earlier? Would I have a chance then?"
"Seiya…" Usagi looked at him, almost pityingly. "It's not possible. There is no earlier. I'm sorry." Seiya pressed his hand against his chest where the time key sat underneath his shirt. The reason he didn't win here, was now so simple to him now. He had asked to be taken to a time where Usagi and Mamoru were not together, and technically speaking, they weren't…as a couple, but their hearts still were. He knew since first arriving that Mamoru had most likely left Usagi for a reason, and it seemed as if that reason had ended. Both the Usagi in the present and the Usagi standing in front of him were wrong though. There was an earlier, a time that Seiya could go to where they truly weren't together, a time before they had even met… the Silver Millennium of the past.
"Arg!"
"Seiya? Seiya!"
"Don't come..."
Everything was burning, covered in flames. A large building was charred black and crumbling to the ground. A young Usagi in a white flowing gown with gold beading was reaching out for him, screaming. "Help me! Please! Help me!" She struggled against a man in white clothing with shoulder length white hair. He wrapped his arms around her, dragging her down into the flames with him, laughing hypercritically...
"Seiyaaa! Seiyaaa!"
"Seiya!" He opened his eyes to see Usagi inches from his face, her arms holding tightly onto his shoulders. "Hey, are you okay? You grabbed your head and it looked like you were about to pass out!" He gracefully moved her hands away from him and rubbed his temples.
"Don't worry, it's just been an exhausting work day... really." He poked her nose when she continued to stare at him apprehensively. "That's all it is okay? I'll be fine after some sleep."
"Really?"
"Yes, really." Seiya looked outside at the darkened sky then at the clock. "It's late. Can you wait for me to finish up my closing routine and then I'll walk you home?"
"Oh uh, no, it's okay. Luna's waiting."
"The cat? Okay..." He didn't feel well. Both his body and his heart, and he could tell as well from her tone and answer that Usagi didn't think a walk home with each other after she'd just rejected him was a good idea. "I'll see you to the door at least."
"Seiya?" Usagi asked once she was halfway outside. "I'll see you at school tomorrow... right?"
"I promise Dumpling. Goodnight." He willed a smile.
"Goodnight…" She returned the smile, but it was an unsure one. She stopped a few steps out to glance over her shoulder at him, before finally turning and walking away.
After Seiya shut and locked the door behind her, he propped his head up against it and shut his eyes trying to shake off the headache. "Silver Millennium..." Seiya whispered. "If I go there, I know it- ouch." He touched his head again for it gave a small thud.
"Seiya?" A soft female voice called his name from over by the cash register. "Are, you okay?"
"Yeah, fine. Tired." Seiya rubbed his temples once more before pushing himself off the door and forced himself around to look at Hitomi.
"So, Tsukino-san is gone now? If you don't mind my asking... what did she need?"
"Oh, nothing much." Seiya said walking over to the counter. "Just as I predicted, I got dumped." He smirked. "Well, rejected. I can't be dumped without dating first..." He walked behind the counter and opened the cash register, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper from inside it which he quickly began to write on.
"... You're okay?" Hitomi asked. "I thought...you loved her?"
"I do love her. Very much."
"But...you're giving up, right?"
"No. I'm not giving up, but... I'm not going to force it here so... there's no point in my staying here anymore."
"You're not giving up? But you're... not staying... you're leaving? I, don't understand."
"Sorry Hitomi," Seiya finished writing on the piece of paper. He opened the cash register again and this time took out a paper envelope which they used for containing money. He folded up the letter, stuck it inside the envelope and then licked the envelope shut. After scribbling on the front of it, he set down the pen, and looked over at Hitomi, arm outstretched with the letter in hand. "I was hoping I could ask a big favor of you before I leave."
"But- leave? Where? F-for how long?"
"I have somewhere I need to go now, and... I don't plan on coming back again."
The letter flew out of Seiya's hand and onto the store floor as he planted his feet as firmly to the ground as he could, preventing himself from being thrown backwards. After catching his balance, he looked down to see a head full of brown hair buried into his chest. Hitomi had charged at him, her arms now fully and tightly around his waist. "Why?" She cried. "Why can't it be me? Am I not good enough?" Seiya winced. "Pl-please don't leave! D-don't stay for Tsukino-san! Stay for me! I like you! I have liked you!"
Seiya wrapped his arms around Hitomi, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I'm sorry." He said quietly. "I didn't notice, but even if I had...even if it's one sided, Usagi will always be my one and only... " Hitomi didn't say anything, but continued to splash tears down Seiya's front. "Trust me when I say, this wasn't meant to be. You'll meet someone someday. Until then... I'm sorry." Seiya stood there for a minute with his arms around her, letting her cry. She didn't resist when he slowly started to push her away.
"There's no way, to change your mind?" Hitomi looked longingly into Seiya's eyes, but he just shook his head. She bent her head down, tears still flowing down her cheeks. "I still don't... understand. If you're not giving up... why are you leaving? Why do you have to leave all of a sudden?"
"I can't really explain." Seiya said and paused for a moment. "...It's late, I got to go Hitomi. You need to get home as well." Hitomi choked back a hard sob as she nodded in reply. Seeing something on the ground, Hitomi bent over and came back up holding the letter she had previously knocked out of his hand. "You don't have to." Seiya said suddenly as Hitomi looked down upon the front of the envelope. "I was just hoping-"
"I don't understand any of this, but... I'll try to do it." She smiled warmly at his reaction. "I promise, I won't burn it or read it or cut it up or anything. Think of it as a... farewell gift?" After saying it, Hitomi hung her head once more, fighting back another round of tears.
"I really am, sorry..."
"Don't worry about me. I bounce back fast..." Hitomi walked over to the cash register and pulled out a key from inside her pocket. "We better lock up." They carried out the last part of their closing duties in silence. Hitomi counted the money they had earned for the day, made a note, then locked the register as well as the storage room door. Seiya organized the racks of clothing, took out the trash, and cleaned the shop floor. When everything was done, they grabbed their belongings, flipped off the store lights and headed out the door. Hitomi was the last one out, locking it behind her. They stood there quietly staring across from one another, neither one sure of what to say. Seiya had never imagined like this happening. He knew in time she would get over it, he hoped at least, but for now he knew he had caused someone a great pain. He knew all too well the pain of rejection.
"Well." Hitomi broke the quiet. "I guess, this is goodbye?"
"Apologize to Manager for me?"
"I will."
Seiya could tell she was trying not to cry again. He strode forward and grabbed her hand, kissed it quickly, and sped off. "Thank you!" He shouted as he took off.
"Ah-" Hitomi cried, a little taken aback by the sudden gesture and departure. "Seiya!" She called after him, but he was gone. "Un..." She wiped the tears from her eyes, clutching the letter to her chest. "Good luck..." She whispered to herself. Then she too, left the store front of the now dark, empty clothing shop.