Total Drama: Clash of the Titans – Episode 11: Flight of Schmancy

"Last time on Total Drama: Clash of the Titans, our final six competed in a stage play competition for the ages. Sugar and new ally Lightning bonded over their hatred of our sponsored movie, which unfortunately cost us a sponsor, mind you! Either way, their relationship is gross! Meanwhile, Courtney followed Scott's lead and located the last idol in the game, but had to recruit Jasmine's help to get it. In the challenge, Courtney and Sugar's raw, unbridled hatred won them immunity, and in a dramatic turn of events, Jasmine convinced Courtney to let her keep the idol and play it for herself. And in the end, it was Beth who faced the Ferry of Shame!"

Jasmine angrily peeked over Chris' shoulder, cutting the montage of flashbacks. "Uh, are you really wasting time doing a recap now?!"

Chris gulped. "Maybe. I don't know what's going on! But we'll find out here, on Total… Drama… Clash of the Titans!"

"Not to take away from the giant blimp thingy comin' towards us, but did you just call me and Sugar gross?" Lightning asked. "Not cool!"

"Ugh!" Chris groaned. "Sugar, yes. But I was referring to your weird romantic connection. It's all icky and junk. Makes me wanna hurl."

Courtney, Jasmine, and Cody all snapped their heads to look at the duo, all brows raised like flags on a mast.

Sugar turned beet red as Lightning nervously raised a brow. "Romantic? Uh, Lightning ain't gettin' romantic with Farm Girl! Not at all! We're just close friends..." After a brief pause, he pointed to the sky. "Look, sha-blimp!"

Sugar sulked in fear as imminent doom descended from the night sky.

Confessional

"I thought what Lightning and I had was special," Sugar sighed. "Like… maybe more than friends. I promised I'd get a man this season though, so even if he ain't seein' it now, he's gonna see it later. And by it, I mean what a hot, beautiful power couple we'd be! But… is he really on my level? Or am I just gettin' my head in the poofy clouds again? Gosh darn it! Without Beth here, I feel all… weird. And sad. And… different. It's like I ain't myself anymore, I guess. Maybe she rubbed off on me like one of them cats that massages its butt on your legs when you're tryin' to cook a ham…"

(static)

Lightning sighed. "Okay, so Lightning likes the Farm Girl a little. She actually sees him as a human bean and not some stack of muscles. Even Pops ain't that dope, ya know? But… does she feel the same way? Lightning isn't used to dealing with all that romantic lovey-dovey stuff. Normally it's some cheerleader draggin' him into a room at a party for smooch city. And I don't see any cheerleaders, rooms, or parties on this island, so uh, Lightning's a little confused."

End Confessional

"What the heck is that?!" Courtney gasped, already falling back from the approaching shadow.

"Uh, my McLean Mobile Air Command Center 2.0. Newly refurbished after it got destroyed in Season 4. It was going to be used for tomorrow's epic Icarus-themed challenge, but someone spoiled the surprise."

"W-w-where did you even keep that thing?" Cody asked, nearly pissing himself.

"I swear," Jasmine growled. "If you made another mechanical island go haywire again..."

"Relax," Chris chuckled nervously. "No mechanical island here! We just uh, did some renovations inside the mountain and under the island. The zeppelin had a leak so we decided to store it under the arena, and the only way to get it out was with… my remote! Ugh! Whoever took that thing is totally dead!"

Confessional

Jasmine pinched her brow. "Can I have one season where there isn't some endgame catastrophic meltdown? Please? That too much to ask?"

End Confessional

As the Command Center stalled over the beach, Chris and the final five stared up in horror as a long pole with a platform at the bottom shot down towards the ground. On it were two figures in dark scuba suits with night vision goggles, and they bee-lined it straight for Chris.

"Hey, let go of me!" the host barked, his arms already snagged.

Jasmine attempted to intervene, but the bulkier figure whipped out a taser and shocked her back.

"Heeeeeeelp!" Chris cried as a bag came down over his face and the platform carried the three of them back up towards the airship.

"Oh crap!" Sugar gasped. "They got Chris!"

"Hard to really care about that," Courtney said, "but this is totally insane! Who are you people?!"

The bulky figure glared down at Courtney just before they vanished into the ship and the aircraft rose back into the sky, heading back up to the Temple.

"Did Chris just get… kidnapped?" Cody whimpered. "Who would do that?"

"I can name a few people," Courtney said. "But… what heck do we do?!"

Jasmine, recovering from the electric blast, collapsed butt-first into the sand. "Whoever stole Chris' remote must be behind this. And now they have total control of the 'renovations' around here, so that's just… great."

"We gotta save Chris," Sugar said, cracking her knuckles. "Even if he sucks eggs, if any of us want that money, this is our time to shine!"

"Hold on there," Lightning said. "How the heck are we supposed to get Chris back? That airship's sha-huge, and really high up. And whoever's behind this totally has a sick security setup."

"Assuming we'd want to help him in the first place," Courtney grumbled. "After all the stuff he's done to me over the years, it's nice to see him get an extra dose of justice."

The sound of an engine echoed down the beach and soon enough, Chef rode up on his ATV, panicked and sweating with a tub of ice cream cradled under his arm. "What in tarnation is going on?! Where's Chris?!"

"Um, up there," Cody said.

Chef gazed at the airship and scooped a bite of ice cream into his mouth. "This ain't good… We gotta save Chris from whoever's behind this operation! ASAP!"

"That's what I said!" Sugar barked. "No show means no money for me in the finale!"

"Assuming you'd get there," Courtney huffed.

Sugar glared back at the CIT, but Lightning stepped between them. "No time to argue! We gotta get a plan sha-gether if we wanna save the season."

"Well it would help to know who's behind this," Courtney said. "It could be anyone! Chris is the king of screwing people over!"

As if on cue, a small screen hovered down from the sky on a drone, displaying a captain's quarters with the seat turned to face away from the camera.

"Did I hear a request for a face reveal?" came that same deep, mysterious voice.

Jasmine narrowed her eyes. "Who the heck are you and what's the big deal crashing the season like this?"

"Yeah!" Cody said. "We only had like three episodes left. Why now?"

"And I still need to shower," Courtney hissed.

"Oh, great questions," said the voice. "Buuuut let's just get this out of the way now: the season is officially canceled."

Everyone gasped.

"Canceled?" Lightning whimpered. "But… Lightning was doing so good! He was final two destined!"

"Eh, that's debatable," the voice replied. "But never fear, for the Total Drama franchise will continue with a, how do I say this, more deserving cast."

"More deservin' than me?" Sugar barked. "No way, Hoe-Sway!"

"Not to agree with her," Courtney said. "But I agree with her. We're like, the ultimate All-Stars! How are we not deserving?"

A single white hand shot out from behind the chair, one finger pointed up in that dramatic matter-of-fact manner. "Hold that thought. Do you really think you're the most deserving of playing another season though? Imagine all the poor fans out there who've grown sick of your screenhogging and just wanted to see their forgotten favorites back again. People who never made the merge. People who never got a second chance. People who got neglected and abused at the hands of one Chris McLean. People whose reputations were sunk because of him! People like… ME!"

The chair spun around and Topher flashed that McLean-esque smirk. His voice was back to its usual flamboyant self.

Jasmine glared at the pretty boy. "You..."

"Who?" Lightning asked.

"Seriously?" Courtney asked. "You're still trying to host the show? I thought you would have given up on that after the lawsuits Chris filed against you."

Topher did another spin around, toying with Chris' master remote full of buttons. "Well, as they always say, you can't keep a good host down. And I am said good host as of now. Or at least when Chris signs the show over to me. Ah, showbiz. So complicated but soooo much fun."

"Well, he'll never do that," Cody snorted. "No way he'd ever give someone else the reigns around here."

"Oh, you'd think so, wouldn't you?" Topher teased. "Buuuut I have my ways."

"Hey!" came a loud, brutish female voice from off-screen. "He's ready to talk!"

"Gotcha! See you guys never!" Topher waved goodbye to the camera and the feed cut, the screen returning to the sky from whence it came.

Sugar immediately kicked up a storm in the sand. "Crud! I knew that pretty boy was trouble! Wily like a hog with a library card if I've ever seen one, which I haven't… Until now!"

Chef let a guttural growl fly and reached into his pockets, whipping out a pair of walkie talkies. "Alright, chumps. Listen up! We gotta put together an operation to save Chris before it's too late and he gives Topher total control. We gotta split up in two teams: three brats, and the other two come with me! Understood?"

Courtney blinked. "Um, not to extort you right now, but if we're really doing this, can the person who saves Chris get immunity at the vote tonight?"

"Uh, make it two," Jasmine added.

"You're seriously worried about a vote tonight?" Cody asked. "When the entire season's in danger?"

Courtney shrugged off the accusation. "What? Chris said every episode would have an elimination. And I know TD's schedule can be iron clad sometimes in these shorter seasons. No way would Chris let a chance to cut someone loose go by, improvised challenge or not."

Chef rolled his eyes. "Fine! One person who stops Topher wins invinvi-darn-bility tonight. Happy now?"

"Yeah yeah, quit your fidgety stallin' already," Sugar grunted, snagging a walkie from Chef. "I call Lightning!"

Courtney and Jasmine gave each other a look and shrugged.

"Guess we'll team up too," Courtney said.

They all looked at Cody, trembling in the middle of the two teams.

"Uh, I don't really do well with like… breaking and entering flying fortresses."

"Then stay behind," Courtney snorted. "You'd probably just get in the way if we brought you along. Leave this to the real All-Stars."

Jasmine stepped in front of Courtney and kneeled down by Cody. "Hey, if you're not confident about this, there's no need to put yourself in danger. We can always use a backup guy just in case things go down the dunny."

Cody gulped and forced himself to nod. "Y-yeah, backup guy. That's uh, that's me..."

"Then it's settled," the Aussie said. "Courtney and I will go together, Chef will team up with Sugar and Lightning, and Cody will hang out on the beach doing nothing until we need him to, which is hopefully never."

Confessional

Jasmine cringed. "That… sounded better in my head."

(static)

Cody sighed.

End Confessional

"There is one way up to the airship," Chef said. "Chris had a few Icarus-themed props ready for the challenge tomorrow, but since that ain't gonna happen until we take this fruitcake down, they're our secret weapon tonight."

"And where are they?" Lightning asked. "You got some secret bunker full of props we ain't seen yet?"

Chef shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much. Now follow my lead and make sure Topher doesn't catch wind of the plan. He ain't gonna expect us to fly up there ourselves, but if he does, we could be hosed. Operation: Save Chris is a go!"

Chef booked it towards the forest with Lightning and the three girls in tow, leaving Cody to sit on a nearby log and sigh the minutes away.

Meanwhile, Chris sighed the minutes away with a bag over his head as he dwelled inside a storage closet full of brooms and chemicals.

"Of all the seasons to have a schedule-shattering event take place at the end of the season, why did it have to be this one? First the plane blows up, then Heather hijacks the first Command Center, then Zeke tries to burn me alive in toxic waste, then Max and Scarlett send my fake island into meltdown mode… I should seriously try a back to basics season, huh? Or just blacklist and put restraining orders on all past contestants to start fresh with a reboot… That might be fun..."

The door opened and Chris found himself dragged out of the closet and carried towards… God knows where.

"Watch the shoulders," he groaned. "I have a pulled muscle from yesterday's goat yoga!"

When he finally hit the ground, the bag was finally removed and he finally saw who was behind all this, sitting at the Command Center's controls.

"Hey, Chris. Long time no see," said Topher, kicked back and chilling in his seat.

Chris nervously chuckled. "Oh, hey Topher. What… What've you been up to? You're not still mad about me pranking you with the hope of becoming host only to cost you your spot in the game, are you? I mean, that's such a trivial-"

"Nah, I'm not mad. I got played by the player himself, but I've evolved in the industry. Moved on up. Found broader horizons. And now the student has become the master."

Chris perked up. "Really?"

"No!" Topher sneered down at the helpless host. "Do you realize how many career opportunities died because of what you did? Now I can't land an internship anywhere because they all think I'll plot to overthrow them! Bye bye TV industry altogether then! So, when I got a call to return to the show, I thought it was my lucky break. I figured it would be my time to redeem my image. But when I saw Tyler and Eva Twerting about how awful their 'returns' were, I sprung into action and decided to take matters into my own hands instead of being another worthless, abused, pointless cameo. And now that I have you right where I want you, have the master remote I stole from your lodge, and have the fate of the franchise hanging in the balance… All I need is a little signature on this dotted line."

Topher flashed a contract in Chris' face, pointing to the place to sign at the bottom.

"Sign this and I'll have total hosting rights, you'll go free, and everyone wins. Well, except you and the rest of this season's cast who are currently idling down at the beach, but I win… So that's nice."

Chris chuckled. "Not gonna happen Toph. For a McLean superfan, you sure don't know me very well. As if I'd sign away the show to someone like you… or anyone at all. I've been busted over toxic waste, thrown in jail, and dodged lawsuits since last season. And I'm still here, baby!"

Topher smirked. "Well then. I guess we'll just have to push some buttons." Whipping out the master remote, he pressed a big red button near the top and on the screen overhead, Chris' bungalow lodge burst into a massive blaze. "Hmm, what was in there again?"

"My Gemmies!" Chris gasped, tears welling in his eyes. "You sick monster! You'll never get away with this!"

"And we're just getting started." Topher pressed another button and the feed changed again, this time showing a close up of the statues near the fire, inches away from total destruction. "I assume this fire proof, bullet proof, water proof award case has… I dunno, about an hour until the fire breaches it. But if you sign the contract now, your Gemmies are safe."

Chris sniffled up a big glob of snot. "N-never!"

"What's the melting temperature of gold again? Oh, I'm sorry, I mean gold-plated aluminum."

"Shut it! I'm… I'm not scared! Because I know Chef and the other contestants are coming to rescue me as we speak! Yeah, and they're gonna teach you a lesson once and for all."

"Really? Heh, they'll have to get past my cast first."

Chris raised a brow. "Uh, your cast?"

"And here they come now!" Topher said, getting into character and pointing down the hall where six masked figured entered the room in single-file, all dressed in the same body-tight suits and night vision masks. One was incredibly bulky and definitely matched the figure that grabbed Chris. Another was thinner but had a similar body shape. Another was even thinner and lankier, but definitely had the body of a male. The fourth and five were basically the same body type with similar builds, and the sixth was twig-thin and petite.

"Introducing the cast of the hottest new Total Drama reboot! Eva!"

The first figure removed her mask, revealing the face of none other than the female bully.

"S'up, McLean," she growled. "Still glad you invited me for a cameo appearance?"

Chris gulped. "Oh, hey, Eva. Maybe not anymore…"

Topher pointed to the next person in line. "Everyone's favorite wild card… Izzy!"

"Hey, everyone!" Izzy snarled, struggling to remove her mask. "Ugh! It won't come off! I'mma bite through! Haha! Nomnomnom!"

"Two time reality show flop, Leonard!"

The third figure grabbed its mask and whipped it off. "Identicus Revealitus! Bet ya didn't know it was me, huh?"

"Ugh," Chris groaned. "Lemme guess..."

"Also introducing Tyler and Brick, the lovable but naively goofy pain magnets of the cast."

"Brick McArthur reporting for duty, sir!" the cadet barked, removing his mask for a salute.

Likewise, Tyler showed his face and attempted to salute as well, but bonked himself in the eye. "Ow!"

"And last but not least, Pahkitew Island's memorable pre-merge robbed goddess, Amy!"

"Gag! This suit is so cramped," she groaned, finally getting the mask off and slamming it down on Chris. "I thought I was going to die in there. Kinda like how I thought I was going to die at sea until Topher rescued me, you pompous ass."

"It's the biggest cast of underdogs Total Drama has ever seen," Topher announced, mugging the shot and standing on Chris' back to get the perfect elevation. "Six contestants saved from their hopeless, cameo-ridden lives, one spanking fresh host, and a whole lot of surprises!"

"Ugh, get off, dude! My chiropractor worked hard on that alignment!"

"This," Topher began, "is Total… Drama… Rejects!"

"Marvelous!" Leonard cheered. "The great evil has been slain and we shall feast upon its remains for our nourishment!"

"Oh god," Amy grumbled.

"Total Drama Rejects?" Chris snorted. "What kinda name is that?"

Topher stepped deeper into Chris' back. "Weeeell, we had a couple ideas on the drawing board. Revenge of the Rejects felt a little too derivative, Nobodies was an insult to our precious cast, and Return of the Underdogs? Probably already copyrighted somewhere. And besides, it's not like a season with that name would be any good. Gotta have a brilliant simplicity to it for marketing, right?"

"But why the lame cast? Who'd tune in for these losers? Ouch! Not the spleen! Ah!"

"Because," Topher said, "they were promised a return to the show, only to be given meaningless cameo roles that amount to small amounts of meaningless camera time. I'm simply giving them, and myself, what we deserve. Imagine it though. You're sitting at home, scrolling through cute cat videos, when suddenly you get that call of a lifetime… only to find out the new season is about all the people who already had their fair share of camera time!" Topher nearly burst a blood vessel from the suddenly blood pressure spike, but quickly calmed himself down. "Anyways, when I heard who was contacted, I figured it was the perfect time to assemble a team of rejects to strike back against the host who ruined them. So I skipped my scheduled cameo appearance, hid away to bide my time, and collected my personal cast for the all new season I've been planning. It's gonna be great, just like this season you've put together will never make it to air. No winner, no mega prize money, no conclusion. We're starting fresh, baby!"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. But I'm still not signing the contract. And I assure you the lawyers and producers will be all over your ass after this is over. So here's an idea: let me out and turn off that infernal fire before my Gemmies melt into puddles of liquid misery!"

"I've heard enough," Topher yawned. "Eva, Brick, take him back to his cell. See how a little solitary confinement treats him and his gelled-up hair."

As Chris was dragged back into the hall, he let out one last scream. "Not my hair! You're gonna pay for this, Toph! You're gonna paaaaaaay!"

As that drama unfolded, Chef opened the secret hatch on the back side of the mountain with a small level hidden in a tree nearby. The rock face slid down, revealing a metallic tunnel.

"This was here the whole time?" Jasmine asked. "I must've passed by here a dozen times and never suspected a thing."

"Yeah, feels like a bit of a deus ex machina, doesn't it?" said Courtney, suspiciously eyeing the entrance.

"Enough complaining," Sugar said, rushing past both girls with Lightning and Chef at her side. "Let's get in there and get our stuff!"

Not disagreeing with that proposal, Jasmine and Courtney hurried in as well, not stopping until they reached a massive warehouse full of all sorts of stuff. Props from past challenges lined the walls: Chef's Minotaur fursuit, the giant Trojan horses now in pieces again, the head from the Giant Monster with the body nowhere to be found, a few spare ship parts, various Olympics props, the wheel of misfortune from the yogurt challenge, all the military equipment used in the combat challenge, more ships parts, even more ship parts, a couple dozen colorful carpets, and the curtains and costumes from the last challenge. At the far end: a single jetpack and several pairs of human-fitted wings along with several giant rings with drone attachments at the top.

"There!" Lightning said, pointing to the unused props. "Sha-dope! We get to fly again! I remember that challenge like it was a couple years ago."

"It was," Courtney said, grabbing the jetpack for herself to examine it. "Let me guess, we wouldn't be using this, would we?"

Chef shook his head. "Nah. That's for Chris. You chumps would get the wings and fly through a bunch of those rings in a race around the island. But since Topher crashed the season, that challenge ain't gonna happen, but the props are still useful. It's the only way to get up... there."

All eyes shot to the ceiling where a massive tunnel cut to the top of the mountain a few hundred feet above, where the bottom of the Command Center could be seen ominously hovering in the night sky.

"This was a hangar, huh?" Jasmine said, rubbing her chin. "And I guess Topher forgot to close the door."

"Yep," Chef said, strapping on the jetpack and heading for a locked storage container nearby. "The arena opens up to let the ship fly, as well as let us grab whatever props we need for the challenges up there. It was gonna be a big surprise tomorrow, but… You guys know what happened! Just grab something good and strap on some wings!"

Opening up the container, Chef revealed an array of weapons: Chef's spaghetti blaster, bows and arrows, spears and swords, grenades, a leech blaster, a tranq gun, a couple colorful paintball guns, a slingshot, and a mannequin's leg tipped with spikes and nails.

"Take whatever suits ya best," Chef said, grabbing his classic spaghetti blaster and loading it up.

"Now we're talkin' business," Jasmine snickered, picking out the slingshot. "Topher ain't gonna see this coming either."

"Sha-please," Lightning snorted towards Jasmine's little slingshot. "You gotta pick some heavy duty stuff. Like this..." He immediately snagged his spiked leg from his first season's finale and gave it a kiss. "I missed you, Leggy!"

Courtney eyed the selection and ultimately opted for the leech blaster. "Figure I might as well be on the other end of this thing for a change."

Sugar was the last to pick, but finally went for the pink paintball gun. "Pretty in pink, just like me."

"Good," Chef said. "Now strap on those wings and prepare for lift off. Time to take that sucker down!"

Confessional

"You know," Courtney said, "it's hard to believe this is somehow one of the more fun challenges I've been in across five seasons. Go figure the lack of Chris is a factor."

(static)

Sugar clutched her gun like a sweet, innocent baby. "See! Told ya the government drone wasn't gettin' my guns! Ain't that right, my sweetie pie?"

End Confessional

Cody trudged along the beach, kicking sand and waiting for a signal, any signal, that would give him the go ahead to leap into action. Though to him, leaping wasn't the right word. More like… stumbling or falling ass backwards or failing head-first.

"I hope they're okay," he mumbled. "This could be super bad if Topher's got more tricks up his sleeve than expected."

The gentle rolls of waves on the strand was oddly calmly despite the chaos happening elsewhere. Even for paranoid little Cody there was a sense of… relaxation. And with relaxation came a clearer head and time to think.

"If they don't make it, it's all up to me," he said, drawing Gwen's face in the sand. It wasn't a good drawing at all, but the thought counted he believed.

Wait, Gwen's face?

"Hold on," he mumbled with a bit of hope in his voice. "It's not just me! But..." He cast a glance around the beach. "I'll need a boat. And a fast one."

"Alright!" barked Chef. "Here's the plan. Courtney and Jasmine are gonna launch an air assault on the Command Center and clear out any of Topher's defenses. Then Sugar, Lightning, and me are gonna bust in and act as the ground team to take that pretty boy down for good. Any questions?"

Jasmine tugged at the set of wings strapped to her back. "Uh, yeah. How are we supposed to use these to fly? There's no way they'd carry me, and it's not like I can use a weapon at the same time."

"Press the green button on the strap," Chef said. "The wings are mechanical this time. No arm movement required. But there's gonna be a learnin' curve, so learn fast or you're dead."

"Charming," Courtney said, her leech gun locked and loaded. "But what defenses could that zeppelin have? It's not like Chris outfitted it with a bunch of anti-aircraft cannons, right?"

Chef blinked. "Uh..."

"He did?!" Courtney gasped. "Ugh! I hate Chris so much. He's just lucky I'll do anything for the money."

"No cannon's gonna stop the Lightning," the jock said, beating his spiked leg into his palm. "We're gonna bust through all that junk and kick some sha-butt! Aren't we, Sha-gar?"

"Hell yeah!" Sugar cheered. "I'm gonna hogtie that chump with his own arms and legs and make him wish he was never born with 'em!"

"The guy's nuts, but that might be a bit extreme," Jasmine said. "But if Topher's got some defense, we gotta hit with a good offense. My sharpshooting skills with a slingshot and some small steel balls is spot on."

"And this leech blaster is perfect for… Um..." Courtney looked over at Sugar. "Wanna trade? I feel like clouding his vision with paint is the smarter move."

"Nope." Sugar shot Courtney in the leg, leaving a pink splatter. "Get yer own."

"Ow! Sugar, this isn't the time for being petty!" The CIT kicked the feeling back into her leg and hobbled over to the rack of weapons, trading in her leech blaster for a green paintball gun.

"As I said," Chef continued, "Jasmine and Courtney will fly up first and take out Topher's vision and draw his fire. Once they give the signal to us with their walkie talkie, the three of us are gonna fly up and break in, find Chris, take that sucker down, and save this season! Y'all clear now?!"

Sugar saluted. "Aye-aye, Capi-tan!"

"I can't believe this is happening, but yeah," Jasmine said, filling a pouch around her waist with grape sized steel ball bearings. "Good to go."

Lightning did a fancy swing with his bat, nearly taking Courtney's head off. "Sha-ready!"

"Ahhh!" Courtney ducked under the swing and growled. "I swear, you two are going to get us all killed! But… yeah, I'm ready."

Confessional

"Ready to get away from Lightning and Sugar," Courtney clarified. "Now to sound all gamebotty in such a rough situation, but those two have got to go like, now. As gross as it sounds, them becoming a couple is a worst case scenario. They'll be unbreakable! So not only am I going to save Chris and win this challenge, I'm making sure those two lose."

End Confessional

"Uh, hey!" Chris called out from inside the musty supply closet. "Guys? Eva? Brick? Tyler? You out there?!"

"Shut it!" Eva roared, beating so hard on the door it left a fist-shaped indentation.

"Yeesh," Chris mumbled. "You invite a person back for a cameo and they wreck your lodge, plot to kidnap you, and help extort you for your job? Talk about ungrateful."

"I heard that!" Eva growled outside. "If you don't zip it you're leaving that job in a body bag."

"Seems like the anger management classes weren't worth the money," he whispered in a wimpy whine. "Come on, Chef. Do something… Or… Or maybe I can do something. Yeah. Totally."

The second he started searching through the supplies on the shelves, a hoard of roaches shot out and covered him head to toe. With a horrified scream, he hit the ground and spazzed out as Eva could be heard chuckling outside.

"I take it back! I can't do anything! Ah! Get out of my nostrils!"

"Alright, test drive time," Jasmine said, standing back from the rest and pressing the ignition button on her wings' strap. At first it was nothing more than a gentle flutter, but once they got up and running, Jasmine lifted off the ground and soared high… right into the ceiling.

"Nononononono!"

THUD!

"Oh crud, that ain't good!" Sugar gasped, rushing to Jasmine's side as she fell. "You almost damaged the wings!"

Jasmine hit the ground hard and rubbed her aching back, choosing to ignore Sugar. "Yep. That's a learning curve. Totally lost control there and rocketed off to the heavens. Well, the solid metal one that is."

Courtney noticed Jasmine's groans of pain and bit her lip. "Uh, Chef? Are you sure there aren't more jetpacks around?"

Chef shrugged. "Nope. Now get used to those mech-wings. You're takin' off in ten!"

"Perfect," Courtney sighed, her finger hovering over her button. "Well… here goes nothing." One push sent the wings into the same motion as Jasmine's, starting out weak and slow but gradually building to a full on hummingbird-style speed that sent her flying towards the Jasmine-shamed dent on the ceiling.

"Wahhhhh! This wasn't in my contraaaaact!"

"Steer it, soldier!" Chef yelled in his drill sergeant tone. "Balance with your body! Every muscle you got is your control system here!"

Courtney attempted to gain control, but ended up spinning out of it and crashing into a giant metal door labeled TOP SECRET FINALE STUFF on the other side of the hangar with one last "Oof!"

"Hmmm, maybe more jetpacks was the right call," Chef mumbled. "Too late."

Courtney pulled herself to her feet and stumbled back to the ground. "Ugh… Make Sugar do it. As if the wings could even lift her though."

Sugar shot Courtney again.

"Ah! Stop it!"

"Yo, don't tear each other sha-part," Lightning said, standing between the girls. "We gotta team up here for the ultimate touchdown in Topher's face. We ain't got time for locker room antics. But Sugar's got mad shootin' skills though. I can't deny it."

"Of course you'd take her side," Courtney said, adjusting her wings for another lift off. "The fact that you two see something in each other is both commendable and freakish. Really proves there's someone out there for everyone."

Sugar gulped. "Uh, whatever do you mean? We're uh… just good pals. Yeah, good pals! Just a guy and a gal gettin' along!"

Lightning nodded. "Sha-yeah! Nothin' romantic going on here. Not at all. Totally sha-pals!"

They shared an uneasy glance then looked away with arms crossed, the denial plain as day on their cheeks.

Jasmine, watching from behind the awkward mess going down, merely gave the camera an unimpressed look.

Confessional

"Okay, so… they're totally crushing on each other," Jasmine said. "Somehow. Now, I don't approve because Lightning deserves a better girlfriend than her, but it's not like I have a right to judge given who I'm dating. Not that Shawn's a bad guy, because he's awesome in so many ways and makes my blood curdle with ecstasy, but he's a few lollies short of a jar. But that's why I love him..." She drifted into fantasy, only to snap out of it with a sudden realization. "Aaaand that's why Sugar and Lightning have it bad for each other, huh? Weird attracts weird."

End Confessional

Cody's legs nearly gave out by the time he found a boat. Well, not so much a boat as much as a shoddy raft made of one large, flat-ish piece of driftwood washed up on the beach. But it didn't have to be a boat as long as it stayed afloat.

"You can do this," he whispered. "This is your time, dude. Time to man up. For everyone counting on you."

Pushing the wood into the water was hard enough as is, but between the exhaustion and hopelessness, it was nearly impossible. Nearly. With enough strain and pulled muscles, Cody managed to get the wooden platform to float in the churning surf, hopped on with a busted plank in hand, and began the long paddle across the sea.

"I just hope I'm not too late..."

After a few attempts, Courtney and Jasmine got a hang of the precise maneuvers used to steer the wings and hovered in the air with weapons at the ready.

"This is totally dangerous," Jasmine said. "Are you sure these were tested for safety?"

Chef shrugged. "The interns only had a couple broken bones. Better than expected honestly."

Courtney rolled her eyes. "As if any of this stuff was totally safe. Let's just get flying high and dish out some karma." Pocketing her walkie talkie, she nodded to Jasmine and they both slowly ascended through the gaping hole in the hangar's ceiling, ascending towards the night sky.

"When they give the signal, we make our move," Chef told Sugar and Lightning, still busy gazing off into space with those bashful faces of theirs.

"Yep," Lightning said. "Totally ready."

Sugar fiercely nodded. "Uh huh. We're gonna get him good."

"Knowin' the Command Center," Chef continued, "there's a hatch in the back for emergency exits. Just in case there's a fire or some crazy girl takes over again. Only this time it's a crazy dude. But we can open it from there and make our way up to the cockpit."

"Yep," Lightning replied.

"Uh huh," Sugar mumbled.

Chef sighed. Those two were distracted. Totally. Utterly. Completely.

"You two gonna keep eyeballin' each other? We can't have some freaky PDA active during a crucial mission!"

"DPA?" Lightning mumbled. "Awww crap! Lightning ain't had his DPA yet!"

"Not DPA," Chef snarled. "PDA! As in smoochin' and cuddlin' and all that stuff I repress my love for on a daily basis to maintain my tough guy persona!"

Lightning blinked, glanced at Sugar, who blinked back, then he blinked again. "Shuhhhhhhh..."

Chef finally gave up and rolled his eyes. "I see the gushy red tint on your faces. You both got it bad for each other and wanna make out. Make sense now?"

Sugar and Lightning shared a brief smile, but quickly broke it off to sheepishly glance away.

"Nah," Sugar said. "Your fancy shmancy radar's busted."

"Sha-yeah," Lightning added. "Check it, dude."

Confessional

Chef facepalmed and groaned. "Seriously? The one time I need these two to be cocky and full of themselves, and they aren't?! Ugh, young love is a sick, twisted thing."

(static)

Sugar crossed her arms and huffed to the side, sounding more solemn and contemplative than usual. "I can't believe I spent this whole gosh darn season lookin' for a man, and now when I got one on the hook, I can't reel him in! It's like… I lost my pageant queen flair all the sudden, and I don't know if I like it." She turned red again. "Okay, maybe I kinda do a teensy tiny bit…"

(static)

"Lightning never thought he'd be the shawkward romantic," the uber jock sighed. "That's like… bubble nerd stuff. He just ain't used to being all… open and vulnerable about his sha-motions. It just feels wrong, like it ain't me. But it's not a bad feeling either. Hard to describe. But if Farm Girl's into the Lightning and the Lightning's into her..."

End Confessional

Courtney and Jasmine ascended higher and higher until they settled in front of the zeppelin's cockpit, their weapons at the ready.

Topher casually glanced up from his self-help book and gasped. "What the heck?!"

"Eat paint!" Courtney roared, letting her ammo fly towards the wide windows. In seconds, Topher's vision was obscured by a wave of dark green.

"Nice one!" Jasmine called out, grabbing a steel ball from her pocket.

"Nice try!" came Topher's voice over the airship's intercom. "But this Mobile Command Center isn't going down because of a freak paint spill." Suddenly, the windows were flushed clean with several jets of water, revealing Topher's sadistic, confident grin behind the mess. In his hand: the all powerful master remote. "You thought!"

Jasmine growled and fired a couple balls at the windows, leaving a pair of cracked dents in the glass.

Topher gasped and pushed another button on the remote. "You wanna crack my glass? As if! You're the ones cracking tonight, ladies!"

Courtney and Jasmine watched in horror as the bottom of the cockpit opened up and a turret crept out. And who just happened to be at the controls?

"Sweet!" Tyler whooped. "Talk about an extreme upgrade!"

Courtney raised a brow. "What the heck? Is that… Tyler? What is he doing here?!"

"Topher gave me a sweet job!" the jock said, his voice carrying over a quieter but still audible intercom attached to the turret. "Dude said I could be the gunner cause it was the most extreme position in the team!"

"Team?" Jasmine whispered. "Oh crap… Don't tell me they're all back."

"Sorry, guys," Tyler continued, "but I gotta bring some dinner to the table!"

With the push of a button, a torrent of flames shot from the barrel, roaring across the night sky and nearly clipping the girls' wings before they swiftly dodged upward.

"Fire?!" Courtney groaned. "Seriously? He was going to shoot us with fire?! Remind me why I'm even bothering to save Chris again..."

"Nothing I haven't seen before," Jasmine sighed. "Better than robo-animals and an imminent self-destruct!" She fired at Topher's windows, cracking them again, dodging more fire blasts, and keeping up her barrage.

Topher, his teeth grit with frustration, hopped onto the in-ship PA. "Attention crew! Your first challenge of Total Drama Rejects? Stop the harpies outside! First one to take them down gets immunity!"

"We're sitting ducks out here," Courtney said, dodging another fire blast. "We need to get out of range of Tyler's shots and target somewhere else."

"Agreed," Jasmine said. "Back of the ship it is."

As the girls flew out of Topher's vision, he clicked a few more buttons with an annoyed grumble. "Come on… Get them already."

Upon reaching the back side and fighting through the gusts caused by the ship's propellers, another hatch opened up. Two in fact. One on each side of the airship's tail end. And out popped Amy and Izzy in their own turrets.

"Oh hey, guys!" Izzy said with a devious cackle. "I didn't know you could fly! Izzy wants wings too! Now give 'em to me!"

The wild child fired a stream of not fire, but some kind of green slime in a ball form.

"Ugh, why did I have to get the back of the ship," Amy whined. "I should be up front." Regardless of her feelings, she joined Izzy in the slime shootout.

"Oh no! Green jelly!" Courtney panicked and soared even higher to get out of range, leaving Jasmine to handle both girls herself.

"Oh great," she growled, loading and firing two more balls at each turret with the goal of shattering their windows and clouding their vision.

"Hey!" Amy yelled, looking over the giant crack in front of her face. "Watch it, Ogre!"

"Ogre?" Jasmine gasped in disgust. "Suck a manchineel fruit!"

Another shot shattered Amy's window, forcing her to retreat back inside the ship screaming her lungs out before she could be sucked out by the breeze. "Gah! I hate this show! Topher's a sham!"

A sigh of relief wasn't in the cards though, as Izzy was still firing wildly with no real aim. Jasmine still had to dodge the stray shots though, and despite the lack of them coming her way, it was proving to be a challenge as Izzy's quick trigger finger made them totally unpredictable.

"This is fun! Izzy likey! Sorry, Giant Monster! This ship is Izzy's husbando now! Hahahahahaaaa!"

Confessional

"And I thought Shawn was kinda cracked," Jasmine said, trembling a little just thinking about it. "That Izzy could give a rabid dingo a heart attack… and probably eat it whole too. Might have to recruit her for pest control someday, honestly."

End Confessional

Eventually a stray shot hit Jasmine's right wing, clogging it up with sticky goop and rendering it useless. And with only one wing active, she was left barely floating in the air and unable to change her course.

"Oh crap! No!"

"Oh wow!" said Izzy. "I got ya! Nice! Eat my slime, ya big emu!"

Just before Izzy could pull the trigger, a flash of white crashed straight down into the turret, shattering its windows and sending what would have been a death-knell shot for Jasmine soaring off into the dark night.

As the feathers cleared, Courtney opened fire from her standing position and coated the inside of the turret with green paint, leaving Izzy dazed and confused, but giggling nonetheless.

"Yes!" Courtney cheered. "Eat green!" Her celebration had to wait though...

"Uh, a little help?!"

Looking out into the sky, Jasmine was starting to descend inch by inch as the one active wing struggled to keep her afloat. Courtney leaped off the turret, bee-lining it for the falling ally.

"I got you!" she said, grabbing Jasmine's free hand to keep her in the air, their wings functioning together to lift them back towards the ship. "Let's crack open that hatch and give the signal."

"Right! And thanks for not letting me fall."

"No problem. I might be in it to win it, but even I wouldn't stoop as low as letting someone die on my watch."

Back in the control room, Topher stared at the digital map of the ship, the two turrets on the backside glowing red among the rest of the ship's blue hue. Disabled.

"This is bad," he grumbled. "Thankfully this airship's got some more tricks up its horribly unfashionable sleeves." Returning to the PA, he had a message. "It's no use fighting them off outside. They're getting in either way. Retreat, grab McLean, and enact plan B. We're gonna brute force it."

Soon enough, Eva and Brick dragged Chris back into the cockpit and tossed him to the ground, his hair a mess, his eyes wide, and roaches crawling out of his clothes to scatter for shelter.

"The… The roaches… They got… In… My nose… My ears… My… My..."

Topher smirked. "Oh, hey, Chris. What's popping? Other than your sanity obviously. So, ready to sign away the hosting rights yet? Because we're on a biiiiiit of a time crunch right now."

Chris rolled his eyes. "No chance, Topher. No matter how many roaches you throw at me or what orifices they crawl into, my spirit is unbreakable, just like my looks."

"Major respect, maggot," Brick said, drawing looks of ire from Eva and Topher. The cadet slumped forward. "Sorry."

"Um, you're signing," Topher snorted, reaching for the host's hand and sticking a pen in it. "One way or another."

Back outside, Courtney and Jasmine opened the back hatch and plopped down inside in a big pile of sweat and feathers. The inside of the airship was a long corridor with several doors, gates, and off-shooting hallways leading to more doors and gates. Not really a maze, but there was definitely a lot more space than expected. But from where they landed, all they could see was a single door in their way.

Courtney rubbed her head. "Ugh, I hated that. I feel like I have sky legs. Like sea legs, but worse."

Jasmine ripped her wings off and tossed them aside. "Yeah, can't say that's not a new feeling." Pulling the walkie talkie from her pocket, she spoke. "Team Chef, you're on. The hatch is open in the back. Get up here and let's do this thing."

"Roger that," Chef said. "We're on our way!"

Jasmine pocketed the walkie again and helped Courtney to her feet. "There ya go. Can you stand okay?"

The CIT wobbled, but held herself up against the wall. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Nice. We make a good team, don't we? Two badass ladies kickin' butt on land, sea, and sky?"

Courtney smirked. "Yeah. We really do, don't we?"

"Now imagine us in the final two," Jasmine added. "That'd be the most epic finale ever, and either one of us would be super deserving underdog winners right now."

Courtney feigned a bigger smile. "Totally!"

Confessional

"No it wouldn't," Courtney whined. "That finale would be a total steamroll on her behalf. Look, I like Jasmine, but… taking her to the final two is basically Total Drama suicide. I'd never beat her unless she performed terribly, which I don't even think is in her wheelhouse or vocabulary. But I still need to rely on her in this game as a loyal vote, so if she thinks she's in my finale plans, then so be it."

(static)

"I'm not totally sure I can trust Courtney to take me all the way to the finale," Jasmine said. "The obvious move is to cut me and take Cody, Sugar, or Lightning just because I'm a full package player and they aren't, but that doesn't mean I can't try and convince her. She might be a bit cutthroat, but she's got a heart in there under all that play-to-win exterior and I can appeal to it."

End Confessional

As Chef, Lightning, and Sugar soared up towards the airship, Lightning looked over at the flying pageant queen and smiled.

"Hey, girl! Nice uh… wings!"

Sugar blushed. "I know! They really do compliment my amazin' figure, huh?"

"Look alive!" Chef barked. "We got incomin' fire power!"

Fire power indeed, as Tyler was still in his turret and aiming right for the approaching trio.

"Tyler!" Topher yelled over the PA. "I told you to retreat back into the ship!"

"Sorry, dude," Tyler snorted. "This fire gun's just really sick. Gotta get my money's worth, ya know? And uh… the hatch is kinda stuck."

"Ugh! Well... if you can take down those bogeys, then consider yourself immune."

"Roger that!"

A surge of flame roared towards the trio. Chef, armed with his pasta blaster, swerved out of the way and opened fire on the turret, hoping to jam the barrel. A close shot, but still a miss as it impacted on the glass.

"Huh, is that… spaghetti?" Tyler asked, a brow raised. "Uh, not the kinda dinner I was talking about."

Sugar, armed with a paintball gun, dodged the fire by a hair and took aim. "Suck an egg, Sporto!" A barrage of paint balls flew towards the turret, but another blast of fire incinerated them to dust and caught the tip of Sugar's poofy bun. With a bonk to the skull, she extinguished it with ease. "Crud! This dude's packin' heat!"

"And my leg ain't gonna take him out either," Lightning groaned. "Let's find the girls and quit wastin' time!"

Chef nodded in agreement and led the trio to the back of the zeppelin where Jasmine and Courtney waited at the back hatch, their hair blowing in the wind, wind strong enough to blow Jasmine's hat off had she had not held it down.

As Chef landed, Courtney and Jasmine cleared the way. But Sugar's entrance was less than elegant as the pageant queen rocketed in and slammed into Hatchet, toppling him to the ground as feathers flew. Lightning flew in soon after and hurried to Sugar's side with a concerned gasp.

"Sugar! You okay?! That was one heck of a landing!"

Sugar arose with a groan and patted Chef's back. "Yeah, I'm good. Thanks for breakin' my landin' big boy."

Lightning wiped the sweat off his brow in relief. "Whew! You scared me there. Your wings though..."

She gazed back to see her wings were totally busted, torn, bent, and whatever else could go wrong with them. Even a few sparks flew from the mechanical components. "Crud. Being a bird for a few minutes was kinda cool. Like a big chicken."

"An accurate metaphor," Courtney mumbled.

"Yeah yeah," Chef said, pushing her off and loading his pasta blaster. "Enough chit-chat. We got a pretty boy to take down, so just stay behind me and keep your eyes peeled for-"

One step forward and a blast of electricity shot out from the ceiling, zapping Chef to the ground as the other four screamed in shock.

"That's… not good," Jasmine said.

Sugar walked up and just kinda kicked Chef's limp body. No response. "Yep. He's out colder than a donkey in a hail storm. We're down a man. Crud."

"Great," Courtney huffed. "Just great. Now what? You can't tell me the whole ship is booby-trapped like this."

"It probably is," Jasmine said, "but Sugar and I know a thing about navigating booby-trapped lairs when a sinister force takes over the show. There's gotta be a way to the cockpit from here. Hell, how did Amy and Izzy get around?"

"Oh hey guys," came a familiar voice. Izzy herself, as if on cue, climbed in from outside the hatch, covered in green paint. "Are we launching a rebellion? Izzy wants in!"

Jasmine narrowed her eyes. "Uh, you tried to kill me. How about no?"

"Yeah, we don't align with the enemy," Courtney said, raising her paintball gun. "Now get lost. Preferably off the side of the airship."

Izzy simply walked past the group and stopped just short of the electric gate. "Don't worry, guys. I'll take you right to Topher. Little does he know that E-Scope… was a double agent all along!"

"Girl, you just made that up," Lightning scoffed.

"E-Scopes allegiances change with the wind," Izzy hummed. "Meaning I could totally betray you guys and lead you into another trap, but for now, I'm your MVP! Now let's go!"

She took a step forward and the electric gate blasted her as well, lighting up the room with sparks and flashes of blazing light. Stumbling back, she shook her head and laughed. "Oh wow! Talk about a rush! Shock therapy time! Hahahaha!"

Charging into the gate again, she was hit by yet another blast from the ceiling as Courtney, Sugar, Jasmine, and Lightning cringed. Then she did it again. And again. And again.

Confessional

"First the giant spider costume, now this?" Lightning said. "That Izzy ain't human. She's like… Like… Like some kind of shalien or something."

End Confessional

As a charred, sooty Izzy plopped down on top of Chef, the electric gate erupted in sparks and audibly powered down with a loud whir.

All everyone could do was stare on and blink with jaws dropped.

"So… that's one way to get past the barrier," Jasmine said. "But, no time to lose! We gotta move!"

Trading her slingshot for Chef's pasta blaster, Jasmine led the way past the electric gate and opened the door to the main hall, bracing for a trap. But when she stepped through, she was greeted with a long corridor, no traps in sight. At the end: another door.

"Looks clear," Sugar said. "But I ain't gonna buy it just yet. Who knows what that Topher's got up his ugly sleeves. Courtney, go see if it's safe!"

"Excuse me," Courtney growled.

"She's not wrong," Lightning said. "Topher's bound to have more traps set up, and we gotta sha-deal with 'em if we wanna take this thing down. And whoever does it first gets immunity, so obviously it's gonna be the Lightning!"

Jasmine tried to stop him, but the jock rushed past her and bounded down the hall.

"Here, trappy-traps! Lightning's gonna mess you up so bad, you'll be like… Oh no! We got messed up bad!"

A click.

He gazed down to his left foot, now locked on top of a pressure plate.

"Uh, this is some major de-sha vu," he said with a shiver.

"Don't move!" Courtney said. "If you keep your foot on the plate, it might not activate the trap associated with it. We need to find a way to replace his weight with something heavy enough to make the trap think he's still on it."

Jasmine tapped her chin. "Well, I have an idea, but it's not really… ethical."

Courtney perked up. "Consider me intrigued..."

In the control room, Topher growled, beating a fist into his chair's armrest as the "Electric Gate" light turned red. "How did they disable the electric gate?! No matter though. As any good host would know, it's never fun when the episode climaxes early. Enjoy the rest of the traps, Titans."

Cody's frail little simp arms finally gave out as he face-planted on the beach. The sounds of chatter and smell of burgers dragged him up the sandy strait towards the lights inland. This was it… His only chance to contribute, to save the season, to save the show, to save his friends. Well, they weren't his friends for the most part. But they were still human beings.

Soon enough, he found himself plopped down on hard tile as a confused commotion stirred around him.

"Cody?" came a familiar, soothing voice. "Don't tell me it was another double."

Squinting up into the light, he saw the angel of his dreams hovering overhead. Gwen.

"What?" came another voice. "Cody's here? Oh god, he's all wet. Is he okay?"

"He looks wrecked," said another in a worried tone.

"Whatever. I'm going back to the pool." That voice sounded totally over it.

His vision finally clearing, Cody looked around the beach side resort known as Playa Des Losers to find all eleven eliminated contestants awkwardly standing around in their swimsuits. Some carried hot dogs and burgers, others carried cans of cola, others like Heather and Alejandro were already on the way back to the pool.

"G-guys," he wheezed. "Emergency! B-blimp… Chris hostage… Backup!"

"Is he on something?" Owen asked. "He sounds so funny."

"Dude's just out of energy," Duncan said. "Those little noodle arms are like a couple pencils."

Gwen hit Duncan with an unimpressed look and the bad boy admitted defeat.

"Fine. I'll help him up."

As Cody was dragged to the nearest table and shown his seat, Beth came out with a blanket to wrap around the guy.

"I… barely had time to unpack, but here's Big Bertha's old blanket I brought as a comfort item if it helps."

Cody shook his head. "N-no! We have to go! The island… Under attack!"

"It's probably just a challenge," Shawn said. "Sounds like the kinda thing I'd be good at. And Jasmine, so way to go, babe!"

"I-it's not a challenge!" Cody said through chattering teeth. "Topher… He's back! He's trying to steal the show from Chris! Took the blimb! Zeppelin! Whatever!"

"…Oh," Shawn said. "You sure that's not a challenge? Sounds like one to me, and a pretty dope one too."

"Not one I'd wanna compete in," Scott said, casually downing a chicken wing and hurling the bone over his shoulder. "One 'save the douchey host from certain death' challenge was enough."

"No!" Cody groaned, his composure more solid than before as his energy returned. "We… We gotta go help! If we don't the season's over and Topher's gonna be the new host. He'll kick us all off and probably take the money for himself! We have to join the fight!"

"And how would we do that, amigo?" Alejandro asked, still hanging out nearby with Heather just to hear what the deal was before they finally returned to the pool. "And might I ask why I should care? I've already lost the competition. Without monetary encouragement I'm afraid there's no incentive to come to Chris' aid."

"Totally," Heather said. "That jerk's had this coming."

"I mean, they're right," Zoey sighed. "I hate seeing people suffering, but Chris is a grade-A butt and kinda deserves it. You've seen what he's put everyone through. He even left some of us to die. Multiple times. I'd call this karma to be honest."

"But Jasmine could still win the money!" Shawn said. "That's good enough of a reason to save the show for me! Count me in, Cody!"

Cody smiled and looked up to Gwen with those big puppy eyes. She was caught with a conflicted, pitiful look on her face.

"Look," Cody said, "we're the best of the best for a reason. It's not because we sat back and just let stuff happen."

"Uh, you did that for a whole season," Heather said. "I was there."

Cody blinked. "Okay but the rest of you were always there to give it your all. Why let that stop just because you're out of the running for the money? I know the show's been a big mess for most of us, but it's also given us a lot of great stuff too. People we've met, money we've won, experiences we've… experienced… The point is we can't let the show end like this. If we're really the best of the best, we have to prove it. Not by making some flashy games moves or manipulating everyone or winning all the challenges… but by being there for people when they need us."

Mike and Zoey shared a remorseful glance and stepped forward.

"I'm in," Mike said.

"Same," Zoey sighed. "Even if we can't win the money, it'd feel wrong for all our efforts to be for nothing in the end."

"You talk a hard bargain," Owen said, stuffing his face with burger soon after. "Count me in too, buddy!"

Beth smiled and raised a fist. "And if it means helping my pal Sugar get a chance at winning this, you know I'm down."

"Your speech was cheesy," Gwen sighed with a smirk, "but it's not like you'd let me live it down if I refused. And honestly, hearing powerful words like that coming from the awkward guy who tried to clinch my bra back in Season 1 is seriously cool."

Duncan snorted. "I'm not happy about you voting me off… but the chance to get into some action around here is pretty tempting."

Scott looked around and noticed the others in the vicinity were all clearly on Cody's side, so he shrugged and joined them. "Fine, but only because I want Courtney to get that money and no show means no winner and no winner means no rich girlfriend."

Now all eyes were on Alejandro and Heather, who stood there shook by the resolve of the others.

"Uh, no," Heather said. "Are you all cracked? Why put your lives on the line when there's no money to be won? Unless… the case of cash is on the ship..."

Alejandro's brow perked ever so slightly. "Hmm, the possibility crossed my mind. And we could always demand a rescue fee from our dear host should he be in a vulnerable position."

Heather smirked devilishly. "Like a spot back in the game… No! The finale!"

Alejandro cupped Heather's cheek. "I knew I loved you."

Gwen blinked. "Oooookay then, I'm gonna get Sky. Even if she's not up for it, I'd at least like her to know where we're going."

"So you're on good terms?" asked a surprised yet curious Cody.

"Yeah," Gwen said with a light smile. "We just had to sit down and talk it out. It's still… bumpy. But once she was eliminated, she simmered down and actually wanted to hear me out. Well, when she wasn't locking herself in her room."

As the goth returned to the resort, Cody suddenly gasped. "Oh crap! I don't even know how we're going to get back to the island! Or get in the air to reach the zeppelin!"

Shawn shot a finger pistol his was. "I gotcha covered. Remember the military helicopters we rode in on back in the first episode? They're actually sitting on a landing pad down the beach for when the season's over. Just leave it to me."

"And you can actually pilot one?" Owen asked. "Coooool."

"Well, I don't have a license, but licenses will be totally obsolete when the undead horde arrives, so I taught myself with enough simulators to know the basics."

Mike raised a finger. "But we don't have the-"

Shawn whipped out a chopper key. "Think again. I snatched the spare off one of the dudes piloting the thing back on the first day. Figured it couldn't hurt to prepare for an aerial escape."

Duncan snorted. "Pick-pocketing the army right off the bat? Impressive."

"And do we have a plan when we actually get there?" Scott asked. "If this is Chris' blimp we're talkin' about, it's gonna have some nasty security after what happened last time." He shot a snide glare Heather's way and received an even nastier one in return.

"Uhhhh not really," Cody said. "The others are probably doing their best right now, but we can be their backup if they need us. No way Topher could handle the entire cast, right?"

"I could handle the entire cast with these traps," Topher said, staring down at Chris as the host's hand was clasped around a pen by Eva's fist. Beneath him, the document to end his reign. "So I wouldn't waste any more time. We're getting some major close ups of those crows feet, you know..."

Chris gulped and shuddered. "L-look, Toph. Maybe we can-"

"Nope, no more deals. You're signing this. Now."

Eva pushed his hand down, pressing the pen's tip against the page. "Go on. Sign it like your life depends on it. Which… it does."

Chris fought back, but was no match for Eva's forceful pressure. Topher's frustrated pout turned upwards into a light smile as the pen moved across the page…

And it was out of ink.

"What?" Topher gasped. "No! Seriously?!"

Chris snorted. "Ha! Guess your plan's donezo, dude. Sucks to be you right now. Bet you feel like a total lame-o loser, huh?"

"We can sign it in his blood," Eva suggested, causing Chris to drop the smirk and bite his lip.

Topher shrugged. "I'll go find another pen while the booby traps handle the ex-contestants. If they somehow get to the cockpit, you know what to do."

Eva and Brick both saluted their young, suave, gorgeous host as he rummaged through the airship's drawers.

As Izzy's body hit the pressure plate, Lightning jumped off and rolled away.

"Sha-dang. That was close," he said. "Thanks for the help, ladies! Now it's Lightning's turn to save you from the next booby trap."

"Let's just hope they're all this easy to deal with," Courtney whispered, stepping over Izzy's snoring form. "There's bound to be worse ones the closer we get."

As Sugar, Jasmine, and Lightning moved toward the next door, Izzy suddenly started coughing and turned over in her sleep, muttering something about duck meat and spam salad. The four collectively gasped as the pressure plate shot back into place with a click and a torrent of fire flooded the hallway.

"Oh crap!" Jasmine yelled, yanking the door open and rushing through.

Courtney pushed Lightning and Sugar aside. "Out of the way, out of the way!"

"Hey!" Sugar gasped, chasing Courtney down. "You shove me into that fire again and you'll be deader than a wolverine over my mama's fireplace! And she's got one so you better watch it, Missy!"

"And ain't nobody gonna shove the Lightning!" the jock growled, leaving the hall and slamming the door behind him with Izzy still inside.

"You… You think she'll be okay in there?" Jasmine asked, out of breath.

"She's Izzy," Courtney said dismissively. "She'll be fine."

Sugar walked up to the other girls with the top of her hair ablaze. "Yeah, she's one of them fire spirits or somethin' ain't she? That red hair's a telltale sign."

"Uh, Sugar?" Jasmine said, grimacing at the flame atop her head.

"Shut up!" Sugar barked. "I ain't gonna listen to no talk back from you!"

Jasmine shrugged and walked off to examine the new hallway. "Suit yourself."

Lightning smelled smoke and immediately noticed the fire. "Farm Girl!" he panicked. "You're on fire!"

Sugar blinked and winked all seductively, a hand cupped under her chin. "Well, I do appreciate the compliments, Mr. Lightning. I am quite-"

"Not that kinda fire! Your head, girl!"

Sugar blinked, gazed up, and screamed. "Ahhh! I'm on fire! Someone get some water! I'm burnin' over here!"

"Told ya," Jasmine mumbled to herself, finding nothing strange with the hallway at first glance.

Confessional

"So," the Aussie began, "the first corridor had an electric barrier and the second one was full of fire. No clue what the third one's got in store, but it's bound to be far, far worse than anything we've encountered so far."

End Confessional

Lightning finally managed to extinguish Sugar's hair fire with his bare hands, leaving himself with some minor ouchies. "There ya go, girl. Lightning saved that gorgeous mane of gold for ya! Way to go me!"

Sugar felt up her poof and whimpered. "Shoot! My mama's gonna kill me. You ain't gonna win pageants with hair this messed up!"

Lightning gave his hand a lick and formed Sugar's poof back into place. It wasn't perfect and looked weird, but hey, better than nothing, right?

"There. Good as sha-new!"

Sugar sighed and felt up her fixed doo. "Yeah, it is an improvement. Just another reason to give it our all to stop that pretty boy. Once I get the money, I'm getting this ugly lil blemish fixed up. But uh, thanks, Guy."

"No problem," Lightning boasted, blushing ever so slightly as he assumed an Adonis-like pose. "Lightning's always down to help a lady in need. He wouldn't be a hero if he didn't!"

Sugar's pupils went wide and a smile crept up on her face as she stared at Lightning's posing self, but she quickly brushed it all off as a loud creak shattered the mood.

"Look alive!" Jasmine barked, firing her pasta blaster down the hall as a humanoid shape lurched towards them, emitting a droning, familiar cry.

"Total! Drama! Total! Drama!"

It was a Chris-bot. Just one. And Jasmine's pasta blasted it against the wall where it sparked to death.

"Not these darn things again," Sugar huffed. "But at least there's only one of 'em, right?"

Suddenly several ceiling tiles slid open and a couple dozen more Chris-bots hit the floor, reaching out as a sea of mechanical hands towards the four intruders.

Courtney screamed, firing her paintball gun in all directions as they closed in. "Heeeeelp!"

Sugar punched and kicked her way through a couple, but was quickly overwhelmed. "Get your grabby fingers off uh me you uglies!"

Lightning pursed his lips, narrowed his eyes, and started dragging Chris-bots off his ally, whacking them with his spiked leg weapon once they were vulnerable. "Not cool, robots! Hands off the Sugar!" Another pair of Chris-bots descended and pulled Lightning away. "Ahhh!"

As Courtney's paintballs proved useless against the metal monsters and she was consumed by the horde, Jasmine found herself backed into a corner, firing glob after glob of spaghetti to down the approaching machines until the trigger clicked and nothing shot out.

"Crap! Empty already?"

Tossing the bazooka into the horde, she took out a row of five Chris-bots, smashing them into the ground where they shorted out, only for five more to step over them muttering the same mechanical, monotonous, catch-phrases.

Confessional

"On my expeditions, I'm usually I'm used to fighting off angry 'roos," Jasmine explained. "Maybe a poacher here and there, maybe a croc. Robots though? Not my specialty. I thought I was done for, but then… it hit me!"

End Confessional

One of the Chris-bots punched Jasmine in the face and she stumbled back into the wall.

"Ouch!"

I can't take 'em all. Not alone…

She gazed to Lightning, Sugar, and Courtney, all trapped in mounds of Chris-bots. She had no partners, no allies, no helping hands. But there was one thing she did have…

"Shawn, you didn't like the idea, but cage fighting school is now in session! Hiiii-yah!"

With one punch, Jasmine took the head clean off the nearest Chris-bot. The rest of the army paused, stared at the trembling, decapitated body, then continued advancing.

"Bring it on, mates!" she taunted, shaking her sore hand. "I might be alone, but Shawn's in my heart, which pumps blood to my fists, which are gonna take all you drongos down!"

Tearing into the horde, Jasmine found herself covered in oil after a few punches and kicks. She popped the head off one robot, causing a geyser of fluid to spray upwards. Another robot had its arms torn off and launched into the heads of two others. One even had the unlucky distinction of being kneed in the groin and launched head first into the wall where it folded like a tin can.

As the numbers dwindled, Lightning managed to grab his bat back and swing wildly, taking out the machines surrounding himself and Sugar. "Lightning strikes! Sha-bam! Home run! Touchdown! Goal!"

Sugar herself surged back to her feet and headbutted the robot grabbing onto her arms, knocking it down for the count. "Taste that thick cray-nee-um, metal man!"

Courtney finally powered her way out of the horde and slammed the butt of her paintball gun into every metal head around her, caving them in and toppling the last of the machines save for one faulty, stumbling one Jasmine dispatched with a flick to the nose.

"Well that was humiliating," Courtney grunted, fuming with fury. "Where's the pretty boy brat?!"

"There can't be many rooms left," Lightning said, slinging the oil off his leg bat. "We gotta be sha-close!"

"Then what're we waitin' for?" Sugar groaned, reaching for Lightning's bat. "Mind if I borrow this?"

Lightning didn't even have time to respond before Sugar snatched the spiked leg and smashed down the door leading to the next room in the airship. One hit was all it took. Her job complete, she handed it back with a smile. "Much obliged, Sporty!"

Lightning held up a hand, both to reject the weapon and hide his cheeks. "Uh, nah, girl. You can keep it. Those were… mighty impressive swingin' skills you showed there. Uh, yeah. Real sha-cool."

Sugar giggled and blushed. "Well, if you say soooo," she said in a sing-song tone, her cheeks flushing with a rosy hue.

Confessional

"Maaan, you see the way that girl swung my weapon?" the jock said with a smirk that screamed admiration. "She handled that thing like a pro: rough and without mercy! That poor door don't know what hit it! As much as Lightning loves that bat, he knows a strong heir to Leggy when he sees one." His smirk turned into a pair of pursed lips. "Huh? Lightning can never be matched… can he?"

End Confessional

Passing through the busted down doorway, the four invaders were faced with one last door. Across it was written "COCKPIT" in bold, military style lettering.

"We made it," Jasmine sighed happily, wiping a bit of oil off her cheek. "Just be ready for anything. If Chris was serious, the toughest traps are just up ahead..."

"I got my eyes and ears workin' overtime," Sugar said. "Ain't no trap gettin' me down this time..."

"Stay on your toes," Courtney added. "Who knows what horrible monstrosity Chris cooked up..."

"Lightning's ready to strike," the jock boasted, readying his oily fists.

And then the final obstacle revealed itself. Stepping forth from the shadows was a cloaked figure, tall and imposing. And also wearing a fake beard.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Leonard screeched at the top of his lungs. "Return from whence you came, fools! For I, the noble wizard Leonidas XXI himself has emerged from his slumber to ravage the invading hoooordes!"

Sugar pouted. "Oh great. Not the phony wizard again."

Jasmine rolled her eyes. "Yeah yeah, whatever, mate."

Lightning blinked. "Uh, move aside, nerd. We got a season to save."

"You are too late!" Leonard chanted. "Nay, I say! For the magical binding contract is being signed in blood as we speak! Once the sacred signature has been completed, the Council of Rejects shall rise to power and conquer all!" Throwing his arms out wide, he screeched another chant. "Scent of musk and old pet carriers! Bring for a series of magic barriers!"

Courtney waited a few seconds, sighed, then shot Leonard in the leg with a paintball and the dweeb fell over in pain.

"Vanquished by a cursed projectile?! Her dark magic is too much for me! I have falllllllen!" And then Leonard went limp. Wasted.

"Okay then," Jasmine said. "Let's do this for real this time."

"That was actually kinda satisfying," Courtney hummed, turning to Sugar with a mildly impressed yet also annoyed look. "I see the appeal now. My bruises don't, but I do."

"Nice shootin'," Sugar snorted smugly, stomping over the groaning wizard and bashing her way through the final door to the control room. "Let's wrap up this hoe down in a jiffy!"

Confessional

"Takin' the fake wizard down should've been my job," Sugar said, her tone bitter. "But us country girls respect a good shot when we see one. That Courtney might be one slimy sucker, but she ain't all bad."

End Confessional

"Sign! The! Contract!"

Topher was straight up hovering over Chris as Eva shoved his pen-grasping hand down on the paper.

"I… refuse!" Chris groaned.

"Just get it over with and stop fighting," Eva sighed, keeping the pressure on.

Brick stood idly by, tapping his fingers anxiously. Something about this just felt… wrong.

And then the door flew off the hinges.

"Ha!" Sugar taunted, pointing her fake leg between Topher's eyes from afar. "You just got beat like an egg, pretty boy! Uh, I mean you're gonna be, here in a jiffy."

Jasmine, Courtney, and Lightning stepped in behind her, armed with their own weapons and even more intimidating sneers.

Chris sniffled with glee as a single tear trickled down his cheek. "You guys… you really do care..."

Topher yelped and scuttled back to the airship's controls. "Ahhh! Not my beautiful face! Eva, Brick, stop them!"

Eva dropped Chris and charged at the invaders, her fists raised overhead. The other three parted to let Jasmine through and both girls collided hands to hands, pushing hard against each other.

"Why can't you just lay down and let yourselves lose," the bully grunted, surprised Jasmine was close to a match for her super strength.

"Because I'm here to win," Jasmine grunted back. "It's what Shawn would have wanted!"

As Jasmine handled Eva, the other three turned to Brick, who politely put a hand up to counter their raised weapons.

"At ease, soldiers! We can resolve this without violence. Just uh, surrender peacefully and nobody has to get hurt."

"Brick!" Topher whined. "Are you kidding me? This isn't the attitude of a winner. Get in there and put a stop to this uprising at once."

Brick gazed between his boss and the players, nibbling at his lip.

"Dude," Lightning said, "you really wanna listen to this pretty boy punk? I thought you were all about that sha-honor and stuff. And this ain't honorable in Lightning's book."

Courtney rolled her eyes, her paintball gun locked on the cadet. "Yeah, I feel like trying to take over a show and kill us is a bit extreme. And I should know because I've been there before. Not exactly a place you want to be to be honest."

"I dunno who you are," Sugar said, "but I gotta take ya down if you ain't gonna move. So git!"

"Brick," Topher stressed. "Don't listen to them. They disrespected you and left you to waste away on a beach. You really think they have your best interests at heart? If you do, you're just falling for the same tricks Chris used."

"Uh, correction," Chris said. "I never promised I had anyone's interests at heart by my own, sooooo yeah, keep my name out of the gaslighting please."

Topher glared down at his former idol. "Stay out of this. And sign the contract already! Then it can all end…"

Jasmine finally tired out and Eva shoved her back into the wall, rushing forward with a punch at the ready. "You're going doooown!"

Brick's lip nibbling grew more intense by the second, his gaze rapidly switching between all the action. Topher… the cast… Eva… Chris… Everything. Then it hit him… the perfect plan of action!

Scooping the contract off the floor, he held it in both hands, ready to tear that shit in two if need be. "Ceasefire! I have an iron-clad contract and I'm not afraid to destroy it! This code-breaking madness has to end! So lay down your weapons."

Eva stopped her punch just before it connected to Jasmine's face, opting instead to hold her against the wall in a grip she couldn't break so easily. Courtney and Sugar paused, their weapons still raised despite Brick's orders. Chris smirked. Lightning just looked confused as hell.

"Brick!" Topher growled. "How… dare you! You've deserted! That's the worst offense of all! Now put the contract down..."

"I..." Brick stared at the single piece of paper, feeling its weakness in his trembling hands. One rip was all it would take. "I can't let this continue. Sure, Chris isn't the most respectable host a cadet could ask for, but interfering with a game like this? No amount of fashion school tuition is worth the shame… The shame of breaking the code... We can end this like men and women and everything in between. Like adults."

Topher blinked. "Weeeell enjoy being totally useless then." He pulled out a small taser from the glove box and shot the cadet. Brick sputtered and convulsed from the shock and hit the ground, the contract floating gently out of his hands and drifting into Topher's. "What a shame, but part of the business is cutting dead weight for the sake of success after all." He pointed the taser at the three remaining threats. "Now… I suggest you politely close the door before it gets uglier. Which, heh, seems impossible with me in the room, but hey, there's a lot of ugly energy in here right now. Really cramps my style, ya know?"

"What now?" Lightning whispered. "This ain't good."

"We have to do something," Courtney winced. "Jasmine's pinned and our weapons aren't gonna cut it."

"Ain't gonna quit now," Sugar mumbled. "Not after all the hard work we did gettin' up here..."

Chris let out a loud, pissed off groan from the ground. "Wooow, way to go, dudes. I thought you had a chance for a minute there, buuut I guess not. Way. To. Go."

"At least we tried!" Courtney hissed.

"And look where it got you," Topher taunted, his hand hovering over the control panel. "Sure, you spooked me for a second there, but between Jasmine being pinned down, me having the contract and the best weapon in the room, aaaand the inevitability of Chris being a total flop, I think I snatched victory from the jaws of defeat in style."

Jasmine's nostrils flared. "Not… Yet..."

Eva's eyes widened. "Huh? What are you-"

With one solid punch to the chin, Jasmine gave Eva the uppercut of her life and send her tumbling back just long enough for Jasmine to get a second wind.

"This is my season," Jasmine snorted with a confident smirk. "No way am I losin' to the likes of you wily rats. Bring it on, Sheila. Let's see what you're really made of!"

Eva snorted right back, hard enough that you'd expect steam to pour from her nose. "Oh yeah! Well I'll show you what six seasons of robbery have built up to! Ahhhhhh!"

Both girls charged forward with fists raised, but at the last second, Jasmine, swerved and ducked, knocking Eva right out from under herself to send the bully hurdling towards the thick steel wall face first. With a massive clang, she left an Eva-shaped dent and fell back, totally stunned.

"Hey, watch the damage," Chris whined. "I paid like… a lot for this thing!"

Jasmine grabbed her by the ponytail and stared into her swirling eyes. "Next time… Don't rely so much on your punches, mate." With her dig delivered, she tossed her KO'd enemy down at Brick's equally KO'd side, taking a stand next to her three fellow players as they stared Topher down.

"Nice one," Courtney said. "So, Topher… Think your little taser can take all four of us?"

Topher gulped. This was bad. Like… really, really bad. Two KO'd beefcakes. Tyler stuck in the turret below and probably just chilling. Izzy knocked out across the ship. Leonard too invested in his role to be any help. Amy… probably just hiding somewhere like a coward. Now it was all down to Topher alone. And he was going to give them…

"In that case, get ready for the Topher Experience!"

Slamming his hand down on the control panel, a cage dropped down from the ceiling, encasing all four players and Chris behind bars.

"What?!" Sugar gasped. "Noooo! We were so close! Stupid cage trap! I ain't no raccoon! I mean, maybe it's karma for cagin' all them raccoons, but they eat darn near all our berries! Those are mine!"

Lightning face-palmed. "Sha-crap. Dude had us pegged the entire time."

"I hate this episode so much," Courtney huffed. "This is a mess."

Jasmine snarled, trying to bend the bars. "No use. We're stuck in here."

Chris groaned, rolling over on his back. "Ughghghgh! You guys suuuuck. You didn't think I wouldn't have a big cage ready to drop on you at any time? Seriously? That's like, McLean 101!"

Sugar resisted the urge to spit on the host's lazy corpse, if only because she wanted to save that stuff for Topher's face.

Courtney was about to pull her hair out. "You could have, oh I dunno, told us in the last five minutes!"

"I figured it was obvious," Chris said. "Soooo… Yeah, not my fault."

"Honestly," Topher said, "I didn't know it was a cage. I figured pressing something was better than pressing nothing. Guess that's just luck on my side, huh? And when the Goddess of Luck's watching out for you, you really can't lose. So..." He held up the contract one last time. "Unless you want to see what else these buttons do, I'd suggest signing, Chris. For real this time. I'm sure your awards don't have much time left until they're puddles..."

"Don't you dare," Jasmine growled, noticing a look of conflict on Chris' face.

"But… my Gemmies..."

"Dude, Lightning will smack you!" the jock said.

"Well..."

"You sign away our chance at the money and you're a dead man, Chris," Courtney hissed.

"I mean..."

"Guy, you ain't signin' nothin' on my watch," Sugar barked.

The room fell into silence.

And then the sound of a distant buzz rattled the cockpit. And it was coming closer.

Topher picked some wax from his ear. "Uh, you hear something?"

Jasmine gazed through the bars, over Topher's shoulder, and out the cracked window. "Hey… Is… Is that a-"

"A UFO!" Sugar yelped. "We're saved! Them aliens got all sorts of techy stuff to help in pinches like these! Or they're here for our guns… in which case, we gotta fight!"

Courtney was too stunned to roll her eyes at Sugar's stupidity. That was no UFO. It was…

"A helicopter?" Topher gasped, his palms sweating. "Oh no no no no no. This is not part of the plan."

"Who has a sha-chopper?" Lightning asked. "This some kinda military thing?"

"It's the one… we rode in on?" Jasmine mumbled. "But who's piloting it if Chef's knocked out down the hall?"

Topher panicked, quickly scanning the control panel full of buttons for anything that looked dangerous. "Come on, come on. Where's the defense system. You gotta have some kind of anti-aircraft stuff in here somewhere." So what was Topher going to do? Press everything he could!

Tyler's garbled voice rang through the cockpit's radio. "Hey, is that a- AHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!" And soon Tyler's voice was no more.

Topher cringed, removing a finger from a big red "EJECT" button. "Aaaand there's the first elimination of the season. Uh, shocking early elims are totally ratings gold, right? No? Okay, what about this one?!"

A siren blared and a robotic female voice spoke over the intercom. "Self-destruct sequence initiated. Five seconds until detonation."

Every single soul in the room screamed and braced for the sweet embrace of death.

"Just kidding," the voice added. "Ha. Got 'em."

"Seriously?" Courtney growled, grabbing Chris by the collar. "You put a self-destruct prank on this thing? Why?!"

"Figured it'd be a fun TV moment," Chris said with a shrug.

Topher pressed more buttons, activating the sprinklers, deactivating the sprinklers, activating them again, turning on some Greek radio station, tuning into some weird static, turning on the ship's vent and blowing dust everywhere, turning on the sprinklers again…

But damn it, he just couldn't find any good buttons.

"What is the deal with this thing?" he growled, nearly about to slam his fist down and shatter the panel. "Why. Are. There. So. Many. Buttons?!"

Gazing up, he noticed the worst sight imaginable next to a spotting a pimple in the mirror: a helicopter hovering up alongside the cockpit. Standing inside, gathered around a massive sliding door, were Cody and the losers, glaring right into Topher's soul through the cracked glass. Heather and Alejandro stood back to back, giving the pretty boy a pair of cocky smirks. Beth waved to her buddy. Owen stood idly by with a devious yet joyful grin. Mike and Zoey looked mildly angry with Topher, casting judgmental looks down upon him. Scott just stood around looking annoyed, clearly not wanting to be there. Duncan too, but less so. And then there was Sky, standing side by side with Gwen. Both girls looked confident and smug. A total glow up!

And in the middle: Cody, looking the most confident of them all with the smuggest, widest smirk on his face. Who's the legend now, huh?

"No way," Jasmine said, her grip on the bars loosening. "T-they're all here! But where's-"

"Attention!" came a voice from the copter's speakers. "This airship is going down! So park it nicely or we're gonna take it down ourselves! If you got a Z-virus onboard, it's gettin' torched!"

Confessional

Jasmine squealed like a schoolgirl. "Eeeeee! I knew he was a keeper! What kinda girl doesn't like a man comin' to her rescue in a frickin' chopper? None of 'em, that's who."

End Confessional

Well, that was certainly an outnumbering if Topher had ever seen one. His jaw hung limp. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh… Yeah, I'm out. Where's the parachute?"

"There's not one." Chris shrugged. "Sorry, dude."

Now it was time for Sugar, Courtney, Jasmine, and Lightning to glare at Chris. Again.

"What?" the host whined. "I couldn't afford it after all commissioning all those Chris-bots. You try paying for that much mechanical handsomeness and have enough left over for something dumb and useless."

Topher let out a guttural growl and hit up the airship's speakers, putting on his most suave voice possible. Which ended up being shaky and nervous as fuck. "Look, we can talk this out! Just because I'm stealing this ship and masterminding the creation of the newest season of Total Drama with myself as host doesn't mean you aren't welcome to, uh, participate? Maybe? Y-yeah! You can all be debut contestants in the next season with a chance at the million all over again!"

Alejandro and Heather shared a curious, hesitant look. Did they dare?

"Not a chance!" Cody huffed, his voice barely audible over the roar of the blades above. "Even if we didn't win, we're not letting you win!"

Topher raised a brow and pointed to his ear. "WHAT?!"

Cody cupped his hands around his mouth. "I said even if we didn't win, we're not letting you win!"

Topher blinked and shook his head back at the caged crew. "Yeah, can't hear him."

Cody leaned out the door and screamed even louder. "EVEN IF WE DID-AHHHHHH!"

Gwen reached for the geeks arm, but she was too late. "Cody! No!"

The simp fell from the door, sailing right into the cockpit window head first as the chopper swung away, his eyes bulging wide like two moons in the night sky as his screams drowned out the whirring of the blades. With a mighty crash, he shattered his way into the cockpit and faceplanted on the steel floor, plunging the room into shocked silence.

Confessional

"I actually thought that guy died," Sugar said with a casual shrug. "You crash through a big ol' window like that and survive? Proves you got it in ya. Dunno what that 'it' is though. Probably some kinda superpowers, I guess."

End Confessional

Cody quickly popped up, dusted himself off and took a defensive stance in Topher's direction. Needless to say, the man wasn't impressed.

"Heh, really?" he huffed smugly. "You crash in here and this is all you got? I might not be a trained fighter, but if you're the last hope for this show, trust me, you're in over your head, kid."

"Git him, Cody!" Sugar barked. "Rough his behind up good!"

"We're screwed," Courtney deadpanned.

Cody raised a fist, trembling too hard to keep it steady. "I-I'll stop you. I don't know how… But I will! I have all my friends supporting me!"

Charging forward with all the simpy energy his body could muster, Cody launched a solid swing right at Topher's face, missing by a mile as he easily dodged. Cody tripped into the control panel, letting out a whiny "Goooooohhhh!" as his crotch caught on a control stick.

The air ship jolted mid-air, suddenly making a sharp downward turn before balancing back out as Cody fell off the stick, snapping it in half in a blast of sparks.

Topher, caught by surprise, stumbled just long enough for Cody to swing back around and deliver a round house kick, or really an accidental slap across the face with a foot as he got tossed like a ragdoll, to Topher's perfect face.

"Yeah, that's it, little man!" Lightning cheered. "You got him!"

Topher popped back up, a light scratch on his cheek and his hair ruffled. "Oh that's it! I'm done playing around! Enjoy your last minute of Total Drama stardom, you little..." Back to the remote his fingers went, pressing whatever hadn't been pressed yet.

Unfortunately for Topher, one of them opened a hole in the floor directly under his feet and out into the night sky he plummeted with a scream, conveniently closer to the tree tops so his fall would at least have some kind of cushioning. The remote flew out his hands and landed in one piece on the cockpit floor.

"Why is that a buttoooooooooooonnnnn!"

Silence. Shock.

Cody raised a weak fist. "D-did I beat him?"

Jasmine winced. "Um, not really? He... kinda beat himself."

"Yep," Courtney sighed. "A classic hoisted by your own petard kind of downfall. Now if you don't mind…" She sneered. "Get us out of this cage!"

"Yeah," Chris groaned. "I'm not made for being this close and personal with so many of these guys. No offense."

Sugar smacked Chris on the back of his head. "Zip it! We came all the way out here for ya, so suck it up!"

"Ow! Fiiiine… But only because I'm relieved the show's safe. Can't say the same for my Gemmies, but I'll cut my losses. Besides, most of 'em were fakes anyways."

As the others bickered, Cody anxiously looked at the control panel. "Uh, which one controls the cage?"

"Man, Lightning don't know!" the jock said. "Just press a bunch of 'em and see what happens!"

"Or we could land first," Courtney suggested. "I don't-"

The airship suddenly jolted again as sparks flew from the busted control stick. And then things got real. The ship slowly turned downward, beginning a rapid decline towards the sea. Air blasted through the busted window, nearly blowing Cody off his feet.

"Oh crap! We're gonna crash!" Jasmine shrieked. "And we're trapped!"

"Cody, pull up!" Courtney said. "You have to steer us back up or we're all hosed! Hurry!"

The simp frantically tried to yank the busted, snapped stick back into place, but the thing was locked and the sparks flying out of the panel stung his hands.

"It's stuck! I can't move it!"

"Oh no!" Lightning yelped. "Lightning's gonna die! He ain't even gotten his Superbowl rings yet! What a sha-world!"

"Calm down," Jasmine huffed. "Cody, look for some kind of override button! There's gotta be another way to control the altitude!"

Buttons. That's all Cody could see as the sea grew closer. Buttons. Hundreds of them. Or maybe he was still seeing double from that big crash through the window. But there were totally a ton of buttons, flashing ones, and very few gave any impression as to what they did.

"Just push somethin' fast!" Sugar pleaded. "I-I can't die before… Uh..." Her face turned red again. Then, with a solid, refined determination, she grabbed Lightning by the shoulders and gave him a wet, sloppy kiss on the lips. "There! I like ya! A lot! Just had to get that outta my system..."

Lightning's eyes shot open wide as his cheeks turned just as red as hers. "Sha-dang… Girl… I… Sha-bam? I mean… You like the Lightning more than just likin' him like a fan, but like… a girl?!"

Sugar blinked. "Uh, I guess. I just… I really feel like you and I get each other and-"

"Disgusting!" Chris gagged. "Gah! Forget the controls! Just let me die so I can forget what I just saw! I'm traumatized!"

Confessional

Courtney blinked. "Uh, yeah. I kinda suspected it would happen, but… Wow."

(static)

"Those two were made for each other," Jasmine sighed. "Vain, arrogant, win at all costs players… Poor Lightning though. Imagine having taste in women that terrible. Yikey."

(static)

Sugar sighed, slumping to the side. "Gosh darn it, I hope that ain't makin' me look weak on TV. But when a girl thinks she's gonna die in a big airship crash with a boy she's got it bad for, she gotta let him know, right?"

(static)

"Sha-dang..." Lightning slapped himself. "Did that actually happen? Uh, not that Lightnin' ain't cool with it since Sugar's one dope chick with a drive to win, like Lightning but with boobs, but… Lightning ain't had one of the ladies do the kick off like that. Normally he's the one makin' the big plays..."

(static)

Chris vomited into a bucket.

End Confessional

Jasmine slapped a hand over Chris' mouth, still half-shocked from the big kiss. "Cody. Focus. You can do this. You're supposed to be the tech guy, right? Sort it out. Find the right button..."

Just like disarming a time bomb… Under pressure!

Cody only had a minute left to make his choice. Press the wrong button and it could all be over. For everyone… This was it. His big moment. He'd either be a legend… or die trying.

Staring through the hypnotic flashing of beeping and blazing buttons, Cody spotted one with a clear name in small, barely legible text.

Internal Cockpit Barricade.

Staring up at the ceiling, he noticed a gap between himself and the cage. A gap that stretched across the entire cockpit, cleaving the ceiling down the middle.

That was it. His last resort. He pressed the button and a giant metal wall shot down between himself and the others, a small glass window offering the only glimpse between both sides.

"Cody, what are you doing?!" Jasmine cried. "You're gonna-"

"I-it's okay!" he pleaded, his face pressed against the glass. "If I can't save us all… I-I'll save all of you! That's what makes a real legend!"

Courtney shook the bars. "Wait! But you can still-"

"There's no more time! Just… hold onto something!"

Courtney, Chris, and Jasmine hugged the bars. Sugar and Lightning grabbed each other, forcing a couple flimsy smiles despite the horror of the situation. At least, as cliché as it is to write this, they had each other.

Cody turned around just in time to see the impact face to face. The airship, careening down into the ocean, was swallowed by sea water that flooded the cockpit up to the sealed barrier. And with a massive splash, the crisis came to an end…

Topher crawled out of the thick brambles, cut up and full of thorns. "Ugh, my face… Chris is gonna pay for ruining my show-stopper looks… on top of everything else."

Taking a step into the open, he immediately found himself face to face with the entire band of losers, staring him down menacingly with cracking knuckles, sneering glares, and narrowed eyes galore. Behind them, the landed chopper rested in a clearing.

"Oh, uh, wow! Funny seeing you guys here. Look, I know the whole 'overthrow Chris' thing is a bit on the extreme end of things, but come on. It's not like you wouldn't do the same, right? Right?"

"I'll get his legs," Shawn said.

"And I'll get the arms," Duncan snorted.

"And I'll get that stupid, chiseled face," said Heather.

Topher grimaced, taking a step back. "Oh crap."

With the power of editing, everyone involved in the matter was present at the elimination area. Chris stood with a platter of kabobs as the 11 losers watched from the arena. At their feet, Topher, Eva, Brick, Leonard, Amy, Izzy, and Tyler laid tied up and glum. Except Izzy, who was kinda enjoying it? Yeah, typical Izzy.

And of course, Chef, marred by light burns, stood nearby with a tired expression.

"Well… that was certainly an episode," Chris said. "Can't say I'm happy about anything that went down aside from the survival of myself and the show as a whole, but hey, at least nobody tried to blow up the island this time."

"Just you wait, Chris!" Topher scoffed. "You haven't seen anything y-"

"Great David and Goliath, enough already!" Owen stuffed one of his dirty socks in Topher's mouth, shutting his ass up for good. "Sorry about the toe jam though."

Chris smirked. "Thanks, Owen. Anyways, it's no surprise who the kabobs go to tonight. Even though Cody won tonight's makeshift challenge..." The camera turned to reveal the geek in a wheelchair and full body cast a la his Paintball Deer Hunter days. "He's waaay too injured to continue as per the advice of the medical personnel. Meaning Jasmine, Courtney, Sugar, and Lightning, you're all safe and heading to the final four! Congrats!"

The final four caught their kabobs and gave Cody sympathetic, grateful glances.

As for the evacuated simp himself, he just sighed. "I really thought I had a shot for a bit there, but… I'm just glad I did the right thing. I'd rather lose as a hero than win as some scheming weasel. And besides, I'm a fast healer with full body damage experience. I'll be back on my feet in no time."

Sugar sniffled, then cried into Lightning's shoulder. "I'm gonna miss you, little guy. Your sacrifice ain't gonna be in va-a-a-a-aaaain!"

Lightning gently pushed Sugar away, not exactly comfortable with the whole 'girlfriend cries on you' thing yet. "Uh, yeah, dude. Sucks to see ya go out this way, but you kicked sha-ass in the sky. Lightning'll mark you down as an honorary Thunder. Ain't Lightning's level, but it's close."

Jasmine tipped her hat. "Sorry it had to happen this way, but final five on a season of the greats is impressive. You might be goin' home, but you're a legend in my book, mate. Take care and get better."

Courtney gulped. "Uh, yeah… I'm… sorry for some of the stuff I made you do." She probably wasn't. "And I really wish you weren't going home like this." She was relieved if anything. "But… yeah, final five's impressive. You proved a lot of people wrong, and you should wear that badge of honor with pride." Okay, that part she meant.

Cody sniffled back the snot and held back his tears. "Oh, you guys… No matter who wins, I'm just glad I was able to make sure you could finish this season the right way. I might not have won the money, but… I won something better."

Chris grabbed Cody's chair and wheeled him back to the losers, parking him next to Gwen. He also made sure to really grind the wheels over Topher's hands, causing the pretty boy to scream through his nasty sock gag.

"You know, you were a total badass out there," the goth whispered in his ear. "A real Gigadick Chad move to be honest."

Cody snorted. "R-really? You were, I mean… Of course. It's what a real legend would do. Put others before himself, save lives..."

"Oh knock it off," Gwen snorted, giving him a little peck on the cheek. "You earned it. But don't expect more than that, okay? I'm serious."

Cody blushed so hard he swooned into unconsciousness, and the losers took him back to the chopper to return to the Playa as Shawn blew a goodbye kiss of good luck Jasmine's way. She caught it, blushed, and waved back.

I'm still gonna win it for us...

But first…

"So," Heather said, approaching Chris with Al at her side. "Our payment is obvious."

Chris raised a brow. "Your what?"

"Uh, our payment for stopping Topher and saving the show?" Alejandro said. "Because we led the charge to save Total Drama, it's only fair that we return to the game to make up for how unfair our initial eliminations and previous losses were."

Chris blinked. Then laughed. Hard. And right in their faces too, making sure to get a nice bit of spittle all over them. "Ha! Wow! You… You guys are a riot! Return to the game? Funniest shit I've ever heard! But no! Get your butts back to the Playa, you little devils. And take the trash out with you. And by trash, I mean Topher and his lackeys. Call the cops while you're at it. I don't wanna deal with 'em anymore. The cops I mean… For reasons."

"Rip-off," Heather grumbled, leaving side by side with her boyfriend.

And then only four teens remained in the Temple. The final four. At long last.

And for Chris, it was finally time to sign off as the teens awkwardly lurked in the background, covered in dirt and sweat.

"Well, with Cody's tragic exit, the endgame has officially kicked off. Only four players remain, and there's bound to be fireworks! Will Courtney and Jasmine complete their comeback? What kind of gross behavior will Lightning and Sugar get into next? And who will survive the toughest challenge yet? Find out all the answers, next time on Total! Drama! Clash of the Titans!"

Eliminated: Mike, Zoey, Owen, Alejandro, Shawn, Duncan, Heather, Gwen, Scott, Sky, Beth, Cody

The Final Four: Courtney, Jasmine, Lightning, Sugar

Reasoning for Elimination: Cody was added instead of Cameron because I felt like his fish out of water, needing to prove himself story had more legs than Cam being an early boot meme. And after seeing his journey all the way to the final five? I think I made the right call lol. When I set out to write him, I wanted to give him a respectful characterization without going down that "Cody is amazing, gets all the chicks, and lets readers project their fantasies onto him" route a lot of comp fics with Cody tend to take. Instead, I opted for a more pathetic but well-meaning characterization. One that makes mistakes, doesn't really enjoy the tougher parts of playing the game, and has his fair share of down in the dumps moments. But to balance it, he does walk away content with how he played and how he redeemed himself in his own eyes. No girlfriend, no money, but a lot of bittersweet satisfaction.

A/N: And so ends the "weird" episode of the season. From the moment I brought in cameos starting way back with Tyler, I knew this was the endgame game: bring together a not-so-elite squad of rejects to challenge the final five with Topher launching a coup campaign against Chris. It's definitely an out there idea, but I aimed to make an episode all about the action and comedy (plus a little development for Sugar/Lightning and a bittersweet send off for Cody) before jumping into the last two episodes.

But there's the final four. A weird, bizarre, almost memey group to be honest. Courtney and Jasmine have been big characters all season long with complex stories all about ups and downs. They're pretty solid endgame picks I doubt many people will be confused by. Sugar and Lightning have been more so comic relief but had this rivals-to-romance arc building in the background until it finally took shape here. It's... a ship that's sure to raise a few eyebrows because it's kinda cracked, and for that to be the one big new ship of the season it ridiculous in retrospect, but it's a ship some people called way back in the first episode so it's not like it came out of nowhere for the sake of having a new couple. I'm not someone who really cares about shipping or even writing romance, but Sugar and Lightning is just such a fun, wacky duo of characters with some striking similarities in terms of personality that I just saw a chance to make it work in a more comedic fashion, but in a way that gives them both some layers the show didn't touch on.

But yeah, two episodes left. Episode 12 is still being written but should be done in time for the usual publishing date. Episode 13? Well, we'll see how that turns out since it's gonna be massive. If all goes to plan, the story should be completed by the end of October.

Until then, take care! :D