Disclaimer: I do not own Hero Academia/Boku No Hero Academia, or any other property in this work that I did not make myself.
Mineta tries flirting with...
Chapter nine: Having Faith
The audience that had been summoned to Talepinner69's theater room had just finished watching the eighth episode of a realm where Mineta is shown flirting with a different girl from his year of UA's hero course per episode. Things were not looking all that good for Mineta, even though he was still holding out hope that he would eventually score with one of the girls that he's going to be shown with over the course of the show.
"Man, the ending of that last episode was classic," Bakugo laughed in clear amusement.
"Kirishima angrily chased me over a misunderstanding, Bakugo," Mineta pointed out.
Letting out a few laughs, Bakugo said, "The only better thing would have been if Kirishima actually did pound your sorry ass."
Gently shaking his head, Kotaro said from where he and Tale stood in front of the big theater screen, "You know, Bakugo, you're probably one of the main sources for the trauma that Mineta needs some degree of therapy to get over."
Shrugging, Bakugo retorted, "Well Grape Head himself is the source of a hell of a lot more of said trauma, because with all due respect a lot of what he goes through can be attributed to a healthy mix of Grape Head bringing it upon himself and sheer karma."
"Actually, Kacchan's got a point," Izuku remarked.
"Shut up, Deku," Bakugo replied dryly.
"I'm agreeing with you," Izuku pointed out, his tone equally as dry.
Turning to look at Tale, Kotaro said, "Well now, which unlucky lady will be shown to be the next target that Mineta will be going after?"
"They aren't unlucky, they're lucky!" Mineta insisted.
Shrugging, Tale replied, "Well since the next episode is up and ready to be played, let's find out."
As the ninth episode started up, everyone in the audience turned to face front and center to look at the big theater screen. "Come on, give us a good one," Setsuna said as she rubbed her hands in eager anticipation as the episode started kicking off.
...
(Mineta tries flirting with Ibara Shiozaki)
"He tries flirting with me this time?" Ibara in the audience said, looking surprised.
Leaning back in her seat, Setsuna remarked, "Hey, this could turn out to be a good one. I mean, Mineta's pervertedness clashing against Ibara's piousness. It really could end up making for a rather interesting show."
Mineta hummed in a tone of consideration as he held a hand to his chin. "...Hmm, Shiozaki could be an interesting girl for me to try to work my charms on."
One morning during breakfast, Mineta walked down into the kitchen area of the 1-A dorm building, saw Kaminari, Sero, and Kirishima all eating at the island counter. "Good morning to you, boys," Mineta greeted, "How are you all doing?"
"Piss off," Kirishima said in an annoyed tone.
"Yeah, he's still salty about you stealing his underwear," Sero explained to Mineta.
"Even though said underwear of his was found in Kinoko's wardrobe?" Setsuna in the audience said in a teasing tone, making Kinoko scrunch up and cry out of embarrassment.
Holding a hand over his chest, Mineta said, "Worry not, for in my continuing endeavors to score with the ladies, I shall be so good that I'll be saint-like. Because saints are commonly found in Christianity, and Ibara in 1-B is Christian, and I'm going after Ibara next."
"The religious girl?" Sero said, "You think she'd give you a chance?"
"Especially considering how you'll most likely want to have sex," Kirishima added, "And she's strongly against the idea of sex outside of marriage because of her faith?"
"I can see why they'd think that Ibara's faith could get in the way of the little troll's true aims," Kyoka in the audience remarked.
Nodding in agreement, Ibara said, "Yes. While I would be against the idea of having sex prior to marriage and after that I'd only be willing to do it with my husband, in the meantime I wouldn't be against the idea of dating a boy slash having a boyfriend."
Shrugging, Mineta replied, "Oh, I can be very charismatic. I just need to work my magic and one two three, I'll snag Shiozaki."
Turning to look at the other boys, Kaminari said, "...I feel that it'd be wrong to make a girl like Shiozaki go against something that she firmly believes in. She just gives off this pure kind of vibe, you know?"
"Even the nicest girl has a seed of darkness inside of her," Mineta explained, a sly look on his face, "I just need to find the right button to push is all." Mineta then turned around and left the dorm building, prepared to go 'work his magic' as he put it on Ibara.
Right as Mineta walked out of the dorm building, Sero muttered under his breath, "May God have mercy on your soul."
In the audience, some of the girls from UA snickered a bit in response to what Sero on the big theater screen said under his breath as Mineta left to go flirt with Ibara. "Okay, considering the fact that Mineta is aiming to go flirt with Ibara, that line from Sero was actually pretty funny in a fitting way," Mina remarked.
"I actually agree with that," Ibara commented, a small smile on her face, "I can appreciate the humor that's being shown here."
Snickering a bit, Sero said, "Dude, wouldn't it be funny if Mineta actually got divine retribution from above for trying to harass Ibara?"
"No, Sero," Mineta said, "That wouldn't not be funny at all."
"Heh heh, yes it would," Hagakure chuckled in amusement.
...
Mineta was making his way over to the 1-B dorm building when he stopped short in his tracks upon seeing a truck parked outside. To his curious wonder, Ibara herself, the girl that Mineta was looking for, was carrying something from the the back of the truck and into her class's dorm building. When Mineta made his way over to check things out, he was surprised to see his classmate Sato come out or the 1-B dorm building.
"Sato?" Mineta spoke up, getting the tall strong boy's attention, "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, that nice pastor guy who works at the church that Ibara goes to for service regularly had us take leftover sweets that didn't sell at the bake sale the church had yesterday," Sato said to his classmate. A bit of a disappointed look on Sato's face appeared as he added, "A lot of them were items I made for the bake sale at Ibara's request because the girls in our class told her all about my baking."
"People weren't interested in Sato's baked sweets?!" Mina in the audience exclaimed angrily, "Goddamn it!"
"Watch it!" Ibara scolded.
Gesturing to the theater screen, Kyoka said, "And from the looks of it, I'd say class 1-B will be getting to enjoy a good bit of Sato's baking. That being said, the me in this realm would be a bit jealous because his baking is tops." The other class 1-A girls all nodded in agreement, all of them admitting that they would also be jealous.
Folding his arms over his chest, Aizawa said, "Just make sure he has no baked goods he's made around for any future dorm room contests."
Mineta was about to speak up, but was cut off when he and Sato heard Ibara call out, "Hey Sato-san, isn't that your lustful classmate?" The two boys turned to see Ibara come walking out from her class's dorm building.
"Oh yeah, this is Mineta," Sato explained to Ibara while pointing at Mineta.
Looking up at Ibara, Mineta shot her a sly, flirtatious look. "You know, if you're in the mood, I can very-"
"Keep your impure thoughts to yourself, you sinful little spawn of hell," Ibara interrupted, her glare giving Mineta no room to argue back.
"Yahoo! Go Ibara!" Mina in the audience cheered, pumping her fists into the air.
Chuckling, Juzo remarked, "I could realistically see Ibara shooting Mineta down like that."
"I hope she plans to share that food she had brought back," Setsuna commented.
Sighing in a depressed tone, Mineta remarked, "You know, it'd be nice if you guys offered me at least some support."
As Ibara turned to continue unloading unsold food from the church bake sale, Mineta said, "Oh come on hot stuff, why won't-"
Mineta took pause when multiple lengths of thorny vines all stopped within an inch of his face, all of them pointing right at him. It was like Kyoka threatening him with her earphone jacks, only many times more of a threat. Ibara's head was turned only enough to see where Mineta stood at the moment. "...I'd rather that you not tarnish my soul," Ibara said, "Either because you got to do what you wanted with me, or because I was forced to violence to stop you."
Ibara then pulled her vines back and continued on her way. Meanwhile, Mineta was left just standing there, a shocked look on his face.
"Hey, maybe Ibara will make Mineta back off by putting the fear of God in him," Setsuna in the audience said.
Nodding in understanding to the theory, Itsuka remarked, "I can see that happening, yes."
Smirking a bit, Ibara said, "Well the lord does work in mysterious ways."
...
Later, Mineta was back at his class's dorm building, figuring out how to flirt with Ibara, when all of a sudden he and everyone looked up when the class 1-A girls came walking in as a group. "Sato! You've got some explaining to do!" Mina declared.
Sato, looking over from where he was in the kitchen, said, "I do?"
Pointing right at Sato, Hagakure said, "You bet you do! You brought back a bunch of your unsold baked goods from a sale, and you didn't bring any of them here!"
Looking a bit sheepish, Sato said, "Oh yeah, that. Well according to Shiozaki, she and her class will be selling everything that went unsold at the first bake sale in a second one to raise money to cover the cost of a window that Togaru, Shihai, and Monoma broke when they all got into a fight with Bakugo and the boys he and Mina hangs out with."
"That makes way too much sense," Aizawa in the audience remarked dryly.
"Well why wouldn't we try to show up those-" Monoma began, only to be cut off by a bop to the head from behind, courtesy of Sekijiro.
"Oh, that reminds me," Mina said, "I need to go see Kaminari for something." To everyone else, Mina said, "We need to go get all of those Sato Sweets, and yes that's the name I came up with for them, from class 1-B!"
"But they need to raise money to pay for that window," Sato pointed out.
"Then we can simply buy all of it," Yaoyorozu said, "Hell, I can probably buy all of it on my own."
"Were there any of those large, lemon poppyseed muffins you make among the sweets you and Shiozaki brought back kero?" Tsuyu asked, and after Sato nodded in the affirmative while holding up six fingers, Tsuyu continued, "Yeah we gotta hurry and get some of them, because Samidare loves lemon poppyseed muffins."
"D'aw, she wants to get some treats for her little brother," Emi in the audience said.
Chuckling a bit, Tsuyu replied, "Yeah, I could realistically see myself doing that."
Mina then collected Kaminari before taking off, counting on the other girls in class to get the goods. As for the other girls, they led the remainder of class 1-A over to the 1-B dorm building to look into buying up at least the baked sweets that Sato made, hoping that it wouldn't be too late to get some.
...
Over at the 1-B dorm building, class 1-A ran into some of the 1-B students setting up their own bake sale. "Well, well, well," Monoma began, "If it isn't-"
Monoma was cut off when Itsuka gave him a hard chop on the back of the head, knocking him out and letting Juzo and Yosetsu drag him away. "Sorry about that," Itsuka apologized, "Now, what can we help you with?"
"We heard you were selling unsold items from a bake sale," Yaoyorozu said, "Many of said items being made by our classmate Sato. He told us what you were doing, so we're here to be your first customers."
"I'm quite frankly amazed that they care so much," Sato confessed, looking a little bit on the embarrassed side.
"...Yeah, I can realistically see the girls and I do that for real," Yaoyorozu in the audience confessed, "I mean his baking is good."
"Just keep the kitchen out of the next dorm room contest," Hizashi remarked.
Looking confused, Mina said, "Was that really that big of-"
"It is if you ask me!" Hizashi interrupted.
As the 1-A girls tried to barter with the 1-B girls, Mineta went up to Ibara. "So what do you say?" Mineta asked, "Interested in some non-forbidden fruit, if you know what I mean?"
"I keep telling you, I will not have any relations with you!" Ibara snapped.
"Oh come on, you know you'll like it!" Mineta replied.
"Mineta you creep! Leave us girls alone!" Hagakure yelled.
"I don't think he will," Juzo in the audience said, "Mostly because we still have four more girls after Ibara to go."
"I'm sure I'll succeed somewhere," Mineta declared in a determined tone.
Turning to face the girls in his class, Mineta said, "I got a feeling that Ibara will love being my girl, and if I am wrong then may God give me a sign telling me-"
Mineta was cut off when a bolt of lightning fell from the skies above everyone, right onto Mineta and zapping him thoroughly. After a few seconds Mineta fell over passed out, then a booming voice call out, "Students of UA! This is the lord thy God! Do you hear me?"
Everyone was wide eyed with surprise, with Yosetsu even whispering to Juzo, "Holy shit, dude. God himself literally intervened to strike Mineta down with lightning to keep him from trying to do anything with Ibara."
"...Wow," Kyoka in the audience said in a surprised tone, "Having faith apparently pays off in spades here."
"God really did intervene to stop Mineta from bothering Ibara," Yosetsu remarked.
"Yes, lord!" Ibara called out, shocked to hear God speak to her and her schoolmates, "We hear you!"
"Good," replied the booming voice of God, "Now then. Rikido Sato!" When the buff boy of 1-A perked up at being called upon, the voice of God said, "You are the chosen one. Your baked goods help to spread good will. You do my work in this sense. Continue to do so with gusto."
Looking from side to side in mild confusion, Sato said, "...Okay."
"Ibara Shiozaki!" The pious girl looked up up when she heard the lord speak to her. "As you may know, I help those who help themselves. I have helped you by smiting the lustful sinner who had tried to corrupt you. Now you must help yourself, and I assume you know how."
"What will I be doing in God's name here?" Ibara in the audience asked.
Shrugging, Mina replied, "I don't know, but I bet it'll be funny."
Ibara turned to where Mineta laid unconscious on the ground face down, flipped him over with her hair vines, spread his legs apart a bit with her hair vines again, then proceeded to stomp him in the location where even God's light can't reach. Repeatedly. This also had the effect of waking Mineta back up as he cried out and gasped in pain.
"Very excellent, my child," the booming voice of God called out, "Now I must go." While everyone was on the ground, hidden on the roof of the 1-B dorm building were Mina, Setsuna, and Kaminari, with the girls manning a loudspeaker system and voice modifier machine they got from Hatsume. All of them were laying flat on their stomachs so as to not be seen, and while the girls were chuckling to themselves in amusement, Kaminari just looked confused.
"They impersonated God," Ibara in the audience said in a disappointed tone, "That is so wrong."
"And judging by Kaminari's expression," Izuku went on, "I don't think he's got all the details, so he may not be as accountable as some may try to hold him to be."
Shrugging, Mina replied, "Well hey, we're trying to get Mineta off of your back for you. I'm sure it's what God would want." Ibara looked like she was considering what Mina said, then she ended up nodding in agreement.
Smirking a bit, Setsuna remarked, "I can't wait to see how I screw with the pervert."
...
That evening during dinner, Sero and Kirishima were sitting at the island counter in the kitchen area, eating a light dinner as they watched Sato make some baked goods. While this was going on, Mineta came walking over. "Well, I got bad news and good news," Mineta said as he got the boys' attention, "The bad news is that Shiozaki is off the table now."
"Because God himself made it clear he didn't want you to harass one of his devout followers?" Sero guessed.
"The good news," Mineta went on without replying to Sero, "Is that there are still four fine sexy ladies in 1-B for me to try my luck with."
Rolling his eyes, Kirishima said dryly, "Dude, you're going to get even more hurt if you keep going after girls like this."
"Hasn't stopped me before," Mineta in the audience declared.
Rolling her eyes dryly, Kyoka quipped, "Well obviously."
"Two more serious injuries like with what all you've been dealing with ever since you started your quest for the ladies," Sero said in a warning tone, "And you'll tie with Izuku for number of trips to see Recovery Girl. Keep going at the current rate, and you'll break Izuku's record."
"I won't stop until I succeed with getting a girl," Mineta declared, "Even if it kills me!"
"It probably will," Kirishima replied, dryly and unamused.
FIN
"So not even trying to invoke the fear of God in Mineta is enough to make him back down from bothering us girls," Mina in the audience said in a disappointed tone, "What will be enough?"
"Nothing," Mineta replied, "Because like the me in this realm, I won't give up on the ladies. Not until I succeed."
"He really does need therapy," Aizawa commented, "For more than one reason."
Turning to face Tale, Kotaro said, "So which girl is next on the list for Mineta to harass?"
"I don't-"
"Yes you do," Tale said, cutting Mineta off mid sentence, then turned to Kotaro and remarked, "To answer your question, wait for the next episode."
END OF CHAPTER
Author's notes;
Yeah, I wanted to have a bit of fun in the Ibara chapter with her faith, so I wrote out this bit. Hopefully I was able to keep things respectful enough. Well anyway, here's hoping that the next chapter will knock it out of the park.
Later skaters.