I'd like to thank everyone who commented to my author's note. It was wonderful hearing what you've thought, and your comments have helped me plan out and improve the future of this story. It was very interesting to hear your thoughts and reasons for your choices. Special thanks to yashi14 for the suggestion which changed this chapter for the better.
I'd also like to say for all the readers who are not native English speakers, never feel that you need perfect English to give a review. I can't believe how many countries I have readers in, and I'd love to hear from all of you even if your English isn't wonderful. Or review in your own language. Google translate isn't perfect, but I usually can get most of it. New and different perspectives can only help writers.
So thank you all. I hope you enjoy the arc to follow, and as always, Naruto belongs to Kishimoto.
Hinata walked next to her uncle under the canopy of the summer forest. The autumn morning turned the once green leaves a brilliant palette of reds, oranges, and yellows that brightened in the rising sun. Perhaps that was what inspired the kimono she was wearing, an off-white fabric embroidered with fall leaves of every color dancing in the wind. When Hinata was younger, she didn't mind the formal attire she'd often wear as "heir to the clan," but after spending so much time in more functional clothing, the intricately decorated kimono felt stiff and restrictive.
The entire trip hadn't been terribly unpleasant, even with Hyobe a few yards ahead of them. Hinata hadn't participated in many of the diplomatic functions of the main family, first being too young and then too busy with her team, but Hyobe had insisted on her joining them. He finally cajoled the Hokage for enough time off to allow her the two week trip. So while her team got to have a vacation, Hinata was stuck with a regional lord and his overly handsy, seventeen-year-old son.
After one day, her shyness was honed into a strict aloofness, complete with a reproachful glare any time he touched her. Perhaps if he was as charming as he thought himself to be, small gestures of affection would have been acceptable or flattering, but for a child raised in nobility, he was less refined and more entitled. Hinata now appreciated the stark difference between those two traits.
They traveled on for a while more, hoping to make Konoha by mid-afternoon despite the growing heat still lingering from summer. She would have been pleased to have changed into more comfortable clothing, but Hyobe insisted she remain in formalwear until they were home; official delegations must be treated as such from beginning to end. Easy for him to say, he wasn't wearing two layers and an obi he couldn't tie by himself. They were within an hour of the village when Hyobe motioned for the two aids they'd brought with them to hurry ahead, leaving Hinata and Hizashi alone with the former clan head.
"I take it there's something on your mind, Father," Hizashi commented after several minutes of silent walking.
"Actually," Hyobe began, pausing so that the two of them could catch up, "I am interested in Hinata's thoughts on our trip. The Taketori family has been an ally with us for many generations. It is important to continue that relationship into the future."
Hinata glanced over to her uncle before answering. Questions like that from Hyobe usually ended up being traps for Hinata, but judging by Hizashi reluctant nod, she had little choice but to answer. "I believe the visit went well. Nori-sama seemed like a decent man and they were very hospitable."
"Nori will not be the one you will necessarily do business with. What did you think of his son?"
"While I am more than willing to be cordial, I did not enjoy his company," she answered honestly. "He treated those beneath him very poorly, and I doubt he's seen a day's hard work in his life." Plus, he tried to grab her butt at one point and she did not condone that, though Hyobe didn't need to know all the sordid details of such a "good" family.
"A pity," Hyobe remarked. "Their family would have been a good match for a political marriage."
Hinata was so startled by the word marriage coming from her grandfather she stumbled over the hem of her kimono. Hizashi snapped forward with shinobi speed to keep her from falling face first into the ground, but when she looked up the shock was just as clear in his eyes.
"Is that why you demanded Hinata join us?" Hizashi asked, doing better to keep the confusion from his voice than his face.
"I do not wish to see her sorely unhappy in her marriage, but we must consider the most advantageous pairings."
"I hardly think we need to be matchmaking so early. It would be far better to give her time to solidify her position as clan head before bringing in a marriage partner. Besides," Hizashi drew the word out to emphasize his annoyance, "I believe it was decided that an out of clan marriage would only be considered if a suitable partner couldn't be found in the clan."
"We must be prepared for that outcome, Hizashi," Hyobe reprimanded. "We cannot risk her passing on her condition, so Hinata has far fewer choices than in the past."
Hinata didn't know what was more disconcerting, them talking about her like she wasn't there or contemplating the idea of marrying someone. Neither were very useful thoughts. As silly as she knew it sounded, and for all the heartache it caused, Hinata's crush on Naruto was something she enjoyed. It was the fantasy, the love she couldn't have but could dream about while her life wasn't wholly dictated by the clan and duty. Like her time with her team, Hinata knew it wasn't an idea she could indulge forever, but it was nice to imagine while she could. Talk of political marriages and choosing suitors from the clan took all that away. The lingering feelings would be all that remained, and, if she were lucky, some kind of affection for her new husband would replace it as the years passed.
"This is a moot subject," Hizashi said, in the tone of voice he used with Neji or her that marked the end of a conversation. "Hinata won't be preparing to marry for years, so there is no reason to speculate what may or may not happen by then."
"On the contrary," Hyobe persisted, pulling out a similar tone to control the discourse, "Hinata has been allowed to ignore her responsibilities to the clan, and has shown no commitment to her future. I believe it is time that changed."
"You aren't seriously suggesting she marry now?" Hizashi demanded, louder than he would have dared on any other subject.
Now she understood why Hyobe sent the servants ahead. Hizashi wasn't supposed to yell at Hyobe as far as the clan was concerned. Hinata resisted the urge to slow down and distance herself from the others; Hyobe would have viewed such an act as a sign of weakness. Instead, she focused on placing one foot in front of the other, always careful to nudge the hem of her kimono higher so as to avoid stepping on it again.
"Only if she refuses other commitments," Hyobe replied. It was an answer that left her both relieved and worried.
"What other commitments?" she asked, drawing the gaze of the two men for the first time since they began discussing her future.
"Your teammates, they are both chuunin now, aren't they?" Hyobe asked and Hinata nodded. "And what of those you graduated with? How many of them are still genin?"
Dread began to pool in her stomach, oozing through her body until each step was harder to take. "One," she answered, then quickly corrected. "No, three." He did say graduated, and technically that included Sasuke and Naruto, even if they weren't here to take the chuunin exam.
Hyobe's brow rose at her obvious deception. "Rogues do not count."
She hadn't invested in her deception, but the chastisement still stung. Hyobe was leading her to some kind of admission, and usually what he wanted, she did not. She corrected herself again. "Two."
Hyobe continued, though whether he was satisfied she couldn't tell. "Do you believe they will be promoted in the next exam?"
Hinata bit the inside of her lip and took the chance to think. If Naruto was in the village, she had no doubt he'd have made chuunin already. He was as strong as Neji before he left and now he was being trained by one of the legendary Sannin. Chouji was the only one actually trying who was still genin, and even he had the stills needed to pass. He simply seemed to have an aversion to the mock fights the exam forced them into; she could see it in his expression. Being the only one not chuunin would probably be incentive enough to go all out next time.
Hinata sighed. "Most likely."
"Is there a point to these questions?" Hizashi demanded. His jaw was tight and his voice exasperated. They both knew what the next question would be and he seemed to be trying to protect her from it.
"I always have a point to my questions," Hyobe replied evenly, not a feather ruffled. "Hinata, do you intend to take the next chuunin exam—in earnest?"
There it was: the question she knew was coming and its answer was not what Hyobe would want to hear. She hadn't planned on taking the chuunin exam at all. Kiba had joined Lee and Chouji in the last chuunin exam, so Hinata didn't have to participate, and now that both he and Shino were chuunin, Hinata didn't plan on entering until she was ready to return to the clan.
Hinata took a breath to steady her voice before answering. "I hadn't intended to enter."
"And I'm certain Hizashi makes no plans to force you."
Hizashi's body was rigid, his back straight to ensure his height advantage over Hyobe remained obvious. "Hinata may take the chuunin exam when she feels she is sufficiently prepared to pass it."
"A convenient way to bypass the agreement we had when she was made genin." For a second, Hyobe's lips curled into a scowl, but it passed as quickly as it came. "The fact is she should be chuunin already. I accepted that she may not have succeed in the past attempts, but her class has now passed her, and those who haven't soon will. You cannot continue to pretend she is not capable. I know it; more importantly, the clan knows it. It is time she faced the exam seriously."
Hizashi stopped walking and Hinata followed suit, uncertain what else to do. Hizashi was her only defender against Hyobe and the clan council when it came to her team. If she didn't stand with him, she stood alone. Hyobe continued a few more steps before turning to face them, his expression a steady, calculated indifference.
"Even if she did and failed, you'd only blame her regardless of the truth and demand she return."
"If she were to fail, then it would either be by her intention or your failure to train her properly, in either case I would oversee her training from now on to ensure she's ready for the following exam."
Hinata did not want Hyobe to take over her training. It wasn't as bad for Neji, since he was already as skilled as Hyobe wanted him to be. Hinata couldn't imagine how much she'd loathe training at home if Hyobe were her instructor. But he was right; she had no doubt she would pass if she took the exam seriously.
Next to her, Hizashi crossed his arms over his chest, not so much to distance himself from Hyobe, but to control the urge to use physical force that Hinata could see shaking his hands. "Say what you want already. Do you intend to force Hinata to take the exam?" Hizashi demanded with an authority in his voice Hinata had never heard her uncle use on the former clan head before. Hinata wondered how often he was able to command Hyobe to do anything.
"No, as I said earlier, it's time she made a commitment to the clan. That is what I demand. She may choose what commitment that is."
Whatever either of them were expecting him to say, that wasn't it. Hinata looked up at her uncle for an explanation, but he offered nothing. His arms remained against his chest, but the confusion had relaxed him enough he no longer shook.
"What are my choices?" Hinata asked.
Hizashi placed a hand on her shoulder as if to pull her out of the conversation. She understood that until she was of age to take over the clan, they had most of the power over her life, but it was still hers. Hinata deserved a say in it.
"Take the chuunin exam and pass, at which time you'll come back to the clan; take it and fail, and I will be your instructor to prepare you for the next exam; or begin preparation to marry and I will forgo forcing you to take the chuunin exam until you come of age."
"That is ridiculous!" Hizashi screamed, losing any attempts at keeping calm in front of Hinata. "She won't be fifteen for another three months, and you expect her to see marriage as an option. I won't allow it, and I won't allow you to blackmail her into returning to the clan this way."
"Interesting. You thought blackmail was an acceptable way to make her a genin."
No one had known what Hizashi said to convince her grandfather to allow her to be a genin, but of everything, Hinata had never expected blackmail to come into play. What could he have known or done that Hyobe refused to allow? More importantly, could he use it again to stop her from making such a despicable choice? No matter how much she tried to take control of her life, its course always seemed to be driven by someone else.
"She's too young!" Hizashi seethed, his usual composure crumbling beneath the weight of the fury now blatant in his expression.
"I'm not asking her to marry tomorrow. If she chooses it, no actual wedding would be held for at least a year or two, depending on how long it takes for all involved to agree on a suitable match and make preparations."
All involved? Hinata's hands fisted at her sides. She was involved. She should be the only one who needed to agree to anyone or anything. As much as Hinata knew Hizashi was fighting on her behalf, neither of them were talking to her about her own life. Why was she invisible beside them when her voice should be the loudest?
"What if I refuse?" Hinata interrupted, drawing on all the strength she'd fought so hard to gain in the last few years. "What if I refuse to make a choice?"
Both men stared in silence at her, as if alarmed anyone else was there to witness their argument. Standing in a formal kimono with a gold and orange comb hanging that collected her hair on the side of her face, Hinata's eyes locked on her grandfather without trepidation and she appeared every inch the clan heir she was meant to be.
If there was any pride in Hyobe for the confidence she displayed, it was squashed by the fact it appeared in opposition to him. So close the surface as his emotions were at the moment, Hizashi's amazement was far less concealed and his rage dissipated briefly. In its place, a wisp of a smile softened his features.
"Hinata, you are not a child to be coddled any longer," Hyobe began, glancing over at Hizashi with an expression that said she never should have been in the first place. "Your bare forehead means you have commitments to this clan. Commitments it is time you took seriously. To refuse is to insult every member of this clan that bears the seal. Refuse and you tell them that their burden is meaningless, because you can go gallivanting about bare headed without condition or consequence."
Hinata swallowed, her fortitude cracking beneath Hyobe's words. Lacking the seal was the reason why the main family didn't join Konoha's military force, and her placement was still an open wound to many in the clan. If she were to die, byakugan would be exposed to whatever enemy that could claim her body. Of course she knew Shino, Kiba, and Kurenai would never allow that, should the worst happen, but what was the point of the branch being sealed if it did?
Hinata took the moment to study her grandfather. The shadow clan head. So long as the seal remained on Hizashi's forehead, Hyobe's word was still law in many ways. The slight tenderness that had appeared in his countenance after Shou's birth did not show. For all that the clan feared him, they also continued to look to him as a judge of what was needed in the clan head. No matter how many years Hizashi had thrived in the position, he would always be seen as temporary. If Hyobe voiced it, Hinata would quickly return to being the spoiled main house mouse running away from her responsibilities.
"It's not a choice, though," she said, clinging to her last string of defiance. "If that were the real reason, how could marrying help? What would that prove?"
Hyobe sighed, as he tended to when he thought she should know the answer to the questions she asked. "The clan head's spouse is more than a companion. The reason they are chosen from the branch family is so that they act as a connection between the houses. Your husband will take on powers and privileges no one else in the branch family will have, and in return he will be your voice when you are not there. This is why we take so much care in choosing your partner. The fact remains, if you want to continue this life outside the clan, someone must be there to stand for you with respect and authority."
"I stand for her," Hizashi stated firmly.
"You stand over her. There is a difference."
"Hinata," Hizashi called, his voice loud and tight with returning control. "Go ahead to the village. I need to talk to your grandfather alone."
"But, Uncle—"
"Go, Hinata."
Hinata felt her hands shaking at her sides as she was evicted from the conversation. She tried to argue, but Hizashi sent a hard glare that silenced her. There was no place left for her between them, even if the discussion was her. Hinata turned and ran for Konoha, not bothering with the dirt kicking up to stain the white hem of her kimono. Her jaw trembled as tears fell down her face.
It wasn't that she was sad or pitiable as she would have been years ago. She wasn't sure what she felt, but it closed her throat and swelled so fiercely inside her that her body couldn't contain it. She sped to Konoha as fast as her feet would carry her, straight through the gates and on until she reached an unassuming door at the end of a hall. She pounded on the thick wood, the adrenaline from the hasty journey rushing her even though there was no where left to go.
"Coming, coming," a voice called over the sound of her fists. Behind the door stood a man with black hair and beard, pleasantly disheveled despite the time of day, and dressed in only a pair of drawstring sweatpants. His eyes widened as he took in her weeping, ragged appearance. "Kurenai, you better get in here."
Asuma moved back to let Hinata into the small apartment. From a back hall, Kurenai emerged in mid stretch. Her hair was no less messy than Asuma's, and she wore a pair of black shorts barely visible under an oversized t-shirt that fell off one shoulder. Another day Hinata would have been embarrassed to see her instructor in such a state, especially with Asuma nearby, but the moment Kurenai appeared, the emotion that had been slowly boiling away during her mad dash finally bubbled over.
"Kurenai-sensei," she gasped, the words almost lost beneath a choking sob she couldn't contain any longer. Hinata didn't know why she was crying; it wasn't what she wanted to do, but she couldn't stop it.
At the sudden, explosive outburst, Kurenai quickly came to attention. "Hinata, what's wrong?"
When Kurenai reached out to her, Hinata knocked her hands away and started pacing the room in search of some understanding. She didn't want to be comforted or coddled, yet she couldn't stop crying. After a few struggling breaths, Hinata finally managed to spill out a blubbering sentence. "Why does he do this to me?"
Neither instructor moved toward her and the only noise was the sound of her unwonted crying and the slow smoldering of Asuma's cigarette burning away between his partially open lips. Kurenai moved to intercept Hinata, grabbing her by the shoulders and not letting go.
"Hinata, take deep breaths, calm down, and look at me." Kurenai's grip tightened until Hinata's body was steady enough to comply. "Right now, I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"
Hinata blinked and forced the emotions that had burst out back under the lid. Tears continued to fall, but the worst of it had been subdued for now. Of course she trusted Kurenai; it was why she'd come to her in the first place. Slowly, Hinata nodded. She wasn't sure how well she could keep control if she tried talking again.
"That's my girl. Now, I want you to go to our usual training field and wait for me there. I'll be right behind you." Hinata tried to talk, but Kurenai silenced her with a gentle smile. "Please, trust me."
"Okay," Hinata said, barely more than a hiss.
Kurenai released her arms and Hinata obediently headed for the door. Behind her, Kurenai returned to Asuma. "You better get dressed. I need a favor."
The trip to the training field felt like a blur. The eruption at Kurenai's had exhausted her some, but the emotions beneath it continued to tumble about inside her. She wished she understood it, but this felt different from the other times Hyobe had upset her and Hinata didn't know how to express it in any way that made sense.
Only a few minutes passed before Kurenai caught up and she wasn't alone. Kurenai and Asuma both wore a traditional Konoha uniform, no doubt the quickest thing they could put on, though Asuma still had his usual sash at the waist. It was strange enough that she'd sent Hinata to the training field, but to bring Asuma when Hinata was so obviously upset . . . what was Kurenai planning?
Hinata looked between the two nervously. "Kurenai-sensei?"
Asuma lit a new cigarette while Kurenai approached Hinata. "I know this is a bit strange, but the boys would go easy on you."
Kurenai reached behind Hinata's head and removed the trigger seal to her chakra suppression carefully hidden at the base of her skull. The smell of singed hair and smoke filtered up through her clothes as the rest of the seals burned away. The emergency release wasn't needed often, but Hinata was certain she'd never get accustomed to the flood of chakra that rushed her system upon its use. Her fingers tingled as the growing chakra swelled to fill her body; she'd forgotten what it felt like to be unrestrained.
"Now, Hinata, defend yourself."
Kurenai's body shifted and swirled into nothingness and through the empty air came three kunai bathed in chakra. Without thinking, Hinata threw out her hands to divert the kunai's course. Even with its own chakra surrounding the blades, the chakra surged from Hinata's hands and sent them spinning away. She hadn't meant to expel that much chakra at once, but it had been months since she'd worked at full strength. She wasn't used to it. Asuma didn't give her a chance to adjust, either.
Hinata shoved chakra into her feet and jumped back to escape his reach, overshooting the fallen kunai she'd intended to grab by nearly a yard. Everything she was feeling was pushed back by pure necessity as Asuma continued to charge her, chakra blades in his clenched fists. Normally, Hinata was a close range fighter, but with byakugan active she could see how dangerous his blades were, and she still had no idea why he was attacking.
"Kurenai-sensei! What's going on?" she called out, knowing her instructor wasn't far away.
A series of quick strikes by Asuma herded her to the left side of the field and directly into Kurenai, who appeared behind her and sliced up her back. "What happened on the trip?" Kurenai asked.
"Why are you doing this?" Hinata managed to escape the worst of the kunai, but the bulk of her expensive obi split in two and fell to the ground. Grabbing the thin, decorative cord that have been on the outside of the obi, Hinata tied her kimono closed as she once again tried to get to one of the fallen kunai. The obi was restricting her movements anyway.
"Answer the question. What happened on the trip?"
Asuma closed in and threw one of his chakra blades before she could reach the kunai. She'd only seen wind type chakra used a few times, but was still amazed at how tightly Asuma managed to shape his chakra around the blade. If she got hit with that, it'd slice right through her and brute force wasn't going to stop it. Her body moved with instinct and muscle memory guiding her, thrusting out her chakra from her arm and chest and sweeping it to the side in a kaiten-like motion. The chakra blade connected with the current and moved with her chakra to be released behind her, forcing Kurenai to dodge out of the way.
Still, Kurenai repeated, "What happened on the trip?"
"Grandpa says I should be chuunin so I have to make a commitment to the clan," she answered while struggling to keep Asuma from getting too close. If he threw the second blade, then she'd have a chance to get in close and do some damage to his coils system.
Kurenai grabbed Asuma's blade and leapt across the training field to flank Hinata. "Is he forcing you to take the exam?"
"He gave me . . ." Hinata was thrown to the ground as Asuma landed a solid kick to her abdomen in her distraction with Kurenai. Hastily, Hinata right herself and located her opponents, still far too close for her to relax. Her muscles throbbed, but the damage was minimal. "He gave me a choice. Take the exam or . . . "
"Or what?" Kurenai rounded Hinata to return Asuma's chakra blade to him before disappearing again. Seeing as Kurenai knew exponentially more dangerous genjustu, it didn't seem she wanted to trap Hinata as much as distract her.
"Or I have to marry!" Hinata screamed and her chakra intensified with the truth. She didn't want to marry—she was too young—but she wasn't ready to return to the clan. She wasn't ready to give up her life yet.
The shock was apparent on their faces, but neither slowed their attack. Asuma, now fully armed again, struck out with both blades and Hinata countered with the Eight Trigrams Vacuum Palm before his blades got too close. She hadn't been quick enough to target a specific part of his coils system, but the burst of chakra blew him off his feet, surprising both of them. Hinata had learned the technique for the Vacuum Palm, but she's never succeeded in doing more than stalling a person before. Had it really been that long since she'd tested her chakra without the seals?
Taking advantage of Hinata's astonishment, Kurenai caught her in the back and sliced from the lower part of the shoulder blade up to just below the neck. "So, he expects you'll have to choose becoming chuunin."
Hinata fell into a low leg sweep before jumping away from both of them to try to assess the wound. It wasn't especially deep—again, Kurenai didn't seem to be trying to debilitate her as much as keep her moving—but Hinata would have to fight through the pain to maintain the range of motion in her right arm. She wasn't doing any better than surviving against the two of them as it was.
"That's not all that happened, is it?" Kurenai asked, readying the kunai in her hand.
The moment she heard the question, Hinata knew it was true. That wasn't all she was upset about. That wasn't even the worst part she was angry about. Yes, she was angry. Angry for so much that never seemed to change.
Hinata charged Kurenai, ignoring the sting of the kunai on her hands in favor of landing solid palm strikes on her instructor. "They didn't listen to me! I tried to talk to them. I tried to stand up for myself and they ignored me! What's the point of gaining confidence if no one will hear me anyway? They don't want me to stand up for myself; they want me to agree with them!"
Hinata watched hit after hit whittle away at Kurenai's inner coils. Soon her system would be too damaged to produce chakra for her genjutsu, giving Hinata the upper hand. Kurenai struggled to push Hinata back, finally landing a sharp kick against Hinata's shins and giving herself a chance to escape back.
"Now, Asuma."
Hinata focused on Asuma in time to see the last of his hand seals before take a deep breath. When he exhaled, a cloud of ash came with it, billowing out around her until the only way she saw them was by the glow of their coils systems. The ash burned her skin like embers smoldering in a fireplace.
Kurenai's voice broke though Hinata's frustrations. "What do you want to say to them?"
Hinata tried to shake away Kurenai's question. Every breath burned her throat and choked her lungs.
"Answer me, Hinata. What do you wish you would have said."
Her hands trembled at her sides, chakra tingling at her fingertips. She needed to get out of the cloud.
"Hinata!"
"It's not your life!" she screamed.
For once, the anger came to the surface. Every last bitter feeling that had been squashed down out of politeness and propriety and years of self-blame cascaded out. She heard the ash explode around her, but all she saw was the white burn of chakra. When the brightness faded and the smoke drifted into the wind, Hinata stood between Asuma and Kurenai.
"It's my life," she said after a quiet moment. "When do I get to decide what's best for me?"
Kurenai held up her hand and Asuma nodded, pulling out his pack to replace the cigarette lost in the fight. Hinata struggled to catch her breath with the ash lingering in her lungs, while the adrenaline still coursing through her kept her body alert. Her heart and mind were a different story. She was emotionally drained. Ever since she was child, Hinata had been conditioned to accept what it meant to be heir without question, to follow Hizashi and Hyobe's orders and act as a proper Hyuuga should. Except, she hated being heir, and admitting that was exhausting.
That was probably why heirs didn't become genin. It was so hard to acquiesce to Hyobe's demands when she saw how normal people lived and experienced the freedom, as small as it was, of not being main family. He'd laid down a path for her that was she not only unable to follow but the further she strayed the less she wanted to return.
"I want to live my own life. Make my own decisions. Choose what I need and not what they want," Hinata said, finally giving voice to the thoughts she buried away to keep everyone happy. "But I'm never going to get to. They'll never listen to me."
Kurenai closed the gap between them and wrapped Hinata in a large, warm hug. Kurenai's comfort wasn't the same as Naomi's or Neji's. Hers wasn't the consoling embrace meant to cover a silence she couldn't fill, because things could not be changed. Kurenai talked to Hinata and always tried to find a way to change the problem, even if in the end it couldn't be fixed.
Releasing her, Kurenai was about to say something when Asuma placed a hand on her shoulder. "Mind if I give it a try?"
Hinata watched her instructor's surprise fade into an accepting nod. Why would Asuma want to talk to her, though? She knew they were together, but surely Kurenai didn't tell him everything that went on in the team, not enough to know clan business.
"Do you know what family I'm from?" he asked.
That stalled Hinata. The smoke trailing up from the cigarette made his eyes hazy and hard to read his intentions, so Hinata thought about his question. She didn't really know, not beyond his name: Sarutobi Asuma. Sarutobi would be the family name, and that was more familiar than she'd realized before. But . . . was that possible?
"Sandaime-sama?" she asked.
Asuma nodded. "So, you can believe me when I say I know a thing or two about living with family expectations and not agreeing with them. And I can tell you how to free yourself from that to find your own life, but it comes at a serious cost."
Hinata searched Asuma's face for the old man who used to come by the Academy and inspire the students. A hokage who made them feel like they were part of something so much more. Pieces were there. Shadows of the past hidden beneath the present person.
"What's the cost?"
"Everything you have now—the bad and the good—because to live your life as you want it, without anyone telling you what to do, you have to give them up and go make your own way. If you're willing to pay that, it can be a good life. It'll be yours, and maybe one day you'll come back, but it won't be the same. Living your life on your terms costs as much as settling for theirs. You have to decide what you're willing to give up and what you'll never let go of."
Kurenai leaned closer to Asuma, who glanced over in acknowledgement. It wasn't anything overt, but Hinata had seen such subtle motions between Naomi and Hizashi. A gentle support and reminder that the other person was not alone. Asuma truly did speak from experience, and the wisdom in his counsel was born from regrets and convictions long past.
"Was it worth it?" Hinata asked.
What surprise Kurenai showed at Hinata's question, Asuma did not share. He took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled a stream of smoke while he considered his answer. "For me, it was. The problems between my father and I weren't ones that could be fixed together. I was stubborn and needed to learn things on my own. But I'm not you. Only you can decide what matters most, what you're willing to fight for, and what battles you've already fought long enough."
Hinata nodded her understanding. It was strange to be considering such an option, but Hyobe's demands felt so final. He was determined to get her back to the clan or make sure she paid for her freedom. But to leave the clan? She'd have to leave Konoha to get away from them, and that didn't ensure that Hyobe or Hizashi wouldn't come after her; she was unsealed. Was it worth it to leave everything behind? Her home? Her family? And if she left the clan, what would happen to the main family without an heir? Neji was sealed, so would Hyobe force the same life she'd had onto Shou, the only unsealed descendant of the main family? Could Hinata live with herself if she subjected her little brother to a seal-less cage?
"I'm not ready," she said, knowing that, more than anything, was the truth of her situation. She wasn't ready to make these decisions. Wasn't ready to leave her team or family. Wasn't ready for the weight of the clan.
Asuma chuckled, a soft, deep sound that felt more sullen than happy. "Life doesn't always give us choices when we're ready to face them. You can only make the best decision you can at the time. If you make it for you, and not anyone else, you might not regret it."
"And," Kurenai said, her crimson eyes once more the gentle taskmaster Hinata had come to rely on, "if you need help working through your decision, I'll be here to listen."
"Thank you." Then, turning to Asuma as well. "Both of you."
The last of the adrenaline ebbed away and Hinata's body was practically limp. Her right arm was throbbing and going stiff with pain from the cut up her shoulder blade. How long had it been since she'd fought that hard when her life wasn't on the line? All she wanted to do was get to her room and collapse onto her futon for the rest of the day. She'd leave considering her options for after she'd gotten a good night's sleep and her emotions weren't so close to the surface. Unfortunately, she couldn't exactly go home in a tattered and bloody kimono, especially without Hyobe or Hizashi.
"Kurenai-sensei, may I borrow some clothes. I'd like to go home for now."
The older woman smiled, a cheerful expression that seemed to brighten the gloom around them all. "Of course, but before we go, one question. Do you know why I had you tell me while you were fighting us?"
Hinata shook her head. To be honest, she'd forgotten to wonder once she started to get angry. It took too much energy to do much else after that.
"When you showed up, I could tell it wasn't like the other times you came to me. You didn't come to be comforted; you came because you didn't know how to react to your own feelings."
Hinata couldn't believe how much her instructor had seen in those few moments. Had she been that transparent? "I thought Hyuugas were the ones with insight."
"When it comes to my kids, I know you all." Kurenai winked. "For once you weren't blaming yourself for what was happening. You put the blame where it belonged, but didn't know how to be mad at them."
"I should fight every time I'm angry?"
Kurenai laughed. "No, we'll work on teaching you to properly express anger when it happens. This time I had a feeling you were going to need some prodding. Not only that, I wanted to see what you were capable of when you weren't placing the world's worth of blame on yourself. You know what I saw?"
Hinata shook her head, and Kurenai motioned for her to look down. The ground beneath her feet no longer matched the surrounding area. A perfectly concave depression had formed, and Hinata was at the center of it. Her eyes widened.
"You finally performed kaiten," she said.
"Good thing, too, or we'd be taking you to the hospital." Asuma flashed a sneaky smirk to Kurenai. "And I would not be the one explaining to the Hyuugas how she got barbequed."
Kurenai harrumphed playfully. "I never doubted it," she paused and faced Hinata again. "When you get out of your own way, you do amazing things."
She performed kaiten.
She performed kaiten! Maybe it was time Hinata got out of her own way. All she had to decide now was where would she go once she did.