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I thank my friend lexkixass for use of her twins. As always, Naruto belongs to Kishimoto.

Death is different when you're older. As a child, when her parents died, Hinata understood death as loss and loneliness at that moment. She grieved in the present and searched for comfort from Neji and Naomi who helped her through the pain. As a young woman, Asuma's death felt worse. It wasn't how Kurenai or Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji were feeling, but Hinata understood more now. It wasn't merely the loss of the person being grieved, it was the loss of the future that person had. Asuma would never get to be father to his child. He would never grow old with Kurenai or see the people that his team would grow into. The person's death was sad; the loss of the life he could have had was an emptiness that could not be filled

Even the walk down the hall to Kurenai's apartment felt longer and darker than before knowing that it was Kurenai alone who would be there, still grieving him and the life she should have lived with him. A soft "Come in," was the only answer to Hinata's knock.

The apartment was neater than Hinata knew Kurenai to be, and somehow the cleanliness made it feel less like a home. Kurenai sat on the couch, official looking papers on the coffee table in front of her and a cigarette rolling between her fingertips. Her eyes weren't as raw as before, but the smile she gave Hinata was half-hearted at best.

"Back from your mission already?"

"Unfortunately." Hinata set a small bag on the table and sat down next to Kurenai. "I brought you the tea I used to make for Aunt Naomi while she was pregnant. She lived on it to keep away the morning sickness."

Kurenai smiled, but the expression didn't reach her eyes. "None of that yet, thankfully, but tell me what happened on your mission. I could use the distraction."

"We weren't the only ones looking for Sasuke it seems, or maybe he just didn't want us finding him, but either way, a masked shinobi with strange techniques delayed us long enough we missed Sasuke. We were so close, too. Naruto-kun . . . I don't think I've ever seen him that disappointed."

And frustrated and angry and a million other emotions that didn't need to be discussed in company. Sometimes Hinata wished byakugan wasn't so good at insight.

"How was he?"

"He's still determined to find him, but there's no trail to follow at the moment."

Kurenai eyed Hinata with the first real amusement since Asuma died. "That's not what I meant. You told him how you felt. How was he working with you?"

"It was . . . strange," Hinata said with a sigh. "He was the same as ever on a mission, and distracted by the thought of finding Sasuke, but it wasn't the same."

"Did he say anything about it?"

Hinata shook her head. "He wanted to say something, I could see it, but he never did. Maybe he just didn't want to bring it up on a mission, I don't know. I wish we could just go back to being friends like before."

"Give it time. Things will get better. . . . Listen to me giving you the same platitudes everyone's giving me." Kurenai's smile faded and she looked down at the cigarette still cradled between her fingers. "When I told Asuma I was pregnant he was determined to quit smoking by the time the baby was born, so he'd cut down. I've been burning the few cigarettes left, just to have his smell around the house. Now I'm down to the last one and I can't decide what to do with it. Time is taking a little more of him away each day."

Hinata rested her hand on Kurenai's leg, not knowing what else to do to comfort her teacher. Seeing the pain on Kurenai's face did nothing to tell Hinata how to ease it. "I could go buy you a new pack if you want."

"No, it wouldn't be Asuma's." Taking a deep breath, Kurenai set the cigarette down on the papers atop the table. "I'll be okay. In time." She smirked, a simple expression that made her look a fraction more like the woman Hinata knew so well.

"Do you need anything? I can run some errands for you or get food."

"I'm rather covered right now. Konohamaru and his team came by yesterday and cleaned the place up a little too well, I'd say. His mother, Asuma's sister, came too with some inheritance paperwork. She wanted to make sure the baby gets something from the Sarutobi family. Then, of course, Shikamaru's been checking in on me. I think I might have a permanent babysitter in that one."

"I think you have one in any of us, so long as we're in the village. Kiba's probably already planning on picking out a puppy for you once its born. And you can always bring it by the compound if you need help in a pinch. It's one of the few perks of being main family; you're more than welcome to take advantage of it."

"Thanks. I may take you up on that one day." Kurenai shifted on the couch so that she properly faced Hinata. "There is one thing I've been wanting to talk to you about."

There was a seriousness to Kurenai's face that made Hinata stop any attempt at cheering up and merely listen. "Of course, anything."

"I'm not going to try and change your mind about the wedding; I know just how much thought and care you put into your decision. But, I do want you to consider what I'm going to say."

"We don't have to talk about the wedding now," Hinata said. After losing Asuma, it couldn't be an easy topic for Kurenai, and it definitely wasn't an easy topic for Hinata.

Kurenai held up a hand to quiet her. "I've had a lot of time to think about Asuma, our life together, and I've thought about the kinds of lives you all are going to experience, and it's difficult not to wish you had a better option. I loved Asuma, and even though he's gone and that hurts more than I could even imagine, I wouldn't give up a moment with him to spare myself that pain. The passion we had—not lust, but that trill of excitement when he walked in the room, the way his voice made me want to be near, the feel of his skin that made me refuse to let go—that everyday passion of love is something I wish you could have."

Hinata lowered her gaze to the couch, darkened with small burns here and there from Asuma's cigarettes. "I understand, but—"

"But you have to choose to make it happen." Kurenai finished for her. "Love like that doesn't just fall from the sky. Perhaps you could have had that with Naruto, and if you ever have the chance I hope you take it, consequences be damned. But if that never happens, or you choose to go through with things as they are planned, then you need to fight for that passion. You have to want it and try and build it with Eiji. If you resist trying, you'll have no one to blame but yourself. Both of you have to be invested in the relationship, and for all your acceptance to marry, you've yet to invest in creating a life with him. Until you do, you don't have a chance at being happy."

"What if . . ." Hinata started, forcing herself to look up at her mentor. "What if I'm not ready to make a life with him . . . or anyone? What if I don't know how?"

Kurenai pulled her in for a calm, reassuring hug that somehow felt different from Naomi's. There were no expectations with Kurenai, or at least not the same kind of expectations as the clan had. "If you're not ready, that's okay, too, and I suspect Eiji probably knows that. If he doesn't you need to tell him. But one day—maybe years from now, but one day—you will be ready to make a life with him. No one really knows how it happens, just let yourself be open to it when the time comes and the two of you will figure it out together."

Hinata smiled. Kurenai always seemed to know what to say to help her, even if Kurenai was the one in turmoil at the moment. "You shouldn't have to worry about me right now."

"Are you kidding? It feels really good to worry about someone else right now."

"You're going to make a really great mom."

Kurenai squeezed Hinata into her embrace a little tighter, and Hinata could feel a dampness growing over her shoulder. She didn't try to pull away.

"I can stay for a while, if you want," Hinata said.

When Kurenai answered, her voice was no more than a high-pitched whisper. "I'd like that."

It was late in the evening when Hinata finally left Kurenai's apartment but the sun had yet to set, a mark of the season. She hated seeing Kurenai hurting so much, but her mentor was a strong woman; she'd recover from her grief eventually. Kurenai's words still hung heavy over Hinata as she made her way home, though.

Kurenai wasn't wrong. Hinata had never imagined living beyond the wedding. The wedding was difficult enough to cope with, imagining further to what it would mean to have a husband . . . that was more than Hinata was able to deal with. She wasn't even seventeen yet; she didn't want to be a wife.

At the gate to the compound Hinata took a breath and reminded herself of all the reasons she chose this path. Kiba, Shino, the trust of the clan, her own autonomy to make choices for herself, they were all important to her and this way meant she didn't lose any of them. The right choice wasn't always the easiest choice, though. It was time to face her decision. Perhaps not head on, but she'd face it.

Instead of following her usual routine and heading for the main house, Hinata turned down the beaten path that led to the branch side of the compound. She smiled at those she passed, pleased when they smiled or waved back, and mortified by the snickers and whispers that accompanied her presence. Eager eyes watched her direction, and the disappointment when she turned away from Eiji's home was almost comical—to a Hyuuga at least. She'd deal with Eiji, eventually. First, she needed reinforcements.

She made her way to a modest house similar to most of the others in the area. Pleased to see the lights on inside, Hinata knocked.

"Hinata-sama!" The warm, energetic smile on the familiar face that greeted her was worth the trip. The young man called back into the house. "Otouto, Hinata-sama's here. You better stop slopping around and get dressed."

"I am dressed!" a matching voice yelled from inside, though she could hear footsteps running across the wood floors.

Osamu grinned and moved back for Hinata to pass into the entryway. "It's been too long. We haven't seen you since we moved in here."

"It's not as easy without you at the gate every day."

"Yeah, but if we were still at the gate, we'd probably still be living with our parents, too. Ibiki has a way of kicking you into gear."

Osamu led her to a kitchen/dining area common in most of the smaller clan houses and went about preparing three cups of tea. Isamu finally arrived, dressed in a wrinkled shirt and pants combo that looked like it had been dug out of the hamper. A low tie at his neck kept his hair controlled enough to be presentable. As he passed to an empty chair, Isamu ruffled the top of Hinata's hair and grinned.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what brings you by tonight?" Osamu asked, setting the tea on the table to steep.

"Can't Hinata-sama want to just see us?" Isamu said.

"With that face? Nope."

"Of course not with that face, but obviously she's reluctant to talk about it so you shouldn't be so rude."

Hinata stared at the two arguing in front of her. It wasn't that she expected them not to see the conflict going on in her head, not with their gift at insight, but they were usually more subtle about exactly how much they saw and more deft in drawing it out. She figured there'd be some friendly banter before they started prying.

Isamu obviously caught her confusion and sighed. "Aniki, we're doing it again."

"Damn, we are." Osamu took the seat next to his brother and scratched the back of his neck in a nervous tick not accustomed to the jovial young man. "Sorry, Hinata-sama. Ibiki encourages us to use our insight to be . . . unnerving. It keeps the person we're interrogating off balance."

"Unfortunately, we've noticed it slipping into our daily lives. Not the best way to keep friends. Let's try this again." Isamu took a breath and grinned. "How are you, Hinata-sama?"

Hinata laughed, a good, honest laugh that the twins always seemed to know how to elicit. Their ability to be unnerving aside, they both seemed happier since going back to work for the village.

"As well as can be, but since you both know this is more than just a social call, why don't I get to the point. I'd hate to see what you do when you don't get the information you want right away."

They both offered sly grins that spoke volumes. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what was hidden in those crafty expressions.

"I was visiting with Kurenai-sensei and she made me see that while I've agreed to the wedding, I haven't really committed to it. I'm just letting everything happen, but not investing in what my life is going to be afterward. And I'm sure you two have already figured out I'm not ready to do that."

They nodded, but this time were kind enough to let her explain it all for herself.

"I don't want to be a wife yet. I'm not ready to start anything romantic with Eiji. I don't know how if I did want it. To try and force intimacy because I'm supposed to; the idea makes me sick to my stomach. I probably need to start something, though. Friendship, maybe, but every time I think about spending time with him, I just know what people will expect and I chicken out."

"But if you come out with us . . . " Isamu started.

"And Eiji tags along . . ." Osamu finished.

Hinata nodded. "It might be easier to get to know him. Without expectations." She glanced at Isamu. "But only if you're comfortable with it. I don't want to impose."

Neither of them had spoken of what happened that day in the nursery or the meaning behind the kiss he gave her. They didn't need to; they were Hyuuga. Hinata tried her best not to bring up too much about the wedding with him. Isamu was self-aware enough to have dealt with his feelings—better than Hinata did, probably—but that didn't mean she had to pour salt on the wound.

If he had any lingering affection for her left unresolved, he didn't show it. A devious smirk teased its way onto his face, turning his expression a shade darker than his brother's. "And miss the chance to act like Neji? Nothing keeps a night from being romantic like an over-protective big brother glowering the entire evening."

Osamu raised a skeptical brow. "Do you even know how to glower, Otouto?"

"I'm sure I can learn."