"Callie did we really split up"

Callie had her own tears falling now as they held each other close, foreheads touching.

"Yes" Callie choked out, she felt the blonde quiver, Arizona sobbed into Callie's shoulder, the brunette not letting her go holding her in a warm embrace like she could feel Arizona's heart breaking through her shirt. Callie was kissing and lightly nibbling at Arizona's ear attempting to sooth her but she became inconsolable.

Arizona's body felt weak, she was grateful for Callie taking most of her weight. She didn't know what to think or feel, they had split up, that's why she must have her own apartment. She wasn't too sure what she had heard on the phone to Meredith this morning but she just needed to know, and when Karev had slipped up about her still owning an apartment it was almost set in her mind. Does Callie not love me anymore? She questioned herself, finding it harder and harder to understand her situation. She needed her memory back, but now she wasn't sure if she wanted them.

Callie had pulled back and was holding Arizona by her shoulders, the blonde had worked herself up so much she was hyperventilating. "Arizona breathe", but she couldn't hear a thing, she was in her own world, a world where she and Callie weren't together and it was breaking her.

"Arizona, look at me" Callie said moving her hands from Arizona's shoulders to cup her face, "look at me" she said again in a whisper, Arizona looked up, her eyes full of tears, red and puffy. "you're okay. We are okay, we will talk about this but not now, right now you just need to calm down" Callie hated seeing Arizona like this, the blondes chest was heaving through broken sobs. This is the worst she had ever seen Arizona, and she had seen some pretty bad sights.

"Callie" Arizona whimpered through shallow breaths

"Shh it's okay just slow down" Callie breathed with her for a while, her sobs lessened to an occasional sniffle. Her heart was aching, her whole body felt completely numb and she was exhausted. Arizona laid back on the corner unit of the couch while Callie got her a glass of water and her pain medication. Arizona took them, her body still shaking, Callie sat on the seat next to her pulling the blanket that was laying over the back cushions and placing it over Arizona and put an arm around her shoulders letting her lay on Callies lap. Callie had shed a few single tears herself, she wanted this to work out and never wanted to see Arizona so broken again. Seeing her so upset made her think about all the nights Arizona would have spent alone over the last year. She was scared of her life without Callie. She'd said it so many times while they were married and Callie couldn't bare to think how many nights alone Arizona had spent crying over missing her. It wasn't long before Arizona was lightly snoring away on Callies lap, she's exhausted herself from crying and probably given herself a headache too.

———————-

"You are allowed to lose a little bit of control"

The room was flashing, the lights went out, it was raining, but Arizona could see so clearly, Callie was standing before her. They were both mad.

"I thought we were passed the hard stuff"'

Why is Callie yelling, my head hurts, everything hurts.

"How could you do this"

Phrases were spinning around in her head but she was struggling to place them in order.

"Apparently I lost you"

Lost me, I'm right here

"Who's doctor Boswell"

Who? Who is doctor boswell

"The woman Arizona slept with last night"

Everything went blank. Slept with. I slept with someone else. I did that to my wife. I'm the reason that we split up, it's all my fault.

———————-

Callie could feel Arizona sleep was restless, she was turning from side to side in her sleep, occasionally letting out a panicked groan, she didn't want to wake her but she was obviously suffering in front of her. Callie placed a hand on Arizona's forehead, her temperature was roaring and she was breaking a sweat, she was having another nightmare Callie realised. "Arizona" callie called out to see if she could spike a reaction.

Nothing.

"Arizona wake up" callie lightly shook her shoulders this time giving her a careful jolt.

Still nothing.

"ARIZONA" Callie raised her voice and the blonde's eyes shot open. Callie pulled her into an embrace immediately "shhh it's alright" she quickly soothed, Arizona didn't panic like usual, she just let out a small sob while her body shook momentarily remembering her whereabouts.

"Callie I- I remember" she stuttered, pulling back from the embrace.

"What do you remember?" Callie questioned.

"It was my fault" Arizona sobbed weakly

"What is?"

"Why we split up, lauren- I-I slept with Lauren" She was crying more now hardly believing the words she was saying, why would she cheat on Callie

"You did" Callie hated hearing this from Arizona, she already knew but hearing it again stung like a knife. Although she was partially grateful, Arizona was being to remember, she continued speaking "but we grew apart, it wasn't just that, we became different people" Callie finding it difficult not to join Arizona's sobs

"I love you Callie" two tears fell at the same time and Callie brushed them away gently.

"And I love you too, Arizona. So much. Even now, after it all, I still love you, we have been separated for almost a year and I've been miserable without you. It was me who let us split, my idea, not because you cheated, but because we were both unhappy but we were even more unhappy apart" Callie was speaking the truth, she was sure now, she wanted Arizona back and she was not going to lose her again. They could work out anything. They had to.

"Calliope, I love you so much" Arizona started, "and I'm sorry for all I've done, if I ever made you unhappy, I can't imagine my life without you, not because I can't remember what it was like, it just seems impossible, but now I remember what happened. And I'm starting to remember more and more I'm scared" she cried again

"Why are you scared, if I love you and you love me, what is there to be scared of"

"I'm scared that what if I don't love you when my memories come back"

"Arizona-"

"No, what if I can't love you like I love you now"

"Arizon-"

"No callie" Arizona cut her off again. "Because what if I was so broken that I can't love, what if all I did was hurt you, I don't want to hurt you again Callie, I can't hurt you again, and I can't help to think that if I made you so unhappy, so sad that we split up Callie, would it not have been better just not to save me, if the car had hit me a little harder, a little faster, I wouldn't hurt you anymore" she couldn't speak any more, her words had filled the air with unbearable sadness.

"Arizona, listen to me. If you died that night I would never have been happy again. Sofia would have one miserable parent left, I was unhappy with you but it wasn't because of you, and we had so many happy times, we split up, it was a mistake, my mistake but I need you to let me show you that you still love me the way I love you, with or without your memories, let me love you Arizona"

"I don't know how too Callie, I feel awful"

"You should know, you suffered before. You paid for what you did, and although you hurt me, I forgave you because you are my wife. You're still my wife, and we can work through anything"

"But I -"

Callie cut Arizona off with a kiss, their lips brushed against each other so softly, Arizona's tears still falling but tasting Callie she'd almost forgotten what they were talking about. Callie wanted more, they both did, was now the complete wrong time, or is this where they could start to rewrite their story. Callie pulled away before speaking "Come to bed Arizona, let me love you".

Prepare for smut in the next chapter, I've never written anything like it before so if it's bad please bare with me.

Also 10 chapters in! how are we feeling about the story, do you think they'll work out?