Still haven't recovered from yesterday for multiple reasons. I wanted more...I have some hope for next year? But we shall see. I posted a oneshot (that could turn into more) called "Lost Stars". It was my *wish* for the wedding but it was far far off the mark lol. But that's what fanfiction is for!
Anyway - here is the next chapter. This was originally supposed to be chapter 13 but I bumped it to add more fluff in the last chapter. This one has rollercoasters but resolution by the end. So don't hate me. I like to weave some original story lines from SVU that actually happened when I can. Just with an E/O twist.
Remember that unlike our writers of SVU/OC...I will always bring us HAPPY E/O at the end of the day one way or another!
A week before Thanksgiving, Olivia came home to find Elliot in the nursery putting together the new crib from her baby shower. Smiling, she stepped up behind him and touched his head as he knelt down on the ground. "Hey."
Elliot glanced up and smiled, he tightened a screw and then stood up to greet her, "Hi." He kissed her and looked down at her belly, "How's my little man today?"
"He's good." She looked back over at the crib, "Why'd you decide to start putting this together?"
"I figured with Thanksgiving coming and then how hectic December can be...I wanted to make sure things were ready. He'll obviously sleep in our room for a while but it's just easier to do it now. That okay?"
She smiled and kissed him again, "Of course. Thanks for thinking of it."
He saw her settle down onto the rocking chair in the corner and he smiled, as he started to clean up, "You feeling okay?"
"I'm fine El. Just tired." Rolling her neck back and forth, "And this little guy really likes to kick my kidneys most these days."
Elliot walked over to her and knelt down on the ground, he settled between her legs and pressed his lips just above her navel, "Hey dude...take it easy on your Mom."
She sighed when he lifted one of her legs and started to massage her calves, "I swear he gets bigger by the hour. Or maybe that's just me."
Elliot rolled up her pant leg and pressed a kiss to her ankle, "Oh please, you look incredible Olivia."
"You have to say that." She said with a chuckle, "Otherwise you'll be sleeping on the couch until our little guy decides to show his face."
Elliot smirked and put her leg down, he hovered over her and smiled, "You're still a knockout Liv. In fact...our other four children are very invested in their movie downstairs. I'd love to prove to you just how sexy I still find you." He wiggled his eyebrows, "Care to join me in our bedroom?"
Just as she went to respond his phone rang from the floor, "That'd be you…"
Elliot groaned and moved away from her to grab it, "Stabler." He was quiet as he listened and then sighed, "Yeah...no it's fine. I'll meet you there."
She watched him as he slid the phone in his pocket and started to clean up his tools, "Catch a case?"
"Yeah…" He stood up and walked back over to her, "I gotta meet John at Mercy. I'm sorry."
Reaching out, she squeezed his hand, "You know I get it."
Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her lips, "We'll have to take a raincheck on the whole me proving I still want you thing. But don't think it's not true."
She chuckled and let him pull her up off the rocking chair, "I'll have to take your word for it."
"My Mom made dinner. Just needs to be heated up. Do you need anything?" He asked as they walked towards the bedroom door.
She stopped him and wrapped an arm around his neck, "Yeah. You to be safe."
Elliot's face softened and he leaned in to kiss her, "I'm always safe babe." He winked and pulled away, "Love you."
Leaning against the doorframe she smiled, "Love you too."
The next day, Olivia was sitting at her desk and she was restless. As much as she wanted to be out chasing perps with her squad, she knew it was for the best. Not to mention moving around was much harder these days. She was sitting on the edge of her desk, staring at the board in front of her trying to link victims together. The guys were out chasing down their suspect.
Sighing, she pressed her hand into her belly when she felt a swift kick, "I know little man...there's gotta be something here. I just don't know what yet…"
"Talking to your unborn kid?" Cragen asked her, "Training him for his future as a cop?"
Olivia looked over at him and smiled, "Maybe."
"How are you feeling?" He leaned against Munch's desk, "You still okay to be here?"
Olivia glanced at him, "Sometimes I think you're more protective than Elliot." She paused and looked down at her belly, "We're fine. I'll let you know if I need to leave sooner but...for now I'm good."
Olivia stared harder at the board in front of her. Cragen's phone rang and he went to answer it. Olivia stood up and walked towards the board, she was moving things around, trying to make sense of it all when she felt someone standing behind her again. Turning, she saw her boss back from his phone call, but the look on her face sent a jolt of fear to her heart. "Cap?"
Cragen took a deep breath, "Olivia...why don't you sit down for a second."
Her hand instantly went to her belly and she frowned, "What's wrong?" Her blood went ice cold, Cragen looked anxious and suddenly she knew, "Oh God...Elliot-"
"Let me take you to Mercy." He reached for her arm and they started to walk, "He wasn't shot."
She felt him grab her coat but she made no move to put it in, "What...what happened?"
"Elliot had the perp cuffed and was putting him in the squad car. But he wiggled free and head butted him. Elliot fell back and hit the car, shattering the glass." He frowned, "He's unconscious…"
"But...but he's okay?" She asked, reaching for his hand, he didn't respond and her body started to shake, "Cap, tell me he's okay."
"I don't know. We'll find out when we get to the hospital. Okay? I'll be with you the whole time." He assured her.
Olivia followed him into the elevator, her mind was reeling thinking of all the possibilities. And then a thought occurred to her, "The kids…"
"Fin is calling Bernie. She'll go get them. Take some deep breaths for me, okay? The last thing we need is for you and baby Stabler to be joining Elliot in a hospital bed beside him."
Olivia tried to smile but nodded in agreement and leaned against the wall. Just yesterday she had told him to be safe and he said he always was. As a cop, she knew better than anyone that these things happened. They were the moments they all dreaded. She'd been with Elliot when he was hurt before and he had been there for her when she was. But everything was different now. So much different. That's what made it that much harder.
She felt like things were moving in slow motion as Cragen escorted her into the hospital. The hustle and bustle of the Emergency room was something she was used to, but it was never easy when it was someone she knew and loved. If Cragen wasn't beside her, holding up her arm she was pretty sure she would have fallen to the ground. When she saw Fin and Munch, the first thing she noticed was the blood on both of their shirts. Her knees buckled and Fin quickly ran to her side to help Cragen lead her to a chair in the corner.
"What happened?" She blurted out, her eyes were stuck on the blood on Fin's shirt.
Fin sighed, "Everything happened so fast. He was talking a mile a minute and we were trying to get him in the backseat. Next thing I knew he was moving and Elliot was falling…" He saw her eyes well up with tears and he sighed, "Liv, I'm so sorry."
She wiped at her tears and looked at Munch, "Where is he?"
"They are running some tests." Munch said softly, "He hit his head pretty hard…"
"That's a lot of blood…" She whispered looking at both of their shirts, "Can I go see him?"
"Not yet." Munch said, shaking his head, "But we told the nurses to come get us right away because you would be coming."
Olivia's heart was pounding and she reached for her belly. All three of the men shared anxious looks, "Liv, are you feeling okay?"
She swallowed hard and rubbed her belly, "Yes. I'm...I'm just…" Her eyes shut tight and she whispered, "He has to be okay."
"He will be." Cragen said to her, "You know he's strong." Her body was trembling, "Liv...we're right here. And we're going to be right here, okay?"
Sniffling, she tried to nod her head but she heard her phone ring and she reached for her. She sighed when she saw Bernie's name, looking at Fin she asked, "What did you tell her?"
"Just that...there was an accident. She said she would tell the kids you guys had to work late." Fin answered.
Olivia pushed herself up off the chair with the help of Fin, she wanted some space. Flipping open the phone she tried to compose herself, "Hi Bernie."
"Olivia? What happened? Is he okay?" She could hear the panic in her Mother-in-Law's voice.
She wondered what it would be like to be a Mother hearing about your child getting hurt. Bernie had lived this with her husband and now her son. She assumed it never got any easier. "I haven't seen him yet...they are running tests. It sounds like he has a brain injury...I just don't know how severe yet."
"A brain injury? Oh God...Oh Olivia." Her voice was trembling, "What if-"
"Bernie…" She knew her voice was harsher than she meant it too, but she couldn't go to the what if places yet, "We can't...we can't jump…"
There was a silence on the other end before Bernie spoke again, "Are you okay?"
"I'm…" Her voice cracked and she had to hold the phone away from her ear for a moment so she didn't cry, "I'm just trying to stay strong…are the kids okay?"
"I didn't tell them anything about the accident. I wanted to wait for more information from you. They just think you are at work. Although Maurene is worried about you overworking yourself." She paused and then continued, "I'm worried too...Olivia the stress-"
"I know…" Olivia bit down hard on her lip, "But...I'm here with Cragen, Fin and Munch. They'll take care of me. It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. It has to be."
"Please call me as soon as you get some more information. This never gets easier…" Bernie said.
"I know. I'll call right away. But Elliot is strong. Hug the kids for me please…" She whispered, they spoke for a few more seconds and then hung up.
As she turned, a Doctor approached, "Family of Elliot Stabler?"
The guys stood and walked up beside Olivia, surrounding her with support, "Yes. That's us. I'm his wife."
The Doctor smiled and held out his hand, "Hello. I'm Doctor Jacobson. I've been attending to Elliot."
Olivia shook his hand and tried to smile, "Olivia Stabler. Is...is he okay?"
Looking down at his clipboard he frowned, "His injury...was pretty extensive. The force in which he hit his head was a lot. I expect that he'll be unconscious for a while...we had to deal with some internal bleeding but it's stopped. We will keep an eye on it."
Olivia licked her lips, "I'm assuming he has a concussion?" Dr. Jacobson nodded, "How bad? Could there be memory issues or-"
"Unfortunately we won't know until he wakes up.." He whispered, "But Mrs. Stabler...when a patient has an injury like this there are many complications that could arise. When his head fell backwards so fast, his brain was jostled around quite a bit. This is what we call a traumatic brain injury. Until he opens his eyes and I can talk to him, I won't know for sure what is happening."
Olivia's hand shot out and all three of the men behind her reached for her, "Breathe Olivia…"
She wasn't sure which of them had said it but she slowly took a breath and nodded, "And...there is no way to know when he will wake up?"
"No." He glanced down at her belly and smield, "Mrs. Stabler...how far along are you?"
"I'm due...in about 7 weeks or so." Her hand anxiously rubbed her belly.
He nodded, "Your husband is being moved to a room on this floor. We will have to wait for him to wake up. Why don't we get you settled in there? I'll see if I can get a more comfortable chair set up for you. I want to ensure that you are okay too."
Her breath hitched in her throat, "He's...he's going to wake up, right?"
Reaching out to her, he squeezed her arm, "He's strong. When he's ready...he'll wake up."
"Can one of us go with her?" Cragen asked, "I don't want her to be alone."
"Well...it is supposed to be just family." He looked at the three men behind her.
Olivia shook her head, she couldn't stand the thought of being beside him alone just waiting, "They are family. To both of us."
Smiling, Dr. Jacobson nodded, "Okay. Let's get you down to his room."
All four of them walked together, and once again she was so thankful for their presence. The nurses outside of Elliot's room stopped them and would only permit two people in. Cragen stepped up and walked into the room with Olivia. They both froze in the doorway when they saw Elliot. He was hooked up to many monitors, the beeping was overwhelming. His face was pale and it looked like he had been sucker punched in both eyes. The black and blue marks were shocking in comparison to his skin. Cragen pressed a hand into her lower back to urge her forward. Olivia walked up to the left side of his bed, her eyes scanned over the monitors and she focussed on the steady beep of his heartbeat letting her know he was still alive. As scared as she was, that was what she needed to focus on most.
Lifting Elliot's hand, she was careful to not disturb the tubes hooked up to him. She threaded her fingers through his and kissed the back of his hand, "Hey El...Cragen and I are here. I need you to wake up...okay?"
When there was no response from him, she sighed. Knowing it was a long shot, she still held out hope that the sound of her voice would stir something in him. Cragen stepped aside as an attendant brought in a comfortable chair and set it up beside Elliot's bed. "Here Mrs. Stabler. Why don't you sit?"
Sitting down, she sighed and realized how tired she actually was, "Thank you."
"If there is anything we can get you...please let us know." He said, "If you press the button by your husband's bed, we'll come right away."
Olivia followed his gaze and nodded, "Thank you."
When it was just the three of them again, Cragen pulled a chair up beside Olivia and took her free hand. When he squeezed her hand he heard the sob erupt from her throat, "Hey...Olivia it's going to be okay."
"It never gets easier…" She whispered to him, but her eyes never left Elliot's sleeping form, "You would think it would…"
"But it doesn't." He answered, "Not when you love someone."
She tried to lean back in her chair to get comfortable, "If you need to get back to the Precinct-"
"I'm not leaving Olivia." He assured her, "I'm right where I should be."
She squeezed his hand in hers, "Thank you…"
A comfortable silence fell over them as they both focussed on the beating of the machine's and the steady rise and fall of Elliot's chest.
An hour later, Cragen had stepped out of the room to check in with Fin and Munch. Olivia was beginning to feel sleepy. She had just leaned her head back against the chair thinking she would try and sleep when she felt a tug on her hand. Instantly, her eyes popped open and she leaned forward, bracing her free hand on her belly, "El?"
A groan escaped his lips and he mumbled incoherently for a moment, "What happened?"
"Hey…" She sniffled and stood up, leaning over him, "Welcome back...you scared me."
As her voice hung in the air between them, his face looked frightened and it made her heart sink. Something was wrong. "Liv?"
Her heart started pounding harder, he knew who she was but what if… "I'm right here El."
Elliot took a quick breath, and she could tell he was trying to remain calm, "Liv? Where are you?"
"What do you mean where am I?" Her eyes scanned over him, "I'm standing right beside you...I'm right here." She squeezed his hand, "I'm right here El."
Elliot's hand was shaking as he spoke, "I can't see you. I can't see anything...it's all a blur."
The door opened and Cragen walked in, "Elliot, you're awake. Welcome back to the land of the living." Olivia looked over at her boss, and the look on her face told him that something was wrong, "Olivia?"
Elliot tried to move on the bed, "Olivia...what the hell is going on?"
She turned to him and said, "Hang on El...everything...everything is okay-"
"I can't see you!" He screamed in frustration and fear, "This isn't okay!"
Cragen stepped around Olivia and pressed the button for help, "Elliot, take a deep breath and lay down. You shouldn't be getting up yet."
Elliot was frantic now and trying to pull on anything, "Liv…"
"El, please." She reached for his arm and tried to push him back on the bed, "You need to lay down."
The door opened and Dr. Jacobson entered, "Hello Elliot." He saw the scene unfolding in front of him, "Elliot...let's take some deep breaths. I need you to calm down."
Elliot looked more frustrated and confused, "He's your Doctor, okay? Can you calm down so he can try and help?" Elliot's hand was shaking as he tried to sit down, "Please, please El. Can you do that? For me?"
Elliot reached for her again, "The baby…"
"The baby and I are fine…" Her voice shook as she spoke, "But I need you...we need you to listen to your Doctors. Okay?"
Elliot took a deep breath and let Cragen and Olivia settle him back on the bed, "Okay…okay…"
"I'm going to ask you both to step out of the room while I run some tests." Dr. Jacobson said.
Elliot instantly tightened his hold on Olivia's hand, "No."
"I'll be right outside, okay? I'm not leaving." She whispered, lifting his hand to her lips she kissed the back of his knuckles, "I'll be right here, you're not alone."
After a moment, Elliot loosened his grip on Olivia's hand reluctantly and she leaned down to kiss his cheek. Cragen escorted her out of the room again and Munch and Fin were right by there side in a second. Olivia looked pale, "He...he can't see."
"What?" Fin asked, he looked over at his boss who just nodded, "What do you mean he can't see?"
"He can't see me...he can't see anything." Her hand lifted to her lips and she started to cry, "What if...what if he-"
"Let's...just wait for the Doctor to come and talk to us." Cragen started to rub her back, "Can we get you anything? Do you need-"
She shook her head and turned back towards the room to watch him through the small window, "No. I don't want anything...I just want-"
Her voice broke away as she leaned against the wall. She could see the Doctors poking and prodding at Elliot who looked even more frightened than before. Of all the things she considered, this wasn't one of the possibilities. What if this was permanent? Glancing down at her belly, their son kicked hard at her hand and the tears came. What if Elliot never saw his son?
When Dr. Jacobson finally came out to talk to them, Olivia immediately went to his side, "What's wrong with him?"
Dr. Jacobson sighed, "The pressure from the initial impact has led to the loss of his eyesight."
"Is it permanent?" Cragen asked, "I mean is it something that can be fixed?"
"Right now...there is still a great deal of swelling and healing that needs to be done. I can't tell you if it will be permanent or not. But...it is a possibility." He saw Olivia cringe and he frowned, "I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's my job to be honest about the seriousness of his condition. I don't want to give you false hope."
"But...it's not definite? Right? I mean it could...just go away? If and when the swelling goes down...he could be totally fine?" She was practically pleading and she knew it, but she didn't care, "I mean...he has to be okay." She looked down at her belly, "He has to see our child...he has to-"
"Yes. There is a possibility that he could be just fine." He said, "But right now he is very agitated...we've tried to sedate him a bit. I don't want him moving around much...he needs to keep his head stabilized as much as possible. He's asking for you."
Olivia nodded "What...what can we do?"
"Right now...we keep him comfortable and calm. Unfortunately, the rest is going to be a bit of a waiting game. I'll have someone come talk to you...about what kinds of things you will need when you go home. To help him...get around." He said.
Olivia nodded, she turned to her boss and coworkers again, "I-"
"Go...we'll be out here. Come get us if you need anything." Cragen gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
Walking into the room, she was relieved to see that Elliot was in a calmer state than before. She knew it was due to the medication he had been given but still, it gave her some comfort, even just a little. But as she watched him, all she could think of was how scared he must be. She was terrified but she wasn't the one who had woken up unable to see anything. As she walked to the side of the bed, she settled back in the chair beside him and reached for his hand, "Hey…"
He didn't move his head to look at her, but he squeezed her hand in his, "Hey…"
Her fingers stroked the back of his hand to soothe him, "El…"
He shook his head and immediately grimaced, "Please just...don't say something like it's going to be okay."
"I wasn't…" Sighing she looked away from his face and focussed on his hand in hers, "Are you in pain?"
"I feel like someone's hitting my head with a sledgehammer repeatedly." His eyes closed tight, "Liv...what if I-"
"Don't." She squeezed his hand, "Don't…"
He dropped her hand and started to reach out towards her, and she knew what he was trying to do. She settled his hand on top of the swell of her belly, "This child...I need to see this child."
"You will." Tears leaked from her eyes and she was grateful that he couldn't see them, she wanted to be strong for him.
Elliot felt his son kick and he pressed his hand back, "Are you…"
"I'm fine." She assured him, "We're fine...I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere."
"The kids?" He asked curiously, "Do they know?"
"They are with your Mom. They don't know anything...I need to call your Mom and give her an update. She just knows there was an accident." She whispered.
"And now you have to tell her that her son is blind." He said with a huff.
"You're not…" His hand fell away from her belly and fell into his lap, "El…" The tears spilled from her eyes and she reached for him but he flinched, "You're not...it's not permanent. They think...i mean it could-"
"Or it could not." He said, still staring off towards the opposite wall, she knew he couldn't see her but she knew he also had to know she was right beside him. "This could be forever, Liv. So you might as well just-"
"Just what?" She didn't mean to sound angry, but she knew she had, "Just what? Leave?" He hung his head and her heart ached, "Do you honestly think I would do that?"
Elliot was silent for a moment and then whispered, "No."
"I said for better or worse." She leaned into him so she knew he would hear her, "This may be worse...but I'm here El. I'm here and so are you. I know you're hurting and I know you're upset. But right now I need you to not go there...okay? It won't help."
"Liv…" He growled, and turned towards her.
"If you can't do it for you...can you do it for me? And for the kids? Please?" She lifted his hand again, "Please?"
The rawness in her voice stirred something within him. He was scared, and that was coming across as angry. But to be beside her now, unable to see her, and to feel unable to fix this, he had to do something to help. So he squeezed her hand, "Okay."
He heard her sigh and rest his hand against her belly again, "Okay…"
As they sat together, they both tried their best to remain hopeful and positive, but it was hard. Neither of them could imagine what was going to happen next, but they had to hold out hope that this wouldn't be permanent.
Two days later, Elliot had been released from the hospital. It had been decided that Bernie would come stay with them though Elliot had fought it. He only agreed to make sure that Olivia didn't do anything strenuous. He was currently sitting on the bed, trying desperately to make sense of his surroundings. But all he could see was a blur of colors. It was better than yesterday, but still he couldn't make heads or tails of anything. He was startled when the door burst open with a bang and he felt something hit him hard.
He stumbled back on the bed, "What-"
"Morning Daddy!" Richie yelled as he sat over his Father, he still didn't quite understand what was happening.
Elliot's heart was pounding and he awkwardly reached for his son, and pushed him off of him, "Richie?"
Richie frowned and nodded, still not getting that his Father couldn't see that, "Of course it's me! Who else would it be?"
Elliot stared in the general direction of his son and saw an outline of the boy. But nothing distinguishable showed amongst his features. He couldn't see the familiar eyes, the slope of his nose, the little quirk of his smile, his missing teeth. Would he watch him grow? See the boy turn into the man? Would he see any of his children change? Would he know what his newest son looked like?
Elliot opened his mouth to respond when Olivia walked into the room with a huff, "Richie, honey, I told you to let your Dad rest."
Richie looked over at his Mom and frowned, "But I want to play! Now that he's home, can't we play? It's not too cold out."
Olivia looked over at her husband who was staring past his son and her heart ached. They loved playing soccer together. But that sure wasn't a possibility, at least not today. "Richie-"
"No Richie. I can't play with you." Elliot awkwardly stood up and stumbled backwards, "I can't see you."
Olivia cringed and walked towards them, "Elliot-"
"I'm fine." He moved again but slammed his hip into the dresser beside him, "Fuck."
Richie gasped and Olivia quickly walked over to him, "Richie, go downstairs. Grandma is making breakfast."
Richie pointed at his Dad with a worried expression on his face, "But Daddy-"
"Richie...just go." Elliot said with a frustrated huff, "Go."
Richie's lip trembled and Olivia took his hand, "Come here baby…" She walked him out the door and heard Elliot fumbling behind them. She tried to stoop down to his level but the growing bump made it uncomfortable for her but she wanted to make sure he was okay, "Honey...I know that-"
"Daddy's mad at me. And he said a bad word." Richie said, clinging to her hand, "Why is he mad at me?"
"He's not mad at you." She smoothed back his hair and whispered, "But do you remember how we talked about how Daddy had an accident?"
"He hit his head." Richie said, "He said...he said he can't see me. What does that mean?"
"Well...you know how your eyes help you see? Well Daddy's eyes...they got a bit hurt. And so it's hard for him to see very clearly. But he's going to get some rest and I'm sure that he will be better soon. Okay?"
Richie looked up at her and sighed, "So he can't play with me?"
"Not today. But I'm sure...really soon he will." Richie still looked upset and she sighed, leaning forward she pressed a kiss to his head, "I know this is really confusing and probably a little scary. But he didn't mean to yell at you. He's just...having a tough day. Why don't you go help Grandma and your sisters? I'll come down soon…"
Richie nodded slowly, hugged her around her bump and then walked towards the stairs. As she watched him go, she couldn't help but notice the slump in his shoulders. Taking a deep breath, she tried to stand up straighter. A ripple of pain seared through her back and she leaned back, pressing her hand into her spine. Taking a few deep breaths, she walked back into the bedroom and found Elliot fumbling in the top drawer of his dresser.
"El…" He didn't respond and started to slam things around more, "Elliot, what are you looking for? Let me-"
"I don't even know." He slammed the drawer shut and reached out for the wall, "I don't know."
"Okay…" She stepped towards him and put a hand on his arm, "Look, I know you're upset but you scared Richie."
"Well he scared me!" He yelled pointing away from her, "I didn't see him coming in and he slammed the door open! Why did he even come in here?"
"Elliot...he wanted to see you. The kids were so worried when you were in the hospital. He just wanted-"
"He wanted me to play with him. He wants me to go outside and kick a soccer ball with him like we always do. But I can't see him let alone see a freaking ball Olivia. So tell me, how do I do that?" He growled.
Tears stung in her eyes and she tried to stay calm. She knew he wasn't meaning to take his anger out on her. "Just because you can't play soccer with him right now doesn't mean-"
"That I won't ever be able to play with him again?" He said with a sneer, "You don't know that Olivia. So don't say it."
"I'm just...I'm trying-" He stepped away from her again and quickly fell, she reached for him, "Elliot!"
"Just go Olivia." He said falling down onto the ground, he felt her touch his arm again, "Go!"
Olivia jumped upon hearing the harshness in his voice and she stumbled backwards. She felt the baby kick hard and she wondered if he could sense the tension in the room. Seeing him on the floor, she wanted to sit beside him but she knew he wouldn't let her. Turning, she tried to push her feet forward but she felt them dragging. She heard him fumbling around behind her again and it took all her strength to not turn around and help him. When she got to the door, she stepped over the threshold and closed the door. She heard something slam against the wall and she knew he had thrown something.
Leaning against the wall, she pressed a hand to her lips and had to squeeze her eyes tight to try and compose herself. When she felt a hand on her arm, she jumped. Looking up, she saw Bernie standing there. Olivia shook her head and pointed to the door, indicating she didn't want Elliot to hear them. Together, they walked towards the baby's room.
Bernie spoke first, "Richie looked pretty upset…"
"Elliot yelled at him...I don't think he meant to but he did. Richie doesn't understand what's happening." She laughed sadly and shook her head, "To be honest...I don't either."
"We have to believe that this isn't permanent. We have to pray and have hope that it will get better. I mean before we left...he said there was a little more light. That's a good sign, isn't it?"
Olivia walked over to the crib in the room, the very crib he had been putting together the day before the accident, "Yes…"
"Sweetie…" Bernie put a hand to her back, "He's strong…"
"Yes. He is." She agreed, "But he's also stubborn and right now he's angry. He's pushing me away. Closing himself off. He's going to hurt himself more…" Turning towards her Mother-In-Law she let the tears fall freely, "He fell in there...what if he falls again? He could get seriously hurt...make things worse."
"I know." She squeezed her arm, "But we have to let him cope the way that makes sense to him. I know that you're scared...but there is one thing I know for sure."
Olivia licked her lips and frowned, "What?"
"My son loves you more than anything. No matter what happens...he's not going to push you away forever. Just give him some space...he'll come to you when he's ready." Olivia didn't respond and Bernie leaned in closer to her, "You need to try and relax...the last thing we need is for you to go into labor early."
Olivia shook her head as she reached for belly and imagined giving birth without Elliot,"I can't do this without him."
"You won't." She wrapped her arms around her daughter-in-law, "I know you won't."
Olivia leaned into the older woman and let the tears continue to fall, finally letting herself fall apart. She had been trying so hard to be strong but even Superwoman needed help sometimes.
That night, Olivia was upstairs putting the kids to bed while Bernie cleaned up downstairs. Olivia was so tired she had told Bernie she was going to try and go to bed after she got the kids to sleep. The only problem was, she wasn't sure if she would be welcome in their bedroom. Lizzie and Kathleen were sharing a room now but Richie was curled up beside his twin sister, not wanting to be alone tonight. Olivia was sitting beside them when she heard a knock on the door. Elliot had refused to come out of his room the entire day, and part of her hoped it was him. But she wasn't surprised to see Maureen walking into the room.
"You too?" Olivia said, giving her a sad smile, she held her hand out and said, "Come here."
Maureen walked over to her, gave her a hug and then crawled into bed with her sister, "Dad still hasn't come out."
"I know." She was braiding Lizzie's hair for her, "He's just tired."
"He's not tired. He's mad." Richie said from behind Lizzie, "He's really mad."
Olivia sighed as she put an elastic at the base of Lizzie's braid, "He's not mad...he's upset. Sometimes when people get hurt...or something bad happens it comes across as they are angry. But he's not. Not angry with you...he's just-"
"Scared?" Kathleen asked from her spot on the bed, "Is he scared?"
Olivia felt a lump forming in her throat and she sighed, "He...probably is a bit scared. Yes."
"Daddy never gets scared of anything though." Lizzie said with a frown.
Olivia smiled and squeezed her arm, "Everyone gets scared Lizzie. Even your Daddy."
"Even you?" Richie asked in a soft voice, "Are you scared?"
Olivia contemplated her words carefully. She wanted so desperately to be strong for them, to help them not worry. But she also knew that all four of them were old enough at this point to see through her lies. Ontop of that, she had to be honest and show them that it was okay to feel worried. Okay to be scared. "Honestly? Yes. I am scared."
"Scared that he won't be able to see ever again?" Kathleen asked.
Olivia took a deep breath and looked at all four of them one at a time, "I'm scared of a lot of things...but I have to believe that your Daddy is going to be okay."
"Should we pray for him?" Lizzie asked, reaching for her Mother's hand.
Olivia leaned in and kissed her head gently, "I think that would really help sweetie."
"We're all going to help out more." Maureen said looking at her siblings, "Right guys?"
"Yes." Kathleen said with a nod, "Because Dad would want us to help you."
"And because you need to be careful since you're pregnant." Maureen said, giving her a stern look, one that reminded Olivia so much of Elliot, "You need to take care of yourself too Mom."
Olivia smiled, "I appreciate it. I'm going to take it easy when I can…"
"What can we do to help?" Richie asked, "I can be the man of the house!"
Olivia laughed and ruffled his hair, "Well...it would be helpful if you guys give your Dad a little space. At least until he's feeling a bit better. And maybe...we can all work really hard to keep the floors clean?"
"So that Dad doesn't trip on anything?" Richie asked.
Olivia nodded, "Yes. That would be really helpful. Think you can do that? Make sure you put your toys away, clean up your backpack from school?"
Richie nodded, "We can do that."
"Thank you." She squeezed his arm and then pulled away, "I think...we should all get some sleep and I think tomorrow will be a better day. Okay?" They all nodded, "Okay. Are you all sleeping in here?" They all smiled at her and her heart jumped thinking about how much she loved them. She began to pull the blankets up around them and kissed them all one by one, "Goodnight. I love you."
"We love you too Mom." Maureen said from Kathleen's bed.
Olivia smiled and flipped off the light before walking down towards her bedroom. Before pushing the door open, she rubbed each side of her belly and took some deep breaths. She didn't want to frighten him, or anger him. But she was also exhausted. She had slept at the hospital, not wanting to leave him and her body ached. Turning the knob, she walked into the dark room and tried to adjust her eyes. She wondered if this was how Elliot was feeling…
Making her way towards the bathroom as quietly as she could, she was glad she had left her pajamas in there. She quickly changed and brushed her teeth before walking back into the bedroom. She saw the outline of his body on the bed, he was on his side facing away from her. Her feet ached as she walked towards the bed. She knew he would feel her climb into the bed, there was no way he wouldn't. Pulling back the covers, she sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her feet up. She couldn't help but whimper when she felt the pressure release from her body.
She felt him shift on the bed beside her, she held her breath and waited for him to say something. Instead, he just rolled onto his back like her. They lay there for a moment, neither of them acknowledging the other's presence. She felt the tears burning her eyes but she bit down on her lip, not wanting to make any noise. She felt like it would only upset him more. She heard him shift again, and for the briefest of moments she thought he was going to say something to her. But then, she heard him sigh and turn back on his side away from her once more. Closing her eyes, she felt their son kick hard and she pushed back needing something to ground her. Rolling over onto her side so they were back to back, she wondered how long this was going to last.
The next day was the kids last day before Thanksgiving break. Olivia woke up early after a restless night of sleep and she found Elliot in the same position he had fallen asleep in. After getting the kids ready for school, Bernie decided to drive them and then was going to run errands. Olivia was sitting on the couch folding laundry when there was a knock on her door. Pushing herself up off the couch, she massaged her lower back as she walked to the door. When she opened it, Alex was standing on the other side of it.
"Alex…" She said with a sigh, "What are you doing here?"
Alex smiled and held up a folder, "I wanted to see how things were going...but I also wanted to see if I could talk to Elliot. Go over some details for our court case."
Olivia stepped aside, "He's...not quite up for visitors at the moment."
Alex walked into the house and looked around, "It looks great in here. I only saw it when it wasn't furnished yet."
Olivia shut the door and walked further into the living room, "Thanks. It's coming along…"
Alex glanced towards the stairs, "Where's Elliot?"
"He's resting." Olivai sat back down on the couch again, immediately the baby started kicking, "Calm down kid…"
Alex sat down beside her, "Liv? Are you feeling okay?"
Olivia smiled and shook her head, "I'm fine Alex. Just...tired. He's growing nonstop and it's getting a bit cramped in there."
Alex reached for her hand, "And besides being very pregnant, how are you feeling?"
Neither of them heard Elliot walking towards the top of the stairs and listening in. He had heard the knock on the door and was curious as to who was there. He waited to hear what Olivia had to say.
"Alex...I'm fine. I swear." She said reaching for a towel again, but her hands were shaking.
"Olivia...your husband had a very serious accident. It's okay to say you're not okay." She said but Olivia didn't answer, "Do you think he'll be up soon? I'd like to-"
"He's not going to talk to you." Olivia said with a laugh, "He won't talk to me. He won't talk to the kids. Won't get out of bed."
Alex was quiet as she listened to her friend, "It's...not getting any better?"
"He's...seeing outlines and colors but it's all a blur. At least that's what he said yesterday. I don't know if anything has changed since then…"
"When is he supposed to go back to the Doctor?" Alex asked.
Olivia sighed and tried to stand up but she felt a cramp in her side, "Ow...damn it."
Alex quickly stood up and tried to lower her down to the couch again, "Hey...take it easy."
Olivia leaned forward and tried to breathe, "Alex…"
Alex started to rub her back gently, "Tell me what you need."
Olivia whimpered and shook her head, "I need Elliot to be okay. Or at least...talk to me. He's so angry and I get it...he's scared. But so am I. So are the kids…"
"Have you talked to your Doctor? Do you want me to take you to-"
"I'm fine." Olivia said, standing up quickly, "I'm fine."
"Olivia, you're 8 months pregnant. This kind of stress could make you go into labor early and-"
"Don't you think I know that?" Olivia shouted angrily, "I'm very aware of what could happen but what am I supposed to do? Do you think I'm not completely terrified to have this baby early?"
Upstairs, Elliot's heart was pounding as he listened to his wife falling apart. He was holding onto the bannister under his hand and tried to focus on the things around him. It was all still blurry and there was no way to make it better. He listened harder as Alex and Olivia continued to talk.
"Don't you think it kills me thinking that I could go into labor and he won't be there? I mean I was scared of the delivery before...but now? Doing it alone? Alex, I can't do this." She was crying harder now, trying desperately to catch her breath.
"You won't be alone." Alex said, reaching for her, "I'll go with you if...if Elliot can't...if he's not…"
"It wasn't supposed to be like this." Her legs started trembling and she fell to the couch again, "He's supposed to be there with me...and God what if-what if he can't…"
Alex wrapped her arm around Olivia, "Take some deep breaths for me, okay? You're worrying me…"
Olivia kept her eyes closed and tried to focus on her breathing and the feel of her son moving under her touch. Alex continued to rub her arm gently and whisper to her trying to get her to calm down. She was so tired, so scared. Upstairs, Elliot wanted to go to her but he knew he wouldn't make it down the stairs alone. Instead, he turned and walked down the hallway and crawled back into bed.
A few hours later, Olivia was upstairs putting the clean laundry away. She was walking towards the bathroom when she heard his voice. "You shouldn't be carrying that."
Her head towards him, surprised he was there and more surprised that he knew she was carrying something, "Elliot…"
He awkwardly walked towards her, "I…" He sighed and squinted his eyes in her direction, "Leave it for Maureen...she can do it."
Olivia sighed and leaned down to put the basket down at her feet, "I'm fine."
"You're pregnant." He reached out and found her belly, his hands rested on either side of her and sighed, "With my son. With our son."
Lifting her hands, she placed them over his, "Is that what this thing is? I thought I swallowed a basketball."
He let out a little snort and was thankful that despite everything, she could still make him laugh, "Nope. Definitely a growing boy in there…" His eyes slowly lifted to hers and noticed she looked slightly clearer than the day before, "A boy who needs both of his parents. In whatever shape they are in…"
Olivia lifted her hand and touched his cheek, "El…"
"I'm sorry." His voice was soft and she heard the pain he was holding in, "I didn't mean to yell at you...or Richie. I just...I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've envisioned myself getting hurt...getting shot...but not this."
"I know." Her hand slid from his face and held his hand in hers, "Neither of us saw this coming. But it did...and we have to deal with it. I understand why you're angry and I'm trying...the kids are trying...but-"
"But none of you deserved to be treated like that. And hiding away in bed isn't going to fix my eyesight." He slowly lifted his hand and reached towards her, he was afraid to hurt her but his fingers touched her cheek and she didn't pull away.
Olivia leaned into his touch, "No...it won't."
Elliot sighed and pulled her closer, "I heard you talking to Alex…"
She cringed but leaned against him, not sure when or if his mood would suddenly shift and he would push her away. She needed to feel him holding her, needed to feel him beside her, "El...I was just upset. I didn't-"
"I know." He pulled her closer, "I know…" His hand moved up her back and felt how tense she was, "Come lie down…"
She pulled away and searched his face, the skin around his eyes was still black and blue, "I have to-"
"You have to rest." He said sternly, "For yourself and the baby. For me?"
Sighing, she reached for his hand, "Fine. But you need to rest too."
He frowned, "I think I've been doing a lot of resting."
"Well then maybe we just need to rest together…" She squeezed his hand.
Elliot looked towards their room, "Did you know from where we're standing it takes 7 steps to get to our bedroom?"
Olivia smiled as he started to tug her hand, "I didn't."
"I've been counting a lot...helps me figure out how to get places. Without...struggling." Olivia saw him counting in his head as they walked, "Exactly 7...and from here to the bed is 9."
Together they walked to their sides of the bed. Olivia hesitated as he crawled onto the bed. He squinted in her direction again and tried to offer her a slight smile. But he was looking slightly past her and she knew he was still struggling. Lying down beside him, they just faced each other and she wondered what he could see.
"Your hair…" He reached out and toyed with one of her locks, "Feels curly."
Olivia sighed, "I didn't dry it...you know it gets wild when I don't."
"I know. And I love it…" He twisted his finger around the lock.
She couldn't help but ask, but her voice was low and cautious, "Is...it any better?"
Elliot took a deep steadying breath, "I can see more colors...it's brighter. Right now I can...see your eyes." He smiled slightly, "But I can see your eyes with my eyes closed so...that's not shocking."
A quick kick from inside her belly startled them both and their heads looked down between them, "He's...been moving a lot."
Elliot frowned and put his hand above her belly button, "Are you feeling okay? Should we call the Doctor? Get you checked?"
"No." She said softly, "He's just...active." Sighing she looked back up at him, "We still need a name…"
Elliot focussed all his attention on her belly, "I thought when I saw him…" His voice cracked, "That I'd know…"
Olivia felt his shoulders start to shake, "Elliot…"
Leaning forward, he rested his head against her chest, "I just want to see my son."
Tears fell from his eyes and fell against her shirt, her own fell freely, "You will. I know you will."
Elliot moved even closer to her, "I'm scared Liv...I hate admitting that. But I'm scared."
"You once told me that if I can't be vulnerable in front of you...then I can't be vulnerable in front of anyone. It goes both ways. You can admit that to me. I know you are. And you have every right to be." She kissed the top of his head gently, "We're all scared."
"The kids…" He started to subconsciously rub circles against her side, the action was comforting to him, "I need to apologize."
"They just want their Dad to be okay. They don't need an apology." Gently lifting his head, she looked straight into his face, "I need you to not push us away."
As close as he was, he could see her face clearer, "Liv…"
She captured his lips with hers, the first time in days, "Please don't push us away. No matter what happens El...I'm here. I'm always going to be right here."
"What if...I'm never the same?" He whispered, 'Will you still want me if-"
"I will always want you. There is nothing in this world that would make me not want you Elliot. I love you. I made a commitment to you. Forever. No matter what happens. We will figure this out. Together. I'm not leaving you. Not now, not ever." Her fingers traced his jaw line and she kissed him again. "Do you hear me?"
Elliot returned the kiss and gripped her hips in his hands, "I hear you."
Elliot rolled onto his back and held out his arm for her, she understood what he was saying. Resting in the crook of his neck, she wrapped her arm around his waist. He lifted the arm that was draped around her so he could play with her hair. The other hand rested over his chest. They were quiet, and for now that was enough. Both of them still had fears, still had questions but as long as they were dealing with it together, it would be okay.
On Thanksgiving, Elliot slept in while Olivia helped Bernie get a start on the cooking. They were going to eat earlier in the day. The kids were in the living room watching the parade. The last few days, Elliot had come around more, tried to talk to the kids but he still hadn't ventured downstairs much on his own.
Bernie and Olivia were chopping up vegetables at the island, and the kids were focussed on the TV. None of them noticed or had heard Elliot coming downstairs. But they all heard him clearly when he said, "They must be cold...the snow is supposed to get worse. But those are pretty big snowflakes."
Everyone froze when they heard his voice, Olivia put the knife down on the counter and watched him, "What did you just say?"
Elliot smiled sheepishly and pointed towards the screen, "The snowflakes...they look pretty big."
Bernie gasped beside Olivia, "You can see that?"
Elliot squinted his eyes, "Yeah...I can see that. I mean...I think that's what I'm looking at."
The kids were watching him with wide eyes, unsure of what to say or do. Olivia slowly walked towards him and reached out for his hand, "What else can you see?"
Elliot smiled softly at her and then looked at the kids, "I can see that...Richie already spilled something on his shirt. Lizzie has the same dress that Kathleen and Maureen wore at her age on Thanksgiving...I can see that my Mom is about to burn something on the stove."
Bernie jumped and turned to turn the burner off, "Oh!"
Elliot laughed and looked at his wife, "And I can see that...you look as beautiful as ever."
Olivia wiped away her tears, "El…"
"It's...still a little hazy. But much better than it was." He said, letting his eyes roam over her face, "I missed looking at you."
She let out a little laugh and quickly wrapped her arms around him. He pressed his face into the crook of her neck as the rest of the kids ran over to them. He felt small hands reaching for him, and a kick from Olivia's stomach. Lifting his eyes, he saw his Mom watching him carefully and he could tell she was still crying. He offered her a genuine smile, letting her know he was going to be okay. Then he looked down and saw Richie reaching up for him. Elliot scooped him up and smiled, "Want to watch the game together?"
Richie's smile widened, "Really?" Elliot nodded, "Grandma asked us to think about what we were thankful for…and I'm thankful that you're feeling better."
Olivia leaned against Elliot's side, his three girls were also still wrapped around him and he smiled, "I'm thankful that I have such a wonderful family that was able to take care of me. And...I'm really thankful that Grandma didn't burn the mashed potatoes. Those are my favorite."
A little laugh erupted in the room and for the first time in a week, it felt like everything really was going to be okay.