***PLEASE READ****

The content in this story may be triggering for some. I have discussed this on my twitter account but I really feel the need people to read this warning. I care about all of you whether you realize it or not. So I just want to check in. No it does not include sexual assault. I wrote this chapter for my best friend. My person. She asked me to address a topic that often gets swept under the rug but needs to be discussed. However it is difficult. Please be kind in your words and know that this is based off of someone I care about. And always remember that after every storm there is a rainbow. Always reach out if you need too.

SNV - this one is for you. I love you and am so proud of your strength.

Three days later, Olivia was bent over the toilet again. The morning sickness this time around was coming in hard and fast. Her body ached and she hadn't been able to keep much of anything down at all in the last two days. Pulling herself up off the floor, her knees shook and she had to splash cold water on her face to calm down. As she brushed her teeth, she had to lean her elbows against the sink to keep herself standing up.

Elliot knocked on the door, she made some sort of noise to acknowledge him and he poked his head in. She saw the worry on his face, "You okay?"

She nodded and rinsed her mouth out with water, "I'll be fine El."

He leaned against the doorframe and frowned at her, his eyes boring into her as if he was trying to give her a medical diagnosis, "It wasn't this bad with Noah."

"Every pregnancy is different." She said with a sigh.

He watched her toss the towel into the hamper and walk towards him. As she did, her knees buckled and he quickly reached out to grab her. The gasp that escaped her lips startled them both, "Liv."

"I'm just...light headed." She clung to his arms and tried to breathe as another wave of nausea rolled through her, "I just need to sit down for a second."

Carefully, he led them both to the bed. She curled up onto her side and put a hand over her face. He could see she was struggling and trying to hold it together. "I'm calling Cragen. You're not going in like this."

She cringed and shook her head, just that small movement made her regret it, "I can't call out. He'll know. And it's too early."

"I'll tell him you have some sort of bug." He said with a shrug as he pulled the blanket up around her, "And hey...maybe you do."

He pressed his hands to her forehead, "I'm not sick. I'm knocked up."

He smirked down at her and let his hand slide away from her head, "Yeah, you're not warm."

She sighed and pressed further into the pillows, "I'm sure it will pass soon. I'll call my Doctor and see if there is anything I can do."

"Good. But in the meantime...you aren't going to work." He saw her sigh and he shook his head, "Liv, you can barely stand up. I'd like to call out too so I could keep an eye on you but-" The look on her face made him laugh, "I know you won't let me do that. But you better call me if it gets worse."

She sighed again, knowing there was no way to get out of this. She also hated to admit that he was probably right. She wasn't going to be able to handle work today. Even if it was a slow day. "Fine." She gave him a look and smirked, "Good luck handling Novak without me."

He rolled his eyes, "She needs to chill out…"

"She's just trying to prove herself. Especially since she has such big shoes to fill with Alex." She reached out and squeezed his arm, "Just keep your temper in check, okay? We are going to have a lot of mouths to feed. I can't have you losing your job."

Elliot smiled and leaned in and kissed her forehead, "Yes dear. I'll get the kids off to school and Noah to daycare. Sleep."

She squeezed his bicep again and smiled, "Maybe send in Scout before you leave? He can keep me company."

Elliot smiled and shook his head, "Only because I know you're miserable." Kissing her gently he whispered, "I love you."

Curling further into the pillows she sighed happily, "I love you too."

At work Elliot was trying to stay focussed on the job at hand but his mind kept wandering back to his wife. He hadn't seen her quite that sick or weak as long as he had known her. He had expected morning sickness, he had seen it with Kathy and with Olivia. But this seemed more intense. He knew she needed to be eating to help both her and the baby stay healthy but she couldn't keep anything down. With five kids, one of which was still a baby, he wondered if she was just overworked. Part of him wanted to go tell Cragen she needed some extended time off, but he knew that wasn't a decision he could make without Olivia. She'd never forgive him. He was so lost in thought he had to read the same sentence almost five times.

"Having a problem Stabler?" Casey's voice rang through the squad room and he had to force himself not to roll his eyes.

"No Casey. I'm fine." He gave her a sarcastic smile and looked at his coworkers, "Why are you here?"

She tossed her bag on Olivia's empty desk and shrugged, "I wanted to see if you finally found something to help put Malcomson away. Seems like you've gotten no farther than you were yesterday which doesn't bode well for my case."

Elliot cracked his knuckles and stood up, "Casey, all of us have been working our asses off. We're doing the best we can."

Casey snorted and looked back at Olivia's empty desk, "Doesn't look like ALL of you are working your assess off. Benson take a personal day?"

"She's sick." Elliot growled, his need to protect her bubbling over, "But if she had it her way, she would be here working with us."

Casey looked back at him and smiled, "It must be nice to be you two. Getting a free pass all the time."

Sensing trouble, Fin and John both stood up, "Novak...back off." Fin said quickly.

Casey ignored him and looked right at Elliot, "What's that supposed to mean?" Elliot asked.

"It means I may be new to SVU but I've heard all about Elliot and Olivia and all the things they've gotten away with. Getting to stay on the squad together when you're married. Days off when you need it. I heard when your first wife left you were able to take way more days off than you had allotted. How'd that work?"

Elliot moved towards her and John grabbed his arm, "Elliot, calm down."

"What's your issue?" Elliot asked, "Since the day you walked in here you've been acting like a real bitch."

"Watch your tone Stabler. I'd hate to have to file a complaint. You have quite a few mouths to feed at your house." She smirked and grabbed her bag, "Why don't you go back to work and actually find something that I can use in this case."

Elliot turned to watch her walk out of the room and his blood was boiling. Fin and John waited, holding their breath. Elliot had a temper. They all knew that. But when someone went after his family, he became unhinged. This time around, Olivia wasn't even there to pull him back.

"I don't know what her deal is but I'm not putting up with her shit." Elliot tossed a pen onto his desk, "She's way out of line."

"Well we have to figure out how to work with her." John said, "She's our new ADA whether we like it or not."

"Well I definitely don't like it." Elliot said quickly, "She doesn't know a damn thing about me and Olivia." He was quiet for a moment, he turned to look at his friends and coworkers, "I mean...she's...I know that maybe we-"

"If you're asking us if we agree with her. The answer is no." John replied, "We're all allowed to have our own lives. Most of the time in this job we don't allow ourselves to have a life but you and Olivia have it figured out."

"Novak is just trying to assert herself. Show us whose boss. It will get better. But I wouldn't push her too hard. She is right...you do have a lot of mouths to feed." Fin teased.

Elliot smirked and had to bite back a response of, and one more on the way. He nodded and looked down at his desk, "Alright. You're right. Let's just...get back to work. Find something to crush Malcomson. Then maybe she'll get off our back."

"Okay." Fin sat down at his desk again, "Liv's okay though right?"

Elliot looked back at him and nodded, "Yeah. She has some sort of bug. I'm sure she'll be back tomorrow."

"Okay." Fin nodded, "Just making sure you're not trying to stick me with Munch again. I've gotten used to Olivia Benson at my side."

Elliot smiled and shook his head, "She's not going anywhere Fin. Trust me."

That night, Elliot got home a bit after dinner. He found the kids sitting in the kitchen doing their homework. His Mom was cleaning up after dinner and Noah was in his swing. Olivia was nowhere to be found which told him she still wasn't feeling great.

Pushing the thought aside for the moment, he bent down and pulled Noah out of the swing, "Hey guys."

"Hi Dad." Lizzie gave him a squeeze around the middle, "We saved you some dinner."

"Thanks baby." He ruffled her hair with one hand while still holding onto Noah tightly. "Did you take Scout out?"

"Yeah but we'll bring him out again before bed." Maureen said looking up at him, "He's upstairs with Mom."

Elliot smiled and nodded his head, "Okay."

"Dad, Mommy didn't eat dinner with us." Richie said with a frown.

Elliot walked over to him and bounced Noah slightly, "Mom isn't feeling the greatest today. But I'm sure she'll have dinner with us tomorrow. Okay?"

"Is she okay?" Kathleen asked with a worried expression.

Elliot nodded, "She's fine honey. Just a little bug. I think she's trying to keep away a bit so no one else gets it."

The kids seemed to accept the answer but when he looked up, he saw his Mother motioning for him to come to her. Assuring the kids once more and telling them to finish their homework, he walked into the kitchen and up to her. Bernie was brewing a cup of tea and she reached for a cup, "Bring this up to her."

Elliot frowned, "I'm not sure if-"

"It will help. Trust me. I know from personal experience." She gave him a look and he knew she knew.

Elliot took a deep breath and looked at Noah, "Mom…"

She smiled and shook her head, "It's always a blessing Elliot. I couldn't keep a damn thing down when I was pregnant with you. This tea helped."

He leaned in and kissed Noah's cheek, "We didn't uh...quite plan on this."

"It happens." She took Noah from him and smiled, "You two will be okay. You always are. Go on...your dinner can wait. Your wife needs you more. I've got everything under control here."

Elliot smiled and kissed her head before taking the cup of tea and walking towards the stairs. When he got up to their room, he saw Olivia lying on her side with Scout curled up by her feet. Walking into the room, he sat down on the edge of the bed and placed the cup on the bedside table. Scout lifted his head and looked at Elliot as he reached out for her arm and rubbed soothing circles on her arm.

Slowly, her eyes fluttered open, as her eyes adjusted to the light, a slow smile spread on her face, "Hi."

He leaned down and kissed her temple, "Hey. Not feeling any better?"

She sighed and rolled onto her back, her hand pressed into her belly, "I haven't been sick in a few hours...but I still don't feel great. I tried to go down for dinner but whatever your Mom was cooking did not sit well with me. So I just decided to come back up here."

Elliot nodded, realizing that was probably what tipped his Mom off, "She said to try this tea."

Looking at him, she saw the worry on her face, "El…"

"I didn't tell her. But she figured it out on her own." He shrugged, "She said it was the same when she was pregnant with me."

Leaning up on her elbow, she looked down at Scout, "He's been a good companion today. Never left my side."

Elliot smiled and ruffled Scout's furry head, "I'm glad he could if I couldn't."

Olivia pulled herself up on the bed and leaned against the headboard, "How was work?"

Elliot took the cup and handed it to her, "It was fine."

Tentatively, she took a sip of the tea and sighed leaning back again, "Did you find anything on Malcomson?"

"We think we may have a lead on a witness. Fin is meeting with him in the morning." He said.

Olivia nodded, "Well hopefully I'll feel okay and can go with him."

"We'll see…" He reached out and squeezed his arm, "Did you call your Doctor?"

"I did." She took another sip and as it went down her throat she felt slightly at ease, "She said that it wasn't uncommon. But if it didn't get better in a few days to call her back so she can check in. Try and drink as many liquids as I can…"

Elliot kicked his shoes off and pulled himself up on the bed and put his arm out. She took another sip of the tea and handed it back to him. Carefully he put it on the bedside table and then pulled her against him. She settled into his embrace, resting her head against his abdomen and she felt him start to massage her back. "I'm sorry you feel so crappy."

"Not your fault." They both froze and she laughed, "Okay maybe partially your fault." He chuckled, "But I'll be fine El. It will pass."

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" His hands continued to massage her back as she rested.

"Just being here with me helps El. That's all I need." He felt her relax against him again and knew she was probably close to falling asleep.

Threading one hand through her hair, he whispered, "I'm right here babe. Right here."

Two days later, Olivia's nausea had subsided. She was in the car with Elliot on their way to the precinct. Her hand was on her belly and she was thinking hard. Something that didn't go unnoticed by Elliot.

"You feeling okay? Do you need me to pull over?" He asked anxiously.

Turning towards him she smiled but shook her head, "No. No, I don't feel sick."

Turning the car onto the road in front of the precinct he frowned, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure. I feel fine." Looking down at her belly she shrugged "I was just thinking that it's strange how normal I feel. I was so sick...so off. But now I don't feel anything at all."

Elliot pulled the car into a spot and shrugged, "Your Doctor said it would probably come and go, right?"

"Yeah. Just crazy how different it is from Noah. I don't know. I'm overthinking." She unbuckled her seatbelt and smiled, "Ignore me."

Smiling, he leaned forward and kissed her gently, "I'll never ignore you Liv. Whatever you're feeling I'm glad you are telling me. I'm also glad you feel better. I was worried."

Cupping his face in her hand she smiled and kissed him again, "I know. But I promise...I do feel better."

"Okay then." He looked out the window and sighed, "We should go in. But before we do...just so you know...Novak and I have been butting heads."

Olivia frowned and followed his gaze, "About what?"

"She uh...has made a few comments about our relationship. About how she thinks we get preferential treatment." He saw her tense, "It doesn't matter what she thinks Liv. She doesn't know us."

Sighing she looked back at him, "I assume she was annoyed I wasn't in the last two days?"

"She wasn't thrilled, no. But like I said, it doesn't matter. Her opinion doesn't matter. We know who we are."

"So today should be fun then, huh?" She smirked and reached for the door handle, "Let's go."

His hand shot out and grabbed her arm, "Liv wait."

Turning to him again, she saw the worry on his face. At the beginning of their relationship she had worried so much about what their coworkers thought. She had endured many comments about her place as a Detective and her relationship with her Partner. It had bothered her then and he knew it. The look on his face told her he was worried now. Waiting for the fall out. But they were in such a different place now. Sure it pissed her off but he was right. It didn't matter what anyone else thought. What they had was deeper than anyone could understand.

Leaning forward, she kissed him softly, "It's okay El. Let her think whatever the hell she wants." Kissing him again her eyes sparkled looking at him, "Maybe she's just jealous. I would be if I wasn't me."

His smile grew and he pulled her back again, "I love you."

Giving him a wink she responded, "I love you too."

An hour later, things were tense at work. Casey was on a rampage due to the lack of evidence they had been able to find to take down Malcomson. But he was one of the most careful and sneakiest criminals they had ever encountered. Everything about him was well protected and it was taking a lot to be able to crack through all the walls he had built around his life. Elliot was on edge as he listened to Casey lay into Fin and Munch. Olivia was in Cragen's office talking to him about something involving the case. He knew the moment she came out, Casey would start to lay into her too. He was trying to remind himself to stay calm. To not run to Olivia's aid. Olivia was fiercely independent, especially when it came to her career at SVU. Yes she had told him she didn't care what Casey thought and he knew it wouldn't change what they had as a couple. It still didn't mean he didn't want to intervene anytime someone attacked her. He supposed this was why IAB and the Brass had tried to separate them to begin with. His lack of ability to keep work and their personal life separated. He felt especially protective right now with her being so vulnerable. Yes she had been pregnant before, but this one so quickly seemed to be taking a lot out of her.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her approaching and he braced himself. Casey sensed it and quickly turned to her, "Nice of you to join us Benson."

Olivia faltered just for a moment, he saw that she was surprised. But she hid it well. She took a deep breath and walked past Casey to her own desk, "Good to see you too Novak."

Casey rolled her eyes and turned her body back towards her, "Take a little R&R the last two days? Chumming it up with your kid?"

Olivia could see Elliot begin to rise out of his chair but she put her hand up to stop him, "I was sick Casey. I know this case is taking its toll on all of us and I'm sorry I wasn't here to help. But unless you wanted me puking all over your jimmy choo's...I was better off at home in bed."

Casey bristled at her comment, "Lovely."

Olivia smirked and held out a folder for her, "I was coming back in here to tell you Cragen and I were able to get a meeting with Malcomson's old employer. That good enough for you?"

Casey yanked the folder out of her hands and looked at it, "It's fine. For now. But I need something solid to actually nail this bastard. You better not leave that meeting without getting me something I can use against him."

Olivia looked back at Fin, "We won't. I'll come by your office when we're done." Grabbing her cell phone she looked at Elliot and gave him a quick smile, "See you later."

He wanted to go to her, wanted to say something more. Wanted to tell Fin to look out for her, but he just smiled and nodded his head, "See you later."

Once they were gone, Casey walked over to him and sat down on the edge of his desk, "And what are you going to do while your wife is out? Help out or-"

Elliot rolled his eyes and looked back at Munch, "We're waiting for someone to bring up some tapes from the night of the attack. Then we'll go through them."

Casey rolled her eyes, "Fine. I'll see you later."

As she walked away, Munch sighed, "She does not like us. Are we sure that Cabot isn't coming back anytime soon?"

"Didn't sound like it." Elliot said with a huff, "But I wish she would. I know I'm going to say something that gets me in some serious trouble with her. Especially with the way she goes after Liv."

"Yeah...she may be the reason that IAB finally tears you two apart again." He said with a frown, "You gotta try and keep that in check."

Elliot looked up at his partner quickly, "I know. But she can't talk to people like that. I don't care who the hell she is. She's out of line."

Munch put his hands up in defense, "Look, I hear you. And as your partner and your friend, I'm on your side. But you know how this works...we're the low men on the totem pole in his scenario. Sucks but it's true."

Elliot ran a tired hand over his face, "Yeah. You're right."

Munch put a hand to his ear and frowned, "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

Elliot rolled his eyes and stood up, he shoved him back gently as he saw another office approaching with the box of tapes, "I'm not repeating it and I'm not saying it ever again. Let's get to work so the Ice Princess can crawl out of our asses for once."

He heard Munch chuckling as he reached for the box. He knew John was right. There wasn't much they could do even if he wanted to say a heck of a lot to Casey. He had to tread carefully. The one good thing was that he knew that his wife could handle herself more than anyone.

An hour later, Fin was driving them to Casey's office. They had met with Malcomson's former employee and had been given a lot of helpful information. Halfway through the meeting, Fin noticed a shift in Olivia's demeanor. Turning to look at her now, he wondered if her nausea was back. "Liv?" She didn't respond at first, "Olivia?"

Slowly, she turned to look at him, "Hm? Sorry. Did you say something?"

Fin put the car in park out front and frowned, "You feeling okay? Maybe you should have taken another day off. Those bugs can really knock you out."

Olivia shook her head and reached for her belt buckle, "No. No, I'm good. I'm just tired. I didn't sleep well. But I'll go check in with Casey, take a cab back to the house and finish up a few things. Then I'm sure Elliot and I will go home."

Fin shrugged, thinking it was a plausible excuse, "Okay. I guess the sooner we get this case over with the sooner Novak will let up a little."

Olivia laughed and reached for the files on the dashboard, "I have a feeling she's going to be on our asses for a while Fin. Whatever her problem is...I don't see it going away with the resolution of this case. Even if we do win."

Fin smirked and shrugged, "Yeah. You're probably right. Want me to tell Elliot anything?"

Olivia smiled and shook her head, "No. I'm good. I'll see you in a bit."

Fin waved as she got out of the car and walked towards the building. Olivia walked towards the District Attorney's Office like she had so many times before. She was missing her friend Alex Cabot more than ever but she knew she wasn't coming back anytime soon. One way or another, they were all going to have to learn to deal with Casey Novak. Even though she was a serious pain in the ass. Pushing open the doors to Casey's wing, she looked around. She found the tough as nails attorney bent over her desk. Pausing, she realized that the woman's shoulders were shaking.

"Casey?" She knew the woman would be angry but she also couldn't just leave her here…

Casey's head snapped up, she turned away, wiped at her tears and growled, "God. Don't you knock?"

Olivia cringed, "Sorry...I texted you from the car to let you know I was almost here. I just…"

Casey reached for her phone and tossed it aside, "Well I didn't see it."

"Okay." She paused and then looked down at the files in her hand, "I can just leave this...we can talk about it later-"

"I want this case over. Just bring it over here. You're here now and who knows if you'll even be at work tomorrow. You may need a day off again. One day of work might be too much for you." She spat out.

Anger bubbled up in Olivai's chest, but she tried to stay calm. Clearly something was going on that none of them were aware of. She wanted to be respectful. Wanted to be kind and understanding. But she was also only human. And people could only be pushed so damn far before they cracked. "Look Casey…"

"Don't." Casey whispered, "Don't. I don't need you feeling bad for me. I'm just tired."

Olivia shrugged her shoulders, "I wasn't going to say anything Casey. It's none of my business."

"I'm sure you're loving this." Casey said with a sneer, but Olivia could see that her lip was trembling.

"You actually don't know anything about me. You think you do." Olivia said with a sad smile, "Despite how...rude you've been. If you do need someone to talk to, I'm willing to listen."

"What's the point? You've got it all Olivia. A booming career, a husband who adores you and five kids. You're like the poster child for the life that every woman wants but most can't find." She said with a sigh.

So that's what this was about. She was jealous. She couldn't say she didn't understand. Prior to the start of her relationship with Elliot, she envied all those women who had the best of both worlds. And for so long she assumed she would never have it all. Could never have it all. Especially when you're in this kind of business. Work becomes your life. It's hard for men to understand the extent to which you'll go to crack a case. The long hours, the commitment to finding justice when you can't commit to time with him. It's a balancing act that is often quite challenging to figure out. Olivia knew she was lucky. Insanely lucky. And for someone who didn't know her prior to her marriage with Elliot...she could understand why that was so irritating.

"Casey...I'm sorry. I know it seems like...I have it all. And I will admit that I'm luckier than I can even begin to explain. But...it wasn't always like that." She said with a shrug.

Casey rolled her eyes, "Yes, I know he was married before. But he fell into your arms pretty quick...didn't he-"

"No." Olivia said quickly, 'It took us a long time to get to where we're at. I know how hard this line of work is. How difficult it can be for someone to understand. I'm sorry if-"

"I had someone who understood." Casey said softly, "Someone who wanted to marry me. Someone who wanted to…" She shook her head and looked away, "It doesn't matter. Just go."

"Casey…" Walking further into the room she stopped in front of her, "I know you don't know me. But I mean it...if you need to talk...I'm a good listener. Maybe it will help." Casey still wasn't sure, "You don't have to tell me. But...whatever this is is clearly bugging you. I think you're good at what you do. But you're also really unhinged...I'd hate to see you lash out at the wrong person and-"

"Lose my job." Casey sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed, "This position was supposed to be a new start. But I can't...I can't shake him."

Olivia sat down in the chair across from Casey's desk, "Who was he?"

"Charlie…" Her voice cracked as she spoke, "We were...engaged. I loved him more than I ever loved anyone. I saw it all...our future. The kids...our careers. It all seemed so right." Olivia didn't intervene so she pushed on, "He started acting strange. Out of character...he was manic and violent at times. I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. And then it all unravelled...he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. And just like that future I had been holding out hope for just vanished…"

Olivia sighed and scooted over in her chair, "Casey…"

Casey lifted her shoulder and frowned, "I'm sorry I've been so hard on you...I just...I wish-"

"I get it." Olivia whispered, "I fully understand what you're saying and I'm sorry."

Pushing aside the folder, Casey asked, "You have anywhere you need to be?"

Olivia smiled and shook her head, "Nope. I've got time…"

An hour later, Casey had poured her heart out to Olivia. Letting all the pain she had been holding in unravel. They had shared stories, gotten to know each other and broken down walls that they had built up years before. It felt good for both of them to talk to another woman who could understand a lot of what they were each feeling. As their conversation winded down, Olivia felt another strange shift in her body. She had felt it first when she was with Fin at their last interview but she had pushed it aside. Now though, it felt more intense.

Something felt...wrong.

Standing up quickly, she pointed behind her where she knew the bathroom was, "I'm just going to-"

Casey nodded and reached for her cup of coffee, "Sure. Sure. Go on."

Slowly, Olivia walked towards the bathroom trying to understand what she was feeling. She couldn't pinpoint it. But...something in her body was telling her she needed help. Her heart started pounding and her palms were sweating. As she shut the door behind her, she felt a rush of warmth between her legs and she felt the sob erupt in her chest. "No."

Looking down, she saw the red crimson blood begin to stain her dark pants. Her knees went weak and everything began to spin. A myriad of emotions ran through her mind. Before she knew what she was doing, she screamed for Casey. The very woman who just hours before had seemed like an enemy. Just at the start of this friendship...she needed her more than ever. "Casey!"

She heard her coming quickly, and felt the door push open behind her. Casey looked at her, a confused expression on her face. Olivia looked down, her hands were trembling and the blood only flowed harder. Casey followed her gaze and gasped, "Olivia…"

"Please." Olivia grasped the wall, "I need...I need Elliot. Please...call him. Please-"

Casey reached out for her, put her arm over her shoulder and started walking her towards the office again, "Okay. Okay. I'm right here. Everything is going to be okay. I've got you…"

"Elliot." Olivia whimpered again, "I need...I need Elliot."

Down at the Precinct, Elliot kept glancing at his watch. He had expected Olivia to be home by now. Mostly because he didn't think she'd be able to handle spending that much time with Casey alone without kicking her ass. Fin had said she was just going to check in with her quickly and then come back to the precinct. He was just about to ask Fin if he had heard from Olivia when his phone rang. Looking down he saw his wife's name and smiled. "Hey. I was starting to worry that you had-"

The voice on the other end of the phone startled him for more than one reason, "Elliot. It's...it's Casey."

Elliot sat up straighter, red flags were going up in every direction, "Casey? Why do you have Olivia's phone?"

Fin and Munch overheard his last statement and both looked over at him to see what was happening, "She asked me to call you…"

Elliot heard what sounded like a siren behind her and those red flags were multiplying by the second, "Where is my wife?"

He heard her take a deep breath before responding, "Elliot I'm sorry to tell you this...but Olivia's at Mercy Hospital. I'm here with her. And….I think she may be losing-"

Elliot snapped the phone shut and grabbed his suit jacket and keys, "I have to go."

Fin and Munch were quickly at his side, "Elliot? What's wrong?"

Elliot shook his head and started to jog, "I have to go!"

Fin and Munch both stood there, confused and worried. Cragen walked out of his office after hearing the commotion, "What's going on?"

Fin looked at his boss and shrugged, "We don't know…"

All three of them saw Elliot climb into the elevator and knew whatever it was...it wasn't good.

Olivia sat on a table listening to people spouting out information to her. Asking questions. She answered as best as she could but her body seared with pain. Both physically, mentally and emotionally. This couldn't be happening. The pregnancy had been a shock but it didn't mean that she didn't want it…

A searing cramp pulled at her side and she fell forward, someone held onto her from her side. A person she didn't know. The nurse was whispering words of comfort to her. Trying to help but it wasn't enough. It had to stop. It had to be a dream. This wasn't happening. But she felt it, and saw it happening before her eyes. The sheet under her was bright red and she knew there was no question, no confusing this.

What had she said to Elliot this morning in the car rang through her mind, "Yeah. I'm sure. I feel fine." Looking down at her belly she shrugged "I was just thinking that it's strange how normal I feel. I was so sick...so off. But now I don't feel anything at all."

She hadn't felt anything at all because there was nothing happening anymore. Her child. This small part of her and Elliot was…

The sob came hard and fast and her body shook. She was rocking back and forth, praying to a God she wasn't even sure existed asking him to make this right. Make it stop. Reverse it. It couldn't be. God it couldn't be…

Elliot's feet pounded against the pavement outside the hospital. He wasn't even quite sure how he got to the hospital. It was all a blur. Casey hadn't even been able to finish her sentence but he knew what she was going to say and it couldn't be right. It couldn't be. And yet...somehow deep in his bones he knew it was. The pregnancy had been a shock but a welcome surprise. Especially after how long it took to get pregnant with Noah. But the overwhelming nausea and the way she was this morning...telling him she felt nothing at all…

He flung the doors open, and could hear his breathing coming in hard and fast. He searched for a face that he would recognize. And suddenly Casey was there. This woman who had been irritating the crap out of him for days. This woman he wanted to lash out at irrationally. Yet she was the woman beside his wife during all of this…

"Where is she?" He looked past her, desperate to lay his eyes on her.

"She's...with the nurses. They said there isn't much they can do...it has to pass on it's own." She cringed, "I...I'm so sorry Elliot."

He swallowed the lump in his throat, "Maybe...I mean maybe there's a chance that…"

Casey put her hand out and squeezed his shoulder, "Elliot…"

He turned away from her then, felt the ache in his chest, felt the way his knees began to shake. He leaned forward, trying to find his bearings. Breath in and out he reminded himself. Liv needs you. The pain was startling. How was it possible to love a being so fiercely after only knowing it existed for a few days? How was it possible to feel this devastated? Squeezing his eyes tight, he had to push off on his knees before standing up. He turned back to Casey, she stood back letting him take a moment. "Where-"

"Room 207." She whispered, "Do you want me to-" He shook his head but still didn't move, "Elliot…"

Elliot took a deep breath and asked the question that was plaguing him, "What am I supposed to do? How do I fix this?"

"You don't." Casey whispered sadly, "You just...be there. Beside her. Just be there Elliot...that's all you can do."

Urging his feet forward, he took two steps before stopping. Turning back to her he frowned, "Casey...than-"

"Go on." She whispered to him, "Do you need me to call anyone…"

Elliot reached for his phone, his hands shook, "Our kids...someone needs to...my Mom will-"

"I'll handle it. I can call Fin or Munch if I have any questions?" She asked, he nodded slowly but she saw that he looked anxious, "I won't tell them...but does your Mom know-"

"She knew that she was…" His voice cracked and he looked down, he couldn't say the word. "She knew…"

"I've got it under control. Go…" She whispered, "Go on…"

His feet turned towards the hallway again and he walked on. The chaos around him seemed muffled, hazy. He walked past rooms and counted in his head 202, 203, 204, 205, 206...He stopped short and looked in the small glass window on the door. A nurse was rubbing Olivia's back as she lay on her side. Her body shook and she curled up on herself. He had to bite down on his lip. Hard. He couldn't cry. He had to be strong. He had to be there for her. He could fall apart later. Now...now she was all that mattered. His hand shook as he pushed the door open, the nurse looked up and her face softened with understanding and sadness. His feet felt like lead as he walked towards her. She didn't move. Didn't seem to even realize he was there. Normally she could sense him. They were so connected that way. It scared him to think she was somewhere far away. Somewhere he couldn't reach her.

He looked at the nurse, she walked towards him and whispered, "I'm sorry."

He cringed and looked at her, "Is she…"

"The worst is over for now…" She whispered, "But she's...going to be in some pain. There will still be some…" She frowned and looked over at Olivia, "Unfortunately...it's a waiting game. I'm so very sorry. If you need anything...you can press the button. I'm Natalie."

Elliot nodded slowly, unable to form the words. Lucky for him, she either understood or didn't expect him to say much. Once she was gone, he pushed himself forward again. She didn't move. Didn't flinch. Didn't utter a word and the silence was what scared him most. She was in shock. She was in pain. She was devastated. He wanted to sit beside her but he was afraid to hurt her. Kneeling down beside the bed, he reached for her hand and as soon as his fingers touched hers, the dam broke. The sob that erupted from her chest broke him and he leaned over her, wrapping his arms over her, he pressed his lips to the side of her head, "I'm right here."

Her fingers curled around his hand and she squeezed hard, "I'm sorry."

Pressing his face into the crook of her neck, he felt his own tears spilling from his eyes and falling against her flushed skin. He couldn't help it. He wanted to be strong for her but damn it he couldn't help it. "Shh...this isn't your fault Liv. This isn't your fault."

Another cramp ripped through her and she cried out harder, "It hurts."

"I know." He smoothed his hand down her back, "I know."

And so he held her, let her cry. Cried with her. Whispered words he hoped would ease her pain but knew wouldn't. He didn't know what else to do. What could he do? What could anyone do in this moment?

A few hours later, A nurse was helping Olivia change. She would be going home. Elliot was outside the room talking to Dr. Carlson the same Doctor that had helped Olivia with Noah. She was giving Elliot instructions on what to do to help with the pain that would undoubtedly continue the next few days. Giving him medication, offering support.

"Why?" He asked softly, he wasn't even sure he had said it out loud, but the look on her face let him know he had, "Why did this happen?"

Dr. Carlson sighed and reached a hand out to him, "Elliot...I wish I could give you an exact reason. But there usually isn't one. It could be so many things...and it could be nothing at all. It could be that her body just wasn't ready so soon after Noah...it could be that something was wrong. Your body usually senses it and makes a decision even if you don't want it...she was having intense nausea. It could just...have been not a viable pregnancy. I wish I could tell you something that would be more concrete...that would make it hurt less. But it won't."

Elliot nodded slowly, "What do I do now?"

"You grieve…" She whispered, "With her...take all the time you need." Elliot looked back at the hospital room, he saw Olivia beginning to walk slowly towards him, "It doesn't mean that she won't be able to have a successful pregnancy again. She carried Noah to term. But...for now, just let her body rest. Let her heal. Physically and emotionally."

Elliot nodded slowly, "Thank you."

The door opened and Olivia came out with the nurse behind her. She glanced at Dr. Carlson, then at her husband. She shivered slightly. The only clothes they had for her were a tshirt and a pair of sweatpants that were too big. It was still warm but her body was exhausted. Shrugging off his suit jacket, he wrapped it around her shoulder and squeezed. She flinched slightly but didn't pull away. Dr. Carlson spoke to her for a moment and she nodded, he wasn't sure she had really processed what was being said though. Together, they walked out into the lobby. He was so focussed on getting her to the car he was surprised to see Casey.

She had stayed.

The three of them looked at each other for a moment. Casey walked closer to them, her eyes moved from Elliot back to Olivia. "I…"

"Thank you." Olivia whispered, her voice was raw and fragile, "You didn't need to stay…"

Casey shrugged, "I just wanted to...be here if you needed anything. Elliot's Mom is with the kids. Cragen knows you won't be in...I didn't say what happened. But he knows you'll both need some time off. Is...there anything else I can do?

Olivia shook her head, "No. That's...that's enough. Thank you. I just...want to go home."

Casey nodded slowly and looked at Elliot, "If you think of anything else...I put my number in your phone." She handed both phones to Elliot, "Get home safe…"

Elliot took the phones and slipped them in his pocket, "You too. Thank you Casey."

Together, Elliot and Olivia walked out to his car. He flinched when she cringed as she sat down in the car. Tears welled in her eyes again but she bit down hard on her lip, refusing to let herself cry again. Pulling his suit jacket around him tighter, she rested her head on the back of the chair. Elliot looked at her, asking her without saying a word what she needed.

Reaching out, she just squeezed his hand, "I just want to go home El. Please…"

Nodding once, he shut the car door and let his fingers run along the top of the hood. Sliding into the seat beside her, he saw her turn her face from him and he knew she was trying to cry. And so was he…

When they pulled up in front of the house, there was only a light on downstairs. The kids were asleep. It was late. Elliot pulled himself out of the car and ran around the front to open the door for her. She didn't try to push him away, her body just sagged against his as they walked and he knew she was exhausted, that she was weak. The door opened for them but Olivia didn't look at her Mother-In-Law. Elliot caught Bernie's gaze and he saw tears brimming in her eyes. He looked away, Olivia shrugged off his coat and handed it to him.

He saw her walking slowly towards the stairs, he didn't turn from her as he spoke. "The kids-"

"Everyone went to sleep without a fuss. They think you had to work late. It's okay." She whispered "They don't need to know…"

Elliot saw Olivia struggling on the steps, "Scout…"

"Went out. Was fed. He's...upstairs." She frowned, "I...should have tried to bring him back down but he-"

"He's fine." Elliot whispered softly, "It's fine…." He turned to his Mother sadly, "Ma I-"

She reached out and squeezed his arm, "I'll be here in the morning. I'll make sure the kids are ready for school and take them. It's okay."

Leaning in, he kissed the side of her head, "Thank you."

Turning, he walked towards the stairs. Olivai had only made it up to the third step, she was moving painfully slowly. Wrapping his arm around her, he slowly tried to ease her up the steps. Every step clearly caused her pain and he wanted to pick her up but she would never let him. So instead, he took one baby step at a time with her. They passed each room of their children sleeping soundly and then walked into their bedroom. She stopped when they entered the room and took a few deep breaths. He waited patiently, trying to figure out what to do. But she made the choice for him. Walking towards the bed, she crawled up onto the comforter and Scout walked over to her. He curled up at her side and she leaned in, resting her face in his soft fur. Scout whimpered, clearly sensing something was wrong. Her shoulders started to shake in silent sobs but Scout never moved. Never wavered. Just let her hold him and cry. Tugging off his own tie and slipping off his shoes, he walked over to the bed and settled in behind her. She didn't pull away but didn't acknowledge him either. Instead she held Scout and he held her. And nothing more needed to be said…

In the morning, Elliot woke up first. He instantly felt the kink in his neck and he cringed, trying to massage it out. He felt guilty all things considered. Glancing down at his wife, he saw she was still curled around the dog and knew out of the two of them, she was in the most pain. Scout lifted his head and whimpered softly but didn't try to extract himself from Olivia's grasp. As much as he had protested the dog...he knew right now he was the best companion she could ask for. Not wanting to disturb her sleep, he kissed her temple and slowly crawled off the bed. They were both still in the same clothes as the night before but it didn't matter much. Glancing at the clock he realized it was past the time of the kids getting on the bus. But Bernie was probably still here cleaning up before she would take Noah to daycare. He was surprised he hadn't heard the young boy crying as he often did in the morning. Or maybe he had just been so tired that he didn't notice.

Walking down the hallway towards Noah's room, he saw the small boy sitting up in his crib. Here was this tiny baby. This being he loved with all his heart and soul. This growing, changing, strong life force. Walking towards the crib, he bent down and lifted Noah into his arms. As usual, Noah nuzzled into his Father's embrace and the warmth of him set that fire in Elliot's chest again. He rocked his son back and forth, trying desperately to hold it together. But when he felt a hand on his back he couldn't hold it in. "Did you sleep at all?" Bernie asked.

Elliot sighed and looked abc at her, "In and out. I just...was worried that she would need me."

"I know." Bernie stepped to the side of him so she could see his face, "I'm so sorry."

He swallowed the hard lump in his throat and looked down at Noah, "How is it possible to feel such grief over someone you don't even know? Someone you didn't know even existed until a few days ago?"

"It's called being a parent." She whispered sadly, "That love is unconditional from the moment you find out they are a possibility."

Noah nuzzled against his Father and Elliot felt the weight of this lost child, "I don't...I don't know how to...what to say...what to think or feel."

"I know." She whispered to him, "And I don't think you will. Not for a long time. Maybe not ever. I never...experienced this. But I have had many friends who have. Time heals wounds...but it will always stay with you in some way."

He watched his Mother carefully, "How do I fix this for her?"

"You can't sweetheart. Neither of you can fix this. But in time...you'll learn to cope. But for now...just hold her hand. But let yourself grieve too. You can't help her if you don't acknowledge your own pain too." Leaning up, she kissed his cheek, "I'll take Noah. Do you want me to bring the kids to my house tonight? Give you some space?"

Elliot sighed and kissed the top of Noah's head, "I don't know. I'll have to see what Olivia wants...she may want to be alone. Or...she may want them to be close. Can...Can I let you know?"

"Of course. I'm here. For anything at all." She rubbed his back gently and took Noah from him again, "Go back to bed."

Elliot reluctantly handed off Noah and let her take him, knowing he would be dropped off at daycare. He took a few moments to compose himself, then walked back to their room. Olivia was still fast asleep. Taking a quick shower, he changed into some new clothes and carefully coaxed Scout out of her arms knowing he needed to go out. Once he had gone outside, eaten and Elliot was satisfied he was calm, he let the dog follow him back upstairs. Just as they both got onto the bed beside her, Olivia's eyes opened. His blue orbs met her brown and neither of them spoke for a moment. Scout nudged her hand with his nose and she slowly lifted her hand to touch the top of the dog's head. He whined and leaned into her. Elliot watched her bite her lip, clearly coming to terms with the fact that it hadn't been some terrible dream.

"Liv…" His voice cracked as he spoke but she shook her head, "Can I get you anything?"

She sighed, pressed a kiss to the top of Scout's head and croaked out a sad, "No."

Resting against the pillows beside him he stretched out, "Do you want to take a shower? Or a bath? It might...I mean it could-"

"In a bit." She sighed and ran her fingers through Scout's curls, trying to find the words that were lodged somewhere in the back of her throat. Finally she spoke and what she said made his heart ache even more, "I keep thinking that...somehow I knew. Subconsciously yesterday...that I knew something was wrong. Maybe if I had-"

"Liv...there is nothing you could have done to stop this. You heard what Dr. Carlson said. It just...happens." He saw her cringe, "Doesn't make it any better but it happens."

"Yesterday in the car...when I said I felt nothing." She whimpered, "I feel like...like it just...he...or she just, that was the moment..."

He reached for her hand over Scout's head and threaded his finger's with his, "I know."

"I feel like I failed our child. Like I failed you…" The tears fell again, "It hurts so fucking bad El."

Moving towards her again, Scout shifted to accommodate him and she clung to his shirt, "You didn't fail me. Didn't fail our child. Liv, I wish to God I could take this pain from you. I feel it too. But I know...I know yours goes so much deeper. But I'm here. I'm right here...and I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever. We're going to get through this. One way or another we will get through this."

Wrapping her arms around his waist she whispered, "I don't think it will ever not hurt."

"I don't think it will either." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "But we'll hurt together. Okay?"

He felt her nod against him knowing that right now there was nothing left to say. And so he held her, for how long he wasn't sure. But it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered right now except for her.