Chapter 10

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Things settled back into the regular routine of interstate cases in cities and tiny country towns, time on the jet, second rate hotel rooms and meals quickly eaten whenever and wherever they could get them, followed by quiet days in the office catching up on reports and completing consults. JJ focused on making sure Spencer always ate at mealtimes wherever they were and encouraged him to intersperse his coffee intake with regular water and snacks other than pure sugar as well. The others, realising that their youngest member would often skip eating, sleeping and almost everything except coffee while lost in his head also started looking out for him more. Emily became more proactive in talking up his contributions in front of sceptical local law enforcement, making sure he was sheltered from their disbelief that Dr Reid could be a fully qualified SSA and essential part of the BAU team. Spencer was aware of all the small things his friends were doing to try to make him feel more a part of the team and accepted. He was grateful for it, though a bit embarrassed that they thought he needed this assistance, and even more embarrassed to realise that they were right. Slowly the team relaxed around him again and the team dynamic went back to normal though the extra encouragement to stop to eat and the vigilance against potential bullying seemed to be there to stay.

Spencer was aware that Aaron kept a closer eye on his well being that he had before but the older man still held himself back from interacting with Spencer only stepping in when it became clear that the rest of the team hadn't noticed his need for assistance or weren't around to do it. Spencer slowly came to trust that Hotch had his best interests at heart in work situations even though his soulmate didn't want to interact with him away from work unless it was unavoidable.

-o0o-

Spencer was upset when Hotch was suspended for two weeks for no good reason. It was horrible to go to work every day and know he had no chance of seeing his soulmate. He wanted to contact him and see if he was okay but he knew it wouldn't be welcomed. He was also worried about Gideon. The older man was clearly still suffering from his friend Sarah's death, and was starting to second guess himself. The case they went on seemed to take longer to solve without Hotch and with Gideon not in top form and everyone was tense not just Spencer.

Things only got worse. Spencer tried to support Gideon as best he could but he fell asleep in his office waiting for him to come back and play chess with him and when JJ woke him up with a new case, Gideon, Hotch and Emily didn't turn up. There were rumours that all three of them were leaving the BAU permanently.

The team were headed to Milwaukee for the case and Strauss insisted on going with them. Spencer could hardly concentrate, worried about both the senior agents though the others only thought he was stressed about his mentor Gideon's disappearance.

He almost collapsed with relief when Hotch and Emily finally arrived, only to be saddened to hear that Hotch had only come to help out when he heard Gideon had resigned and the case was going badly. He hadn't changed his mind about transferring to white collar crimes. Of course, Spencer could transfer as well and would if Hotch gave him the least encouragement, white collar would love to have him with his memory and reading speed. But he knew that he couldn't do that. Hotch wouldn't want him to. He was leaving the team because Haley wanted him to have a job where he didn't travel, once more choosing his wife over Spencer and everything else. Spencer's heart hurt and he wanted to give into the grief of losing Hotch in yet one more way but they still had an active case to solve and Erin Strauss was judging their every move instead of helping, Hotch asked him to concentrate on the case, he wouldn't let his soulmate down.

From Spencer's point of view, Hotch seemed to think that it was Gideon's absence that was upsetting Spencer as if transferring to a position where he wouldn't see his soul mate for weeks or months at a time didn't hurt the older man at all.

In truth, Ethan had done a fine job of pointing out all of Gideon's failures as a mentor or a friend and Spencer just couldn't trust the older man the way he had done prior to his abduction by Tobias Hankel. These days he was just going through the motions to protect himself from Hotch's treatment of him and to bolster the older agent up in a way he seemed to need. He would be glad of Gideon leaving if it meant that Hotch would stay, though if Hotch was staying, Spencer would've missed the buffer Gideon provided by being his direct supervisor but with Hotch gone Spencer believed that he wouldn't really miss Gideon on a personal level though he believed that the loss of both the senior profilers at the same time would have a devastating impact on the team's effectiveness. The case had shown them very clearly that Strauss wasn't a decent replacement for Emily, let alone one of the senior profilers. Anderson or one of the support agents would have done a better job.

-o0o-

They arrived home from Milwaukie in the early evening, and to distract himself from the pain of having said goodnight to Hotch for potentially the last time, Spencer decided to go and check on Gideon. He thought that Gideon would probably be at his cabin up in the mountains where he liked to go to get away from the city and the stress of the BAU. It was nearly dark by the time he arrived and Spencer's heat fell when he found the cabin empty and unlocked. The power was turned off and there was a letter on the table addressed to him and Spencer sat down and read it. It was a goodbye letter and there were indications that he was giving up on life, it profiled as a potential suicide letter though Gideon had never profiled as suicidal before this. Spencer wondered whether he was just too close to the situation to see things objectively.

He searched the property, ignoring his fear of the dark to walk the perimeter of his land, dreading what he would find. It was full dark by the time he made it back to the house and searched through the cupboards. There was plenty of canned goods and nonperishable staples in the pantry. He didn't expect to find perishable food, Gideon used to bring up what he needed when he came and took it back with him when he left and there was nothing else to show where Gideon may have gone or whether he was planning on coming back. There was no point checking his apartment, Gideon had only gone back after Sarah's death to collect the things he needed, but there was no way to tell whether the clothes he noticed missing from the wardrobe had been packed and taken with him or had not been there in the first place.

-o0o-

Spencer headed home, grieving the loss of his soulmate and his mentor, he wanted to crawl into bed and never wake up but he also could feel the cravings start, he knew that it would eliminate the pain but he was still able to realise that he didn't want to destroy his life that way. He wouldn't give Gideon the satisfaction of ruining his life, so instead of heading home he rang his sponsor and headed to a meeting.

John met him as the meeting let out and took him for coffee and muffins, and a couple of games of chess since that was a way for Spencer to concentrate on something else and let his guard down with someone he trusted. Several hours later John had the entire story about Gideon's disappearance and the events leading up to it, Frank Breitkopf killing Gideon's friend Sarah and then Frank and Jane killing themselves, Hotch's unfair suspension and how it added guilt to Gideon's sense of failure to charge Nathan Stubbs with the earlier murders and save Anna Bagley. How Spencer had spent hours searching the woods in the dark, afraid of finding Gideon's body in spite of his fear of the dark and how he didn't know how he was going to handle being at the BAU without Hotch or Gideon. The only thing he didn't tell him was that Aaron was his soulmate.

"You will find a way, Spencer. Agents come and agents go, it's the way of all teams. In twelve months time it will feel normal for the new team members to have replaced them. Look at it as an opportunity for growth as an Agent," John said encouragingly.

"I don't want it to feel normal that they've been replaced," Spencer contradicted.

"That's a normal way for you to feel, but that feeling will pass. I'm sure Aaron Hotchner will not stop supporting your team if you need his input or personal support," John replied gently.

Spencer just smiled sadly, not able to tell his sponsor that Aaron's support for the rest of the team had never truly extended to him except in a strictly professional capacity and if they weren't on the same team he never expected Hotch to speak to him again. He didn't want to harm his soulmates position in the Bureau, even if he didn't stay with the BAU.

-o0o-

Earlier that evening, Aaron arrived home to find the house dark even though it was still early, he remembered Haley's threat not to be here when he got home if he went to Milwaukie, and he hoped she'd just gone to her sister's to make a point. She hadn't left a note, he searched the house hoping he had just overlooked it and noticed that she hadn't taken all her clothes but there was enough empty space in the wardrobe for her to have packed for more than a week and most of Jack's things were gone. He called her but the call went straight through to messages and she didn't call back. He knew Haley was right he needed to be at home more reliably and he should leave the BAU before Haley found out that he was working with his soulmate, and he'd agreed to leave. He shouldn't have gone on that one last case when Haley was so upset about it but the team were down three agents and needed him, but he had to admit that his anger at receiving the telephone call to the house that immediately disconnected and rang Haley's mobile, and the guilt he saw in her body language as she'd left the room to take the call in private may have had something to do with his refusal to back down on the issue. He couldn't see why he should be the one making all the sacrifices in their marriage. He'd given up his soul mate for Haley, something that still made his chest ache whenever he saw the younger man and also whenever too much time went by without seeing him. Now Haley was demanding that he give up the job he felt called to do, and for what? A wife that was keeping secrets from him, who was cheating on him, emotionally if not actually physically and a marriage that was already in trouble? But it was also for Jack, he'd deliberately brought that little by into the world knowing that his soulmate was already in his life and would be willing to bond. He'd made a commitment to Jack to be the father his own father had never been for him and he owed it to his son to do everything he could to keep him in his life as much as possible.

Part of him was willing to promise never to even talk to any of the people from the BAU again if Haley would just come back to him but his gut told him that it wouldn't solve all their problems. If Haley was willing to cheat on him there was something more than just her dislike of his job going on. Perhaps he should suggest marital counselling as part of the compromise when she came back and demanded that he quit the BAU. He had to keep believing that this was a fit of temper and she'd be back when she calmed down because he couldn't face the thought that she'd really left him.

When Haley still wouldn't answer her phone the next morning he called Jessica. She stonewalled him as much as she could but at least she told him that Haley and Jack were definitely alive and well, and that Haley was determined that she wasn't coming back unless Aaron could show her the resignation and severance papers to prove that he'd left the FBI entirely. She wanted him to return to working as a prosecutor with the long term goal of entering politics. This was taking it a step too far and Hotch packed up his things moving out of the house so Haley could bring Jack home. Hopefully she wasn't actually cheating with the man who was calling her, and some time on her own with Jack would make Haley miss him enough to give their marriage another shot without him giving up everything he believed in.

-o0o-

Strauss was extremely put out that Aaron changed his mind about transferring out of the BAU and would have stopped him from returning if he could but it was made clear to her by her bosses that Aaron Hotchner was the Unit Chief of the BAU, he had never formally accepted a transfer in writing and he had the full support of the Director in maintaining that position especially in the light of Agent Gideon's recent retirement. They also delivered an unstated warning that any more attempts to undermine him would damage her own career far more than they would Agent Hotchner's.

Aaron never knew that it was Spencer's influence that had led to the Deputy Director forcing the section chief into allowing Hotch to retain his position as unit chief of the BAU, and if Strauss knew she was too worried about how much power Spencer actually had with his genius and court certified memory and how the FBI granted him leave or short term secondments whenever he wanted in order to keep him with the Bureau to say anything or to act against him.

Spencer was delighted and wondered why Aaron had changed his mind, particularly since staying in the job didn't seem to be making him happy, it was obviously still causing stress at home. Hotch didn't offer an explanation and Spencer wasn't in a position to ask but he felt Hotch's return almost made up for the loss of his mentor.

-o0o-

Aaron was glad to welcome his old friend into the empty senior profiler position after Gideon left so suddenly, when Rossi offered to come back and help tide things over until they could train another senior profiler. It was only as he was introducing him to the rest of the team that he remembered that Dave knew or at least had heard and might remember the name of his soul mate. The man usually had a memory like an elephant (especially for things that you'd rather he didn't recall) and while it seemed that the name of the young overly enthusiastic agent hadn't rung any bells with Dave at their first meeting, who knew what the older profiler was capable of keeping to himself and as he got to know Spencer as an Agent instead of a fan and witnessed the interactions between him and his Unit Chief, Dave might remember and say something.

Aaron only hoped that he saved his comments until the two of them were alone so he could warn his friend that he was choosing to stay with his wife rather than explore the possibility of a relationship with Spencer and that he had told Spencer this but the rest of the team didn't know that Spencer was his rejected soul mate and that it was important for the cohesive working team they had that they did not find out. If nothing else, he could reassure Dave that he wasn't keeping it secret from Reid himself and that the young man deserved to have his wish for privacy respected.

Luckily, Hotch thought Reid had managed to freak Dave out enough that he couldn't even think about who the young man was, it wasn't good for team cohesiveness but he'd leave the two of them to sort it out and find their own level of normal interaction, which was probably unfair to the young agent who'd just lost a mentor but he didn't feel that he could take Gideon's place so it was time that the genius had to stand on his own two feet.

Dave hadn't totally forgotten the name of Aaron's soulmate but he didn't connect it with the overenthusiastic fan he met on his first day at the BAU. In fact, he was so surprised that the kid could be an agent that the fact that he had the same name as Aaron's soul mate didn't even register. It wasn't until a couple of cases later when Spencer's nerves around Rossi had calmed down to the point he was able to talk to him normally and Dave had gained some appreciation for what the young man brought to the team in spite of him not being a traditionally typical FBI Agent that he realised where he recognised his name from. Even then he had a hard time believing that these two could have been fated to be together, they seemed so different in their personalities and their outlook on just about everything other than the job. Dave wasn't a big believer in having a single type of woman he was attracted to himself so the fact that the young man didn't look or act anything like Haley wasn't a deterrent in his eyes though the fact Spencer had clearly been on the team for a couple of years while Aaron seemed to have only very recently separated from his wife was an indication that the older man at least hadn't eagerly embraced the fact that they were soul mates and the younger wasn't yet thirty so Dave wasn't sure that he even knew. Though the way the younger carefully avoided being alone with Aaron as much as it was possible for an agent to avoid their unit chief without it affecting their work and the team dynamics, and the way he kept all discussions with everyone strictly professional when he knew the unit chief was within hearing distance suggested that he did know and that he was aware that he'd been rejected. It was definitely clear however that the rest of the team had no idea. They were normally a little over protective about their youngest team member but that protective behaviour was never turned against Aaron.

Dave wasn't sure whether he admired the strength Spencer showed in being able to work with his soulmate after any sort of romantic or personal relationship had been denied him, or if he pitied the young man for not being able to make a clean break and leave. He wondered whether Hotch would make a move once he'd got over his wife leaving him, but decided to stay out of it, he knew that most people would say that was uncharacteristic of him to keep his nosiness to himself but soul mates were a touchy subject with most people unless they'd met theirs and bonded with them and were currently living in happy ever after land. For the rest of the world who had met their soulmates and failed to form a successful relationship or who had no idea whether they'd ever be lucky enough to meet their soulmate the entire topic was best kept off limits unless he wanted to get emotionally involved on a level he wasn't prepared to do with someone he had to work with.

A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed followed or favourited this story for your support.

Stay safe everyone.