A SOLDIER'S REVENGE
[A Parody of The Decemberists' "MARINER'S REVENGE"
We are two soldiers,
Our troops sole survivors
In this belly of a Titan!
Its ribs are ceiling beams,
Its guts are carpeting,
I guess we have some time to kill
You may not remember me,
I was a child of three
And you, a lad of eighteen
But I remember you
And I will relay to you
How our histories interweave
At the time you were
A rake & a roustabout
Spending all of your money
On the whores and hounds, oh!
You had a charming air,
All cheap & debonair
That my widowed mother found so sweet.
And so she took you in,
Her sheets still warm with me
Now filled with filth & foul disease
As time wore on, you proved
A debt-ridden drunken mess
Leaving my mother
A poor consumptive wretch, oh~oh!
And then you disappeared,
Your gambling of years
The only thing you left behind
And then the magistrate
Reclaimed our small estate
And my poor besotted mother lost her mind
Then, one day in Spring
My dear sweet mother died
But before she did, upon her bed
I took her hand as she, dying, cried, oh~oh!
"Find him, bind him
Tie him to a pole & break
His fingers, to splinters
Drag him to a hole
Until he wakes up naked
Clawing at the ceiling of his grave"
It took me twelve long years
To swallow all my tears
Among the other urchins in the street
Until a friary
Took pity & hired me
To keep their chapel nice & neat
But never once in the employ
Of these holy men
Did I ever once turn my mind
From the thought of revenge! Oh~oh!
One night I overheard
The friar exchanging words
With a sombre soldier from the Garrison
The captain of his troop
Who matched you toe to tip
And was known for wanton cruelty
The following day
I shipped to Trost with my servicemen
And in the whistle of the wind
I could almost hear
The call of my mother's tears
"Oh~oh!
Find him, bind him
Tie him to a pile & break
His fingers, to splinters
Drag him to a hole
Until he wakes up, naked
Clawing at the ceiling of his grave"
"Oh~oh!
There is one thing I must say to you
As you guard the Walls
Always, your mother will watch over you
As you avenge this wicked deed"
And then, that fateful night
We had you in our sights
After twenty months upon the stone
Your rosy flank shone
I was getting my muskets clean
When came this rumbling from beyond
The land shook,
The sky ignited
My captain wailed
And before us grew
The angry jaws
Of the Colossal Titan
Oh~oh! Oh~oh!
Don't know how I survived,
The troop was all swallowed alive
I must've slipped between his teeth
But, oh! What providence!
What divine intelligence!
That you should survive as well as me!
It gives my heart great joy
To see your eyes fill with fear
So lean in close and listen
To the last words you'll hear
Oh~oh!