Chapter 17 - Of dealing with the aftermath
'Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future.'
Swami Sivananda
Severus stood in the furthest corner away from the rest of the crowd, scowling at the noise around them. Shacklebolt and Moody stood in the corner opposite him, refusing to take seats. A gaggle of redheads stood near the remains of the kitchen sink, all looking solemn and anxious in turns. Lupin looked lost, and the mongrel Black hadn't changed expressions since the incident occurred almost six hours ago.
Severus took a fleeting amount of satisfaction at the despair on the mutt's face before he looked away. The meeting had taken ages to get under way, they were still waiting for the arrival of Dumbledore, who had uncharacteristically taken his time getting everything organised when it came to the Golden Boy. Usually the old man was swifter when it came to reacting the dangers that befell Harry Potter.
Black hadn't spoken at all since Potter had been taken away. Lupin had taken to leading him around like the dog that he was, all that was missing was the leash. Molly Weasley was alternating shooting dark looks between Black who had cursed the boy and Moody who let him leave with his gormless friends.
Not all the members had been able to make the meeting at such short notice, having been assigned other tasks by the Headmaster, but at least all the important players were present.
Severus suppressed a frustrated sigh and stuck his hands into his robe's pockets, his hands clenching around two vials. In one pocket, he had a vial of essence of dittany and in the other had a vial of pain reliever. He'd grabbed both for Potter when he'd returned to his quarters briefly, but considering Potter was still AWOL they were useless. He scowled again as he thought of Longbottom and Weasley absconding so thoughtlessly with the boy. Didn't the brainless twits realise that Potter had a high temperature and was ill even before Sectumsempra had hit him? Of course they didn't, the dim-witted Gryffindors.
He straightened up as Dumbledore finally swept into the battered kitchen; Severus didn't miss the way his eyes roved over the wall Potter's missive was still written in the boy's own blood. No one had thought to vanish the writing from the wall yet.
These were dark times, and Dumbledore looked extremely grave as his disappointed gaze settled first on the lifeless Black and then on himself. Severus found he could not meet the man's wizened eyes.
The room had quietened down immediately as the occupants realised that the Headmaster had walked in.
There was no greeting, not a smile, not even a grim one to reassure them all. Dumbledore stood to his full height and peered into the silence. He was not pleased.
"Remus has given me a brief explanation of what has happened," the Headmaster spoke. "Yet I still find myself confused as to what precisely came to pass. I find myself confused as to how Harry, whom we were meant to protect, has come to be injured in our own safe house." This he aimed at Sirius Black, who still hadn't looked up.
No one had an answer. Most were still in the dark as to what actually happened. Severus, despite being there himself, still found it hard to believe how events had unfolded.
"Perhaps we should start from the beginning," Dumbledore pronounced, as now answer was forthcoming.
Still the room stayed silent.
"Molly, if you would care to start," Dumbledore prompted.
Molly Weasley, who been glaring at Moody, started as all attention strayed to her. At first, the woman was flustered, but quickly gathered herself together.
"Harry's attitude has been off since - since Sirius was announced. He was happy of course to have his godfather back, but there was something on his mind. He hadn't been eating properly since the beginning of the holidays, and he hadn't been sleeping well either. He had a bit of a temperature for a while. I truly don't know what happened, Headmaster," she finally cried.
Dumbledore nodded.
"Remus, Sirius, anything to add?"
Lupin, after a wary look, at the listless mongrel, looked earnestly into Dumbledore's eyes. "Harry wasn't happy with us, Headmaster. He wouldn't speak to us properly. Then, I don't know what set him off but all of sudden- he - he- He said things that he wouldn't normally say. You saw the memory. He started yelling and accusing us of things. He knew things I don't think anyone ever told him."
Dumbledore nodded again, his eyes giving a quick flick towards Severus at the mention of the memory; which of course he had seen.
"After the damage, the first one," one of the Weasley twins added, "we carried him to his room. He slept there all day and all night. He wasn't well."
"Headmaster," the wolf began hesitantly, "you saw the memory right? Was Voldemort seeing through Harry's eyes? Was Harry being possessed again?"
Severus almost snorted at the hopeful tone in the wolf's voice. So eager to believe Potter would only say those things if he were possessed by the Dark Lord rather than actually having those feelings himself.
Again, Dumbledore flicked his eyes towards Severus before settling his gaze back towards Lupin.
"Yes, I viewed the memories you passed to me. And no, from what I could gather, Harry was in complete control of himself," he said after a moments silence.
Severus suppressed another snort at the werewolf's crestfallen face.
"Look at me, Sirius," Dumbledore commanded.
The dog slowly raised his blank eyes to meet Dumbledore's.
Severus wondered if the Headmaster was using Legilimency on Black he stared for so long.
"What happened Sirius?"
Black looked down in shame.
There was a silence as no one spoke. Severus didn't volunteer any information. With experience from previous meetings, he knew his position was tenuous. He knew he didn't help himself with his aloofness from the rest of the Order, but he also didn't care. He was only there for one reason and that reason was currently hoarded away by his dense friends who thought they could look after the boy.
The silence was finally interrupted by voices outside the kitchen; the door still missing, was not there to muffle voices coming from that direction. Curiously, Severus noticed that the portrait of Black's mother hadn't made a single sound.
Everyone's attention turned towards the door as Minerva McGonagall walked through with an extremely irate Xenophilius Lovegood trailing behind.
"She was meant to be safe here. How was she able to just leave?" Lovegood demanded.
"That was what we are trying to ascertain, Xenophilius," Dumbledore turned to calm the fuming father.
"Does anyone know what happened?" Lovegood demanded.
"Harry was cursed very badly and Luna, not to mention the others, decided that Harry wasn't safe here and so they left with him, most likely to Neville's home." One of the Weasley twins summed up when it became obvious no one was going to answer.
"Was Luna hurt?" Lovegood asked.
"She wasn't Xeno. Just Harry," Molly Weasley answered softly, then seemed to flinch as she realised she'd parodied the writing on the wall.
"Who cursed the boy?" Lovegood asked curiously, having established his daughter was unharmed.
Again, there was no answer forthcoming.
"It was an accident. The curse wasn't meant to hit Harry." Lupin tried to explain and Severus almost cracked a grim smile at the attempt soften the events. It only because it was him Severus, who was the intended recipient of the curse that Lupin tried to cushion the explanation. Tried to pass it off as a mishap.
"An accident? How could say that? Did you not see the viciousness of that curse?" Molly Weasley harped. "Did you not see the condition Harry was in when the children took him away, even after Severus performing his counter curse?"
Severus almost jumped at the sudden mention of his name. He was wondering when he'd finally be dragged into it. However, bizarrely, his name wasn't mud as it would usually be. This time Black was being cursed, metaphorically speaking.
"Why was he cursed? Were they attacked?" Lovegood spoke up once more.
"No one was attacked, Xenophilius." Dumbledore intervened at an attempt to calm everyone down.
"From what I could gather two of the members were settling a disagreement that escalated rather rapidly, and Harry was hurt as he tried to step in as an attempt to mediate."
Dumbledore's words did nothing to allay Lovegood's fears.
"Potter was more than hurt, Albus. He could have died. We are in war!" Moody growled. "And we're too busy fighting our own rather than fighting those who should be fought. Potter almost bled to death. Nymphadora is at St Mungo's right now. All because two full grown wizards couldn't think further than their pathetic school boy grudges."
"You are right, Alastor. Forgive me. I had not meant to make light of the situation. Severus and Sirius were wrong in letting their past feelings affect what is happening right now. Not when there are more important matters at stake. You are right. We do, indeed, have to think ahead. Leave the past for now. Enough people have suffered from past events, have they not, Severus?"
Severus met Dumbledore's eyes, knowing exactly what the Headmaster to alluding to. Severus had indeed many mistakes to atone for. He may not like the Potter brat, and though the boy had gotten himself in many sticky situations over the years, this was the first time he'd been injured in Severus' presence. Because Severus and Black had cared more about gaining an advantage over each other rather than the people who got in the way.
He should have shown he was a bigger man than Black was. He should stopped when the Auror was hit. Now Potter was paying the price; and Merlin knew in what condition due to his so-called friend's incompetence.
"So-so where are they now? At Neville's home?" Arthur Weasley finally spoke up.
"They are indeed. The wards at Longbottom Manor are superior, but they are not insurmountable to the determined wizard. Harry is safe there for now, but we do need to bring him back soon. Regrettably, Augusta will not let me pass through the wards. She would not welcome me into her home, no doubt due to the story the children have presented her. Their actions, though admirable, are ill advised. Nothing I could say would persuade her to release the wards long enough for me to bring Harry. He is hurt, and therefore vulnerable. We need to keep him safe. I have tried to summon Dobby to myself, but he is ignoring me. His loyalty, it seems, lies more with Harry than to Hogwarts."
So Dumbledore had already tried to extract Potter from Longbottom Manor? That would explain his delay in attending the meeting. Augusta Longbottom was a strong and stubborn witch. One of the very few who could resist Dumbledore.
"Albus, we can't leave him there. He needs to be here where we can look after him. Where we can keep him safe," Molly Weasley beseeched.
Severus didn't miss the exchange of looks between the Weasley twins, or the discreet glance at their watches. Severus narrowed his eyes at them, but they didn't notice.
"Potter's already been injured here, twice. His gang of friends are not going to concede easily to bring him back. In fact, it was your boy's idea to flee Headquarters." Moody pointed out.
The Weasley matriarch flushed.
"Ron's a good boy. He'll listen to me. His hearts in the right place."
"No doubt all their hearts were in the right place, yet the matter remains we need to keep them all safe." Dumbledore asserted.
By that, Severus translated that they needed to keep Potter safe. The whole meeting seemed to revolve around Potter, as per usual. Potter could be dead, and the meeting would still be all about him. Not that the idiot boy gave a damn. Just continued to do as he pleased.
Severus ignored the goings on, as there seemed to be a different by play with the Weasley twins. He'd worked with them for a few months when they'd been preparing for the Chamber test. Through observation, he'd learned that they had a different type of connection, and didn't need to verbalise their communications all the time. They were atrocious students but they had good grasp of potioneering between them, displayed much more knowledge than they showed in their schoolwork. In addition, he'd learned enough about them to know they were up to something.
He continued divide his attention between the matters at hand and the Twins. He slipped his hands once more into his pockets, clutching around the vials again.
"But how would we get Harry back?" someone asked the question. Severus didn't catch who it was.
"You could try asking me, but I don't think that thought occurred to anyone," came a voice from his left.
Severus almost jumped again at that voice. He twitched his head around and there was Potter in all his glory, surrounded by his friends, Severus mentally sneered the words.
Potter's friends look grim, determined, and immediately as the astonished witches and wizards of the Order noticed their presence they all simultaneously cast the strongest shield charm, all barring the Lovegood girl who continued to hold Potter's hand.
Severus straightened himself up as he silently assessed Potter. He looked extremely pale, looking as one well-placed tickling could knock him off his feet let alone an expelliarmus. The scars from his face were faint, not yet unnoticeable, but a few more applications of dittany would remedy that soon enough, he thought as clenched even more tightly around the vial. He held himself stiffly, no doubt due to the bigger scars that were still on his chest. There was a slight sheen of sweat around his forehead. He didn't miss the slight tremble from his hand that wasn't being held by his girlfriend. Potter and Lovegood were the only ones who didn't cast the shield. Lovegood had her wand in her other hand, but Potter didn't even take his out. Arrogant boy!
"Oh, Harry," Mrs Weasley exclaimed. "Thank Merlin you came back." She strode towards them, only stopping abruptly as she realised that they hadn't yet let their shields down. Her look of relief was replaced a look of hurt.
Severus was surprised the shields were still up.
"We came back because we knew you'd be worrying so much Mrs Weasley," Potter said to her gently.
"Luna!" Lovegood gasped, also moving towards the group of teens.
"Daddy," the girl acknowledged, but didn't move from Potter's side.
"Go on," Potter prompted.
Reluctantly she unclenched Potter's hand and moved out of the shield to through her arms around her father's. Severus had to watch through a sickening display of re-union.
Luna Lovegood, having greeted her father, swiftly moved back through the shield and back to Potter's side, clasping his hand once more.
"Harry's my boyfriend, Daddy," the girl explained.
"Oh," the man said. "You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend, sweetheart."
"It only happened before the holidays, Daddy. I was going to tell you earlier today, but the time wasn't right. I didn't think it was right to mention at Mummy's grave."
Severus almost scoffed at the surreal direction the conversation was taking. He couldn't believe Potter was talking about making a good impression with his girlfriend's father rather than the actual matter at hand.
"I'm sure you could have had time to mention it at some point today," Lovegood admonished his daughter.
"Yes, Daddy," the girl said meek as he'd ever seen her.
"Harry, how are you?" Dumbledore inserted himself into the conversation before father and daughter could deviate any further.
Potter shrugged at the question, but otherwise ignored the Headmaster; instead turning his attention to, of all people, Mad-eye Moody.
"How's Tonks?"
"She's all right lad, recovering."
"And the – what about her -" Potter struggled to get the words out.
Severus found himself leaning forward as he tried to decipher what Potter was asking.
"Miscarriage. Baby's gone. Dora's in St Mungo's; she'll be there for a few more days yet, under observation."
Potter looked downcast at the news. Severus himself was startled. He'd forgotten that Moody had announced that particular titbit when Tonks was being taken away.
There were many gasps of surprise and dismay. It seemed no one had known that about.
"Gone?" Lupin's voiced rose above the rest, his face pale. He stuttered a little more as he tried to get the words out.
Severus watched intently as he saw Potter's face contort in anger, before settling back into a smooth mask he'd adopted from his first appearance.
"You left it too late to be concerned now, Lupin. You've no right." Moody growled.
Lupin flushed uncomfortably as he realised he was under observation from several interested, not to mention appalled, faces.
So, Severus summarised mentally, Tonks had been pregnant, Lupin had been the father and Potter and his friends had known. Now the baby was gone, Lupin was being castigated by everyone present as an irresponsible lout. How the mighty had fallen!
Moreover, throughout it all, Potter had yet to acknowledge Black's presence. Not to mention his own.
Black, who'd looked up finally at Potter's presence, looked back down in shame as he realised it was his spell that knocked his cousin down.
Severus almost sighed in frustration at the mess it had all become. He silently acknowledged his part in the whole fiasco. He didn't particularly care about Tonks, but he wasn't a monster. If he had actually known about Tonks' pregnancy then he would have stopped the duel and perhaps tried to get the clumsy girl some medical attention straight away.
He wasn't above admitting he was partially responsible. He refrained himself from pinching the bridge of his nose, as he usually did when he was about to stave off a headache.
"Tell her- tell her we're thinking of her. Tell her I'm sorry, please?" Potter said, directing his words at Moody.
"All right, Potter. She was asking about you as well."
Potter just gave another one of his infernal shrugs. Severus didn't miss the almost wince at the shrug, or the tense shoulders.
Potter needed his injuries seen to by a healer, Severus growl. Not left to the dubious care of his friends.
He steeled himself to insert himself into the conversation and bring them back to the matter at hand, namely getting Potter healed.
Before he could get his first word out he was cut short by a rasping Black who'd finally come out his stupor, "Harry?"
Potter didn't even turn to Black's voice, yet his expression was completely blank. This was different to the usually emotional Potter he knew. The Potter he knew wore his heart on his sleeve. It was disconcerting to see him like this.
"Harry you need to rest," Molly Weasley insisted. "You've been hurt, and we need to get you healed." She carried on as if the boy didn't already know.
"I've been through worse, Mrs Weasley. Neville's done a good job patching me up."
Severus couldn't resist a snort escaping him that time, but he was ignored.
"Potter, you don't recover from a curse like that in a matter of hours. You need to be seen by a professional," Severus sneered, finally asserting himself.
He could see Longbottom turn red, but the boy refused to look directly at him, instead tightening his grip on his wand. Potter, too, ignored him; much to his fury.
"Severus is quite right," Dumbledore said. "You do need to be healed. I am sure that you are in quite a bit of pain right now. The sooner you have your injuries seen to the better. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to get rid of the scars."
"I don't know, Headmaster. I'm quite partial to these scars. It'll a good reminder of how much my godfather cares for me."
Black flinched at the words.
"Harry, dear. You don't mean that," Mrs Weasley said.
"Ron's lucky to have a mother like you," Potter said instead. "If my mum was still alive I hope she would have been half as caring as you."
The Weasley matriarch didn't know how to answer that. Severus himself felt uncomfortable at those words.
"I care about you too Harry."
"I know Mrs Weasley. You're like a family to me. You're one of the reasons I came back. I don't deserve your worry."
"Oh, Harry," the woman sighed.
"There are a lot of people who care about you, my boy," Dumbledore said sagely.
"If you say so," Potter said, with another one of his infernal shrugs.
"Harry, I'm sorry. Please, Harry, you have to forgive me," Black pleaded, finally gathering the courage to stand up from his chair face his godson. It was the most he had spoken since he'd cursed the boy.
Again, Potter didn't even glance in his direction.
"Will you be staying for Christmas, Mr Lovegood?" Potter asked instead.
Lovegood, an odd character in himself, took the question in his usual stride.
"I wasn't planning to. I have a lot of work to do get the latest Quibbler edition out in time for the New Year. Luna asked to spend time with her friends for Christmas, so I had expected the free time to get ahead."
Potter nodded, his face paling further.
"I'm sorry your plans were interrupted. I hadn't expected to throw myself in front of a deadly curse fired from my godfather's wand." Potter threw out casually.
If the situation hadn't been so important, Severus might have laughed at the expression on Black's face. Never more did he look like a kicked dog than he did at that time. What was Potter up to?
"Harry," Molly Weasley admonished.
Potter gave what Severus thought could pass for an apologetic look.
"We were all very worried about you, Harry. Please take this seriously. And I must ask your friends to lower their shields," Dumbledore rebuked gently. "We are all here because we want to keep you safe."
Potter made a show of looking around. He stood a little straighter, and Severus could see the pain it cost him.
"I'd like to thank you all for your efforts. It is genuinely appreciated. But as you can see, I'm back and so are my friends and we're 'safe'," emphasising the words sarcastically, "now. I know how dedicated you all are to this cause. These are dark times, trying times. Which is why I wouldn't like to keep you from your families for longer, especially considering how late it is. It's going to be Christmas Eve in a few hours and I'm sure you'd all like to go back to people who matter more to you than I do."
Severus couldn't believe the gall of the boy. How dare he dismiss the Order in such a manner?
The members who'd nervously watched the proceedings were taken aback at being addressed so, and looking in askance at the Headmaster.
Dumbledore after long moment of staring down Potter, who didn't flinch at all, finally acknowledged the boy's words.
"Harry is correct. It is late and I am sure with your families is the place you want to be the most. Harry is back with us and there is no further cause for alarm. We shall adjourn for now and meet as planned. Merry Christmas."
There was a silence at Dumbledore's words and slowly after more than a dozen glances were exchanged, the Order members rose from their seats and slowly shuffled out of the kitchen, murmuring a good night or Merry Christmas as they passed.
In under a minute the kitchen was significantly emptier, leaving only Severus, who had refused to leave, amongst; Potter and his stooges who still hadn't lowered their shields; Dumbledore, McGonagall, the Weasley clan, Black, Lupin, Shacklebolt, Moody and lastly Xenophilius Lovegood.
"Why did you come back Potter? You were better away from here," Moody broke the silence.
He ignored Mrs Weasley's shocked gasp.
"There would have been no peace," Longbottom said before Potter say anything. "Professor Dumbledore already threatened Gran that he'd break through the wards if had to; to get to Harry."
They all looked to Dumbledore who didn't deny it.
"We have enough people to fight outside the Order, Professor Moody, without having to fight the people we should trust," Potter said wearily.
Severus knew that barb was aimed at many people, many of the remaining members flinched guiltily at those words, none more violently than Black.
"If I had stayed at Longbotton Manor, the Headmaster would have stopped at nothing to bring me back here. And it's worse that I have to hide from our own people when we're in danger from Voldemort's lot," Potter carried on. "So I asked Neville to heal me enough to back on my feet so we could all come back here. Though you don't have to stay here," this is he aimed at his friends.
"No chance, we're leaving your side, Harry," Weasley quipped.
"Ron, take down your shields. This is ridiculous," Mrs Weasley ordered.
The idiots all looked to each other first before they looked to Potter, who nodded at them. This angered Severus that Potter was looked to as their leader. How dare they look to Potter over Dumbledore?
They reluctantly released their shields, and Severus could see from the way they held their hands that they would be ready to cast them again at a moment's notice.
Severus could see that Potter would not last long on his feet. Surely, the boy must realise it too, then why didn't the idiot stop this lunacy and take himself to rest?
"Potter, you need to take yourself to bed before you keel over. Do you think you are above us all that you think you can overcome that curse in one day? It takes days to recover," Severus blasted the boy.
To his fury, he was again completely ignored as if he hadn't spoken. What was the boy up to?
"Perhaps, we should all take a seat," Dumbledore suggested, though it was actually an order.
Dumbledore wearily took his seat first, and Severus could see that he was actually at a loss as to what to do with his hands as he usually rested them on the table, or his desk at Hogwarts. The table so far had not been replaced, and Dumbledore being Dumbledore covered the gesture quite well and placed his hands loosely on his knees as if that had been his intention all along.
Everyone who had started seated seemed to have inexplicably risen to their feet quickly drew a chair, all done in silence. Severus too sat in the chair closest to him.
"How are you, Harry? Truly?" Dumbledore asked, once everyone was settled.
"Tired. Hurt. Angry. Tired again."
"You shouldn't have left Grimmauld Place," Mrs Weasley said with a glare at Moody again.
"Harry should have been safe. We should have been safe here, mum. We did what we thought was best," Ginny Weasley defended.
"Miss Weasley," McGonagall cut in for the first time, from beside Dumbledore. "Whatever the circumstances, you would have all been looked after here. Mr Potter would have been healed here in safety. Gallivanting off out of our sights was the wrong thing to do. Surely, you should have had more sense, Miss Granger, than to leave Headquarters knowing the dangers. You should have let the adults take care of this matter."
"What if the adults are the danger, Professor?" Granger contradicted.
"Miss Granger! I understand that the duel got out of hand," McGonagall said with a glare split between Severus and Black, "but you should have trusted us to take care of us."
"We tried to trust you, Professor. But you keep letting us down," Granger challenged.
Severus felt his brows rise. Granger was a know-it-all who lorded her knowledge over all those she felt inferior, but never had she argued so disrespectfully (for her) against her teachers, and McGonagall most of all, her own Head of House.
"Pardon me?" McGonagall said, aghast.
There were looks of confusion all around. Even Dumbledore looked concerned as to where this was going.
"You don't know how hard it is, to convince the boys to bring matters to you. Harry especially," Granger started, ignoring Potter's slight smile. "I tried so hard to get Harry to go to you every time we needed help, to convince him that he should trust you. That you'd help us. You never did help. You proved me wrong."
"What do you mean, Miss Granger?"
"Hermione, don't. It doesn't matter now." Potter said.
"Yes it does, Harry. It does matter," Granger burst out. "You keep telling it doesn't matter. But you do matter. You were right about the adults. But you shouldn't have to be. They should be the ones to save us. We shouldn't have to save ourselves."
"What do you mean, Hermione?" Mrs Weasley asked anxiously.
"We came to you for help, Professor," Granger aimed her words at McGonagall, "We asked you to help us find the Headmaster, in first year because we knew the stone was in danger." McGonagall stiffened. "And we were right. Because Voldemort did go after the stone that night. You didn't even ask us how we knew. You thought we were being nosy, but we were trying to help and you didn't even give us chance to explain."
McGonagall had paled at the accusation from her favourite student. Severus knew the witch was extremely protective of all her students; she was always fair and strict and never let any student get away with any amount of rule breaking.
"Hermione, don't do this," Potter pleaded.
"You almost died that night, Harry. And I know we shouldn't have interfered, but that was our first year ever at Hogwarts. But we still got through all of the protections. It took three of us, but we managed, and you expected Voldemort to fail?"
McGonagall flinched. Severus paused in thought as he realised Granger was right. They hadn't managed to get past all of them, from what he could remember the troll had been defeated by Quirrell. Weasley had been felled by sacrificing himself at the chess set and Granger had defeated his potions puzzle. Potter had won the stone from the mirror, something that Dumbledore had assured them the Dark Lord could never do, even if he broke the mirror. True, if Potter hadn't actually been there the Dark Lord would never have come so close to gaining the stone, but the truth of the matter was that three first year students, even one with Granger's intelligence should never have got past the first obstacle, let alone seven.
"Hermione, it's all over now."
"No, Harry, it's not. How can you say it's over when you're hurt again?"
She directed her ire back at McGonagall.
"You're our Head of House; you're supposed to help us. You're quick to punish us when we've done something wrong but you don't help us the way you should."
"My door are always open to my students, Miss Granger?" McGonagall said through bloodless lips.
Potter seemed to know the direction Granger was taking the conversation, such as it is was.
"Hermione, there's nothing that can be done with this. Just let it go," Potter pleaded again.
Granger ignored Potter, and none of Potter's friends interfered. Severus found himself curious as to where this was going.
Potter looked like he had to consciously keep himself still, his eyes only on Granger.
"Umbridge," Granger spat out the name as if it was an expletive. "Do you know what she did to Harry? To so many other students? You didn't even try to protect the students. We protected you!"
"It doesn't matter now Hermione," Potter tried again.
"Of course you matter, Harry," she burst out, and Severus found it odd that she made the argument Potter specific. Then wasn't everything about Potter? Yet he did have an idea as to where this was going. He eyed the scars on Potter's hand. He'd tried to get rid of them earlier with his balm when he'd healed the boy's hands, but despite several applications, the balm hadn't made a lick of difference.
"Harry tried to hide it for so long. Even with murtlap essence didn't make much of a difference. It took me ages to convince Harry to tell you what was happening, but when he finally came to you, you told him to keep his temper and keep his head down. You didn't even try to listen when he tried to tell you Umbridge was carving words into his hands."
McGonagall looked more than a little confused, she of course hadn't see the memories of Potter showing his scars to Lupin and Black. However, he and Dumbledore had.
"May we see your hand, Harry?" Dumbledore said mildly.
"You may not," Potter said obstinately, clenching his fists and hiding them both in the pocket of his pants.
"You have no idea how many students had to writes lines with Umbridge's blood quill. Harry had to do the most; and we kept quiet after we realised no one wanted to know. Umbridge was gaining so much power because no one stood up to her and we knew if we told you Umbridge would have removed you from the school as well. We protected you when you should have protected us." Granger finished in broken tones.
No one said anything. Severus found it a very bitter experience when a handful of students could reduce a roomful of adult to silence so many times in such a small amount of time. Even worse, when they were right.
They were the adults and they had failed. Severus had vowed to Dumbledore he would always protect Lily's child. It seemed he hadn't done a very good job, he knew.
"Hermione's just a little upset, Professor. I wouldn't take her words to heart. I know – I understand everything you've done," Potter assured his Head of House.
"You're defending me Mr Potter, when everything Miss Granger said is right." McGonagall looked dazed
"There's nothing you could have done about Umbridge. I understand that. Every detention she gave I took. This wasn't just about pride. This was about the truth, and everyone told me to keep my head down and keep my temper and be a good little boy, but I wasn't going to stop telling the truth. She could have sent a hundred more dementors after me; I'd do those detentions all over again; I'd carve more words into my hands because I wasn't going to let her sweep Cedric Diggory's death away as if it was nothing. Cedric was the true Hogwarts Champion who earned his way into the Tournament. He was chosen by the goblet of fire. I was entered against my will and cheated all the way. He won. He was going to give it up because I got to the cup first and because I saved him from the spider. But he saved me as well and to me winning didn't matter. I told to him to take the cup with me because Hogwarts would have been the winner in the end whichever way we looked at it. Crouch Junior interfered so much in that maze that it didn't matter to me but we took that cup together even though I didn't even deserve it and he died because he was there. Kill the spare. That's all he was to Voldemort, and I wasn't going to let Umbridge and Fudge and anyone who didn't believe Voldemort was back demean the death of a boy who was just trying to play fair when so many people didn't."
"Oh, Harry," McGonagall whispered.
"Voldemort has killed so many people, and I'm not stupid enough or arrogant enough to think I'm the responsible for all of them. But Cedric did die because of me. I was the target for that portkey, and fair play only got him killed. He meant nothing to Voldemort, and so he died. The same as my mum. She could have lived, if only she thought selfishly and accepted Voldemort's offer. She could have been spared if only she stopped protecting me. My mum could have been spared, and Cedric was the spare, and they both died because in both those times I was the target. And nothing was going to stop me from telling the truth because Cedric's death was just the beginning."
Potter's rambling made a lot of sense to those who were surprised by his actions last year. Molly Weasley let out a sob and clung to her husband who had his arm around her and stared stoically at the wall with Potter's blood still on it.
"I wish you would have come to us, Harry," Dumbledore said faintly.
"It's hard to go to someone who doesn't have the courage to look you in the eyes," Potter said wearily.
Dumbledore acknowledged the boy's words with a chagrined look.
"We've punished you unfairly over the year's haven't we, Mr Potter?" McGonagall inserted shamefacedly.
To their surprise, Potter had faint grin on his face, but there was no humour there at all.
"Parents cast an awful long shadow don't they, Professor?"
McGonagall looked confused again, as did most of occupants of the kitchen, including Potter's friends at the random segue.
"Potter?"
"Your punishments have always been fair, Professor. Your detentions, your points, while harsh, were never excessive. But it wasn't really me you were punishing, was it?"
They looked all looked at Potter incomprehensively.
"What do you mean, Harry?" This came from Ron Weasley.
Potter answered Weasley's question without taking his eyes of McGonagall, watching her reaction carefully. Severus found himself straining forward.
"In first year, you were in the hospital wing because you'd been bitten by Norbert. So we had to go without you, remember? So, it was just me and Hermione and Norbert under the Invisibility Cloak when we headed up to the Astronomy Tower, waiting for Charlie's friends to come and take Norbert away."
Mrs Weasley started a little at the mention of her second eldest. The eldest Bill and the twins didn't seem surprised at this particular narrative. Who was this Norbert?
"With Norbert safely on his way off from Hogwarts, me and Hermione took off back towards our Common Room, when we heard Draco Malfoy being told off by Professor McGonagall for being out after curfew."
Severus cast his memories back. He did remember that incident. Draco had been trying to get Potter and his friends in trouble and got caught, thus earning himself a detention from the Head of Gryffindor. Severus, furious at the boy's lack of discretion, had given him another detention for being caught.
"I remember that," Longbottom exclaimed. "I overheard him telling his friends you were trying to sneak a dragon out of Hogwarts."
"We left the Cloak at the top of the Tower," Granger recalled.
"We got caught," Potter nodded his head; his eyes hadn't left McGonagall all the while. McGonagall sat there unspeaking, with an unreadable expression, pale facing staring right back at Potter.
"Professor McGonagall stood there holding Neville, who snuck out trying to warn us what Malfoy was up to and got caught trying to help us. Do you remember how many points Professor McGonagall took from us, Hermione?"
"We lost a 150 points between us all," Granger recounted, still looking confused as to where this was actually going.
"And a detention," Potter added. "Harsh, right? There was a lesson behind them points, wasn't there Professor? Four students caught out of bed in one night, three Gryffindors and a Slytherin, two of them established rivals who'd already clashed on many occasions, one claiming there was a dragon in the castle. Reminded you of another group of students, and your memories flashed back to 15 years ago when another Slytherin was almost killed because a Gryffindor had told him something he shouldn't have."
Severus was astonished at this connection. He'd never made it himself, not at the time nor later. The fact Potter had picked it up was amazing intuition for the boy. Even Dumbledore had a mild look of surprise at this bit of information.
"You weren't really punishing Harry at the time? You were punishing James Potter?" Granger asked.
"Fifteen years too late," Potter inserted dryly.
"There really was a dragon?" Longbottom asked.
"We were trying to help Hagrid," Granger told him when Potter remained silent, eyes still on a pale McGonagall. "Voldemort gave Hagrid a dragon egg when he was trying to find a way around Fluffy. (Here Severus rolled his eyes at the ridiculous name that only Hagrid could bestow upon that monstrosity) Hagrid was going to trying to raise the dragon in his hut, but Norbert was growing quickly so we had to persuade Hagrid to send him away. It was Harry's idea to send him to Charlie so we wrote him and Charlie arranged it for us. All we had to do was take Norbert to the Astronomy Tower at midnight on the day Charlie told us to."
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"We didn't want Hagrid to get into trouble," Weasley answered.
Unbelievable, Severus thought incredulously.
"What kind of dragon was it?" Moody asked interestedly.
"Norwegian Ridgeback," Weasley answered placidly.
"So, we were punished because you thought we were trying to Malfoy in trouble the same way Sirius tried to get Professor Snape in trouble?" Granger asked indignantly.
McGonagall seemed to have trouble meeting Granger's eyes.
"What you did was incredibly dangerous and stupid," Molly berated. "A dragon? Sending a Norwegian Ridgeback to Charlie. Wait until I see Charlie. Did you know?" She wheeled around on the male Weasley's standing behind her.
"No. Of course not. Not at all," they all denied under her ferocious gaze.
Molly didn't look like she believed them, but turned away from them nevertheless; leaving them to exchange relieved glances with each other and oddly enough with Arthur Weasley as well.
It seemed Arthur Weasley had heard all of this previously, yet hadn't thought to tell his wife.
"You have to accept my apologies, Harry," McGonagall said earnestly.
"Ever since I stepped foot in Hogwarts, Professor, and Harry's never been anyone's priority. It's always been 'oh you look just like James, you must be like him too'. Or 'you have Lily's eyes and that's the only reason I'll protect you but otherwise I'll hate your guts'. James and Lily are dead, and I'm their legacy. Left behind to be despised and judged by everyone from my Aunt to anyone who knew them in Hogwarts. Harry," Potter emphasised, "doesn't seem to exist, when Potter is being judged because of his past, or his parents, because his parents were brave enough stand up to a power hungry megalomaniac. When Hagrid told me I was a wizard, I thought it was my chance to prove myself. To prove to the Dursleys, to myself, to everyone I wasn't worthless. But I was never given a chance, not when everyone already had this image already set in their mind as to who Harry Potter would be. And I gave up very quickly trying to prove myself, because no one wanted to know Harry, they all wanted was Harry Potter. You think you were trying to treat me as normal as everyone else because I was famous, but you made me stand out even more when you punished me, because it wasn't Harry being punished. You were punishing the son of James Potter; or the boy who became famous because his mother loved him too much to step aside and save herself."
"Harry," Dumbledore began, when McGonagall was too overcome with tears to speak.
"That's right, Headmaster," Potter interrupted, standing up. "Harry. That's my name. Harry. Harry is tired now, and in pain. Harry Potter may fight a basilisk with a sword and a phoenix song, Harry is weaker than that. Harry can fall with one well-placed curse. So Harry needs to rest because Harry doesn't have the energy to fight anymore, not tonight. So Harry's going off to bed."
Somehow, they all stood up from their chairs. Severus was sure the meeting had not gone as Dumbledore had wanted it to go. Dumbledore had lost control, or perhaps he never had it.
"Harry," one of the twins interrupted before Potter could leave.
Potter turned around.
"Your wand, Harry," Fred Weasley said, holding it out to Potter to take.
Potter reached out for his wand, staring at it in confusion.
"You dropped it," the other twin explained. "After you were cursed. No one picked it up when they took you away."
"Thanks," Potter nodded distractedly, looking grateful as he clenched his fist tighter around his wand. Yet, in the next instance threw with deliberate negligence at the Headmaster's feet.
The gesture was immediately followed with gasps of surprise and dismay. A wand was a lifeline to a witch or wizard. To purposely throw it away was unheard of. Even Potter's friends were aghast.
"I don't need it. Not whilst I'm in Headquarters." He made to turn away.
"Pick up your wand, Harry," Dumbledore said faintly.
"You said it's safe here. I shouldn't need my wand."
"Pick up your wand, Harry," Dumbledore repeated.
"I have every confidence in your protection, Headmaster. I mean, I know the lengths you've had to go to keep me safe. From Privet Drive to Hogwarts; you have enough people convinced to look out for Lily's son who has her eyes. You've had to persuade so many people to look out for me. You said it's safe here, this is where you wanted to bring me back when you came to collect me from Neville's home. I trust you to keep hold of my wand until we leave for Hogwarts."
"Please, Harry. Pick up your wand."
Potter ignored Dumbledore's plea, ignored the calls of his friends, the shouts of his godfather and walked out of the kitchen, wand still at Dumbledore's feet.
His friends, after a silent consultation, remained behind instead of following him immediately as Severus thought they would, barring Luna Love good who'd only hesitated long enough to receive a nod of consent from her father who had remained silent throughout the whole ordeal.
Severus thought distantly how humiliating it was for a room of adults to be glared down so harshly so by a handful teenagers. The happenings of the past hour or so had yielded so many answers and yet arose so many more questions. How much had been going on within the school that they not been aware of? How much more did Potter know? How did he come about this knowledge?
His musings were cut short by Granger's angry words.
"Voldemort could never break Harry. Neither could Umbridge. He would always fight because it wouldn't be in his nature not to. The only people who could break Harry are in this room right now. That's because he could never fight us, and he'd let us break him. It's something we should all think about."
With that she walked right out, quickly followed out by the rest; save Ron Weasley.
Their footsteps echoed through the door in the silence.
Weasley glared around the room until his eyes settled on Black who flinched under his gaze.
"Ron," Black started weakly.
"Harry needed you, Sirius," Weasley cut in brutally, "and you weren't there. Now he doesn't need you anymore."
Black took in a sharp breath as if Weasley's words were physical strikes towards him.
Weasley looked like he wanted to say more, but visibly held himself back.
He, too, then strode out of the room, paying no mind to his mother's feeble attempt to call him back, flanked by the twins.
The kitchen was thick with guilty silence. No one dared to meet each other's eyes; for the children's words had hit home quite harshly. Severus followed Dumbledore's gaze downwards as he stared uncomprehendingly at Potter's wand still at his feet. He made no move to pick it up. Instead he sunk down back to his chair and closed his eyes as if he couldn't bare to look at the wand any longer.
The hush remained unbroken for a long while, each lost in their own thoughts, their failed actions.
It was nearly an hour later that anyone actually stirred, everyone having eventually sunken into their seats when the clock chimed midnight and brought Christmas Eve on them that they made a move out of the dank kitchen.
McGonagall left first with Lovegood, followed by Moody and Shacklebolt. Lupin had to guide out Black, who seemed even more defeated than before. The remaining Weasley's made their off to bed as well. Finally, only Severus and Dumbledore remained. Severus tried many times to speak but nothing adequate came to mind. Unable to think of anything he too left the kitchen and made his way out of Grimmauld Place.
It was only when he got to his quarters at Hogwarts that he remembered that he'd never given Potter the potions he'd brought for the boy. Taking them out of the pockets of his robes he placed them carefully on his apothecary table and thought about the last words Dumbledore had whispered dejectedly as they'd made their way out of the kitchen.
"Merry Christmas."