A/N: Oh, I'm sure you're going to absolutely love the end of this chapter. Wink, wink.

Avengers: Age of Ultron | Saviors | Forgetting Troubles

The strawberry scented suds slowly trickle down Avery's back as the warm, near cold water drenches her body. She scrubs and scrubs and scrubs and little harder each time until her human skin is almost raw and blotchy, she can't seem to get rid of the dirtiness she sees on herself every day. She doesn't cry, but traitor tears silently fall against her pale cheeks.

Yesterday was like hell; not only was she forced to relive her most terrifying nightmares that constantly plague her, but other issues that should have been long forgotten have risen to the surface once again. It's like the universe never seems to want to give her a break - doesn't she deserve one? But then, all those people she's maimed and killed over the years come rushing back to her - this is her punishment, for something she can't fully control.

There's one thing that always comes back to her above the rest, though - why didn't she just end it all? Everyone would have been safe; hundreds of people would be alive today if she hadn't existed. When her scattered memories came back all those times before, why hadn't she just given up her life to save countless others? But in her heart, she already knows why she kept going. This is for two reasons…

James and Steve.

James Buchanan Barnes, the love of her life, her soulmate. Steve Rogers, her younger twin. Even though she was sure all those times before that they believed her to be dead, she couldn't give up. It's probably why she started remembering a lot during her time as the Winter Soldier. There aren't too many triggers, unfortunately, but memories of her two boys are always the ones that start to bring her back. And even though she has all her memories back now - she still doesn't feel complete. She feels cold and empty, like she can't be loved by these two people she's known her whole life.

Yes, both her boys have stated more than several times that her past doesn't matter to them - that the things she's done or caused are the fault of Hydra and not herself, she just can't fully convince herself of that. And she doesn't think that they really can fully forgive her, even after knowing them both for so long. She can remember the shock and disbelief her brother felt the moment she mentioned the Maximoff twins being part of her doing, and she knows, deep down, he can't believe it to be fully true.

And at that; she knows that if he or James ever fully witnessed or imagined the more terrible things she's done in the past, they wouldn't be so quick to say otherwise.

But at the same time, she truly wants to believe them. She wants what her old life consisted of; the loves James expressed to her. She longs to be held, to be told everything would be okay and that this is just a rough patch in this dreadful, painful life.

Honestly, she's just utterly confused about everything.

Ava twists the water knob on the wall to end the waterfall above her head. She drains as much water as possible from her hair before stepping out of the shower, standing on a furry bath mat underneath to stop the floor from becoming soaking wet.

Looking up from her spot, she stares at herself in the mirror plastered on the wall.

There stands a young woman with old, dark eyes glisten with a hazel tint. Her hair is long and dark, a thick solid black but a few lines of a dirty brown begin to peel through. Her skin is pale, but still has some sort of a tan mixed in so it doesn't look like she spends all her time indoors. Avery can almost see herself change in the mirror, standing next to her is a mirror self of the old her. A young girl with bright adventurous eyes that always sparkle in the light, her hair ties into a braid that starts from the top of her head and makes its way down her back. The old her just screams content and happiness whereas this new her, it screams the complete opposite - fear and helplessness burrow deep beneath a cold and hardened exterior.

Another fear deep in her heart is that when James finds out that she loses her ability to have children, that he'll leave her. She wants to believe deep down again that he won't, but she learned all too soon that her eyes and heart can't be fully trusted again.

'But that's not me…' Ava thinks painfully in her head, thinking back to the old her, blinking to keep away the tears. 'I'll never be like her again.'

With a sigh and a large newly wrapped fluffy towel now around her body, she opens the bathroom door. She thought the bedroom would be empty since when she went in, no one was around. But is proved wrong when she halts in her spot, finding herself looking over at James.

At that moment she opens the door, Bucky looks up. He has been sitting on the double bed, his hands locked between his legs, looking deep in thought.

After a moment of silence, Ava finally mumbles. "What are you doing here?" She questions, wondering why he's sitting there as if he's waiting for her to come out.

James bites his lip for a moment in silence before replying. "We need to talk."

Before he comes into the room, waiting for Ava to finish in the bathroom. Laura talked to him; Clint's other half. It was her that pushed him into finally getting the answers he so dearly needs, and some very needed advice on how to get through to the woman he loves.

Ava just shrugs. "What about?" She counters, not reacting at all even as she stands in front of him with nothing but a towel on.

"You…" he pauses. "Me." He has been noticing how much she's been avoiding the kids; which in some sense, he can understand. When she started to open up a bit more, she mentioned that kids were killed because of her. Maybe they remind her of that?

But it isn't just that, he needs to put whatever she's fearing to rest. Just like Laura said, he needs to prove to Ava that he's going to be always there for her. That he won't run away when things get tough. He needs to prove to her he loves her more than anything else in the world.

But what he wants to do the most is to clear the air. She might not realize it, but he can sense the tension she holds every day, everything that's built up inside of her begging to come out.

"Ava," he starts, getting up from the bed with an exhaled breath. He starts moving towards her, and luckily she doesn't move from her spot. "I'm not going anywhere," he states. "I'm not running and no matter how hard you try, I'm never going to leave you." His tone becoming hard, wanting to get through to her properly.

Avery keeps looking at him, her eyes connecting with his. She can see the hurt brewing in those beautiful eyes of his, the pain he's feeling when he sees her in pain. But most of all, just in his words alone she can sense something she truly does remember from being just Avery Rogers all those years ago. Love.

"There's something bothering you," he continues. It isn't just all the soul she's had to take since her 'death,' there's something more. He wants to know…he needs to know. "Please, just tell me," he pleads, a crack in his voice apparent. He just wants her to trust him like she used to. All these secrets she's kept buried inside of her; if she doesn't do something soon, he could explode and he can't let that happen. He can't risk losing her again.

Avery turns away, gripping at the towel around her body tighter, she doesn't want him to see the slowly accumulating water appearing under her eyelids.

"Just like I told you back before you saved me from drowning…I'm with you until the end of the line, Avery." Tears begin to appear in his eyes. "I'm never going to leave you alone."

Some tears finally make their way down her cheeks, she sniffs, raising her head to the ceiling as if trying to keep even more tears from pooling over. Suddenly there's a silence, a deafening one where you can't even hear a damn thing.

Suddenly Ava starts to speak, her tone soft but her bottom lip wobbles, she's trying really hard not to crack. "Not only have I-" her voice does happen to crack. "Have I-murdered a lot of children." She can't bare to look at him, the dozens of faces flashing before her eyes, the pools of water now trailing down her cheeks. "But I-I…" she clears her throat before bucking up the courage, turning around to face him. He's listening intently, his eyes now fixed on her own again. "I can't have any of my own."

"What?" James suddenly breathes, as if he feels a punch in the gut, wondering if he has heard right.

"That's the big secret. I can't have any children of my own, James," she tells him in a stronger voice. He stands there as if he's processing what's being said to him. She sniffs deeply. "It was one of Hydra's punishments after I started to remember the first time," she begins to explain, not being able to stop herself. It's now that she'll find out whether James will stay or not, this is the make or break time. "They figured that…that if you and Steve were dead…and that if I lost my ability to have a baby that…that I would stop fighting, that I would remain the Winter Soldier for good." As she blinks, several more drops of salty water run down her cheeks. "They didn't account for the fact that I would just keep on fighting anyway."

James just stands there for a moment; fully contemplating everything. Avery can't have kids anymore; Hydra ripped the ability away from her as punishment - at this, anger bubbles deeply in his veins at the thought. Is that what she's worrying about? About whether he would care too much to want a child than to have her still by his side? If it comes down to having a child of his own or Ava, the answer is plainly obvious. He'd want his Ava and nothing else. He loves her with every fiber of his being; no one can take that away from him. And if they can't have a child of their own like they planned all that time ago, then he doesn't care, they'll figure something else out. And it's not like they are in the position to have kids anytime soon anyway, especially with all the crap that's gone on lately.

Without another word of internal discussion, he dispenses the gap between him and Ava, getting close enough so he can grasp her face gently between his hands. She jumps slightly, startled by the gesture and the human contact, but doesn't react violently to it. She has obviously thought that he'd go storming out, never wanting to speak to her ever again. But she's wrong; he'll never, ever, do that to her, ever!

"Avery, I don't care if you can or can't have children," he tells her softly, wanting to get through to her once and for all. He wants his Ava back and he's more than determined.

"But-"

"No," he stops her. He looks deep into her eyes, and she stares back into his. "I love you, Avery Lola Rogers," he says in a loud tone trying to get through to her, startling her, but lowers his voice once again as he continues. "Avery, please stop fighting me on this. I'm never going to let you go and I'm never going to stop loving you."

"You're not going to leave me?" She speaks in a delicate sort of voice, like her mind is finally being pulled back together, all because of this one man in front of her. Realization and acceptance are starting to flash within her orbs - the things James has been so desperate to see.

"Never," he whispers, and it's just then, that both realize just how close they are in proximity. Their noses are nearly touching, James slowly strokes Ava's cheeks softly and their breaths are heated - both hearts start pumping faster and their eyes never break the connection, a swelling emotion brewing deep within.

And suddenly, time doesn't seem to matter. Nothing else on this Earth seems to matter at this moment. Because just then, their lips crash together in a very heated, passionate kiss and the towel held around Ava's body, drops to the floor in a puddle.

One thing leads to another…and Ava knows right then, there is no more doubt in her heart.

James will never leave her, and that's more than she can ever wish for.