Star Wars Episode VII: Return of the Force: Chapter 15: Star WarsEpisode VIII: The Force Bites Back: Chapter 6: Star Wars Episode IX: The Feral Flump: Chapter 2: I Fud-dun Rucked Up
The main characters were still on the planet Dillards. Sheesh.
"I am Brian" the blue man said as he emerged from the purpol portal. "I am the god of the force. I created it. It's mine baby."
"Who is this guy?" Luke barked.
"I'm Brian… god of the force, dude." Brian said.
Chithy Cith, Dithy Dith, Jaim'zy, Jaim'z, and Luke all looked at this weird man in confusion.
"I can't believe this!" Chith said.
The man held up his big beautiful blue hands and said "One-y and a two-y and a three-y four" He siad. Two beams of white light appeared in his hands (KINDA LIKE A LIGHTSABERTS)
"Lets get it on" Brian continued.
Luke, Chith, Dith, Jaim'z all jummed at the big blue man and we've got trouble.
"Singy wingy dingy dash, I've got a pineapple in my ass" Said the light sombos as they hit eachother.
Brian did fifteen backflips and landed on a guy in the food cout (the guy Jaim'z shot with hus gun) "check this out" he said quietly but everyone could still here him,
Brian sort of like touched his forehjead and fifteen square kilometers of planet dillards imploded in on itself, cratered for miles. The bits and pieces of gamestops and khols and shit shjouldve slid into the abyss, but the guts and bits of people and monsters kept it all glued together in a big red mess, slippy and sloppy and sticky. (gross)
Princess Leia was back in her palace making some bagel bites.
She tripped on something sticky and sl;ipped and fell "shit" she daid.
Brian staresd at his opponents from his corpsy perch
"Who are you?" Asked luke
Brian hit luke with a rock in his head and he went to sleep
Brian was ready to kick ASS and made thousands of ghouls out of the bits and pieces of the crushed mallgoers, they scrambled across the debris towards our heroes dripping sticky slop and making a big red mess.
"Oh jeez" excalimed Jaim'z "thisa isnta lookinga good" (gungan impression) Dith scowled
"Wow that was a great impression of a gungan!" Cith said
"Thx :)" Jaim's replied (Dith scoweled harder)
"Did you really think you could beat me!?" Brian said atop his monstrosity of a mountain while shrugging his shoulders and holding up his hands as if someone asked him a question he didn't know the answer to. (He was smirking too btw :/)
"Who is he?" Luke said in his sleep.
Brian extended his arms. "Listen here you beautiful bitches. I'm going to fuck you up with the truth." He said.
Everyone watched in awe as Brian began to float like Criss Angel. (His dick IS out btw)
"I am the god of the force… that much has been established to the reader... But what I am here to do does not concern any of you." Bryan said confidentially.
"What… do you mean!?" Dith and Chith said at the exact same time before looking at eachother and blushing a lil bit.
"The universe is a big mangled mess." Brian said. "When I created the force, it created life. An entire univers full of organisms to live and prospor."
"Uh huh" Jaim'z said (see hes getting it)
"However, everytime life thrived, there would be imbalance in the force. Jedis, siths, diths, chiths. Its all so freaking annoying. So everytime there was an imbalance I OBLITERATED the universe and started over from scratch. You all are the 7th incarnation of the universe the force built." Brian said said.
"Wowee" Dith said.
"However you have all gone on longer than the previous incarnations. You have kept the most balance for the longest ammount of time than any of the previous ones. Alas, this is still an imperfect system. So I've decided to go about it a different way." Brian continued.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a sound of fity sonic booms erupted from above Briand, and a big grey neural blur struck him directly down, actually hit Brian
To an excellent vocal choir chord (cool) Darry emerged from the rubble, head crest a full eight stories tall, eyes insane and furious.
BRIAN exclaimed darry, I wouldve stepped on you sooner but I had to wait for the planets to align so i could jjump
"Fuck" mumbled Chicth "Darry"
Brian exloded like a big sphere around himself; he was standsing upright! (Big scarey!)
He seemed to teleport directly in front of Darry and grab his big alien face with his moscular hand "ouch! Said Darry.
Brian throws him arouynd like the avengers, like when hulk throws around that evil guy. And he {brian] says "filthy kaminoian." (to darry) and walks away as darry lied on the ground. He wasn't unconscious or nothin, but he was just sad and embarrassed…
Luke rolled over on his side and sucked his thumb like the piece of shit that he is.
Chipgrip was playing with some bug on the ground when suddenly he realized chapstick fukkin died when brian did that big mangled mess. He got said and continued to play with the bug but he said nothing.
Brian was walking towards the two jedi (Chith and Dith), the one shooter (Jaim'z) and the 1 asleep one (luke). And he was pissed.
"So as I was saying, I have a master plan to balance the force since y'all messeed it up so bad." The army of slopped up robots formed around him to make him look scary.
"Instead of just eliminating this universe, I decided to try something new. And it will be a lil bit of fun too, hee hee" Brian said. "I am going to eliminate every tray of imbalancness of the force starting from the begging." He continue, "Y'all fucked up. I was going to nail it this time, but you went to planet Dillards instead of the fourth moon of JCPenny. So now I have to start all over." Chith remembered that he was the one who wanted to go to Dillards when he easily could've suggested JC Penny. He winced and cried.
"The beginning?" Our heroes all said.
"Yes… from the very beginning… Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantum Manace." Brian said witha giggly smile on his blue ass face.
"Not if we have anything to say about that!" Dithy said.
Brian lifted the two Darth Vaders (Left vader on Right Vader's body and Right vader on Left Vader's body, who were on the right and left respectively; frustrating for them) and slammed them into each other. With his good use of the force he melted them into a signle Darth Vader chosen one ooze and tossed the glob of screaming flesh-stuff into the throbbing bloody mass below
With a KUUUU SHHHH Twelve enormous titanic Vaders rise from the mass of flesh and guts and eyeballs and bones and elbows and little bits of teeth and shit and bullshit and ignited huuuuuuuge lighsombos and we've got big trouble. (in little China)
OH FUCK I forgot to mention something. Remeber when Leia was making bagel bites? Yeah King Solo was there too. So yeah fuck off.
2 b coont