Giver35

Whispers echoed through the cave and roused me from sleep, and immediately I felt every bone in my body stiffen, ready for an attack.

"Quiet," my uncle said.

My eyes met his in the meager light and I nodded once, afraid to move or breathe and alert them.

"They're leaving," he said, his voice low and calm.

Girl, who I hadn't realized had curled up behind me, lifted her head and settled it onto my side. She exhaled hard and groaned, but lay still against me. I was thankful for her company.

Slowly pain returned to my skinned knees and damaged hand and for a fleeting moment I thought of how my uncle had lied to me, knowing that it wouldn't always hurt. Every nerve in my body knew lingering pain, every memory in my head familiar with both physical and mental torment. The young girl sent to sew up my injured hand had scalded herself with boiling water once she finished, preferring pain and blisters to my flesh against hers. Humiliation knifed through me and the tears I refused to shed poisoned me within.

I hated what I was on the outside and feared what I felt inside. Thoughts rattled through me, unbidden and dark, evil. I wanted them to die—and I had a desire to kill them. They deserved it, I reasoned, an eye for a miserable, cruel eye.

I watched the shadows play along the walls and listened to the people who had decided to flee in the night. They had been forced near me by my uncle's demands I had seen the terror and trepidation in their gazes, the way they looked at me as though I were a wolf in shadows.

A wolf, I imagined, would have prided itself on creating such intense fear. Perhaps I was not a wolf at all—or I had not yet found my true soul as a predator. My canine companion evidently shared my sentiment and released a growl, which forced my eyes up. Several feet away, a man stood and glowered at me.

Like the animal I longed to become , I bared my teeth and heard him grunt in response.

"He sleeps with a bitch," he said under his breath as he shook his head. "An ignorant, disgusting bitch at that."

His words knifed through me. I tensed, feeling something I had rarely ever felt before: the need to protest, to defend myself. If I was a beast, then I sure as hell would live up to my unbidden reputation.

"Damn it," my uncle mumbled. He rolled onto his side and sat up before I could move, and the swiftness of his actions gave me pause. "There is nothing that binds you to us," he said. "Leave at once if you cannot bear to be in his presence."

The man regarded us from a safe distance and inhaled sharply. "There are a great deal more of us than there are of you," he said smoothly.

My heart raced as my fears slowly became reality. They would not leave in peace and I had a feeling we would not depart easily either. I sat up, following my uncle's lead, and put a protective hand on Girl, who had started to growl. The sound rumbled through her as a warning to the rest and the man standing closest to us took a step back.

"Control your dog," he ordered.

"Which beast do you fear?" I asked.

The words came unbidden, but I refused to back down. If I were to be a monster, I would play the part both inside and out. Far too long I had sat idle, sat waiting and alone. Far too many nights I had been humiliated, shunned and powerless. Years had passed and I had no control over how others viewed me, but the opportunity had eluded me.

Until now.

I wanted to growl at him, wished I could turn into an animal with fur raised down my spine and a snarl exposing canines. I wished I could stalk this man, back him into a corner and rip out his throat. More than anything, I despised being only partially human. This was a setback to what I could have been, if God had made his monster correctly.

The man wrinkled his nose. "You are an odd, unsound child," he said with a humorless laugh.

Girl crouched lower, her growl rumbling louder, barely controlled. Fear crept into the man's gaze as he eyed her and his trepidation amused me.

"You fear the wrong beast," I said as I stood and started toward him.

"Damn it, Erik," my uncle hissed. He somehow managed to stand and step in front of me, cutting off my path to what very well could have been my own suicide. He threw out his arm and clubbed me in the chest, the blow jarring me. It didn't hurt, as he hadn't hit me hard, but it startled me greatly and I reacted at once.

My eyes never left the man who had challenged me, and for a moment I failed to realize I had allowed my reflexes to trump my sense. It wasn't until someone in the shadows gasped that I realized I had knocked my uncle to the ground.

I stared down at wide, uncertain eyes. His expression was unreadable and it took a moment for it to register. I looked from him to the man who had backed away, rejoining his family. They stared at me for a long moment in silence as I stood before them with my chest heaving and conflict boiled within me. I looked them over one by one, saw the hesitation in their eyes and in their movements as they swiftly gathered their belongings and shuffled away.

And then I heard his harsh breath and a groan as my uncle knelt before me, his strength diminished, his face drawn and haggard. Gone was the strength I had craved to find within him. He stared at me for a long moment before he finally bowed his head and refused to look at me.

Once my heart rate slowed, I offered my hand to him, but he refused. He sighed and shook his head.

"You are stronger than you look," he said. "Alarmingly so, Erik. You must be careful."

The others milled from the cave, their packs slung over their shoulders and consternation in their wary gazes as they studied me. I wondered if they thought I would follow them, stalk them like a predator in the night. Their retreat gave me a deep sense of satisfaction I had never known before and I smiled inwardly. There was something inside of me I had never known existed, something I would never forget.

"Erik," my uncle said sharply. "You will get yourself killed, do you hear me?"

He had risen to his feet, but his shoulders remained hunched. His face was ashen, his stance guarded and for one fleeting moment, I wanted to beg for his forgiveness and tell him I was sorry for my outburst. In the next breath, I refused to back down, refused to be beaten again. Never again, I thought to myself. I would fall on my knees for no one.

"You," I said, glaring at him. "You are fortunate they didn't slit our throats in the night."

My wolfish nature seeped through as I challenged him. We stared at one another, two males grappling for the same title. I had no idea why I wished to challenge him, save for I was a boy on the verge of manhood, but I refused to back down.

"They made no such attempt," he said smoothly. "But you gave them reason to fear."

"Good," I said.

"Is this what you want?" he asked. "Is this what you crave? To be the beast of nightmares?"

My eyes never left his, and I smiled widely, my chest heaving, blood thrumming through my ears with deafening satisfaction. I had been given so little in life, and yet I felt as though suddenly I had received more than I had ever known. This was the wolf shedding its sheep's clothing. I was no lamb; I was indeed the vicious lupine laying in wait.

"Perhaps this is my true self," I said.

His face darkened. "For your sake I hope it is not."

"My sake?" I questioned.

"You don't even see it," he said under his breath.

I stepped toward him, my movements quick and purposeful. "I have seen enough," I said through my teeth.

He shook his head. "Tonight, my son, you have been blinded," he corrected.

My anger boiled within me, but he walked away. I started to follow him, but paused and looked around the empty cave. The fire had died down to almost nothing, the orange glow dancing along the dark, suffocating walls. I searched the emptiness, heard the echoes of footsteps in the distance and my own harsh, angry breaths.

I blinked several times before realization set in. Anger turned to desolation and I sank to my knees and examined my injured hand, which didn't bother me nearly as much as my aching heart.

Once again I was alone and I understood what my uncle had meant. I had been blinded my anger and now I suffered the consequences. Perhaps it should have made me take a step away from myself, but like I coward I stepped inward and embraced the wolf, the beast waiting for me.

So be it, I thought. I would survive on my own. Soon enough I would have to and as an ignorant youth I had no qualms about starting at once.