A/N – Sorry for the delay, I went on a vacation for a week and my plan to write the next chapter before the trip failed miserably LOL. I will try to write two chapters this week to make up for the delay, let's see how that goes…
Thank you all for your constant reviews and support and suggestions :-) it always makes my day to read them. A guest reviewer asked if Arizona knows that Mark is Sofia's father, yes she does, it was covered at the beginning, in chapter 3 ;-).
at MondlerFanKay I'm not sure I will write another scene about Sofia crying after Arizona, I wrote that while Arizona was still in hospital, not sure I want to do another one…
Several of you mentioned some memories about Mark, yes I already had it planned ;-), as for other suggestions I will see which one I'll get the inspiration for :-). Looking forward to reading your reviews for this chapter…
Again, any medical stuff, I try my best but I might as well be inventing it LOL ;-)
CHAPTER 13
WEDNESDAY CONTINUED
The morning was slow, Alex had already finished rounds with the residents early in the morning, Arizona wanted to be there as well but the first few days they wanted her to work from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Arizona protested but in the end she agreed to play by the rules, now she was sitting in the Attendings' lounge, going through the charts preparing for the surgery Alex was going to perform at 11 and she was going to assist. Arizona felt slight nervousness in her abdomen, it was going to be her first surgery after a long time, she wasn't afraid but this surgery was important for her self-confidence and she felt the heavy load of its significance on her shoulders. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply to ground herself. You got this, she repeated mentally in her head.
"Hey," she heard a familiar voice behind her, the voice that has been causing a different type of reaction in her abdomen for the past month. She turned around and was met with a bright smile that washed away all the nervousness in an instant. Arizona smiled back as she got lost in Latina's brown orbs.
"Hi," she said and swallowed the saliva that developed in her mouth. Stop drooling, she thought to herself as she felt her breathing become shallower when Callie wrapped her arm around Arizona's waist and kissed her cheek softly.
"How's your first day going?" Callie asked, a broad smile still covering her face.
Arizona heard the question but was completely mesmerized by Callie's body standing close to her own.
Suddenly the door of the lounge was pushed open and Alex popped his head in snapping Arizona out of her daze.
"I'll go escort our patient to prep, and I'll see you soon," he informed.
"Okay, see you in the OR," Arizona said and turned her head to Callie.
"Nervous a bit," she said remembering what Callie had asked her.
"It's normal, I always feel a bit nervous when I don't operate for a few days, even coming back from a vacation, the first surgery is always just a bit different from the routine."
Arizona smiled, it was amazing how this woman knew exactly what to say.
"You got this," Callie said and squeezed Arizona's hand as a joyful giggle filled the room.
"What's so funny?" Callie asked with an intrigued smile.
"Oh it's just, I was mentally telling myself that same line just before you came in," Arizona explained as her eyes met Callie's eyes. "Do you always know the perfect thing to say and do to calm me down?"
Callie laughed "Most of the time," she said and winked at Arizona. "Are we still on for the dinner tonight?"
"Definitely, I've been looking forward to that," Arizona said with a smile. "How is Sofia doing?" she asked trying not to show the disappointment and jealousy that overwhelmed her earlier that morning.
"Mark stopped by this morning and had breakfast with her and we walked to work together. He goofs around with her a lot and she loves it. It's always nice to hear her giggle and laugh out loud," Callie commented as her eyes sparkled.
Yeah, as opposed to the crying screams I cause her to have… Arizona thought as she again remembered the scenes of happy Sofia in Mark's arms and Callie smiling at them.
"I have a full day so I'm not sure I'll be able to catch you again but in case you need something you can always page me," Callie said softly noticing the distant look in Arizona's eyes but pegging it to the upcoming surgery.
"You'll be awesome today, I know it," Callie encouraged again.
Arizona smiled as she let their eyes meet. "Thank you," she whispered and felt Callie's hand squeeze her own. How is it possible that her eyes are causing butterflies in my stomach but her hand is soothing my nerves at the same time?, Arizona thought as she analyzed the way her body responded to the Latina.
The sound of Callie's pager suddenly filled the room and Callie sighed, "I have to go, let me know how it went."
"Sure," Arizona said and nodded her head.
"Rock that OR!" Callie said as she took a few steps back without turning around. "I want Karev to come find me later and tell me, 'Your wife was badass in the OR today!"
Arizona laughed out loud. "Deal!" she said and waved at Callie as she watched the broadest smile leave the room. She sighed and spent a few more minutes going through the chart before she headed to the OR as well.
When the surgery started, it only took Arizona ten minutes to get back to her old self. Karev watched in awe as she kept one step ahead, instructing him what to do. They had agreed to do it that way, Arizona would be the mind and Alex would be the hands behind the surgery. Alex was confident Arizona could do the surgery on her own but neither of them wanted to step on the Board's toes, at least not yet. Alex did let Arizona make the first incision knowing how important the first cut after such a long time was, and when he saw Arizona's hand tremble he caught it and addressed her with confidence.
"You got this Robbins."
Arizona smiled and remembered Callie's voice saying the same thing. Her hand steadied before she made the perfect cut and soon after, it was like she had never left the OR at all. Half way into the surgery they were working together in perfect sync as Arizona assisted. Suddenly Alex lifted his head and spoke.
"I need help here so time to get your hands dirty Robbins."
Arizona raised her eyebrow and looked at him, "No you don't, you can do this with your eyes closed," she replied.
Alex shook his head lightly in disbelief. He looked at Arizona and spoke again, "I'm holding my finger on a possible bleed and you have two free hands so it's better you just do the repair instead of us trying to switch and jeopardize the patient."
Arizona leaned forward and looked at the open chest, there was no sign of any possible bleed so she lifted her eyes and gave Alex a baffled look.
Alex rolled his eyes and stared at her completely relaxed, he raised his eyebrows and Arizona finally caught on.
"Oh," she said and chuckled, "right... sure," she finally said as she asked for tools she needed to perform the repair. Alex smiled as he watched his mentor go into full surgeon mode and skillfully perform the procedure. Fifteen minutes later he had to lift his head up as the stern voice from the com filled the room.
"Johnson is on her way here so I suggest you immediately switch before you both get suspended by the Board," Bailey said as she stared at both of them, her voice unrelenting but a small smile of content finding its way in the corners of her face.
"Right," Alex and Arizona said in unison and switched back to Arizona assisting and Karev finishing the repair.
A few minutes later another voice came from above, "Dr. Robbins, Dr. Karev, it seems like everything is going smoothly down there?"
"Yep, going great, we are almost finished," Alex informed nodding his head.
"Wonderful, welcome back Dr. Robbins," the woman said as she continued to observe from above.
"Great job you two!" Bailey added with pride and smiled at the two Peds surgeons when suddenly the doors to the OR slammed open and Jackson entered covering his face with a mask.
"Hunt sent me, we have an incoming trauma, child involved, we need you Karev!"
"I still have my hands in this child's chest, I can't…" Alex started explaining and looked up at Miranda whose hand was already pressing the com button.
"Dr. Robbins, go with Dr. Avery, I'll be right down as well!"
Arizona looked at Alex and he simply nodded, "Go, I can finish this alone!"
Arizona took off her surgical gown and her mask and hurried out with Jackson.
When they reached the ER entrance Hunt, Yang, Meredith and Callie were already there.
"Okay, on my count," Arizona heard Cristina yell and then saw Callie turn around from her patient and get up quickly.
"Yang, stop! Do not move her!" Callie screamed and all eyes turned to Callie, including Arizona's.
"Blood is filling her chest as we speak, I need to get her to the OR!" Yang yelled back.
"Her collarbone is fractured! One wrong move and you might transect the subclavian artery!" Callie explained as she reached the patient in a blink of an eye.
"How the hell am I going to perform an open heart surgery on her with a broken clavicle!?" Yang asked as she watched Callie trail her fingers over the woman's collarbone.
"I'll put it back in place and do a figure-of-eight splint and come deal with it after you're done, I need a general surgeon to help me, Hunt!" she yelled, "And somebody get me a wide bandage!"
"I'm a bit busy right now Torres!" Hunt yelled pushing his hands against a patient's chest, checking the pulse and then counting with another set of CPR pushes while Meredith bagged the air into patient's mouth.
"We need to get him to the OR now! Clear the entrance!" Meredith yelled as they pushed the patient inside the hospital.
"I can help," Arizona yelled as she ran towards Callie while April handed Callie bandages at the same time.
"Okay," Callie said and took a bandage. She lifted her head and met Arizona's eyes. "I'll push the clavicle back and hold it in place and you'll need to do the splint."
"Got it!" Arizona said with determination as she felt adrenaline rush through her body.
Callie smiled at Arizona for a split second before she went back to full work mode. Arizona watched in awe as Callie's fingers inspected the bone again and then in one swift motion pressed the bone back in place as she lifted the patient's shoulder slightly with her other hand.
Arizona immediately moved closer and started wrapping the bandage around the shoulder, focused completely on the task in front of her but still aware of the closeness of Callie's body as Callie's warm and quick breath caressed her neck. Their hands worked perfectly in sync as Arizona kept on wrapping the bandage around the injured side then over to the other shoulder and then back again, her heart skipping a beat every time she accidentally touched Callie's hands as Callie had to remove them to allow Arizona access and then place them back on the patient to make sure the bone stayed in place. Just when Callie completely removed her hands off the patient the sound of another ambulance overwhelmed the area.
"Dr. Robbins, this is the child," Jackson called and Callie moved to her right and leaned slightly onto Arizona.
"Go, I'll finish this," she said and smiled, "great work!" she added as she continued to wrap the bandage around the patient.
Arizona smiled back and rushed to the other ambulance. She heard Callie in the background, "You're good to go Yang, let me know when you are done," as the paramedic started giving them information about the newest patient whose cries echoed around them.
"Eight-year-old girl, blunt trauma to the chest, leg broken in three places, dislocated shoulder, possible abdominal bleeding, BP 90/55, it has dropped on the way, heart rate 135."
"Callie," Arizona called, "I need you here as well!"
Callie immediately rushed to the other ambulance "What do you have?"
"Leg fractured in three places, dislocated shoulder, possible abdominal bleeding, I will need to open her up, can the fractures wait?"
Callie examined the girl's leg and shoulder. "The leg can wait, the shoulder not so much, you'll need her torso in natural position for the surgery."
"What's your name sweetheart?" Callie asked softly as she caressed the girl's hair.
"Sam," the girl said, "I want my mom, where's my mom?" she asked through tears.
"Your mom needs surgery, I need to fix your shoulder and we don't have time so it's going to hurt, can you count to three with me?" Callie explained, her eyes conveying comfort to the little girl.
"Okay," the girl nodded, fear visible on her face.
"Here, squeeze my hand, it'll be fine," Arizona offered and the girl took her hand.
"Okay, let's count, one…" Callie started.
"Two," the girl said together with Arizona and Callie and then screamed with pain as Callie quickly pushed the shoulder back into its socket.
The girl lost consciousness from the pain as Arizona gave Callie a questioning look, "You said count to three."
"It's better to do it when they are not anticipating it… hurts less," Callie informed with a smile as she placed the girl's arm down slowly. "Careful with that arm," she instructed and then had to lift her head as loud noise came from the next ambulance which revealed a scene of one man attacking another one inside it while the paramedic was trying to break them apart. Callie rushed to the ambulance and pushed the attacker onto the paramedic's seat.
"What the hell! This is an ambulance! Back off!" Callie yelled while Arizona watched in awe as Callie tackled the man in the ambulance.
"He drove straight into my family, my wife was getting my daughter into the car and then he just hit them with full speed, without even hitting the breaks, son-of-a-bitch, I will kill him with my bare hands!"
Callie pushed him down again, "Calm down will you, your wife is in surgery and your daughter needs surgery as well."
"Sam! Where is she?" the man suddenly asked with fear in his eyes.
Callie pointed at the gurney that Arizona was pushing towards the entrance and the man immediately jumped out of the ambulance.
Callie heard Arizona explain to the man the status of his daughter as she proceeded to check on the man still in the ambulance.
"Drunk driver, they are the worst," the young paramedic stated coldly.
Callie observed the patient and approached him. She lifted her hand and showed him four fingers.
"How many fingers do you see Sir?" she asked.
"Fmbft," the man mumbled.
Callie reached for her penlight but it was not in her top pocket.
"Dammit!" she cursed and turned to the paramedic. "Do you have a penlight?" she asked.
"Yeah, what for? He's drunk!" the paramedic replied.
"Give me the fucking light!" Callie yelled and the paramedic handed her the pen quickly, confusion and slight fear visible in his eyes.
"Was he conscious when you got to him?" Callie asked as she checked for pupil reaction.
"Yeah, he kept on mumbling incomprehensibly."
"Any groans of pain?"
"Groans?" the paramedic asked.
"Yes, when people are in pain and half conscious, they let out painful moans or groans!"
"Umm, yeah he groaned, kind of like his head was hurting."
Callie pushed the man's arm up and when she felt no resistance she was sure of her diagnosis. "He's not drunk you idiot, he's had a stroke!" Callie informed and laid the man down on the gurney. "Help me get him out and inside the hospital!"
"Crap, I thought he was drunk! My mentor was busy with the little girl and sent me to check on this guy, I assumed he was drunk."
"What's your name?" Callie asked.
"Paul," the paramedic informed with his head down.
"Never assume, Paul!" Callie said as they stepped down.
"I will never do that again!" Paul replied.
"Good! Now let's go inside and get him some help," Callie said and rushed the gurney into the building. As soon as the door opened she heard Bailey's voice.
"Clear the hallway!" Miranda instructed as she approached Callie. "Talk to me Torres!"
"He caused the accident, looks like a stroke and he lost control of the car, page Amelia!"
Bailey took her pager and paged the neurosurgeon. "Wilson! Edwards! Come with me, let's take him to OR 3, Amelia will meet us there."
After handing the patient, Callie sat down and took a few long breaths, adrenaline still rushing through her body. She closed her eyes and suddenly remembered everything Arizona was doing outside.
"Arizona…," she whispered and got up immediately, she walked to the schedule board to see the operating room where Arizona was performing her surgery, very possibly flying solo. Callie didn't doubt Arizona could do it perfectly but she was worried that it was all a bit too much for her first day. She rushed to the OR 1 gallery holding her breath, She'll be fine, you'll do fine Arizona, she repeated in her head as if trying to send telepathic encouragement towards her wife. When she reached the gallery, Callie stopped in her tracks as she saw Alex already sitting there observing the developments below.
"Karev, why aren't you down there?" Callie asked as she came closer and looked down.
"Because she doesn't need me," he said with a smile. "She's got this," he added and directed his eyes down to the OR again.
Callie smiled broadly observing Arizona in her full focus mode, her hands skillfully moving inside the girl's body making it seem like she was fixing the bleed effortlessly.
"She's got this," Callie repeated in a whisper and sat down.
"She's back, with flying colors, Peds is gonna kick everybody else's asses now!" Karev said with satisfaction and made Callie laugh out loud.
"We have another reason to celebrate," Alex said with a smile. "Barbecue at my house on Saturday, kids and all, big family celebration!"
Callie smiled, "Great, we'll be there!" she said before her pager sounded and she threw one more glance at Arizona before leaving the gallery.
It was 7 p.m. when Arizona's phone started ringing in the kitchen. Alex saw the name of the caller ID and opened the line.
"Hey Callie, Arizona left her phone in the kitchen let me just get upstairs and find her."
"Sure, no problem."
"Who left this gurney in the middle of the hallway people!?" Alex heard Bailey yell in the background.
"You're still at the hospital?" he asked.
"Yeah, got held up with the mom, Yang's surgery was longer than anticipated and I needed to fix her clavicle and then another trauma came in just as I was about to leave, multiple fractures, I have to stick around," Callie explained as she heard Alex knock on Arizona's door.
There were a few seconds of silence and then Alex whispered.
"She's asleep, do you want me to wake her up?"
"No, no, let her sleep, it was a big day for her, I'll send her a message."
"Okay," Alex whispered and headed back downstairs.
"Did you get to speak with her?" Callie asked.
"Yeah, we talked for a bit, she was happy, she kept on talking about the day, about the surgeries, how great she felt to be back to business, oh and apparently you look hot when you're being totally badass," he informed with a chuckle.
"What?" Callie asked in surprise.
"She told me all about your badass performance when the three ambulances rolled in, according to her description you tackled the man twice your size, maybe you should consider professional wrestling as an alternative career."
"Oh shut up, Karev!" Callie protested as Alex laughed out loud.
"She said I looked hot?" Callie said in low voice.
Alex smiled, "Yep, multiple times, I don't know if she was more impressed with you fixing the bones on the fly or exerting your wrestling powers."
Callie rolled her eyes and smiled, "Thanks Karev, I gotta go scrub in."
"See you tomorrow, oh you know, Ortho Goddess would totally work as your stage name!"
"My stage name?" Callie asked with baffled tone.
"For the WWE stage!" Alex clarified.
"I'm leaving now Karev, bye!" Callie said and heard Karev laugh out loud before she ended the conversation. She rolled her eyes again but couldn't stop a smile from covering her face after hearing what Arizona told Alex about her.
Several hours later Arizona woke up and looked around the dark room, she sat up in bed a bit confused and turned the light on. She looked at her wrist watch.
"Crap!" she exclaimed and searched around for her phone. "Dammit, how did I fall asleep like that? I was supposed to have dinner with Callie and Sofia." She ran her hand through her hair and slowly got up. She looked for her phone in the bathroom and then headed downstairs to see if it was in the living room or the kitchen. The house was in the dark and it seemed neither Cristina nor Alex were awake. It was a busy day for everyone, they probably passed out quickly too, Arizona thought as she yawned and stretched her arms up. She saw her phone lying on the kitchen table.
"There you are," she whispered and picked it up. She smiled when she saw a message from Callie.
~ I heard (and saw) you were badass today in your solo surgery, well done! I am so proud of you, I knew you would do great! :-) I got held up at the hospital and have another emergency surgery tonight so unfortunately we have to postpone our dinner. I called, but Karev said you were sleeping and I told him not to wake you up, you need to rest for tomorrow. Mark picked up Sofia so don't worry, she will be fine as well. :-) ~
Arizona's smile quickly turned into a frown reading the last part. "It was supposed to be my evening and not Mark's!" she stated with anger and disappointment. She sighed and directed her mind back to Callie. She remembered her ortho moves fixing the patients in front of the ER and how she fearlessly tackled the man in the ambulance, but most of all she remembered Callie's breath on her neck and the closeness of her body as she stood next to her. Arizona closed her eyes for a few seconds letting her senses go back to that moment and she smiled again. She took her phone and started typing a reply.
~ I can't believe I slept through the whole evening, I was just tired from all the excitement of the day. It felt so great to operate again :-) but it was quite overwhelming too, so my body and my brain both needed to regenerate. Too bad we didn't get to celebrate together, maybe tomorrow evening? Looking forward to seeing you at work tomorrow :-). ~
Arizona took a glass of water and went back upstairs. She sat on the bed and got lost in thoughts, she couldn't stop her mind from going back to the scene from the morning, Mark accompanying Callie and Sofia to work, all three of them laughing and having a good time. Her heart sank as her eyes got misty, and she couldn't stop thinking about Sofia happily giggling in Mark's arms that night as well when she was supposed to give Sofia a bath, play with her and put her to bed… The more she thought about it the more she realized she was missing both Callie and Sofia.
She felt weird. Sitting there alone in a silent room felt weird and lonely, and she realized that over the past days whatever she did she felt like something was missing. She wondered what Sofia had for breakfast every day, she wondered if she screamed happily while taking the bath and clapping her little hands on the surface of the water and she missed seeing Callie's smile witnessing the moment... God how she missed Callie's smile... she sighed heavily and got under the covers again hoping her body was tired enough to fall back to sleep because she didn't like this feeling of loneliness that was overwhelming her senses.
THURSDAY
Next morning Arizona came to the hospital looking forward to seeing Callie there, hoping to see her soon, needing to see her. As she approached the building she looked around hoping she would appear at the entrance, or step into the elevator before it closed and felt disappointed when neither of the things happened.
She entered the Attendings' lounge and was surprised by a bunch of staff members throwing a small celebration and welcoming her back. Her eyes scanned the room hoping to catch the gaze of the soulful set of brown eyes but they were nowhere to be found. Arizona smiled politely at the doctors and nurses around her but her heart ached as the only person she wanted to see was not there. The staff soon dispersed and she went to find Karev to start her day giving her phone one last glance hoping a reply from Callie would arrive but her phone stayed silent and dark, no new activity to illuminate the screen.
At lunch Arizona scanned the room and when she still didn't notice Callie, her heart sank. She missed her, she really missed her and she started wondering how it was possible to have such strong feelings about someone and not remember them. She looked at her phone but the reply to her last message was still not arriving. She walked up to the daycare to check if Sofia was there, she smiled seeing her play with other kids but she decided not to disturb her. She only had a few minutes and she wasn't sure she could take Sofia's tears when she had to leave so soon. She went back to Peds ward and debated whether she should send Callie a message or not. Suddenly her pager sounded and made a decision for her. She put her phone back into her pocket and rushed to Karev. Alex informed her about an incoming trauma as they scrubbed for surgery and before she knew it her mind was absorbed in the procedure as all other thoughts disappeared.
Two hours later she took off her scrub coat and leaned on the wall.
"Great job Robbins!" Alex said and patted her shoulder. "Go home, it's already well past your scheduled shift, I'll finish up the paperwork."
"I'm not too tired, I can do the paperwork as well," Arizona protested.
"I know you can, but how about you start that next week. Take it easy, your body and your brain are suddenly on overdrive and these first two days have really been intense. You need to rest! I don't want you sleeping on Saturday afternoon, it will be party time! No napping allowed!"
Arizona laughed out loud and nodded her head, she knew her body would crave the bed the minute she arrived home. She decided to walk to the Ortho ward and try to find Callie before heading home but her search fell short again. Arizona walked towards the exit wondering why Callie hadn't sent her a message yet. Before stepping out she lifted her head and noticed Dr. Bailey standing at the counter, going through the digital charts and she decided to go and check if Callie came to work that day.
"Dr. Bailey," she addressed as she came closer.
"Arizona! What are you still doing here? It's way past your shift!"
"The surgery ran long, I'm on my way home now, I just stopped by Ortho to see if Callie was there, have you seen her?"
"I gave her a day off, she had to stay late into the night yesterday and I saw her this morning when she dropped off Sofia with Mark, so most probably she's been catching up on some sleep the whole day."
"Okay, thanks," Arizona said trying hard not to think about the fact that Mark shared another morning with Callie and Sofia but failing miserably.
When she came home she took a quick shower and sat on her bed staring at her phone now feeling a bit angry that Callie found the time to have breakfast with Mark but didn't have time to send her a message. She started typing a new message but then realized that she should probably get some rest before she wrote something that she might regret. She sighed heavily and let her body drop onto the pillows.
Three hours later it was already 9 p.m. when she woke up, she looked at her phone and there was finally a message from Callie.
~ Sorry, I started typing a reply to you this morning but Sofia spilled the juice all over the table, so I had to take care of that and then we were already late to drop her off at daycare. I came home and fell asleep on the sofa, I don't even remember when I moved to the bedroom but I just woke up now in bed so I must have moved at some point. Yesterday was so exhausting, I hope I get to see you at work tomorrow. ~
Arizona looked at the time when Callie sent the message, 5:45 p.m. fifteen minutes after she got under the covers. She sighed heavily and cursed at the bad luck. If she had stayed awake just a bit longer they could have had dinner together. She stared at the clock on her phone, 9:10 p.m. That's not too late, and I really want to see her… Arizona thought and started typing,
~ Are you awake? Can I stop by? ~ she pressed send and went to the bathroom to wash her face and wake up. Whether or not Callie said yes she was going to Callie's apartment. She needed to tell her that she misses her, both her and Sofia and she was not going to wait until their date the next day to tell her. She couldn't wait anymore, she wanted to see Callie, she wanted to talk to her, let herself get lost in those beautiful brown eyes. She walked back to the room and looked at her phone.
~ Yes, I'm awake, shouldn't you rest? ~
~ I slept from 5:30 until now, I'll be there shortly. ~ Arizona wrote with determination, she wasn't going to give Callie any chance to protest and try to talk her out of it.
~ Okay, see you soon. ~ a reply came when Arizona was already on her way out the door.
Callie was sitting on the sofa, reading the medical journal when she heard a soft knock on the door. She looked at the clock.
"That was fast," Callie commented wondering what was suddenly going on. She opened the door and immediately asked.
"Arizona what's going on? Is everything okay?"
Arizona looked at her puzzled a bit as to why she thought something was wrong.
"Arizona?" Callie asked again moving to the side so Arizona could enter.
"Sorry, no, everything is fine!" Arizona quickly said and stepped inside. "I just… I wanted to see you… you weren't at work today so I got worried…"
"I sent you a message and explained that I spent the day sleeping."
"Right, yeah… you did…," Arizona commented as she sat on the sofa.
Callie observed her and noticed something was off.
"What's going on, Arizona?" she asked again and sat down next to her wife.
A heavy sigh from Arizona's lungs filled the room and suddenly Callie felt heaviness in her heart.
"What is this about?" Callie now whispered unable to prevent fear from finding its way inside her head.
"I…" Arizona started but her voice got stuck in her throat. She swallowed hard and turned towards Callie.
"I miss you… I miss both you and Sofia… I was sitting all alone in my room yesterday and today and it felt so lonely, and all I wanted was to have dinner with you and Sofia, and give her a bath, put her to bed, I just… I miss you both so much and I would like to come back. Live with you, I don't want to feel lonely anymore."
Callie sighed, this was not what she expected… she was not prepared for this… And even though her heart was skipping beats her head was sending warning signals. Her mind went to their little girl sleeping in the room down the hall and she looked at her own hands. She swallowed hard before she spoke.
"Six days ago you told me you needed to go away, that you needed some space to figure this out and that living with us was too fast for you, and now you want to come back. We have a child Arizona, I just explained to her several days ago why her mama wouldn't be living with us any more, now you want me to again explain to her that what? It was just a joke, that mama didn't mean it… And what happens in ten days if you again realize that you can't do this? Sofia needs stability and this is not stability. Tonight was the first night she did not scream and cry calling for you before going to bed. I love you but no, I'm sorry, I will not put Sofia through this, she needs to come first and we need to protect her as much as possible in this whole situation. Take some time to figure things out and if you want to come live with us, I want it to be because you know you belong here, or you want to belong here, but not because you freaked out after feeling lonely for one night."
Arizona looked down and nodded her head, she stayed silent, there was nothing she could say, she didn't have the arguments to contradict Callie, she was a mess, she didn't know who she really was and she realized she wasn't being fair towards her own child. She couldn't go in and out of Sofia's life, it would be so confusing for Sofia.
Callie sighed and closed her eyes trying to calm the beating of her own heart. It was as if it pumped faster wanting to get her attention, as if it was screaming at her to pull Arizona closer and wrap her in a protective embrace and forget about all the doubts and fears, but Callie was a mom first and she knew that deep down Arizona understood, her Arizona would do the same thing, her Arizona would do everything to protect their little girl. Heavy silence filled the room as they sat there, close, each leading her own inside battle, each debating whether to reach out and close the few inches of space that separated them. Suddenly Sofia called from her room and broke the silence.
"Mommy," a cry reached their ears and Callie immediately got up to go see her. Arizona wanted so hard to go with her and Callie caught the look in her eyes, she gasped because that look about Sofia… that was her Arizona, she had the familiar loving and protective look on her face. Callie's heart ached because she knew it was not a good idea for Sofia to see Arizona.
"I should go check up on her…" Callie whispered, "how about we figure out a day you can stop by for a visit, spend some time with Sofia, maybe we can all have dinner or something."
"I would love that," Arizona whispered.
"Okay…" Callie said in low voice. "And we still have our date tomorrow," she reminded softly, "we said we would date and take things slowly, remember?"
"Yeah," Arizona nodded her head and forced a smile. A few moments of silence filled the room as Callie debated whether she should listen to her heart and get closer to Arizona, put her arms around and pull her in.
"I'll let myself out," Arizona whispered as her bottom lip trembled.
Callie's heart sank seeing Arizona like this and she finally walked over and placed her hands on Arizona's hips.
"Arizona, I do love you, I love you so much, but Sofia needs to come first."
Arizona nodded her head, "I know, and you are right, I hadn't thought this through, it's just… everything is so messed up and confusing, and I have all these feelings… I just want to feel normal again, I want things to go back to normal…"
"I know," Callie said and pulled her in for an embrace. She wrapped her arms tightly around Arizona and inhaled the scent of Arizona's shampoo. She closed her eyes and let her senses enjoy having Arizona in her arms. Sofia called again and Arizona pulled back slowly.
"Go, and please give her a kiss for me as well."
Callie smiled, "I will," she said as she placed her fingers under Arizona's chin and lifted it up. She leaned forward and left a soft lingering kiss on Arizona's lips.
"Goodnight," Callie whispered and turned around.
Arizona stood there for a few seconds tracing her fingers over her lips watching Callie walk to Sofia's room before she finally whispered "Goodnight" as well and left the apartment. Thirty minutes later she was sitting in her rented room, feeling empty, feeling lonely again, all she could think about were Callie and Sofia and she longed to be close to them, every day, she had no idea what to do but one thing was suddenly clear to her, she was falling in love with Calliope Torres. She was falling in love with her wife, and she should be happy about it but instead she felt worried and afraid that Callie was slowly slipping away…
A/N – I won't drag this forever, I promise ;-). One of the guest reviewers suggested Arizona needed to see Callie being her badass self, I hope you liked what my brain came up with :-). Okay, people, now it's your turn to comment ;-).