RAVEN'S PERSPECTIVE
"I can't do it."
Beastboy was in front of me, sleeping on the medical bed. He still broke out into night sweats and felt feverish. I tried to meditate to calm my nerves, but failed.
4:13 A.M.
Soon, the blood tests results would be finalized and presented.
My body was saturated with sweat, and queasy pangs filled my stomach.
All of the other Titans were soundly slumbering and I was up fighting mental battles.
"I really don't know why. I still can't meditate, dust must be collecting my books by now." I whispered to Beastboy, although he was sleeping.
"We are all worried about you, Beastboy. I mean... you haven't done any pranks or made runs to the Comic Book stores. Yeah, you've told jokes and smiled but,"
I felt his warm forehead, my lips angling into a frown.
"I know deep down that you are afraid. You are hurt. You feel miserable. The fights we had, the rude stuff I said. I'm sorry you feel this way because... you don't even deserve it. You don't deserve any of the stuff you are forced to go through."
A tight twinge developed in my chest. The sensation caused my limbs to go almost numb, and I began to lose touch with reality.
My anxiety, the anxiety I coped with through mediation and reading, was resurfacing like a violent storm. Without my coping mechanisms, my mind, psyche, and emotions were more vulnerable and sensitive. I never had an anxiety attack before, but I guess everything has its first.
'Trust that I'm okay.'
"I-I want you to be okay."
The uncomfortable burn grew in my chest, and I let out a fragile whimper. My heart was racing, my mind was clouded, and I could only hope, that soon, the unbearable feeling would pass.
Only a few more hours until we find out.
He has to be okay.
No, he can't be.
With so many weird symptoms in such a short period of time?
He's okay.
He's still smiling.
He's still laughing.
No... he isn't.
I've known him for too long to even let that thought cross my mind.
He's strong.
He can't move a muscle without wincing.
He's okay, he actually ate today and felt strong enough to shower.
No, no, no, he isn't okay, he threw up four pints of blood and ran another fever after that.
He's not okay, no matter how much I want him to be.
My breaths turned into short wheezes, which barely allowed me to cry. I had so much stress, exhaustion, and pain I wanted to release.
"I tell you everything will be okay, when I don't believe any of it myself. It hurts so much, Gar, but I am telling you that I would take all of that pain away in a blink. Because..."
The salty tears that ran down my face fell into the corners of my lips as I spoke.
"I love you."
For some reason, those three simple words, made me feel at peace again.
BEASTBOY'S PERSPECTIVE
'I love you.'
I opened my eyes slowly.
After my vision adjusted, it made out Raven who was on my left side.
I questioned, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
She pulled her hood over her head. Whenever she did that, something was bothering her.
"Raven?"
"I'm fine, Beastboy. I'm fine."
Raven's eyes, which were swollen and damp, avoided mine.
I didn't have the strength to debate, though I knew the girl wasn't okay like she insisted.
I glanced at the noon sunshine, wondering when I would be able to be under it again. I sat a few minutes in silence until the other Titans entered the Room.
"Hey, you slept straight through the night."
Cyborg trotted in with a bothered face, and with a clipboard in his hand.
"Sure did. Something feels really off about it, though. Maybe it's the fact that I slept through it. I guess I got used to being a night owl and not missing stuff, hehe." I chuckled nervously.
"How're you feeling?" Robin asked, his tone seemed different.
"Decent, I guess."
Starfire came from the Analysis Sect, and I waved at her.
She waved and smiled back weakly.
Starfire greeted, "Well, good morning. Good afternoon, rather."
"Sooooooooo, what do you guys have planned for today? The movies? Action-packed butt kicking? fixing leaks?"
The atmosphere was extremely tense, so I made an effort to ease it.
"How come you knew I was awake? I was only awake for two seconds and all of you bombarded in here." I quizzed.
"Sleep monitors. They watch when you fall asleep, any interrupted patterns, and when you wake up." Robin stated.
Seemingly, the sun appeared to darken as time went by.
"Ahhh, nifty." I smiled.
"Yeah, we just wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible." Robin cleared the crack in his throat.
My eyes blinked back tears.
I widened my smile to keep the emotion covered.
"I feel kinda hungry, am I allowed to go out and eat something? I'm tired of tofu and pizza."
"I don't know, Beastboy. The results we have here suggest you do otherwise." Robin seemed discouraged, and the Robin I knew, was never discouraged. At least from what he let us see.
"What do you mean?"
"We ran through the Blood Smear and found that..." Cyborg's voice shook.
"There are too many immature white cells in your body. The Complete Blood Count showed you have a lower than the average amount of red cells and platelets so..."
Robin gently touched Cyborg's shoulder for support.
Starfire turned away and walked to the corner.
I was sure that at this moment, looking at Raven wouldn't help a thing.
"The swollen armpits, chest, and neck, have lymph nodes. The cancer cells build up and cause the nodes to become swollen and tender," Cyborg continued.
"The decreased production of platelets are known as thrombocytopenia."
"Without enough platelets to stop bleeding you, bleed a lot," Robin added. "Blood vomiting is caused by something called gastrointestinal bleeding, where bleeding forms in the gastrointestinal tract, from the mouth to the rectum. The cancerous cells in your body cause the body to release chemicals. These chemicals motivate the brain to raise your body temperature so there are the fevers explained,"
I heard a sniffle from Raven, then I felt even more tense.
"Night sweats are often associated with blood related cancers. The crowding of too many white blood cells is the reason why your joints and bones hurt. Lots of bone marrow is present in those areas. The headaches, seizure, vomiting happens when the can intrude the cerebrospinal fluid in the brain and spinal cord. I think this may have spread to the chest too because it causes you to cough and feel short of breath, correct?" Robin glanced at me.
"Mhm."
I couldn't fathom any of this, and I didn't wanna hear it either.
"With that being said,"
Cyborg's voice wavered again. He was trying so hard to keep his composure together, but tears began to brim in his eyes.
"We found out what type of cancer you have."
Cyborg shook his head, pursed his lips. He couldn't continue, so Robin did.
"Leukemia. By what we have here it is Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, or acute lymphoblastic leukemia."
"Okay. And that means..." I tried to make sense of the information.
I hoped I was still sleeping in a nightmare, but too bad I was living one.
Robin declared, "'ALL' is the most fatal type of leukemia."
Raven broke into a sob, got up from her seat, and walked into the hallway.
Starfire made her way after the demoness to comfort her.
My eyes widened in shock.
"You're kidding."
Robin replied, his voice merely a whisper, "I wish I was."
"I don't want to be like this!" I snapped.
"I don't want to be weak. I don't want to be stuck in bed. I want to eat, I want to fight bad guys, I want to be myself. But I can't because I am so sick." I hissed.
The room fell silent before Robin continued.
"We have to do a bone marrow biopsy, and flow cytometry, or lumbar puncture, cytogenetic tests and the like to get a deeper understanding of what your body needs. I... hope you won't be like this forever."
I held onto either side of my head, attempting to suppress the frenzy of emotions.
"Hopefully, all of the symptoms did not spread to all of the organs just yet. With this type of Leukemia that probably happened before we detected it. We have to do staging and stuff quickly because without a fast diagnosis, this thing can take you out in a matter of months." Robin asserted.
"I am sorry we threw all of this at you."
Cyborg walked towards me and gave me a bro hug.
"It's okay." I hugged him back, choking back a cry.
"We wrestled with the results since eight this morning."
"It's okay, man, it's okay." I pat his back a few times.
"Is it though?" Cyborg eased away.
I smiled again, even brighter than the last time.
"It will be."