Baghra kicked me out of her hut the following day.

And the day after that.

And the day after that.

It had been almost a week since I arrived in the Little Palace and still, I wasn't able to reach my power, let alone summon at will. Going to Baghra's hut every morning was becoming rather a torture for me –I'd be very much happy to do extra training with Botkin instead of suffering in Baghra's hands.

"Being a Shadow Summoner is not about wearing a black kefta." Baghra would say to me every time I failed. "It's about being one with your power."

When she had seen my new kefta for the first time, she had rolled her eyes at me. "You should first earn it –earn to carry that colour." she had muttered under her breath. "He is flattering you too much."

Even though she was as hard as a rock on me, I knew that she was doing her best to help me achieve my true potential –that's why I could never get angry at her for her words. I could see the sadness falling onto her blue eyes whenever I left her hut on the verge of tears because of another failure.

Meanwhile, I was trying to find an answer to my problem in the library –I was spending nearly all my time reading. Even though I overmuch enjoyed learning new things and reading various books, I was not able to find anything that could help me solve this problem within myself, which was somehow preventing me from reaching my power.

The funny part was the fact that I still didn't know what the problem itself was. Even Baghra was not able to understand what the hell was wrong with me. Whenever she held my hand, I'd create an absolute spectacle with my shadows but the moment she wasn't amplifying my powers, the shadows disappeared.

Other than that, everything was going well in my life. I grew stronger every day and I could see that Botkin was pleased with my improvement. Though I was nowhere near beating Iwona, I was beginning to predict her upcoming moves during our combat training and every day it was becoming harder for her to beat me.

The other day in the library, I met a strange man called the Apparat. He was a priest living in the Little Palace who dressed in brown, ragged robes. He had dark eyes that gave me creeps when he set them on me; a long, dark beard; and a mouth full of crowded yellow teeth with black, wolf-like gums. He also had a disturbing scent: he smelled of mildew and incense.

The Apparat tried to start a conversation with me while I was reading a book about Amplifiers –the topic had been my main focus lately and I wanted to learn everything I could about the Amplifiers. When he saw that I didn't want to talk with him, he handed me a red book and opened a certain page.

"If you're interested in Amplifiers, Miss Nørgaard, then you should first read about the man who created the most powerful of them all." he told me before leaving me alone.

The red book's name was Istorii Sankt'ya, which was Ravkan for The Lives of the Saints. Apparently, it was a children's book about Ravka's thirteen Saints, which wasn't really for my taste. Though I still took a look at the page the Apparat showed me.

It was the story of Sankta Ilya in Chains and even after reading it multiple times, I still didn't have the slightest idea what Sankta Ilya had to do with the Amplifiers. Then, I decided to forget about the Apparat and the children's book he had given to me so I simply put the book inside a drawer in my room.

During my free time, I was mostly hanging out with Iwona, Anita, Radoslaw and Leon. I wasn't counting Shura on purpose because I never wanted to hang out with her but since I was near her friends most of the time, she had to be around one way or another. I was trying so hard not to hate her but she was giving it all to make me despise even the sight of her ginger hair and her frustratingly beautiful face.

Everyone knew she was jealous of everything I had –my position in the Grisha Order, the uniqueness of my powers (which I couldn't even summon, sadly), the black kefta I wore and my importance for the Darkling. To me, it seemed like she was eager to forget the fact that she had been the one sleeping with the Darkling despite all the special attention I had been getting. In this case, I had to be the one to be green with envy but it was just the opposite.

Speaking of the Darkling, he hadn't returned yet. According to what Iwona had told me earlier that week, he never stayed much in the Little Palace –he would ride between the northern and the southern borders as he led the Second Army.

I knew something that would definitely cause him to stick around for a while; however, it required me to somehow manage to summon at will. Once I was able to do that, I'd have to work with his shadows, which meant that he had to be around for that.

Whenever she had the time, Celina would find her way to me and the two of us would gossip for hours –especially at night when everybody was fast asleep. She'd tell me all about the stuff happening in the Grand Palace and I'd complain to her about Shura and about my problem with my powers. She had become my very best friend and I wish we could spend more time together.

"I don't think he is interested in Shura anymore," Celina told me while she made my hair into a messy bun. It was a Saturday evening and I was going to meet my friends by the lake –we were planning on drinking some kvas and talking about random stuff. Since I was not allowed to leave the Palace Grounds –apparently, the Drüskelle were still searching for me –my friends had to stay here when they wanted to spend time with me. "You would understand my point if you had seen the way he kept her around before you came here. She would never leave his side when he came to the Little Palace."

"So is that why Shura hates me? Because the Darkling lost his interest in her when he found out about another Shadow Summoner?" I asked Celina as I raised an eyebrow at her, which she saw from my reflection on the mirror. Tonight, she had let her blonde hair down and she looked just pretty that way.

Celina shrugged carelessly, "I don't know whether it is because of what you two share in common or because of your beauty but one thing's for sure: he has his eyes on you now."

Her words immediately brought a lighter shade of pink to my cheeks. "Shura is a million times prettier than me, Celina." I spoke with a jealous tone. "Plus, she has real curves –have you ever seen her naked?"

I had joined Iwona, Anita and Shura in the banya the previous day and I hated to admit that every single Grisha around me had a perfect body. Then there was me –I freaking stick with some small budges.

"No, I haven't but I get your point." Celina spoke and patted me on my shoulder, which meant that my hair was ready. I stood up from the chair. "Don't get jealous, though –Shura is a million times prettier than everyone. It's not something personal against you."

I rolled my eyes at her words, "Gee, thanks." I said sarcastically. "That made me feel a lot better."

Celina and I parted ways after leaving my room –she had to go to the Grand Palace and I was going outside. However, during my way to the lake, all could think about was Celina's words. She really thought that the Darkling was all over me and I found her opinion quite important since she always told me the truth. She was not like Iwona, who would always tell her friends what they wanted to hear, not what they needed to hear.

Even the slight possibility of the Darkling being interested in me set the butterflies in my stomach free –which was probably the biggest sign showing that I was finally ready to leave Evan behind and move on. Not that I had any real feelings for the Darkling –I had only spent two days with him, after all –but it was for a fact that I found him attractive.

Well, everyone found the Darkling attractive, so it wasn't something unusual.

Leon's green eyes shone when he saw me walking towards them in my black kefta. "And here comes my favourite Grisha!" he said, causing Shura to roll her eyes at his words.

I sent him a small smile as I sat down between Anita and him –as Iwona had warned me, Leon was constantly hitting on me but I had also seen that he was constantly hitting on ten other Grisha as well. If he hadn't been a playboy, I would probably consider dating him but in this case, I was just flirting with him occasionally –simply to have fun.

"Did you start the party without me?" I asked, imitating a broken tone. Iwona handed me a glass filled with kvas.

Radoslaw shrugged, his left arm was wrapped around Iwona's waist. "We grew impatient of waiting for you, moya tsaritsa."

I showed him my middle finger and brought the glass to my lips. I didn't really like how kvas tasted, I preferred drinking wine but kvas was quite easier to find around here. As I was about to take a big sip from my drink, Anita hit the bottom of her glass to mine and sent me a small smile.

"Ne zalost!"

[Translation: "To your health!" (Ravkan)]

[Time Skip]

Radoslaw and Iwona were lying on the grass watching the stars, Shura was playing with Iwona's brown curls, Anita was fast asleep with her head on my lap and I was watching the lake as I placed my head on Leon's shoulder. It was near midnight; hence the weather had got considerably cold but kvas was keeping us warm.

"How many boyfriends have you had so far?" Leon asked me with a low voice, we had been talking about random stuff for the past half an hour. A few seconds ago, he told me that he had lost count of the women he had kissed, which didn't surprise me at all.

"Just one," I responded as I brought my third glass to my lips –half of it was already finished.

I raised my head to look into Leon's green eyes upon hearing the unbelieving tone in his voice. "Just one? Do you expect me to believe that?" he said with an arched brow.

I shrugged carelessly, "My life back in Fjerda was nothing like you think, Leon. I wasn't allowed to meet new people." I told him. "I had a strict father and I don't like talking about him."

Leon nodded in an understanding manner. "Alright, then I'll go on with my cheesy questions." he said, causing me to giggle silently. "Have you slept with someone before?"

"Why am I not surprised to hear this question?" I spoke while rolling my eyes. "Yes, Leon –I have slept with my ex-boyfriend."

He raised an eyebrow as he asked with a cocky tone. "Won't you divert the same question at me, Val?"

"No, I won't, 'cus I can already tell the answer." I responded, which caused him to let out a silent laugh. I took another sip from the kvas in my glass. We stood in silence for a while, then I heaved a sigh. "I wish I could understand the problem with myself."

A frown appeared on Leon's face, the wind was messing with his blonde hair. "What problem?"

I closed my eyes, "I cannot reach my power," I spoke with a low tone, though everyone here knew that I couldn't summon at will yet. It wasn't something easy to hide for people would occasionally ask me to summon my shadows just because they were curious. "If Baghra wasn't an Amplifier, I'd probably begin to doubt whether I really was a Shadow Summoner."

Leon wrapped his left arm around my shoulders and squeezed my left shoulder in a friendly manner. "Don't give away to despair, Val. You've been Grisha for just a week, go easy on yourself." he whispered in my ear. "It took us years to master our powers, you'll need some time as well. This is a natural process but you have to believe in yourself first."

A sincere smile formed on my lips as I placed my head on Leon's shoulder once again. "Thank you," I told him with a soft voice. "I guess I needed someone to remind me that."

I could tell from his voice that he, too, was smiling. "Always, Val."

Yes, Leon was a hopeless flirt but he was also a good friend.

[Two weeks later]

December was approaching its end and as January was about to arrive, snow coloured the Palace Grounds white. Every time I saw the whitened grass and the frozen lake, I felt as if I was back in Fjerda again and it made me feel homesick. I had never thought I'd feel homesick for a place where I had never been really home.

I had expected my small talk with Leon to illuminate or at least inspire me but nothing had changed about my situation since that day. I was still unable to reach for the power within me and I was beginning to lose hope every passing day. Even Baghra was on the verge of giving up on me and I had no idea what I was going to tell the Darkling if Baghra slammed her door on my face.

I just didn't understand the logic here –my knowledge about the Grisha and Ravka was expanding each day, I was growing physically stronger but for an unknown reason, none of this progress had a positive effect on my struggle for reaching my power. I had even managed to beat Iwona several times –I had been training with Botkin for the last three days but when it came to being a Shadow Summoner, I wasn't able to conjure a single shadow.

It was driving me crazy, keeping me up at night and making me lose my appetite. I knew I grew paler after every passing day and that saying was something since I had naturally fair skin –I was beginning to look like a ghost. A ghost with raven hair and jade-green eyes who floated around in a black kefta.

The Darkling had finally returned to the Little Palace a few days ago but I hadn't seen him around much ever since. I didn't know what I was expecting to happen when he came back; however, I couldn't help myself but feel disappointed when he didn't even come to speak with me about my studies.

There was something that didn't make me upset about his return, though and it was the fact that he hadn't seen Shura either. I could never forget the way her blue eyes shone when the word of his arrival reached us; however, her excitement didn't last much. And this time, she couldn't act barefaced as she had done the night the Darkling left Os Alta, hence she didn't burst into his quarters either.

It was around five in the afternoon when a Corporalki wearing a red kefta with black embroideries approached me. I was standing by the stone well, around which the Darkling and I had properly met for the first time three weeks ago. Since it was Saturday, all my friends had gone to the town and I was left on my own but I wasn't the one to complain –I was so upset after another unsuccessful lesson with Baghra that I just wanted to be left alone.

"Miss Nørgaard," the Corporalki –the Heartrender, to be more precise –said as he stood in front of me. Upon hearing someone calling me, I stopped gazing at the frozen water inside the well and turned back to face him. He was a tall, handsome young man with bronze skin and wavy, brown hair and he looked somewhat familiar to me. "There's someone who wants to see you but moi soverennyi won't let him in the Palace Grounds before you confirm your acquaintance with the man."

Ah, now I understood why he looked familiar –he was Ivan, probably the Darkling's favourite Grisha. He was a part of the Darkling's personal guard but I wasn't sure whether he was considered an Oprichniki.

I nodded as I followed Ivan to the Grand Entrance. "Who does this man claim to be?" I asked Ivan. "Is he from around here? From Ravka?"

Ivan shook his head, "Apparently, he is Fjerdan –his accent gives that much away." he said, which caused a deep frown to appear on my face. However, his next words hit me like a wall of bricks. "His name is Evan Bjørnholt and he claims to be your… boyfriend."

I almost choked on my own spit.

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