I didn't go to dinner that day. The truth about my family had literally crushed me and since I had already been upset because of the Evan-incident earlier that day, all I wanted was to let it all go. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to worry, I didn't want to feel the pain –I just want to numb myself.

So I took the bottle of kvas standing on my dresser and I tossed it off –I brought the bottle to my lips and began to drink it hungrily. At that moment, the awful taste of kvas didn't bother me even the slightest. My mind was focused on getting myself drunk.

Of course, I was aware that my absence in the dining hall wouldn't go unnoticed, hence I wasn't surprised when Celina burst into my room. When she saw that I was not in the bedroom, she walked towards the bathroom with quick steps and she let out a scream as she saw me sitting inside the empty bathtub with a bottle of kvas in my right hand. Half of the bottle was finished already.

"Valkyrja, for the Saints' sake, what the hell is happening?" Celina literally yelled at me but when she saw that my eyes were bloodshot –I had been crying, again –her voice softened. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," I responded. "There isn't a single fucking thing that's going well in my miserable life."

Celina approached me with a sad look in her beautiful eyes, I knew it was hard for her to see me in ruins. "Why do you say so?" she asked and kneeled next to the bathtub. "Please, Val, talk to me –I can't help you otherwise."

I shook my head as I brought the bottle to my lips, "You can't help me either way, Celina." I said and took a big sip from the kvas. Its bitter taste caused me to grimace. "No one can help me."

"Let me be the judge of that, will you?"

"Fine," I muttered as I rolled my eyes at her. Then, I stood up inside the bathtub but since I was having trouble finding balance, Celina also stood up and held me from my upper arm to prevent me from falling. "Evan came here today to see me, we literally broke up, I found out that my mother's side of the family were Necromancers, so I am a Necromancer as well. Oh, and I also learnt that my grandmother put a curse on my mother, which didn't let her fall pregnant so she prayed the Saints for a baby. The Saints let my mother have me, then they also took her life while she was giving birth to me."

Celina carried a horrified expression, she opened her mouth to speak a couple of times but she wasn't able to find the correct words. I let out a forced laughter as I brought the bottle to my lips once again. "Yeah, Celina, be the judge of that." I repeated her words, then I added. "One more thing: I still cannot reach my damn powers." Pulling the collar of my t-shirt forwards, I cast a look inside. "Hello, Grisha powers, are you there?" I shook my head as I let the collar go. "Nope, still no sign of them."

The blonde-haired young woman pondered, her dark eyes were fixed onto my jade-green ones. After a few minutes, she shook herself and placed her hands on my shoulders. "Val, will you please wait for me in your bedroom nicely?" she asked me.

I raised an eyebrow. "I am already in my bedroom, Celina."

Celina held me from my empty hand as she took me out of the tub. "No, Val, you're in the bathroom." she responded and dragged me to my bedroom. After making me sit on my bed, she took the kvas bottle away from my hands and placed it on the dresser.

"Hey, I want that back!"

She ignored my objection and placed a small kiss on top of my head, "I'll be back before you know it, just don't do anything stupid, okay?" she said and left the room after seeing me nod. I didn't ask where she went, nor did I care about that. I just wanted to finish the kvas and cry myself to sleep, so I stood up and walked towards the dresser.

After taking the bottle in my hands once again, I sat down on the floor and leant the side of my bed. I still flinched whenever my conscience reminded me of the truth about my family. With a grimace on my face, I took another sip from the bottle.

I didn't know what to do anymore, I was completely lost and I couldn't find anyone to blame for that either. Everything was totally fucked up.

My head was buried between my knees when I heard the doors opening and then closing but I didn't care to look at Celina. "Celina, please, leave me alone." I spoke with a weak voice, which came out muffled. "There's nothing you can do, at least let me suffer in peace."

"Maybe there's something I can do."

/A few moments ago, in front of the war room/

Celina took a deep breath as she walked towards the Darkling's war room with quick steps.

Even though she didn't like the idea of leaving Valkyrja's side at such a time, she knew that the raven-haired young woman was right –there was nothing Celina could do for her except for letting Valkyrja cry on her shoulder. Sadly, the Queen would never let Celina spend the whole night with her little, Grisha friend.

When the Darkling had asked her about Valkyrja's whereabouts half an hour ago, Celina had simply shrugged and had told him that she had to be in the dining hall with the others. Then, the Darkling had wanted her to bring Valkyrja to the war room and Celina had gone to the dining hall –only to see Valkyrja's seat empty.

The blonde had asked Valkyrja's friends where the raven-haired girl was but they hadn't seen her either. In fact, the dark, curly-haired Etherealki had told Celina that they hadn't seen Valkyrja ever since the breakfast. Which, of course, had caused Celina to panic and she had run to her chambers.

The moment she had seen Valkyrja in the bathtub with bloodshot eyes and sensed that disgusting kvas smell all around her, Celina couldn't decide how to react. She had never witnessed the broken side of Valkyrja and she hadn't been able to help her either.

This is something beyond me, Celina thought as she stood in front of the war room with worry still visible in her dark eyes. He has to handle it.

"The Grand Palace is that way."

Celina heaved an exaggerated sigh upon hearing Ivan's voice from behind her. The Heartrender was giving her a condescending look as she turned back to face him. "Very funny, Ivan, now will you please tell the Darkling that I need to see him? Urgently."

"Yeah, sure, as soon as the war is over I might as well start taking orders from an Otkazat'sya." Ivan spoke sarcastically. Celina knew how much he enjoyed mocking her and normally, she would never let him have the final word; however, at that moment, patience was not a value Celina possessed.

So she literally shouted at the Heartrender as she pushed him back forcefully, which caused him to stumble backwards. "It is about Valkyrja, you asshole! She is not alright, so stop trying to needle me and do your freaking job!"

The look in Ivan's eyes would frighten Celina at a normal time but since she was feeling worried for her friend, she just turned her back to him. A few seconds later, the war room's doors were opened by the Darkling –apparently, he had heard the noise.

"What's happening here?" he asked with a hard tone and turned his grey eyes to Celina. "Celina, where have you been?"

"That's why I came here, moi soverennyi," Celina said, the worry in her voice was obvious. "She is not okay."

The Darkling sent Ivan a warning look before stepping back. "Come, we'll talk about this inside."

Celina's hands were trembling as she pushed a strand of her blonde hair behind her hands. The Darkling closed the doors behind them after the blonde-haired young woman entered the war room. She began to speak upon seeing the look on the Darkling's face. "She didn't go down for dinner at all. When I found her, she was sitting in the bathtub with a half-empty bottle of kvas in her hands."

The Darkling's slate-grey eyes widened.

Celina began to shake both hands as she paced up and down. "I… I don't know what to do, moi soverennyi. She told me about her ex-boyfriend visiting the Little Palace and her grandmother putting a curse on her mother..." she was accumulating. Then, she stopped pacing and looked into the Darkling's eyes. "What happened today?"

However, the Darkling ignored her question as he shook his head. "I shouldn't have let her read that journal." he muttered more to himself, then turned to the blonde-haired young woman. "Thank you, Celina, you may go now. I'll take care of Valkyrja, don't worry."

/Meanwhile, in Valkyrja's chambers/

The moment his deep voice filled my ears, I raised my head to look at him. He was standing in front of the closed door and as always, he had his black kefta on. This was probably the first time he was talking to me ever since he had returned to the Little Palace.

"W… What are you doing here?" I asked with a trembling voice as I watched him approach me.

The Darkling kneeled right next to me and with slow movements, he wiped away the tears running down my cheeks. I instinctually closed my eyes the moment I felt his fingers against my skin. "Have you been crying this whole time?"

As I opened my eyes, I turned my head away from him –I didn't want him to see my bloodshot eyes. I knew I looked awful. "I'm having a bad day." I muttered.

"I can clearly see that." he said and he sat down, leaning the side of the bed just like I was. I looked at him when he gently took the kvas bottle from my hands and brought it to his lips. "Tell me."

I felt too tired to roll my eyes at him, "Tell you what?" I spoke with a weak voice.

"Tell me what you have been trying to avoid facing," the Darkling said and motioned the bottle with his head, causing his jet black hair to move in the process. "By drowning yourself in this."

"I bet you've already heard about the show in the Palace Grounds this afternoon." I said as I tried to reach for the bottle in his hand but the Darkling held my right hand in mid-air with his empty one. Since I was wearing a t-shirt, his fingers were wrapped around the bare skin of my wrist.

He clicked his tongue, "No, no more kvas for you tonight." he said and gently put my hand down. "And yes, I have heard about it. I'm sorry you have to go through something hard, Valkyrja but he can't be a part of your life anymore –you know it as well as I do."

I took a deep breath as I nodded, of course I knew that. That was why I had been crying for the past hour.

After taking another sip from the kvas, the Darkling sent me a questioning look. "There's something else, though." he said. "Something you haven't told me yet."

"So you can read my mind now?" I asked sarcastically but I felt annoyed –he could always read me like an open book and this was beginning to disturb me.

The edge of his lip curled upwards in an attractive manner. "I have to admit how tempting that sounds but no, Valkyrja, I cannot read your mind." he responded. "However, I do read your emotions from your face pretty easily –years of practice."

I raised an eyebrow at the Darkling, "Years of practice?" I repeated his words. "You don't even look older than me, Aleksander."

"I'm one hundred and ten years old, Valkyrja."

My jaw dropped upon hearing his words, which caused him to let out a loud burst of laughter. I remembered how much I loved the sound. "How is this possible? I'm about to lose my mind today!"

The Darkling simply shrugged and finished the remaining kvas in the bottle. "Using their powers keep the Grisha young –once you begin to summon at will, you'll understand what I mean." he responded as he stood up and put the empty bottle on the dresser. Of course, he had absolutely no idea what kind of an effect his words had on me. Once again, I was reminded of how big of a failure I was.

I tried to stand up as well but my head was spinning so bad that I ended up falling down. If the Darkling hadn't caught me from my waist in time, I'd have probably fallen on my face. After helping me sit down onto the edge of my bed, he dragged an armchair in front of me and sat there. His grey eyes were telling me to start to explain that thing I was keeping to myself. So I took a deep breath.

"Do you remember the night by the well, when you told me you wanted to know what was special about me and I told you that I didn't know that either?" I asked him with a low voice and he nodded in return. "Well, I do now. I know the answer to your question but I wish I hadn't found out about that."

Then, I told him everything –about the purple journal Evan brought me, about the fact that I came from a bloodline with the most powerful Necromancers and about the reason why my mother had died giving birth to me. During that time, he never interrupted me –he simply listened to my words while his slate-grey eyes never left my jade-green ones even for a second.

When I was finished, I closed my eyes and fell down onto the covers of my bed. "I feel crushed, Aleksander." I said, my voice was lower than a whisper. "Saying goodbye to Evan was already hard enough to bear, then this came on top of everything. How can I simply accept that I am a Necromancer while I still doubt myself as a Grisha?"

I could simply imagine the frown appearing on his face just from the tone of his voice. "You doubt yourself as a Grisha? What does that suppose to mean?"

"I still cannot summon at will, haven't you spoken with Baghra since your return?" I responded with a question, my eyes were still closed as I laid on my back. I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks, it was a lot harder than I imagined; to tell that the Darkling myself –tell him that I was a failure and I was about to disappoint him.

My eyes slowly opened as I felt the extra weight falling down onto the mattress. The Darkling had stood up from his seat and was sitting to my right on the bed. With slow movements, he wiped away the tears with his right thumb. "Yes, I have." he said. "But that didn't make me doubt you, Valkyrja. I have never doubted you."

"But how, Aleksander?" I asked him as his right hand moved to my raven hair. He ran his fingers through my hair and even though I felt extremely sad, broken and totally drunk; my heart started to beat faster. I could never get used to having him so close to me, he always had that frightening effect on me. "It has been more than three weeks –three fucking weeks and I still cannot reach for that so-called power within me."

"I've seen and felt your true potential. I know what you're capable of and I believe in you, Valkyrja. I just wish you could believe in yourself, too." his deep voice reached my ears as his hand moved to my face once again. This time, he cupped my face with his right hand and began to caress my cheek with his thumb. "I want you to answer this honestly –what keeps you from reaching your power?"

I placed my left hand on his right one, his skin didn't feel as warm as Evan's but I never really looked for warmness in the Darkling's touches. Though, his touch would still make my skin burn. "I… I have no idea." I responded, the intense look inside his slate-grey eyes was making me feel dizzy –nope, it wasn't because of the kvas. "I have been trying so hard to figure that out myself while you were gone but even the library hasn't been much of a help at that point."

When he felt that I was caressing the back of his hand, the movement of his thumb stopped. "The answer you seek lies deep within yourself, Valkyrja. Of course you haven't been able to find it between the yellow pages of the old books." he said and then he held my hand, which was on top of his, to help me straighten. He withdrew his hand when I was sitting on the bed and I immediately began to miss his touch. "Even something small could be locking up your power –sometimes such things tend to seem trivial to us since they lie right before our very eyes."

The edge of the Darkling's lip curled upwards when he saw the look in my eyes. "I think you found something there," he spoke with a low voice as he leant into me, I could almost feel his warm breath licking my skin. My heart was beating so fast that made me wonder whether he could hear it as well. "Tell me, Valkyrja, what is it?"

"I… I have a fear of the dark."

Last night something extremely lucky happened -I got to join the zoom meeting with the Shadow and Bone cast!!!!!!!!!!!!! The first two mails about the event didn't reach my mailbox so I had no idea that I was, hence when I got the zoom link I started screaming like crazy ahahahaha

I saw them all and I still can't believe it, especially seeing Ben Barnes live on the screen while talking, laughing and sending kisses was the best part. He has been my crush ever since I saw him as Prince Caspian when I was a little girl and now, at the age of 19, he still is my biggest crush (: somethings never change

Anyway, enough babbling -I hope you've enjoyed the chapter, I'd be so happy to read your opinion in the reviews and thank you all for your interest in the story!!!