"The Roommates"
An "Inuyasha" FanFiction
REMINDER!
ALWAYS REMEMBER TO CHECK OUT MY PROFILE FOR IMPORTANT UPDATES ON ALL MY STORIES!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha, or any of the characters. I am writing this simply for entertainment purposes.
*!*WARNINGS*!*
This story may contain the following triggers/stressors:
-PTSD
-Cursing
-Alcohol/Drug Usage
-Adult Scenes
-POV Switching
-Mental Health Issues/Triggers
*YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!*
I'd like to take a moment to give a shout out to:
-Talawolfgirl : We are starting to get into some of the good stuff here. Kagome's story is coming soon...like maybe next chapter soon. Well, it's gonna start anyway. We have a lot of story still to go. We have to finish Inuyasha's...dive into Kagome's story...then we still have the other roommates to learn about...we have to figure out who this "Mora" person is...and we even have a little backstory on Rin still to come! Hang on tight, cuz it's gonna be a wild ride! Hopefully, I can keep you on the edge of your seat and continuing to want more.
Author's Note: Alright! So, we finished Chapter Two! Not as light-hearted as Chapter One, I know...but if you know anything about my writing style it should be that light-hearted isn't really my forte`, so to speak. However, there will be some more light-hearted moments to come. It can't be all dark all the time. We also still have a lot of backstory to dive into and explore...so hopefully, you'll stay tuned. I know the last one was intense...and most of them will be...but I promise...there is good stuff coming. Soon, it'll all make sense and everything shall connect back together. Until then, I shall continue to enjoy teasing y'all. MWAH HA HA! Now, with that said...let's jump on into Chapter Three, shall we? :)
Chapter Three: "We All Have Our Demons"
*POV: Kagome*
I sighed as I grabbed my cup of coffee and walked out onto the porch. The sun was just starting to rise and it was beautiful. As I sat down, I saw Miroku walking by.
"Morning, Miroku."
He jumped and yelped, then turned to look at me. He gave me a smile and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Sorry, Kagome. You startled me...I didn't notice you there. Kinda in my own world, I guess."
"Yeah, I bet. Late night?"
I nodded toward the main house and he sighed.
"Little bit, yeah. What about you? Were you able to get anymore sleep?"
"Not really."
"I'm sorry he woke you. He has this recurring nightmare sometimes. It kinda fucks him up."
"I noticed. It wasn't him that kept me up. I wasn't actually asleep when he got my attention. Had some of my own stuff going on, so it was a pretty long night here, too."
"Oh, wow. I'm sorry. Everything ok?"
"Oh yeah. Just working some stuff out. Had to settle a few things back home. You know how moving can be."
"Yeah, I do."
"Is he ok?"
"Who? Yash?"
I nodded, earning a confused look from Miroku.
"For now, I guess. He's in a drug-induced deep sleep and probably will be for a while. Mind if I ask you something?"
"Sure, what's up?"
"Why do you care? Not to sound like an ass, but he's not really all that good around you. Why would you care?"
I sighed, trying to wrap my mind around that question. Why did I care?
"I guess...well, I guess I feel bad. I know it's not my fault. I can't control how I look...but I feel like I kinda caused all this trouble he's having. At least, that's part of it."
"Kagome, it's not your fault."
"I know..."
"But that doesn't make it any easier."
"Exactly."
He sighed and walked over, sitting in the chair across from me. He pulled a joint out of his pocket and looked at me.
"You mind?"
"Nah. Go ahead."
He lit it and took a hit.
"I get it."
"You do?"
"Yeah. We all have some shit that's happened in our lives that we feel bad for...even if we shouldn't...even if that shit was totally warranted and even necessary. It doesn't make the feeling any easier. We all have baggage, Kagome. This is part of his. Trust me, he wasn't doing all that great before you came along either. He's been very fucked up for a very long time."
"Who was Kikyo, Miroku? He seems to really miss her."
"He does. She was the woman he loved."
"Was? Did she leave him or something?"
"Or something."
"Wow, vague."
"No offense, but that's his story to tell...not mine."
"I get it."
"So, what's the other reason?"
"Huh?"
"You said feeling bad was part of the reason you care. What's the other reason?"
He held the joint out to me and I took it.
"Wow. I didn't think you smoked."
"I don't...at least, not very often."
"But you are now."
"Yeah, well. Shit's been a little intense lately."
I hit the joint and handed it back to him.
"Yeah, I'll say. So, that other reason?"
I sighed.
"Let's just say, I get it."
"Get what?"
"I don't know exactly what the deal is with Inuyasha...or Kikyo...but I do know that whatever happened...it left him fucked up...not whole...broken."
"Fair assessment."
"That's what I get...that feeling. Moving forward because that's what you're supposed to do...living your life on auto-pilot. The dread of knowing that feeling will always follow you...and the fear of losing that feeling because it's become your entire state of being...like you wouldn't know what to do without it. I get it."
"Heavy."
"We all have our demons."
"That we do."
He handed me the joint and stood up.
"I gotta get home. Gotta get some sleep...while he's out."
"Here, you'll probably want this back."
I held the hand with the joint out, but he just smiled and declined.
"Keep it. Seems like you could use it. Catch ya later, Kagome."
I smiled and waved, watching as he left. Once he was gone, I sighed and looked at the joint in my hand. I decided to say fuck it and hit the joint. After finishing my smoke and my coffee, I got dressed. Right as I finished getting dressed, I heard a knock at my door. I walked over and opened it. Rin was standing there with a smile on her face.
"Morning, Kagome!"
I returned her smile and stepped aside to allow her in.
"Morning."
"I got your text this morning, I'd love to help you out, but I gotta say...I really wish you wouldn't leave."
"I know. I appreciate the opportunity...and I wanna stay...but, after last night...I really don't think it's good for me to stay here."
Her face became a little sad.
"What happened last night?"
"Inuyasha had some issues sleeping last night. Some kind of nightmare."
"Shit. I should talk to him."
"I wouldn't try right now, if I were you. Miroku has him drugged up."
She sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Of course he does. Why didn't he call me?"
"I'm not sure."
"Well, I guess I'll just have to check in later. Shall we get our search started?"
"Yes, please."
I followed her out and climbed into her car...and we were off. I needed to find a new place...and online ads weren't cutting it. So, I decided to try the old-school route and just go out and look for a place. I had asked Rin to come with me for several reasons. One, she seemed nice and I liked her company. Two, I didn't really know anyone else. Three, she seemed to have good taste, judging by all the work she'd done for Inuyasha and all of us roommates...if you could really call us that. We were more like same-general-area-mates. I knew she wanted me to stay, but she didn't say anything else about it...and I also knew I needed to leave. It wasn't good for Inuyasha to have me there, reminding him of something he clearly wanted to forget...and it wasn't good for me either. I had to get out...I had to. We looked all over and all day, but nothing was right for me. After a long and unsuccessful search, we returned to my current place of living.
"I'm sorry we couldn't find anything."
"It's ok. I'll just try a different method. A new plan, so to speak."
"Backup plans are important."
I laughed and bid her farewell, going inside to get a shower and, hopefully, some sleep. I was exhausted.
*POV: Rin*
As I watched Kagome leave, I sighed...wondering where I should go first. I looked at the main house...where my brother-in-law was...I needed to check on him...to talk through all this shit. I hated not being on good terms with him. Still, that was a fight I wasn't quite ready for. So, I settled for Miroku. He should have called me...I should have known. I went to the door and started banging.
"Sheesh! Just a second!"
I waited and a few moments later, the door was opened by Sango.
"Oh, Rin! I'm sorry. I didn't know it was you knocking."
I smiled and waved my hand.
"It's fine. Where is the little shit-head?"
"Since you came here...and the only person missing from this house is Miroku...I assume you mean him?"
"Yes. Where is he?"
"Not here. He went to the gym a couple hours ago. He should be back soon, though."
"That's fine. I'll call him. Thank you, Sango."
"No problem!"
I turned to walk away and she shut the door. While walking back to my car, I pulled out my phone and dialed.
"Sis?"
"Where are you?"
"About to leave the gym. Yash ok?"
"He's fine. You are not. You're in big trouble."
He laughed.
"Who told you?"
"Kagome."
"Figures."
"We're gonna have a long talk about this, Mister."
"I figured we would, Mom."
I rolled my eyes.
"Meet me at Carla's. I'm on my way."
"Me too."
I hung up and instructed my driver to take me to Carla's Cafe`. When I arrived, Miroku was already there...waiting with his coffee. I noticed an extra mug sitting there.
"This mine?"
"Yes ma'am. Just the way you like it."
"This does not get you off the hook. You can't suck up to me with my favorite coffee...not this time."
He sighed as I sat down, across from him.
"I didn't think I could...but I had to try."
"You did...and it failed. Now, explain yourself."
"I didn't call you...and I'm sorry. I should have called."
"The nightmare?"
"Yupp."
"How bad?"
"Bad enough for me to pump him full of pain killing substances."
I sighed.
"Why didn't you call me?"
"It was spur of the moment...not a lot of time to think."
"You could have at least called me after."
"I know. I'm sorry...really, Sis, I am. I was tired and wasn't thinking."
"He good now?"
"Should still be sleeping like a baby."
"When was the last time you checked on him?"
"A couple of hours ago...right before I went to the gym. He was still out cold."
"He still him?"
"Would I be at the gym if he wasn't?"
"No. You'd be right there next to him...being his keeper, like always."
"That's my job."
"It shouldn't be."
"Why not? I'm his best friend. I was there by his side through it all...and he was by mine when I needed him. He's my bro...and, as gay as it sounds, I love him."
"I didn't realize things were progressing so quickly in your relationship. I can see the bromance has become very serious."
"Ha ha ha."
"I love him too."
"I know that...and so does he."
"Does he?"
"One little fight won't ruin the bond that you two have. You know this."
"I don't think this classifies as a 'little fight'."
"Oh, come on! He's just being Yash...lashing out because, even after all this time, he still doesn't know how to let it out. He's afraid to."
"Afraid?"
"Sis, you know him."
"I thought I did."
"You do. He's afraid to let it out...because he's afraid he'll lose control...and-"
"And then the hospital scene replays."
"Bingo."
"What do we do, Miroku? How do we help him?"
"We just have to be there...remind him that he still has his family."
"We've been doing that for nine years. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it doesn't seem like that's working."
"Sure it is."
"Oh really? How ya figure?"
"History hasn't repeated...so, we must be doing something right."
"He may not have lost it, yet...but he can't keep going on this way. It's not good for him. Eventually, it will be too much...and he will lose himself."
"That's why we're here."
"Don't you ever get tired of having to fill the therapist/babysitter role?"
"I don't do it because I have to. I do it because I want to. He's my best friend...my family. You guys are my only family."
"And we always will be."
"And I will always be there...to keep everyone straight. Just happens that Yash is the most needy in the family. Who knew?"
I laughed.
"He can be kinda needy sometimes...but we love him...so we accept his neediness."
"Exactly...because that's what family does."
"We love you, Miroku. You know that right?"
"Of course. I wouldn't still be here if I thought you didn't."
"Thank you for always being there when he needs you...when anyone needs you."
"I like to take care of people. Helps make up for all the times I couldn't."
"Miroku..."
"It's ok, Sis. I'm fine."
"You say that...but who takes care of you?"
"I do. That's part of being grown. You kinda have to do that."
"No. I don't just mean the basic necessities. While you're out here making sure everyone else is ok...fixing everyone's problems and looking out for everybody...who's looking after you? Who keeps you straight? Who makes sure you don't retreat into that big, but under-used brain of yours?"
He rolled his eyes.
"Under-used? Really?"
"Yes, really. When do you ever think before you act?"
"Heh...I guess I don't."
"Exactly. Don't try to change the subject, though. You have to make time for yourself, Miroku. You have to find someone that you can lean on when everyone else is leaning on you. What about Sango? She seems nice."
"She is. Way too nice for me."
"Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Make it sound like you're some horrible guy."
"I wouldn't say I'm horrible...but I'm not exactly a good guy either."
"You could be."
"How?"
"Stop sabotaging yourself. Stop hitting on every woman you meet. Stop using sex as a way to try to numb your pain. Stop making yourself be a 'not good guy'. Because I know you have it in you to be a good guy. You just have to try...you have to want to."
"And I don't want to?"
"No...not really. If you did, you wouldn't be thinking about groping the waitress's ass."
"What? I wasn't-"
"Oh, yes you were. I've seen you watching her every time she walks by."
"Ok. Maybe I was."
"Ain't no 'maybe' to it. Why bother arguing?"
"You're right. I'll never win."
"No, you won't. Because I'm right and you know it."
"You usually are."
"And I am now. You wanna know what I think? I think you really like Sango...and I think that terrifies you."
He laughed.
"Why would liking Sango terrify me?"
"Because Sango isn't a one-and-done kinda girl. You know you would actually have to put in work...actually commit to someone."
"I'm not scared of commitment."
"No...you're scared that someone other than us might actually love you. Miroku, you can't change your past. You can't change all the shit that's happened. What you can change is how you react to that past."
"Come on, Sis. I'm way past my daddy issues."
"No...you're not."
With that, I left.
*POV: Miroku*
As I watched Rin leave, I tried to calm myself by telling myself that she was wrong. It didn't happen often...but she was, on occasion, wrong. I was over the past...and I wasn't afraid of love. I could do commitment, if I wanted to. I just didn't want to. I sighed, knowing that was bullshit. I shook my head, trying to shake those thoughts off. I didn't have time to focus on my bullshit. Yash was gonna be coming out of his drug-induced coma soon...and I needed to check on him. I stood and walked to my car. Once I got home, I immediately went to Yash's room. He was there, leaned against the wall behind his bed, smoking a blunt.
"Look who's finally awake. Morning, Sleeping Beauty."
I walked in and sat at the foot of the bed, leaning against the post. He just rolled his eyes and handed me the blunt.
"Its evening."
"Huh. So it is."
I hit the blunt and handed it back.
"What are you even doing here?"
"You really have to ask?"
"No. You don't always have to check on me. I'm good, Dude."
"Why does no one get it?"
"Get what?"
"I don't check on you because I have to. I do it because I care! Am I that bad of a guy? That no one believes I could do something for someone simply because I want to?"
"Woah, Dude. Are you good?"
"Your damned sister got in my head. She's really good at that."
He laughed.
"Understatement of the century."
"Yeah. Do you think I'm scared of love?"
"What?"
"Nothing. Never mind. Doesn't matter."
"Dude, I can't believe I'm actually saying this to you, but let it out, Man. Talk to me."
I rolled my eyes.
"Really?"
"Really."
"You have enough shit to worry about without me adding to it."
"Dude, no. You don't get to do that."
"Really, it doesn't matter. It's not a big deal."
"Roku! Let. It. Out. Now!"
"Your sister seems to think that I'm afraid of love...or being loved."
"What do you think?"
"I dunno. Maybe she's right."
"Dude, you're not afraid of love."
"I'm not so sure."
"What makes you think she's right?"
"She's Rin? Rin is always right."
"Not always. Sometimes, even Rin is wrong."
"Yeah, but not this time. When have you ever seen me in a relationship? Not just goofing off with whatever girl is the current target, but a real, truly committed relationship?"
He thought about it for a moment.
"I guess never."
"Right. When have I ever said the words 'I love her'? Not just telling girls I love them to get with them...but actually meant it."
"Never."
"Exactly...and when a girl gets too attached, what do I do?"
"You make her hate you...then you end it. Damn, Dude, I think you might be afraid of love."
"Yeah. Apparently, I self-sabotage because I have commitment issues."
"What? Nooooo...not you."
"Ha ha ha. She also seems to think I have unresolved issues with my past...daddy issues, so to speak. Crazy right? I got over those a long time ago."
"Dude, no you didn't."
"What? I'm totally over it!"
"Roku, you just pushed them off a long time ago. You didn't actually deal with them."
"Man, I'm fine. Look at me, no daddy issues."
"Bullshit. You just keep pushing them off."
"Yash, I'm good."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Then, why are you living here?"
"I told you. Too many dudes and not enough bathrooms."
"Why were you there? Why are you not alone in the house that you own?"
I froze and my face went pale.
"You know I can't go back there, Man."
"I know. But why?"
"Whatever, Man. We don't need to worry about this."
"I think we do."
"I can work out my own issues, Yash."
"No, my friend, you can't. Neither can I. That's why we need each other."
I sighed.
"I guess so."
"So, let's talk it out."
"Man, I don't know if I can."
"Thought you were over it?"
"Yeah, well, maybe Rin was also right about me still having some issues."
"So, talk 'em out, Dude."
"No. The talking it out thing isn't really for me."
"You have to, Man."
"No, I don't. I'll just keep pushing it off, as you said."
"You don't wanna talk to me? Fine...I mean ouch. I thought we could talk about everything...but fine. You have to talk to someone."
"Like who?"
"What about Sango?"
"Hell no!"
"Why not?"
"There's no way in hell I'm telling Sango about all my bullshit. I like her...I don't wanna scare her away."
"Is that really what you think? She'll be scared and run? I don't know her super well...but I know her well enough to know that's not her style...and so do you."
"If I tell her, one of two things will happen. Either she'll pity me...and you know how I feel about pity...or she'll be scared. Maybe she won't leave, but she'll be scared."
"Dude, what kind of teenage drama bullshit is this? Sango isn't that type of chick. She'll understand, Man."
"Maybe she will. Maybe she won't. I don't really wanna take that chance."
"Wait a minute...I thought you had commitment issues?"
"I do...but I still like her."
"Like you 'like' every hot girl you meet?"
"Hell, I don't know...and Rin was right about that too."
"Right about what?"
"I dunno...I can't explain it. Sango's just...different. I like spending time with her...I like talking to her."
"But you can't talk to her about this?"
"I like talking about things that don't concern my past."
"So, Rin said you like Sango? Hell, anyone with eyes could tell you that."
"That's not what she was right about."
"No?"
"She said the thought that I could really like someone-"
"Maybe even love them?"
"Maybe...but it terrifies me."
"Come on, Man. It's love...not a threat. It's not dangerous. What's to be terrified of?"
"I don't have much experience...its uncharted territory for me...and not the good kind. Besides, from what I've seen, love only causes pain."
"That's not true, Man."
"No? What about you? You fell in love and look where you are now...in unbelievable amounts of pain. How is that not terrifying?"
He laughed.
"What the hell is so funny?"
"Love isn't what fucked me up, Man. That was the loss of love. Look at Rin and Sesshomaru. Do they look like their love causes them pain?"
"Of course not...but they have a fairytale kind of love...the shit you only see in movies."
"But you see it with them...not just in movies. Love makes everyone feel like they're in some kind of movie. That's the great thing about love."
"I dunno. I don't think I'm meant to have love."
"Man, if anyone deserves love...it's you."
"What makes you so sure?"
"I know you, Dude. When you do commit to someone or something...you truly commit. You're determined and nothing is gonna stop you. You're a good guy...and some woman is gonna be hella lucky to have you. You just have to let it happen."
"Whatever. This isn't important."
"No? What is?"
"Let's talk about you."
"Let's not. You can't change the subject, Roku. Besides, I could use the distraction."
"What if I don't wanna be a distraction?"
"I'll make you a deal, Man."
"I love a good deal...what kinda deal?"
"You talk this out...I'll talk about Kagome."
"I thought we agreed to never talk about this?"
"We agreed not to talk about certain aspects. Not the entire topic."
"You know I can't say no to a good deal."
"I know. Why do you think I did it?"
"Dick move, Man."
"Maybe...but did it work?"
"Fine...but you can't weasel your way out of this once I fulfill my end."
"No weaseling. Promise."
I sighed.
"Fine...I have unresolved issues. There...I admit it. That doesn't mean I can change it."
"Of course you can."
"I don't know if you know this or not, but the only way to fix unresolved issues, is to resolve them. In case you hadn't noticed, the thing I need to resolve isn't really available anymore."
"Dude, how stupid are you?"
"Excuse me?!"
"Do you really think if he were around that anything would actually get resolved? He would still be him...and you would still be you. You know that wouldn't work. Besides, the things you need to fix aren't even about him."
"Who are they about then?"
"You. You need to fix your issues with you. Not him."
"When the hell did you become the wise old sage?"
"When I noticed my best friend needed me."
"I didn't say I needed you."
"You didn't have to...not that you ever would say those actual words...to anyone. Still, I know you. I can tell when you need me."
"Why thank you, Dear."
"You're welcome, Honey."
"Now, it's your turn."
"Not until you promise me that you're really gonna work on this."
"Yes, I'm gonna work on it."
"Promise?"
"Yes, I promise. Now, spill. What about Kagome?"
"I dunno...I have no clue how to feel about her."
"What do you mean, Man?"
"She looks like her. She sounds like her. Hell, she even smells like her. Every time I'm around her, for a split second, I feel like I have her back...then I remember she's not her...and it crushes me all over again. When she's around, I relive it all over again...the memories start replaying and they won't stop."
"So, that's why you avoid her. I kinda already figured that out, Dude."
"That's a big part of why I avoid her...the main reason...but its not the only reason."
"No? Then, what's the other reason?"
"I'm...afraid."
"Hard words for you to say. I'm impressed. You're afraid of what?"
"I'm afraid...that if I spent any time around her, I might..."
"Might what?"
He sighed and threw his hands up.
"That I might catch some feelings."
"Man, that's probably just your brain wanting to bring back all the memories and feelings for Kikyo."
"That's what I thought, too."
"But you don't think that anymore?"
"I don't know. My logical side says that's the explanation. I mean, I don't even know the girl. Hell, I haven't even been able to say more than a handful of words to her. I can't even look at her!"
"And your non-logical side?"
"Is screaming at me."
"Screaming what exactly?"
"I don't know."
"Bullshit. You know. You just don't wanna say it."
"Don't make me say it."
"Why not?"
"You know how much that fucked with me, Man."
"She was the love of your life. No one has any doubt about that."
"I wouldn't say no one."
"Do you still have issues with that?"
"I thought I didn't. Now, I'm not so sure."
"Alright, Man. I'm gonna need you to break this down for me."
"The first time I laid eyes on her, I could hear him."
"I'm surprised you could hear anything other than the pounding of your own heart."
"I thought it was the memory of Kikyo. I confused her for Kikyo...maybe he did too."
"Maybe he's still confused?"
"I don't think so."
"And you're scared to actually find out?"
"Even if I could be around her...I don't wanna fall for her...or anyone for that matter. Everybody has a soulmate. Even if they don't find them...they have one...and only one. I had mine."
"But did you?"
"Yes."
"Then, why are you so twisted up about this?"
"Even if I was looking for love again, which I'm not, it wouldn't be fair to that person. I'd always have her memory circling around in my head. I'd never be able to love them like I loved her."
"What if you could?"
"That would be even worse."
"How so?"
"Even the thought of that...feels wrong."
"Wrong how?"
"Like I'm...betraying her or something. Like cheating almost."
"Dude, its not cheating when your partner is gone."
"Logically, I know that."
"So, what? You think you could love Kagome more than Kikyo?"
"I don't know...and I'm not too keen on trying to find out."
"I see. What if she's not even interested in you?"
"I think that would hurt more."
"You really think avoiding her is the best defense?"
"Probably not. You got any better ideas?"
"Not really."
"Exactly."
Suddenly, he busted out laughing.
"You good?"
"Yeah. We are both seriously fucked up. You know that right?"
"It's what keeps us going strong."
"So, what do we do? How do we become a little less fucked?"
"Hell if I know. I'm winging it here, Man."
"Same."
We both just sat there in silence for a while...thinking about our individual baggage. After a while, we decided we needed to lighten up the mood, so we decided to play some Xbox and worry about adult shit later...and that's what we did.
*POV: Inuyasha / Next Day*
I sighed as I looked at my phone. I knew this was bound to happen...and I had to just suck it up and go with it. So, I answered.
"Yashie?"
"Hello, Rinnie."
"I didn't know if you would answer."
"Well, I did. So, what's up?"
"You gonna be home today?"
"I plan to."
"Can I come over?"
"Sure. When?"
"I'm glad you said that...cause I just got here. Open the door?"
I hung up and smiled to myself as I opened the door. She came in and just stood there as I flopped down on the couch. I could tell she was nervous, so I decided to make it a little easier for her.
"You can sit down, ya know."
She nodded and sat in a chair across from me. I lit a blunt, hit it, and handed it to her. She took it, hit it, and handed it back with a heavy sigh.
"Yashie, I'm-"
"Stop. Don't even say it."
"You're not still mad...are you?"
"I was never mad...not at you...not really. I was mad at the situation and lashed out. It wasn't your fault. I'm the one that needs to say it. So, I'm sorry, Rinnie. I'm really sorry. It wasn't your fault...there was nothing you could have done."
"But it was."
"What?"
"It was my fault. I found her...I should have known."
"But you didn't. How could you?"
"I should have done more research...or met her first...or something!"
"Rinnie-"
"No. Yashie, just stop. It was my fault...I did this. I caused you all this pain."
"No, you didn't."
"Of course I did!"
Tears were starting to fill her eyes. I could see this was causing her genuine pain. So, I set my blunt down, walked over to her, and wrapped her in a hug. She finally let the tears out, sobbing in my arms. Once she had calmed down, I gave her a smile.
"Rinnie, it was not your fault. It wouldn't have mattered. This pain...it's not from her and we both know it. This is my shit...all me. You are not responsible for this."
She smiled up at me.
"Forgive me?"
"Not that I really have anything to forgive you for, but sure. I forgive you. Now, can you forgive me? I said some harsh shit that you know I didn't mean."
"I know. That's why I've already forgiven you...silly hanyou."
I chuckled and went back to my spot on the couch and my blunt.
"So, we're good?"
"We always were, Rinnie."
"Thank the Gods! I don't like it when we're not on good terms."
"Me either."
"I've missed you, Yashie."
"I've missed you too, Rinnie."
We sat there and caught up on all the things we'd missed since our little phone spat. I told her about my conversation with Roku...and she informed me of Kagome's search for a new place.
"She's leaving?"
"She's trying."
"Why?"
She gave me the 'oh-come-on' look.
"Me."
"She doesn't wanna hurt you. She thinks she's the reason you're messed up right now. I think the nightmare really messed with her."
"How did she know about my nightmare?"
"She's the one that heard you screaming...the one that got Miroku. You didn't know?"
"No. Roku didn't mention that. What exactly did she hear?"
"Nothing too specific...at least I don't think so, anyway. Neither her nor Miroku really went into detail."
"Shit."
"Miroku said she seemed really worried."
She gave me a suggestive look.
"Rinnie, don't even go there. It would never work."
She sighed.
"I know. I was just hoping if you two could at least get on civil terms...maybe she might stay."
"Why do you want her here so bad?"
"I like her. She seems like a sweet girl."
"And?"
"And maybe, just maybe, if you gave her a chance...maybe it could help you. Or at least, I thought it might. Clearly, that's not working."
"Help me get over it?"
"When you put it like that, it sounds insensitive."
I laughed.
"Maybe. But that's what you were hoping for?"
"I didn't plan it, but when I saw her...yeah, I was kinda hoping."
"Well, I hate to burst your bubble...but doesn't seem like hope was enough. I'm good, though. I can man up and handle my own shit. You and Roku don't have to keep worrying about me."
"Yashie, it's not that we're tired of helping you...and we will always worry about you. I just hate seeing you in pain. So, anything I can do to help you...even if it only helps a tiny bit...or only for a few minutes...or even if you don't think its a good idea...I'm gonna do it."
"I know what you mean. Thanks, Rinnie."
"No problem. I do it because I love you."
"And I love you."
"You better."
"Yes ma'am."
We laughed and she came and sat next to me, curling up against my side. As she rested her head on my shoulder, she sighed.
"It wasn't just that she looked like...her."
"No?"
"I don't know her story, but I have a feeling she can relate on some level. I don't know how, but I thought maybe you two could connect and maybe help each other."
"Why would she need my help?"
"I don't know. She just seems to have a lot of demons following her, so to speak."
"You thought we could bond over our issues?"
"Maybe."
"Well, that would require me to be able to talk to her."
"Which would require you to be able to look at her."
"Yeah and I think I've proven that I can't do that."
"Yeah. So, I'll keep helping her look."
I sighed.
"She doesn't have to leave."
"I've told her that."
"And?"
"And she thinks its better that she leave."
"Better for who?"
"You...and her."
"My feelings and issues aren't gonna change if she leaves. It wouldn't really matter."
"I know."
"Why would leaving be better for her?"
"I think she feels guilty...like its her fault."
"She can't change how she looks...or sounds...or smells."
"I know."
"How is the search coming so far?"
"Not too well. I think she's struggling to get caught up here."
"If that's the case, she should stay. At least until she can get settled and find somewhere decent."
"I agree."
"So, tell her."
"I've tried. I don't think hearing it from me helps any."
"Then who should she hear it from?"
"I think she needs to hear it from you."
"Well, then I guess she won't be hearing it."
"Yashie, how can you expect her to stay here or believe it's not her fault when you can't even look at her?"
"Rinnie, I can't."
"I get it. I'll try telling her again."
"Tell her I told you to tell her. Maybe that will help."
"Maybe."
"Kick your shoes off and stay a while?"
"Hell yeah! Movie night?"
"What about the Overlord?"
"Overnight at the office."
"Then, what are we watching?"
She smiled and started searching for a movie. I just smirked and rolled my eyes. Even though I may have lost the woman I loved...I still had my family...and that made everything just a tiny bit easier to deal with.
(Author's Note: Ok...so there we have it! Chapter Three is done! I'm really getting into this story...I like teasing you guys! Lol. So, if you liked this chapter...or even if you didn't...leave me a review! Let me know whatcha thought! And, if you're really into the story, stay tuned! Chapter Four should be coming soon!)
Until Next Chapter,
-Crayzee Bubbles-