Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of its characters.
Chapter Ten: Six Months Later — Part Two
"Take account of what I have done out of love and use me leniency for what I have done out of strength."
— Ruin, Beppe Fenoglio
Kagome covered her face from the sun's rays as she went to call her younger sister; the girl had left their hut a while ago after declaring that she wanted to spend some time in the private garden.
She knew how much Rin loved to take care of everything regarding plants, flowers and vegetables, but, at her age, she couldn't spend that much time under the hot sun. Kagome had lost count of the times she had scolded her.
It was also true, however, that Kagome wasn't really capable of being strict. She was seventeen years old and until two years earlier, she had been the one scolded, and certain maternal instincts were foreign to her. Figures if she knew how to be loud with her little sister.
And in fact, Rin always answered her with her crystal clear laugh and then it was Kagome's turn to get lectured by Kaede because it was her job as the older sister to look after Rin.
Since she hadn't been able to find her where she said she was, Kagome detoured slightly and hed for the rice fields. It was planting season, and they were more crowded than usual. She waved to the wives and farmers she met along the way, but she didn't let that slow her down even once. Although the war was over and the atmosphere was much better, it still wasn't safe for a little girl to be alone for so long somewhere. Thus, she quickened her pace, hoping to find Rin in her usual secret place, or else she would get really angry — sister or no sister.
As she walked through the village, she thought about how much it had changed in the last six months and how full of life it was now. She certainly had no way of feeling lonely anymore, if anything, the opposite. Now, she struggled to make time for herself.
Meetings with the spiritual community, classes with Kaede — since it had been declared that Kagome would be the next head priestess following the disappearing of Kikyo — people to heal and a house to rule... in those last six months Kagome hadn't had a moment to breathe. Besides, as priestesses, it was up to her and Kaede to welcome new villagers along with the chief, and they still hadn't met even half of them.
Since many people returning from war had found their homes wiped out, it had been decided during one of the first post-war council meetings to relocate families in villages that had lost many of their inhabitants — and Kagome's had lost far too many.
Fortunately, they had not been asked to house people in their hut as many others had been while new houses were being built. Theirs was small, and without a male figure, it had been called inappropriate to house men in the abode of three unmarried women. The one exception had been Sango.
She had come to them only a couple of days after the last battle, together with many other women who had lost their husbands and had come to seek asylum. It was Sango who had led them to their village, as the shrine's presence made it more sacred in the eyes of those who had begun a work of devastation before new pacts had been signed to establish order and control.
None of the slayers had returned from the war, Sango had told her between tears; she had been lucky, on the day the spiritualists had come to recruit them, to have stayed at the base because of an illness. Everyone—uncle, father, brother—had died.
It had taken a while for her to recover, many days in bed and a lot of herbal tea to bring her fever down. But in the end, it had only been the miraculous arrival of Kohaku and other young slayers to get her back up.
Kagome had kept to herself during that little reunion, trying to ignore the heavy feeling in her chest and those not-so-pure thoughts that made her envy her friend. She would never see her brother again.
Only after the boy had eaten, rested and washed up — and after an exorbitant number of hugs and tears from everyone — Kaede had managed to get Sango to let him breathe and Kohaku had started his story.
That was how they had come to know that the Inu-no-Taisho, so hated by humans, had been the one to save those twenty or so boys so young they still had baby teeth — and according to Kohaku, they weren't even the only ones, but their paths had parted on the way back.
The only reason they had taken so long was that they had been kept at the castle; since they were part of the defeated army, they would have to pay a war debt. Sango had gasped when she heard him talk like that; she had believed the General had only saved the boys for his own benefit, to have slaves. But her brother had quickly contradicted her; the latter had gone on saying that the debt demanded was also derisory. In fact, they would have to help rebuild the demon territories damaged during the last battle. They would also have a mat to sleep on and guards to protect them from ill-intentioned demons. At the same time, these would also make sure they got the job done.
Intent, as he was to keep his end of the bargain, after a couple of days Kohaku, was on his way back to the castle. He only returned to the village occasionally for his sister's sake. However, he had stayed long enough to deliver another shocking piece of news that had thrown his sister over the edge. He had revealed to the women why the last battle had been so rushed and why many had only learned of it when it was over.
The whole thing had initially been set up as an operation to rescue Miroku. Since truly gifted spiritualists were in short supply, the leaders had found it necessary to rescue hime. But in the end, the entire attack had proved to be their undoing.
In addition to losing the war, the spiritual community was now decidedly small due to the heavy losses they had suffered. It was one of the reasons why Kagome, despite her young age and the fact that she had never been taken into consideration, had now been appointed as the next head priestess of the village — a position she didn't exactly long for.
When asked about Miroku's whereabouts, Kohaku had bowed his head and wrung his hands in his lap, unable to find the words to break the news to his sister. The battle had been a defeat in every way, he had finally muttered, hoping the women would catch the meaning behind that phrase. They had grasped it, indeed; it hadn't been that difficult. A desperate scream from Sango and her subsequent collapse had been proof of that.
Once the slayers had been put to sleep — Kaede had said that resting would help her digest all that negative information and feelings — Kohaku had told them that Miroku had already been killed before the army had even reached the border of the demon lands that fateful day.
Rumours, which the boy didn't know whether to believe or not, has it that the order to kill him had come from the general's eldest son. He was said to be a ruthless demon with no regard for humans. Even his own father had been furious about it. Kaede had replied that if this General was the one who had spared the lives of people who had come to kill him, then one could believe he would never order the death of a good-hearted monk for no real reason.
And as Kohaku spoke, Kagome's thoughts had inevitably flown to the General's second son. Not that Inuyasha had revealed to her who he was and how important he was in terms of demonic nobility, but his hair had been a clear sign. Everyone knew that the Inu-no-Taisho had silver hair, golden eyes, and two sons, one of which was half-demon.
It wasn't the first time she'd thought of Inuyasha, actually. Not a day went by since Kagome had saved his life that the young priestess didn't return to him with her mind.
The news Kohaku had brought was all but positive. Yet, knowing that ruthless, heartless monks like Kiyoshi were no longer alive and could no longer hurt people like Inuyasha filled her heart with relief. She was convinced that now that the war was over in the demons' favour, even the half-demon was safe, no matter what he was doing.
She couldn't even fool herself into saying she didn't care if she never saw him again. She was inevitably and inexplicably drawn to his memory and felt the need to heal those wounds she had so easily read in his eyes. If she, who had no experience at all, had made so little effort to see into his heart, was it the same for everyone else?
But Kagome was still a child, she told herself, and she especially couldn't think such things now that she was destined to be the village priestess. The spiritual leaders had made it clear what they expected of her: now that they were few in number, they couldn't lose members to trivial things like love or marriage. She understood more than ever today why her sister had always hidden her affection for Suikotsu from people's eyes. She wondered if she was destined to die without knowing what love was and to see the only chance to know that feeling fade away along with her own life.
Kohaku left the village two days later with the other slayers who had come with him. The reconstructions began again, and Kagome and the other women were busier than ever, the male presence having been reduced to a minimum. At least, that way she didn't have the strength to dwell on certain thoughts and wear out her soul.
After another couple of days, a procession was organized in memory of Miroku. Kagome had managed to impose herself when the inhabitants had proposed to have a common service for all the members of the spiritual community who had died in battle. She didn't want to mix her friend's name — friend, to call him that now amazed her considering how much he had scandalized her that first time she had met him — with that of less than pure souls.
She had held Sango close and taken part in the funeral, shedding silent tears. Once it was over, she wiped her face and resumed her daily activities without saying a word; behind her, Kaede had looked at her, shaking his head. Would she ever have peace? At least they didn't have to be afraid of crazy monks visiting them to keep dubious promises anymore.
The elderly priestess hoped that her granddaughter might soon find some calm in her heart as well.
Sure enough, Kagome found Rin in the clearing at the edge of the forest, her hands full of plants and her clothes stained with grass and dirt, intent on making new wreaths. She raised her no longer childish face despite her young age and offered her a bright smile as she tried to tuck flowers behind her ear.
Kagome wanted to get angry — she really did — but any reprimand died on her lips; better to preserve that innocent joy.
In the afternoon, after forcing Rin to stay with the elder Kaede, she went south of the rice fields, towards the Goshinboku. Near the century-old tree grew a plant that was excellent for ointments and as an antibiotic. She needed a lot of it now that there was always someone coming back injured from the fields.
She had just finished filling her own basket when, while cleaning her red pants, she noticed an equally red figure invading her vision. Her heart began to pound even before she raised her face and verified that her mind wasn't playing a trick on her.
The basket fell to the ground with a dull thud, the freshly picked herbs scattered at her feet as both hands went to cover her mouth and her eyes filled with tears.
Inuyasha stood before her, alive and well, with a smile warmer and brighter than she had ever seen on his lips. The times he'd visited Kikyo, she'd never seen one so beautiful.
Tears of joy and relief were already marring her face when he, in a silent request, spread his arms. She didn't think about it, she didn't ask herself questions, she didn't wonder if it was appropriate... she just ran. Kagome ran and let him envelop her with his strong arms, so tight like he believed she was the answer to every doubt as if he wanted to merge with her. She cried again, shamelessly wetting the fabric of his haori and clinging to him.
Inuyasha was alive and had returned to the village; Inuyasha was hugging her; Inuyasha was burying his face into her hair, holding her even tighter to him.
He didn't say anything, nor did she; there was no need to.
For a moment, the world around them dissolved.
Soon, however, too soon for Inuyasha, Kagome began to move to loosen the embrace and obeying her silent request, the half-demon let go of her. He looked at her face, trying to understand the reason for the sudden reluctance. She had seemed content to him, even too much so if the scent she gave off told him anything, what had changed?
Kagome looked away suddenly embarrassed, her cheeks glowing red and her hands twitching. Inuyasha thought about taking her chin with two fingers and searching her eyes for an answer, forcing her to look at him, but gave up, thinking it would make things worse.
Meanwhile, a similar war was going on in Kagome's mind. She suddenly remembered why Inuyasha had come to the village that first time. The lost look on his face when she had naively shown him Kikyo's letter and talked about Suikotsu, all the times he had visited her before the war...
It all became clear to her, and she called herself stupid for not realizing it sooner; everything indicated that she was still a child, too young to learn to love. More embarrassed than ever, she said the first words that came to her mind to get herself out of the situation. After all, what would a man like him want with someone like her? She told herself she was certain that the innocent kiss they had exchanged before they parted ways months ago had made her look like a fool.
"I... Inuyasha, I'm sorry—I'm so sorry," she began, distancing herself and waving her hands in front of her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, really; I didn't think about it. Oh God, I didn't mean to embarrass you."
Inuyasha looked at her confused, arching an eyebrow. "You're sorry? Uh? And for what? Kagome, stop, I don't understand." He tried to reach out and grab her wrist, but she escaped his grasp easily. A new weight hit him like a boulder at that clear rejection, but he didn't let it get him down. He hadn't come all that way to leave without even an explanation.
He had told himself he would try, and since he had never been very brave about feelings, that he was determined to speak out meant a great deal. First, she welcomed him as a wife welcomes a husband back from war and then she rejected him? His glance hardened. Yes, he would have an answer, good or bad; he deserved it.
He ran a hand through his hair, somewhere between nervous and annoyed, but seeing the way she was torturing herself, he softened. "Kagome, hey, it's me. It's not like I'm going to hurt you, I just want to understand why...geez...why do you suddenly seem to be afraid of me? I... heck, Kagome, I don't want you to be afraid of me! Did I do something wrong? Was I not supposed to hug you?" Oh boy, that's what it was! She was still an innocent woman who had probably never been alone with a man in a room — he had probably been the only one —, and he was taking too many liberties with her.
What was he supposed to do? He didn't know anything about it. With Kikyo, she had always been the one to take the initiative, he was always the clumsy, inexperienced one — and thinking back, he could also see why she had all that experience.
Kagome waved her hands in front of her once more in response to his babbling. "Oh, no, no, Inuyasha!" she covered her face with her hands, and the rest of her speech reached his ears somewhat muffled. "Who knows what you have thought of me, oh god. Please forgive me; don't get the wrong idea. I'm sorry," she repeated.
The half-demon's body stiffened. "What did I think of you? When? Today? Six months ago? When? I thought you had the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen, that it couldn't be for me — not even Kikyo on her best days ever gave me such a spectacular one!" he blurted, raising his hands in the air. "I thought I couldn't understand why I kept repeating your name like a mantra in my mind. I thought I was going crazy because I didn't dare to come back and visit you, and it took my father to push me! I thought..." he continued as he slowly walked over to her and cupped her still somewhat bewildered face, brushing her cheeks with a gentleness he never thought he had. "When I saw you here, now, coming into the clearing... I thought you were a vision and that everything finally made sense." He wiped away a tear that had streamed down her face, lonely. "Oh, geez, Kagome. I'm not one to say these things; I don't think I've even talked that much in my life, but damn, I thought I wanted to risk it all!"
A moment later, his lips met hers gently, savouring them; he felt like he was going to die. For her part, Kagome froze, not believing her ears or her other senses. Inuyasha had told her he had been thinking about her — about her, not Kikyo — all this time. Inuyasha was kissing her.
Oh my God, Inuyasha was kissing her! He was kissing her, and she was standing there as still as a statue! She had to move, do something, reciprocate, damn it... what was she doing?! And in fact, Inuyasha, his heart already shattered by yet another rejection, tried to pull away. But Kagome, not wanting her first kiss to end in that horrible way, nor for him to misunderstand, grabbed some of his locks to pull him to her — maybe a little too hard —and returned the gesture. Inuyasha's eyes widened in surprise, then immediately closed again, and he wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her even closer.
It was a chaste but sweet kiss, and he didn't even think about deepening it. There would be a time in the future for more passionate exchanges and exploring each other — or at least, he hoped there would be. Her red cheeks and laboured breathing despite the fairly innocent actions proved to Inuyasha that it definitely wasn't time yet to kiss Kagome as a man would, but he was fine with that.
When they parted, he rested his chin on her head and held her to his chest. She laced her hands behind his back and rested her cheek at the level of his heart.
Kagome was the first to break the silence. "But, Inuyasha, I don't understand..."
Inuyasha froze. So much for his father saying he was the one a little slow! He'd made the best declaration she'd ever heard come from his lips, he'd kissed her in spite of all the fears and reluctance — a monk was probably also lurking ready to attack him with sutras for the affront — and she still didn't understand. He repressed the instinct to roll her eyes.
"What is there to understand?" he asked her back, his tone more abrupt than he would have liked; in fact, she gasped and hid her face even more. The words that followed the gesture came to him indecipherable. "What? Can you repeat that?"
She sighed and looked up at him, still red, perhaps even more so than before. "I said, what about Kikyo? Weren't you in love with her?"
"Oh," suddenly it all made sense. "So, you finally figured it out, huh?"
She shrugged. "Well, maybe not right away. But, I've had time to think about you and that day," she murmured. "Actually, you just got there two minutes ago, dummy!" her conscience screamed at her, but she ignored it.
Inuyasha widened his eyes. "You... you thought about me? Me?" Everything that was happening seemed somewhat unreal to him. After Kikyo's betrayal, on top of the abuse he had received since childhood due to his own nature, it didn't seem real to him that she could somehow reciprocate his feelings.
"Uh-uh," she was so cute when embarrassed, he thought again. Kagome nodded and tried to hide her face in his chest, but Inuyasha prevented her from doing so; the realization made him more confident. He took her chin between two fingers and offered her a bright smile, then kissed her a second time, pressing his lips harder to hers.
"It doesn't matter Kikyo, now. It took me a while to figure it out, but I did." She looked like she wanted to rebut, but Inuyasha stopped her again. "I promise I'll explain everything, I swear. Now all you need to know is that I don't love her, not anymore at least. I don't even care about your relationship with her. I've come all this way, and I've had the time to think again and again. I just want you to tell me that I have a chance," he told her bluntly. Then he seemed to reconsider and, not believing his own ears, he added "and that I can kiss you again," he brought their faces closer, "and again..."
He broke the distance by stealing a third kiss from her that warmed him inside and confirmed that he belonged there, next to her.
Perhaps, taking away the pain and deception, running into Kikyo that night a few years ago had indeed been destiny. However, his fate had collided with Kikyo's only to allow him to meet Kagome.
They remained in the clearing for a while longer, oblivious to their duties. Finally, Kagome noticed the urn resting on the ground and Inuyasha explained to her the other reason for his visit. He omitted, for the moment, that his father wanted to personally come and give her his heartfelt thanks.
As she had expected, Kagome cried, but she was also very happy with what he and her father had done — Inuyasha had tried to tell her that it was really all thanks to his father. But she silenced him by stating he had come all the way to bring them to her personally. She also added Sango would be eternally grateful; she and Miroku had been betrothed.
Shortly thereafter, they decided to make their way to her hut and break the news to the others. Kagome also warned him that he might receive unpleasant looks from the villagers some of whom were particularly angry at the demons. He shrugged, but as they passed through the village, he took care to keep his distance from her to prevent the hatred from transferring.
When they finally reached Kagome's house, Inuyasha needed a moment to recover from that welcome. He thought that maybe since Rin was still a child, it was normal for her to show affection — maybe she hadn't been taught yet not to hug a half-demon so boldly —, but when old Kaede greeted him and handed him a cup of tea and a nice steaming soup, he decided their family was crazy.
Or special, his inner demon interjected.
Or special, Inuyasha agreed even though he had promised himself not to engage in conversation with the beast.
Kagome didn't want to wait until the end of the meal to announce the reason for Inuyasha's visit — the official one, at least — even though he thought that talking about the dead wasn't really a topic of conversation for dinner.
The bowl nearly fell from his hand when Sango tackled him into a hug. Although she still ached at the thought of her beloved, the slayer was very grateful to him for bringing Miroku home. During the evening, he also had a chance to thank him for what his father had done for her little brother and other young slayers. Inuyasha let slip that in the next few days she could tell him personally, and at that point, he also had to add that, in turn, his father wanted to express his gratitude to the family that had saved his son in his time of need.
Overall, although they had touched on delicate subjects, Inuyasha decided that in that small but cosy environment, there was an air of familiarity and love like he had never experienced.
During the night, Inuyasha decided to stand guard on the roof. He was still clueless about some things, despite his experience with Kikyo. Yet, even he knew better than to stay and sleep in a house full of women, no matter if invited. The weather wasn't a problem and the location also gave him the ability to make sure that nothing came to disturb the girls' sleep. The instinct to protect what was his was too strong in him.
The fact that he had stayed under the entire village's eyes on the roof of the hut did not stop the first women, at dawn, from coming to ask old Kaede about why one of those was their guest. At least, Inuyasha reflected, by that, they meant the demonic kind in its entirety and not him as a half-demon.
Kaede hadn't had time to open his mouth when Sango had come out, dressed in her slayer uniform and a giant boomerang on her shoulders — for what? She didn't want to use it on the village's women, didn't she? — and declared that he was the son of the man who had saved their boys from certain death. The young woman's furious look was enough to silence them all.
It's just a pity that once Inu-no-Taisho arrived, the murmuring would start again.
Two days later, Toga arrived in the village in a ball of light and greeted the inhabitants of the hut at the foot of the shrine with a bright smile that perfectly replicated that of her younger son. His aura exuded warmth and affection, as well as confidence and power. Kagome couldn't help but curl her lips upwards, despite her embarrassment at being in front of a figure of his calibre.
Then, before the sceptical eyes of most of the village and the gaping mouths of some of them, Toga bowed before the petite young woman. After a moment, she tried to make him understand that he absolutely should not indulge in such attitudes for her, but the dog demon would have none of it.
"I owe you everything, miko-sama," he exclaimed. "If you had not saved Inuyasha, my very life would have been forfeit; let me express my immense gratitude."
If so many people hadn't been present, Kagome would have had a hard time, years later, believing her mind hadn't played tricks on her. But it was all true... a dai-youkai of his calibre and size had bowed to her and told her he owed her an immeasurable debt.
The next thing she knew, Toga was an inch away from her and was taking her small hands in his, squeezing them gently and looking fixedly into her eyes. "Thank you for everything... Kagome-sama." Those golden eyes suddenly seemed clear to her, two mirrors within which she read love, so much so that her heart burst, but also sorrow and regret. At that moment, she was aware that the Inu-no-Taisho was not only thanking her for saving her son that night six months ago.
The young priestess nodded, unable to utter a word, and then the silence — which actually lasted much less than she would have thought — was interrupted by the murmurs and insinuations of the villagers, both new and old.
And while Kagome stepped back, and Inuyasha appeared beside her to make sure everything was alright — he knew the effect his father's imposing presence sometimes had on humans —, Toga looked around. With that wide, firm smile on his lips, he announced that he would gladly take part in the second ceremony in Miroku's honour. It had been decided that a few chosen people would say another prayer while his ashes were thrown to the wind. The elder demon's golden gaze met Sango's dark one to ask her permission, and the young woman nodded.
That night, when silence reigned in the village, broken only occasionally by the noise of the few animals still awake, Inuyasha and Kagome went to the Goshinboku. It had not been difficult, thanks to the half-demon's skills, to get there without being caught by prying eyes.
Over those two days, Inuyasha and Kagome had not only found each other again, but they had also discovered it was easier than it seemed to let go of all perplexity, awkwardness, and reluctance. Granted, Kagome was still much more inexperienced than Inuyasha, but she welcomed the half-demon's gentle, cautious caresses during their walks in the shadows of the forest, and midnight kisses.
Therefore, now they stood next to each other as Inuyasha's arms wrapped around her protectively — and possessively, she noted. They basked a little more in the warmth their respective bodies gave each other and in the comfortable silence of the night before the half-demon broke the ice.
"I would like to propose something, but first, I believe I owe you an explanation." Kagome looked up, met his golden eyes, and nodded almost imperceptibly; her accelerated heartbeat betrayed her agitated state of mind. Inuyasha took a deep breath and continued, "I can't deny that the attraction and feelings I've developed towards you have come at me out of the blue. I never expected to feel something like this so easily, as if it were the most natural thing in the world." It was a little too soon to use the word 'love', right? He didn't want to scare her. However, he noticed how her body stiffen and immediately tried to fix it. "No, wait... don't jump to conclusions, let me finish." This time he didn't meet her eyes for fear that whatever he read into them would undo all his efforts.
"I'm glad the way things turned out. For the first time I...I feel complete; I feel at home. I'd never felt anything like this, so I was also caught off guard and didn't know how to react at first." Easy, Inuyasha, don't use too many big words; that's not like you anyway. "I indeed had strong feelings for your sister, or at least I thought so. Before I tell you how things turned out, I'd like to make one more thing clear..." He lowered his gaze to her who was carefully studying his face as he spoke with a half frown between his eyebrows. He took her hand between his and lowered his voice even more as he didn't let her look away. "You shouldn't ever… ever think that what's between us now is an echo of what was between your sister and me. I like to think of you as two different entities because I realized that it wouldn't be right to sully your name with the memory of her."
Kagome winced at both the words he had chosen and the veil of rancour she could hear in his voice as he spoke of Kikyo. Inuyasha chuckled and freed one of his hands to run it through his hair, nervous. "Well... you see, I don't exactly have fond memories of your sister, but right now, what you should care about is... Geez! I had such a neat speech prepared, and instead, I'm rambling on, and I bet I'm not making you understand anything."
She ran a hand over his arm, squeezing it lightly and smiled to encourage him, and he resumed. "I don't want you to think one day that I'm with you, I chose you...because you remind me of her; absolutely not. I want it to be clear that I see you for who you are and that never will the memory of her be able to cover the image I have of you, either positively or negatively. You understand it, Kagome, don't you?"
"You like me for who I am...and not for once… once you felt for her." Kagome stumbled a little at the thought of what Inuyasha, the one she was certain she had feelings for, and her sister had once shared. "You're not interested in me just because of Kikyo and because I somehow look like her," she repeated like a diligent child.
Inuyasha tried to smile at her again, but it came out more of a grimace because of the tension he felt in his whole body; he nodded and then turned his gaze to the forest. "You don't look like her," he contradicted Kagome. "That much has been clear to me since that first time we met; subsequent thoughts and memories have only corroborated my thesis."
Silence fell between them for a few minutes, and they both contemplated the darkness of the night before Kagome ventured to speak again. "It's a good thing you told me, Inuyasha..." she began. "As much as I love my sister — may the Gods continue to protect her wherever she is now — I can't deny that constantly living in her shadow weighed on me. It didn't help that, as I grew up, I took to physically resemble her in some traits. But here you are... more agitated than you really should be… and you don't how to tell me that I don't remind you of her and that you appreciate me for who I am. That's so much more than anyone has ever done for me; you don't know how much that means to me. Especially since I know that hadn't we broached the subject, sooner or later the doubt would have started to wear me down."
Inuyasha held her even tighter in his arms, unable to put what he was feeling at that moment into words or explain why his heart was beating so fast. He kissed the top of her head and held her close to him for a moment longer. "Do you believe me?" he asked in a weak voice.
"Of course," Kagome replied immediately, fast enough that he didn't doubt for a nanosecond the sincerity of her words. "I know what I saw in your eyes a moment ago, Inuyasha."
"Good. Then suffice it to say that what was between Kikyo and I was never real, and what I thought I felt for her was but a smidgen of what I feel for you now. I want to see where this takes us, and I want to do it without the shadow of the past looming over us." He paused for a second to choose his next words carefully. "I told you I owed you an explanation... and I don't want to deny you that I once thought Kikyo was my soulmate, but... I can't tell you why it ended between us; I don't want my poisoned memory to taint the pure, happy one you have of her. Do you understand me? It's enough for me that you know it's all in the past, that you believe it."
With some effort, Kagome weaselled out of his grasp, and Inuyasha feared he had said too much, that he was wrong, then she looked up at him and extended a hand to his cheek; he basked in the contact and closed his eyes for a second before she responded. "It's enough for me...it's enough for me that you were honest with me and didn't minimize what you thought was between you or the enormity of the feeling you had for her. Kikyo is part of what little is left of my family, thus, I also appreciate you wanting to preserve the memory I have of her." She took a pause, then began again. Her hand was still resting on his cheek, their eyes still glued together. "I want to try, too, Inuyasha; I want to have the chance to fall in love..." his breath hitched, "with you."
At that point, Inuyasha couldn't resist any longer and, in an instant, he was an inch from her face, his lips pressed against her full, rosy ones; one hand encircled her waist to press her body as much as possible against him, another cupped her face. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss, slowly his tongue made its way into her mouth, and he savoured her powerful, fresh, overwhelming scent.
After the initial daze, Kagome responded to the kiss, taking part in it with a passion that amazed even her. She clutched at the fabric of his robe with both hands — she was afraid her strength would leave her at any moment — and pressed her lips against Inuyasha's, met his equally eager tongue, explored his mouth.
When they stopped, both were out of breath. Although they both were hot, though, Inuyasha didn't allow her to leave his embrace and continued to hold her close at the waist. He leaned his forehead against hers and kept his eyes closed as he tried to regain control of his body, his instincts, and the sanity he was sure he had lost as he kissed her. "I... here... I mean."
She chuckled when she noticed he was again embarrassed, but since she made no effort to add anything, Inuyasha guessed that Kagome, like him, was at a loss for words.
"You don't know how much this means to me. Especially knowing that we could start this..." what was he supposed to call it? Relationship? Courtship? In the end, he chose a fairly neutral word, "...rapport with each other with sincerity."
"That brings us back to your proposal," she recalled, finding her words again.
"Mine? Ah...uh, my proposal, sure." He scratched the back of his head nervously. "Well, uh, since there's no doubt or uncertainty between us now, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a trip...with me?"
"A trip? With you?" Kagome gasped. How could he have thought such a thing was possible? They weren't married; the leaders of the spiritual community would never agree to let her go off with a man alone, a demon to boot, and who knows for how long. Not to mention the fact they had already made it clear to her, in no uncertain terms, that she should remain a virgin for the rest of her life and devote herself solely to her vocation.
In a couple of days since Inuyasha had returned, she had naively hoped that they might turn a blind eye if she promised to continue doing her duty. Now she realized it was a vain hope. No way were they going to approve of her relationship with a half-demon — or any human, for that matter — she was their prisoner now, and they weren't going to give her up given the scarcity of people with a good deal of spiritual power. Let her go? Out of the question.
Inuyasha sensed the growing anxiety, felt her heart beat furiously in her chest, saw her eyes dilate, and hurried to retract. "No, no, wait..." he let her go and waved his hands in front of him, believing she had misunderstood his motives. "I wasn't proposing anything untoward; I wouldn't dare. I... that is… I just wanted an opportunity to get to know each other away from certain duties and constraints. I had already thought about going on this journey and taking a break. I thought… I thought... nothing, dammit!" he covered his face, all the happiness from before vanished. "I'm just a fool; that's what I am. Of course, I shouldn't have said such things to an unmarried woman; we shouldn't even be out here. Who knows what people would think. And I even kissed you! Damn!" he repeated.
He continued the litany of words unsuitable for the ears of an innocent girl that he addressed mostly to himself until Kagome's delicate fingers tried to move his hands from his face. The sad and resigned look she gave him broke his heart even more. He froze unable to speak. "Oh, Inuyasha..."
He was taken aback by what he read in her now dull eyes. "I don't understand."
"I don't give a damn what people might think. If that were the case I would never have saved your life that night, I wouldn't have taken you with me to the village when you returned, I wouldn't have gone with you tonight, but...I'm afraid my life no longer belongs to me; I no longer have decision-making power over it."
"What are you saying? Of course, you do...who should decide for you? You don't have a father, a grandfather...a brother. Kaede? I thought she liked me. Was that just a front? You think she'd give you trouble? You don't want to give her a hard time? What?" He frantically questioned her with his eyes as well but continued to find nothing but resignation.
"No. Kaede would never impose herself that much in my life; she's not even a blood relative of mine. But Inuyasha...don't you see? After the war, our spiritual community was reduced to a minimum; they imposed duties on me that I never wanted, previously meant for Kikyo, even more so. They told me that my only task from now on would be to serve the gods and take care of the shrine, to instruct future spiritualists; they gave me no other choice."
"And you let them do that?" Inuyasha asked, horrified at the future that lay before her; at the way, some old geezers — the same ones who were in part the cause of the deaths — had stolen such a pure and innocent soul without even asking her permission.
"What was I supposed to do? I have no one, Inuyasha; you said it yourself. I have no father who can speak for me, no older brother. I am only an unmarried woman, and as such, I must answer to those at the top of our state." He lowered his face helplessly.
"Bullshit!" the half-demon blurted out, standing up and nearly knocking her over as a result. Then he swiftly leaned over her and helped her to her feet. "Bullshit," he repeated. "If these old farts think they can go back to being in charge and doing whatever they want, they're sorely mistaken." He had his back to her and then crouched down in front of her, signalling for her to get on. "Come on!" he ordered her somewhat brusquely, but she obeyed anyway. "It's getting late; I need to get you home. We'll talk about it tomorrow."
When they reached the back of her hut, Inuyasha gently caressed her cheek and then graced it with his lips. He wished her a good night before leaving her while in their eyes the torment still dominated, and every trace of the happiness that had caught them at the discovery of their mutual feeling had disappeared.
A/N: Next chapter will be the last one. I hope you liked this one and everything was clear to you all, but, if not, let me know!
Until next time!