Chapter 10: Sorry won't cut it

Edward POV:

´We might talk this through again tomorrow...´

Bella went back to sleep after that. I didn't know how to react to that. Part of me wanted nothing more than to stay with her, watch her sleep and talk to her again the minute she would wake up. Apologize, over and over, until she would forgive me if she could after the things I´ve done to her.

The rational part of me knew that that wasn't an option. She wasn't exactly pleased to see me again, and I could not blame her for that. But, even if she wasn't pleased to see me, she still wanted to talk things through. And that was more than I deserved.

I felt the hospital and went to our family home in Forks. Only Alice was there, but soon our family would relocate here again. Once we noted Bella wasn´t in a critical condition as Alice told me, I made the decision I would come back here. I could not leave Bella alone and I´ve wanted nothing more than to live as close to her as possible.

As expected, Carlisle could easily get his job back at the hospital. He was an excellent doctor and he told his former boss his wife could not get used to the big city of New York. He could start again next week. Esme was beyond thrilled once she heard the news that I've wanted to come back to Forks. She loved Bella and wanted nothing more than to see us work things out in the future.

Rosalie was a different story. She never knew what I saw in Bella and what pull she had over me. But, she saw how I coped without her and acknowledged that I was a different person without Bella in my life. And Emmett almost couldn't wait to see her again. The little banter they jokingly shared always lightened the mood and he missed those little chats.

How different that was for Jasper. He felt immensely guilty and dreaded going to school again and seeing Bella. Even though she immediately said it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't feel guilty about it, he still did. Now that we would return, we made sure he would feed more often to assure incidents like those would not happen again.

I entered the house and went straight to Alice´s room. She had already seen how my talk with Bella went, so I would not have to waste time explaining it to her. She was almost jumping up and down and seeing how excited she was brought a small grin to my face.

´Calm down, she even thought she was hallucinating at first.´

´Don´t tell me to calm down Edward. We will see her again tomorrow at school! I can´t wait. What shall I wear? And she thought she was hallucinating because she's in a hospital with a head injury. Of course, she did not believe it at first. Give it some time. But I´m so excited,´ she burst out. Even I had some trouble understanding her excited exclaims. But I had to give it to her, her agitation was contagious. We would see her again! Tomorrow! At school!

´I know, I know. You´ve missed her too. But she wasn't pleased seeing me again so don't get your hopes up too high,´ I tried to calm her.

´Even if she's mad at us, I'm still happy to finally see her again. You weren´t the only one who missed her, you know.´

´I know and I´m sorry for asking you to stay away from her...´ I looked outside the window before I continued. ´Speaking of staying away from Bella, how´s Jasper? I know he's still blaming himself for everything. If he continues his feeding schedule as it is right now, he should not have to stay away from her more than Bella wants us to.´

Alice looked quizzically at me. ´Jasper´s fine. A bit scared to return as he is ashamed for how he reacted that day. And what do you mean with Bella?´

´Well…,´ I didn't want to change her enthusiasm. ´No, nothing. It´s fine.´ I smiled at her. She didn't return my smile so I changed the subject and asked her; ´let me see the outfits you have planned to wear tomorrow. Maybe I can help you chose one.´ She jumped up and rushed to her closet. Sometimes, it was way too easy to distract Alice. The truth is, I´m scared Bella would want nothing to do with us. I hoped and prayed that wasn´t the case, but a part of me was terrified by that thought.

Bella POV:

There were two things I knew for sure. One, the Cullens were back. The CD on my bed was the only explanation that I hadn't imagined Edward standing next to my bed at the hospital. Second, I would have to return to the hospital because I would die from embarrassment. Embarrassment since I had to be driven to school by a police car, for a whole month.

Sitting next to Charlie right now wasn't the problem. The problem would arise on our way back, once he had heard that the Cullens had returned and wanted to ask me how I was doing. I didn't want to have that conversation. I really didn't.

Unfortunately for me, I must have incurred some bad karma in a past life. Once Charlie's police car rode up the school's parking lot, one expensive and shiny car grabbed both our attention. Edward´s car. Charlie knew it. I knew it. We both knew it. I glanced over at my dad, and seeing how his knuckles were white from grabbing the steering wheel made me smile. He was angry. He never was, but Edward leaving me made his blood boil.

´It's alright, Dad.´

´I never knew they were back. How are you holding up, Bells?´

´I´ll manage, you know I will,´ I assured him.

He sighed. He must be so worried about me right now. I mean, he saw how I coped with Edward leaving me and it wasn't always pretty.

´Just…. take care, okay?´

I hugged him. It was quite awkward to do so in a car, but I wanted to assure him I could handle it.

´Well, wish me luck I guess.´ I smiled at him. ´Don´t worry Dad, I'm a big girl. I can take it.´

And with that, I hopped out of the car and waved him goodbye. In mere seconds, Jessica and Angela stood next to me. One would think they were vampires with the speed they rushed over to me.

´Omg Bella, have you seen IT?!´ Jessica angrily yelled.

´How are you holding up, Bella?´ Angela asked in a much calmer tone. I was moved by their outburst and support.

´I´ve seen it. Charlie as well,´ I explained.

´How dare he just return, how dare he?´ Jessica looked furious. I have never seen her this agitated before, it almost made me scared.

´How did your dad react?´ Angela asked while grabbing my hand and giving it a tight squeeze.

´I am… shocked to see the Cullens have returned,´ I explained. ´Charlie was angry, as expected and for me… I don´t know. I really don't know.

Jessica quickly hugged me. ´Don´t you worry about anything, Bella? We will ignore that piece of shit together.´ She reassured me.

Both Angela and I had to laugh at her sudden outburst. Oh, how I love them both. And I knew they were right.

Once Edward left, I had to sit alone during all of my classes since we sat together everywhere. But when Jessica and Angela took me under their wing, they managed to sit next to me in turns. So half of the time, I sat next to Jessica and during the other classes, I sat next to Angela. Some lessons I had to sit alone, the ones they did not take.

Like biology. My third period.

Don´t think about that! I will manage, I have to.

´Thank you, guys. Let's just ignore it, please.´ I said as I started walking towards our first period; English. As we arrived, I sat down next to Angela, while Jessica sat in front of us. A little barricade from Edward. I would definitely need that. As much as I didn't want to, I was anxious to see him again. That one time in the hospital did not seem real. I was still debating if it even was real and if he would even show up today. I did not want to get my hopes up. If you could even call that feeling in the pit of my stomach that.

And then… he arrived. His light brown hair with a reddish glint was styled into a messy ´out of bed´ look. He was wearing a simple black shirt with jeans, but his sculpted chest made all clothing immediately look designer. It was so unfair, why did he look so good? This was a losing battle, this isn't even fair. But the worst was yet to come because now he looked up and met my eyes. Those eyes, amber again, made my knees weak. And I knew for sure, made my heartbeat quicken so he could hear. Damn it. I didn't want to. But a different feeling also took over. Wait a minute, those eyes betrayed me. Those eyes lied to me. Those eyes left me half a year ago. How could he? How could he do that to me?

I narrowed my eyes at him and turned to face Angela. She kept a close eye on me, to see how I would react. I smiled at her, giving her a wink to reassure her I was fine. I was fine. I could ignore him, ignore this feeling he held over me, and all would be okay again. I believe Jessica watched him like a hawk, giving him the evil eye, as he did not come closer to us and instead sat in front of the classroom.

Our teacher arrived, and I tried my best not to glance at Edward. He had probably noticed the stronger bond I had with both Angela and Jessica. That felt good. I wasn't a sad excuse of a person, desperately waiting for her ex-boyfriend to return. No, I´ve made friends along the way and had a closer bond now with my dad than ever. I could do this. I could ignore him. I could get over him. I was sure of that.

The lesson ended, and Edward stood up. He turned around and walked over to us. But before he could reach us, Jessica also quickly stood up and blocked our way.

´I think you´ve done enough,´ she said. Her harsh tone did not upset Edward. I tried my best to ignore him, as I packed my stuff and also stood up. After a few seconds, Angela followed my cue to leave.

´Please Jessica, I only need a minute to explain myself to Bella,´ he said. He used his horrible, horrible powers. I knew Jessica did not stand a chance against them. His big devoting eyes were pleading with Jessica to get a minute alone with me. I saw her visibly buckle under his pressure.

´I mean….,´ she stuttered. Poor Jessica.

´It's okay, Jess. Thanks,´ I needed to save her.

´As for you,´ I turned around to face Edward. Do not look at his eyes, do not look at his eyes! ´I´ll see you during Biology. Whatever it is you need to say to me can wait till then.´

He nodded in response before he left. I had to take a deep breath to calm my nerves. Damn it! Angela grabbed my hand again.

´You did well, Bella. I´m proud of you. You were polite but you took control. You´ve got this,´ she assured me.

´Oh Bella, I´m sorry I could not stop him, I really tried,´ Jessica responded.

´It's okay, really. I´ll just hear him out, see whatever it is he has to say to me.´ I really didn't know what it could be. Or at least, I had a very, very good guess but I didn't want to think about that right now.

As we walked over to our second period, I felt a strong hand on my shoulders. I turned around to see Jasper, standing just a few feet away from me, avoiding my eyes. Jessica looked over her shoulders to see why I wasn´t walking next to her anymore. She saw Jasper and looked at me, to see if I needed any help. I never had a problem with Jasper, so I could easily listen to whatever he had to say to me. I gave Jessica a smile, and she got the hint and continued walking.

´Bella, I´m so sorry for all of this,´ Jasper shyly explained. I looked around and saw that we were the only ones in the hallway before I answered him.

´It's not your fault, Jasper. I was never angry at you,´ I responded. Meaning, there were other Cullens I was angry at. I knew he had also heard that in my reply. He wanted to respond to that but I quickly added; ´Whatever happened six months ago was a stupid accident. Nothing more. But how… How... He responded to that. That had nothing to do with you. So I´ve never been angry at you,´ I explained myself. I had to stutter a lot and I was very thankful he didn't make a remark on that.

´He meant well, I promise,´ he told me.

´That doesn´t matter, Jasper. It doesn't take away the fact he lied. And lying is never the answer. I appreciate that you've apologised but there was really no need for that.´ I became a bit agitated. He noticed and said; ´thank you for listening to me, I won't keep you any longer.´ He smiled down at me. ´And good luck in Maths.´

´Thank you, guess I´ll need that. I´ll better run now.´ I returned his smile and jogged to my classroom. This time, I sat next to Jessica. Edward didn´t take this class so we could quietly discuss the recent events. Jessica was impatiently sitting and almost jumped up as soon as she saw me walking over to her.

´What happened?´ she whispered.

´It was just Jasper. He wanted to apologize to me. I told him I was never angry at him, but I still appreciated the gesture, you know.´

´Alright, I'll guess that's decent. But you know damn well I wasn't talking about him. Talk about… Edward. How are you feeling? I can try to skip next period and sit next to you if you want?´

´Oh Jess, that won't be necessary. I´ll just hear him out and that's it. It won't have to be way more complicated than it is already.´ And I really wanted to hear what he had to say to me.

´If you´re sure about that,´ she looked sceptical. Just as I wanted to reassure her one last time, class started. I tried to pay attention and ignore the growing pit in my stomach. It was even harder right now compared to our last class since I was very anxious to talk with Edward again. As the bell rang, I shoved my stuff into my backpack. Jessica wished me good luck one last time and I walked towards our Biology classroom.

However, before I could reach it, I felt another cold and strong hand on my shoulder. Wait a minute… I turned around and faced Alice. What a deja-vu. Almost all Cullens wanted to talk to me today. I almost thought it was funny. I must have smiled, as Alice´s face lit up and she reached out to hug me.

Wait, wait. No. As calm as I was facing Jasper, I wasn't calm seeing Alice again. Jasper was not to blame, as he simply followed orders. But Alice was my friend as well. And she did not reach out to me. At all. And that hurt. A lot.

´Don't hug me, Alice.´ I said. Her face immediately fell and I almost felt guilty. Almost.

´I´m so sorry Bella,´ she started. ´I tried to discourage him but he wouldn't listen to me.´ I avoided looking directly into her eyes. I needed to say to her that she hurt me as well.

´Sorry won't cut it, Alice. You left me as well. You also hurt me.´ It felt good saying that out loud. I mean, what did they expect me to do? Run over to them? No, they needed to know I was hurt and still am.

´I really tried, you have to believe me. Please,´ she begged.

´I don't have to, Alice. Since I now know what great liars you all are,´ I bitterly said. Regret immediately followed. Alice looked defeated, her shoulders were hanging, her face fell and she looked down to the ground as if I had slapped her. Maybe I was being too harsh on her. But damn it, they were toying with my head. I didn't know how to react anymore. I've wanted to apologize to her but something in me said; no. Don´t. Don't apologize. Give them a little taste of their own medicine. Be a bitch. They deserve it.

Without a word, I turned around and walked over towards the other problem I had yet to face. Biology. Edward. I had my poker face on and the day could not get any worse. So bring it on, I´m ready to fight.