Chapter 11: Biology
Edward POV:
Alright, so my little morning chat with Bella did not go exactly as planned, but that was okay. She wanted to talk to me in Biology, and I held onto that thought. We would get a minute alone, and I needed that since her friends really blocked my way. I´ve heard Jessica´s thoughts and those weren't pretty.
Who does he think he is? I won't let him hurt Bella again. Not on my watch.
And the worst part of it all was that she was right. I did hurt her and I could not make that right.
As expected, Jasper tried to apologize to Bella and as expected, she immediately forgave him. We´ve told Jasper a billion times before that Bella was in no way angry at him, but I felt relieved he could hear it with his own ears. Bella was never angry at him, she was angry at me.
Her little talk with Jessica proved that.
Once her second lesson was finished, she walked over to Biology. I was already sitting there, patiently waiting for her to sit next to me. However, before she could reach the classroom, Alice had stopped her.
I heard Alice´s thoughts and listened in on their conversation. I know, not exactly a nice thing to do but desperate times called for desperate measures.
There she is! I can't believe it. Would she mind if I hugged her? No, she would mind that. Let me just place my hand on her shoulder, don´t want to scare her away.
Oh, she must have missed me too. She smiles at me, so she´s happy to see me. Come closer Bella, let me hug you.
Wait, she doesn't want me to hug her? She looks so angry. This is your fault, Edward!
Please believe me, Bella. I really tried to discourage him. Please look at me, see the truth in my eyes. You have to believe me, I also didn't want this. I´ve never wanted this. I´m also hurt by this.
I would never lie to you, Bella….
Edward, I know you are listening right now. This is all your fault!
I flinched. Alice was right, this was all my fault. But believe me, I will try to make things right again. I have to. I heard Bella approach the classroom door. She deeply inhaled one last time before entering. And I was directly mesmerized by her beauty. She was furious. All her movements screamed I´M ANGRY as she walked over to our place. In her eyes, I saw a raging fire burning to get out. Her mouth was a thin line, probably thinking about ways to insult me. She sat down next to me and directly started.
´So, apparently, all Cullens want something from me today. And what do you want?´ It was very clear she was immensely annoyed. Some heads turned around to watch us, as I'm sure we would be quite the spectacle in this tiny school, located in this tiny town. The long lost boyfriend finally returned. How would his ex react to that?
´I´m so sorry, Bella..´ I started. She directly interrupted me, holding her hands in front of her to stop me.
´Yeah, yeah. I´m sorry, I´m sorry. I´ve heard that line enough already. What exactly do you want?´
For us to make up and start dating again. But I could not tell her that already. It would only make her angrier. I looked directly into her eyes, and I heard her heartbeat react to that. Even if she was this angry at me, her heart reacted to me being close to her. That gave me a small sense of hope, which pushed me to my next answer.
´To just have two minutes alone with you, to tell you how sorry I am. Please, that's all I'm asking. And we can't talk openly here, class is soon starting.´ I tried to use that excuse to get her alone for a few minutes. Hopefully, it will work.
´Why would I give you even a minute of my time?´ That hurt, but unfortunately, she was right. Why should she?
´You have every right to deny my request. I just really need to set some things straight.´ She closed her eyes for a few seconds before she opened them again. She saw our teacher arriving and putting her books on her desk. Bella knew we only had a few seconds left of this conversation, so she faced me again and said; ´Fine, just a few minutes during our lunch break, that's all.´ She grabbed her phone, opened a group chat with Jessica and Angela and told them she would skip lunch with them to hear me out. Jessica responded with an angry faced emoji while Angela wished her good luck.
I would talk to her after this lesson. She wanted to hear me out. I was thrilled. It was absolutely more than I deserved. The class soon started and Bella pretended I wasn't there. She continued to ignore me for the rest of the lesson. Once the bell rang, she put her books into her bag and turned to face me, a bit calmer now.
´Lead the way.´
I also readied myself, before I felt the familiar anxious feeling return to my stomach. I did not want to mess this up, not again.
We left the classroom and walked over to the trees behind the school building. We had spent some happier moments there, and I hoped the serene scenery did calm Bella a bit more. Before we left the building, people turned around to watch us, to see how we would react to each other. I heard their thoughts, they were wondering what the hell Bella did, walking next to me after I had hurt her. Everyone was right. I tried to ignore them and instead focussed myself on the girl walking next to me. The girl that holds my heart. The girl that was the centre of my whole universe. My everything.
We arrived, and I turned around to face her.
´You have every right to be angry at me, at my family,´ I started.
´That's right. You lied and you left, who does that?´ I was taken aback by her direct comeback. I had no idea what the best approach was to respond to her.
´I really thought it would be better for you in the long run. I didn't want to endanger you any longer. I wanted to keep you safe and I thought I was doing that by leaving you. I now see that I hurt you in other ways and I´m so tremendously sorry for that. More than you know.´ I looked at her and she didn't look away. She must have seen the truth in my eyes because she was a lot calmer than before.
´I can understand that, Edward. I really can. But lying instead of talking to me… I don't appreciate that. I don´t know if I can ever trust you again after that. And I hate that feeling.´ Tears started to roll down her face. I took a step in her direction but she took a step back, maintaining the distance between us. She wiped her tears away.
´And you completely vanished for half a year! How can I know for sure that you´ll stay this time?´ she continued angrily.
´Bella, I can't ever leave you again. Being away from you nearly broke me. I am nothing without you.´ I pleaded. No, I begged. Please believe me, Bella. I need you in my life.
´That still doesn't change anything about me not trusting you. I don´t know if you´ll leave again. I really don't know that.´ She looked at me with swollen eyes and I knew I had absolutely messed up. I had to gain her trust back somehow.
´I´ll stay this time. I promise. seeing you in a hospital bed broke me. I can't lose you. Not again.´ That had awakened something inside her. She looked away, trying to get her quickened breath under control before she continued.
´What's different now compared to six months ago? Nothing, right? You act as if I´m some delicate china doll and maybe compared to your strength, I indeed am. But I'm not stupid. I know the risks of dating you. I'm aware of the danger I put myself in.´ She looked at me again, with pure sadness in her eyes. ´But you decided by yourself.´
´What's different is that I now know I can't stay away from you. I really need you, Bella. Please. Tell me what I need to do to gain your trust back somehow. I´ll do anything,´ I quietly added.
Bella looked away again and fell silent for a few minutes. A few horrible minutes. If only I could hear her thoughts. I had no idea what she was thinking right now. Could she ever trust me again? She quietly mumbled the next few words that broke my heart.
´I want you to stay away from me.´ No. No no no. Anything but that! I can't do that. Please tell me I heard wrong. Please!
´You don't mean that.´
´But I do, Edward. This is all too much, can´t you see that? You can't just disappear and reappear every time you want to. And just because I had an accident? Humans have accidents all the time! I can't take this.´ She looked so defeated and I hated myself for letting her feel that way.
´Please, Bella.´ I would beg her on my knees. I would stay on my knees for centuries. Please don´t mean this. But she got agitated again.
´No Edward. No ´please Bella.´ I mean it. I really mean it. I want you to leave me alone. You could decide our future, and now it's my turn,´ she pointed her finger at me. ´I want to be left alone by you and your family. Definitely for now, since I need to gather my thoughts about all of you. So I need to know for sure you won't leave again.´ It broke my heart even further hearing her say those things. She wanted to be separated from us, to believe we were really here again.
´If that's what you want, I'll do it,´ I assured her.
´And this goes without saying, but I also don't want you to go to my house in the evening. I want us to ignore each other. I don´t want to talk to any Cullen right now,´ she continued.
´You have my word, Bella. We won't bother you any further.´
´Okay. Thanks, I'll guess.´ And with that, the bell rang, meaning our lunch break ended. Bella gave me a small smile to show me our fight had ended, and she turned around and left. She had to walk quickly to be in time for her next period. I stood still, unable to move as the realisation hit me she wanted to be left alone for now. She did not want to talk to any of us. And I simply did not know what to do or how to cope with this.
Bella POV:
I arrived just in time for French. I was absolutely grateful to sit next to Angela, as Jessica would probably tear me to shreds for my little conversation with Edward. Just as I sat down, they both turned around with a quizzical look into their eyes.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I looked at it, to see our group chat almost exploding with questions regarding Edward. I smiled a bit and took the hint that we needed to talk via messenger and respond to their questions. I told them Edward would leave me alone. Really leave me alone this time. I told them we talked things through and that I now understood his reasoning for leaving. I told them I was hurt and upset, but not for him leaving me, but for him lying about it. I could not tell them everything for obvious reasons, but I hoped that I was clear enough and that I provided them with good answers.
Both Jessica and Angela seemed pleased with those answers. As soon as the lesson ended, Jessica turned around with a smile.
´I could not have done a better job. Well done girl.´
´I´m pleased with the outcome, but that was enough drama for one day, don´t you think?´ I responded to both of them.
´The drama is just getting started. We have volleyball next period. Please, let this day be over already,´ Angela moaned.
´Oh no, I almost forgot. Your ex returning is nothing compared to that terror,´ I sarcastically replied while rolling my eyes. We all had to laugh a bit, taking the edge off of this whole bizarre day.
As expected, volleyball was horrible. But what was even more horrible was the car ride with Charlie I had to endure just now. He probably had so many questions about Edward and I did not want to answer a single one of them.
Before Charlie arrived, I walked outside for a bit. I saw Edward´s silver Volvo and him standing next to it, probably waiting for Alice and Jasper so they could return to their home. Their home in Forks. It was still weird. I quickly looked away, but we´ve already made eye contact. He looked sad, defeated almost. And just as with Alice, I felt guilty. And just as with Alice, I told myself to grow a pair. I did not want to talk to any Cullen right now, and I certainly meant that. Alice and Jasper came, got in the car and they drove away. I imagined Edward had already told them since none of them made eye contact with me. Good. Exactly what I wanted. Good.
Charlie came and I sat next to him. Before he could open his mouth to ask me exactly what happened today, I beat him to it.
´The Cullens are indeed back. They are very sorry for leaving. But I'm pissed they even left in the first place so I told them I didn't want to talk with them. They respected that.´ I could tell my dad even less than I could tell Jessica and Angela, but this explanation seemed to satisfy his curiosity. He hummed a bit and drove away.
I could almost not believe how easy that was. Almost too easy… Once we arrived home, he stopped the car and faced me.
´Bells…,´ he looked uncomfortable. ´You know you can tell me anything, right? You don't have to be braver than you are with this. I know it must be hard on you.´
´Oh Dad, the day had been long enough already. I really don't want to talk about the Cullens right now.´ I reached out to grab his hand. ´But I still appreciate your effort.´ I smiled at him.
We went into the house and I started cooking, a hobby of mine. I would even dare to say I´m very good at it. Charlie stood in the kitchen.
´I forgot to tell you, I´m going fishing with Billy this weekend so you can have Jacob over.´ Well, look at that. Marvellous news indeed. My face must have lit up and Charlie started laughing.
´Knew you would react like that.´
Yes, yes, yes. Just after the day I had, this was a wonderful prospect indeed. Jacob would not ask questions. We would not talk about Edward or things like that. We would simply just have some fun. I almost couldn't wait. I put a simple stew in the oven and walked to the telephone to call Jacob and tell him the good news. On the second ring, he answered.
´Ey Bells. What´s up?´
´Jake! Our dads are away this weekend. Wanna meet up?´
´Sure, sure. What do you wanna do?´
´Movie marathon?´
´Only if it´s not some dumb rom-com, I´m game.´
´You know what, you bring the movies, I´ll make the snacks. Deal?´
´Sounds like a plan.´
He was quiet for a few seconds before he continued. ´Hey, Bells… I've heard Edward returned. How are you holding up?´
´Who told you that?´
´Charlie told Billy. But that's beside the point. Are you alright?´
´I´ll have a little word with him later...´
´Bells..´
´Alright, alright. Jeez. I´m fine, Jake. They apologized to me but I´m still mad. I've told them to leave me alone.´
´Playing devil's advocate right now, but don't you think that´s a bit harsh? I mean, they did try to apologize to you..´
´Whose side are you on?´
´Yours, you know that.´
´Just… don´t talk about them anymore. Please? I don't want the Cullens to ruin my joyful mood.´
´So this is your joyful mood then? Hmm, don´t want to get to know what your bad mood is.´
´Whatever Jake. Goodbye.´
I hang up. I wasn't even mad at Jacob but I still reacted very poorly. No, I overreacted. He did not deserve that. I tried to call him back but he did not pick up. I instead messaged him.
Sorry Jake, did not mean to be a bitch. Pls forgive me? xxx
That will have to do. The food was ready and Charlie and I ate dinner in peace. I gave him a piece of my mind, telling him I did not like it that he told Billy about the return of the Cullens. After dinner, I went to my room to do my homework. When I went to bed, Jacub still hadn't answered. Weird. that wasn't like him at all!