Happy Friday (and happy December). Unfortunately, the timing on this doesn't quite work so we'll have to do a spring chapter for Christmas time.
I hope it'll brighten the season for you, though, as your reviews do for me. On this note, I'd also like to thank all of you who're still reading this story. I know I promised generous helpings of the Montgomeries and the original SGH gang, and we're getting there - but things need to develop a little further with Mark and Addison first.
So, please enjoy this chapter and leave a review :)
April 2005
"Come on in," she said with a big smile as she opened the door to the Hamptons house for Savvy and Weiss. "I was just thinking about how long it's been since we were last up here together, Sav."
"Way too long," the blonde woman answered emphatically. "I'm so glad we're doing this, though, I just really need a break. I've had this monster case, some multinational cooperation, and I've been going back and forth between London and San Francisco, never in my own time zone – I'm beat. I'm just going to sleep all day long this weekend!"
Weiss laughed a little, giving Addison an easy smile. "I'll leave the two of you to catch up on that," he said. "Where's Derek?"
"He didn't call you?" Addison asked, feeling faintly embarrassed at her friends' questioning glances even as her brain told her that there was nothing she should be feeling bad about. "He's trying to start a clinical trial for Alzheimer's patients, and he flew up to Boston yesterday to charm some professor at Harvard Med."
"Oh, why didn't you say anything, sweetie?" Savvy asked, placing her hand on Addie's forearm. "You didn't need to drive up here alone, we could've taken you with us."
She laughed a little. "I didn't come up alone. Derek had already asked Mark if he wanted to come before this thing came up, so I got a ride with him. You have met his daughter, right?"
Savvy nodded. "We've seen them around town once or twice, but I don't think she knows who we are."
"No worries then. He and Annie are upstairs somewhere putting away their stuff, but they'll be down again in a second. You know what that means, though, right Weiss? You'll have to talk about breast implants instead of craniotomies for the next two days," the redhead added jokingly.
"I want to say that's the better topic anyways. I've got to say, sometimes I'm almost jealous of the guy, he probably sees more in a week than most men see in a lifetime –" he broke off when Savvy slapped his arm, right as Mark came down the stairs with Annie.
"You only have to see them once I'm done," the blonde man bragged. "I have this thing that I always want to leave a city a little prettier upon departure than it was when I got there, and so far, it's been working out great for me. Not that any of you lovely ladies need it," he added hastily at Savvy's annoyed glare.
"You go away and leave that child here before you corrupt her entirely," the lawyer said snappishly as Annie looked at her shyly, tightening her grip on her father.
"Hey baby," Addison caught the toddler's attention. "This is Savvy, she's a really good friend of mine. We have known each other forever. I've known her even longer than I've known your daddy. Do you want to meet her?"
Annie still looked somewhat uncertain as Mark transferred her from his arms to Addison. "She's really nice, and she makes really great blueberry pie."
"I like blueberry pie," Annie confirmed, not looking quite so hesitant anymore.
"Tell you what, we can try to get blueberries tomorrow, or if that doesn't work out, I'll make you a pie soon, with homemade whipped cream and everything" Savvy promised her.
"Can I help?" the toddler asked, sounding intrigued.
The blonde woman nodded enthusiastically. "Of course! I need my sous-chef; how would I ever succeed at making really good flaky pastry without you?"
"Grandma Shepherd says I'm a really good baker. I made pie with her on Thanksgiving," Annie reported proudly.
"Alright, you bakers, let's take this to the kitchen," Addie said. "Mark and Weiss, would you mind opening the pool for later? The housekeeper should've already turned on the water heating and taken out the lounge chairs, so that's the only thing still to do if we want to go swimming later."
"And when you're done, Weiss, you can take our luggage up. I'm assuming we have the same room as always?" Savvy asked her friend, watching Addison nod.
"When have we become pool boy and bell boy?" Mark grumbled a little. "It's a good thing I'm so self-confident, otherwise I would get a serious complex from this."
"You should be getting a complex," Weiss joked as he followed Mark outside. "I'm married to that harpy over there so if I want to be getting any, I have to do what she says but you don't even have a girlfriend and you're whipped."
They heard Mark laugh heartily at that as Addison turned to the toddler again. "Do you want some water, honey?" she asked Annie who was looking after her father. The little girl just shook her head. "Do you want to go explore a bit?"
"Can I?" Big brown eyes looked at her hopefully.
Addie nodded. "But you have to promise me something, like a big girl."
"Yes," Annie replied solemnly.
"Do you see the flowers behind the terrace?" The little girl nodded earnestly. "You can go up to the flowers so that I can see you, but you cannot go any farther without me or your Daddy. There is a deep pool and some tools that the groundkeeper uses, and it can be dangerous on your own, alright? Daddy or I will take you to the pool later, but when you're on your own you have to stay on this side of the flowers."
Annie nodded again before she hugged the woman tightly, a big grin on her face before she ran off.
"She looks just like Mark with that smile," Savvy commented dryly. "Just that with him, I want to wipe it of his face and with her I want to take her in my arms and cuddle her for the next ten years."
Addie laughed. "Believe me, I know that feeling. Sometimes when she knows she's done something she isn't supposed to do, she'll look at me with that little pout, and I melt almost right away every single time. And then I go to the hospital and Mark is getting into trouble with some nurse, and I swear he looks at me with exactly the same expression when he wants me to clean up his mess for him."
"Hm," Savvy mumbled thoughtfully. "He is good-looking. Does he still have that sixpack?"
"Yep," she replied, popping the p a little. "I don't know how he does it. I know for a fact that he doesn't have the time to go to the gym all the time anymore."
"Well, we shouldn't be complaining. Our men are pretty perfect, too, I'd say, even without a sixpack," the blonde announced as she turned to the fridge and pulled a bottle of white wine out of it.
"Want a glass?" she asked as she opened a cupboard.
"I love how well you know even my holiday kitchen, Sav," Addison laughed, "but no, I'm good."
"You're good? When did that happen? The Addison I know brags about her WASP-y amniotic fluid with an alcohol content of twenty percent," the lawyer questioned. "You're not pregnant, are you?"
Addison paled. "No, no, I'm not. I just don't drink in front of Annie," she explained. "I'll have wine tonight, just not now."
Savvy nodded. "I'm thinking about children," she then admitted. "Weiss and I are thinking about trying, but there is so much going on, with my mom, and so on."
"Oh, honey, you know just because the cancer came back for Catherine, it doesn't mean you'll get it. You can get tested for the gene, and even if you have it, that doesn't mean you'll get the cancer or that there aren't any treatment options if everything goes wrong. If you want, I can refer you to a genetics specialist or even do the testing myself. I mean, I didn't do that genetics fellowship for nothing, right?" Addison asked, hugging her friend tightly.
"Thanks, Addie, that would mean a lot," the other woman asked, her voice a little tight. "Alright, on to happier topics. Are you and Derek thinking about children yet? I know that Derek has always wanted some, what with all his nieces and nephews."
"Derek – we are thinking about it," Addison answered hesitantly.
"Hey, what's the problem?" Savvy asked, seeing her friend withdraw into herself.
"Derek wants children, but I don't know if I'm ready for children yet," she replied, biting down onto her lower lip. "He – Savvy you absolutely cannot tell anybody about this, not even Weiss because he'll want to tell Derek, alright?" She waited for the blonde to nod. "Derek thinks I've gone off the pill."
"And you haven't?" Savvy wanted to know.
Addison shook her head. "I told him we could try for a baby in the spring, so about a month ago he brought it up again, and he didn't want to wait any longer. I never really said I would go off the pill, but it was very obviously implied, and I know he thinks I did, so it's just – what am I supposed to do?"
"Oh, Addie, you've got to tell him," she replied quietly. "If he finds out on his own, it's going to complete destroy his trust in you."
"But he'll want me to go off the pill for sure," Addie argued.
"Would that be such a bad thing?" Savvy asked. "You're in neonatal, sweetie, and I've seen you with babies, you love them. Hell, I've seen you with Mark's kid all of five minutes and I can tell you love her."
"I do. Oh my God, Savvy, I do, so much. Maybe that's the problem, though," the redhead said, her voice becoming higher pitched as her breathing sped up.
Her friend shook her head. "Why would that be a problem? That just shows you what a great mother you'd be."
"No, Savvy, the problem is I don't want a baby to mother. I want to be Annie's mother," she admitted quietly, feeling a burden being lifted off her now that she'd finally told someone. "Last month when Derek and I went to the park together with Mark and Annie, she called me mommy. Just looked at me, hugged me, and said, 'goodbye, mommy.' She hasn't done it again, but since then all I've been able to think about when Derek brings up kids is Annie."
"Oh, Addie," Savvy sighed.
"Derek talks about our kids, what they will look like, what they will be like, what they will do when they grow up, and I lie in bed, and I think about Annie and –" she broke off, pressing a hand to her mouth as she tried to regulate her breathing as she could feel herself get worked up again.
"And what, Addie?" the blonde asked.
"I think about Annie, and Mark, and giving Annie a little sibling. I think about a little boy who looks just like Mark," she confessed, her voice barely more than a whisper.
"Oh."
"Yes, oh," Addison said, laughing mirthlessly. "So now you know why I'm still taking the pill. Because I don't want my husband's children, I want his best friend's children." She breathed out shakily. "I feel like such a whore."
"You're not a whore," Savvy responded right away. "But you and Mark –"
"Nothing has happened," the redhead answered quickly. "It's just – Derek never comes home. He talks about trying for kids, and then I don't see him for a week. I spend my evenings having dinner with Mark and Annie, Mark and I get her from daycare on alternating days, I bring her to her ballet lessons when Mark can't go himself. I make sure she's had dinner and watch cartoons with her when I'm doing my paperwork. Sometimes I watch her sleep."
"You're lonely," Savvy rationalized calmly, "and Mark and Annie have become some kind of family for you. That doesn't make you anything."
She shook her head. "Yes, but sometimes I stay over. Derek doesn't know," she added guiltily. "We had a terrible fight back in January when I slept over at Mark's with Annie when he had to go to Los Angeles to treat a burn victim, and Mark wasn't even there then." She stopped for a second. "Mark sleeps on the couch when I'm there, and when I wake up in the morning, he has coffee ready for me. We have a routine, Sav, I eat breakfast with Annie whilst he gets ready, and then he gets her ready while I'm having a shower. I haven't had breakfast with Derek in months."
Savvy leaned against the counter next to Addison, handing her wine glass to the redhead. "Just take a sip or two. You're not getting drunk in front of the toddler, but believe me, you need this right now."
Addison nodded, taking the glass from her. "Savvy, I'm having an affair. It might not be physical, and it's probably pretty one-sided, but I'm having an emotional affair."
"You can still back away from that, Addie. I'm not saying it's not wrong, but you haven't crossed the line yet," the blonde said quietly.
"But I'm not sure if I want to back away anymore," Addie whispered. "I'm fantasizing about having kids with Mark. Kids with Mark. Mark who used to have a different girl every week, if not every day. But now he's grown up, and I see him with Annie, and he's so incredibly good with her. And he sees me, Sav, he really sees me. He shows up when he tells me he will, he doesn't let himself be called back into the hospital on Christmas, he watches kitschy movies with me."
"Do you love him, Addie?"
She shrugged. "I don't even know if I've ever really known what love is. I mean, I thought Derek was the love of my life, but I don't even know if I love Derek anymore at this point. Maybe not, otherwise this wouldn't have happened, right?"
Now it was Savvy's turn to shrug. "I don't know. I mean, sometimes I look, and I'd call every woman who tells me she doesn't a liar, but Weiss is it for me. There's no-one else whose children I'd want to have."
Addie nodded resignedly as she took a final sip of the wine, handing the glass back to Savvy. She glanced briefly at the rings on her finger before she balled up her hand to a fist behind her back.
"Maybe, if this is how you feel, maybe you and Derek weren't meant to be forever," the blonde said hesitantly. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, you'll have to figure that out for yourself, Addie, but I'll always be there to support you, you know that, right?"
Addison nodded.
"Okay, then as your friend, I'm telling you I think you still have to tell him. Not everything if you don't feel ready to, although I'd say you can never really move on in either direction if you're not honest with Derek, but at the very least you have to tell him that you're not off the pill and that you don't want to try to get pregnant. He deserves at the very least that," Savvy told her more firmly.
"You're right. I'll try to tell him, okay?" Addison said giving her friend a small smile.
"Aunt Addie," they suddenly heard an excited little voice behind them.
"Thanks, Sav," Addison said quietly before she turned to the toddler, catching her in her arms as the little girl ran towards her. "What's up, baby?"
"I saw a squirrel! It was in a tree behind the flowers, and I really wanted to go, but I didn't because you said not to. And then I looked at the flowers and there was a snail!" she exclaimed.
"Wow," Addison said, suitably impressed when Mark and Weiss came back into the house again.
"If the ladies want to go for a swim, the pool is ready now," Weiss announced, pressing a brief kiss to his wife's temple and sneaking an arm around her waist as he stole her wine glass.
Annie looked positively giddy at that announcement before she turned her eyes to her father, widening them almost comically in a silent plea for him to allow her to swimming.
"Annie, what do you say I take you upstairs and we get you your swimsuit and your floaties and then I'll teach you how to swim?" Addison asked with a smile, holding her hand out to the girl as Mark gave his okay.
Savvy watched them carefully, giving her friend an almost sad smile that the redhead reciprocated with a half-smile of her own. The blonde finished the last of her wine before she followed them upstairs to change, the three of them coming back into the spacious kitchen together a couple of minutes later.
"Are you coming too, or will you have some manly beers in front of the TV and watch the first baseball game of the season?" Savvy asked sarcastically.
"I might have another very girly white wine instead," Weiss answered in the same tone.
The blonde gave him a dangerous smile. "You're not nearly as cute as you think, Weiss."
Annie followed their back-and-forth with barely concealed impatience, causing Addie and Mark to smile at each other over her head at the cuteness of her expression.
"Come on, Savvy, you can flirt with Weiss later," the redhead butted into their conversation as the blonde girl went away from the group of adults, stepping out on the terrace before looking back at them as if to tell them to hurry up.
"Annie, wait for me by the flowers!" Addison called out to the toddler before she went to get them some beach towels with Savvy as Mark and Weiss went into the living room.
"Annie?" she called a little panicked when they came back to the terrace and the little girl wasn't there. "Mark, have you seen Annie? I told her to wait by the flowers but she's not out on the terrace!"
Mark looked around him briefly. "Don't worry, Red, she probably just went to explore a little. You told her that the pool and the groundkeeper's tools are dangerous, so I'd doubt she'd even go close to those," he pointed out rationally, trying to calm her down.
"It doesn't matter, Mark, that's a pool with a depth of five feet and a toddler who can't swim. She might have understood it when I told her to stay away from it, but that doesn't mean accidents don't happen," she bit back angrily as she shoved the towels into Savvy's arms, taking off into the garden. She didn't have to search for long as Annie was standing a respectable distance away from the pool, seeming equally mesmerized and intimidated by the water.
"Annie," Addison said sharply, taking the toddler into her arms for a brief second before she looked her hard in the eye. "I told you to stay by the flowers. You cannot just run around in the garden without your daddy or me. You could've fallen into the pool and –" she broke off, not even wanting to contemplate what would have happened. "Come with me. We'll go back to the house, and you'll sit on the stairs and think about why you need to listen to me and your daddy when we tell you not to do something!"
"But Aunt Addie," the little girl whined, her brown eyes filling with tears as she looked at the redhead pitifully. "You said we could go swimming!"
"And we will go swimming later, but first you need to think about why you shouldn't have done that," she said sternly as she led Annie back to the house, pressing a brief kiss to her forehead before she left her to herself on the wooden stairs.
"Aunt Addie," the toddler wailed pitifully, "I want to go swimming, please!"
"What the hell are you doing, Red?" Mark hissed angrily behind her when she walked back into the kitchen, keeping the girl in her line of sight.
"I told her she had to think about what she did. I told her not to go past the flowers, but she did anyways. Calm down, Mark," she added as she saw his face harden. "I'll let her stew for ten minutes and then we'll go swimming."
"You can't just discipline her, Addison," he bit back heatedly, "you're not her mother."
She crossed her arms in front of her chest, trying not to let it show how much that comment had hurt her – no matter how irrational that hurt might be, considering he was pretty right about that one. "I know," she answered lowly.
He looked a little surprised at her lack of a comeback.
"Mark, she wasn't standing super close to the pool but close enough that next time, maybe she wouldn't be so shy about it. What would you do if tomorrow, she decided to try to go swimming on her own? She could've drowned, Mark, what would you do then? What would we do then?" she asked, her voice breaking a bit.
"Jesus, Addie," he replied, the fight leaving him as the image of his daughter's lifeless body floating in the pool manifested in his mind.
"It's just a time out, Mark," Addison said, her tone calmer now. "It'll just teach her that there are consequences to not listening to us."
He gave her a small half-smile. "I guess that's not too bad," he conceded. "Better than old Everett's methods in any case."
She nodded, giving him a wry smile. "I've seen Nancy do time-outs enough times with the twins. They look miserable for a couple of minutes, but she seems to think it helps, and who am I to question the great Nancy?"
Mark shook his head amusedly. "Nancy-pants," he said fondly, a grin on his face before he turned somber again. "I'm sorry about what I said. I shouldn't diminish your role in Annie's life just because you haven't given birth to her."
Addison nodded. "Thank you. And I should've asked you what to do instead of just taking a parenting decision out of your hands."
Before he could answer they heard Annie's voice from the stairs. "Aunt Addie? Daddy? Can I move now?"
"Do you understand why you should've waited by the flowers when Aunt Addie told you to do so?" Mark asked as he walked over to his daughter.
The toddler nodded earnestly. "Because it can be dangerous."
Mark smiled at her. "Alright, sweetheart. Say sorry to Aunt Addie for not listening to her, and if she and Savvy still want to take you to the pool, you can go with them. I'll join you in a couple of minutes, alright?"
"Thank you, daddy," Annie answered sweetly before she ran over to the redhead, hugging her legs tightly. "I'm sorry for not waiting for you, Aunt Addie."
"Thank you for apologizing, baby," she said as she swung the toddler up onto her hip, hugging her to her tightly. "Let's go swimming, shall we?"
Mark watched as Annie laid her head on her shoulder and Addie leaned down to press a kiss to the crown of her head before Savvy joined them with their towels. He went back to the living room but found he just wasn't as interested in the game anymore, realizing to his horror that had only secondarily to do with two admittedly hot women in swimsuits by the pool.
They turned off the TV at the end of the inning and caught up with the ladies a little later, finding the blonde lawyer on a lounge chair next to the pool whilst Annie waved at them from the water. Savvy smiled lazily as she pulled a light blanket tighter around her, warding off the chill in the springtime air.
"You don't want to get in there, Sav?" Weiss asked.
The blonde shook her head. "The two of them are just so precious together, I don't want to interrupt that."
Mark smiled a little. "They are, aren't they? I swear, sometimes I am convinced Annie likes Addie better than me. You should hear her when Addison picks her up from ballet – it's more about what Addie says than about what Annie actually does."
Savvy laughed. "I definitely noticed that. Severe case of hero worship going on right there."
There was a lull in the conversation as Mark observed Addie swimming on her back, pulling the toddler along with her. There it was again – the weird longing feeling that he'd tried hard to repress during the last months.
He didn't notice Savvy eying him studiously as he watched Addie with his daughter in the pool. The blonde's face became thoughtful as she saw the yearning in his eyes, suddenly wondering why Addison was so sure that Mark didn't reciprocate her feelings when it seemed so stupidly obvious that he was well on his way to falling in love with his best friend's wife. She sighed, unsure if this new development ultimately made the situation better or worse.
She was still mulling over that point when Mark was pulling of his shirt and his shorts before he sprinted over to the pool, jumping into the water right next to the two girls and drenching them mercilessly.
"Daddy!" Annie screamed, her voice high-pitched as she eyed her father reproachfully.
The redhead just looked at him, her expression deadly serious as she shoved to handfuls of water in his direction before she tried to dunk him. Mark grabbed her arms before she could get a good grip on him, however, letting himself glide under the water and taking her with him.
"Mark!" she shrieked, trying to sound disapproving when she couldn't quite keep the laughter out of her voice. Annie was starting to laugh to, obviously amused by the antics of the two adults in front of her. They swam around together for some time, pulling Annie with them to the toddler's delight.
"Alright you two, I need a break," Addie announced when she climbed out of the pool, walking over to Savvy and Weiss. The blonde handed her a towel as her husband got up from the deckchair next to her.
"Here, you can have mine, I'm going to join the Sloans for a little while," Weiss said, walking over to the edge of the pool.
Addie nodded at him gratefully as she toweled off before she lay down on the lounge chair, observing the three people in the water. Weiss was doing his laps whilst Mark was standing still in the water, holding Annie with his hands as he directed her on how to move her little arms and legs to keep herself above the water.
"Isn't that – I don't even know what to call it without sounding horribly cliched," Addison mumbled.
"Oh Addie," Savvy sighed. "You can't keep doing this to yourself."
"I know. But how could I ever turn my back on them?" she asked hoarsely, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Just – promise me you won't do anything rash. Think carefully about what you're doing, and then talk to Derek or – hell, even talk to Mark if it helps. And I'm always here for you, okay?" Savvy said. "Just remember that it's not just you and Derek and Mark. There's a little kid involved, and she won't necessarily understand everything that's going on. I know you only have her best interests at heart, but you don't know what will happen, so you'll have to be careful. And above all, you'll have to be sure."
"Yeah," Addison breathed quietly as Mark came out of the water with his daughter, toweling off Annie before he dried off himself. He pointed over to her, sending the toddler to her.
"Daddy said I could sit with you a little because I'm tired," the little girl announced, grinning at her broadly.
"Come on then," the redhead said, settling her on her lap before she spread a blanket over them both. She caressed her blonde hair for a while before she heard her breathing even out as Annie fell asleep.
Savvy got up next to her, sending her a small smile when Mark came over to them. "I'll leave you two alone and take my husband upstairs for an hour or so," the blonde said with a wink as she motioned for Weiss to come out of the pool.
"Uh, Sav, I don't want to know what you do in my spare rooms. I'm living in blissful ignorance," Addison answered with a fake grimace as Savvy left her by the pool, laughing to herself.
Mark looked after the pair for a couple of beats before he wolf-whistled after them, blowing Savvy an ironic kiss as she flipped him the bird.
"There's a child present, Savannah," he called out with a laugh, but Savvy just ignored him even as Weiss started chuckling. "Those two," Mark said with mock-concern as he took over the lawyer's deckchair.
"As if you are any better," the redhead scoffed.
"Says the woman who got stuck on Skippy Gold's braces," Mark shot back.
"In high school, it's been more than seventeen years at this point!" Addison groaned. "I still can't believe I was ever drunk enough to tell you about that. That whole prom was a nightmare, though. I did not know what to do with my legs, I could only talk about Star Wars, and then the braces thing – I'm so glad those got taken out before I started college."
"And Yale got the full Addison Montgomery experience," he mocked. "In any case, you definitely moved on from Skippy Gold. Once we got to Columbia, you were way too experienced to get stuck on some guy's braces. And probably too hot to go out with anybody who even had braces," he complimented, gesturing to her body under the blanket.
Addison shook her head, laughing a little embarrassedly. "Well, at least somewhat more experienced than high school, I'd say."
"What's that supposed to mean, Red?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow at her cryptic statement.
"That I might have made up a boyfriend here and there when we got to Columbia – I mean, I definitely dated some at Yale but a lot of that was over very quickly. I might have grown into the limbs and gotten more comfortable in my skin, but I was still pretty socially awkward all around and way more focused on my books than on boys." Addie shrugged, clearly not comfortable with the topic. "So, when we got to Columbia, I didn't want to be the odd one out again, so I potentially added one or two hook-ups here and there."
Mark shook his head, scoffing a little. "Only you, Red. We definitely all believed you, though, by the time we got to med school, you were a bomb shell."
Addie laughed. "Thank you, I guess?" she replied amusedly.
"So, including Derek, how many guys have there been…" he asked slyly, imperceptibly leaning closer.
The redhead laughed again, shaking her head fondly. "Thin ice, Mark, we're not talking about this."
"Yeah? That would be a pity, though, 'cause I'm really interested," he answered, sending her a charming smile, but Addison kept her silence. "One day, Red, you'll tell me," he whispered, leaning forward to brush a couple of red strands behind her ear.
She could feel her breath stopping for a second. 'One day,' his words echoed in her head. He was probably right, and she wasn't sure if that excited her or terrified her.
Happy holidays and an amazing New Year!