Jaune and Courage the Cowardly Dog
Chap 58: McPhearson Phantom
"Arms in..." Muriel began.
"Shoulders back..." I continued
"Bend over backwards." Kali Belladonna finished with a smile.
"Ahhh... The power of doing housework." Muriel said as she put the freshly fold shirt of Eustace onto a nearby pile.
"It can be quite comforting." Kali agreed as she fold some of her clothes before doing the same with some of Blake's clothes.
"Don't you agree Jaune?" Muriel asked.
"I sure do." I answered as I fold some clothes of mine before putting them into a basket next to me. I then leaned over and gave Courage a small rub on the head as he laid down on the basket that was on the bed.
"I told you. I am on vacation. Deal with it." The voice of Ghira Belladonna, father of Blake and husband on Kali, yelled out from the hallway.
"Never stopped him before." Blake muttered under her breath. She was sitting on the bed reading one of her books.
"I was hoping that this vacation would help us bond together again." Kali added.
"But it seems like that is not going to happen sadly." Blake said closing her books. Her face, despite being stoic, I could tell hides a sad expression.
Blake and her family had been having heated arguments recently. And it has been going for a while and has not improved at all. Seeing as how Blake had some time off from Beacon, I suggested a vacation for the three of them. Perhaps some time together and off from work could help patch things up. Yet, to my surprise, they chose to come here to Nowhere for their vacation. At first, I thought Nowhere was just a pit stop to another location like New York, Hollywood or China. But nope, they wanted to come to Nowhere as their vacation. On the bright side though, at least I got to see a friend again and Muriel gets to enjoy some more company. Though, it was quite funny when Blake and I messed with her parents using Courage. Even though it took a bit to convince Ghira that Courage was not a faunus.
"Sorry about that." Ghira said as he walked into the room.
"It's fine." Blake and Kali said in monotone voice. Clear that it was bothering them.
"Listen. I know..." Ghira began but was stopped when Eustace entered the room wearing only a towel around his waist.
"Mom." Blake said annoyed as Kali covered her eyes. Despite the fact that Blake was a teenager close to being a young adult.
"Nope." Kali said not moving her hands while nodding with Ghira.
'Least that's an improvement.' I thought seeing that Ghira and Laki still easily agree on certain things when it involves Blake.
"Sir, please put on a shirt." Ghira told Eustace who ignored him. And then took a freshly fold shirt of his from the pile. From the bottom of the pile which caused the other shirts to fall to the ground.
"Eustace." Muriel chastised.
"That was rude." Kali growled out. Which allowed Blake to finally remove her mother's hands from her eyes. Only to recoil in slight disgust at seeing Eustace nearly naked.
"Uh, sorry. You had the pile upside down." Eustace apologized before quickly trying to shift the blame on her.
"You still could have just lifted the pile." Ghira counter growling as Muriel came over ot pick up the clothes.
"Blah, blah, blah." Eustace mocked as he put on his shirt.
"I got it." I told Muriel as I picked up Eustace clothes and began to fold them.
"How do they put up with him again?" Ghira asked.
"I don't know." Blake answered glaring at Eustace.
"I wonder that myself." I whispered to Courage who nodded. Turning back to the clothes, I folded the last one when I heard Courage gasped followed by something bending in a way it should not. Turning around, we saw Eustace on the floor. Bent in a way that should not be possible.
"Muriel! You folded me clothes too tight." Eustace grunted out as he laid on the floor in pain. While his hands held his back to avoid it from breaking even more. "What are you trying to do to me?"
"I didn't do anything different. Just the usual wash and fluff and fold. Must be the new detergent I'm using." Muriel answered confused as to how this happened.
"What the-" Eustace said grumbling as he painfully lifted himself and walked out of the room. Still with his back bent in a way that should not be possible.
"Anyone else see that happen?" Kali asked shocked.
"Yeah." Blake and I answered with wide eyes.
"And how is he still alive and walking? Despite having his back bent like that." Ghira asked.
'He's more durable than you think.'Courage answered. We all looked at the door for a moment before going back to folding the clothes.
Two Hour Later
"Beautiful." Muriel said as she finished polishing Eustace's shoes. "A good shine can make an old woman look young again."
"If only it can make us feel young again." Kali added.
"Too true." Muriel replied as she put away the brush. Currently, we were in the living room watching some television while Muriel polished Eustace's shoes. Blake and her family were on the couch. Though, it is a bit funny seeing Kali glare at Ghira every time his scroll rang. Courage was to the side biting/chewing on an anchor.
"Ain't nothing going to make you look young again." Eustace complained angrily.
"And ain't nothing ever going to make you a farmer." I countered which caused him to growl even more.
"Just give me my shoes." He demanded while putting away his paper.
"Say that nicer." Ghira growled out. His attention shifting from his scroll to Eustace,
"Here you are... Crabby." Muriel teased as she handed Eustace his shoes.
"Eh, who needs em polished anyway? Just going to get scuffed. Stupid as showering." He complained as he put on his shoes.
"Certainly explains why he smells bad." Kali said pinching her nose.
"I thought it was because he came back from working on something?" Ghira asked.
"He hates showering and only showers once a week. Begrudgingly." I answered.
"Please tell me you don't follow his example?" Kali asked. I shook my head in answered which caused her to let out a sigh of relief. But our attention was drawn back to Eustace when we all heard an explosion. Turning to him, we saw that his feet exploded. Leaving behind charred stumps.
"MURIEL! What are you trying to do to me? Next time you want to blow up me shoes, take'em out back." Eustace shouted in pain.
"But I shined them just like always. Maybe they changed the shoe polish formula." Muriel told him confused.
"Change it to what? An exploding agent?" Blake asked curious and worried at what caused the explosion. Though, she did smirk a bit as we both knew that Eustace deserved that.
"Eh, just get me my hat. I'll be outside until then." Eustace said as he got up from his chair before walking out the front door.
"Oh, dear." Muriel said worried before turning to me. "Jaune. Be a dear and get me Eustace's hat. It's downstairs on top of the laundry machine."
"Okay Muriel. Be right back." I said as I got up before quickly heading downstairs and getting the hat. Coming back up, I gave it to Muriel.
"Thanks." She said as she took the hat.
She then got up and headed outside to give Eustace his hat. Curious, but also concerned, I followed her outside. Courage and Blake following me as well. Casting a quick glance around, I saw that Kali was arguing with Ghira who was on his scroll again. Most likely talking with someone about the White Fang.
"There it is for you Eustace. I've steamed and blocked it, like always." Muriel said handing Eustace his hat.
"Thanks." He said as he took the and put it on his head. Only for his head to go beat red a moment later.
"Um..." I began but was cut off when Eustace suddenly screamed in pain. He quickly took off his hat to reveal two chickens pecking violently at his head.
"AAAHHHHH!" He screamed as he ran around tried to get the chickens off his head.
"What happened?" Ghira suddenly asked.
"We heard screaming?" Kali also asked. We merely pointed to Eustace running around the farm with two chickens on his head.
"Must be something new they're putting in the steam?" Muriel suggested as she watched Eustace run around in confusion and worry.
"How do they put something new in the steam?" Ghira asked confused.
Eight P.M.
"I ain't eating your food." Eustace complained to Muriel as we placed a few plates of food on the table.
One plate having garlic parmesan flounder. The second plate having monkfish and cauliflower chowder. And the third plate having crispy fish tacos with chili-roasted corn. Yes. The Belladonna family are almost drooling at the food. Which, surprisingly, is what Muriel wanted. She quickly picked up on the fact that they love sea food and decided to make fish biased dishes for dinner.
"What are you saying Eustace?" Muriel asked sounding offended.
"I'm saying that after I've been folded, blown up and eaten by chickens. I gotta think you got something against me." He answered.
"I never do anything bad to you Eustace." Muriel told him.
"What do you call this?" He asked as he took off his hat to show the bumps the chickens left behind.
'AAHHH.' Courage gasped seeing this. Looking over to him, I saw that the food he was eating fell out of his mouth when he gasped.
"Can't feel safe in your own home anymore." Eustace complained as he left the table and room.
"You don't think I'm doing anything mean to Eustace?" Muriel asked everyone.
"Of course, not Muriel." I answered.
"No. You don't seem like one to harm him." Ghira added.
"You're a lovely lady. I don't see you ever possibly harming him." Kali answered.
"Same." Blake added.
It should be of note, their eyes never left the food.
"Oh, well. Must just be a coincidence or something. We can think much clearer after we have a good meal. Let's dig in." Muriel said as she handed everyone some forks and knives. However, and much to the chagrin of the Belladonna family, before we could begin, a loud crash from the living room happened which caught our attention.
"What was that?" Blake asked snapping her gaze from the food to the living room where the sound came from.
"I don't know. I hope Eustace is all right though." Muriel said worried.
"We better go check." Ghira said standing up followed by the others. Standing up, we entered the living room and saw Eustace hurt by what appears to be a very intricate chandelier. Something we don't own.
"Eusatce! Are you okay?" Muriel asked.
"Nope! You probably loosened the chandelier when you were dusting it so it would fall on my head." He accused.
"Don't be daft. We don't even own a chandelier." Muriel countered.
"You must have hung it while I was talking on the phone." He argued.
"Well, I never-" Muriel began offended that Eustace thought that.
"That's ridiculous." Ghira interjected.
"She was with us this whole time." Kali added. Eustace was about to continue arguing but stopped when we heard knocking on the door.
"Who could that be?" Blake asked.
"MA!" Eustace said in shock when he opened the door to see his mother standing there.
"Oh, great. Her again." Kali said annoyed.
"What's wrong?" Ghira asked confused. Blake then whispered into his ear everything that happened involving Ma Bagge. He seemed reluctant to believe this but a nod from Kali confirmed it.
"I got me a mail order degree in psychology therapy. And I'm going to help you and what's-her-name work out your problems. You stupid boy!" Ma Bagge explained before insulting and hitting Eustace with her certificate.
"He, heh, heh." Eustace laughed nervously.
"Is that even possible?" Kali asked shocked.
"Or legal?" Ghira added.
"Yes actually. You'd be surprised at what you can get online. Courage here even got a certificate and license to marry people online." I answered while Courage showed his license.
"Wow." Kali and Ghira said at the same time amazed.
Five Minutes Later
"Time for therapy." Ma Bagge said as she wrote something down on a pad. We were in the kitchen sitting around the table waiting for the session to start. Though, we all knew it was going to be a pointless one considering it was Ma Bagge.
"This isn't going to end well." I whispered to Courage who nodded.
"Let's get this marriage off the rocks and out to sea! How much is three plus seven?" Ma Bagge asked beginning the session.
"Huh?" Eustace asked confused.
"Why is the sky blue?" She asked again pointing her pencil to Muriel.
"Excuse me?" Muriel asked confused.
"I never heard those questions being used for any kind of therapy." Kali said glaring at Ma Bagge who just ignored her.
"Your marriage is dead as dust. Make sure you keep the house. Cause I gotta move out of that trailer." She said before turning to Eustace and revealing what she was actually after.
"So, you're not here to help. Just trying to separate these nice folks." Ghira growled out which caused Ma Bagge to shrink back a bit in fear.
"For your own benefit." Kali added.
"You shouldn't come into my home and upset things like this." Muriel said upset as she poured a few cups of tea and handed it out to everyone.
"Thank you." Kali and Blake said as they took a sip of the tea.
"Thank you, Muriel." Ghira said as he took his tea as well.
His scroll rang as he picked up his tea. But to the delight of Kali and Blake, he ignored the call before smiling at them. Kali smiled and grabbed his hand in thanks. But the moment was interrupted when Eustace suddenly screamed. Quickly looking towards him, we saw that the tea from his cup acted like a geyser and blew in his face.
"That's it. I'm going to go sit in my truck where it's safe." Eusatce said snapping as he got up and exited the house.
"There's something very strange going on around here." Muriel said as she opened the tea kettle in confusion.
"Whatever you're up to, it ain't going to work. Unless you cut me in for half." Ma Bagge said showing everyone where Eustace got his greedy nature.
"Oh, I'll cut you in for half." Kali said before getting up and throwing Ma Bagge out the window.
"She'll be back." I said wincing a bit at the sound of Ma Bagge landing in the trash cans.
"Some therapist she is. If we only had someone here who could really help." Muriel said annoyed as she got up from the table.
This, however, seemingly gave Courage an idea as he quickly left the kitchen. Curious, Blake and I followed him while Kali and Ghira stayed behind with Muriel. Exiting the kitchen, we saw Courage heading up to my room. Going up the steps and to my room, we saw him turn on the computer and began typing.
"What you doing Courage?" I asked. Only to get my answer when the computer spoke up in a shocked tone.
'YOU, want to be a licensed therapist? A twit like you.' The computer asked while also insulting him. Courage however, typed a response that we would all like to say to the computer every time we needed his help. 'Okay, no need to get testy.'
"I get. You want to be a therapist to help Muriel and Eustace." I said realizing what he was going for.
"Is that even possible?" Blake asked.
'It is. I just so happen to be certified to certify.' The computer answered.
"Guess it's true that you can get anything on the internet." Blake said in shock before adding. "Do you think this is wise Jaune?"
"Worth a shot. And Courage is not biased and can easily help. Maybe even help your folks." I answered.
"I don't know about that. They seem-" She began but stopped when her cat ears twitched a bit. Meaning she is straining her cat ears to better listen on something. "On second thought. Let's do it. I think they could use it as I just heard them yelling again."
'All right. Just answer these questions. And you'll have your license.' The computer said with the screen changing.
'MM-HMM' Courage said nodding his head.
'Okay. First question. How do you spell our time is up, pay me lots of money.' The computer began with Courage typing the answer.
'There's no "Q" in Cincinnati, twerp.' The computer insulted after Courage finished typing in the answer.
"Um..." Blake began not sure what to make of what she just heard. Whether about the city known as 'Cincinnati' or the question itself was hard to tell.
'Next question. If Johhny has three apples and Davey has two apples, why don't they just shut up and eat?' The computer asked. We all just looked at each other in confusion while wondering what exactly we got ourselves into by doing this.
Fifteen minutes later
'Congratulations. You are now a fully licensed therapist.' The computer said as he printed out the document.
"What did we just listen to?" Blake asked shocked at what we just had to sit and listen through. And none of it sounded like somebody actually being trained to be a therapist.
"I have no idea." I answered as Courage hopped down from the chair and bounced excitedly for his license.
'Word of advice. Just keep nodding and don't say anything.' The computer said as the document finished printing.
"Now we just need our parents." I said as Courage hurried to leave the room and get the therapy sessions started.
'And so western civilization crumbles.' The computer mocked.
"Oh, shut it." Blake said angry as she hovered her finger above the power switch. The computer tried to stop her but she ignored him and flipped the switch off. "Finally. He really gets on everybody's nerves."
"At this point, I doubt he even knows how to talk to someone without insulting someone." I added.
"Well, I'm going to get my-" Blake began but stopped when Courage came back carrying both Muriel and Eustace. Blake's parents following behind. Both still arguing a bit but were more curious as to what's going on. Courage then quickly folded and put away my bed before bringing out a couch large enough for everyone to sit on. After that, he left for a moment before coming back with his document framed and hanging it on the wall. Where it became crooked almost immediately.
"What's going on?" Ghira asked confused as Courage brought a chair for himself to sit on.
"Much needed therapy." Blake answered before leaving the room and bringing me along.
"Hopefully this will help. But I still want to know exactly what exactly caused all those things to happen to Eustace." I said concerned. "Like the chandelier and lobsters or his shoes exploding."
"But first, let's focus on our parents." Blake said before sitting down in the floor and taking out her book. Doing the same, I sat down and took out my scroll as we waited for Courage to help our parents.
One hour later
'Okay, you two can come in.'Courage said opening the door. Nodding, Blake put her book away while I did the same for my scroll. Standing up, we went inside and saw Muriel and Eustace hugging each other.
"How did it go?" Blake asked smiling at seeing her parents hugging each other as well.
"Marvelous." Kali answered with Ghira nodding in agreement.
"I decided to give Muriel another chance." Eustace said in a kind voice which surprised us.
"Nice job Courage." I said giving him a pat on the head.
"Thank you, Dr. Courage. You're a brilliant therapist you are." Muriel said happy.
'Yay!'Courage cheered.
'Pathetic.' The computer, who we are sure Blake shut off, mocked. Though, it does seem he is off for real this time as his screen went black as Kali had unplugged him.
"Well. I guess there is only one thing left to do." I said as our parents got up from the couch.
"What's that Blake?" Ghira asked. But before Blake could answer, the door was slammed open by Ma Bagge who seemed angry.
"Eustace, you stupid boy. I'm the only therapist operating here. Kick her out. She's no good for you." She demanded.
"You don't know what you are saying." Eustace argued.
"Yeah. I'm suppose you like the lobsters she stuck in your pants." She mocked.
"What?" Eustace asked confused. As were the rest of us.
"What does that mean?" Ghira asked suspicious. Only to nearly jump in shock when Eustace suddenly started running around the room in pain as lobsters suddenly appeared in his pants.
"IT AIN'T ME EUSTACE! I'M NOT DOING THIS!" Muriel shouted worried.
"HA, HA, HA, HA." Ma Bagge began to laugh evilly getting everyone's attention.
'I got it.' Courage said as he used some tweezers to take the lobsters out of Eustace's pants safely.
"Courage you stupid dog." Ma Bagge yelled before trying to chase Courage. Only to be easily picked up by an angry Ghira.
"Enough." He demanded while Blake and Kali both glared at her. Ma Bagge seemed liked she was about to mock and started flinging insults around but didn't as her attention was focused on the ink paining Courage showed her.
"I see a bitter old woman with a bad wig who's in a lot of pain." She said after looking at the image for a moment.
Five Minutes Later
"It all started out years ago. With my mother's, mother's auntie Griselda. She was a cruel woman. Made us all miserable. She even threw some guy into the loch ness." Ma Bagge said as she laid down on the couch. After seeing the image, she agreed to go under therapy session. Which surprised us greatly.
"Seems like the entire Bagge family tree are greedy horrible people." Ghira said surprised at learning how far back it went.
"The monster ate him. Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha. Stupid boy." Ma Bagge said finishing her story.
"But at least it will end with Eustace and a new better line will begin with Jaune. Even if he is not their biological kid." Kali added. I blushed a bit but before I could say anything, we all screamed in terror when a black ghostly creature came up through the floor.
"THIS WAS YOUR GREAT-GREAT-AUNT! NOT THE CHUBBY ONE'S!?" The creature demanded.
"That's right. Now leave me alone. I'm getting therapy you stupid ghost." Ma Bagge answered before waving her off.
"Bad choice of words." Blake said noticing how the creature seemed to grow increasingly hostile with each passing second.
"Uh-oh." Ma Bagge said realizing her mistake. She got up and quickly ran over to Muriel and Eusatce and handed the, a piece of paper. "Sorry. Out time's up. Here's my bill."
"I feel so... inadequate." The creature said before laughing manically and pulling out more lobsters. She then gave chase to Ma Bagge. We all looked towards each other. Unsure of what to make of what just happened.
Ten Minutes Later
"The tea's too hot. What are you trying to do? Burn me lips off my face. And my shoes. They're smudge. Can't you polish them, right?" Eustace complained.
"Does he ever not complain about something?" Ghira asked glaring at Eustace.
"I don't know if there was a time where he didn't complain." I answered as I took a sip of my tea.
"Good to have everything back to normal, isn't it?" Muriel asked smiling.
"What exactly is normal around here?" Blake asked with a smirk. We just smiled as how true that was. The only normal thing here is the abnormal.
Note:
(1) Aqua Farmer with Blake, Kali and Ghira. (2) Food of the dragon with Blake, Kali and Ghira (3) Journey to the center of Nowhere with Peach (4) Heads of Beef with Sun and Neptune. (5) Forbidden Hat of Gold with Oobleck and Port.
I heard some people say, though I am not sure if this is true, that there are some people going around complaining and taking down crossover stories. While I am not sure of this is true like I said, if for some reason this story gets taken down, I will reupload it. And if I can't, I will leave a note about it and create an account in wattpadd or archive of my own and post the story there. Again, i am not sure if this is true, but if it does happen this is what I would do with the story.
Yes, the story was on hiatus because I was burnt out from writing this story. But I'm back at now feeling fresh and ready again.