November 2001
Harry and Hermione were walking down Diagon Alley toward the Apothecary while Harry relayed a story about a recent conversation he'd had with Teddy.
"I was eating lunch with him," Harry was saying, "and out of nowhere, he turned to me and said, 'I have three years old and three beds.' And I thought that was pretty impressive, since, one - I didn't know he could count and two, he does sort of have three bedrooms, the one with Andromeda, the one at my place, and the one Molly made up for him at the Burrow for when he naps there."
"That is a pretty advanced thought," Hermione admitted.
"Yeah, well, I went on to say, 'Yes, Teddy. You are three years old and you do have three bedrooms. Can you tell me where they all are?' He nodded, very seriously, put his sticky little hands on either side of my face, and said, 'Three slimy beds…red…Ted.'"
"What does that mean?"
"No idea. There was nothing after that and I couldn't get him back on the topic of the bedrooms. He actually shushed me and said he was trying to eat. That kid is a nutter."
Hermione laughed fully and Harry couldn't help but join in. They'd reached the Apothecary and had stopped in front of the door to finish laughing before walking inside. The Apothecary was one of those eerily quiet shops and they both knew the owner, Master Corcoran, would not appreciate raucous laughter inside.
And because Harry was focusing on Hermione and marveling at how pretty she looked when she laughed, then scolding himself for thinking so, he missed the cloud of yellow mist hovering above the window display. He opened the door for her and followed her inside and still, he didn't see it.
The bell rang to signal their arrival and Master Corcoran called from behind the counter, "I'll be right with you." Harry thought vaguely that his voice sounded off.
Hermione headed for a row of shelves to the right and Harry followed her. He was pretending to study a shelf filled with jars of all different types of eyes, from frogs, to beetles, to dragons. Really, he was thinking about the conversation they had to have about their relationship and how he was going to start it.
All he'd worked out so far was that he'd suggest they stop for tea at her favorite café a few blocks away, back in the Muggle world. But after that, he was at a loss. How did you start a conversation like that?
Hey, Hermione, you know how everyone thinks we're dating? Well, it turns out I've sort of convinced myself of that fact too, because I'm lonely and pathetic. But I don't like you like that, really, so no need to feel awkward or anything - though I do have inappropriate thoughts about you, like, a lot.
Harry let out a long sigh. His speech needed some work. If he hadn't been so distracted, he may have noticed the low voices coming from the front of the store that sounded like they were arguing, or the hushed chanting of a man several feet away, placing locking wards on the front door, but he didn't.
The first signal that something was wrong that Harry did pick up on was a muffled scream from the other end of the aisle. He turned to find a stocky man with his hand clapped over Hermione's mouth, pointing his wand at Harry.
Harry acted instinctively. Instead of shooting a spell at the man, which he was sure would be deflected and would just draw attention to them, Harry conjured a gust of wind, focusing it on the wand he'd spotted poking out of the man's robes, which he guessed was Hermione's wand. The robes billowed around the man and the wand flew into the air, almost hitting the ceiling.
Hermione caught it on its way down and immediately hit the man with a silent Stunning Spell. A few bottles had dropped from the shelf in the shuffle, but Harry was able to silence the crashing sound of them breaking on the ground. He reached Hermione's side just as she was about to crumble under the weight of the man and together, they carefully lowered him to the ground.
Harry took the man's wand and pocketed it, then started scanning the area around them, while Hermione bound the man's hands and feet together. It didn't seem like anyone had heard them. When Harry peered into the main aisle, he finally noticed the yellow mist in the window and swore inwardly.
How had he missed that? The signal had been his own idea. They had figured Axel Leeland, the illegal potions dealer, would reach out to Master Corcoran at some point, since he sourced rare ingredients that were hard to find elsewhere. Master Corcoran had agreed to help the Aurors and planned to cast a yellow mist in the window of his shop if Leeland ever turned up. Who was on lookout duty today? Harry should have been informed as soon as the mist appeared.
"Harry?"
Shit. Hermione. She was here, in the middle of an illegal potions exchange with a store full of criminals and it was all Harry's fault because he hadn't noticed the fucking signal. He held his finger up to his lip and cast a quick Hominem Revelio Charm. The spell revealed two figures at the front of the store. Master Corcoran was obviously one, and the other may be Axel Leeland himself.
But something was wrong. Where was the other thug? One thing Harry had learned, as far back as Hogwarts from Draco Malfoy, was that there were always two thugs. Hermione had stunned one, but where was the other one?
He shook his head. It didn't matter. He needed to get Hermione out of here, then he could figure out his plan. He turned toward the door to the outside and swore when he saw the unmistakable shimmer of a ward surrounding it. Someone had locked it. Dammit. He turned back to Hermione.
"Remember that illegal potions dealer I was assigned to find? Axel Leeland?" he whispered.
Hermione nodded.
"He's in here, now. That was one of his thugs, sent to silence us so we didn't interfere with the deal."
Her eyes widened. "So you can catch him?" she whispered back, sounding excited.
"Yeah, maybe. But you need to go. Now."
"No. I-" She motioned back toward the man she'd helped him stun, but Harry grabbed her shoulder and shook his head, violently.
"I don't need your help!" he hissed. "What I need is you safe, okay? There's an exit near the back, just past a narrow staircase. Leave through there, then immediately send a Patronus to Ron, Robards, and Dawlish."
"Harry. I can't just leave you-"
"Yes, you can. Please, Hermione. I can handle this, but not if I'm worrying about you."
She bit her lip and Harry could tell she wanted to protest further. He was in no mood for her heroics right now and they were running out of time. Leeland would call for his thug soon, and Harry needed a plan before that happened.
He glared at Hermione and she could read on his face how serious he was and nodded. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, then whispered, "Stay safe," in his ear. Before either of them could consider the action further, she crouched down and crawled to the end of the aisle.
She gave him one final wave and mouthed, "Good luck," before casting a Disillusionment Charm on herself and disappearing behind the tall shelf. Harry wished he'd been able to give her his invisibility cloak. Why didn't he carry it on him at all times?
He took a deep breath and tried to calm his mind. He needed to think and keep a clear head if he was going to detain Leeland. He looked down and confirmed the man who'd grabbed Hermione was still out, then cast Hominem Revelio again. Leeland and Master Corcoran were still at the front and he saw Hermione now, crouched near them.
Still no second thug. Huh. If Leeland was alone now, Harry could probably take him. He was rumored to be an expert dueler, but no one at the Auror office knew if that was true. It could just be something Leeland had floated around himself.
But Harry wanted to be sure Hermione was out of the shop before he tried anything. He was about to cast Hominem Revelio again when he saw a cat watching him from the main aisle. He tried to shoo it away, but it just walked closer to him.
Harry knew this was no ordinary cat as soon as he looked into the cat's pale eyes. Its gaze was too intense and perceptive.
Harry shot a spell at the cat, which he'd just realize was the second thug, just as the cat/thug lunged for him. Harry rolled out of the way just in time, hitting the shelf and causing a few bottles to fall. When he turned back toward the cat, it was a man now, taller and a little thicker than the other man, who was still lying Stunned on the ground a few paces away.
"You do this?" the man asked in a rough, heavily accented voice, cocking his head down toward the other thug.
Harry shot a Stunning Spell at him in answer and he dodged it easily. "I take that as yes," the man muttered.
"What's going on, Yorgan?" Another voice called from the front. It must be Leeland. "How long does it take to silence a few customers?"
A tall, elegantly dressed man who reminded Harry vaguely of Lucius Malfoy, but with dark hair, appeared at the end of the row. He quickly took in the scene before him, his eyes flashing to the man on the ground, then Harry and Yorgan, who still had their wands pointed at each other.
"I see that this customer fought back," Leeland said, sounding amused. He stepped closer, then started when he finally got a better look at Harry. "Harry Potter? The Auror leading my case? How-?"
Leeland glared at Yorgan. "You said you got the lookouts."
"I did," Yorgan retorted. "Two, in the alley."
Well, that explained why no one had notified Harry when Master Corcoran had raised the signal. Harry hoped they were just Stunned, and not hurt.
"And him," Leeland motioned toward the man on the ground. "Is he dead?"
Yorgan shook his head. Leeland gave him a curt nod, then Yorgan pointed his wand at the man and muttered, "Avada Kedavra."
Harry's chest clenched at the site of the familiar green light and his heart began racing. It had been years since he'd encountered criminals who used the Killing Curse so casually. Not since the Death Eaters they'd rounded up just after the war. Harry turned to Leeland and his confusion must have shown on his face.
Leeland shrugged. "He should have locked the door. I don't tolerate mistakes."
Harry looked horrified and Leeland added with a smirk, "Also, he stole from me. I've been trying to find a way to discreetly kill him for months. And now, I can tell everyone you did it. So, thank you for that."
Leeland narrowed his eyes at Harry and asked, "Where's your partner? Aurors always work in pairs."
Harry kept his mouth shut. Leeland raised his wand and pointed it at Harry, then cocked his head back toward the front of the store. "Find them," he said to Yorgan.
Yorgan changed back into a cat and ran toward the entrance. Shit. Harry could not let them find Hermione. Maybe she'd already made it outside and sent a signal. If he kept Leeland talking, help should arrive soon.
"I'm alone," Harry said. "I was shopping for dragons' eyes when this man attacked me."
Harry sent a quick Stinging Hex toward Leeland's hip, but he blocked it easily. Damn. He was as good as they said.
"Shopping?" Leeland replied, drawing out the word. "This early on a Saturday? Shouldn't a boy your age and with your popularity be having a lie in after a long night out?"
Harry lunged for his feet, hoping to catch Leeland off guard, but Leeland cast a Shield Charm and Harry collided with it painfully. Harry just managed to pull himself up to his feet and cast his own Shield Charm around himself before Leeland could hit him with anything.
Leeland was laughing, but it hadn't been an entirely useless maneuver. Harry was in the main aisle now, able to see the entire store and he'd confirmed that Leeland was, in fact, very adept at dueling.
"I expected you to be better at this," Leeland teased. "The boy who defeated You-Know-Who, bested by a potions dealer. How embarrassing."
Harry stayed quiet. His eyes were darting around the room. Master Corcoran was trembling behind the counter but seemed okay. The cat/thug was nowhere to be seen. Then, he suddenly appeared behind Leeland. "Nothing."
Harry tried to keep the relief from showing on his face while Leeland broke into a smile. "You really are alone?" he asked Harry. "Defeating you is going to do wonders for my reputation."
Leeland walked toward him and Harry stepped back. He had his wand up and ready, and his hand was an inch away from the second wand, just in case, when there was a crash from the front of the store.
Dammit, Hermione! I don't need your help! If they survived this, Harry was going to kill her.
"Check on that," Leeland ordered.
Yorgan disappeared again. There were sounds of a struggle at the end of the store and Harry held his breath. Maybe Hermione would come out victorious. She was incredibly powerful, but unfortunately, she wasn't trained in one- on- one combat, like these men.
Yorgan returned a few moments later, pulling Hermione by the arm. She was looking at Harry apologetically, but he had to look away from her. Tears had flooded his eyes and he needed to stay focused.
Leeland kept his wand trained on Harry as he turned to look at Hermione. Harry shot another spell at his leg, but Leeland blocked it again. Harry wasn't going to win like this. He had to do something more creative to defeat Leeland.
"Who is this, Potter?" Leeland drawled.
"I don't know," Harry shrugged. "Another customer?"
Leeland cocked his head toward the front of the store and Yorgan dragged Hermione to the counter Master Corcoran was standing behind. Harry followed them, still keeping an eye on Leeland, looking for any holes in his defenses. There were none.
"Is this girl with you?" Leeland asked Master Corcoran.
Harry nodded his head imperceptibly and Master Corcoran croaked, "Yes. She's an assistant."
"Really?" Leeland pointed to a pile of grey powder. "What's this, girl?"
"Octopus powder," she answered clearly, looking back at Leeland defiantly. Harry wished she'd thought to look more scared. A real assistant would be terrified right now.
"And this?" Leeland pointed to a red substance in a vial.
"Vervain infusion."
Leeland studied her for a few more seconds, then, seemingly satisfied that she was, indeed an assistant and not another Auror, turned back to Harry.
"Okay, Harry Potter, here's what's going to happen. Master Corcoran here is going to finish packing up my order. Then Yorgan and I are going to leave here peacefully. If you cause any trouble, Yorgan will hurt the girl."
Yorgan pulled Hermione against his chest and pointed his wand at her neck. Harry struggled to keep his face impassive. He opened his mouth to reply, but before he could say anything, Yorgan grunted and dropped Hermione.
She'd hit him with a burst of wandless magic. Yorgan pointed his wand at her and shouted, "Crucio!"
She began screaming and the sound felt like a million needles piercing Harry at once. It was like he was the one being tortured. Harry yelled out and cast a Stinging Jinx, which landed on Yorgan's wand arm, causing him to stop the curse. Leeland took the opportunity to cast a Stunning Spell at Harry, but Harry anticipated the move and jumped out of the way just in time.
The spell hit a shelf behind him and a few vials fell and crashed on the ground. Harry scrambled back to his feet, keeping his wand on Leeland, and watched Yorgan yank Hermione back up. She was shaking slightly but seemed otherwise okay.
"You seem oddly attached to this assistant, Harry Potter."
Harry tried his best to clear his face. He couldn't let Leeland know how important she was to him.
"Again, Yorgan."
"Cruci-"
"STOP!" Harry yelled, appealing directly to Leeland. Leeland nodded to Yorgan and he lowered his wand.
"Stop hurting her and I'll hand over my wand and let you go, just like you said." Harry already had his wand outstretched. Leeland smirked to himself and shook his head. "Pathetic, Potter. And all for a girl? How cliché."
As soon as Leeland wrapped his fingers around the wand, Harry started counting down in his head. Fifteen, fourteen, thirteen…
He would only have a second to disarm Yorgan and Leeland, so there was no room for error. Ten, nine, eight…
He had to do this for Hermione. The Aurors who'd been watching the shop were Stunned, or maybe even dead, and Hermione had never managed to get a message out, so no one was coming. It was just Harry.
Three, two, one.
There was an explosion, then a thick, red smoke billowed out of the end of Harry's wand. Harry grabbed the other thug's wand from his pocket and disarmed Yorgan immediately. He saw Yorgan falling back, still holding Hermione, but didn't turn to see them fall. He needed to take care of Leeland now.
He lunged for the last spot Leeland's legs had been and managed to grab his ankle and pull him down. Harry's wand fell to the ground and rolled toward him and he snatched it up. Now, he had three wands, but still needed Leeland's.
Yorgan had turned himself into a cat and dove for Harry, but Harry kicked him, then Stunned him and smiled when he heard a faint meow. He looked around frantically, squinting his eyes. There was smoke everywhere and he couldn't see a thing. But neither could Leeland. Harry knew he needed to do something unexpected. He backed up against one of the shelves and got an idea.
Harry climbed to the top of the tall shelf and just barely fit in the space between the top of the shelf and the ceiling. He laid there on his stomach, peering over the top, while he waited for the smoke to clear. From that vantage point, overpowering Leeland was easy.
Leeland was looking all around him with his wand raised, but never thought to look up. Harry disarmed him, then Stunned him before he'd registered where the attack had come from.
As soon as Harry climbed down from the shelf, he sent off two Patronuses, then ran to Hermione. "Hermione! Are you okay? Hermione! Where are-?"
He stopped calling out when he caught sight of her, slumped against the stone front of Master Corcoran's counter. Yorgan must have thrown her from him and she'd collided with the stone. She was unconscious and there was blood pouring from a wound on the side of her head. Harry rushed to check her pulse and let out a sigh of relief when he felt the steady beating of her heart.
"Master Corcoran! Blood Replenishing Potion, please!" Harry choked out. His voice was trembling and he was trying hard not to collapse into sobs. He needed to help Hermione. He held a hand up to her wound, but it was quickly covered in blood. Then, he tore a piece off his robes and wrapped it around her head, but soon, the cloth was soaked through.
Master Corcoran was at his side now, handing him a small vial of deep red liquid. Harry slowly poured it into Hermione's mouth, lifting her chin between pours to get her to swallow the potion. His hands were shaking and he was starting to panic, but knew he had to keep his head clear. He needed to help her, but besides the potion, couldn't think of what to do.
He knew basic healing magic, but not any of the advanced spells needed to treat a head wound like this. Head wounds could be very dangerous and improper healing could cause brain damage. Shit. This was all his fault. He should have been paying more attention. What a sorry excuse for an Auror he was. They should take the title from him.
Just then, he heard the sound of two people Apparating into the shop. "Over here!" he called. Dawlish appeared at his side first. "There's one man dead in the back, Leeland's man killed him. One man is stunned - that's Axel Leeland, and the stunned cat is one of his thugs, named Yorgan. I need to take Hermione to St. Mungo's and-"
"No."
Harry turned around to find Robards standing behind them.
"This is my best friend," he began to plead. "I have to-"
"Dawlish will take her. I need you here, Potter."
Harry was about to argue when Robards cut in again. "Protocol, Potter. As far as I can tell you've managed to apprehend Axel Leeland and caught him in the middle of an illegal potions trade. This is just what we need to finally lock him up and it's imperative we follow protocol to the letter. This is a man with the means to hire a team of the best lawyers and we can't give him any reason to get the charges thrown out."
Harry knew he was right, but it didn't make it any easier for him to watch Dawlish gather Hermione up in his arms, something Harry should be doing right now.
"Dawlish," Harry said urgently. "Can you call Ron as soon as you get there? Please." Dawlish gave him a curt nod, then Disapparated.
Harry turned to find Robards appraising him. "Tell me something, Potter. How is it that you found and apprehended a criminal our office has been tracking for over a year just three months after I put you on the case?"
Harry sensed praise in his tone and his face twisted in disgust. He didn't want to be praised, he wanted to be punished. He deserved to be put on probation for the mistakes he'd made today. Because of him, Hermione had been tortured and injured, after the night she'd had last night. And it all could have been prevented. He looked down at his hands, that were covered in Hermione's blood and tears stung his eyes again.
"Potter," Robards's stern voice cut into his thoughts. "Hermione Granger will be fine and the sooner we get through this, the sooner you can go check on her."
Harry nodded. Robards was right, he needed to focus. Ron would have received the message by now and he'd be there with Hermione. Harry ignored the pangs of jealousy that thought evoked and focused back on the crime scene surrounding him.
Hermione was annoyed. She'd been at St. Mungo's for six hours now and still, they wouldn't let her go home. It had only taken them an hour to heal her head injury, but they insisted on keeping her for monitoring to ensure there was no lasting brain damage. They'd sent a Mediwitch to check her once an hour and she'd answered all the questions easily but still they hadn't let her go.
She was also incredibly bored, which was adding to her bad mood. When she'd first awoken Ron was there. They'd talked about her panic attack the night before and she'd explained what had happened at the Apothecary. After reassuring Ron a million times that she was fine, they'd fallen into an easy conversation, which had been nice.
Harry had arrived an hour after that and Ron had excused himself, mumbling something about a lunch with Lucy and her parents. It didn't bother Hermione in the slightest, which was just further proof that she was completely over Ron. Harry had resumed Ron's seat at her side and she'd tried to talk to him about everything they'd just gone through together, but he'd responded with gruff, one word answers, then told her he really needed to finish up the case report.
Hermione knew they had twenty days to file case reports and even a high-profile one like this wouldn't need to be finished any sooner than a week. She figured he was just using this as an excuse to avoid talking to her. She watched him, bent over his parchment, writing furiously and could tell, even from that stance, that he was in a dark, brooding mood.
He was probably blaming himself, though she could not see how any of this was possibly his fault. It had been her idea to go there, hadn't it? And if Harry hadn't been tagging along, who knows what would have happened to her? He'd saved her, so why was he so upset?
After watching him do his report for an hour in silence, she'd said snippily, "If you're just going to sit there ignoring me, can you at least pop by my flat and get me a book? There's a pile on my bedside table. Any of those will do."
Harry had stood without looking at her and gone to the hall. She heard him call for a nurse and they had a short conversation in low tones. Then, a few moments later, the nurse came in with a pile of magazines, which Hermione guessed were from the gift shop downstairs.
Hermione had thanked the nurse and once she was out of the room, sneered at Harry. "You can't take five minutes to stop by my flat and get a book?"
He'd glared at her and said, "No," before turning back to his report. That's when she figured out he was angry with her, but she had no idea why and knew this hospital room wasn't the place to try to draw it out of him.
She'd rolled her eyes and started in on the magazines. She was reading a very dull account of a recent wedding in Pureblood Princesses when the Mediwitch came in. This one was young, about Hermione's age, with long blonde hair and pale green eyes. Hermione saw her start when she noticed Harry and blush slightly. Hermione rolled her eyes. She was not in the mood for this.
"Hello, I'm Agatha and I'll be doing your final checkup," the Mediwitch announced, handing Hermione a light blue potion.
"Thank God," Hermione said, letting out a large sigh. "Let's get this over with. Can we start with this potion? It's a Healing Draught. The active ingredients are wormwood, dittany, bubotuber pus and dragon liver. There are ten more non-inactive ingredients I can name if you want. Or I can list out the steps required to brew the potion."
"Oh. You are as smart as everyone says," Agatha replied. She looked to Harry for confirmation, batting her eyelashes slightly, but he was pointedly ignoring her.
Hermione, who was still bitter about Harry not getting her a book, almost said, "He's actually not as charming as the papers make him out to be. Tell your friends." But she held her tongue and said instead, "As you can see, my brain is fine. Can I go now?"
"Oh. Well, I have to follow protocol and go over these questions," Agatha nodded down to her clipboard.
"Fine. Get on with it."
An hour later, Hermione was walking up the stairs to her flat with Harry just behind her. Although Agatha had said it was probably safe for Hermione to Apparate, she'd mentioned that there was a very rare chance that it could cause complications with injuries like Hermione's. Hermione had been willing to risk it, but Harry had refused.
Then Hermione had suggested that Harry Apparate to her flat, set up the Floo, and Apparate back so they could travel that way, but he'd denied that request and said it would be safest to walk. So, he'd forced her to walk clear across town and remained silent the entire time. Needless to say, by the time they got inside her flat, Hermione was extremely frustrated.
Once they were inside and Harry had closed and locked her door, she rounded on him. "What's wrong with you? What is this?"
He glared at her.
"You're cross with me, that's obvious and I know why you didn't want to have it out at St. Mungo's, but we're alone now, so tell me what's wrong."
Harry had a lot of things he wanted to say and an even longer list of things he needed to say but didn't want to say. He was trying to sort out where to start, but Hermione was getting more and more annoyed as he stood there, not talking.
"You got the bad guy, Harry," she said, exasperated. "And you went about it in a very Harry Potter way. First, stumbling into trouble, then, using that unique blend of cleverness and creativity you possess to get out of it. Using that delaying spell I showed you for Teddy, by the way, was genius and-"
"I told you to leave!" Harry yelled, no longer able to hold in his anger. Hermione stepped back, alarmed.
"I told you I could handle it alone! I told you to get to safety, but you didn't listen!" he continued, still yelling.
"I did!" Hermione yelled back. "The exit you mentioned was barricaded and I knew I could probably unblock it, but not without making a considerable amount of noise, so I crawled under an abandoned desk and hid."
"Fine," Harry allowed. "But then you should have stayed hidden. But no. You came out, trying to cause a distraction. You didn't think I could handle them, two against one-"
"You're giving me too much credit," she interrupted. "That noise was from a cat."
"A cat? Wait…Yorgan?"
"No, a real cat. I was hiding there, under the desk and I didn't see the cat and he didn't see me, since I had a Disillusionment Charm on. He was so spooked when he walked into me that he ran off and knocked over a pile of boxes."
"Really?"
"Yes! Now can you stop being furious with me?"
They stood across from each other, each breathing heavily as they recovered from their argument, unsure what to say next. Then, Harry closed the distance between them.
He took a handful of her hair, which was crusted in spots from dried blood, and whispered, "I thought they were going to kill you. They killed their friend like it was nothing and - "
Harry took in a long, shaky breath, then rested his forehead against Hermione's.
"I'm okay, Harry," she whispered, placing both of her hands on his shoulders. She could feel him trembling slightly under her touch.
"I can't lose you. I can't-" Harry could feel himself losing control. He needed to stay here, with her. He raised his free hand to her face and focused on her soft skin and the feeling of her hair in his other hand and the pressure of her hands resting on his shoulders. He used her to ground himself back to reality.
He had been so scared in the Apothecary and the fear he'd pushed aside in the moment, then staved off with anger for the past few hours, was finally hitting him at full force.
"I know you've already lost so many people you care about," Hermione was saying. Harry could feel her warm breath on his face. "But I'm fine, okay? I'm fine."
Harry shook his head. "No, you don't understand," he muttered. Honestly, he didn't understand this either. What was going on? Why was he so scared? He'd been in much worse situations than this and hadn't had this visceral of a reaction.
What was different about today? he asked himself.
Harry's heart raced to answer the question before his brain could get in the way.
Today was different because Hermione's life was in danger. There's a reason the night at Malfoy Manor haunts you more than any others. You can't bear the thought of losing her because not only is she your closest friend, and the most important person in your life, but you're in love with her.
Hermione leaned back so she could see Harry clearly. "What don't I understand?"
Harry had forgotten his earlier comment and was confused by her question. He moved both hands to her face and started rubbing his thumbs up and down her cheeks. "Bloody hell," he whispered.
"What's wrong?" Hermione asked.
Shit. He'd said that out loud, hadn't he?
"Just come here," he muttered, pulling her into a hug and wrapping his arms tightly around her. He was shaking and Hermione thought he was still getting over the shock of the day and finally coming down from an adrenaline high, but it was something else entirely.
Harry was shaking because he'd just realized something and it scared him more than any dark wizard or life threatening situation ever had. He loved Hermione. For real. It wasn't just a defense mechanism. And, honestly, it shouldn't have taken him this long to realize that she was so much more than a friend to him.
It wasn't normal to be able to pick out the exact shade of the flecks in your friend's eyes without her there. It wasn't normal to smell your friend, obsess over the flower behind the scent, and seriously consider planting one of those flowers in your yard so you could smell it more often. It wasn't normal to be overcome with a feeling of completeness and belonging anytime you held her and to crave her when she was gone.
This wasn't friendship, and it wasn't something his mind had created to help him move past his breakup, and more than anything, it wasn't fake.
This was love. Simple, true, and terrifying. He loved her. Damn, did he love her. For how long? Years, maybe. Surely as far back at the Gala, likely before then.
Fuck! He wanted to cry. Because as the words echoed through his mind - I love Hermione, I love Hermione, I love Hermione - the next words were just at the edges, ready to cut like a Severing Charm straight through his heart.
But she doesn't love me back.
Harry buried his face in her hair and breathed in that floral scent he'd become a bit obsessed with. He knew he should let go. She was probably wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Between the nightmare last night, the events of today and now the way he was holding onto her for dear life; she was probably convinced he'd finally lost it.
He knew she didn't feel the same way for him and only loved him as a close friend and he knew this was going to hurt, probably a thousand times worse than his breakup with Ginny had. He knew all that, but still, he couldn't make himself let go.
Unsurprisingly, it was Hermione who stepped away first. Harry looked awful, a little sick, and scared. She wanted to help him but had no idea what he needed. "Harry? Are you okay?"
He sighed heavily and watched her for several moments. Hermione was paralyzed by the intensity of his gaze, almost as thoroughly as if he'd hit her with a Freezing Spell. After a long while, he took another deep breath and said, "I love you and I'm glad you're safe."
Harry had wanted to test the words to see if they felt right. A part of him also wanted Hermione to just know what he meant and to tell him everything would be okay, and, ideally, to say that she loved him back.
Hermione grabbed his hands and squeezed them comfortingly, then said gently in a tone very similar to the one she used when talking to Teddy, "I love you too."
Harry's face fell. She didn't mean it the same way, that much was clear and now he sort of wished he hadn't tested it. Not knowing and hoping was better, and he wished he could have lived with that for longer than two minutes. He dropped her hands and turned toward the door, running his fingers through his hair.
Hermione was alarmed by his sudden change in mood. "Harry? What-"
He cut her off, speaking to the wall. "I just need to sleep. I know it's like, what, six-o-clock? But even then, I think I'm going to go home and pass out, then sleep until morning." He looked back at her and raised a hand to touch her arm but dropped it at the last minute.
"I'm sorry for yelling, Hermione. And for this, and - just - all of it."
Hermione wanted to ask him to stay, but didn't have a good reason, so she watched him leave. Her heart ached as soon as he'd left the room, but she wasn't sure why.
Hermione was lying in bed, thinking about Harry. After he'd left so abruptly, she'd taken a long bath to get all the blood out of her hair. Then she'd tried to read, but her mind kept drifting. By then it was eight and she'd decided that even though it was early, she'd go to bed. She hadn't slept well the night before (for obvious reasons) and could use the extra sleep. But her mind was racing.
Was Harry okay? It wasn't like him to be rattled. Something had clearly upset him. And for the first time in ages, she had no idea what it was. She wished he were here. That had been so nice, having someone stay with her last night. It reminded her how much she missed having a boyfriend.
Would it have felt the same if it weren't Harry? a small voice at the back of her mind asked.
She turned her head to escape the question, but that was the wrong move, since this was the pillow Harry had slept on the night before and it still smelled like him. Before she could stop herself, she inhaled deeply. Then, she sat up and threw the pillow across the room.
What is wrong with you? Are you that desperately lonely?
Hermione grabbed the other pillow, laid down roughly, and squeezed her eyes shut. But even without the smell of Harry around her, he still filled her mind. The way he'd held her last night while he told her he'd do anything to protect her. How he'd looked crying on the bathroom floor as he admitted that his worst memory from the war was her getting tortured at Malfoy Manor. How she'd watched him sleep, then reached out and traced his jawline. Why had she done that?
Instead of answering the question, her mind provided more memories. They way he'd reacted when she'd been hit with the Cruciatus Curse at the Apothecary. His extreme anguish at the thought of losing her, and later, the way he'd looked at her just before he'd said he loved her.
It all felt so significant and in that moment, Hermione was so close to figuring it all out. The light at the end of the long dark tunnel of denial she'd been living in for years was getting brighter and brighter and then, the practical part of her brain went to work, organizing and cataloguing her thoughts. The light dimmed, then disappeared.
[It's worth noting here that Hermione had a remarkable mind (which was well-known) but something that was lesser known, was that she had a natural affinity for compartmentalizing her thoughts. If she'd ever learned Occlumency, she would have been an expert.
And something that was unknown, even to Hermione, was that as far back as fourth year, as soon as she started to notice that Harry had a crush on Cho, and saw Hermione as nothing more than a friend, she created a place in her mind where she hid away all her romantic thoughts and interactions with Harry.
She'd done this to protect herself and it had been working well for years. There were several moments from Hogwarts buried there, from the last day of term in fourth year when she'd had an unexplainable urge to kiss Harry on the cheek, to the strange pangs of jealousy she felt in sixth year anytime Ginny talked to her about Harry.
It's where she'd locked away the moment during Bill and Fleur's wedding ceremony when her eyes had sought Harry's and she'd found him looking for her too, and the countless times while they'd been camping when they'd huddled close to each other for warmth, when a Warming Charm would have been more effective.
And lately, over the past few months, her brain had been hiding memories there more rapidly than ever before. The end result was that Hermione never saw all her interactions with Harry laid out together. She didn't forget the memories she buried away, but when she viewed one of them it was out of context and anything romantic she was able to explain away as a "one time thing."
If she had let herself view all the moments together, she'd have figured out what was going on much quicker, even quicker than Harry had. But instead, she took every moment and pushed it away, behind a wall, because she couldn't let herself feel more for Harry. He was a friend. That was the category her mind had put him in and she organized her incoming thoughts to fit.]
As she lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, her mind sifted through all her recent interactions with Harry. She clipped their hug that had lasted too long to a more reasonable length, filed the "I love you" exchange into the "just friends" category (even though it didn't quite fit), and made excuses for a number of heart-jolts and waves of desire that weren't entirely logical.
All the while, her heart beat steadily and the primal part of her mind that controlled the beating (a part that couldn't be lied to or tricked) waited patiently, since it knew that soon enough, it's time would come. Hermione couldn't keep this going forever.
Several moments later, Hermione noticed she was crying, and had no idea why. It was probably just the events of the day. She'd been tortured and sustained a serious injury, but unlike Harry, had never feared for her life. She knew he'd managed to save them somehow. But she had been worried about brain damage, even though she'd spent most of the hours at St. Mungo's pretending she wasn't. But she was fine. Harry was fine. And soon they'd put this behind them and get back to normal.
Hermione sat up in the bed and spotted the pillow she'd thrown to the other side of the room. She bit her lip, then lifted her wand and Summoned it. She moved her other pillow aside and before she could talk herself out of this odd action, laid down on the pillow that smelled like Harry and settled onto her side.
She waved her wand to turn the lights off and close the door, then took a deep breath. It smelled like forests, and rain, and magic, and a little sweat - probably from his nightmare, she figured - but she didn't mind it. She felt better, more grounded, somehow. She tried not to dwell on it too much and quickly filed the moment away in the back of her mind. But the truth was there, ready for the day it would be recalled.
Teddy was quiet. Too quiet. Harry realized he'd just finished the entire issue of the Prophet, when he usually barely got through half an article when Teddy was around. That wasn't good. He folded the paper and went searching. Harry found Teddy in the Parlor and soon discovered the reason for his silence.
He was focused on coloring the sides of the pristine white kitchen cabinets with a packet of Muggle markers. Hermione had spent hours perfecting the color-changing charm for these, getting the white just right since, apparently, there were thirty different shades of white. Who knew?
Harry leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms. "I'm not sure Hermione is going to appreciate you undoing her hard work like that, Teddy."
Teddy jumped, then grinned, pointing at his work of art. "Colors! I did all the colors!"
"Yes, I see that. But like I said, Hermione spent hours painting those. I'm not sure how she'll feel about this."
"Where's Miney?"
Harry sighed and went to sit on the sofa at the end of the room. He Summoned the markers around Teddy and started reapplying all the caps. He wondered if this Muggle ink would wash off with a Cleaning Spell.
"You know, I've always hated that nickname. 'Mione. Ugh. Ron calls her that."
Teddy had climbed onto Harry's lap and was trying to sneakily steal back some of the markers. Harry floated them up to a high shelf and leaned back, sighing. Damn, he missed Hermione. It had been eighteen hours since he'd last seen her and he'd had to catch himself from calling multiple times. He knew it was best to leave her alone for a little while, but even though she wasn't here, she was occupying all his thoughts.
"I call her pet names," Harry told Teddy. "Did you know that?"
"I pet a cat," Teddy replied.
Harry nodded. "Oh, you did? When?"
"Yesterday."
Harry let out a laugh. Of course, he should have known. "Yesterday" was the term Teddy used for any moment in the past since he had no real concept of time.
"Well, that's lovely, Teddy, that you got to pet a cat yesterday. Do you know what I did yesterday?"
Teddy shook his head.
"I realized I'm madly in love with Hermione."
Teddy nodded, as if this made complete sense to him, then said, "Miney has a bubble wand."
"Yeah. She does."
"You do bubbles?" Teddy was already reaching for Harry's wand.
Harry set up his wand with the Bubble Charm Hermione had taught him and applied the spell-locking charm she'd also shown him to keep it going before handing his wand to Teddy. Teddy's face lit up and he jumped off Harry's lap and started twirling around the room, shaking the wand as bubbles streamed out the tip.
"Hermione makes lovely spells," Harry said as he watched Teddy.
"Yes," Teddy answered absently.
"The delaying spell she made, the birdie one, it sort of saved our lives yesterday. I owe her for teaching me that, but all I did was yell at her."
Teddy stopped waving the wand and looked back at Harry, alarmed. "Yelling is not nice."
Harry shook his head. "No, it isn't."
Harry leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. The next moment, Teddy was at his side. "How do you feel?" Harry smiled into his hands. This was Teddy's new thing. He'd recently started naming emotions, but only really had a grasp on three of them and tried to fit everything he observed into either happy, sad, or angry. Luckily for him, Harry fell into one of those right now.
"Sad, Teddy," he replied.
Teddy held out the wand that was still emitting bubbles, the most precious thing he had to offer. Harry smiled and pulled him into a hug. Teddy hugged him back with his whole body, in a way only a three-year-old could.
"I'm going to be fine," Harry muttered. "This will pass and now that I know what's going on, I can start to get over it. And soon she and I can go back to being friends."
Harry let Teddy go and placed his hands on his godson's shoulders. "I thought I would feel some sort of peace now that I've finally admitted the truth. But, Merlin, no. It just hurts like he-" Harry caught himself just before he swore. "Uh, it hurts a lot," he finished.
Teddy looked understandably confused.
"What do you say?" Harry asked.
Teddy responded in the way he always did when his Gran asked him this question. "Please?"
Harry laughed. "Okay. Go play with your bubbles."
Teddy returned to waving the wand around and when he looked back at Harry he said with a wide grin on his face, "Harry's sad and I'm happy!"
"Yeah. No need to rub it in."
A/N: All conversations with Teddy are inspired by my own three-year olds, Eden and Avery. If they sound contrived, I can assure you, they are not. This is pretty much how all talks with my girls go.
And to answer a question I've received a few times, yes - this is my first solo Harmony fic. I wrote a Harmony/Drinny story (Counterplay) but the Harmony relationship wasn't the main plot point, like in this fic. I originally started as a Dramione writer but after writing this story I'm sold on Harmony. They are just so cute together and much less problematic.