Much gratitude to Frannie for hosting the Song to Story contest which brought One Look to life, and for being an amazing beta.
Thank you so much for the support and for reading and reviewing.
The minutes ticked by, agonizingly slowly, each punctured by Bella's whimpers or screams of pain, depending on the intensity of the transformation.
I didn't leave her side.
Not when Jasper appeared in the doorway, not breathing, but attempting to soothe Bella's pain. It worked briefly, but it didn't last when my venom consumed her arteries. I told him to go, even though I appreciated the gesture. I couldn't deal with worrying about him taking a breath by mistake and finishing Bella since her scent had grown more potent.
Not when Carlisle returned from his hunt and sat by my side, a hand on my shoulder. It did little to make me feel better, no matter how proud he was of me for being able to stop on my own. I'd lived in a world where I didn't have Bella, and I couldn't conceive living through that Hell again.
Not by my own teeth because I was weak.
The others had gone hunting, and only Esme and Carlisle were left in the house to endure Bella's pain, along with me. Carlisle coaxed me to have the much-anticipated conversation about my decision two years ago. I wouldn't have been able to speak so freely and truthfully with the others present.
He tried not to let it show how upset he was, his mind trying to understand where he'd gone wrong with me because this was my second slip in drinking from humans. He went as far as to believe his vegetarian diet wasn't for me.
"Don't be absurd," I said softly.
"I'm not sure what to believe anymore, Edward."
"If it weren't for your special diet, I wouldn't have been able to fight the monster and get to know this amazing girl." I squeezed my arms around Bella.
She was currently curled on my lap, clutching at my shirt. I pressed my lips to her warm, sweaty forehead.
She'd stopped trying to talk. Now, all that left her throat were screams of pain when she opened her mouth.
She seems to be in too much pain for the stage of her transformation, Carlisle mused, thoughtfully.
"Is it possible to change in faster than three days?" I asked. "Depending on the amount of venom in her veins."
Carlisle lifted a brow, not understanding what I was saying.
"I bit her neck, but also her wrists." I left out the part that I selfishly wanted another taste of her sweet ambrosia once I'd pulled away from her neck.
Hmm…it's possible. He reached to check Bella's left wrist, running his thumb over the shape of my teeth imprinted in her delicate skin.
It's already healing.
I focused on her inner wrist, and sure enough, my bite-mark was barely visible.
"Edward," Bella said through gritted teeth. "… Hurts."
I loathed myself for the pain I was causing her.
"It burns so much," she gasped, screaming through her clenched teeth.
"It will be over very soon," Carlisle said soothingly, stroking her back.
"Can't I do anything to help her?" I begged Carlisle. "I can't stand seeing her hurting so much."
There's nothing you can do, son. Do you think it was easy for me to watch all of you transform? Especially you, Edward. I had no idea what I was doing, and half the time, I was sure I'd failed.
I held his eyes while memories of my transformation swirled around in his head. Then he thought back on how he'd felt after he'd decided to bite Esme, then Rosalie and Emmett.
"Have faith," he said softly.
Shortly after his statement, Carlisle left us alone, joining Esme in their room.
When Bella's head tilted, I met her hazy brown eyes. She gripped my shirt tighter, her face scrunching in pain. I stroked the back of my fingers over her cheek.
I didn't deserve this selfless creature.
After all the pain I'd put her through, she was willing to suffer more just to be mine forever. Because she had faith, we'd get back to what we once had. Bella's trust in our love was outstanding.
"What can I do?" I murmured, staring into her agonized face.
She swallowed thickly, clenching her jaw. "Looking…at you…makes it…bearable."
I wished I could produce tears so she'd know how moved I was. I'd been right in my epiphany the other day – this was my purgatory.
If there was a possibility to somehow turn back time, I knew without a doubt I'd have never returned to Forks after I had cowardly fled to Alaska. I'd have never endangered this precious girl just to satisfy my monster.
At this point, I wasn't even sure if the red-eyed monster within me was more dangerous to Bella than the seventeen-year-old boy in love for the first time in a century of roaming the earth.
Suddenly, Bella scrunched her eyes shut, gasping for breath, curling further into my chest. Her heart was galloping alarmingly fast.
A phone rang somewhere in the house, but I paid it no mind. I tried to distract her by humming her lullaby.
"Hurts," she breathed out against my neck. "What…if…I die?"
Before I could put her worry to rest, having never heard of a human dying during the transformation, Carlisle burst into the room and pried Bella from my arms
His phone was to his ear, and Alice urged him to act quickly because Bella's heart was too weak to get past the final stage.
Carlisle ripped Bella's shirt, sank his teeth above her left breast, and then moved to the crucial arteries – her inner biceps, thighs, and ankles.
"Alice, what did you see?" I heard myself asking while staring transfixed at Bella's body seizing up at the amount of venom now in her bloodstream.
"Her heart was going to give out; she was in too much pain," Alice explained softly. "We're on our way back. She'll be fine now."
The line went dead, and I dropped the phone to the bed, my eyes fixed on her white cotton bra, smattered with a few drops of blood.
Carlisle rearranged her clothes, taking a step back. I'm sorry, Edward; there was no time to explain.
I simply nodded.
"Any minute, now," he said contemplatively. Are you all right?
I felt like I was in shock, and I knew what that felt like because I'd seen it in humans before. Especially in my victims as they realized what was happening to them.
"Was it my fault?" I managed to ask.
All I wanted was to wrap my arms around Bella again, but I was afraid to hurt her further. She'd stopped making any sounds, but her heart was racing, trying to win the fight with the venom consuming it.
He hid his thoughts, but not well enough. I caught a glimpse of his theory. Bella had suffered too much when she'd lost me, which had weakened her heart. What happened today had been too much.
"So, it is my fault."
"You're not allowed to pull another emo act on us. This girl needs you right now."
I avoided his eyes as I allowed myself to pull Bella back on my lap. Like before, she curled there, shaking, as she emitted tiny whimpers through her mouth.
The agony was almost over when the others returned. I'd been around before when Carlisle had turned our family members, and I knew the signs before the heart stopped beating.
I hissed at Alice when she contemplated whether Bella was in too much pain for her to replace her clothes. She raised her hands, smiling.
It was just a thought.
"Well, keep your thoughts to yourself," I muttered.
When Esme joined everyone in our room, her thoughts turned in the same direction as Alice's. But she made me see sense because she believed Bella wouldn't like to wake up in ripped, bloodied clothes.
"Carefully," I said, holding Esme's eyes.
For the first time since I'd brought Bella into our room, I left her side, only to give the girls privacy to wash her body and change her clothes.
I stood outside the room with Jasper next to me. He tried to get me to relax, but I wrenched away from him.
Esme let me know I could return to Bella's side, and I was there, where I belonged, in a second. She was now lying on the bed, wearing a dark blue dress. It was my favorite color on her, but I knew Bella would be upset with Alice for this extravagant gesture. Just a pair of jeans and a new sweater would have done the trick.
I sat next to her, holding her hand, stroking her wrist. I didn't pay any attention to the others; my sole focus was on Bella's face scrunched in pain and her heart galloping toward its last beat.
It happened faster than I expected.
It took me a moment to comprehend the deafening silence in the room. Her scent lingered, but it no longer made the monster ravenous. Instead, it awakened the teenager inside of me. I couldn't have a moment of peace with this girl.
Her now warm fingers curled around my hand.
Then several things happened at once.
Alice had a disturbing vision of Bella attacking me, then Bella attacking everyone else and escaping the house.
At the same time, Bella's eyes snapped open. The red irises were a color I wasn't used to seeing there.
She wrenched her hand from mine, sitting up so fast my instincts told me to take a step away from the potential danger.
You have to assure her everything is okay. She's panicking badly, Jasper said, worried.
"Bella," I whispered, reaching for her hand, but I didn't touch her. "Everything is okay. You're okay."
Her eyes were on the family behind me; then, they moved to me when I spoke. Tentatively, she placed her hand in mine, a deep frown appearing between her brows.
I wished, more than ever, to know what she was thinking.
"You're warm." Her voice sounded like a velvet rhapsody.
Emmett broke the tensed silence by laughing loudly. Trust Bella to point out the obvious. "And your eyes match, too," he commented, earning a nasty look from Carlisle and a slap over his head from Rosalie.
"Oh," Bella averted her eyes, and part of me was disappointed not to see her cheeks blooming with color.
She winced, swallowing hard. Her small hand went to her throat as her eyes slowly met mine.
I squeezed her fingers, bringing her hand to my mouth and kissing her knuckles. "You're thirsty."
"Take her hunting," Carlisle instructed me. "There will be time for talking…after."
I stared into Bella's crimson eyes, checking if she accepted me as her hunting partner. Still holding onto my hand, she turned and stood by the bed in less than a second.
I knew she wasn't aware how fast she was moving, but she'd grasp it when she found herself at the door, believing she only took one step in that direction.
Having been so focused on what she was doing, I forgot I could be dragged after her when she aimed the door.
Damn, she's fast, Jasper mused.
I jerked her to a stop, as gently as possible. "Try not to pull my arm out of the socket, love."
Bella was too amazed at finding herself in the doorway to pay me any mind. Her round eyes looked between where we stood now, and then, back to the bed, her frown deepening.
"It takes some getting used to," Rosalie said softly.
Bella turned her attention to Rose, her fingers clenching around mine as she stared at her. I couldn't understand her reaction.
"Ow," Pulling my hand away was the hardest thing I'd done, but I was particularly attached to my fingers.
"Oh," Bella winced, lifting her left hand to look at it as if seeing it for the first time. She met my eyes warily, then looked at the others for a brief moment.
I caught Alice's eyes, lifting an eyebrow, silently asking her if Bella would be all right.
She showed me a picture of the two of us hunting in the near future. There was more to the vision, though she kept me out by singing some atrocious pop song in her mind.
"Shall we?" I touched the small of Bella's back.
She blinked, focusing on me. "Yes," she breathed, swallowing thickly.
"Take Bella's phone with you," Carlisle handed me her phone from the nightstand.
It reminded me that I had to buy a new phone for myself since I was back to civilized life.
I steered Bella into the hallway, and she all but disappeared from sight, making everyone laugh. I sighed, running after her. It would be a while before she learned to control her new speed, her strength, and to learn to act human.
I caught up with her on the porch. She extended her hand, and I took it. A smile graced her lips before she tugged me after her into the forest.
I was grateful for my nature, or I'd have stumbled over my feet and ended up flat on my face when I missed the stairs entirely. Bella grinned over her shoulder as a carefree laugh exploded from her throat.
I pushed my legs to run along with her, allowing her to enjoy the moment before thirst got the best of her. As much as I loathed this damned life, it had its perks. Bella had wanted to become a vampire for almost as long as she'd known what I was. She deserved to have fun.
"This is amazing," she said, dropping my hand and spinning around, barely touching the ground. "I'd have probably tripped a hundred times if I were human, never mind getting tired."
I smiled indulgently. She took both my hands, pulling me into her. Our eyes met, and she bit into her bottom lip, then leaned up to kiss me. I wasn't complaining, but her first priority should be feeding, not kissing me.
Bella moaned softly when our lips met. It felt the same, yet completely different from our previous kissing. When I felt her hot tongue against my lips, I opened them, allowing her to kiss me as she'd always wanted.
To know she still wanted me like this after everything I'd put her through was humbling.
Her fingers knotted into my hair as she jumped into my arms, her legs wrapping around my waist.
"Bella," I encircled her waist with my arms, holding her closer.
"Shh. I've wanted to kiss you like this for so long," she said against my lips.
"We have forever to explore this…and more." A horny seventeen-year-old boy had replaced the gentleman inside me. "But, we're here to hunt, first."
An adorable pout formed on her face as she slid off my body. "I'm not sure what to do."
"I'll teach you."
I guided her with an arm wrapped around her waist as we walked for a while before I smelled the distinct scent of cougar. Venom pooled in my mouth since it was my favorite prey. I wasn't sure if this was a wise decision, but it seemed no deer or moose were around.
I pulled Bella to a stop at a far enough distance so we wouldn't startle the feline. I knew exactly which way I had to go, even though the cougar wasn't visible from our spot.
"Close your eyes," I whispered. "Breathe in the forest air and tell me what you smell."
Bella listened dutifully, taking several unnecessary breaths, her frown returning as she licked her lips. Had she sensed the cougar? It was so inconvenient not to be able to read her mind.
"It smells delicious. What is it?"
"Cougar."
"Your favorite? It's so sweet, like…caramels."
I laughed. "I'm afraid I have no term of comparison. Which way?"
Bella pointed to the west without hesitation. That's when I caught a whiff of the sweet scent she was talking about because our cougar was behind us and to the east.
"Shall we?" Bella opened her eyes, beaming.
I tightened my grip on her, unsure how to proceed. That scent was no wild animal, and I was afraid to explain that she'd just smelled her first human. He was getting nearer because I could hear his thoughts, focused on taking pictures of the flora.
Keeping a strong grip on her forearm and waist, I pulled Bella backward as she watched me, confused.
"Aren't we going that way?" Her eyes had darkened as thirst clouded her vision.
"The cougar is this way," I whispered, walking slowly in the direction we had to go.
"Then…what's that? I don't care about your cougar; I want this other animal."
"You don't want that," I said carefully.
She searched my eyes for a long time before pressing her lips together, swallowing the venom pooling into her mouth.
I figured she understood the situation, so I made a mistake and took my hand off her waist, steering her toward the cougar. But, Bella slipped through my fingers, disappearing through the trees leading to the human.
"Bella, no!" I hurried my pace and caught her before she could reach the mindless human adventuring so far into the forest. "Don't," I begged, hugging her to my chest. "Stop breathing."
She whimpered, a sound I'd heard constantly in the past couple of days, but by some miracle, she ceased breathing. Her red eyes, full of trust I didn't deserve, begged me to take her away. I could feel her body was tense; I didn't risk making her move just yet.
"Relax," I whispered, swaying us on the stop. Her phone started ringing in my pocket, but I ignored it.
We stood there for what felt like hours, looking into each other's eyes. Eventually, the human was out of our hearing and smelling range, but I still held her tightly.
"Let's see if the cougar is still there," I offered when I was sure she wouldn't flee after the lingering, forbidden scent.
When we were close enough to the feline but far enough away to still be unseen through a cluster of trees, I stopped and placed my hands on Bella's shoulders, squeezing lightly. "Breathe."
She did so carefully. "Oh, I see the difference."
I chuckled. "I'm so proud of you," I whispered, kissing her neck after moving her hair out of my way. "I was sure I failed you."
She looked at me over her shoulder. "Even though every fiber in my body yearned to seek that scent…I didn't want to disappoint you…or Carlisle."
"You're bizarrely moral for a newborn vampire, my love."
She flashed me a smile. "What do I do?" She focused back on the cougar.
"You don't want to startle her. I'll accompany you as close as possible. When you attack…be sure to snap her neck in one clean break before drinking."
"What if I can't?"
"You're at the top of the trophic chain, Bella. You're stronger than all the animals out there. Don't be afraid. You'll be fine."
That was a close call, huh?
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PS: The chapter was delayed because...BATMAN!